Why Listening to Your Child Makes All the Difference

In the rush of daily life, school drop-offs, dinner prep, work emails, it’s easy to hear our children without truly listening. But the difference between the two is powerful.

When you really listen to your child, not while looking at your phone or thinking about your next task, but with full attention, you send a clear message: You matter. Your thoughts are important. I see you. My thoughts are secondary.

Here’s what effective listening looks like:

• Pause what you're doing and make eye contact.

• Reflect back what they’ve said: “It sounds like you felt left out at lunch today.”

• Resist the urge to jump in with solutions. Sometimes they just need a listener.

When you listen well:

• You will understand your child more deeply.

• You will feel better connected to them.

• They will feel more invited into conversations.

• You will enjoy your child more for what they really have to say.

Children who feel heard are more likely to talk, open up, and even cooperate more readily. In tough moments, your calm attention can be so powerful.

So today, take five minutes to listen with your whole self. You might be surprised at what your child has been waiting to tell you.

Raise a Hopeful Child: The Power of a Proactive Parent

As parents, we often find ourselves reacting to moods, meltdowns, lost lunchboxes, and unexpected worries. What if, instead of reacting, we became proactive in shaping the way our children see the world?

Taking a proactive stand isn’t just about routines and boundaries (though those matter). It’s about becoming a quiet architect of your child’s mindset, helping them build resilience, hope, and the ability to look for opportunity even in tough times.

Why Proactive Parenting Matters for Mental Health

Children’s mental health isn’t only about what goes wrong, anxiety, sadness, or stress but about what’s built up before those moments. A proactive approach gives your child tools to handle life before it overwhelms them. It's a map through the storm. A positive outlook in a parent is very catchy with their child.

1. Speak the Language of Possibility

Children are always listening. Every time we say, “That’s too hard,” they absorb that as truth. But if we say, “Let’s try,” or “We’ll figure it out,” we are teaching them to hope. Anything is possible is the motto.

Try this:

Instead of: “Maths is hard, isn’t it?”

Say: “This looks tricky, but let’s see what we can do.”

Over time, your child starts to think, “I can try,” rather than, “I’m stuck.”

2. Name Strengths, Not Just Struggles

It’s easy to focus on what children aren’t doing — not sitting still, not finishing homework, not listening. But if we call out what is working, we help them see themselves as capable.

Example:

“You really kept going, even when that puzzle was frustrating. That’s called perseverance. It’s a brilliant strength.” Naming the good makes it grow. Be an opportunist, spot the strengths.

3. Model Hope, Even in Small Things

If your child sees you problem-solve calmly, laugh at mistakes, and stay optimistic, they’re more likely to do the same. Be authentic when dealing with your child.

For instance:

When plans change unexpectedly, say:

“Well, that’s not what we thought would happen! Let’s make a Plan B.”

This shows them that life doesn’t have to go perfectly to go well.

4. Ask Empowering Questions

When your child is upset, don’t rush in with solutions. Instead, invite them to think.

• “What do you think we could try next?”

• “What helped last time?”

• “If your friend felt like this, what would you say to them?”

These questions grow problem-solving skills and emotional confidence.

What’s the Takeaway?

Being proactive isn’t about being perfect. It’s about planting seeds of courage, optimism, and hope in the everyday moments. It’s small words, quiet praise, and helping your child look ahead instead of feeling stuck.

“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.”

— Helen Keller

Raising a Confident Child in Today’s Classroom: 5 Surprising Ways Parents Can Help

Let’s face it: school can be a confidence minefield. Whether it’s answering a question in front of the class, navigating friendship drama, or simply speaking up when they need help, many children hold back, often because they don’t believe in themselves and they are just not socially sure of themselves.

As a parent, you’re in the perfect position to quietly build that belief. Confidence needs to be lived, practised, and grown like a muscle.

Here are 5 innovative, real-world ideas to help your child grow in confidence at school and beyond.

1. Let Your Child Be the Expert (at Home and in Public)

Why it works: When children teach something, they feel powerful and valued. Explaining ideas helps them process and internalize knowledge, and boosts their confidence to speak out in class.

Try this:

• Ask your child to explain a concept they’re learning like fractions, life cycles, or even a new word and record a mini “teaching video” for a grandparent or cousin.

• Out in the world? Ask them to order the food, check the train times, or explain a museum exhibit to you like they’re your tour guide.

The more they hear their own voice doing real life activities in a responsible way the more they grow sure of themselves.

2. Schedule One “Mini Risk” a Week

Why it works: Confidence comes from doing, especially things that feel a bit uncomfortable. Regular small challenges build resilience and trust in their own ability.

Try this:

Make a “Mini Risk Jar” with your child. Fill it with fun, doable dares:

• Ask a new friend to play

• Try a new club

• Put your hand up once a day

• Present a joke at dinner

• Talk about any risks you have taken recently.

Celebrate attempts, not outcomes. Praise the trying, not the success. Comment on the effort made and how this is successful.

3. Ditch “Be Confident”. Say This Instead

Why it works: “Be confident” is vague. Kids need tools. Swapping language helps them link confidence to specific actions.

Try this:

Replace “Be confident” with:

• “Speak like you’re helping someone understand”

• “Stand like a superhero, feet planted, eyes up”

• “Remember, your voice is a gift”

Real story: A dad told his son, “Stand like Spider-Man before he saves the day.” The next morning, the boy stood taller during show-and-tell and actually smiled.

4. Let Them Hear You Fail (and Bounce Back)

Why it works: Children often believe adults are always right, always perfect. When you model what it looks like to get something wrong and keep going, you give them permission to do the same. Be authentic and let them see the real you with warts and all.

Try this:

• Talk aloud about your mistakes: “I totally messed up that email but here’s how I fixed it.”

• Share how you felt, what you did next, and how you kept perspective.

“I told my son about how I froze during a meeting. He said, ‘That’s like when I forgot my line in the play!’ Suddenly, we were teammates.”

5. Confidence Grows in the Quiet, Too

Why it works: Not all confidence is loud. Some children shine by preparing quietly and leading gently. That’s not shyness, it’s strength.

Try this:

• Create “backstage” confidence moments: help them prep for a class talk with cue cards or rehearse a social scenario with stuffed animals.

• Praise thoughtful acts: “You noticed Ella was left out. That’s real leadership.”

• Remind them: confidence isn’t always about being first, it’s about being ready.

• Affirm those quiet moments when you notice behaviour that is helpful to others.

A Final Word

Confidence is not a personality trait—it’s a learnt skill. And like any skill, it grows best with practice, praise, and patience. Every child will be different in how they show confidence and for some it is a slow, steady progress. We need to be patient.

You don’t need to push your child to be the loudest, the fastest, or the most outgoing. You just need to show them they’re seen, heard, and capable, especially when they doubt it. Let them develop their voice in their own time.

Start small. Celebrate progress. And trust that each brave step they take, no matter how tiny, is shaping a stronger future.

Helping Your Child Find Balance in their busy life

As parents, we want our children to thrive but sometimes, we accidentally give them too much. Too many clubs, too many lessons, too much screen time, or even too much pressure to “succeed.” The result? Stressed-out children who don’t know how to stop, breathe, or just be. In fact they can feel inadequate if they are not constantly in action. Classrooms are places where children learn how to balance the day between work and play.

But balance is something we can teach. Home life can be built around balance for a child.

Consider:

Spot the Imbalance

Start by observing your child’s week. Are they always rushing from one thing to the next? Is there time in their day for:

• Rest?

• Play (the unstructured, silly, no-goal kind)?

• Movement?

• Stillness?

• Time with you?

How about introducing a nothing day. Here your child can be creative, be still or enjoy not being accountable.

Teach the “Juggle” with Jars

Children are visual. Try this at home:

• Take three jars. Label them Work, Play, and Rest.

• Give your child 10 marbles (or buttons).

• Ask them to drop the marbles into the jars to show how they spent their day.

Most children will drop them all into “Work” (school, homework, chores) and “Play” (devices, sports). "Rest" is often forgotten.

Talk about it:

What could go into the "Rest" jar? Reading a quiet book? Drawing? Sitting in the garden? You’ll be surprised how much this simple activity gets them thinking and talking.

Model the Balance

Children copy what they see. If you never rest, they won’t think it’s allowed. If you always check your phone while talking to them, they learn to do the same.

Try this:

• Announce you're going for a 10-minute walk “to reset your brain.”

• Sit with a cup of tea and say, “I need a moment of quiet today.”

• Say “no” to something and explain why.

It doesn’t have to be perfect it just has to be real. Let them see how just being you is a comfortable space to live in.

Make “Bored” a Good Word

When your child says, “I’m bored,” don’t rush to fix it. Boredom is the starting block for being creative and problem-solving. Let them simply be bored for a while.

Example:

Jack (9) whined for half an hour that there was “nothing to do” one Sunday. His parents didn’t react. Ten minutes later, he’d turned the sofa into a pirate ship with a tea towel on his head.

Boredom worked. A child needs that kind of time to slow down their overthinking and just let it happen.

Balance Looks Different for Every Child

Some kids need quiet to recharge; others need movement. Some love a packed schedule; others melt under pressure. Every child is different and if you have more than one child I am sure you have noticed that already!

Ask regularly:

• “Are you enjoying what you’re doing?”

• “Is there something you’d like to do less of?”

• “Do you feel tired or happy at the end of the day?”

Make sure they are not trying to be overactive to simply prove how capable they are. You love them for just being them. This may mean that the pace is varied for different children in the family.

Balance is a Gift

Balance isn’t about getting everything right. It’s about giving our children the tools to check in with themselves, make choices, and build a life that works for them. It’s not just a childhood skill, it’s a life skill. When a child likes the balance in their life they can really savour different aspects of their world. For example, rest and recreation is as valuable as high level activity.

Letting Go a Little: Why Gradual Independence Matters for Your Child’s Growth

One of the hardest parts of parenting is knowing when to step back. We want to keep our children safe, happy, and successful, and sometimes that means we hold on too tightly and are frightened of them making mistakes. We need to start giving them gradual independence, little by little, day by day, even though some of this independence will mean making mistakes which can be upsetting.

We are not leaving them to figure things out alone. It means letting them try, stumble, learn, and succeed with our support, not our control. They learn to know we are there when really needed. If they think we are about control, they will step back and lose interest.

Why Does Gradual Independence Matter?

In today’s world, it can feel risky to let children do things on their own. However it is more risky not to enable your child to cope with the real world and to rely on others to solve problems. There’s pressure to protect them from failure, frustration, and even boredom. But the truth is:

✅ Children learn by doing, not by watching.

✅ Confidence comes from experience, not praise alone.

✅ Resilience is built through overcoming small challenges.

Gradually gaining independence awakens in the child a wonderful sense of personal satisfaction and confidence. It is quite liberating!

Real-Life Examples of Where It Matters

1. Getting Ready for School

It might be quicker (and tidier!) to pack their bag, zip their coat, and butter their toast. But every time we take over, we take away a learning opportunity.

💡 Instead:

Teach them how to check a simple morning list: bag packed, lunchbox in, coat on, shoes by the door. It’ll take patience at first, but it pays off fast, and they’ll feel proud doing it themselves.

2. Friendships and Play

If your child says, “He won’t play with me,” it’s tempting to jump in and fix it. But these small moments are chances to learn negotiation, sharing, and handling disappointment.

💡 Instead:

Ask questions like: “What could you try next time?” or “How do you think he felt?” Help them think through solutions but let them do the talking.

3. Homework and Learning

You want your child to succeed, so it’s natural to sit beside them and guide every step. But they need to learn how to think, not just how to get the answer. This may involve learning from mistakes.

💡 Instead:

Support them to plan their time, set up a quiet space, and check their own work. You’re building independence and responsibility. Homework is also the responsibility of the school and child, not the parent.

4. Problem Solving

From a forgotten jumper to a missed club, let children experience small consequences safely.

💡 Instead:

If they forget something, avoid racing to school with it. Next time, they’ll remember. These low stakes “failures” teach responsibility better than lectures ever could.

What Gets in the Way?

• Fear of failure: We worry a mistake will hurt their confidence, but small stumbles teach big lessons.

• Time pressure: Life is busy, and doing it ourselves is faster, but it delays learning.

• Wanting to protect: We want to shield them from discomfort, but facing challenges with our support grows courage. Children want to feel in control.

How to Start Giving Gradual Independence

Think of it like riding a bike:

1. You hold the saddle.

2. You run beside them.

3. You let go... but stay nearby.

4. You cheer them on even if they wobble.

Every step tells them:

“You’re capable. I believe in you. I feel very happy when I see you showing independence.”

Final Thought: Independence Isn’t the End of Parenting, It’s Part of It

Gradual independence actually brings your child closer to you. It’s about walking beside them while they grow stronger legs. When we give children the space to try, we give them the chance to thrive, and they value the gradual freedom you give them.

So let go, just a little, and watch what they can do. See how creative and confident they become as they happily take charge of their own life.

Have a positive outlook with your child. It's great for strengthening mental health.

Try to maintain a positive outlook with your child. The less they see and feel the pressures that can mount at home, the more content they will be. What a wonderful outcome if your child remembers their home life as happy and peaceful.

The illustrations below are all about developing good life skills around your child that will support a happy environment with your child.

Consider:

Acknowledge all the efforts

• Example: When your child studies hard but doesn’t get a perfect score, say, “I’m so proud of how much effort you put in. That’s what really matters!”

Reason: Focusing on effort encourages a growth mindset, which helps children view challenges as opportunities for growth rather than reasons to feel defeated.

• Acknowledge Their Feelings

Example: If your child is upset, try saying, “I can see you’re really sad about this. Let’s talk it through together.”

Reason: Validating their emotions instead of dismissing them teaches children that all feelings are normal and manageable. This approach helps them build emotional intelligence and feel comfortable expressing themselves.

• Use Positive Language When Discussing Mistakes

Example: If your child spills something, say, “No big deal! Let’s clean it up together.”

Reason: Framing mistakes as learning moments rather than failures helps children see that they can recover from setbacks, reducing fear of failure and building resilience.

• Express Genuine Interest in Their Day

Example: When your child comes home, ask, “What was the best part of your day?”

Reason: Showing consistent interest in their lives helps them feel valued, which strengthens their self-worth and builds trust, both essential for mental health.

• Model Optimism and Problem-Solving

Example: If plans change, say, “Looks like we have to change things, but I bet we’ll have a great time with the new plan!”

Reason: Children who see positive coping strategies from their parents are more likely to develop these habits themselves, leading to a stronger ability to handle stress and adapt to challenges.

In each of these ways, a positive approach reinforces a child’s belief in themselves, improves their ability to manage emotions, and provides tools for handling life’s ups and downs. This combination forms a strong foundation for good mental health as they grow.

“A positive outlook always lightens moods and brings in hope.”

— Gail J Smith

Teach your child to like themselves

One of the keys to success is to accept and like who you are. A child needs to believe that they deserve to be treated well and that they deserve good things in their life. They need to nurture the belief that they are as good as anyone else. It takes time for a child to mature into really recognizing their own value so start early as a a parent in teaching them their worth.

Here are five reasons why parents need to teach their children to like and accept themselves, along with examples of how they can do it:

1. Builds Confidence

When children learn to accept themselves, they become more confident in their abilities and decisions. For example, if a child feels unsure about their looks or talents, parents can remind them of their strengths and help them embrace their uniqueness. Complimenting their efforts, not just results, can help reinforce this.

2. Develops Emotional Resilience

Self-acceptance helps children cope better with challenges and failures. Parents can encourage this by framing mistakes as learning opportunities. For instance, if a child doesn’t win a competition, remind them it’s okay to fail sometimes and that they still have value regardless of the outcome.

3. Promotes Healthy Relationships

Children who accept themselves are more likely to build strong, positive relationships because they don’t rely on others for validation. Parents can encourage healthy relationships by teaching their children not to compare themselves to others and to value friends who respect them for who they are.

4. Reduces Anxiety and Stress

When children are comfortable with who they are, they feel less pressure to meet unrealistic expectations. Parents can help by reassuring their children that they don’t have to be perfect. For example, if a child is stressed about grades, parents can focus on the effort and improvement rather than demanding perfection.

5. Fosters Independence and Decision-Making

Self-accepting children trust themselves and their instincts, leading to better decision-making. Parents can nurture this by allowing children to make age-appropriate choices, like choosing their clothes or hobbies, while guiding them gently without taking control. This shows them that their opinions matter. By teaching self-acceptance, parents provide their children with the emotional tools they need to lead happier, more fulfilling lives.

As the parent show your child how your life reflects treating yourself with dignity and nurture. Your lifestyle and self-management will be watched carefully by your child.

“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will makes them successful human beings.”

— It's a lovely life.com

Teach your child to set goals. It is a great life skill.

Sometimes the thought of setting up goals can be daunting. If however, you teach your child to start small and build up slowly, their expectations will grow steadily and they will gradually see the fruits of their labour. Once feeling success from setting goals the interest grows in setting up more goals.

Here are some suggestions to help your child in this area. The examples are helpful to put goal setting in context.

Start Small

Encourage setting small, achievable goals to build confidence.

• Example: "This week, let's try to clean up your toys every day before dinner."

Lead by Example

Show them how you set and achieve your own goals.

• Example: "I want to read one book this month. What goal can you set for yourself?"

Break Big Goals into Steps

Teach them to divide larger goals into manageable tasks.

• Example: "You want to finish your school project. Let's start by gathering materials today."

Celebrate Progress

Recognize and reward efforts to keep motivation high.

• Example: "You practised piano for 10 minutes every day this week—let's celebrate with a special treat!"

Make Goals Fun

Turn goal-setting into a game or challenge.

• Example: "Let’s see if you can improve your running time by 10 seconds each week. We'll keep track together!"

Teach Reflection

Encourage them to think about what worked and what didn't after achieving (or not achieving) their goal.

• Example: "You finished your book! How did breaking it into chapters help you reach your goal?"

Encourage Long-term Goals

Help them think ahead and set goals that take longer to achieve.

• Example: "You want to learn to ride a bike without training wheels. Let’s practice for 15 minutes every day."

Provide Support and Guidance

Offer help without doing it for them, so they feel ownership of their goals.

• Example: "I'll help you study for your spelling test, but you can choose the words you need to practice."

In simple ways you can use goals setting as a way of life. The more your child grows independent of relying less on others and more on themselves, the more they are inclined to set their own goals with confidence.

“Be a goal setter in your own life and see how your child will easily adapt to such habits.”

— Gail J Smith

What lessons in life do you want to teach your children?

There are many lessons we teach our children, but some should have more reticence than others for our children to have happy well-balanced lives. Consider the five lessons below and it may be worth reflecting on how we teach our children these lessons.

Kindness Matters

• Lesson: Always treat others with kindness and respect, no matter the situation.

• How Taught: You've modelled kindness in your own interactions, showing empathy and compassion in everyday situations, whether it's helping a neighbour or speaking politely to strangers.

Be True to Yourself

• Lesson: Stay true to who you are, even when it's difficult. Your uniqueness is your strength.

• How Taught: You've encouraged your child to pursue their passions and supported them in making choices that align with their values, even if those choices are different from the norm.

Learn from Mistakes

• Lesson: Mistakes are part of life. Learn from them and keep moving forward.

• How Taught: You've shared your own mistakes openly and discussed what you learned from them. You've also reassured your child that it’s okay to fail, as long as they try again.

Hard Work Pays Off

• Lesson: Success comes from hard work and perseverance, not just luck.

• How Taught: You've demonstrated a strong work ethic, whether through your job or personal projects, and involved your child in tasks that require effort and patience, showing them the value of dedication.

Take Care of Yourself

• Lesson: Your well-being is important. Take care of your mind and body.

• How Taught: You've prioritized self-care in your own life, whether through exercise, healthy eating, or taking time to relax. You’ve also encouraged your child to express their feelings and take breaks when needed.

It is amazing what a child takes into their life from their childhood. Your efforts need be no more than being authentic and sharing your life with your child. Best to make it worthwhile for both you and your child.

“Leave your child with memories of a happy, well-balanced childhood. It pays dividends for them in their older life.”

— Gail J Smith

Be Present for your child. It supports their mental Health

Being present for your child is one of the most impactful things you can do as a parent.

Here are five outstanding reasons why your presence is crucial, particularly for your child’s mental health:

Emotional Security and Trust

• When parents are consistently present, children feel secure knowing that they have a reliable support system. This sense of security forms the foundation for trust, which is essential for healthy emotional development.

• Mental Health Impact: A secure attachment with parents reduces anxiety and stress, fostering resilience and emotional stability.

Building Self-Esteem

• Parental presence, through active engagement and positive reinforcement, helps children develop a strong sense of self-worth. They feel valued when their parents show interest in their thoughts, feelings, and activities.

• Mental Health Impact: High self-esteem is closely linked to lower rates of depression and anxiety. Children who feel good about themselves are more likely to take on challenges and develop healthy social relationships.

Role Modelling Positive Behaviour

• Children learn by observing their parents. When parents are present, they can model positive behaviours such as empathy, patience, and problem-solving skills, which children are likely to emulate.

• Mental Health Impact: Positive role modelling helps children develop healthy coping mechanisms and social skills, reducing the likelihood of developing mental health issues related to poor interpersonal relationships.

Supporting Emotional Expression

• Being present allows parents to create a safe space for their children to express their emotions. When children know they can share their feelings without judgement, they learn to process emotions in a healthy way.

• Mental Health Impact: This open communication reduces the risk of emotional repression, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges later in life.

Enhancing Cognitive Development

• Active involvement in your child’s learning and development—through play, reading, or helping with homework—stimulates their cognitive growth. It also encourages a love for learning and curiosity.

• Mental Health Impact: Cognitive stimulation and a positive learning environment reduce stress and anxiety related to school and social pressures. This, in turn, promotes a healthier mental state and a more positive outlook on life.

You can be present with your child in many and varied ways. It does not require perfection but simple healthy, regular engagement with your child nourishes their spirit and sense of well being.

“Enjoy the moments with your child. They become hours, days and fruitful years.”

— Gail J Smith

Never Underestimate How Important You Are To Your Child At Any Age

How easy it is to forget the value that our children place on us. At times we feel their trust and love have diminished but it actually hibernates for a while as they grow through different stages. Our children are on a mission from childbirth to be independent and that journey can often challenge their relationship with us. However, their great desire is ultimately to take us with them into adulthood. The thoughts below are an excellent reminder of how valuable we are to our children.

• Parents are the original Google. They answer endless questions about the world, from why the sky is blue to why you can't have ice cream for breakfast (even though they secretly wish they could too).

• No matter how many times you "decorate" the walls with crayons or bring home a pet frog, parents love you anyway. They're the ultimate cheerleaders, always in your corner.

• Parents show you how to be an adult. From tying your shoes to filing taxes, they model the art of surviving and thriving in the grown-up world. Plus, they’re living proof that yes, you can survive without a nap.

• Parents are like a safety net in a circus act. When life gets wobbly, they're there to catch you, dust you off, and send you back into the ring, with a little more wisdom each time.

• Whether it's a skinned knee or a broken heart, parents are the go-to fixers. They're like emotional band-aids, always ready to make the hurt feel a little less painful with a hug or a cookie.

• Parents teach you the difference between right and wrong, like why it's not okay to swipe your sibling's dessert (even if they weren't eating it fast enough).

• From cooking a meal to changing a tyre, parents equip you with the skills you need to navigate life. They're the original DIY experts, minus the YouTube tutorials.

• Parents can be surprisingly fun. They tell the best (or worst) jokes, make silly faces, and sometimes dance in the kitchen like no one is watching, even when everyone is.

Every now and again, when you feel the fatigue of parenting or think that you are making no difference, keep in mind that parenting is a long-haul process. It is not so much geared to short-term success, but it is more about the ongoing support and unconditional love you show them.

If you are emotionally and physically present for your child, you are a parent with impact.

Gail J Smith

Helping our children to love reading

The world our children live in today is filled with so much stimulus from television and so many forms of entertainment on social media platforms. It is no wonder reading from a book can seem so mundane and boring. It can be a challenge to excite and motivate some children and therefore not an easy task for parents.

Here are some ideas to encourage and stimulate your child’s interest in reading. We all need to eat a balanced diet and in this case our children need that balanced diet between books and other forms of entertainment.

Consider:

• Create a Cosy Reading Nook: Designate a special, comfortable spot in the house just for reading. It should be well lit and very inviting to the child. Fill it with soft cushions, good lighting, and a variety of books. Only use it for this purpose.

• Model Reading Behaviour: Let your children see you reading regularly. This sets a positive example and shows that reading is an enjoyable activity. Leave a few books scattered around the house. This gives a strong message that reading is encouraged.

• Start a Family Book Club: Choose a book to read together as a family and discuss it. This can be a fun way to bond and share insights about the story. Perhaps it can be read over dinner. This could become a family ritual to read together.

• Incorporate Reading into Daily Routines: Integrate reading into everyday activities, such as reading a recipe while cooking, signs while driving, or instructions for a game. Encourage your child to do the reading and to give you guidance from what they have read.

• Visit Libraries and Bookstores: Make trips to the library or bookstore a regular family outing. Let your children explore and pick out books that interest them. Spend time together just browsing.

• Read Aloud Together: Take turns reading aloud with your child. This can make reading a shared, enjoyable experience and help with their fluency and expression. Also talk about the story together as you each read a section.

• Use Technology Wisely: Leverage e-books and reading apps if your child is tech-savvy. Interactive and animated e-books can be particularly engaging for younger children.

• Offer a Variety of Reading Materials: Provide access to different genres and types of reading materials - comics, graphic novels, magazines, and newspapers can be just as valuable as traditional books. It is all about the enjoyment of reading. Take care not to influence their preferences.

• Set Reading Goals and Rewards: Create a fun reading challenge with rewards for meeting goals, such as stickers for each book read or a special treat after finishing a certain number of books. Celebrate the reading of books in the family.

• Create a Reading Schedule: Designate a specific time each day for reading. Consistency can help make reading a habit.

• Connect Books with Interests: Find books that align with your child's hobbies and interests. If they love dinosaurs, get them dinosaur books; if they’re into space, find books about astronauts and planets.

• Encourage Storytelling: Have your child create their own stories. This can spark an interest in reading as they see the connection between storytelling and books. Invite them to simply make up stories and enjoy listening to them.

• Make Reading Interactive: Ask questions about the story, make predictions, and relate the content to your child’s experiences. Engaging with the text makes it more enjoyable and meaningful.

• Celebrate Authors and Illustrators: Learn about the people behind the books. Sometimes knowing about the author's or illustrator's life can spark a deeper interest in their work.

If your family is a reading family then it may be an easier process for your child to read with ease and pleasure. Sometimes less motivated children do need a push and to set up routines so that they learn the habit of reading in one form or another. A child exposed to books will at some point come to value reading.

“We read to know we are not alone.”

— C S Lewis

The best way to influence your child is through modelling

When you build a strong relationship with your child you have a greater capacity to influence them in a healthy way. This is such a positive way of effectively passing on your values and beliefs in a safe and reliable way. Children particularly model after admired adults. Think about your childhood. Were you strongly influenced by adults that you admired and respected?

Let’s consider why modelling is such an effective way of influencing our children without using power or other means that certainly don't have a long life.

• There are few risks in damaging your relationship with your child. By modelling what you believe in you are not directly or adversely attempting to change the child. You are just being yourself.

• Your modelling is how you live and what you value. The child can see how happy it makes you and how you enjoy living by your standards.

• When you model some behaviour that puts you in a certain direction it demonstrates your convictions. For example, if you believe in a clean house, a clear message is being sent to your child that cleanliness is important in your life.

• Being credible is important. Sticking by your convictions sends a very clear message to your child that being rock solid in beliefs is important.

• The effects of modelling may take years. Be patient with your child, who will want to experiment with change along the way.

• The advantage of modelling is that you are not using power to influence your child. You are just demonstrating that how you live is an acceptable way to operate. In this way your relationship continues to grow. The use of power can result in the rejection of you as a model.

• Modelling is all about the longer-term effect for the child. You want them to reflect positively on your model when they are adults making their own decisions. Of course, being another generation there may be a few twists and turns to your influences but none the less they will be useful if valued.

• Modelling well is not about being perfect. Just be authentic around your child. They know our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. What they observe is how we handle them.

Finally, never underestimate your capacity to influence your child in the longer term. However, once we use power to exercise and influence, we can damage our relationship and cloud our ability to be of value to your child.

“Be yourself, true and honest to your child. That makes them feel safe and happy.”

— Gail J Smith