Letting Go a Little: Why Gradual Independence Matters for Your Child’s Growth

One of the hardest parts of parenting is knowing when to step back. We want to keep our children safe, happy, and successful, and sometimes that means we hold on too tightly and are frightened of them making mistakes. We need to start giving them gradual independence, little by little, day by day, even though some of this independence will mean making mistakes which can be upsetting.

We are not leaving them to figure things out alone. It means letting them try, stumble, learn, and succeed with our support, not our control. They learn to know we are there when really needed. If they think we are about control, they will step back and lose interest.

Why Does Gradual Independence Matter?

In today’s world, it can feel risky to let children do things on their own. However it is more risky not to enable your child to cope with the real world and to rely on others to solve problems. There’s pressure to protect them from failure, frustration, and even boredom. But the truth is:

✅ Children learn by doing, not by watching.

✅ Confidence comes from experience, not praise alone.

✅ Resilience is built through overcoming small challenges.

Gradually gaining independence awakens in the child a wonderful sense of personal satisfaction and confidence. It is quite liberating!

Real-Life Examples of Where It Matters

1. Getting Ready for School

It might be quicker (and tidier!) to pack their bag, zip their coat, and butter their toast. But every time we take over, we take away a learning opportunity.

💡 Instead:

Teach them how to check a simple morning list: bag packed, lunchbox in, coat on, shoes by the door. It’ll take patience at first, but it pays off fast, and they’ll feel proud doing it themselves.

2. Friendships and Play

If your child says, “He won’t play with me,” it’s tempting to jump in and fix it. But these small moments are chances to learn negotiation, sharing, and handling disappointment.

💡 Instead:

Ask questions like: “What could you try next time?” or “How do you think he felt?” Help them think through solutions but let them do the talking.

3. Homework and Learning

You want your child to succeed, so it’s natural to sit beside them and guide every step. But they need to learn how to think, not just how to get the answer. This may involve learning from mistakes.

💡 Instead:

Support them to plan their time, set up a quiet space, and check their own work. You’re building independence and responsibility. Homework is also the responsibility of the school and child, not the parent.

4. Problem Solving

From a forgotten jumper to a missed club, let children experience small consequences safely.

💡 Instead:

If they forget something, avoid racing to school with it. Next time, they’ll remember. These low stakes “failures” teach responsibility better than lectures ever could.

What Gets in the Way?

• Fear of failure: We worry a mistake will hurt their confidence, but small stumbles teach big lessons.

• Time pressure: Life is busy, and doing it ourselves is faster, but it delays learning.

• Wanting to protect: We want to shield them from discomfort, but facing challenges with our support grows courage. Children want to feel in control.

How to Start Giving Gradual Independence

Think of it like riding a bike:

1. You hold the saddle.

2. You run beside them.

3. You let go... but stay nearby.

4. You cheer them on even if they wobble.

Every step tells them:

“You’re capable. I believe in you. I feel very happy when I see you showing independence.”

Final Thought: Independence Isn’t the End of Parenting, It’s Part of It

Gradual independence actually brings your child closer to you. It’s about walking beside them while they grow stronger legs. When we give children the space to try, we give them the chance to thrive, and they value the gradual freedom you give them.

So let go, just a little, and watch what they can do. See how creative and confident they become as they happily take charge of their own life.

Simple ways to help your child with their anxiety issues

If you’ve ever felt like your child worries more than they should, or gets overwhelmed by small setbacks, you’re not alone. Today’s children are growing up in a world full of pressure: school demands, social media, the news, even our own stress. It's no wonder anxiety is showing up more in younger children.

However we can teach them how to be resilient,

What Does Anxiety Look Like in Young Children?

Children often don’t say “I’m anxious”, instead, it shows up in their behaviour:

• They might refuse to go to school.

• They complain of tummy aches with no medical cause.

• They get tearful or angry when a routine changes.

• They say things like, “I can’t do it” or “Everyone’s better than me.”

• They become silent

Sound familiar? These are all ways that anxiety can appear in children, especially in the early years and primary school.

So, What Can Parents Do Right Now?

1. Name the Feeling

Young children often feel better just from knowing what they’re feeling has a name.

Instead of saying: “Don’t worry — it’s nothing.”

Try: “It sounds like you’re feeling a bit nervous. That’s okay — we all feel like that sometimes.”

This helps them recognize and label emotions, which is the first step in managing them.

2. Model 'Brave Behaviour'

Children learn most from what they see. If they watch you facing challenges (even small ones) with a steady attitude, they start to believe they can do the same.

For example:

“I’ve got a big presentation at work today and I feel nervous, but I’ve prepared, and I’m going to try my best.”

This shows that being nervous is normal, and that bravery means doing things even when we feel a bit scared. Show them it’s all about taking control of those nervous feelings.

3. Praise the Process, Not Just the Outcome

Instead of focusing on whether something was done perfectly, celebrate the effort.

For example:

“I saw you kept trying with that tricky puzzle. That was brilliant persistence!”

This builds a growth mindset, helping children see setbacks as part of learning, not signs of failure.

4. Small actions count

Encourage small acts of courage every day. Start with achievable steps, like putting their hand up in class, or trying a new food and celebrate them. Multiple small achievements that are praised make a big difference!

Make a “Brave Jar” at home: every time your child does something that feels brave, they get to put a marble or token in the jar. Watch it grow!

5. Create Calm Routines

Predictable routines help anxious children feel safe. Try keeping mornings calm and consistent, breakfast, brushing teeth, packing bags in the same order. Same organized routine for nigh time.

6. Watch Your Own Anxiety

Children are emotional sponges. If you’re often saying, “I’m so stressed,” or showing panic in tough situations, they will absorb that.

Take moments to breathe, pause, and model calm responses even when you’re faking it a bit. You’re teaching emotional regulation without saying a word. Try to avoid words about yourself like stress, anxious, frightened ,weak, vulnerable.

When Should You Seek Help?

If your child’s anxiety is stopping them from taking part in everyday life, refusing school regularly, withdrawing from friends, or having frequent meltdowns, it might be time to talk to the teacher, your GP, school councillor or a child therapist.

Final Thought: Bravery Grows Slowly — But It Grows

Raising a resilient child doesn’t mean they’ll never struggle. It means they’ll know how to bounce back, try again, and keep going. That’s the greatest gift we can give them. It’s called resilience.

You don’t need to have all the answers. Let them see that we are not all perfect. Just walk alongside them, name the feelings, and keep reminding them: “You’ve got this, and I’ve got you.”

“It’s not whether you get knocked down. It’s whether you get up.”

— Vince Lombardi

Encourage a Wide Net of Friends: Why It Matters.

Friendships are essential for a child’s happiness, but relying on just one best friend can lead to heartbreak. Encouraging a variety of friendships helps children grow socially and emotionally. They are also more receptive to accepting difference.

Less Heartbreak, More Support – If one friend is absent or drifts away, your child won’t feel alone.

Stronger Social Skills – Different friends mean learning to communicate and connect in new ways.

Confidence Booster – A mix of friendships builds self-esteem and reduces social anxiety.

More Fun, Less Drama – Group play means fewer fallouts and more opportunities for joy.

Life-Long Resilience – Adapting to different personalities prepares children for real-world relationships.

Encourage your child to be open to new friendships—it builds a stronger, happier, and more adaptable future! Avoid being judgmental or critical of friends they choose. In time they will work through who are truly friends.

“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.”

— Jim Morrison

Encourage your child to be different

Let your child be themselves as much as possible. We know that people who make a big difference in the world have their own unique ideas and do things their way.

Encourage your child to see that all their ideas are important and should be respected. Some may come to fruition over time.

Here are some sound reasons why encouraging your child to be different will benefit them in many ways and will invite them to not always accept things as they are. This invites healthy questioning of the world.

Fosters Authenticity and Self-Expression

• Encouraging children to be different helps them stay true to who they are, without feeling pressured to fit in. This builds their confidence in expressing their thoughts, feelings, and ideas without fear of judgement.

• Benefit: When children feel free to be themselves, they develop a strong sense of identity and self-worth.

Builds Resilience Against Peer Pressure

• Children who are comfortable being different are less likely to succumb to peer pressure. They develop the courage to stand up for their values and make decisions based on their own beliefs rather than following the crowd.

• Benefit: This resilience fosters independent thinking and reduces the likelihood of engaging in harmful behaviours.

Encourages Creativity and Innovation

• Being different often means thinking outside the box and approaching problems in unique ways. Encouraging this mindset promotes creativity and innovation, which can be valuable skills throughout life.

• Benefit: Children learn to embrace their originality, which can lead to greater success in problem-solving and creative pursuits.

Strengthens Confidence and Self-Esteem

• When children are encouraged to be different, they gain confidence in their individuality. They learn that they don’t need to conform to others' expectations to be valued, which bolsters their self-esteem.

• Benefit: High self-esteem helps children take risks, pursue passions, and feel secure in their own skin.

Teaches Acceptance of Others

• By embracing their own differences, children also learn to accept and appreciate the uniqueness of others. This cultivates empathy and understanding, reducing prejudice and promoting positive social interactions.

• Benefit: Children who value diversity are more open-minded and compassionate, making them better friends and more inclusive members of society.

Encouraging a child to be different nurtures their individuality and helps them navigate the world with confidence, creativity, and kindness.

You can help by being open to their ideas and affirming their thinking when they are on a creative bend.

Your example of being a parent who values difference in your own life will have an amazing impact on how they see themselves and the world.

“Decide to be whatever you decide to be and celebrate your difference.”

— Gail J Smith

Six reasons why giving your child quality time works

The time you give to your child is valuable and has a lasting effect on their feelings of being loved and feeling secure.

Here are six surprising outcomes when you give of your time to your child:

Your effort:

Promotes Creativity: Engaging in imaginative play with parents stimulates children's creative thinking and problem-solving skills.

Reduces Stress: Shared activities and positive interactions can lower stress levels in children, leading to better overall mental health.

Teaches Conflict Resolution: Quality time allows parents to model healthy ways to handle

disagreements, helping children develop strong conflict resolution skills.

Enhances Cultural Awareness: Parents can introduce children to diverse cultures and traditions, broadening their understanding of the world.

Improves Physical Health: Active play and shared physical activities encourage healthy habits and improve physical fitness.

Fosters Independence: By spending time together, parents can teach essential life skills, empowering children to become more self-reliant and confident in their abilities.

Giving quality time to your child is all about sharing more of your life with them. There will come a time when they disappear out of sight and we struggle to bring them into our presence. This is of course the teenage years. Therefore value those moments you share together. It is rewarded a hundred fold.

“Shared time with your child builds strong mental health in all the family”

— Gail J Smith.

The best way to influence your child is through modelling

When you build a strong relationship with your child you have a greater capacity to influence them in a healthy way. This is such a positive way of effectively passing on your values and beliefs in a safe and reliable way. Children particularly model after admired adults. Think about your childhood. Were you strongly influenced by adults that you admired and respected?

Let’s consider why modelling is such an effective way of influencing our children without using power or other means that certainly don't have a long life.

• There are few risks in damaging your relationship with your child. By modelling what you believe in you are not directly or adversely attempting to change the child. You are just being yourself.

• Your modelling is how you live and what you value. The child can see how happy it makes you and how you enjoy living by your standards.

• When you model some behaviour that puts you in a certain direction it demonstrates your convictions. For example, if you believe in a clean house, a clear message is being sent to your child that cleanliness is important in your life.

• Being credible is important. Sticking by your convictions sends a very clear message to your child that being rock solid in beliefs is important.

• The effects of modelling may take years. Be patient with your child, who will want to experiment with change along the way.

• The advantage of modelling is that you are not using power to influence your child. You are just demonstrating that how you live is an acceptable way to operate. In this way your relationship continues to grow. The use of power can result in the rejection of you as a model.

• Modelling is all about the longer-term effect for the child. You want them to reflect positively on your model when they are adults making their own decisions. Of course, being another generation there may be a few twists and turns to your influences but none the less they will be useful if valued.

• Modelling well is not about being perfect. Just be authentic around your child. They know our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. What they observe is how we handle them.

Finally, never underestimate your capacity to influence your child in the longer term. However, once we use power to exercise and influence, we can damage our relationship and cloud our ability to be of value to your child.

“Be yourself, true and honest to your child. That makes them feel safe and happy.”

— Gail J Smith

Nurturing a Growth Mindset in Your Child

In simple terms this is all about encouraging positivity and a belief in your child’s ability to be an achiever.

Consider the following:

• Explain to your child the concept of a growth mindset versing a fixed mindset, highlighting the importance of believing in one's ability to improve through effort and practice.

• As a parent celebrate when your child tackles a difficult task or shows resilience in the face of challenges. Let them see that effort is rewarding.

• As the parent, help your child re frame statements like "I can't do this" to "I can't do this yet," emphasizing the idea of growth and progress over time. It’s about never say never.

• As the parent model a growth mindset in your own life. Share stories of your own challenges and successes, demonstrating perseverance and a positive attitude towards learning.

• Parents can provide constructive feedback to their child that focuses on effort, progress, and specific actions rather than fixed traits or abilities. Use phrases like, "I noticed you worked really hard on that" or "What strategies did you try?"

• Set realistic, achievable goals that align with your child’s interests and abilities. Involve your child in the goal-setting process and celebrate milestones along the way. All goals should be reasonable.

• Provide a supportive home environment that encourages exploration, curiosity, and a love for learning. This could include having a designated study space, providing access to educational resources, and engaging in activities that foster creativity and critical thinking.

• Re frame mistakes as valuable learning opportunities rather than failures. Discuss strategies for helping your child learn from their mistakes, such as problem-solving, reflection, and seeking help when needed. Making mistakes is a human process.

• Celebrate your child's growth and progress, no matter how small. This could involve creating a growth mindset journal where children document their achievements and areas of improvement or holding a "growth mindset celebration" to recognize efforts.

• Offer consistent support, encouragement, and reassurance to your child as they navigate challenges and strive for growth. Not everything will be perfect but their efforts are given much encouragement.

As your child grows they need to grow with a positive mindset where there is much personal belief and a sense that all is possible.

“Courage to continue matters more than success or failure”

— Winston Churchill

Build self confidence in your child. You can make a big difference.

Never underestimate the difference you can make for your child’s self confidence. Your child trusts your judgement and above all believes in you as their mentor and life support. They take what you say very seriously and need your reassurance. Here are some examples of how to keep up the important role of boosting their self confidence.

• Encourage your child to celebrate their achievements, no matter how small. Whether it's mastering a new skill, completing a task independently, or showing kindness to others, take the time to celebrate their successes.

• Provide specific and genuine praise for your child's efforts and accomplishments. Instead of just saying "good job," highlight what they did well and why it matters. They need to understand why they are receiving the praise, so label it.

• Teach your child to use positive self-talk by affirming their strengths and abilities. Tell them how you like to hear them talk about their achievements out loud.

• Help your child set realistic goals that they can work towards. Break larger goals into smaller steps and celebrate each milestone. This helps build a sense of accomplishment and confidence. Also they need to receive regular reassurance especially younger children.

• Encourage your child to take healthy risks and step out of their comfort zone. Whether it's trying a new activity, speaking up in class, or making new friends. Teach them that making mistakes is part of life.

• Give your child opportunities to make decisions and choices independently. Whether it's choosing what to wear, what to eat for snack, or what game to play, they will be more personally satisfied and more engaged in activities etc. if they take responsibility.

• Teach your child resilience by helping them bounce back from setbacks and failures. Encourage them to learn from mistakes, problem-solve, and persevere in the face of challenges. Talk about how you do this in your life.

• Be a positive role model for self-confidence by demonstrating confidence in yourself. Show your child how to handle challenges and how to embrace your strengths and weaknesses. Be authentic when you talk about yourself and all your foibles.

• Above all, provide your child with unconditional love, acceptance, and support. Let them know that you believe in them, no matter what, and that you are always there to help them succeed.

• You love them for who they are and in all circumstances.

Building self confidence in your child is all about teaching them that they can confidently be in charge of their own lives as time progresses. Here we are building emotional intelligence.

“Confident, happy children feel good about themselves and achieve well. It’s natural.”

— Gail J Smith

Building confidence in your child

From the moment a child is born there will be small signs of seeking independence. Perhaps ever so subtle but none the less there is a definite presence of wanting to be independent. As parents our role is to be the nurturer and provide safety and security for our child. For a parent, letting go of your responsibility can be difficult. Research tells us, that as a child reaches out for more independence, we demonstrate better parenting, if we gently walk with them as they take steps to strengthen their personal growth. There are many reasons why being alongside your child as they take independent steps is a mature way of parenting. Consider:

• Developing independence empowers children to believe in themselves and their abilities. As they accomplish tasks on their own, they gain confidence in their skills and decision-making capabilities. There is nothing like feeling successful when taking a new independent step.

• Independence fosters problem-solving skills. When children face challenges independently, they learn to think critically, adapt to new situations, and find creative solutions. They understand that they must rely on themselves and this does not frighten them.

• Learning to be independent instils a sense of responsibility in children. They understand the consequences of their actions and take ownership of tasks, fostering accountability and self-reliance. They will try different solutions to problems and not be intimidated by an occasional failure.

• Independence allows children to make decisions and choices on their own. Through these experiences, they learn to weigh options, consider consequences, and develop sound decision-making abilities. There is nothing more liberating than making your own decisions.

• Independence encourages self-reliance. Children become more resourceful and resilient as they learn to depend on themselves to accomplish tasks and overcome obstacles. They will ask questions but not expect to be given the answer.

• Developing independence prepares children for adulthood. By learning essential life skills and becoming self-sufficient, they gain the confidence and competence to thrive in the responsibilities of adulthood. Little by little they step into an adult world, well prepared with less surprises.

• Independence contributes to building healthy relationships. Children who are independent are better able to communicate their needs, assert boundaries, and engage in mutually respectful interactions with others. This is all about developing emotional maturity.

• Independence fosters a spirit of exploration and creativity. When children have the freedom to pursue their interests and ideas independently, they are more likely to discover new passions and talents. They become better risk takers and enjoy the challenge.

• Developing independence helps children form their own identity. As they make choices and pursue interests that align with their values and preferences, they gain a clearer sense of who they are and what they stand for. A child with such confidence will attract like minded children. This makes for forming healthy relationships.

In my experience as school principal, it was always the case that children who were given opportunities to demonstrate independence appeared happy and self assured. They engaged with all sorts of peers and were comfortable in many settings.

“Building independence in your child is all about sound parenting.”

— Gail J Smith

Learning to be tolerant around your child

In busy households with so much happening it is easy to lose your patience with your child. After all we are human and there are certain things that push our buttons. If we learn to be more tolerant around our child such modelling will reflect in the way our children treat us and others. There is much to be said about showing tolerance to our child.

• We live in a global world. Practizing tolerance helps children appreciate and embrace diversity. It fosters an understanding that people come from different backgrounds, cultures, and perspectives, enriching their worldview.

• Tolerance teaches children compassion and empathy. When they learn to accept and respect others, they are more likely to show kindness and understanding in their interactions. So your modelling of tolerance will mean that you demonstrate compassion and empathy.

• Tolerant individuals tend to have stronger social skills. Teaching children tolerance helps them navigate diverse social environments, communicate effectively, and build positive relationships.

• Tolerance challenges and reduces prejudiced attitudes and stereotypes. It encourages children to see individuals for who they are rather than making assumptions based on superficial characteristics. Your example of treating everyone well will make a difference to your child’s perception of how to operate around different people

• Tolerance contributes to the creation of inclusive communities. When children learn to appreciate differences, they actively contribute to fostering an environment where everyone feels welcome and valued.

• In a tolerant learning environment, children feel more comfortable expressing themselves and sharing their ideas. This openness enhances the overall educational experience and encourages creativity. Your home should embrace tolerance which makes for a safe environment.

• Tolerance is a key factor in preventing bullying and conflict. When children understand and accept each other's differences, there is less room for negative behaviours based on prejudice or discrimination. Children don't go looking for differences when they are open to accepting others.

• In an increasingly globalized world, tolerance is a crucial skill. Children who learn to appreciate and respect diversity are better prepared to navigate an interconnected and multicultural society. Our children need to understand the bigger world

• Tolerance contributes to the development of emotional intelligence. Children learn to manage their emotions in response to diverse situations, fostering resilience and adaptability. They see the world from a more mature perspective.

A home where there is tolerance is a safe haven for a child. If a child feels that they will be given space to talk about their concerns they are more likely to talk more openly and comfortably about what is on their mind.

“To build tolerance, practise breathing slowly before dealing with confronting issues. Space makes all the difference.”

— Gail J Smith

Building stronger relationships with your child

There is no right way to build stronger relationships with your child. There are many ideas and suggestions. Here are a few suggestions that may help.

Quality Time Tokens: Create "Quality Time Tokens" – special cards or tokens that kids can use to request dedicated one-on-one time with a parent for activities they enjoy. This can be fun in the making.

Story Sharing Sessions: Initiate regular "Story Sharing Sessions" where both parent and child take turns sharing anecdotes, dreams, or stories from their day. It promotes communication and strengthens bonds. Great to do this at dinner time or bedtime

Involvement in Their World: Engage in "Their World" by showing interest in their hobbies, favourite shows, or games. It demonstrates care and understanding of their interests. Accept all their ideas and take care not to place judgements on their suggestions.

Gratitude Jar Ritual: Start a "Gratitude Jar Ritual" by jotting down things you're grateful for about each other. Read these notes together periodically to foster appreciation and connection.

Decision-Making Together: Involve children in "Family Decision-Making" by allowing them to contribute ideas or have a say in certain family choices. It promotes a sense of responsibility and value in their opinions.

The above thoughts are simple suggestions to keep up the task of building better relationships with your child. Every family is different. You may already have some fun and endearing ways of building a unique relationship with your child.

‘Your kids watch you for a living. It’s their job: It’s what they do. That’s why it’s so important to try your best to be a good role model.’

James Lehman

Managing children’s behaviour

Behaviour of children varies from time to time. Often the reasons for the behaviour are hard to work out and need time and patience spent with the child. Other times it can be simple to resolve and as the parent you move on quickly.

Here are some positive cues to help set the scene enabling your child to cope better when behaviour is poor. It also gives you a greater capacity to manage the situation and reduce the impact on parent and child.

1. A positive happy home environment

   A positive happy home environment where the child feels safe and secure is an excellent setting for a child to feel that problems are solvable. Lots of smiles, laughter and  attention will make a difference. Keep the home environment warm and welcoming.

2.  Positive Reinforcement and Encouragement

   Focus on Positive Behaviour: Acknowledge and praise good behaviour to reinforce it. Encouragement helps children understand what is expected and reinforces their positive actions. Positive behaviour is the key to teaching your child how to deal with matters.

3.  Consistent Rules and Expectations

   Set Clear and Consistent Boundaries: Establish clear rules and expectations. Consistency is key—when children know what is expected, it helps them understand limits and fosters a sense of security. Teach behaviours that you want to be  present. Demonstrate and reward your child when you see good behaviour. Provide a good example for the child to copy.

4.  Effective Communication and Active Listening

   Listen and Communicate: Encourage open communication. Listen actively to understand their perspective and feelings. Communicate calmly and explain reasons behind rules or consequences. Remain calm and consistent in the way you engage with your child.

5.  Use of Logical Consequences

   Apply Logical and Proportionate Consequences: Consequences should be related to the behaviour and age-appropriate. Logical consequences help children understand the impact of their actions without being punitive. Be clear in how you talk about these consequences. Model Behaviour and Teach Problem-Solving

   Leading by Example: Children often emulate the behaviour they observe. Model the behaviour you wish to see in them, including problem-solving skills and managing emotions effectively.

If you adopt the belief that children’s behaviour is exactly that...child-like, you will begin to put things into perspective. They will, from time to time, challenge your authority and demand their needs be met. By being consistent and caring in the way you deal with such matters, you will make all the difference to their emotional growth.

‘A parent who has a positive outlook on life passes on a happy message to their child.’

-Gail J Smith

Christmas Home Decorations - Rituals And Happy Memories

There is magic in Christmas for all children. Fantasy, dreams and excitement mount. The build up brings incredible joy and imaginations run rife. When the family decorates the tree and house in bright lights and colours, the home environment takes on a special magic for your child. Here are some thoughts about how your efforts in decorating for Christmas has so much long term value for your child.

Creativity and expression at Christmas time
Engaging in Christmas decorations encourages creativity and self-expression among children. They get to choose colours, designs, and arrangements, fostering their imaginative skills and allowing them to express themselves freely through decoration choices. This creative outlet can be a therapeutic way to channel emotions and thoughts positively. They will not forget the ritual of setting up the Christmas tree

Bonding and Togetherness
Decorating as a family cultivates a sense of togetherness and strengthens family bonds. Working together towards a shared goal, discussing decoration ideas, and collaborating on various aspects of decoration builds a sense of unity, fostering positive relationships. Memories are created from doing such fun family activities. The more involved they are the better.

Joy and Positive Emotions
The process of decorating for Christmas brings joy and excitement. The anticipation of the holiday season, the colourful lights, and cheerful decorations contribute to a positive atmosphere that can uplift spirits, reduce stress, and evoke feelings of happiness and contentment. It's all a positive time to feel good.

A Sense of Tradition and Belonging
Engaging in Christmas decorating traditions instils a sense of belonging and connection to something larger than oneself. Participating in these rituals and customs, passed down through generations, gives children a sense of identity, continuity, and stability, contributing to their emotional well-being. Never underestimate the importance of routine.

Mindfulness and appreciation
Decorating with the spirit of Christmas encourages mindfulness and appreciation for the present moment. Children learn to appreciate the beauty in small things, focusing on the joy of the activity and the happiness it brings rather than the material aspects.

Christmas can mean many things to different people. Above all it is about coming together and celebrating in some form. It is recognised as a reflective time for families and it can have an amazing calming and mentally stabilising effect for children. It is way of putting closure on the year and bringing together in a warm, comforting way all the feelings, emotions, experiences, joys and maybe sorrows that have been experienced and shared over the year.

Merry Christmas to all families in all shapes and forms.

Why formal education is so important

From time to time people come up with the argument that formal school does not have value and that education at home could be adequate. It is also true to say that some people do not have fond memories of school and sadly there are sound reasons why that was the case. However, I am very much all for the advantages of formal learning sitting of course alongside the journey of learning that you the parents provide. When we have our doubts about formal school think about the following thoughts that remind us of what can be gained through formal schooling..

1. Foundation of Knowledge:

   School provides the basic knowledge and skills needed to understand the world, like reading, writing, and basic maths. The formality of the classes comes with teacher’s training in techniques of teaching literacy. Parents work closely in conjunction with the school and enjoy those early years of their child opening their minds to reading.

2. Social Skills and Relationships:

   It's where children learn to interact with others, make friends, and build essential social skills. The school yard is a miniature society where life happens and social engagements occurs.

3. Opportunities for Future Careers:

   Education at school opens doors for various jobs and careers by providing a foundation of knowledge and qualifications. School provides networks where  a student can access so much knowledge of what happens beyond school.

4. Critical Thinking and Problem-Solving:

   School teaches how to think critically, solve problems, and make decisions, skills needed in everyday life. Teachers are well resourced to provide the best environment for this critical aspect of  learning.

5. Personal Development:

   It helps in developing discipline, time management, and responsibility, preparing kids for life as adults. The culture of the classroom and the social interpersonal experiences that happen each day are constantly feeding the maturation of personal development.

6. Understanding the World:

   School exposes students to various subjects, cultures, and ideas, broadening their understanding of the world. There are many constant discussion etc on what the world is about through a school environment.

7. Health and Well-being:

   It often includes education about health, nutrition, and exercise, promoting a healthier lifestyle. Also school offers children the opportunity to join teams etc.

8. Lifelong Learning:

   It instils the value of continuous learning, encouraging a habit of learning throughout life. A classroom is a powerhouse of learning. Teachers use their talents to teach children all sorts of things and especially engage them in being independent learners.

‘Education is the passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today.’

Malcolm X

Managing anger in children

There are many ways we can respond to anger. Consider the following ideas to help with managing anger.

Teach Your Child Acceptable Responses to Anger

• They can simply walk away from the person making them angry.

• Find a spot to cool off.

• Think about positive thoughts that take you away form the anger

• Tell yourself to keep calm.

Teaching How to Handle Big Feelings

• Kids need to learn how to handle their big feelings like anger. It helps them deal with tough situations better. Talk about what is a big feeling.

• Teach simple breathing exercises or offer a cosy spot when they're upset. Show them it's okay to talk about feelings and find ways to let out anger without hurting anyone, like drawing or going for a run.

• Solving problems and talking nicely

• Learning to manage anger teaches children how to fix problems without fighting and how to talk nicely.

• Practise talking about what's bothering them without yelling. Show how to listen when someone else is upset and find ways to fix things together. Always create  a calm, warm atmosphere when talking about anxious matters.

Making Friends and Being Happy

•  Handling anger nicely helps kids make good friends and be happy in school and at home.

•  Role-play situations where they can practise talking without getting mad. Encourage being kind and understanding to others to build strong friendships.

 Feeling Calm and Relaxed

•  Managing anger helps kids feel calm and relaxed instead of stressed or upset all the time.

•  Try relaxation activities like deep breaths or listening to calming music. Doing fun activities or games that they enjoy also helps release stress. A basketball ring outside in the yard is a great stress buster

Getting Stronger and Smarter

• Learning to handle anger makes kids strong and smart. It helps them learn from mistakes and not give up. With anger under control they are more socially engaging with everyone.

•  Encourage them to think positively when things go wrong. Show how trying different ways to solve a problem can make them better at handling tough situations.

We all have a right to feel angry. It is a natural response when we are disappointed, hurt etc. Teaching our children how to deal with anger in a positive way develops their emotional intelligence and gives them great strategies to operate in many and varied life situations. A person’s well being is really enhanced if they have great skills in managing anger.

‘Teaching your child how their behaviour effects others raises their sensitivities and invites them to rethink their anger.’

 - Gail J Smith

Teaching good manners is a great life skill

If we want our children to be well accepted and socially adapt then teaching and modelling good manners gives them a great advantage in life. Manners are a good way for you to show gratitude, display respect and demonstrate kindness. Well mannered children are highly sort after for leadership, advanced learning opportunities, senior roles etc.

Here are five key reasons outlining the benefits:

Social Skills and Relationships

Good manners help children interact positively with others, building strong relationships. When a child has good manners they are welcomed into groups. Other children feel comfortable around them and not threatened by unpredictable behaviour. Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others.

Respect and Empathy

Manners teach children to be respectful and empathetic towards others' feelings and perspectives. A well mannered child is very conscious about how to address people and how to engage with someone in difficult circumstances. Their powers of observation in dealing with people is more acute

 Confidence and Self-Esteem

Practising good manners boosts children's confidence and self-esteem in social situations. They feel more sure about themselves knowing that how they communicate often sets the scene for conversation.

Success in School and Future Career

Having good manners positively influences academic success and future career prospects. People are attracted to well mannered people and are comfortable in engaging with them.

Positive Reputation and Liability

Children with good manners are often well-liked and respected by peers and adults. There is nothing more pleasant than being around people that make you feel comfortable.

A child who has acquired the good habit of using manners is in a class of people who are self assured, understand boundaries and who will intuitively use their language to keep the quality of conversation at a high level.

‘ Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.’ Clarence Thomas

A happy child makes us all feel the joy of youth.

Here are five needs that a child once fulfilled will be content

1. Love and Support
   A happy child needs love, care, and unwavering support from family and caregivers.

2. Opportunities for Play and Exploration
   Children thrive when they have ample opportunities for play and exploration in a safe and stimulating environment.

3. Positive Reinforcement and Encouragement
   Encouraging words, praise, and positive reinforcement contribute to a child's happiness and confidence.

4. Healthy Relationships and Connection
   Building healthy relationships and fostering strong connections with family and friends are crucial for a child's happiness.

5. Sense of Security and Stability
   A stable and secure environment provides the foundation for a child's happiness and well-being.

‘Never underestimate that your attention, respect, confidence and security given to your child are building a very happy person.’

Gail J Smith

The Life giving Power of Politeness: Why Teaching Good Manners Boosts Your Child's Education!

In all my years as Principal and in my experience as a teacher, polite children always won the day! Such children are often popular because they speak well of others and provide no threat. They attract attention because their politeness is attractive and creates an illusion that they are in control of people who use intelligence as their main vehicle of communication. It is quite amazing how a polite child is so valued and attractive to others.

Here are five ideas to demonstrate how teaching good manners is effective and beneficial to the child, especially when taught by the parents.

1. Social Skills for Success: Good manners lay the foundation for positive social interactions, enabling children to build strong relationships with peers and adults alike. Polite children tend to be more confident in social settings, making them more approachable, likeable, and adept at resolving conflicts. These essential social skills pave the way for better academic collaboration and extracurricular involvement, fostering a well-rounded education. Never underestimate how politeness can make a child a lot happier socially.

2. Improved Communication Skills: Teaching children good manners involves emphasising active listening, respectful communication, and empathy. These skills not only improve their ability to express themselves effectively but also foster a deeper understanding of others' perspectives. As a result, children become more articulate and empathetic communicators, which bolsters their academic performance, participation in class discussions, and presentation abilities. A child with strong communication skills is a much more confident child

3. Positive Classroom Environment: When children practice good manners, they contribute to creating a positive and respectful classroom environment. Polite behaviour encourages cooperation, teamwork, and a sense of community, promoting a conducive atmosphere for learning and academic growth. Teachers can focus more on teaching, and students can concentrate better on their studies when the classroom is characterised by courtesy and mutual respect. By being polite, the quality of the learning environment improves. Children listen and hear better when the atmosphere is respectful.

4. Developing Emotional Intelligence: Good manners are closely linked to emotional intelligence—the ability to recognise and manage emotions, both in oneself and others. Children who are taught good manners are more likely to be emotionally aware and capable of handling stress and frustrations constructively. They read the signs very well. Emotional intelligence positively impacts their academic performance by improving their self-regulation, problem-solving skills, and resilience in the face of challenges. There is considerable self discipline demonstrated through politeness and this feeds into improved emotional intelligence. There is more interest in being grateful than feeling entitled.

5. Preparation for Future Success: Beyond the classroom, good manners are essential in preparing children for future success in their personal and professional lives. Employers often seek candidates with strong interpersonal skills and a respectful demeanour, making good manners a valuable asset in the job market. Additionally, individuals who practice good manners are more likely to cultivate supportive networks, mentorship, and opportunities throughout their lives. It’s as though in this ever-changing world, instilling good manners in your child's upbringing is a life giving investment that not only improves their education but also nurtures their overall growth and success. We could easily say that politeness is a measure of success in a world that can easily spin out of control.

As the parent, demonstrate through your own life how politeness has served you well. If a child comes from a family where politeness is valued, it then stands to reason that they will comfortably and confidently adopt that model.

‘Better good manners than good looks.’

                                                                                               -Proverbs

How to motivate your child to learn

This can be a challenge for some children who can lose motivation at school and find the whole exercise of school just too much. They can develop a flight or fight mentality to escape school or simply disengage, which is such a frustrating and helpless experience for the family to understand. Merely encouraging them or advising them about the advantages of school does not make a great deal of difference. In fact the more we talk about it, the more they can feel a failure in your eyes and further reject school.

Consider the following ideas to help motivate a child about school:

•      Develop at home an atmosphere where learning is seen as a good thing. Talk about how you learn and what you enjoy when you want to read a book etc. Keep reading alive at home as we know that being able to read is a key to being happy and successful at school. The process of learning to read helps keep the brain active in processing information and communication. A child who reads will have less problems being motivated at school. Reading excites the imagination and keeps the interest high in learning.

•      Encourage your child to be independent in their learning. Try not to put controls on them or limit what they must learn. We now know that children learn in all different ways and this creative process should be encouraged. Give them choices and affirm what they choose to learn. A motivated child will always want to follow their passions.

•      Keep the conversations going and keep them frequent. Make them positive and full of reassurance and confidence in their efforts. Listen to their opinions and applaud creative thinking. A child needs to feel that how they learn has value and that what they have to say is important. They may challenge you in the way they think but that is OK!

•      Notice the uniqueness of your child and home in on their interests. Sometimes their passions and interests last a short while, sometimes they last forever. Either way, your child needs to be supported in those interests and made to feel that their passions are powerful and valued. Help them to discover more about their passions. Perhaps if fishing is their interest go to the library together and collect books on fishing.

•      All children learn differently. Any teacher will tell you this. Don't be critical of their learning style. Allow them to discover their best way of learning. When we force their hand at changing how they learn, this can destroy a child’s confidence and they can begin to doubt their ability to learn.

•      Consider sharing games together. They are a great family activity but also reinforce that learning is a successful tool in playing games. A child works out that to be successful at the game they should try harder and understand more.

•      Remember that the process of learning is what is important. Reward and acknowledge the effort, not the outcome. Remember that a child looks for your approval and is more motivated by your acceptance of their efforts rather than how they were successful. If absolute success is your goal, a child will become anxious about rising to meet that challenge. This is where disengagement can happen.

•      Every child has strengths. It is easy for us to see our weaknesses and so important for a child to feel success through their strengths. Teachers are very good at picking up on this in class and will focus on a child’s strength to give them reassurance that they can easily learn. It also makes children less anxious about their weaknesses. This also teaches a child that failure is part of life and that we use it as a means to learn. Focusing on their weakness only shrouds them in a sense of failure and disengagement from school is not far away.

•      Be a learner yourself and use opportunities around you to engage your child in learning. This is about developing an inquiring mind. Learning is catchy and your child will see you as someone helping them to develop an inquiring mind and to be curious about all sorts of things.

•       Children can from time to time lose some motivation at school.

Remember they are children and may need time to simply rest a little from formal learning. Your teacher has an excellent knowledge on how your child learns and I would recommend you speak to them when motivation drops off.

 ‘There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly

                                                 -Buckskin Fuller

Personality: We need to nurture its development

When, as adults we look back on our childhood (or even our own children who are now adults), do we recognise the child in them or within ourselves? Do we reflect on those developing personalities over the years? Do you see many changes in the personalities in your own children over the years?

There are many varied beliefs and studies about personalities and still the research goes on about what constitutes personality and how they influence our behaviour and performance as a person. What we do know for certain is that as parents we have a responsibility to nurture our child’s personality and allow them to express themselves and learn about who they really are. Developing a strong sense of self awareness is what it is all about. If we attempt to stifle them and change certain traits in their personality, we will undoubtedly do them a misjustice. Of course, from time to time we seek to change certain behaviours that are unacceptable. This is different from influencing their personality. Take care to know the difference as we can be easily unsettled by unattractive behaviour.

Teachers are very aware that enhancing and affirming a child’s personality in the classroom will give them a creative opportunity to learn about themselves. A child may learn that some of their personality traits work well with people and some aspects may not. It is all about trial and error in discovering and liking themselves. It is also about developing self-awareness and accepting who they are.

 Consider:

• When you see those quirky and delightful aspects of your child’s personality coming out, affirm them, highlight those moments and show them that they are being quite the little individual.

• Talk to your child’s teacher about how your child expresses themselves in the classroom. Often how a child acts in a classroom is quite different than home.

• Give your child opportunities to express themselves and talk and act in ways that make them feel complete. Sometimes adult conversations can dominate and control the room space making it difficult for children to have their voice. Give them space to be themselves.

• The friends your child chooses often reflect their personalities. Accept and be inclusive with all their friends as over time your child will be discerning with friendships. They do not need our instructions on who to associate with. They will learn over time the ins and outs of relationships and who best fits into their circle of friends.

• Be an opportunist when you see your child expressing quirky aspects of their personality embrace the moment and applaud their style. Don’t be intimidated by differences that you notice in your child.

• As a family watching movies together is a great occasion to talk about the characters and personality traits that you admired in the characters. This is a way of reinforcing what you value without imposing your beliefs.

• We often hear parents boasting that their child is so similar to them in how they operate. Perhaps this is true as the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. However, every child has a different twist in the way they see and interpret the world. Each generation is presented with challenges and opportunities that stimulate their thinking in different ways. No one person is a replica of another. Look for and celebrate the differences you see in your children. Allow them to be themselves with their own personality traits driving their directions in life. Some aspects of that personality will be challenging for them and other aspects will give them great joy and satisfaction. Only through learning and exposure to life will they understand their personality as an important tool in how happily they live their life.

          ‘The most important thing you wear is your personality.’

- America Ferrera