As a parent remember to listen well
Children learn by example, and when parents practice active listening, they teach valuable communication skills. When a child feels heard, they understand that their thoughts and feelings matter, building their confidence and sense of self-worth. Gail Smith shares five compelling reasons why truly listening to your child is essential for their emotional and social development.
Here are five powerful reasons why parents need to truly listen to their child, each with a sharp and effective well-being message:
Small Problems Now Prevent Big Problems Later
When kids feel heard about small worries (like a bad day at school), they’re more likely to share big issues (like bullying or anxiety) later. Dismissing small concerns teaches them their voice doesn’t matter. Sometimes they cannot decipher between what is big and little with their worries.
Listening Builds Confidence, Not Silence
A child who feels listened to learns that their thoughts and feelings are important. A constantly interrupted or dismissed child learns to stay quiet, even when they desperately need help. Being silent, they feel is a safe position.
Strong Parent-Child Bonds Reduce Anxiety
Studies show that children who feel heard by their parents develop better emotional regulation and experience less anxiety and stress. Feeling understood creates a deep sense of security. If you are heard you are more confident in yourself.
Kids Who Are Heard Become Adults Who Speak Up
When parents actively listen, kids grow up with the confidence to set boundaries, express their needs, and advocate for themselves in friendships, school, and later in life. For them, talking up is their strength.
Unspoken Feelings Don’t Disappear—They Show Up in Behaviour
When children feel ignored, their emotions often turn into anger, defiance, withdrawal, or anxiety. Listening is the first step in helping them healthily process their feelings. They need to use their voice.
Remember children learn by example and if you are a good listener to others they will see how effective this is in communicating well. If a child feels that they are being listened to, they know they are valued and that what they have to say really matters.
“Be patient when listening to your child. You will hear so much but within their talk there is an important message that will come through.”
Talk to your child regularly. It’s important for their mental health
Keep talking with your child. Show them that conversations help solve problems and make them feel better. In this blog, Gail Smith shares why regular conversations are so important for your child’s well-being.
Keep conversations going with your child even if you think they are not listening. Let them know that you are a listener and want everything to be out in the open and frequently discussed amongst you. Let them see that conversations are a great way of dealing with problems and that you feel better when matters are openly discussed.
Regular conversations with your child:
1. Builds Trust and Emotional Safety
When children feel heard, they trust that they can share their emotion without fear of judgement.
Example: A child struggling with bullying feels safe opening up to a parent who listens calmly, instead of dismissing their feelings.
2. Prevents Emotional Suppression
Open conversations help children process emotions instead of bottling them up, reducing the risk of anxiety and depression.
Example: Asking, "How was your day?" allows a child to express frustration over a ` grade rather than holding it in.
3. Develops Problem-Solving Skills
Talking through challenges teaches kids how to handle problems and make decisions.
Example: If a child is upset about a fight with a friend, discussing the issue helps them brainstorm ways to apologize or make amends.
4. Strengthens Parent-Child Connection
Frequent conversations create a strong bond, making children feel supported and valued.
Example: Regular chats during bedtime build a habit of sharing, even when they grow older and face bigger challenges.
5. Detects Early Signs of Mental Health Issues
Talking often allows parents to notice mood changes or troubling thoughts before they escalate.
Example: If a usually cheerful child starts avoiding conversations, this could signal stress or sadness, prompting early support.
“A child really feels supported when a parent uses open communication.”
Parents can teach their children to make wiser choices.
As parents, you can teach your children to make wiser decisions. Follow these steps to guide them in learning how to pause, think, and consider the consequences of their actions, which will lead to wiser decision-making over time.
As your child matures they begin to develop reasoning and start to reflect on a deeper understanding of what life and decisions are all about. As a parent you can encourage behaviour that will lead to your child valuing wiser decisions.
Consider the following:
Encourage Thinking Ahead
Parent: “Before you make a decision, try to think about what might happen next. For example, if you choose to stay up late playing games, you might be too tired for school the next day. What do you think is the best choice?”
Lesson: Helps children develop foresight by considering the consequences of their actions.
Ask Questions, Don’t Just Give Answers
Parent: “What do you think will happen if you share your toy? How would you feel if someone did the same for you?”
Lesson: Teaches them to evaluate situations from different perspectives rather than just reacting impulsively.
Teach the Power of Pausing
Parent: “When you feel unsure or upset, it’s okay to pause for a moment before making a choice. Taking a deep breath can help you think more clearly.”
Lesson: Encourages emotional regulation and thoughtful decision-making, rather than acting on impulse.
Model Wise Decision-Making
Parent: “I was going to buy this thing, but then I realized we don’t really need it right now. I’ll wait until we save more money, and if we still want it then, I’ll get it.”
Lesson: Children learn from observing how their parents weigh options and make responsible choices.
Give Them Controlled Choices
Parent: “You can choose to do your homework now and have free time later, or you can play now and have less time for fun later. What do you think is the better choice?”
Lesson: Provides practice with decision-making and lets them experience the outcomes of their choices in a safe, controlled environment.
Discuss Past Decisions
Parent: “Remember when you didn’t wear a jacket last time and got cold? How will you choose differently today when it’s chilly?”
Lesson: Reflecting on past decisions helps children connect past experiences to better future choices.
Teach Problem-Solving Steps
Parent: “When you have to make a choice, try to follow these steps: 1) Identify the problem, 2) Think of possible solutions, 3) Consider what might happen with each solution, and 4) Make your choice.”
Lesson: Provides a framework for making informed decisions and builds confidence in their ability to think through problems.
Explain the Impact of Peer Pressure
Parent: “Sometimes friends might ask you to do something that doesn’t feel right. It’s okay to say no if you think it’s not a good choice for you.”
Lesson: Helps them understand the importance of staying true to their own values and making independent choices, even under pressure.
These examples help guide children in learning to pause, think, and consider the consequences of their actions, leading to wiser decision-making over time.
Teaching wisdom from an early age will lead your child to make and want decisions based on clear thinking and planned decision making. This will help them cope better with the rigours of adolescence, peer group pressure etc.
“Be a wise parent and teach your child the value of making wise decisions.”
Teaching children about the value of making good choices
It’s important to encourage our children to recognize the difference and to understand that their choices can shape their lives in profound ways. Who they become is a reflection of the decisions they make. Gail Smith emphasizes the importance of empowering children to make their own choices, highlighting the positive impact it can have on their growth and development.
We can all choose to make choices that can either hinder or enlighten our lives. For example you can choose to have a go or you can choose to not have a go. We should encourage our children to learn the difference and to understand that when we make those choices they can affect our life in different ways.
Who we are is a result of the choices we make.
Consider the following ideas about the impact on a child when they make their own choices:
Promotes Responsibility: When children learn that their choices have consequences, they develop a sense of accountability. They understand that choosing to work hard or make responsible decisions directly impacts their success and happiness.
Builds Self-Confidence: Allowing children to make choices reinforces their belief in their own abilities. Whether they succeed or fail, knowing that they had the power to choose builds confidence in their decision-making skills.
Fosters Independence: By making their own decisions, children learn to rely on themselves instead of always seeking approval or guidance from others. This fosters independence and helps them navigate life with more confidence.
Develops Critical Thinking: When children are taught to weigh the pros and cons of their choices, they develop critical thinking skills. They learn how to assess situations, predict outcomes, and make thoughtful decisions rather than impulsive ones.
Supports Emotional Growth: Understanding that they have control over their actions and thoughts (e.g. choosing to think positively) helps children manage their emotions. They learn that their choices can influence how they feel and respond to situations, which is key to emotional resilience.
These lessons empower children to shape their lives with intention and self-awareness. Don’t forget to affirm them when you see positive outcomes from choices they make themselves.
“The more a child experiences positive outcomes from making good choices, the more insight they develop about themselves.”
Let’s look at conversations to have with your child
By having regular, open conversations, parents can nurture a positive outlook in their child’s life. Here are five meaningful topics parents can frequently discuss to support mental health, instill confidence, and remind children that they are always loved. Read on to learn how these conversations can help your child grow with confidence and emotional security.
Here are five great conversation topics that parents can frequently discuss with their children to support mental health, foster a positive disposition, and reassure them of being loved. Frequent positive reminders are healthy ways to give a positive outlook to a growing child and to build emotional intelligence.
Emotions and Feelings
Topic: "How are you feeling today? It's okay to have all kinds of emotions."
Purpose: Encourage emotional expression and validation of feelings. This helps children understand that it’s normal to have a range of emotions and that their feelings are important.
Reassuring Message: "No matter how you feel, I'm always here to listen and support you."
Self-Worth and Inner Strength
Topic: "What do you think makes you special or unique?"
Purpose: This encourages self-reflection and builds self-esteem by helping the child recognize their strengths, talents, and individuality.
Reassuring Message: "You are amazing just the way you are, and I love you for who you are."
Challenges and Problem-Solving
Topic: "What was something challenging today, and how did you handle it?"
Purpose: Encouraging conversations about handling challenges reinforces resilience and problem-solving skills, helping children approach difficulties with a positive mindset.
Reassuring Message: "No matter what happens, you’re strong, and I believe in your ability to get through tough times."
Gratitude and Positivity
Topic: "What are three things you’re thankful for today?"
Purpose: Fostering gratitude can shift the focus toward the positive aspects of life, promoting optimism and mental well-being.
Reassuring Message: "Even when things are hard, there’s always something good, and I’m grateful to have you in my life."
Love and Belonging
Topic: "What’s something fun we could do together soon?"
Purpose: Strengthen the parent-child bond by focusing on shared experiences, making the child feel valued and connected.
Reassuring Message: "You are always loved, no matter what, and spending time with you makes me happy."
Frequent conversations on these topics not only build a child's mental resilience but also provide the emotional security that they are loved and supported unconditionally. Every child needs reassurance and will from time to time need that extra reassurance that their world is fine.
“A parent’s positive reassurance is a life line to a child.”
Keep yourself well and healthy as a parent
As parents, it's easy to focus solely on our children's well-being and overlook our own. However, maintaining our own mental and physical health is crucial for effective parenting. Gail Smith explains how prioritizing self-care enhances our ability to be the best parents we can be. Keep your well-being at the forefront to savor the joys of parenting.
We focus so much on our children that it is easy to forget the importance of our own well being as the parent. We owe it to ourselves to consider our well being as critical in being the best parent possible.
The more we feel well and mentally fit the greater capacity we have to parent our children well and be happy in the process.
Consider:
Emotional Availability: When parents take care of their mental and emotional health, they are better equipped to be emotionally available for their children. This means they can provide the support, empathy, and understanding that children need to feel secure and loved, fostering strong emotional bonds and a stable home environment.
Enhanced Patience and Resilience: Parenting can be challenging and demanding. Parents who maintain their well-being have greater patience and resilience, enabling them to handle stress, conflicts, and the inevitable ups and downs of parenting with a calm and composed demeanour. This helps in creating a peaceful and nurturing atmosphere at home.
Preventing Burnout: Parenting is a full-time job that can lead to burnout if self-care is neglected. Prioritising personal well-being helps parents recharge and avoid the physical and emotional exhaustion that can come from constantly putting others' needs before their own. This ensures they have the energy and enthusiasm to engage fully with their children.
Improved Problem-Solving and Decision-Making: A healthy mind and body contribute to better cognitive functioning. Parents who look after their well-being are more likely to make sound decisions and solve problems effectively, whether it's navigating everyday challenges or making important choices about their children's education, health, and future.
When we feel well and happy we tolerate more, see humour in life and enjoy and savour what is around. To get the best of being a parent, keep your well being at the forefront of your mind.
“A happy parent gives themselves a high priority.”
It really matters to listen to your child
Listening to your child is crucial for building and strengthening your relationship with them. Gail Smith explains five compelling reasons why attentive listening truly matters.
Listening to your child will make all the difference in building and strengthening that important relationship with them. Here are 5 very clear reasons why it does matter to listen well.
1. Builds Trust and Connection:
Why it matters: When parents actively listen to their children, it fosters a sense of trust and strengthens the parent-child bond. Children feel valued and understood. They are then more likely to share their thoughts and feelings.
2. Encourages Emotional Intelligence:
Why it matters: Listening helps children learn to express their emotions and understand others. By validating their feelings and discussing them, parents can guide children in developing empathy.
3. Promotes Problem-Solving Skills:
Why it matters: When parents listen and engage in conversations about challenges, children learn to think critically and come up with solutions. This practice enhances their problem-solving abilities and independence.
4. Enhances Communication Skills:
Why it matters: Children who are listened to tend to become better communicators. They learn how to articulate their thoughts clearly and respectfully, skills that are crucial for their personal and professional lives.
5. Identifies and Addresses Issues Early:
Why it matters: Active listening allows parents to detect any issues or concerns their children may be facing early on. This early intervention can prevent problems from escalating and makes for a calmer house.
“There is so much to gain by listening well to your child.”
We need to regulate our angry responses around children
It's important for parents to stay calm and not get too angry too quickly. This helps in handling issues at home effectively. When parents get angry, children might not understand why and it can harm the parent-child relationship. It's best to manage anger by taking a break before addressing the problem, as this shows emotional control and helps maintain a positive relationship with your child.
Maintaining composure and not getting too angry too quickly is crucial for effective parenting. Here are six reasons why this is important. The examples given are helpful in identifying the sorts of issues that happen at home. It is very easy and quick to turn to anger when disappointed in some behaviour, tired, irritable or just plain out of sorts. A child often doesn’t understand why you reach that point. So taking care to keep levels of anger down and to take time out before addressing the issue is the best resolution.
Modelling Emotional Regulation: When a child spills a drink accidentally, instead of getting angry immediately, say, "It's okay, accidents happen. Let's clean it up together." By staying calm, you teach your child how to manage their own emotions. They also listen and don’t shut down when you keep calm.
Teaching Problem-Solving Skills: If your child forgets their homework, rather than reacting with anger, say, "Let's figure out a solution together. How can we make sure you remember your homework in the future?" This approach helps your child learn to address challenges constructively. If they expect you to react angrily they will build anxiety over time and will avoid being in contact with you.
Promoting a Safe and Trusting Environment: If your child confesses to a mistake, like breaking a toy, avoid immediate anger and instead say, "Thank you for telling me the truth. We can find a way to fix it together." This encourages honesty and trust. We don’t want them to develop a fear over telling the truth
Preventing Escalation of Conflict: If a sibling argument arises, try not to jump in with anger. Instead, say, "Let's all take a deep breath and talk about what happened calmly." By staying composed, you prevent conflicts from worsening.
Maintaining Effective Communication: If your child receives a poor grade, don't react with anger. Instead, say, "Let's talk about what happened and how we can help you improve." This approach encourages open communication and problem-solving.
Protecting Your Child's Self-Esteem: If your child struggles with a task, don't express frustration. Instead, say, "It's okay to find this challenging. We all have things we need to practice." This protects their self-esteem and promotes a growth mindset.
Keeping your anger under control is all about emotional regulation. If a child believes that anger is your first response, your relationship with them will deteriorate and in many cases, children shut down or simply keep you out of the loop. That is their survival tactic to avoid the repercussions of anger, which is seen as a form of power and control.
If you have a relaxed and understanding approach and keep your tone calm and sympathetic, your child will approach you comfortably and with the absolute truth.
‘My job as a parent isn’t to control my child’s emotions. My job as a parent is to control mine.’
-Shelley Robinson
Nurturing a Growth Mindset in Your Child
How do you encourage positivity and a belief in your child’s ability to be an achiever? Dive into the world of positivity and belief in your child's potential with Gail Smith, as she unveils the secrets to fostering a growth mindset in your child.
In simple terms this is all about encouraging positivity and a belief in your child’s ability to be an achiever.
Consider the following:
Explain to your child the concept of a growth mindset versing a fixed mindset, highlighting the importance of believing in one's ability to improve through effort and practice.
As a parent celebrate when your child tackles a difficult task or shows resilience in the face of challenges. Let them see that effort is rewarding.
As the parent, help your child re frame statements like "I can't do this" to "I can't do this yet," emphasizing the idea of growth and progress over time. It’s about never say never.
As the parent model a growth mindset in your own life. Share stories of your own challenges and successes, demonstrating perseverance and a positive attitude towards learning.
Parents can provide constructive feedback to their child that focuses on effort, progress, and specific actions rather than fixed traits or abilities. Use phrases like, "I noticed you worked really hard on that" or "What strategies did you try?"
Set realistic, achievable goals that align with your child’s interests and abilities. Involve your child in the goal-setting process and celebrate milestones along the way. All goals should be reasonable.
Provide a supportive home environment that encourages exploration, curiosity, and a love for learning. This could include having a designated study space, providing access to educational resources, and engaging in activities that foster creativity and critical thinking.
Re frame mistakes as valuable learning opportunities rather than failures. Discuss strategies for helping your child learn from their mistakes, such as problem-solving, reflection, and seeking help when needed. Making mistakes is a human process.
Celebrate your child's growth and progress, no matter how small. This could involve creating a growth mindset journal where children document their achievements and areas of improvement or holding a "growth mindset celebration" to recognize efforts.
Offer consistent support, encouragement, and reassurance to your child as they navigate challenges and strive for growth. Not everything will be perfect but their efforts are given much encouragement.
As your child grows they need to grow with a positive mindset where there is much personal belief and a sense that all is possible.
“Courage to continue matters more than success or failure”
Some simple ideas to slow down tension at home
Managing a bustling household often leads to tension, with everyone juggling tasks and schedules. To avoid potential issues, try these simple tips for a more harmonious home. Remember, small changes can make a big difference, so be kind to yourself as you navigate the challenges of parenting.
Busy home life can mean a build up of tension as everyone rushes around to complete jobs, homework, work schedules, sport practice etc. There is no shortage of activities that need to be done and as tension builds we can find ourselves angry and behaving in ways that we regret later.
Here are some simple suggestions to ward off problems that can arise from running a busy household where tension can easily build.
When you find yourself angry at some behaviour, take time out. It may only be a few minutes but it will slow down heightened feelings of anger and give you a chance to respond in a calmer way.
Be proactive. If you see some potential ares in which trouble can be brewing try to change patterns. For example, if siblings are fighting can you separate them to have time apart.
If you find yourself very tired, perhaps lighten your load and don’t expect as much of yourself on that day. Fatigue is a great stimulant for losing patience quickly.
When solving problems with your child choose language that is simple and uncomplicated. When a child is stressed they will not always hear everything you say, so keep it simple and to the point.
Avoid triggers that will set you off in an angry state. Also consider the triggers that set off your child. Are there some situations that can be avoided. Prevention is better that cure.
Practice breathing exercises. The more you learn to be calm and breathe well when a difficult situation presents itself, the better you will mange the situation.
Sometimes you can let things go! Consider, does everything have to be solved. Decide which is best, to be happy or to be right all the time.
Sometimes it is worthwhile to check in on why you are upset. Is it necessary? Is it really an issue for you?
Think about how damaging it is to the family to be angry and upset. Think about its importance to be resolved.
Remember the big picture. In the schema of life do you need to be angry over so many things. Consider that being a good enough parent is what is adequate. After all your journey with your child will be over many years. What can you let go that will make your life easier?
We do not live in a perfect world. Families can be a messy business and we have many pressures on us as parents to always make the best decisions for our children. Take little steps and be gentle on yourself as a parent. Allow your human side to be evident to all and find a peaceful style of working with your children.
“Children do not need us to shape them. They need us to respond to who they are.”
Building confidence in your child
Based on her experience as a school principal, Gail Smith noticed something cool: kids who got to be independent seemed way happier and more confident. Check out why letting your child take their own steps is a smart move in parenting!
From the moment a child is born there will be small signs of seeking independence. Perhaps ever so subtle but none the less there is a definite presence of wanting to be independent. As parents our role is to be the nurturer and provide safety and security for our child. For a parent, letting go of your responsibility can be difficult. Research tells us, that as a child reaches out for more independence, we demonstrate better parenting, if we gently walk with them as they take steps to strengthen their personal growth. There are many reasons why being alongside your child as they take independent steps is a mature way of parenting. Consider:
Developing independence empowers children to believe in themselves and their abilities. As they accomplish tasks on their own, they gain confidence in their skills and decision-making capabilities. There is nothing like feeling successful when taking a new independent step.
Independence fosters problem-solving skills. When children face challenges independently, they learn to think critically, adapt to new situations, and find creative solutions. They understand that they must rely on themselves and this does not frighten them.
Learning to be independent instils a sense of responsibility in children. They understand the consequences of their actions and take ownership of tasks, fostering accountability and self-reliance. They will try different solutions to problems and not be intimidated by an occasional failure.
Independence allows children to make decisions and choices on their own. Through these experiences, they learn to weigh options, consider consequences, and develop sound decision-making abilities. There is nothing more liberating than making your own decisions.
Independence encourages self-reliance. Children become more resourceful and resilient as they learn to depend on themselves to accomplish tasks and overcome obstacles. They will ask questions but not expect to be given the answer.
Developing independence prepares children for adulthood. By learning essential life skills and becoming self-sufficient, they gain the confidence and competence to thrive in the responsibilities of adulthood. Little by little they step into an adult world, well prepared with less surprises.
Independence contributes to building healthy relationships. Children who are independent are better able to communicate their needs, assert boundaries, and engage in mutually respectful interactions with others. This is all about developing emotional maturity.
Independence fosters a spirit of exploration and creativity. When children have the freedom to pursue their interests and ideas independently, they are more likely to discover new passions and talents. They become better risk takers and enjoy the challenge.
Developing independence helps children form their own identity. As they make choices and pursue interests that align with their values and preferences, they gain a clearer sense of who they are and what they stand for. A child with such confidence will attract like minded children. This makes for forming healthy relationships.
In my experience as school principal, it was always the case that children who were given opportunities to demonstrate independence appeared happy and self assured. They engaged with all sorts of peers and were comfortable in many settings.
“Building independence in your child is all about sound parenting.”
Listening to your children is incredibly important for several reasons
Talk less, listen more next time when you are having a conversation with your children. Consider the following reasons why active listening is so important by Gail Smith.
We all need to feel heard. We need to express our needs to gain help. Children get the support they need by being listened to from a caring and patient parent. Consider the following reasons why active listening is so important:
Building Trust and Connection: When you listen attentively to your children, it strengthens the bond between you. It shows them that their thoughts, feelings, and opinions matter, creating a foundation of trust and openness in your relationship. Children feel safer when being really listened to effectively.
Developing Healthy Communication Skills: By actively listening, you teach your children the importance of effective communication. They learn how to express themselves, articulate their thoughts, and engage in meaningful conversations. Children enjoy being around a child that listens well. They feel reassured and valued.
Boosting Self-Esteem and Confidence: When children feel heard and understood, it boosts their self- esteem. It gives them the confidence to express themselves without fear of judgement, nurturing their sense of self-worth. Being truly heard means that you value that person and believe that what they have to say has credibility.
Understanding Their World: Listening to your children helps you understand their world better. It provides insights into their interests, concerns, and challenges, allowing you to offer guidance and support tailored to their needs. You form better relationships with your child when you understand and appreciate their world.
Building Emotional Intelligence: Listening well nurtures emotional intelligence in children. They learn to identify and express their emotions, leading to better self-regulation and empathy towards others.
Encouraging Problem-Solving Skills: Active listening teaches children problem-solving skills. By allowing them to express their thoughts and feelings, they learn to analyze situations and find solutions independently. This is all about believing in themselves and having trusting people around them that listen.
Strengthening Parent-Child Relationship: When children feel heard and valued, it strengthens the parent-child relationship. It creates a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing their joys and concerns, leading to a deeper connection.
Setting the tone of conversation: When you listen well you are often calm and talk in a comfortable, unstressed manner. This sets the scene for a relaxed and peaceful chat that has value to your child.
By setting up a culture of listening well to your child, you set the scene for an environment where conversation is encouraged and where everyone feels valued and makes contributions.
“Listen well to your child. They will return this compliment later.”
Encourage creativity in our children
Creativity is intelligence having fun. Read on to see how creativity can be a major driving force of learning for your child.
Einstein once said: Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.
All great learners were creative. They experimented with ideas, challenged their thoughts, looked outside the square and developed a vision of what they wanted to achieve. As a parent you can find many ways to develop your child’s creativity and of course encourage them to follow their passions. The thoughts below are a guide to reflecting on how creativity can be a major driving force of learning for your child.
Creativity encourages Inquisitiveness and Exploration
Creativity sparks curiosity, prompting children to explore and question the world around them. Let them ask those important questions.
A child encouraged to ask "What if?" might explore science experiments, leading to a lifelong interest in discovery and learning. There is no room for self doubt with creativity.
Creativity develops Critical Thinking and Problem-Solving Skills
Creative activities challenge children to think critically and solve problems, essential skills for effective learning.
Building with blocks or solving a puzzle encourages creative problem-solving, laying the foundation for analytical thinking. Play games with your child and encourage different types of formal learning such as chess, dominoes etc.
Creativity fosters a Love for Learning
Creative pursuits make learning enjoyable, fostering a love for discovering new things. This is all about following those passions that drive your interest
Engaging in imaginative storytelling or creative writing can make literature and language exciting, creating a positive association with learning. Encourage your child with reading.
Creativity enhances Communication and Expression
Creative activities provide children with various avenues to express themselves, improving communication skills. Think about how wonderful drama is to enrich the spirit.
Drawing, painting, or even acting out stories allows children to convey their thoughts and feelings, enhancing their ability to communicate effectively. Allow your child to sing, dance, recite invent plays etc. It is all about being creative.
Creativity promotes Adaptability and Resilience
Creativity encourages adaptability and resilience by teaching children to approach challenges with an open mind. They should not be afraid of failure but see it as an opportunity to rethink.
When faced with a setback, a child accustomed to creative problem-solving might see it as an opportunity to try a different approach. In fact they enjoy the challenge looking at alternative ways of thinking..
If our children are encouraged to explore and to see the world through creative eyes, they will be creators, innovators, leaders etc. Creativity gives you the confidence to think freely and to take risks in learning that can lead you into new directions. Be the parent that invites creativity into the life of your child. They will be happier and richer for the experience.
‘Creativity is intelligence having fun’
-Albert Einstein
Managing anger in children
It’s natural for children to feel angry on occasion. Here are some tips to help manage this.
There are many ways we can respond to anger. Consider the following ideas to help with managing anger.
Teach Your Child Acceptable Responses to Anger
They can simply walk away from the person making them angry.
Find a spot to cool off.
Think about positive thoughts that take you away form the anger
Tell yourself to keep calm.
Teaching How to Handle Big Feelings
Kids need to learn how to handle their big feelings like anger. It helps them deal with tough situations better. Talk about what is a big feeling.
Teach simple breathing exercises or offer a cosy spot when they're upset. Show them it's okay to talk about feelings and find ways to let out anger without hurting anyone, like drawing or going for a run.
Solving problems and talking nicely
Learning to manage anger teaches children how to fix problems without fighting and how to talk nicely.
Practise talking about what's bothering them without yelling. Show how to listen when someone else is upset and find ways to fix things together. Always create a calm, warm atmosphere when talking about anxious matters.
Making Friends and Being Happy
Handling anger nicely helps kids make good friends and be happy in school and at home.
Role-play situations where they can practise talking without getting mad. Encourage being kind and understanding to others to build strong friendships.
Feeling Calm and Relaxed
Managing anger helps kids feel calm and relaxed instead of stressed or upset all the time.
Try relaxation activities like deep breaths or listening to calming music. Doing fun activities or games that they enjoy also helps release stress. A basketball ring outside in the yard is a great stress buster
Getting Stronger and Smarter
Learning to handle anger makes kids strong and smart. It helps them learn from mistakes and not give up. With anger under control they are more socially engaging with everyone.
Encourage them to think positively when things go wrong. Show how trying different ways to solve a problem can make them better at handling tough situations.
We all have a right to feel angry. It is a natural response when we are disappointed, hurt etc. Teaching our children how to deal with anger in a positive way develops their emotional intelligence and gives them great strategies to operate in many and varied life situations. A person’s well being is really enhanced if they have great skills in managing anger.
‘Teaching your child how their behaviour effects others raises their sensitivities and invites them to rethink their anger.’
- Gail J Smith
Helping your child develop strong emotional intelligence
Here are various simple ways we can help build emotional intelligence in our children.
We all talk about the avenues to build intellectual intelligence. We also need to recognise that the growth of emotional intelligence is critical for a person to cope well in society and to feel inclusive. Strong emotional intelligence helps us regulate our emotions and view the world in a broader way. Our well-being is best enhanced by developing high levels of emotional intelligence.
There are various simple ways we can help build emotional intelligence in our children. Here are some suggestions:
Talk About Feelings:
Ask your child how they're feeling and why. Encourage them to express their emotions, like happiness, sadness, or anger. Use those words in conversations about how they are feeling. Talking about feelings is seen as a positive sign of building and understanding well-being. Let them see that you have feelings and can manage those feelings. We all have strengths and weaknesses.
Listen Actively:
When your child talks about their feelings, listen carefully without interrupting. Show that you understand and care about what they're saying. Place no judgement on their feelings or emotional state. They will regulate themselves better if you are calm and steady.
Teach Problem-Solving:
Help your child find solutions when they face problems or conflicts. Ask questions like, "What can we do to make this better?" Be prepared to use negotiation with your child.
Manage Your Own Emotions:
Show your child how you handle your own feelings. If you're upset, explain why and how you're trying to feel better. Be authentic when you talk about your feelings and talk about the strategies you will employ to help you through the problem.
Empathy and Understanding:
Teach your child to think about how others might feel. When they see someone sad, ask, "How do you think they're feeling?" Demonstrate empathy in your own life and apply it to the family. If a child sees you empathetic they learn it quickly. Your modelling is so important here.
Use Books and Stories:
Read books or tell stories that explore emotions and situations. Discuss the characters' feelings and ask your child how they would react. Watch movies together that highlight empathy and sympathy. Talk about them as a family
In simple terms, parents can help their children develop emotional intelligence by talking about feelings, listening, problem-solving, setting a good example with their own emotions, teaching empathy, and using stories to explore emotions together. Each day there will be occasions where you can highlight in little ways the importance of being emotionally switched on to life matters.
Be a parent who embraces healthy emotions and recognises the occasions where you can be helpful in strengthening emotional intelligence.
‘One can be the master of what one does, but never of what one feels.”
-Gustav Flaubert
How many battles do you need to win?
This blog discusses the theme of picking your battles with your children wisely.
In the business of the week and with all sorts of family issues to address, the question is how many battles with your child do you want to win?
Perhaps the better question is, how many battles do you need to win to keep stability and balance in the home and to remain sane? Teachers are quite clever at picking their battles in the classroom. They recognise that some issues should simply be left alone. They have a way of taking care of themselves. Other issues can be dealt with at an appropriate time and some may need immediate action. The skill comes in recognising the issues that need addressing and why you, the teacher are concerned about them.
There are several factors that drive our motivation to deal with taking on battles with our children. These include:
Tiredness.
Preoccupation.
Busy times.
Focusing on what presses your buttons.
Irritability.
Opinions of others about your parenting.
Wanting to always win.
Frightened to be out of control as the parent.
What we need to do as parents is take a step back and when an issue has come up, try to reflect on how important is it to resolve.
Is now the best time to deal with it?
Are we in the best framework to manage the situation?
Is it an important issue?
If you are questioning whether you want to deal with the issue, this is an excellent way to start reflecting on how, when and if necessary you will deal with it.
Here I say:
Be confident that you will make the best decision of how to deal with it. After all you are now giving it some thought!
Allowing time to reflect slows down some anxious thoughts and makes the situation less heated.
You will evaluate the worth of going into battle if you simply stop and think about it.
It is always important to evaluate why you are angry and this should guide you in the best response. What is driving your anger is an important and often revealing thought to explore.
Finally, our children challenge us in many ways. We are definitely challenged by simply choosing how we respond to those situations. Our response will dictate how our relationship keeps developing.
‘Perfect parents exist but they do not yet have children.’
-Unknown
Poor behaviour can get you down - 9 ways to better manage
Here are nine tips to better respond when poor behaviour interferes with you and your child’s relationship.
From time to time, continued poor behaviour can be tiring and may cause a frustrated parent to overreact on the littlest of issues. It is always wise to remind yourself of one important fact, when taken seriously, it helps to ease the pressures when things just get too hard. Remember what you are seeing with your child is simply behaviour. It is acted out because of some reasons where satisfaction has not been gained. It is a call for help. It is not the nature of the child nor should you begin to feel guilty because you have feelings of not liking your child. What you do not like is the behaviour, which is temporary and is not the child.
Here are nine thoughts to help understand the best ways to respond when poor behaviour interferes with your relationship with your child:
Be a proactive parent. This is where you are actively engaged in their life and always on the lookout to be proactive. This means spending time with your child, talking to them, playing, reading together and encouraging independence. It is all about having an active presence in their life. You have more chance of being heard when disciplining and will be respected by your child when rules, routines and rituals are put in place to enrich the family.
Catch them when they are good and keep the affirmation at a high level. Be specific and let them know what you affirm them for rather than just general acknowledgement.‘Well done. You put the dishes away and now I can go to bed a little earlier.’
When problem behaviour occurs, try to think about what and why the behaviour has occurred. Finding the reason takes away the feelings of disappointment and reduces angry disappointed feelings. Listen to your child and hear what they have to say.
Prevention is better than cure. Here I suggest you make sure your child knows what is expected of them and this may mean demonstrating the expected behaviour to the child. Having regular routines is helpful in developing regular behaviour patterns. Younger children especially, may not know what is expected of them.
When disciplining, take care to criticise the behaviour of the child and not the child. Upset children can misinterpret very quickly that you dislike them. It is all about disliking the behaviour, not the child.
Learn to negotiate with your child and get them involved in talking about the consequences of their actions. Keep the punishment to only suit the crime and move on quickly. Never surprise your child with some new way of dealing with the problem. Keep consequences familiar and consistent. Check-in with them later to make sure you are back on track with your relationship.
Are there some situations that you can let go and decide that some things can just pass? It is OK to just forgive, forget and make a fresh start. This is important to be intuitive enough to know what is best left alone.
In solving problems, it is vital that it’s done with the child. Once the problem is established, look together at possible ways to deal with it. Together, choose a solution to trial. Try it and later evaluate if it worked. This is the best way to teach them how to solve problems.
Keep things as simple as possible. When a child is upset, their capacity to reason and be logical drops immensely. They need you to be clear about the concern and to direct them into managing the problem calmly and with a belief in solving the problem together.
Finally, when we think about supporting our children with behavioural issues and problems, keep in mind that children have rights. One is to be treated fairly and consistently. Parents have rights also. One is to decide what standards of behaviour are acceptable in their own home. The invitation is clear. Treat your child with dignity as you educate them into managing themselves in a loving, respectful family, where effective listening and appreciation of each others’ rights are paramount. This can start from a very early age.
‘Challenging behaviour occurs when the demands and expectations being placed upon a child outstrip the skills they have to respond.’
-Youth Dynamics
Teach our children to be flexible and with this, determination
This blog discusses parenting tips on how to combine flexibility with the importance of being determined.
We live in a world that demands a flexible and open way of being and doing. The more obstinate and single minded we become, the more obstacles we have and the lack of interest people will show in our causes. This blog is a combination of thinking about flexibility and with it the importance of being determined.
Let’s teach our children that they can be flexible and when things don’t go their way, they can change direction, try another way and with determination, keep going. How many times do things go wrong and we are left with the question of what now? A determined mind and a disposition to be flexible and try a different way, shows stamina and invariably leads to success and most definitely more satisfaction.
Take for example a child who struggles to understand subtraction. Try as they might they just can’t understand how it works. In this case, if he decides to learn a different way or perhaps set up separate lessons with his teacher, he is showing determination and a flexible approach to solving subtraction. Here there is no defeat, but a stoic approach to getting on top of the problem. What great resilience to teach your child. What wonderful feelings of being successful a child will have.
Consider:
There will be times when a problem gets on top of you. Talk to your child about all the approaches you will try to solve the problem. Let them know that with flexibility and new way of thinking, the problem can be solved. There will be no walking away from the situation.
Your child will need help from time to time. If it’s homework, avoid frustration and look for alternative ways to solve the issue. It may be a simple solution of just talking to the teacher. Either way, you let them know that it is important to get on top of the problem.
When you see your child struggling with their toys, games etc, rather than putting them away making excuses like, ‘it’s too hard or you’re so tired’, try working on suggestions: ‘Let’s find another way to put that Lego together.’ ‘The jigsaw is tricky, let’s turn it around and start from the other end.’
Here we are saying that all is possible with new ideas and the belief that you can do it.
How many times do we put things away to avoid increasing problems or disappointments? Show them that conquering the problem is the way to go using creativity and finding flexible tools. The reward is to complete the task which is so satisfying. Of course, everything within reason and a responsible parent knows when enough effort is enough.
Try to teach the principle.‘If we can’t do this, then we can have a go another way.’
Teach them that something tackled is worth finishing and that finding different ways around the problem is very satisfying.
Children can often get disappointed because they discover that they are not good runners, or they are poor at spelling. This is where we move in by reminding them that you find other things that they are good at. Teachers are very capable of redirecting a child’s focus when they feel let down when they are not showing skill in a certain area. This is being determined to not be put down by failure, but redirecting one’s thinking to what makes you shine. It is also recognising that we cannot be perfect at everything.
We all have losses and we all recognise that some things may not be obtainable but if we teach our children to be flexible and keep persevering, who knows where this life lesson goes? How many stories do we hear of brave acts such as sailing solo around the world with major disabilities?
A child who learns the value of perseverance and has an optimistic approach to solving problems in different ways is a fortunate child. They learn that having a go may mean failure but having another go, it might just work!
‘They can’t use up creativity. The more you use the more they have.’
-Mayo Angelou
Teaching your children to be planners
Organisation is always a challenge for children as they grow. Also, as parents, some of us are less organised people in planning events etc. It’s just in our nature how we approach planning. This article tells us that planning can be learnt, which is so beneficial for children’s success in self-management. The earlier they value being a planner, the more they gain through being organised and in control of what they are doing.
Taking time to plan something well shows that a person is making choices about how they want to be in control of their actions. They come to understand that they will have more successful outcomes by being a planner. Planning well gives you a vision into what you are expecting as an outcome. To be productive is to plan well. For example, if you plan your trip well for the school holidays you feel reassured that it will be successful and that you have a clear understanding of what to expect. There are fewer unfortunate surprises.
There are developing skills in learning to plan well and children will get better at it and more accurate in their planning, reading situations better etc. as time goes. They will make mistakes but grow in confidence about sharpening the planning process.
Teachers know that planning their lessons well is the key to the quality of teaching. Without effective well-planned lessons, teachers easily lose control of the outcomes. They understand that the quality of their planning will impact a child’s learning.
Read here to help your child be a dedicated planner.
They are also keen to teach children the importance of planning and when assignments are on the agenda, teachers will spend considerable time with children discussing their plan. Sometimes pieces of work are marked on the quality of the planning demonstrated by a child.
When we teach our children to plan important events etc., they begin to value the process of planning as a way of managing their world and feel in control. They are setting the directions themselves. Once they feel the success of their planning, children will want more control of their actions.
Here are some thoughts on helping your child become a dedicated planner.
Demonstrate to your child how you plan for important events, occasions etc. Allow them to share in some of this planning. Is planning an important part of your work life?
There are various ways to plan and everyone develops their own style. Talk about what tools you use to help you plan. For example, are you someone who takes notes?
Do you plan your events on a computer? Do you revisit the plan?
What resources do you use in planning?
When your child talks about important events that they will participate in, talk about what plans they have in place to make it successful.
When planning we all need time for this and talk to your children about how much time they will give to the planning process.
Talk about successes you have had from careful planning. It is also worthwhile to talk about the trial and error in planning. This is also an important process we go through before discernment.
A wise person sees planning as a natural part of putting order and structure into their world. Teaching our children, the value of planning gives them an important tool in guiding their directions with personal satisfaction and confidence.
“‘Good teaching is more a giving of right questions than a giving of right answers.’
-Josef Albers”
Fight, flight or go with the flow.
Do you have one of these tendencies when you are dealing with a conflictual issue? Sometimes our determination, sense of self-worth and anxiety about failure can take over and rather than losing face we can choose a flight or fight mode to cope. From time to time we switch into different modes. Flight and fight are a form of escapism from combined resolution.
Children will naturally experiment with all three modes and as they mature, we hope that they will be more inclined to read the signs and go with the flow avoiding failure. Rather this is more about understanding the circumstances, being tolerant of other’s opinions and not wearing the problem. It takes considerable maturity to go with the flow and compromise your way of being. However, after time you begin to realise the advantages of it.
Flowing with the situation requires discernment and developing the wisdom to cope with the situation, not personalise the matter and not get stressed. This may mean compromising your principals but it is also about thinking of others and valuing their input.
Parents who take on the fight model will eventually struggle as the child gets older. Fleeing is a model where we avoid situations that can eventually grow into a much more complex problem.
Are you a fight, flight or go with the flow type of parent?
Modelling for our children the art of flowing is teaching them that fight or flight is short term satisfaction. To flow keeps you in the discussion and hopefully, you still have stakes in the matter.
Teachers are all about negotiation and compromise. They teach children that when they are faced with a problem it is best to confront it and together with the other person negotiate a way though. If a teacher uses the model of fighting to win, they understand that eventually, their power runs out and no real resolution is made other than damaged relationships.
Consider:
When discussing matters with your child that can be unsettling, take care not to immediately resort to power to end the matter. This is likened to fighting to win and will eventually be unsuccessful. Negotiate. Talk to your child about what is on their mind and be prepared to discuss the matter calmly. Using the fight mode tells your children that the matter is unsettling for you and perhaps you are not the right person to talk to about the issue.
Parents can use flight by refusing to talk to their child about matters that they don’t want discussed. Escaping from such conversations can lead to children seeking resolution elsewhere.
Always be prepared to listen and discuss. You may be surprised at what you learn.
If you child has a tendency to fight or to run away from issues, gently engage with them and help them talk through the problem calmly and without judgement.
Teach your child that being prepared to listen, can lead to new information. Once you listen it is easier to go with the flow and simply you work through the problem more easily. You are more inclined to have a positive input into problems or conflict if people see you as someone who is fair and reasonable in discussing matters that are sensitive.
“If you want to fly give up everything that weighs you down.”