Never Underestimate How Important You Are To Your Child At Any Age

How easy it is to forget the value that our children place on us. At times we feel their trust and love have diminished but it actually hibernates for a while as they grow through different stages. Our children are on a mission from childbirth to be independent and that journey can often challenge their relationship with us. However, their great desire is ultimately to take us with them into adulthood. The thoughts below are an excellent reminder of how valuable we are to our children.

• Parents are the original Google. They answer endless questions about the world, from why the sky is blue to why you can't have ice cream for breakfast (even though they secretly wish they could too).

• No matter how many times you "decorate" the walls with crayons or bring home a pet frog, parents love you anyway. They're the ultimate cheerleaders, always in your corner.

• Parents show you how to be an adult. From tying your shoes to filing taxes, they model the art of surviving and thriving in the grown-up world. Plus, they’re living proof that yes, you can survive without a nap.

• Parents are like a safety net in a circus act. When life gets wobbly, they're there to catch you, dust you off, and send you back into the ring, with a little more wisdom each time.

• Whether it's a skinned knee or a broken heart, parents are the go-to fixers. They're like emotional band-aids, always ready to make the hurt feel a little less painful with a hug or a cookie.

• Parents teach you the difference between right and wrong, like why it's not okay to swipe your sibling's dessert (even if they weren't eating it fast enough).

• From cooking a meal to changing a tyre, parents equip you with the skills you need to navigate life. They're the original DIY experts, minus the YouTube tutorials.

• Parents can be surprisingly fun. They tell the best (or worst) jokes, make silly faces, and sometimes dance in the kitchen like no one is watching, even when everyone is.

Every now and again, when you feel the fatigue of parenting or think that you are making no difference, keep in mind that parenting is a long-haul process. It is not so much geared to short-term success, but it is more about the ongoing support and unconditional love you show them.

If you are emotionally and physically present for your child, you are a parent with impact.

Gail J Smith

Let take a good look at why boredom can be a good thing

Our children at times are so overactive not to mention the incredible hours they put into their social media etc. If we can encourage our children to learn that less can sometimes be better and it can be quite a skill to learn how to do it.

Consider these ideas below that invite us to reflect on how healthy and positive, boredom can be in our life.

1. Creativity and Imagination:

   Boredom can spark creativity and imagination, leading to innovative problem-solving skills and a deeper appreciation for the arts. Just leave lots of magazines, interesting books and crayons around the house. Let their boredom discover what they can do.

2. Self-Discovery:

   Downtime without structured activities allows children to explore their interests and passions independently, uncovering hidden talents and hobbies. Let them roam through the garden, look outside the window etc. In order for them to be reflective, they need to just slow down

3. Resilience and Patience:

   Facing boredom can teach kids to be more patient and resilient when dealing with challenges or waiting for rewards in school and life. Sitting and waiting is something we all should learn to practice.

4. Enhanced Focus:

   Occasional boredom can improve a child's ability to concentrate, making them more effective at studying and completing assignments. We all need to learn patience and be prepared to wait our turn.

5. Stress Reduction:

   Unstructured time can reduce stress, anxiety, and the pressures of constant scheduling, benefiting a child's mental health and overall well-being. Don’t be anxious if schedules are not complete or you are late occasionally. Slowing down is healthy.

6. Quality Family Time: 

   Consider the importance of boredom in allowing for quality family time, during which parents and children can bond, have meaningful conversations, and create lasting memories. Idle conversations and no particular agenda when together can be a creative time for families.

7. Self-Directed Learning:

   Children can engage in self-directed learning during their unstructured moments, exploring topics that pique their curiosity and contributing to their academic growth. Teachers always give children unstructured time and it is well appreciated by the students.

Not filling every moment with activities allows the brain to slow down and recover from busy directions and messages. It also creates a wonderful space that can be filled by new thoughts, ideas and dreams.

‘Allow a little boredom into your child’s life and see how it works for them’

- Gail J Smith

What brings joy to you and your child?

It doesn’t take much for a child to feel joy. We can always help them feel that joy by our own actions. The more we share that joy the deeper and richer connection we make with our child. It also makes us very happy. It triggers a host of significant physiological and psychological changes that improves our physical and mental health.

 Here are some examples of what brings joy to your child. Embrace it!

1. Seeing Your Child Laugh and Play Is Pure Joy

   Watching your child burst into giggles while playing with their favourite toy or sharing a fun moment with friends at the park. Laugh with them. Feel the muscles move in your chest and enjoy the moment together.

2. Their Smile Brightens Up Your Day

   When your child greets you with a big, toothy grin after school, or when they proudly show you a drawing they made. Notice how enlivening is their smile and how it makes you feel so much better.

3. Hearing Their Stories and Ideas Fills Your Heart with Joy

   When your child excitedly tells you about their day at school, recounts a funny story, or shares their imaginative ideas for a new adventure.

   Listen to what they have to say. There is so much joy in the way they express themselves and how they see the world.

4. Celebrating Milestones and Achievements Is a Source of Happiness

   Witnessing your child take their first steps, reading their first book, or seeing them receive a certificate for a school accomplishment. With each milestone you know that your child is well on the way to being an independent individual. That should bring a smile to your face.

5. Quality Time Together Creates Special Memories and Joy

   Enjoying a family game night, going on a nature hike, or having a cosy movie night complete with popcorn and snuggles. Find those special moments as a family. They don’t have to be large or complex. Make them spontaneous occasions where you can be together without any outside pressure. Build it into your week. Make it a family ritual that you get together and have some form of quality time.

6. Supporting Their Passions and Interests Brings Joy to Both of You

   Encouraging your child's love for art by setting up a mini art studio at home or helping them explore their interest in science with exciting experiments.

   Indulging your child’s passions will bring extreme pleasure and joy to your child. They will learn so much as they are keen to participate. Join them and learn from their excitement and joy. Its amazing how passions can become a life habit.

Our world is so much richer and calmer when there is a strong presence of joy in the world. Children are natural ‘joists’. They find joy in the simplest and least complicated aspects of life.

If you decide to join them you will lighten your world and build happy bridges with your child.

   ‘Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls”

- Mother Theresa

Teach your child to have a go and to be a risk taker

Just because you do not know something is not a reason for avoiding the situation or perhaps going around the problem. We want our children to have an embedded belief locked into them. They need to feel confident to have a go and take a risk. If a child automatically puts themselves forward when a challenge comes their way they have learnt how to learn.

Look at the following great advantages of being a child who takes risks.

1. Boosts Confidence and Self-Esteem
   Advantage: Taking risks helps children believe in themselves and feel more confident. They grow in self esteem.

2. Encourages Problem-Solving Skills
   Advantage: Risk-taking teaches kids to find solutions when things don't go as planned. It is a natural process for them to keep trying different ways and means of getting solutions.

3. Fosters Creativity and Innovation
   Advantage: Trying new things sparks creativity and helps kids come up with new ideas. Once you start something different, new ideas and concepts grow.

4. Promotes Independence and Resilience
   Advantage: Taking risks makes kids more independent and resilient when facing challenges. They are not anxious about making mistakes but in fact see them as part of the learning process.

5. Develops a Positive Attitude Towards Learning
   Advantage: Being willing to have a go creates a positive attitude towards learning new things. Once a learner always a learner.

As a parent your child will observe how you embrace risk taking in your life. Invite your child into discussing all sorts of options that involve having a go and taking a risk. Enjoy this adventure together.

‘Don’t let what you don’t know stop you from having a go’

Lisamessenger

Teaching good manners is a great life skill

If we want our children to be well accepted and socially adapt then teaching and modelling good manners gives them a great advantage in life. Manners are a good way for you to show gratitude, display respect and demonstrate kindness. Well mannered children are highly sort after for leadership, advanced learning opportunities, senior roles etc.

Here are five key reasons outlining the benefits:

Social Skills and Relationships

Good manners help children interact positively with others, building strong relationships. When a child has good manners they are welcomed into groups. Other children feel comfortable around them and not threatened by unpredictable behaviour. Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others.

Respect and Empathy

Manners teach children to be respectful and empathetic towards others' feelings and perspectives. A well mannered child is very conscious about how to address people and how to engage with someone in difficult circumstances. Their powers of observation in dealing with people is more acute

 Confidence and Self-Esteem

Practising good manners boosts children's confidence and self-esteem in social situations. They feel more sure about themselves knowing that how they communicate often sets the scene for conversation.

Success in School and Future Career

Having good manners positively influences academic success and future career prospects. People are attracted to well mannered people and are comfortable in engaging with them.

Positive Reputation and Liability

Children with good manners are often well-liked and respected by peers and adults. There is nothing more pleasant than being around people that make you feel comfortable.

A child who has acquired the good habit of using manners is in a class of people who are self assured, understand boundaries and who will intuitively use their language to keep the quality of conversation at a high level.

‘ Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.’ Clarence Thomas

A happy child makes us all feel the joy of youth.

Here are five needs that a child once fulfilled will be content

1. Love and Support
   A happy child needs love, care, and unwavering support from family and caregivers.

2. Opportunities for Play and Exploration
   Children thrive when they have ample opportunities for play and exploration in a safe and stimulating environment.

3. Positive Reinforcement and Encouragement
   Encouraging words, praise, and positive reinforcement contribute to a child's happiness and confidence.

4. Healthy Relationships and Connection
   Building healthy relationships and fostering strong connections with family and friends are crucial for a child's happiness.

5. Sense of Security and Stability
   A stable and secure environment provides the foundation for a child's happiness and well-being.

‘Never underestimate that your attention, respect, confidence and security given to your child are building a very happy person.’

Gail J Smith

Being authentic and honest with your child is the best way forward

Being honest and authentic with your children is crucial for building trust, fostering healthy relationships, and promoting their emotional and moral development.

Here are six sound reasons, along with examples of what honesty and authenticity look like in parenting:

1. Building Trust: When you are honest and authentic, your children learn that they can trust you. This trust forms the foundation of a strong parent-child relationship. For example, if your child asks where babies come from, you can provide age-appropriate, honest information instead of making up a story. Tell the truth. Consider of course that it is age-appropriate conversations.

2. Setting a Positive Example: Children often model their behaviour after their parents. They look to you for learning about life. When you demonstrate honesty and authenticity, you set a positive example for them to follow. For instance, if you make a mistake, acknowledge it, apologise, and explain how you plan to make amends. This teaches your child the importance of taking responsibility for their actions. Let them see how you deal with mistakes and accept them as a learning process.

3. Enhancing Communication: Being authentic in your communication encourages open and honest conversations with your children. For instance, if you're going through a challenging time, sharing your feelings and concerns can help your child understand and empathise with your situation. This, in turn, can encourage them to confide in you when they face difficulties and eases the feeling that they will be judged.

4. Fostering Emotional Intelligence: Honesty and authenticity help children develop emotional intelligence. When you express your own emotions honestly and explain how you manage them, your child learns valuable emotional regulation skills. For example, if you're feeling stressed, you can explain that stress is a normal emotion and share healthy coping strategies you use. Letting them see that you are stressed is an acceptable behaviour.

5. Teaching Values and Morality: Authenticity in parenting allows you to impart your values and morals consistently. For example, if you believe in kindness and empathy, you can demonstrate these values in your interactions with others and explain why they are important to you. This helps your child understand the principles that guide your family. Involve them in the way you demonstrate your values. For example, if you are involved in a fundraiser get them involved.

6. Resolving Conflicts: Authenticity is essential when addressing conflicts or disagreements within the family. Instead of avoiding difficult conversations, address them honestly and constructively. For example, if there's a disagreement between siblings, you can facilitate a conversation where each child has the opportunity to express their feelings and thoughts while maintaining a respectful and open atmosphere. If you feel conflictual with your child, sit down together and discuss the issue.

Being authentic becomes easier over time. Here you are not setting up situations that are not sustainable. Your child will come to expect and in fact, demand an authentic relationship. This brings you into a close and intimate relationship with your child.

Being authentic around your child gives them a model of how life works.

Gail Smith

Celebrate your efforts as the first educators of your child

As a parent doing their best, take a bow. You are the first and primary educators of your child and all your efforts will not go unnoticed by your child. The years of effort and the untiring work you put into the rearing of your child will come to fruition as they mature. Of course, the world is not a perfect place and all that should be asked of any parent is that you simply do your best. There will be influences along the way that will impact on your child-rearing work but being consistent and determined with your heart in the right place will win out on this occasion.

Let’s now reflect on how you impact your child as the first and primary educator. The following reasons show you why you make all the difference.

Foundation of Values and Morals: Parents instil their values, ethics, and morals in their children from an early age. It naturally happens that way. This foundation helps shape the child's character and guides them in making ethical decisions throughout their life. They are listening and learning from an early age.

Language and Communication Skills: Parents are the primary source of language development for children. They help children build their vocabulary, improve communication skills, and foster a love for reading and learning. Speak to them well and listen well to what they have to say. How you use your language skills will influence how they use their language skills to others.

Emotional Well-Being: Parents provide emotional support, love, and care that create a secure attachment in children. This secure attachment serves as a strong emotional foundation, promoting positive mental health and resilience. Your emotional support perhaps I should say, this emotional security is the foundation of building self-esteem.

Cultural and Religious Identity: Parents often pass down cultural and religious traditions, customs, and beliefs. This helps children understand their heritage and cultural identity, promoting a sense of belonging. All that you do which is ritual and contains family values will give your child stability and a connection to the past.

Early Learning and Curiosity: Parents stimulate a child's curiosity by answering questions, engaging in activities, and encouraging exploration. This early exposure to learning fosters a lifelong love for knowledge and learning. Being an active, engaging parent will provide the stimulus and interest in learning.

Responsibility and Work Ethic: Parents teach children about responsibility, work ethic, and the importance of setting and achieving goals. These lessons help children develop a strong sense of personal responsibility and motivation. Your modelling in this area happens on a daily basis. They observe how you live and how you live up to your expectations.

In essence, parents play a crucial role in shaping their child's values, identity, emotional well-being, and learning experiences. Being the first educators, they have a profound impact on their children's development, helping them become well-rounded individuals who are prepared to navigate the world with confidence and integrity. The ball is in your court. Enjoy the game.

‘Parents are teachers, and home is a child’s first and most important classroom.’

-Hillary Clinton

14 easy parenting strategies

There are countless ideas in parenting courses, not the least of which is from my book: ‘The Primary Years. A principal’s perspective on raising happy kids.’ Here I have compiled a list of easy-to-apply strategies that can have a remarkable impact on making parenting a little easier. These strategies will be well received by your child who feels more easily connected to you. We could call them the simple language of parenting.

Consider:

• Become a natural, spontaneous parent in praising children where possible. Try to mention why you are praising them. This hits home very quickly with a child.

• Behaviour that we favour is especially valuable in rewarding. ‘You are such a caring person to hug your little brother when he cries.’

• Be very clear when setting expectations. Keep the message short and use simple words that make it easy for a child to translate. Sometimes asking them to repeat back what was asked of them ensures that everyone is on the same page. This is especially important for younger children.

• Be a problem solver with your child. Sit with them and together execute planned ways of looking at problems together. Share in the process of working through problems and make it a family habit. Point out that you do not have, nor should you have all the answers.

• Slow down the anger. Being quick to anger can escalate the problem. Allowing some breathing space brings the anger down a notch or two. It also gives you time to better assess the situation.

• Live out your values happily. Talk about them often. This way your child knows what is important to you even though they will change over time.

• Gradually provide opportunities for building your child’s independence. From the minute they are born, we should be finding ways to let them build their independence.

• Involve your child in family decision-making. This can be part of your family culture to be inclusive and to engage with them about holidays, activities etc.

• Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. This means that you are prepared to listen and compromise. This is all about being fair, just and respecting your child’s opinions.

• Wherever possible be the coach not the lecturer. This is about giving independent guidance but not having expectations that they will always follow suit.

• Create a safe happy home where your child feels that they have a voice and are valued.

• When setting expectations, make them age appropriate and realistic. This way, your child will not be overwhelmed or feel intimidated.

• Create a home that is also a creative and positive learning environment. Spread books around the house, ensure that there is plenty of light and good study facilities near and around the family room. Have music playing. Talk about articles you have read.

• Be engaged and involved with your child’s school. Talk about it a lot and show interest in what work comes home. Volunteer and find out how you can support the school.

This list gives you some ideas for building a stronger relationship with your child. You can, with practice, get better at using these strategies and once you feel some success it is amazing how you condition yourself to keep them up. You may find that some will be easier to adopt than others. You may also find that you are successfully and naturally doing these strategies already. If so just keep up the great work!

‘The golden rule of parenting is to always show your children the kind of person you want them to be’

-Elizabeth Roxas

How best to talk to your children

The language we use and how we talk has a huge impact on how a child; firstly, responds and secondly, feels that they trust what you have to say. Your words, expressions and how you deliver messages to your child are significant for a child to learn how best to communicate for themselves. It is natural to just chat away, but this article invites you to learn and reflect on how your talk can influence a child’s perception about themselves. You are a big driver of building self confidence in your child. The quality of your conversation will directly impact the child’s response and how they interpret what you are saying to them.

Consider the following thoughts that may give you some guidance into how you can best communicate with your child:

• Always talk with optimism and a sense of hope built in. Children find this reassuring and they gravitate around such talk.

• Find good times for conversation. Meal times are great for family conversation and discussion about everyone's day. Take care not to ask too many probing questions. Don’t be on the rush or distracted when you are in for a good conversation with your child.

• Your child will really open up when in a relaxed uncomplicated setting. This could be taking a walk together, sometimes just listening in the car while driving works as well.

•  Try not to interrupt what they have to talk about, listen with interest and add an occasional, ‘Hmm that sounds great. Keep going.’

• Give them good eye contact and only ask questions that will keep their conversation going. Acknowledge that you enjoyed talking together and look forward to more talks.

• Don’t set unrealistic expectations when they start to talk, sometimes boys take longer to get going and usually need to be active while talking.

• Talk is more likely to happen when they feel comfortable. This could be in their bedroom or bath time etc. Timing is everything to get the best from conversation.

• Enjoying conversation is not a game of manipulation. Should your child think that it is all about gaining certain information, they will shut down.

• Watch your tone of voice and keep it consistent throughout the conversation. A change of tone can suggest to a child that you are showing some disapproval. This will definitely shut the conversation down. Listening is not about making judgements.

• Try not to take over the conversation. Once it is hijacked the child will go quiet.

• Respect the fact that your child may not want conversations in bigger groups. Find the best climate where your child will comfortably chat with you. In this area know your child.

• Always let the child complete what they have to say. If you tend to interrupt and take over the conversation, they no longer will own the content.

• All of us from time to time don't have much to say. Respect the fact that your child may be perfectly at peace in not talking much for a while.

• If your child starts a conversation and you find that they go quiet, allow time for them to finish. Sometimes putting thoughts together can be difficult. Some children, especially younger ones, need more time to process thoughts.

• Keep in mind that a child has the right to be heard. The more we give them their independence in talking for themselves, the happier they are and the more personally confident they grow.

• We know that strong oral language feeds into effective reading and writing.

Finally, sound communication should be a normal part of being a parent. Your child should feel confident that you enjoy a conversation and you are especially interested in hearing what they have to say. This is all about developing young individuals with opinions, confidence and believing that what they have to say has value.

‘The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.’                                       

                                                                                     -Peggy O’Mara

Learn to have some fun

There is not a lot written about the value of being happy but we know that there are some wonderful psychological advantages to just having fun. Here I make the distinction to humour. Within fun we can have a lot of humour. It is present when we become excited or find something that makes us feel good.

Teachers know that when an element of spontaneous fun is included in their day or week, the mood and temper of the children increases tenfold. Many teachers would also say that the presence of fun builds trust with children. A child feels secure when they see their teacher relax and display a happy spontaneous style in the classroom. There is something honest and healthy about simply having some fun.

Let’s think about the value of having fun with your child:

• When you have fun together, you show your child that there is a child in you, the adult. Bringing back the child in you is a positive life-giving thing.

• We are always trying to be in control. It is a massive driver for us as responsible parents. How about letting go sometimes and simply have some spontaneous unplanned fun with your child. It could last five minutes or much longer. It does not make you a less reliable, organised person, but it shows your child that having fun is alive in you.

• By having fun together you are bringing yourself to the same level as your child. This is quite a moment for both of you to share.

• Children will remember the fun times. Nobody wants to remember the serious times. They simply bring you down. However, being a fun-loving parent is memorable.

• To be an effective adult, one must also understand the lighter side of being human. We need to have fun as well and we need to show our children how we enjoy it. It is a well-being component built into our DNA.

• Fun can be any form of having a wonderful time together. Let it be spontaneous, which may take you away from routine and schedules sometimes. It can be a short sharp moment of fun. If you look around it is not hard to see the fun side of so much of life. Point it out to your child.

• We often talk about how important it is to play with your child. Similarly, it is important for developing good mental health that you simply have fun. It can only bring out the best in you and there are no boundaries there with your child. It can serve as a quick pick me up when moodiness is around and it can lighten the spirit when feelings of sadness are prevailing around our children.

Try to build in a bit of fun over the week. It could be as simple as tickling on the couch, throwing pillars around the room or blowing bubbles through your drink. No one said it has to be sensible.

        ‘Let go of preconceived notions and prejudices. Expect surprises. Expect miracles’

                                                             -Michael Joseph

Learning about being responsible

As an adult, we understand why responsibility is such an important part of our makeup. Without it, as an adult, we cannot survive. We learn also over time that different responsibilities come our way and this challenges us in new and sometimes difficult ways. I always remember bringing our first child home from the hospital and thinking, how can I look after this little individual? I don’t have the skills. Fortunately, she survived and I learnt quickly. This is how developing new and challenging responsibilities comes our way.

For a child, it is all about learning that responsibilities are actually important and that this may mean some sacrifice, compromise, etc. It is about learning that responsibilities must be understood and followed through with and there is often regularity to responsibilities. All of these learned traits take a while for children to grasp. I am sure you have had some issues with getting your child to take on and keep up with responsibilities. It just takes time and perseverance.

Teachers will automatically assign responsibilities to their class so that the classroom functions well. They can be rotating duties or they can have a responsibility for the whole year. These responsibilities work well because the child learns that they are accountable to others for their actions.

Here are some thoughts on helping your child learn responsibility.

• Firstly, take care that if you give your child a job, they follow it through. Don’t finish the job for them as this teaches them that responsibilities are not genuine. Show them that it is a satisfying thing to finish a job yourself.

• A child having a pet is a great responsibility and one that cannot be part-time. If you take this on, make sure your child is mature enough to take on this responsibility.

• Talk about all your responsibilities and how you work through them during the week. Maybe there are some that are short term and others, long term, (like being a parent).

• Before your child takes on a responsibility make sure they understand its length and breadth. Often younger children do not have a sense of time and become overwhelmed or disengage earlier. The responsibility should be age appropriate and should have the satisfaction of completion.

• Take care when a child shows an interest in a sport such as tennis lessons, gymnastics etc. can they see the term through, finishing halfway is not honouring the responsibility to the program.

• Always affirm your child when they complete their responsibilities. They need to know that it is a job well done and has impact on others in the family.

• As a family, plan weekly chores and at the end of the week thank your child for their completion. Jobs such as setting the table, putting bins out, putting toys away etc. are all responsibilities that need attention.

• Teaching your child that they own the responsibility is important. They need to know that others rely on their actions and without the job done others are affected. This is why it is important that they complete the task even if it means some inconvenience on your part.

• If a child is irresponsible, try not to be simply angry and disappointed. Sit them down and listen to why they could not complete the task. Give them the opportunity to explain. Perhaps it was too much, perhaps they did not realise its importance etc.

Finally, build into your teaching about the responsibility that if they fail the child learns to blame no one else but comes to accept responsibility themselves. This is quite a mature concept but one to work towards. This is all about building strong foundations in emotional intelligence.

“It is not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves. That will make them successful individuals.’

-Ann Landers

9 Tips about how to help your child love learning

The whole learning process for our children can be considered without a doubt, a family affair. Research over many years tells us that the more parents are interested and show an inquiring attitude to their child’s learning, the more successful the learner. You are after all the child’s first teacher. From infancy through to young adulthood, your child will depend on you physically, emotionally and socially. Challenges will come their way but you still remain a primary source for their learning and developing a passion for learning.

On many levels, you set the stage for understanding the value and richness of learning. Sounds like a tall order, but your work is done slowly and steadily over the years. It is not an overnight job and the more you take it on as a serious part of your role, the more likely the child will be engaged in their learning from a younger age.

Here are some simple tips that help us along the way from infancy through to well…. Adulthood:

1. Establishing a daily routine is important. Build it into all the expectations of the day and understand what school requirements are to be considered in your plan. Setting up a routine includes providing a quiet spot for them to learn at home. Consider the background noise issues, lighting and of course interruptions like younger siblings.

2. Regular conversations about school each day can keep the dialogue going in a positive way about what was learnt, achieved or found interesting. Remember this is not about an inquisition into the school day, but a gentle interest in what the child learnt or did in their time. Sometimes you may get a response, sometimes that may not happen.

3. Set tasks for your child that are manageable and within reasons. You can help them set goals in doing jobs at home. Also help them balance their homework time, play time and reading time. Teach them that the more they plan and balance their time, the happier they will be. Point out that by being organised, they get the recreation and play time that they want and deserve.

4. A most important aid in helping your child become a true learner is the modelling you give them. By your example such as reading, writing or being active in a range of learning activities, the child sees that this is the way to go. When you play as a family be intuitive and choose activities, games etc. that have a learning component to them, but at the same time they are fun. Learning to link fun and joy is the best way forward for a child. Also be an inquirer. Teach your child that asking questions is important. Have various ways of seeking information through books internet, conversations etc.

5. Set high expectations for your child, but make them achievable. A child needs to feel inspirational, but not have unreal expectations placed on them. Be proud of their efforts and affirm how hard they try to achieve their goals. ‘I am so impressed with all the effort you put into learning about elephants. You must have got so much good information.’

6. Be aware of their special talents and praise their uniqueness in all sorts of ways. Every child has unique gifts. Spell them out often.

7. Be proud to show their work to other members of the family. Learning is about a celebration of knowledge and achievements in many forms. We demonstrate that all learning should be boldly acknowledged.

8. Encourage overall development. This can be through their physical efforts, intellectual efforts, artistic endeavours etc. Show your child that there are many ways of achieving success in learning and you recognise so many of them in your child.

9. Be a connector with the school. This shows your child that you value their learning space throughout the day. Connect to libraries, take your child to museums, places where creativity and adventure are alive. Keep an eye out for opportunities that introduce new concepts and open their minds in different ways. Show your child that you enjoy discovering new ways of seeing and understanding the world.

Finally, the learning process over the years is slow and steady. At times it will accelerate as different teachers and circumstances excite the imagination. Your role is to be the constant, everyday reminder that learning is an ongoing and life-giving experience. It is a growth that keeps developing all your life if the foundations teach you well. Be the ever-present learner in the life of your child.

                        ‘Once you stop learning you start dying.’

                                                                                -Albert Einstein

Choose your battles. That’s the best win.

Sometimes being right is not always the best outcome for the situation. Naturally, the feeling of being right can be overpowering and we feel compelled to set everything on the right curve. After all, if you know what’s right, you naturally want to do the right thing.

Actually, we need to think beyond that and realise that choosing your battles will actually empower you better, when working out issues with your children. Resistance comes fast and furious if you are the one with all the answers. Children learn to shut down, not listen and sometimes work in a rebellious way.

Knowing which battles to fight and which ones to leave is a powerful lesson.

 Consider:

• Is winning all the time teaching the child any lessons? Sometimes allowing them to decide even though mistakes are made is a great learning lesson. If your child thinks you are always right and have the answers, how will they ever learn themselves? Here the child becomes dependent on the parent and never seeks answers and solutions for themselves. This is a dangerous direction, leading to very poor self-esteem and I might add poor school performance.

• By demonstrating to your child that you don’t have all the answers and sometimes you let things go, teaches your child the very human face that you present to them. It is a wise parent that sometimes lets things go.

• Remember that some battles are quite insignificant. Consider whether or not it is important to win small victories. Often these are insignificant but can mount up if you are out to win all battles.

• Children learn the art of avoidance very quickly if they have dominant parents that seem to know everything. It is much easier for them not to discuss matters with you. Silence, when used, is a great trick or developed skill. Your child will feel happier not going into battle over matters that they know they will lose. This sets a dangerous precedence and your child will seek out their needs elsewhere.

• When a battle is brewing and you think it is important to bring up, go gently into active listening. Hear their concerns. Try to resolve the matter with some understanding of their needs. Negotiation is the best way forward and will lead to their confidence in approaching you again.

• Think across a day, a week, a month etc. and try not to go into battle too often. It is habit-forming. Try walking away, counting to ten, practise some deep breathing. Find strategies that will reduce your anger and invite more reflection on whether it was worth the battle.

• After you learn to be more intuitive with regard to what is worth the battle, you may find yourself relaxing more and not taking everything so seriously.

Finally, your relationship is not about the battles won but the battles that need to be avoided and the relationship that strengthens by less confrontation.

Some children will press your buttons more than others. Think about what is the driver in their behaviour that makes you so upset. Try to reflect on ways around that and it may be by counting to ten, breathing slowly or simply walking away. Quick reactions leading to control can only reduce your healthy relationship, so be alert to how your child interacts with you.

‘Choose your battles wisely because if you fight them all you’ll be too tired to win the really important ones’.

         -The MindsJournal.com

Strengthening a child’s interest and endurance with reading

This can be a tricky area if you have a child who is reticent to read.  In my experience, I have seen this behaviour more in boys than girls and therefore a parent must connect to a child’s interest in reading to help them become more of a motivated reader.  It can be a fine line between pushing the child to read and gently setting the scene to help them.

 Consider;

• Generally, children will not read without some purpose in mind. As a parent talk about what they are reading and why they may be enjoying it. Never question or make a judgement on whether it is a magazine, novel, cartoon series etc. you are just talking about what makes them want to read it.

• The family can play a big part in encouraging reading. Some families read a novel after dinner together. Some ask older siblings to read to younger ones. Some children look forward to bed reading with a parent. There are many shades of a family reading together and as long as reading is seen as an important icon and is a regular part of the week, the message is clear. Reading is here to stay.

• With younger children reading aloud is valuable and children enjoy the family experience of reading and sharing the story together. Repeating the same books over and over again is very acceptable as it shows how enriching the story is and the heightened level of enjoyment. Sometimes young prereaders enjoy reciting the words of the story which is a great precursor to reading.

• Talk to your child about where in the house is the best and most comfortable place to read. Keep the area away from distractions such as television and if the child likes to read in their bedroom until they are active highly engaged readers they can find many distractions in such a space. The environment must be conducive for reading with comfort.

• Some families use dinner time to talk about the book they are readings. Talking about books keeps the interest alive in the home.

• Don’t be perturbed by what the child chooses to read. They need to explore different reading material before they really discover what interests them.

• Boys need encouragement and will often choose books that are cartoon based, or more inclined to be fact-driven. All of this is acceptable. The important point is to keep your boy engaged in the act of reading. Take care not to force books on them as this can cause a block to reading. Consider audio books as an option.

• Don’t forget the importance of you, being a critical model. The more you demonstrate a love for reading you are giving your child a clear message that reading enriches your life and it is a force of great joy.

• Ensure easy access to books. Perhaps regular trips to the library or simply leaving easy reads around the house. Consider downloading free e books for your child.

• The child should feel happy and willing to choose the book. They will have more success with reading if they own what they read. The reluctant reader still has interests and maybe passions in different areas. This is where you can talk about their interests and bring home books that talk about their passions. Often this can stimulate a child to look into a book that might satisfy their thirst for knowledge. A reluctant reader can be tempted by books that give them important information that accommodates their interests.

• It was common practice in classrooms to have a dedicated thirty minutes to silent reading often after lunch. Children looked forward to this time which was mandated across the year and understood as an important part of a child’s learning across the week. Is something like this possible in your home?

• People will read for different purposes and this is always acceptable and the more likely reason for reading. Children will over time, gravitate to what they really enjoy in reading. Some love reading for pleasure, others read for information gathering and instructions. We all gain different outcomes from our reading experiences but while we are learning the art of reading we need to feel embraced by various options to read and to feel that we are enjoying the process.          

Everyone is entitled to be literate and to have access to information to help them through life. Reading, acquired early in life and in a climate of trust builds our confidence and provides necessary skills invaluable for life.

           ‘To learn to red is to light a fire; every syllable that is spelled out is a spark.’

                                                                              -Victor Hugo

Being credible is such an important part in parenting

We build our relationships into healthy vibrant relationships when we have built up trust amongst others. It is as simple and as complicated as that.  Children have a natural disposition to trust their parents, which puts you in a very precious and precarious position if at any time that trust breaks down. Younger children trust implicitly, but as the child grows older and they question and probe how we think and challenge our beliefs etc, this is where trust comes into play so importantly.

Teachers are always in the firing line with children if they are not credible and as such their ability to teach is limited. Credibility builds trust and a teacher is in a wonderful situation to teach when they have the trust of their students.

Parents start off with automatic credibility with their child. As they mature and start to question, they will of course challenge you but still expect you to be credible holding all your values true to yourself.

Consider the following ideas that remind us of our credible role in your child’s life:

• Your relationship with your child will remain intact if to them you are seen as a credible and consistent person. It will not only remain intact but it will grow existentially.

• Your child relies on your credibility to gain verification for many aspects of life. What you tell them and how you express your beliefs is an important model to your child when they start making choices on their own.

• A child will be more interested in checking in with you as they grow older if they find you to be credible. There is so much constant change in their world. Sometimes just coming home to what they see as true and credible can be the best option. Especially in times of confusion.

• Given your credibility with your child there is less worry and more reassurance from the trust you give and take from your child. Anxiety can easily spread when doubt comes into play.

• Being credible does not mean that you cannot be flexible, vary your ideas or even head in alternative directions. That thread of credibility is all about being true to yourself and to others being authentic and human at the same time.

• There is nothing more comforting and reassuring than connecting to a credible person. In the fast-moving world that is ever changing for your developing child, how satisfying to feel that you their parents can be trustworthy and reliable when so much around them is shifting directions. You remain the axis upon which they gravitate.

By nature of being a parent you are invited to present such fine qualities as credibility and trust to your child. Never underestimate that such an opportunity is also all about developing yourself as a fully rounded, emotionally intelligent person. Like it or not parenting forces us to grow up!

‘To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.’

                                                                             -George MacDonald

Managing children’s behaviour.

There is much to say about this topic but this article is to simply give you a broadsheet, a quick summary of what helps in the area of better management at home.

Firstly and no surprise, a child needs to live in a home that is a positive space and at all times, friendly. Here the child needs to really feel at home and it is a safe place where they get lots of positive encouragement and praise for good behaviour. Teachers are similarly aware that providing such a climate in the classroom gives children a feeling of being valued and wanting to learn. There is nothing more enjoyable than seeing a happy classroom in action.

The household should have clear rules and be a place where the child can see you, the parent living by the standards you set for them. The home is an important place of modelling for parents. The rules and values you live by should be evident in the home and form a good example for your child.

The home should be a stable place and provide emotional and physical security for the child. Never underestimate that the home is a safe haven for your child as they grow and deal with outside shifting and challenging life matters. The home is a place of physical and mental respite and one in which a child can be themselves.

Setting up regular patterns such as mealtime, bedtimes and other routines are important and provide consistency for the child. Of course, you will get objections from time to time but such challenges are normal, especially as the child grows and sees other models outside the home. Just as they grow you also need to adjust and modify rules to suit your growing child. Here I specifically refer to the importance of being flexible.

Create a home environment where the child feels they have a voice and that you see them as a legitimate person with evolving opinions, ideas and values. Be inclusive in your conversations with them and they will learn to see themselves as valid family members.  Their voice is important no matter what the age.

Teachers know that their classroom will generate much learning and stimulus if they provide an open and inviting style of classroom.  They know that they need to be consistent and authentic to get the best from their class.  It is amazing how such a climate can influence a child’s performance.

Finally, you will manage your child’s behaviour well if you are an approachable parent, a good listener, intuitive in what to challenge and in what to let go.

A wise parent knows that it is all about enabling your child to grow in different ways as opposed to overmanaging them.

‘There is no such thing as a perfect parent so just be a real one.’

Sue Atkins

Boys and education

Educating boys is a wonderful exercise but it comes with its challenges.

Do any of the following statements ring true with you:

Are we asking our boys to?

Teaching and Raising Boys

• Sit still.

• Listen with intent.

• Be less aggressive when upset.

• Be more stable in their emotions.

• Manage their testosterone better.

• Be interested for longer periods of time.

• Be less noisy.

• Respond when spoken to.

• Show more interest in education.

• Be less distracted.

The list goes on as we think about how educating boys and bringing them up is thwart with difficulties and challenges. My response is a simple one. I just loved teaching and working with boys. In fact, if given the choice I would have loved facilitating a school of boys. They are just the most remarkable and interesting young people to teach. Let’s think about these observations that I acquired in my work with boys.

• I found boys loved learning with passion when they found something they enjoyed. Yes, it was hard to engage them with general material, but once the passion was there, the learning was extensive and at that point, boys really concentrate, stay focussed and even sit still!

• Boys will naturally get angry and their fighting at times can be quite spontaneous, very physical, noisy, most unattractive and unacceptable. However, they move on quickly once they deal with their anger and face consequences. Amazingly mateship and forgiveness come quickly. Boys don’t seem to harbour long, negative memories and are quite prepared to shake hands and move on.

• If you build a relationship with boys, they will open up and talk more freely. Once trust is built with a boy, you will find they will talk more openly to you. Otherwise, they can be cautious in disclosing their feelings and particularly closed about emotional matters. Keeping feelings closed is not mentally healthy for boys.

• Sensitivity is another important aspect of growing boys. Their behaviour at times may not seem to depict sensitivity, but they are very sensitive by nature and need caring at this level. We want our boys to be treated with sensitivity to learn how to display sensitivity.

• Often people notice that boys generally learn or seem slower in their learning to girls especially in the early years. It is a biological fact they are generally not as developed physically, intellectually and emotionally as the girls, which means that setting expectations for them in the early years as with the girls is not a success. They certainly accelerate in early teens, which also requires giving them emotional and breathing space, as they grow into young men.

• A boy learns so much from solid modelling from their parents and especially from their father. They learn by observation and will seek out models that they can identify with comfortably. Never underestimate that how you communicate with your boy influences how they present themselves to others.

• Friendships and peer relations can have an impact on how boys manage themselves. Be accepting and open to their friendships and show that you trust their judgement in forming friends.

• Set boundaries that are clear and reasonable. Clarity with boys is very important. From time to time you may need to negotiate a change with those boundaries.

• Of course, being active and involved in sports is such an important part of a boy’s life. They need to be active and teachers often find that teaching them in short sharp bursts is the best way for their learning. Physical activity and especially working in teams, is such a healthy way of life. It gives them balance to be active as well as passive.

 Above all enjoy your boy. Accept that they are quite different in how they approach the world to our growing girls. Do not necessarily set the same expectations for them as girls and celebrate all the quirky and interesting facets of your son that you discover. When you see behaviour that is unappealing, remember that you love the boy and the behaviour will pass. Your acceptance of them for who they are, will pay dividends as they grow into happy, capable young men.

‘I realise that despite my tiredness, my son has the most fun when I do things his way-wild and loud. Go Big or go home.’

@ powerful mothering.com