Finding Balance: Helping Your Child Thrive at School and at Home
When school and home life are in sync, children feel more supported and parents feel less stressed. In this blog, we explore simple, practical ways to create a sense of balance that helps your child thrive both in the classroom and at home.
Modern family life can feel like a juggling act. School timetables, homework, after-school activities, work commitments, meal prep, family time, it’s easy to feel stretched. For children, the pace can be just as overwhelming. That’s why finding balance between school and home is all about your child’s well-being.
Why Balance Matters
Children thrive when life feels predictable and calm. They need time to learn, play, rest, and connect. Without balance, they may become anxious, tired, or unmotivated.
1. Create a Rhythm, Not a Rigid Routine
Instead of trying to run your household like a military base, focus on rhythm. A flexible rhythm means meals happen at roughly the same time, there’s a set time for homework and bedtime is fairly consistent. It’s reliable but adaptable. Children feel secure when they know what to expect.
✅ Tip: Use a visual schedule at home to help younger children understand the flow of the day.
2. Set Reasonable Homework Expectations
Homework can quickly take over family life. While it’s important, it shouldn't become a daily battle. Keep sessions short, focused, and positive. If your child is tired or stuck, it’s okay to take a break or ask the teacher for support.
✅ Tip: A 10-minute wind-down or snack break after school can reset the brain before homework begins.
3. Protect Downtime Like a Treasure
Children need time to just “be.” Whether that’s lying on the floor drawing, building Lego castles, reading, or playing outside, this “free” time is where creativity, imagination, and emotional processing happen. Don’t overschedule your child with activities.
✅ Tip: Schedule one “empty” afternoon per week—no playdates, no homework pressure, just time to relax.
4. Be Present, Not Perfect
Your child doesn’t need a perfect home, they need a connected one. It’s easy to get caught up in logistics, but make room for small, meaningful moments: a cuddle, a walk, a laugh over dinner. These build emotional strength more than any structured activity.
✅ Tip: Choose one daily connection ritual, like bedtime stories, a shared breakfast, or a 5-minute chat after school.
5. Model Balance Yourself
Your child watches how you manage life. If you’re always rushing, scrolling, or stressed, they notice. Show them what it looks like to slow down, to rest, to enjoy moments. When you prioritize balance, they learn to do the same.
✅ Tip: Let your child see you reading a book, taking a walk, or saying “no” to too much.
Final Thought
Balance isn’t about perfection, it’s about harmony. There will be busy weeks and messy days, and that’s okay. What matters is creating a home where your child feels supported, where learning is respected, and where joy has space to bloom. When school and home are in balance, everyone feels more grounded and that’s a win for the whole family.
Letting Go a Little: Why Gradual Independence Matters for Your Child’s Growth
Letting go a little doesn't mean stepping back; it means stepping alongside. Gail Smith shares how allowing our children to try, stumble, and learn with our support (not control) builds the confidence and independence they need to grow.
One of the hardest parts of parenting is knowing when to step back. We want to keep our children safe, happy, and successful, and sometimes that means we hold on too tightly and are frightened of them making mistakes. We need to start giving them gradual independence, little by little, day by day, even though some of this independence will mean making mistakes which can be upsetting.
We are not leaving them to figure things out alone. It means letting them try, stumble, learn, and succeed with our support, not our control. They learn to know we are there when really needed. If they think we are about control, they will step back and lose interest.
Why Does Gradual Independence Matter?
In today’s world, it can feel risky to let children do things on their own. However it is more risky not to enable your child to cope with the real world and to rely on others to solve problems. There’s pressure to protect them from failure, frustration, and even boredom. But the truth is:
✅ Children learn by doing, not by watching.
✅ Confidence comes from experience, not praise alone.
✅ Resilience is built through overcoming small challenges.
Gradually gaining independence awakens in the child a wonderful sense of personal satisfaction and confidence. It is quite liberating!
Real-Life Examples of Where It Matters
1. Getting Ready for School
It might be quicker (and tidier!) to pack their bag, zip their coat, and butter their toast. But every time we take over, we take away a learning opportunity.
💡 Instead:
Teach them how to check a simple morning list: bag packed, lunchbox in, coat on, shoes by the door. It’ll take patience at first, but it pays off fast, and they’ll feel proud doing it themselves.
2. Friendships and Play
If your child says, “He won’t play with me,” it’s tempting to jump in and fix it. But these small moments are chances to learn negotiation, sharing, and handling disappointment.
💡 Instead:
Ask questions like: “What could you try next time?” or “How do you think he felt?” Help them think through solutions but let them do the talking.
3. Homework and Learning
You want your child to succeed, so it’s natural to sit beside them and guide every step. But they need to learn how to think, not just how to get the answer. This may involve learning from mistakes.
💡 Instead:
Support them to plan their time, set up a quiet space, and check their own work. You’re building independence and responsibility. Homework is also the responsibility of the school and child, not the parent.
4. Problem Solving
From a forgotten jumper to a missed club, let children experience small consequences safely.
💡 Instead:
If they forget something, avoid racing to school with it. Next time, they’ll remember. These low stakes “failures” teach responsibility better than lectures ever could.
What Gets in the Way?
Fear of failure: We worry a mistake will hurt their confidence, but small stumbles teach big lessons.
Time pressure: Life is busy, and doing it ourselves is faster, but it delays learning.
Wanting to protect: We want to shield them from discomfort, but facing challenges with our support grows courage. Children want to feel in control.
How to Start Giving Gradual Independence
Think of it like riding a bike:
1. You hold the saddle.
2. You run beside them.
3. You let go... but stay nearby.
4. You cheer them on even if they wobble.
Every step tells them:
“You’re capable. I believe in you. I feel very happy when I see you showing independence.”
Final Thought: Independence Isn’t the End of Parenting, It’s Part of It
Gradual independence actually brings your child closer to you. It’s about walking beside them while they grow stronger legs. When we give children the space to try, we give them the chance to thrive, and they value the gradual freedom you give them.
So let go, just a little, and watch what they can do. See how creative and confident they become as they happily take charge of their own life.
How to Support Your Child’s Mental Health Through School Without Over Complicating It
Supporting your child’s well-being doesn’t have to mean long lectures or expensive therapies. Gail Smith shares simple yet effective ways that you can apply to make a real difference in supporting your child's mental health.
School is a huge part of your child’s life. It can be stressful. From friendship fallouts to academic pressure, it’s no wonder mental health is one of the top concerns for families today. But supporting your child’s well-being doesn’t have to mean long lectures or expensive therapies. Sometimes, it’s the simple, everyday things that make the biggest difference.
Consider:
Teach Them to Name Their Feelings and You Name Yours Too
Kids can't manage what they can't name.
Instead of just asking “How was school?”, try asking:
• “What was something that made you happy/sad/frustrated today?”
• “Was there a moment today you felt proud of yourself?”
Better yet, model it yourself: “I felt nervous today because of a big meeting, but I took some deep breaths and got through it.”
Why this works: Kids learn to recognize and handle emotions when they hear you doing it.
Make Space for ‘Down Time’ After School
Imagine finishing a long workday and going straight into more tasks — exhausting, right? Kids need that same recovery time.
Instead of asking them to immediately do homework or talk about the day, try:
• 20 minutes of quiet play
• A snack and a cuddle on the sofa
• Listening to music together
Why this works: It helps them regulate and reset, which makes later conversations or homework battles much easier. We all need space across the day.
Focus on Effort, Not Just Results
When your child shares a test score or project result, it’s tempting to focus on what they got. But instead, try praising the effort behind it:
• “I’m so proud of how hard you worked on that.”
• “I love how you kept going, even when it was tough.”
Why this works: Kids learn that trying is what counts, which builds resilience when things don’t go perfectly. It's OK to get some things wrong.
Keep an Eye on Friendships and Step In If Needed
Friendships are huge for kids' mental health.
Ask casually:
• “Who did you hang out with today?”
• “What was the best part of playtime?”
If you notice they’re upset about friends often, don’t dismiss it. Offer to role-play tricky situations or brainstorm what to say if things get tough. Remember you are not there to take over the problem.
Why this works: Feeling socially safe helps kids relax, focus, and enjoy school more.
Let Teachers Know if Something’s Up
If your child is struggling with sleep issues, anxiety, friendship worries, tell the teacher. You don’t need to give every detail, but a heads-up helps them watch out and support your child in small, thoughtful ways. They spend many hours with them in the best part of the day.
Example email you could send:
"Hi Miss Smith, just wanted to let you know that Jack has been feeling a bit anxious lately, especially in class. If you notice anything or have suggestions, we’d love to hear from you."
Why this works: Teachers can’t help with what they don’t know, and they want to help.
“Supporting your child’s mental health isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present”
Talk to your child regularly. It’s important for their mental health
Keep talking with your child. Show them that conversations help solve problems and make them feel better. In this blog, Gail Smith shares why regular conversations are so important for your child’s well-being.
Keep conversations going with your child even if you think they are not listening. Let them know that you are a listener and want everything to be out in the open and frequently discussed amongst you. Let them see that conversations are a great way of dealing with problems and that you feel better when matters are openly discussed.
Regular conversations with your child:
1. Builds Trust and Emotional Safety
When children feel heard, they trust that they can share their emotion without fear of judgement.
Example: A child struggling with bullying feels safe opening up to a parent who listens calmly, instead of dismissing their feelings.
2. Prevents Emotional Suppression
Open conversations help children process emotions instead of bottling them up, reducing the risk of anxiety and depression.
Example: Asking, "How was your day?" allows a child to express frustration over a ` grade rather than holding it in.
3. Develops Problem-Solving Skills
Talking through challenges teaches kids how to handle problems and make decisions.
Example: If a child is upset about a fight with a friend, discussing the issue helps them brainstorm ways to apologize or make amends.
4. Strengthens Parent-Child Connection
Frequent conversations create a strong bond, making children feel supported and valued.
Example: Regular chats during bedtime build a habit of sharing, even when they grow older and face bigger challenges.
5. Detects Early Signs of Mental Health Issues
Talking often allows parents to notice mood changes or troubling thoughts before they escalate.
Example: If a usually cheerful child starts avoiding conversations, this could signal stress or sadness, prompting early support.
“A child really feels supported when a parent uses open communication.”
Teach your child to set goals. It is a great life skill.
The more your child develops their independence by relying less on others and more on themselves, the more they become inclined to set their own personal goals with confidence and determination. In her insightful discussion, Gail Smith shares some practical and effective suggestions to help your child in this important area of growth and self-discovery.
Sometimes the thought of setting up goals can be daunting. If however, you teach your child to start small and build up slowly, their expectations will grow steadily and they will gradually see the fruits of their labour. Once feeling success from setting goals the interest grows in setting up more goals.
Here are some suggestions to help your child in this area. The examples are helpful to put goal setting in context.
Start Small
Encourage setting small, achievable goals to build confidence.
• Example: "This week, let's try to clean up your toys every day before dinner."
Lead by Example
Show them how you set and achieve your own goals.
• Example: "I want to read one book this month. What goal can you set for yourself?"
Break Big Goals into Steps
Teach them to divide larger goals into manageable tasks.
• Example: "You want to finish your school project. Let's start by gathering materials today."
Celebrate Progress
Recognize and reward efforts to keep motivation high.
• Example: "You practised piano for 10 minutes every day this week—let's celebrate with a special treat!"
Make Goals Fun
Turn goal-setting into a game or challenge.
• Example: "Let’s see if you can improve your running time by 10 seconds each week. We'll keep track together!"
Teach Reflection
Encourage them to think about what worked and what didn't after achieving (or not achieving) their goal.
• Example: "You finished your book! How did breaking it into chapters help you reach your goal?"
Encourage Long-term Goals
Help them think ahead and set goals that take longer to achieve.
• Example: "You want to learn to ride a bike without training wheels. Let’s practice for 15 minutes every day."
Provide Support and Guidance
Offer help without doing it for them, so they feel ownership of their goals.
• Example: "I'll help you study for your spelling test, but you can choose the words you need to practice."
In simple ways you can use goals setting as a way of life. The more your child grows independent of relying less on others and more on themselves, the more they are inclined to set their own goals with confidence.
“Be a goal setter in your own life and see how your child will easily adapt to such habits.”
What lifelong lessons do you want your child to adopt?
While we teach our children many valuable lessons throughout their formative years, some hold a special, lasting significance that will undoubtedly benefit them well into adulthood. Gail Smith wisely compiled a list of important beliefs and practical strategies on how to effectively impart them to your children.
There are many lessons we teach our children but there are some that will have a longer life and will be of much value if they adopt them when they are adults. For example, you may teach your child how to ride a bike but how does that compare to teaching them how to be a well-rounded person with strong values and a love for life.
Consider the following beliefs and maybe some may particularly resonate with you:
"You are loved unconditionally."
Lesson: No matter what happens, you are always loved and accepted for who you are.
How to teach: Show affection through words and actions daily. When they make mistakes, reassure them that mistakes don’t change your love for them. This creates emotional security.
"Your feelings are valid."
Lesson: It's okay to feel angry, sad, happy, or confused. All emotions are part of being human.
How to teach: Acknowledge and talk through their emotions without judgement. If they’re upset, say, "I see you're upset; it's okay to feel that way. Let's figure it out together."
"It's okay to fail; failure is how we learn."
Lesson: Failure is a natural part of life and leads to growth.
How to teach: Share your own failures and what you learned from them. Encourage them to try new things without fear of messing up. Praise their efforts, not just their success.
"Be kind to yourself and others."
Lesson: Self-compassion is just as important as being kind to others.
How to teach: Model self-kindness by speaking positively about yourself in front of them. Teach empathy by helping them understand how others feel and encouraging acts of kindness.
"You are enough just as you are."
Lesson: You don’t need to change to be worthy of love and respect.
How to teach: Regularly remind them of their worth. Say things like, "You are amazing just the way you are." Celebrate their unique traits and talents, reinforcing that they don't need to compare themselves to others.
"Challenges make you stronger."
Lesson: Difficulties and obstacles help you grow and build resilience.
How to teach: When they face a challenge, encourage them to keep going, reassuring them that struggles are part of life. Share examples of people who overcame adversity and how it shaped them.
"You always have choices."
Lesson: Even in tough situations, you have the power to choose how you respond.
How to teach: Give them choices from a young age, allowing them to make decisions and understand the consequences. Teach them that they can’t control everything, but they can control how they react.
"Take care of your mind and body."
Lesson: Your mental and physical well-being are interconnected, and both need care.
How to teach: Teach healthy habits like eating well, staying active, and practicing mindfulness. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and take breaks when overwhelmed.
"Be true to yourself."
Lesson: Follow your heart, and don’t live to please others.
How to teach: Encourage self-expression and support their interests, even if they are different from your own. Reinforce the idea that their happiness is not about pleasing others but about being authentic.
"Life is a journey, not a race."
Lesson: There’s no need to rush; it’s okay to move at your own pace.
How to teach: Avoid pressuring them to achieve milestones quickly. Help them appreciate the process of learning and growing instead of focusing solely on outcomes.
Simply use life experiences to teach the above lessons. There will be plenty of occasions along their journey to adulthood to test some of the beliefs above. Keep in mind that your example of how you live life will be an important guideline for your child especially if they see that you are happy in the choices you make.
“Every child deserves a champion- an adult who understands the power of connection and insists that they become the best that can possibly be.”
Helping your child navigate social challenges at school
Social challenges at school are a normal part of growing up. When your child navigates these situations well, they grow in both intellectual and social maturity. Encouraging your child to stay optimistic and believe in their ability to overcome social issues is crucial. Here are some tips to help them understand that there are many ways to work through social challenges.
There will always different forms of social challenges at school. There is no denying it and when your child navigates those occasions well, they grow both in intellectual and social maturity. Here are some ideas to support them:
Teach Effective Communication:
Role-play with your child to practice different communication scenarios, such as how to ask for help, express their feelings, or resolve conflicts with classmates. Teach them how to express an ‘I’ statement that clearly states their feelings. For example: “I am sad that… I am unhappy when you….”
Encourage Empathy and Kindness:
Discuss real-life situations with your child where empathy made a difference, like helping a friend who was feeling sad or being inclusive during group activities. Also your modelling in demonstrating empathy and kindness are so important.
Promote Social Skills Development:
Enrol your child in extracurricular activities like drama, art, or team sports to improve their social skills, teamwork, and cooperation. Regularly engagement in sports and other group activities also teaches self discipline, learning to accept disappointments etc.
Provide Problem-Solving Strategies:
Share the "STOP" strategy with your child (Stop, Think, Options, Pick one), which can help them make thoughtful choices when faced with social challenges. Also teach about negotiation and resolving conflicts where compromise and understanding are included.
Foster Resilience:
When your child encounters setbacks or rejection, discuss the importance of learning from failures and trying again, emphasising that challenges are opportunities for growth. Talk about famous people who have experienced failure in their efforts to be successful.
Open Lines of Communication:
Create a safe and non-judgmental environment at home for your child to share their experiences and concerns about school. Regularly ask open-ended questions like, "How was your day?" to encourage conversation. Remember that in being non-judgmental your child will feel safe in talking about matters that are on their mind.
Encourage your child to be an optimistic and to feel that they can overcome social issues that they `come across. Let them learn (from the above suggestions) that there are many ways and means to work through social challenges. Of course the more personally confident a child becomes the easier the process of working more confidently through social challenges.
‘Promise me you’ll always remember:
you’re braver than you believe,
and stronger than you see,
and smarter that you think.
- Christopher Robin
Listening to your child is important for many reasons
In today's digital age, social media often pulls children away from family connections. Being an effective listener can help bridge this gap. When parents truly listen, children feel valued and their self-worth grows. This creates a healthy pattern where children naturally turn to their parents when they need to talk. Discover strong reasons to stay well-tuned with your child.
We know that our children are so influenced by social media that draw them away from connecting to the family. It therefore makes sense to be an effective listener with your child as they will show more interest in being around you if you are prepared to listen. Here are some strong reasons to keep yourself well in tune with your child.
Listening shows you care, building trust and a strong bond with your child.
When you listen, kids open up more about their lives. They are really grateful that you listen.
Catch issues early by paying attention to what your child says. Give them time to do their talking.
Kids feel valued and confident when they know you’re listening. Therefore they are more inclined to keep up that habit as they grow older.
Listening helps kids understand and express their feelings better. This is great for nurturing good mental health.
Show them how to be good listeners and communicators by doing it yourself.
Listening helps kids feel supported, empowering them to solve problems. If they feel supported they will keep returning for a chat.
Kids learn better when they know their thoughts are heard and valued.
Quality listening time builds happy, memorable moments together. You discover a lot about your child through listening.
When a child grows up around parents that really take the time to listen to their child, they feel their views are valued and feelings of self worth grow. This will become a very healthy pattern for a child to go to their parents when they need to talk.
“The first duty of love is to listen.”
Supporting your child with homework and developing good study habits
Keep yourself optimistic when your child brings homework to complete. Discover with Gail Smith why supporting your children's efforts and valuing extended learning at home is crucial. Be a pillar of support for your child's educational journey!
Homework can be controversial in many teaching circles. However, if a child is given homework, it is important to support their efforts and let it be seen that extended learning from school is valued in your home and you will be a support.
Consider the following:
Set aside a designated time and space for homework each day to create a consistent routine. This helps children develop a sense of structure and responsibility. Find a comfortable space for your child in which to complete the homework.
Break down homework assignments into smaller, more manageable tasks. Encourage your child to focus on completing one task at a time. Sometimes they can be daunted by looking at the amount of work to do overnight or in a few days.
Do not labour over homework tasks that the child is finding too difficult. Stress that they can discuss it with the teacher on the next day. After all the teacher set the homework.
Create a quiet and organized study space free from distractions, such as television or electronic devices. Offer support and encouragement as needed, but encourage independence and problem-solving skills. Watch the time that the homework is completed. Doing homework when a child is tired or anxious
is doomed for failure.
Teach your child effective time management skills, such as prioritizing tasks, setting goals, and creating a homework schedule. Help them learn to plan their homework out well.
Encourage your child to take regular breaks during homework sessions to rest and recharge. Encourage physical activity, proper nutrition, and adequate sleep to support overall well-being. Create an enjoyable atmosphere around homework time.
Provide guidance and support when needed, but avoid completing assignments for your child. Encourage them to ask questions, seek clarification from teachers, and use available resources such as textbooks, websites, or tutoring services. Take care not to get in an argument about their completing homework when they are struggling with the activity. This is where you need teacher intervention.
Encourage a growth mindset by praising effort, persistence, and improvement rather than focusing solely on grades or outcomes. Let their homework time be a time for learning in an inquiring way but with no tension.
Celebrate your child's successes and achievements, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement helps build confidence and motivation to continue working hard.
Stay informed about your child's progress and any challenges they may be facing with homework. Communicate regularly with teachers to address concerns and seek additional support or resources if needed. Talk to their teacher about your child’s capacity to do the homework.
Model good study habits and a positive attitude toward learning in your own behaviour. Let your child see you reading, learning, and problem-solving in your daily life. Perhaps you could sometimes have a quite study time while they are doing their homework
There are various professional opinions about the value of homework. Keep yourself optimistic when your child brings home work to complete. Let them see that learning is ongoing and not just between the school hours.
“Teach your child that learning happens all the time. Homework is merely one component of a very big picture.”
Christmas Home Decorations - Rituals And Happy Memories
The home environment takes on a special magic for your child. Here are some thoughts about how your efforts in decorating for Christmas can have long-term value and memory-making moments for your children.
There is magic in Christmas for all children. Fantasy, dreams and excitement mount. The build up brings incredible joy and imaginations run rife. When the family decorates the tree and house in bright lights and colours, the home environment takes on a special magic for your child. Here are some thoughts about how your efforts in decorating for Christmas has so much long term value for your child.
Creativity and expression at Christmas time
Engaging in Christmas decorations encourages creativity and self-expression among children. They get to choose colours, designs, and arrangements, fostering their imaginative skills and allowing them to express themselves freely through decoration choices. This creative outlet can be a therapeutic way to channel emotions and thoughts positively. They will not forget the ritual of setting up the Christmas tree
Bonding and Togetherness
Decorating as a family cultivates a sense of togetherness and strengthens family bonds. Working together towards a shared goal, discussing decoration ideas, and collaborating on various aspects of decoration builds a sense of unity, fostering positive relationships. Memories are created from doing such fun family activities. The more involved they are the better.
Joy and Positive Emotions
The process of decorating for Christmas brings joy and excitement. The anticipation of the holiday season, the colourful lights, and cheerful decorations contribute to a positive atmosphere that can uplift spirits, reduce stress, and evoke feelings of happiness and contentment. It's all a positive time to feel good.
A Sense of Tradition and Belonging
Engaging in Christmas decorating traditions instils a sense of belonging and connection to something larger than oneself. Participating in these rituals and customs, passed down through generations, gives children a sense of identity, continuity, and stability, contributing to their emotional well-being. Never underestimate the importance of routine.
Mindfulness and appreciation
Decorating with the spirit of Christmas encourages mindfulness and appreciation for the present moment. Children learn to appreciate the beauty in small things, focusing on the joy of the activity and the happiness it brings rather than the material aspects.
Christmas can mean many things to different people. Above all it is about coming together and celebrating in some form. It is recognised as a reflective time for families and it can have an amazing calming and mentally stabilising effect for children. It is way of putting closure on the year and bringing together in a warm, comforting way all the feelings, emotions, experiences, joys and maybe sorrows that have been experienced and shared over the year.
Merry Christmas to all families in all shapes and forms.
What parents need to think about when our children go to school
This blog contains several important considerations that you should keep in mind to support your child's education and overall wellbeing.
As parents of children in school, there are several important concepts and considerations that you should always keep in mind to support your child's education and overall wellbeing. These concepts are all about good parenting skills that help you keep your eye on that all-important issue of education.
Communication: Maintain open and regular communication with your child's teachers and school staff. Effective communication is essential for ongoing connection between the school and teacher. If things were to change you would learn about them quickly.
Support and Encouragement: Encourage your child's curiosity and love for learning. Provide emotional support and praise for their efforts, achievements, and resilience in the face of challenges. Be a positive parent who encourages their efforts and celebrates achievements of all sorts.
Active Involvement: Be actively involved in your child's education by attending parent-teacher conferences, school events, and volunteering when possible. Your presence and engagement can have a positive impact. Such involvement will show your child how you value their education and love learning. Be a partner with the school.
Consistency: Establish consistent routines at home to support your child's learning. This includes setting regular study times, creating a conducive homework environment, and ensuring a balanced daily schedule. Encourage your child to be part of the weekly planning of the family routine.
Individualised Learning: Recognise that each child is unique with their own strengths, weaknesses, and learning styles. Support and advocate for individualised instruction when needed. Recognise your child in their own learning style and avoid labelling them.
Wellness and Health: Prioritise your child's physical and mental health. Ensure they get enough sleep, maintain a healthy diet, and engage in regular physical activity. Address any health or emotional concerns promptly. Talk openly about maintaining good health and encourage open conversation about what makes you feel well and happy.
Homework and Study Skills: Help your child develop effective study habits and time management skills. Encourage them to take responsibility for their homework and assignments. The more independent they are here, the more effective the homework will be.
Reading and Literacy: Foster a love of reading and literacy. Encourage reading both at school and at home, and provide access to a variety of age-appropriate books. Make your house a visual delight with books and magazines scattered throughout.
Technology and Media Literacy: Monitor your child's use of technology and media. Teach them responsible digital citizenship and ensure they have access to safe and educational online resources. Discuss electronic safety with the school as they have ways and resources to help parents cope at home.
Critical Thinking: Encourage critical thinking and problem-solving skills. Ask open-ended questions and engage in discussions that promote curiosity and independent thinking. Have plenty of games around the house and discuss news items that can lead to healthy debate.
Respect for Diversity: Promote an appreciation for diversity and being inclusive. Teach your child to respect others' backgrounds, cultures, and perspectives. Be open to invitations and show your child that exclusivity is a dangerous and narrow position to take.
Advocacy: Be an advocate for your child when necessary. If you have concerns about your child's education or wellbeing, communicate with the school and seek solutions together. Work cooperatively with the school and listen to what they have to tell you.
Lifelong Learning: Emphasise the importance of lifelong learning. Show your child that learning is a continuous and enriching journey that extends beyond the classroom. Talk about how you keep learning and what excites your imagination when discovering new facts.
Balanced Expectations: Set realistic expectations for your child's academic performance, recognising that success may vary from subject to subject and year to year. Also, focus on rewarding the efforts put into their work rather than the results.
Positive Role Model: Be a positive role model for your child by demonstrating a commitment to learning, resilience in the face of challenges, and a growth mindset. Discuss from time to time what makes you tick and find opportunities to show the way using common sense and emotional maturity
Self-Care: Remember to take care of yourself as a parent. Maintaining your own wellbeing and balance is essential for being able to support your child effectively. Also, your child needs to see that your self-care is essential for everyone’s wellbeing.
These ideas help you as a parent develop healthy and effective parenting skills to support their learning. The path is never even but keeping them on the right track steers them in the right direction.
‘There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one.’
Sue Atkins.
Children All Learn Differently: Embrace Their Unique Learning Journey
Here are some enjoyable and easy-to-implement ideas to support your child's individual learning journey.
As parents, we often want the best for our children, especially when it comes to their education. It's important to remember that each child learns differently and has their own unique style of learning. Our role as parents is to support and encourage them as they discover what works best for them.
Here are some enjoyable and easy-to-implement ideas to support your child's individual learning journey:
Encourage Their Individuality: Recognize that your child may have different learning preferences, such as being more visual, auditory, or tactile. Embrace their uniqueness and avoid being anxious if they seem to deviate from traditional learning patterns.
Embrace Experimentation: Allow your child to experiment with different learning ideas and methods. Trial and error is a natural part of the learning process and can lead to valuable discoveries.
Celebrate Breakthrough Moments: Sometimes, children may struggle to find their way, but suddenly, they might have a breakthrough. Trust in their independent journey and celebrate their moments of success.
Lead by Example: Share your own learning habits with your child. Talk about how you like to learn and the tools and resources that help you. Demonstrating that learning is a lifelong journey will inspire them.
Create a Supportive Learning Environment: Involve your child in setting up their learning space. Encourage their creative ideas and be open to changes in their study location. This discovery time can help them find their ideal learning environment.
Stimulate Curiosity: Encourage your child to actively engage with their environment. Let them be observant, listen to others, and watch for signs and symbols. This fosters a curious and inquiring mind.
Positive Reinforcement: Always celebrate your child's efforts and value their contributions. Make them feel appreciated and show genuine interest in their learning progress.
Take Short Breaks: Encourage frequent short breaks during study sessions. This practice will help them return to their desk refreshed and eager for more information.
Intrinsic Motivation: Nurture your child's self-determination by allowing them to pursue learning topics that interest them personally. When the learning is meaningful to them, they will be more motivated.
Respect Their Timing: Allow time for your child to develop their learning style and adapt to the school system. Be patient and supportive as they grow and evolve.
Remember the old saying, "Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime." As parents, our job is to empower our children with the skills and confidence to become independent learners who can thrive throughout their lives.
Enjoy the journey of discovering your child's unique style of learning, and celebrate the progress they make along the way!
Navigating the Emotional Roller coaster: Supporting Parents with Children at School
For some children, school can be challenging on many different levels. This blog aims to provide emotional support and practical strategies for parents to navigate the ups and downs of their children's school lives.
The journey of parenting can be a roller coaster of emotions, especially when it comes to supporting your children's experiences at school. As parents, we all want the best for our kids and wish to see them thrive in their academic and social lives. However, it is not uncommon to encounter various challenges that may leave us feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or even helpless.
This blog aims to provide emotional support and practical strategies for parents to navigate the ups and downs of their children's school lives. For some children and parents school can be a very challenging environment on many levels.
Understanding the Emotional Landscape of School Life:
Embrace the joy of seeing your child explore and learn new things at school, even though it may come with challenges like stress and anxiety.
Celebrate your child's bravery as they face peer pressure and academic demands, knowing that they will grow stronger through these experiences.
Remember, it's okay to feel a mix of emotions as a parent – from worry to pride – it shows how much you care about your child's well-being and success.
Effective Communication with Your Child:
Share laughter and light-hearted moments with your child when talking about their school life. A good sense of humour can bridge any communication gaps.
Rejoice in being a trusted confidante for your child, where they can freely share their frustrations and feelings about school.
Cherish those spontaneous moments when your child needs you, knowing that your attentive presence helps them navigate through their challenges.
Building Resilience in Your Child:
Celebrate your child's growth mindset and the positive attitude they develop towards learning and setbacks. Their resilience will lead them to greater achievements.
Embrace the joy of teaching your child coping skills like yoga, mindfulness, or deep breathing, knowing you're giving them valuable tools for life.
Witness the strength and resilience your child exhibits when facing stress and anxiety, and be proud of their ability to overcome obstacles.
Dealing with Academic Pressures:
Take pride in your child's efforts and progress, letting them know that their hard work is appreciated regardless of the outcome.
Find joy in striking a balance between supporting your child's academics and allowing them to grow independently, fostering their self-confidence.
Celebrate each step of improvement and acknowledge your child's accomplishments, boosting their self-esteem along the way.
Handling Social and Peer-Related Issues:
Find joy in being your child's pillar of support during friendship struggles, knowing you play a crucial role in their social development.
Celebrate the moments when your child shows empathy and inclusiveness, as they cultivate healthy social skills and create meaningful friendships.
Rejoice in the close connections you build with other parents and the valuable support network that helps normalize your concerns.
Coping with Transitions:
Treasure the joy of witnessing your child navigate significant transitions, like starting school or changing schools, and seeing them grow in adaptability.
Celebrate the milestones and graduations in your child's life, knowing that you've been there for them during every step of the journey.
Self-Care for Parents:
Embrace the joy of prioritising self-care, as it not only benefits you but also positively influences your child's emotional well-being.
Take pride in practicing self-care strategies that make you feel good and rejuvenated, allowing you to be the best version of yourself for your child.
Celebrate the moments when you find peace and balance in your life, it sets a positive example for your child's self-care habits.
Connecting with Other Parents and Support Networks:
Rejoice in the joy of finding a supportive network of fellow parents, where you can share experiences and find comfort in knowing you're not alone.
Celebrate the benefits of seeking professional support when needed, it shows your dedication to being the best parent you can be.
Parenting is a beautiful journey filled with ups and downs, and by embracing the joy of supporting your child emotionally through their school years, you create a nurturing environment for them to flourish and grow into confident, resilient individuals.
‘As your child grows and changes, you too grow and change as a parent. Embrace it.’
-Gail J Smith
Can we control everything?
This article discusses controlling a little less and supporting a little more of your child’s sense of personal freedom.
At this stage of the year, there are plans to be made and decisions settled on for the year, especially regarding school. The question I pose is, is it necessary to be in control of everything?
There is always a small control freak in all of us. If not fragrantly displayed, it’s hidden somewhere in the deep recesses of our mind which, on occasion, makes its appearance. The more we know and the more we control, the safer we often feel.
Your children are taking on a new leaf at school this year. They are going up a notch and teachers will expect them to take on more responsibility. Perhaps this is a time to let loose a little and not be so preoccupied with everything that happens around your child. They may start telling you a little less about their day. That’s OK!
Here are some sound reasons for controlling a little less and supporting a little more of your child’s sense of personal freedom:
You certainly control your opinions but not always the external events that happen around your child. They are independent of you.
Developing an honest understanding of what is really within our control makes for realistic thinking and reduces worry.
The challenges put ahead of your child at school are their challenges and should, to a large degree, be managed by them. Of course, when issues are out of control, parental support may be necessary.
The more we let them develop independent thought and self-manage their plans the more they slowly and steadily grow stronger. The cocoon is dying and the butterfly will arise with strength and beauty after its struggle to come through that dark cocoon.
The research is clear. If a child takes ownership of their own life, they learn faster and develop independent thinking earlier and display more creative thought. They become less vulnerable to risk, are more resilient and feel happier in themselves. This builds healthy mental habits.
If we take too much control, a child will no longer own the problem and pass it over to you. It becomes your problem. Time and time again I have seen this at school when a parent wants to solve their child’s problems.
When you listen to your child talking about an issue, listen with interest and sincerity, but first, see it as their problem where you have some clear expectation that they will try to solve it. ‘I am sad to hear that Mark was mean to you at school. I am wondering how you will deal with that?’
With each new year at school comes differing challenges. Reflect on how your child is choosing to manage them and quietly step back where possible.
Think about your role as a parent. Do you have all the answers to your child’s needs? It is another generation with shifting expectations. You are there to listen and support, perhaps consult, but it is their world to own. It is their world to solve. Slightly different in expectations from yours.
School holidays are over, but that does not mean that we take some of that relaxed summer feel into our new year plan. No need to suddenly over control or feel that without good management, everything will fall apart. The chaos theory is all about the fact that out of disorder comes order. So the challenge is to let loose a little more. Can the children pack their own lunches, be responsible for school notes etc? Try to find new areas in which it is all about your child taking a little more control over themselves.
From my observations at school, I always found that when parents reduced their worry and felt less accountable for their children, they relaxed and often enjoyed the experiences of their children more fully. They enjoyed the little things and would often find pleasure in just the ordinary experiences of the day. It was like a cloud was lifted. Let loose a little and see the joy in the simple day-to-day experiences with your child.
‘I learnt that when you try to control everything, you enjoy nothing.’
-QuotesGram
Poor behaviour can get you down - 9 ways to better manage
Here are nine tips to better respond when poor behaviour interferes with you and your child’s relationship.
From time to time, continued poor behaviour can be tiring and may cause a frustrated parent to overreact on the littlest of issues. It is always wise to remind yourself of one important fact, when taken seriously, it helps to ease the pressures when things just get too hard. Remember what you are seeing with your child is simply behaviour. It is acted out because of some reasons where satisfaction has not been gained. It is a call for help. It is not the nature of the child nor should you begin to feel guilty because you have feelings of not liking your child. What you do not like is the behaviour, which is temporary and is not the child.
Here are nine thoughts to help understand the best ways to respond when poor behaviour interferes with your relationship with your child:
Be a proactive parent. This is where you are actively engaged in their life and always on the lookout to be proactive. This means spending time with your child, talking to them, playing, reading together and encouraging independence. It is all about having an active presence in their life. You have more chance of being heard when disciplining and will be respected by your child when rules, routines and rituals are put in place to enrich the family.
Catch them when they are good and keep the affirmation at a high level. Be specific and let them know what you affirm them for rather than just general acknowledgement.‘Well done. You put the dishes away and now I can go to bed a little earlier.’
When problem behaviour occurs, try to think about what and why the behaviour has occurred. Finding the reason takes away the feelings of disappointment and reduces angry disappointed feelings. Listen to your child and hear what they have to say.
Prevention is better than cure. Here I suggest you make sure your child knows what is expected of them and this may mean demonstrating the expected behaviour to the child. Having regular routines is helpful in developing regular behaviour patterns. Younger children especially, may not know what is expected of them.
When disciplining, take care to criticise the behaviour of the child and not the child. Upset children can misinterpret very quickly that you dislike them. It is all about disliking the behaviour, not the child.
Learn to negotiate with your child and get them involved in talking about the consequences of their actions. Keep the punishment to only suit the crime and move on quickly. Never surprise your child with some new way of dealing with the problem. Keep consequences familiar and consistent. Check-in with them later to make sure you are back on track with your relationship.
Are there some situations that you can let go and decide that some things can just pass? It is OK to just forgive, forget and make a fresh start. This is important to be intuitive enough to know what is best left alone.
In solving problems, it is vital that it’s done with the child. Once the problem is established, look together at possible ways to deal with it. Together, choose a solution to trial. Try it and later evaluate if it worked. This is the best way to teach them how to solve problems.
Keep things as simple as possible. When a child is upset, their capacity to reason and be logical drops immensely. They need you to be clear about the concern and to direct them into managing the problem calmly and with a belief in solving the problem together.
Finally, when we think about supporting our children with behavioural issues and problems, keep in mind that children have rights. One is to be treated fairly and consistently. Parents have rights also. One is to decide what standards of behaviour are acceptable in their own home. The invitation is clear. Treat your child with dignity as you educate them into managing themselves in a loving, respectful family, where effective listening and appreciation of each others’ rights are paramount. This can start from a very early age.
‘Challenging behaviour occurs when the demands and expectations being placed upon a child outstrip the skills they have to respond.’
-Youth Dynamics
Asking for help and questioning is a good thing to do.
As an adult do you find it natural to ask for help? Do you find asking questions difficult?
Often, we excuse ourselves and treat it as a natural process to ask for help. We are not embarrassed or feel awkward. Of course, you can feel uncomfortable about asking for help. Generally as we get older we show more maturity about asking questions. It seems a normal response.
Children need to acquire the skill of asking for help and questioning. If they acquire this skill from an early age it becomes a natural way of operating and is understood to be the best and the most natural response when you don’t know the answer to any situation. I refer to its acquisition as a skill, so that we understand the very real value in simply asking questions and seeking help.
Some children, especially those that worry about making mistakes, can be reticent to ask for help. After all, does it suggest failure and a recognition to those around you that you do not know the answer?
What will people think of me?
Seeking help, asking questions should become a natural process of learning.
One of the most contemporary methods of teaching is the Inquiry Approach which is based totally around asking questions. In fact, the bigger the question, the better scope to learn. This tells us that asking questions is recognised as an important way of learning and living from day to day.
If you have a child reticent to ask questions and seeking help when needed, the following suggestions may help encourage them to see the value in questioning.
Talk to your child about how you like to ask questions to get more information. Highlight the time that seeking help solved your problem.
“Thank goodness I asked for directions on that trip. We would never have arrived on time without some assistance.”
“I asked your teacher how I could help you with homework and she gave me some excellent ideas. Without her help I would never know what to do.”
Talk about famous people who ask many questions to get their work complete. Scientists, doctors etc. are all professions that rely on gathering more information through questioning to help with their work.
When a child talks about a problem, list some questions that they could ask to get the problem solved.
“You seem unsure about that homework. Let’s think about some questions to get help from the teacher. For example:
1. When do you hand the homework to the teacher?
2. What part of the homework is the most difficult?
3. Is it better to spread the homework over several days?
4. Do you need more time to do this work?
5. Which part of the homework is the easiest?
Bringing questions into play is all about breaking down the anxiety about the problem. Ensuring that it is all manageable. Questioning and seeking help also is seen as a legitimate way of moving from not knowing to being informed.
When working with children who were reticent to ask questions or generally seek help in the classroom, we would turn it into a game. I would ask a question about a set problem and they would respond. Then it was their turn to ask a question about the problem. We would calculate who could ask the most questions about the problem we set down and who gained the most information.
Also affirming the child when they asked questions or seek help spontaneously is always a great tool used in the classroom. Try it at home.
“Well done, that question was a great one.”
“I am so glad you asked me to help you.”
“I like that question. It has got me thinking.”
Seeking help, asking questions should become a natural process of learning in which the child feels comfortable and invites others into their process of thinking. We feel less anxious and personally vulnerable when we seek help and question. Both a natural way of life.
“The art of proposing a question must be held of higher value than solving it.”
How to give children a way of understanding failure.
Growing up is such a learning curve on so many levels!
As an adult we understand through our developed emotional intelligence that failure happens to all of us. We also understand that sometimes it takes time and effort to turn failure into success.
We also learn that failure is another way of learning and growing stronger.
A child who has less experience and is not emotionally mature enough to understand failure can see it as quite a blocker to their learning. They can shut down quite easily, being more comfortable in not doing anything rather than “having a go”. The more frequently this happens, the longer it takes to change the patterns.
It is quite common to hear parents comment on how their child has stopped trying as they are scared of failure. After all, in their mind, the best defence is just not doing the work, if it gives you feelings of being unsuccessful. As a parent, this can be quite daunting, especially if you feel that you are always affirming them for their efforts.
I have seen this pattern in many children and no surprises, it is often the first child that struggles in this area. There is no simple answer, as it does require the child developing a set of skills to overcome this fear and this takes time and perseverance on the part of the supporting family. Below are some suggestions for supporting your child's developing emotional awareness.
With a child who is finding their work never adequate or good enough, affirm different aspects of their work not just offering an overall affirmation.
“I really like the way you drew the line on the page. It's very straight”
“I am so impressed that you started that sentence well.”
Here you are building positive comments in that are real and the child can see that it is genuine. But take care not to constantly affirm as the child disengages from excessive, general affirmation.
Talk openly about failures that you have had to deal with and discuss the ways you solved the problem or at least handled the situation. Here you are reinforcing the concept that failure is part of everyday life. This is effective coaching without forcing solutions on a child.
There are wonderful books on building self worth and coping with failure. Book stores that cover emotion and feelings are excellent for this purpose. As you read the stories of how failure was a process that a child had to work through, discuss similar times in your own life.
Keep a success journal. This means that every time your child has felt that they overcome a feeling of failure, write about it as a family. Remember, we are affirming the efforts or tools that the child used to overcome the fear.
Also a success jar is fun where you add a marble every time a child works through a fear of failure.
Talk to your child's teacher about the areas that they notice cause anxiety in your child. This gives you some ideas on what areas to affirm at home. Remember to be specific when affirming.
Use the scale approach.
“You are anxious about that test? On a scale of one to ten how do you feel? Now what can we do to drop that number and slow the anxiety down?”
Here you acknowledge that sometimes you will still have anxiety about the problem but by finding ways to lower the fear, you can cope so much better.
Keep in mind that it is important to recognise their fears and not downplay their importance. This way they know you are really listening to them.
“It sounds to me like you are really worried about talking in front of the class. Tell me more about that feeling.” By listening honestly, the child will be comfortable in talking about their fears.
Discuss with the whole family how important it is to acknowledge the child's fear and encourage other less stressed siblings to not underplay their fear.
Learning to cope with fear is a gradual process and once a child develops some tools to cope better and feels success from this, they begin to strengthen their emotional maturity and identify in themselves the cues that lead to fear of failure.
Affirmation for your child's good work and success is important. How much is too much and when is it needed?