Teaching your children to be planners

Organisation is always a challenge for children as they grow. Also, as parents, some of us are less organised people in planning events etc. It’s just in our nature how we approach planning. This article tells us that planning can be learnt, which is so beneficial for children’s success in self-management. The earlier they value being a planner, the more they gain through being organised and in control of what they are doing.

Taking time to plan something well shows that a person is making choices about how they want to be in control of their actions. They come to understand that they will have more successful outcomes by being a planner. Planning well gives you a vision into what you are expecting as an outcome. To be productive is to plan well. For example, if you plan your trip well for the school holidays you feel reassured that it will be successful and that you have a clear understanding of what to expect. There are fewer unfortunate surprises.

There are developing skills in learning to plan well and children will get better at it and more accurate in their planning, reading situations better etc. as time goes. They will make mistakes but grow in confidence about sharpening the planning process.

Teachers know that planning their lessons well is the key to the quality of teaching. Without effective well-planned lessons, teachers easily lose control of the outcomes. They understand that the quality of their planning will impact a child’s learning.

Read here to help your child be a dedicated planner.

They are also keen to teach children the importance of planning and when assignments are on the agenda, teachers will spend considerable time with children discussing their plan. Sometimes pieces of work are marked on the quality of the planning demonstrated by a child.

When we teach our children to plan important events etc., they begin to value the process of planning as a way of managing their world and feel in control. They are setting the directions themselves. Once they feel the success of their planning, children will want more control of their actions.

Here are some thoughts on helping your child become a dedicated planner.

• Demonstrate to your child how you plan for important events, occasions etc. Allow them to share in some of this planning. Is planning an important part of your work life?

• There are various ways to plan and everyone develops their own style. Talk about what tools you use to help you plan. For example, are you someone who takes notes?

• Do you plan your events on a computer? Do you revisit the plan?

• What resources do you use in planning?

• When your child talks about important events that they will participate in, talk about what plans they have in place to make it successful.

• When planning we all need time for this and talk to your children about how much time they will give to the planning process.

• Talk about successes you have had from careful planning. It is also worthwhile to talk about the trial and error in planning. This is also an important process we go through before discernment.

A wise person sees planning as a natural part of putting order and structure into their world. Teaching our children, the value of planning gives them an important tool in guiding their directions with personal satisfaction and confidence.

“‘Good teaching is more a giving of right questions than a giving of right answers.’

                             -Josef Albers”

— Quote Source

Fight, flight or go with the flow.

Do you have one of these tendencies when you are dealing with a conflictual issue? Sometimes our determination, sense of self-worth and anxiety about failure can take over and rather than losing face we can choose a flight or fight mode to cope. From time to time we switch into different modes. Flight and fight are a form of escapism from combined resolution.

Children will naturally experiment with all three modes and as they mature, we hope that they will be more inclined to read the signs and go with the flow avoiding failure. Rather this is more about understanding the circumstances, being tolerant of other’s opinions and not wearing the problem. It takes considerable maturity to go with the flow and compromise your way of being. However, after time you begin to realise the advantages of it.

Flowing with the situation requires discernment and developing the wisdom to cope with the situation, not personalise the matter and not get stressed. This may mean compromising your principals but it is also about thinking of others and valuing their input.

Parents who take on the fight model will eventually struggle as the child gets older. Fleeing is a model where we avoid situations that can eventually grow into a much more complex problem.

Are you a fight, flight or go with the flow type of parent?

Modelling for our children the art of flowing is teaching them that fight or flight is short term satisfaction. To flow keeps you in the discussion and hopefully, you still have stakes in the matter.

Teachers are all about negotiation and compromise. They teach children that when they are faced with a problem it is best to confront it and together with the other person negotiate a way though. If a teacher uses the model of fighting to win, they understand that eventually, their power runs out and no real resolution is made other than damaged relationships.

 Consider:

• When discussing matters with your child that can be unsettling, take care not to immediately resort to power to end the matter. This is likened to fighting to win and will eventually be unsuccessful. Negotiate. Talk to your child about what is on their mind and be prepared to discuss the matter calmly. Using the fight mode tells your children that the matter is unsettling for you and perhaps you are not the right person to talk to about the issue.

• Parents can use flight by refusing to talk to their child about matters that they don’t want discussed. Escaping from such conversations can lead to children seeking resolution elsewhere.

• Always be prepared to listen and discuss. You may be surprised at what you learn.

• If you child has a tendency to fight or to run away from issues, gently engage with them and help them talk through the problem calmly and without judgement.

• Teach your child that being prepared to listen, can lead to new information. Once you listen it is easier to go with the flow and simply you work through the problem more easily. You are more inclined to have a positive input into problems or conflict if people see you as someone who is fair and reasonable in discussing matters that are sensitive.

“If you want to fly give up everything that weighs you down.”

— Gurubogsa

Schools are all about problem solving

Do you like problem-solving?  Schools are all about problem-solving. Children are invited to pose questions and go through a process of exploring optional ways of learning about the matter. You could say that it is quite open-ended and some people who are more closed in the way they work feel that inviting questions is not the best way to learn. Whatever your thoughts, education is all about making inquiries and investigating and probing into issues. We are encouraging our children to be problem solvers, to accept that there are various ways to look at a problem and various ways to explore options.

As parents, this is an opportunity to support the child’s learning by being someone who doesn’t put all the answers in front of the child. Your role is to explore questions with your child. Asking questions and together reflecting on different ways to look at a problem. You have many opportunities as a parent to share in this method of teaching children.

Consider:

Schools, problem solving in The Primary Years

• When you are together in the car this is a great time to explore ideas together perhaps about what you see outside.

• Read some content of the newspaper to your child. Discuss some topic that lends itself to being seen from many angles.

• Plan to have a weekly family discussion on some controversial matter. Remember to give your child ample opportunity to respond with ideas. If you watch some news together there is plenty of content there for discussion and general inquiry.

• Tune into some of the work the child is doing at school that may involve a project on some topic. Notice how there are many questions being posed about that topic. Here you can join in with some ideas of your own.

• In engaging with your child through an inquiry approach to ensure that you value their opinions and ask about their sources of information. After all, questioning leads to quite a lot of researching.

• When you see the research that your child is doing on a set topic, tune in with some question’s about the nature of the research and how it fits into the whole topic.

• With younger children, you can still explore with them many of the questions that they ask on a regular basis. They love the question…

“Why?”

This is a chance to explore different answers together.

These thoughts are simply to help parents tune into the nature of the inquiry approach which is all about showing an investigative attitude to all areas of learning. The more we question, the more we explore optional ways of looking at situations and problems.

“Questions are the engines of intellect. The cerebral machines which convert energy to motion, to curiosity, to controlled inquiry.”

— David Hackett Fischer

Teaching the value of problem solving.

Schools understand the value of teaching problem solving. The style of teaching often taught is through an inquiry approach whereby questioning and problem solving play a very big part in how children are taught to learn.

With this in mind, as a parent, teaching problem solving from an early age makes a lot of sense. Consider some of the advantages.

Strategies to support your child’s ability to problem solve.

If you are encouraging problem solving you are inviting your child to solve their own problems. You are also encouraging independent thinking and risk taking. You are in effect teaching your child that making mistakes, trialling ways to solve problems and ‘having a go’ are valuable tools in working out how to solve life issues. As a parent you are teaching them to rely on their own ingenuity, creativity and common sense. You have confidence in their own decision making.

Let’s look at some strategies to support your child’s ability to problem solve.

• Be the model and talk to your child about how you brainstorm issues when you have a problem. Demonstrate some recent examples of how you dealt with some problems that needed careful thought.

• Teaching a child to list some options they may be thinking about to solve a problem is useful.

“Try listing three ways you could solve that problem”,

“Great now let’s discuss each option and see how it would work for you.”

• Some children enjoy having a problem-solving book where they write in optional ways to look at the problem.

• How about the what, where, how and why questions. This can be a habit to ask the children when they talk about a problem

What is it that you are solving as a problem?

How can you solve it?

Where is it to be dealt with?

What are you dealing with?

These four questions help a child think a bit deeper about the problem they aim to solve.

Another tool to help a child solve the problem is to simply write down the problem. Some children reflect more deeply when they see the problem written down on paper.

A few tips to make the process work well.

• Have faith in your child’s ability to work it out. Be patient.

• Ensure that your body language is always positive when a child offers suggestions.

• Affirm their efforts.

“Well done for thinking of that as an option.”

• Allow them to make mistakes and reassure them that this is part of the process.

• Remind them of famous people such as Einstein who only learnt through practice and making errors.

• Encourage perseverance.
  “Great effort. Have you planned any further direction with     that problem?”

In working with children with regard to school issues such as friendship problems, anxiety about poor performance etc., it was most important to firstly talk about the success you had noticed in previous attempts.

The importance of feeling anger and disappointment.

Strange title you must be thinking. However, this is all about the child experiencing feelings that make them unsettled and uncomfortable from time to time. This is all about strengthening their emotional growth.

We know that children grow existentially when they feel success, but this only comes after they appreciate failure and some disappointment. In my experience, as a Principal, parents who almost disallow their child from feeling disappointment are hindering their child's emotional and often social growth. By this, I mean when a parent tries to take the pain away by blaming others or taking over the problem. I appreciate that a parent must guide and protect their child from reasonable harm, but without some punches, the child will only expect the parent to solve the problem for them. This sets the child up for failure down the track. It also models to the child that they do not have to manage their affairs themselves.

I would be quite concerned when parents wanted a meeting, but insisted that their child be present. In some cases this went very well, but quite often the meeting was merely to show to the child that the parent would solve their problem for them. No surprises when I tell you these meetings I ensured were very short!

The following thoughts help build the child's belief in their own abilities to solve problems.

• As a family, ask the child to chat about their problems as you are open to listen without judgement and certainly you are empathetic to their concerns. The key here is that the child isn't expecting you to solve the problem.
• Talk openly about some problems you have had to work on over time.
• In working with some children I discovered they became anxious about telling their parents as they were concerned that they would take over the problem and cause upset for them at school. Remaining calm and interested in the problem is the key.
• Discuss optional ways the child could solve the problem but always recognising their ideas are very valid. Then give them a chance to “have a go.”
• Applaud their efforts in self managing the problem,whether they succeed or not. This is about recognising how they develop their own strategies.
• If they come back with the issue unresolved that is the time to discuss you engagement in the problem.

In my experience, once they succeed in working through an issue, they become more interested in solving the next problem. Success breeds success and the more a child self manages their issues, the more they attract like minded children.

Children who succeed in working through an issue, become more interested in solving the next problem.