Raise a Hopeful Child: The Power of a Proactive Parent
Tired of always reacting to meltdowns and lost lunchboxes? What if you could shape how your child sees the world instead? In this blog, we explore how small, proactive steps can build resilience and boost your child’s mental health.
As parents, we often find ourselves reacting to moods, meltdowns, lost lunchboxes, and unexpected worries. What if, instead of reacting, we became proactive in shaping the way our children see the world?
Taking a proactive stand isn’t just about routines and boundaries (though those matter). It’s about becoming a quiet architect of your child’s mindset, helping them build resilience, hope, and the ability to look for opportunity even in tough times.
Why Proactive Parenting Matters for Mental Health
Children’s mental health isn’t only about what goes wrong, anxiety, sadness, or stress but about what’s built up before those moments. A proactive approach gives your child tools to handle life before it overwhelms them. It's a map through the storm. A positive outlook in a parent is very catchy with their child.
1. Speak the Language of Possibility
Children are always listening. Every time we say, “That’s too hard,” they absorb that as truth. But if we say, “Let’s try,” or “We’ll figure it out,” we are teaching them to hope. Anything is possible is the motto.
Try this:
Instead of: “Maths is hard, isn’t it?”
Say: “This looks tricky, but let’s see what we can do.”
Over time, your child starts to think, “I can try,” rather than, “I’m stuck.”
2. Name Strengths, Not Just Struggles
It’s easy to focus on what children aren’t doing — not sitting still, not finishing homework, not listening. But if we call out what is working, we help them see themselves as capable.
Example:
“You really kept going, even when that puzzle was frustrating. That’s called perseverance. It’s a brilliant strength.” Naming the good makes it grow. Be an opportunist, spot the strengths.
3. Model Hope, Even in Small Things
If your child sees you problem-solve calmly, laugh at mistakes, and stay optimistic, they’re more likely to do the same. Be authentic when dealing with your child.
For instance:
When plans change unexpectedly, say:
“Well, that’s not what we thought would happen! Let’s make a Plan B.”
This shows them that life doesn’t have to go perfectly to go well.
4. Ask Empowering Questions
When your child is upset, don’t rush in with solutions. Instead, invite them to think.
• “What do you think we could try next?”
• “What helped last time?”
• “If your friend felt like this, what would you say to them?”
These questions grow problem-solving skills and emotional confidence.
What’s the Takeaway?
Being proactive isn’t about being perfect. It’s about planting seeds of courage, optimism, and hope in the everyday moments. It’s small words, quiet praise, and helping your child look ahead instead of feeling stuck.
“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.”
"I Just Don’t Know How to Help!" – A Parent’s Guide to Coping When School Gets Tough
Let’s take a closer look at how to gently support your child when school becomes a challenge. With slow, steady support, regular check-ins, and working through the ups and downs together, you’ll be showing them the kind of care that builds trust and resilience. Let’s break it down and explore how you can navigate this journey together.
Being a parent isn’t easy at the best of times, but when your child is upset about school or you’re worried they’re falling behind, it can feel overwhelming. You might wonder: Should I speak to the teacher? Should I push harder or back off? What if I make it worse?
You're not alone. Many parents feel this way. Let’s talk about what to do when school feels difficult for your child and for you.
Start with Listening
When a child says, “I hate school,” or “I’m bad at reading,” our instinct is often to jump in with reassurance or solutions. But first, just listen. Give them your full attention even just 5 minutes of focused listening can unlock what’s really going on.
Try saying:
• “I am wondering how school went today.”
• “That sounds tough. I’d feel upset too.”
Remember this is not about giving them the answers. At this stage it is simply listening and feeling their concern.
Break the Problem Into Small Pieces
Big school problems often have small, manageable parts. Once your child feels heard, you can gently help them name the problem.
Example issues:
• “I don’t get maths” might actually mean “I got stuck on subtraction.”
• “No one likes me” might mean “Two friends wouldn’t play with me today.”
Help your child zoom in. Small problems are easier to talk about and easier to solve. For the child at the time, they seem insurmountable.
Make a Simple Action Plan (Together)
Children feel more confident when they’re part of the solution. They need to feel ownership of the issue. Once you've listened and broken the problem down, brainstorm one small step together.
Examples of action steps:
• Practising reading at home to build confidence
• Writing a short note to the teacher about a worry
• Role-playing what to say to a friend at playtime
For you: Don’t hesitate to send a quick message to the teacher. A simple, kind email like “My child is a bit anxious about PE. Any suggestions?” can open a helpful door.
Let Go of "Perfect"
You don’t have to be a teacher or a therapist. You don’t need perfect answers. Children don’t need perfect parents. They need present ones. Just showing up, listening, and caring makes a huge difference.
If you're trying, you're already helping. Being authentic shows the child you are really wanting to help.
Some Reassurance
Most school struggles are temporary. Children are resilient and bounce back, especially when they have a parent who’s in their corner. This is not about solving the problem for them but being there, listening and together working on solutions. If you, the parent, take full ownership of their problem, they will disengage from it and they will have learnt nothing.
Example:
Tom, age 9, was refusing to go to school. After some gentle chats, his dad realized Tom was scared about changing seats. A quick word with the teacher helped, and they worked out a solution. Within a week, Tom was back at school and smiling.
One Last Thought
When school is tough, it can feel like you're both in the storm. But storms pass. What matters most is that your child knows you're by their side..With slow and steady support, recognizing that it is a problem for them is critical to their sense of security. Working through the problem together and checking in to see how they are going is the best way to show you care.
Letting Go a Little: Why Gradual Independence Matters for Your Child’s Growth
Letting go a little doesn't mean stepping back; it means stepping alongside. Gail Smith shares how allowing our children to try, stumble, and learn with our support (not control) builds the confidence and independence they need to grow.
One of the hardest parts of parenting is knowing when to step back. We want to keep our children safe, happy, and successful, and sometimes that means we hold on too tightly and are frightened of them making mistakes. We need to start giving them gradual independence, little by little, day by day, even though some of this independence will mean making mistakes which can be upsetting.
We are not leaving them to figure things out alone. It means letting them try, stumble, learn, and succeed with our support, not our control. They learn to know we are there when really needed. If they think we are about control, they will step back and lose interest.
Why Does Gradual Independence Matter?
In today’s world, it can feel risky to let children do things on their own. However it is more risky not to enable your child to cope with the real world and to rely on others to solve problems. There’s pressure to protect them from failure, frustration, and even boredom. But the truth is:
✅ Children learn by doing, not by watching.
✅ Confidence comes from experience, not praise alone.
✅ Resilience is built through overcoming small challenges.
Gradually gaining independence awakens in the child a wonderful sense of personal satisfaction and confidence. It is quite liberating!
Real-Life Examples of Where It Matters
1. Getting Ready for School
It might be quicker (and tidier!) to pack their bag, zip their coat, and butter their toast. But every time we take over, we take away a learning opportunity.
💡 Instead:
Teach them how to check a simple morning list: bag packed, lunchbox in, coat on, shoes by the door. It’ll take patience at first, but it pays off fast, and they’ll feel proud doing it themselves.
2. Friendships and Play
If your child says, “He won’t play with me,” it’s tempting to jump in and fix it. But these small moments are chances to learn negotiation, sharing, and handling disappointment.
💡 Instead:
Ask questions like: “What could you try next time?” or “How do you think he felt?” Help them think through solutions but let them do the talking.
3. Homework and Learning
You want your child to succeed, so it’s natural to sit beside them and guide every step. But they need to learn how to think, not just how to get the answer. This may involve learning from mistakes.
💡 Instead:
Support them to plan their time, set up a quiet space, and check their own work. You’re building independence and responsibility. Homework is also the responsibility of the school and child, not the parent.
4. Problem Solving
From a forgotten jumper to a missed club, let children experience small consequences safely.
💡 Instead:
If they forget something, avoid racing to school with it. Next time, they’ll remember. These low stakes “failures” teach responsibility better than lectures ever could.
What Gets in the Way?
Fear of failure: We worry a mistake will hurt their confidence, but small stumbles teach big lessons.
Time pressure: Life is busy, and doing it ourselves is faster, but it delays learning.
Wanting to protect: We want to shield them from discomfort, but facing challenges with our support grows courage. Children want to feel in control.
How to Start Giving Gradual Independence
Think of it like riding a bike:
1. You hold the saddle.
2. You run beside them.
3. You let go... but stay nearby.
4. You cheer them on even if they wobble.
Every step tells them:
“You’re capable. I believe in you. I feel very happy when I see you showing independence.”
Final Thought: Independence Isn’t the End of Parenting, It’s Part of It
Gradual independence actually brings your child closer to you. It’s about walking beside them while they grow stronger legs. When we give children the space to try, we give them the chance to thrive, and they value the gradual freedom you give them.
So let go, just a little, and watch what they can do. See how creative and confident they become as they happily take charge of their own life.
Simple ways to help your child with their anxiety issues
Today’s children are growing up in a world filled with pressure from school demands to social media and even the stress they sense from adults. It’s no surprise that anxiety is becoming more common in younger children. The good news? We can teach them how to cope and thrive. Building resilience doesn't mean they'll never face challenges. It means they'll have the tools to bounce back, try again, and keep moving forward. And that’s one of the greatest gifts we can give them.
If you’ve ever felt like your child worries more than they should, or gets overwhelmed by small setbacks, you’re not alone. Today’s children are growing up in a world full of pressure: school demands, social media, the news, even our own stress. It's no wonder anxiety is showing up more in younger children.
However we can teach them how to be resilient,
What Does Anxiety Look Like in Young Children?
Children often don’t say “I’m anxious”, instead, it shows up in their behaviour:
They might refuse to go to school.
They complain of tummy aches with no medical cause.
They get tearful or angry when a routine changes.
They say things like, “I can’t do it” or “Everyone’s better than me.”
They become silent
Sound familiar? These are all ways that anxiety can appear in children, especially in the early years and primary school.
So, What Can Parents Do Right Now?
1. Name the Feeling
Young children often feel better just from knowing what they’re feeling has a name.
Instead of saying: “Don’t worry — it’s nothing.”
Try: “It sounds like you’re feeling a bit nervous. That’s okay — we all feel like that sometimes.”
This helps them recognize and label emotions, which is the first step in managing them.
2. Model 'Brave Behaviour'
Children learn most from what they see. If they watch you facing challenges (even small ones) with a steady attitude, they start to believe they can do the same.
For example:
“I’ve got a big presentation at work today and I feel nervous, but I’ve prepared, and I’m going to try my best.”
This shows that being nervous is normal, and that bravery means doing things even when we feel a bit scared. Show them it’s all about taking control of those nervous feelings.
3. Praise the Process, Not Just the Outcome
Instead of focusing on whether something was done perfectly, celebrate the effort.
For example:
“I saw you kept trying with that tricky puzzle. That was brilliant persistence!”
This builds a growth mindset, helping children see setbacks as part of learning, not signs of failure.
4. Small actions count
Encourage small acts of courage every day. Start with achievable steps, like putting their hand up in class, or trying a new food and celebrate them. Multiple small achievements that are praised make a big difference!
Make a “Brave Jar” at home: every time your child does something that feels brave, they get to put a marble or token in the jar. Watch it grow!
5. Create Calm Routines
Predictable routines help anxious children feel safe. Try keeping mornings calm and consistent, breakfast, brushing teeth, packing bags in the same order. Same organized routine for nigh time.
6. Watch Your Own Anxiety
Children are emotional sponges. If you’re often saying, “I’m so stressed,” or showing panic in tough situations, they will absorb that.
Take moments to breathe, pause, and model calm responses even when you’re faking it a bit. You’re teaching emotional regulation without saying a word. Try to avoid words about yourself like stress, anxious, frightened ,weak, vulnerable.
When Should You Seek Help?
If your child’s anxiety is stopping them from taking part in everyday life, refusing school regularly, withdrawing from friends, or having frequent meltdowns, it might be time to talk to the teacher, your GP, school councillor or a child therapist.
Final Thought: Bravery Grows Slowly — But It Grows
Raising a resilient child doesn’t mean they’ll never struggle. It means they’ll know how to bounce back, try again, and keep going. That’s the greatest gift we can give them. It’s called resilience.
You don’t need to have all the answers. Let them see that we are not all perfect. Just walk alongside them, name the feelings, and keep reminding them: “You’ve got this, and I’ve got you.”
“It’s not whether you get knocked down. It’s whether you get up.”
As a parent remember to listen well
Children learn by example, and when parents practice active listening, they teach valuable communication skills. When a child feels heard, they understand that their thoughts and feelings matter, building their confidence and sense of self-worth. Gail Smith shares five compelling reasons why truly listening to your child is essential for their emotional and social development.
Here are five powerful reasons why parents need to truly listen to their child, each with a sharp and effective well-being message:
Small Problems Now Prevent Big Problems Later
When kids feel heard about small worries (like a bad day at school), they’re more likely to share big issues (like bullying or anxiety) later. Dismissing small concerns teaches them their voice doesn’t matter. Sometimes they cannot decipher between what is big and little with their worries.
Listening Builds Confidence, Not Silence
A child who feels listened to learns that their thoughts and feelings are important. A constantly interrupted or dismissed child learns to stay quiet, even when they desperately need help. Being silent, they feel is a safe position.
Strong Parent-Child Bonds Reduce Anxiety
Studies show that children who feel heard by their parents develop better emotional regulation and experience less anxiety and stress. Feeling understood creates a deep sense of security. If you are heard you are more confident in yourself.
Kids Who Are Heard Become Adults Who Speak Up
When parents actively listen, kids grow up with the confidence to set boundaries, express their needs, and advocate for themselves in friendships, school, and later in life. For them, talking up is their strength.
Unspoken Feelings Don’t Disappear—They Show Up in Behaviour
When children feel ignored, their emotions often turn into anger, defiance, withdrawal, or anxiety. Listening is the first step in helping them healthily process their feelings. They need to use their voice.
Remember children learn by example and if you are a good listener to others they will see how effective this is in communicating well. If a child feels that they are being listened to, they know they are valued and that what they have to say really matters.
“Be patient when listening to your child. You will hear so much but within their talk there is an important message that will come through.”
5 TIPS TO REDUCE ANXIETY IN YOUR CHILD WHEN STARTING SCHOOL
Starting a new school year can be a big adjustment, especially for kids feeling a little nervous. As a parent, you can help ease their worries and boost their confidence with simple strategies. A smooth start sets the tone for a great year ahead! Gail Smith shows you how you can support your child through this transition.
Starting a new school year can be a big transition for many children, especially if they're nervous. Here are some tips for parents to help their child feel more confident and less anxious:
1. Familiarise Them with the School
• Why it works: New places can feel scary. Making the school feel familiar reduces the unknowns.
• Example: Walk around the school grounds together. Show them where the classrooms and toilets are. If the teacher is available, introduce them to your child.
• Story: “Last year, Mia visited her new school with her dad a week before it started. On the first day, she already knew how to find her classroom, so she felt less nervous walking in.”
2. Practise the School Routine
• Why it works: A predictable routine helps children feel prepared and in control.
• Example: One week before school starts, wake up at the time they’ll need to for school, eat breakfast, and pack a pretend lunch together. Practice leaving the house on time.
• Story: “Jason and his mum did a ‘practice day’ where they packed his backpack and walked to the bus stop. On the first day, Jason felt ready because he’d already done it once.”
3. Role-Play Scenarios
• Why it works: Practising interactions can build confidence.
• Example: Pretend to be a new classmate, and practise introducing themselves: “Hi, I’m Alex. What’s your name?” Also, practise asking the teacher questions like, “Can you help me with this?”
• Story: “Sophia was nervous about making friends, so her dad played the role of a shy classmate. After practising, Sophia felt ready to say hello to new kids at recess.”
4. Plan a Special "Back-to-School Tradition"
• Why it works: Creating a positive tradition makes the start of school exciting.
• Example: Let them pick out their first-day outfit, decorate their notebook with stickers, or have a “back-to-school breakfast” with their favourite food.
• Story: “Every year, Ella’s family bakes pancakes in the shape of letters spelling her name. It makes the first day of school something she looks forward to instead of dreading.”
5. Normalize Their Feelings
• Why it works: Knowing it’s okay to feel nervous helps kids manage their emotions.
• Example: Share a story about a time you felt nervous but things turned out okay, like starting a new job. Then talk about how they can overcome similar fears.
• Story: “When Liam told his mum he was scared about meeting new classmates, she said, ‘I felt the same way on my first day at work, but I ended up making friends. Let’s think of ways you can make friends, too.’
These examples make the advice practical and relatable for parents. Think about your child and what best works for them. Keeping anxieties to a minimum gives your child the best start for the year.
“Loving school is all about feeling safe and comfortable”
Teach your child to like themselves
One of the keys to success is helping children accept and like who they are. They need to believe they deserve kindness and good things in life. Gail Smith shares why it's essential for parents to teach their kids self-acceptance and self-worth.
One of the keys to success is to accept and like who you are. A child needs to believe that they deserve to be treated well and that they deserve good things in their life. They need to nurture the belief that they are as good as anyone else. It takes time for a child to mature into really recognizing their own value so start early as a a parent in teaching them their worth.
Here are five reasons why parents need to teach their children to like and accept themselves, along with examples of how they can do it:
1. Builds Confidence
When children learn to accept themselves, they become more confident in their abilities and decisions. For example, if a child feels unsure about their looks or talents, parents can remind them of their strengths and help them embrace their uniqueness. Complimenting their efforts, not just results, can help reinforce this.
2. Develops Emotional Resilience
Self-acceptance helps children cope better with challenges and failures. Parents can encourage this by framing mistakes as learning opportunities. For instance, if a child doesn’t win a competition, remind them it’s okay to fail sometimes and that they still have value regardless of the outcome.
3. Promotes Healthy Relationships
Children who accept themselves are more likely to build strong, positive relationships because they don’t rely on others for validation. Parents can encourage healthy relationships by teaching their children not to compare themselves to others and to value friends who respect them for who they are.
4. Reduces Anxiety and Stress
When children are comfortable with who they are, they feel less pressure to meet unrealistic expectations. Parents can help by reassuring their children that they don’t have to be perfect. For example, if a child is stressed about grades, parents can focus on the effort and improvement rather than demanding perfection.
5. Fosters Independence and Decision-Making
Self-accepting children trust themselves and their instincts, leading to better decision-making. Parents can nurture this by allowing children to make age-appropriate choices, like choosing their clothes or hobbies, while guiding them gently without taking control. This shows them that their opinions matter. By teaching self-acceptance, parents provide their children with the emotional tools they need to lead happier, more fulfilling lives.
As the parent show your child how your life reflects treating yourself with dignity and nurture. Your lifestyle and self-management will be watched carefully by your child.
“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will makes them successful human beings.”
Let’s look at some ways in which life can be easier for our working mums.
Mothers, it's important not to underestimate the value of personal time. Balancing family responsibilities while staying calm and rested is no small feat. Though there's no one-size-fits-all solution, it's worth considering ways to make life a bit easier. Parenting shouldn't feel like an overwhelming burden on top of managing home and work. Gail Smith offers practical steps to help you navigate those hectic school weeks with a little more ease.
Mothers have a huge load on their shoulders when they work. Balancing all the family responsibilities and remaining calm and rested is a challenge. There is no easy answer, but it is worthwhile to reflect on how and what can make life a little easier. Parenting should not become an immense burden on top of managing home and work. Let’s look at some steps that could make it a little easier across those busy weeks of school.
Prioritize and Delegate
Focus on what truly matters each day and learn to delegate tasks, whether at work or home. This could mean assigning age-appropriate chores to children or seeking help from a partner or family member for certain responsibilities.
Embrace “Good Enough”
Let go of perfectionism. Not every task needs to be done flawlessly. Sometimes, it’s okay if things are simply “good enough.” This mindset can reduce stress and free up time.
Meal Planning and Prep
Dedicate a bit of time on weekends to plan meals for the week and prepare ingredients in advance. This small investment can save a lot of time and stress on busy weeknights.
Use Technology to Stay Organized
Leverage apps and tools for managing schedules, reminders, and to-do lists. Simple tools like shared family calendars or task management apps can help keep everyone on track and reduce mental load.
Set Boundaries
Establish clear boundaries between work and personal time. This could mean setting specific work hours and sticking to them, or designating certain times in the day as phone-free, family time.
Practice Mindful Breaks
Incorporate short, mindful breaks into the day, even if it’s jus 5-10 minutes. A quick walk, deep breathing, or a brief moment of meditation can refresh the mind and reduce stress, making it easier to tackle the next task.
Above all factor yourself into the week. Your personal care is necessary to keep the week functioning well. Never undervalue your need for personal time. Such is the oil that lubricates all the machinery that needs to be operating for a family to have an effective week.
“Try to find some balance and harmony to the busy week. This brings happiness and less feelings of being overwhelmed.”
Why it is important to monitor the mental health of your child
In today's complex world, children face an overwhelming influx of information from social media and other sources. It's crucial to ensure their happiness and sense of security during the early years to build mental resilience. By being present, listening well, and working together to solve problems, parents can foster resilience and reassurance in their children. Gail Smith emphasizes the importance of monitoring and supporting your child's mental health.
It is such a complicated world now that we are always in the throws of social media etc. There is much for our children to absorb and to learn. We know that keeping our children happy and feeling secure in the early years is critical to building mental stamina.
The following thoughts remind us of the importance of being aware of how your child is handling their mental health.
Good mental health in the early years can:
• Prevent Anxiety and Depression: Early monitoring helps identify signs of anxiety and depression, allowing for timely intervention and reducing long-term impacts.
• Promote Academic Success: A mentally healthy child is more focused, engaged, and motivated in school, leading to better academic performance.
• Encourage Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Regular check-ins teach children how to manage stress and emotions, fostering resilience and emotional intelligence.
• Strengthen Parent-Child Connection: Being attentive to a child's mental health builds trust and opens lines of communication, making children more likely to share their feelings.
• Reduce Risk of Substance Abuse: Monitoring mental well-being can help prevent negative behaviours, such as substance abuse, that children might turn to as coping mechanisms.
• Support Long-Term Well-being: Ensuring good mental health in childhood sets the foundation for a happier, more balanced adult life, with fewer mental health issues.
Of course we do not live in a perfect world and from time to time your child will be challenged on various levels especially socially and emotionally. Simply be there, understand, listen well and together find solutions to problems. That kind of nurture builds resilience and reassurance in children.
“Tears fall for a reason and they are your strength not weakness.”
Helping your child navigate social challenges at school
Social challenges at school are a normal part of growing up. When your child navigates these situations well, they grow in both intellectual and social maturity. Encouraging your child to stay optimistic and believe in their ability to overcome social issues is crucial. Here are some tips to help them understand that there are many ways to work through social challenges.
There will always different forms of social challenges at school. There is no denying it and when your child navigates those occasions well, they grow both in intellectual and social maturity. Here are some ideas to support them:
Teach Effective Communication:
Role-play with your child to practice different communication scenarios, such as how to ask for help, express their feelings, or resolve conflicts with classmates. Teach them how to express an ‘I’ statement that clearly states their feelings. For example: “I am sad that… I am unhappy when you….”
Encourage Empathy and Kindness:
Discuss real-life situations with your child where empathy made a difference, like helping a friend who was feeling sad or being inclusive during group activities. Also your modelling in demonstrating empathy and kindness are so important.
Promote Social Skills Development:
Enrol your child in extracurricular activities like drama, art, or team sports to improve their social skills, teamwork, and cooperation. Regularly engagement in sports and other group activities also teaches self discipline, learning to accept disappointments etc.
Provide Problem-Solving Strategies:
Share the "STOP" strategy with your child (Stop, Think, Options, Pick one), which can help them make thoughtful choices when faced with social challenges. Also teach about negotiation and resolving conflicts where compromise and understanding are included.
Foster Resilience:
When your child encounters setbacks or rejection, discuss the importance of learning from failures and trying again, emphasising that challenges are opportunities for growth. Talk about famous people who have experienced failure in their efforts to be successful.
Open Lines of Communication:
Create a safe and non-judgmental environment at home for your child to share their experiences and concerns about school. Regularly ask open-ended questions like, "How was your day?" to encourage conversation. Remember that in being non-judgmental your child will feel safe in talking about matters that are on their mind.
Encourage your child to be an optimistic and to feel that they can overcome social issues that they `come across. Let them learn (from the above suggestions) that there are many ways and means to work through social challenges. Of course the more personally confident a child becomes the easier the process of working more confidently through social challenges.
‘Promise me you’ll always remember:
you’re braver than you believe,
and stronger than you see,
and smarter that you think.
- Christopher Robin
Understanding difficult behaviour
Parenting can get tricky, especially when dealing with difficult behaviour. Check out Gail Smith’s suggestions on handling those challenging moments with your child.
Parenting has many aspects to it. However, one of the most complex aspects is dealing with difficult behaviour. It will happen from time to time and as a parent it is all about what you tolerate and what you believe is acceptable behaviour. One of the very best things you can do is to teach your child to behave well. Your modelling and teaching is vital in this area.
Let’s consider how difficult behaviour can manifest itself:
Children with high activity or are clearly unsettled are more likely to misbehave
Sometimes it’s all about attention seeking.
Perhaps getting their own way is important to them.
Sometimes revenge to show how angry they are.
A child will model bad behaviour from other children.
It can happen when guidelines are unclear at home.
Some children need to be specifically taught the correct behaviour.
When a child is stressed. Difficult behaviour can be an outcome.
These are only a few examples of why poor behaviour can happen. Consider tackling the difficult behaviour in the following way:
Listen effectively to what they have to say. This is active listening.
Then talk about ways to address their concerns.
Some negotiation may be need. Work together on this plan.
Then together think about a resolution which may involve consequences for the child. This is real problem solving.
Check in later after action has been taken and affirm your child for going through the process.
Prevention is better than cure so think about why the problem behaviour has occurred. The more you understand, the less problems will continue to evolve.
“When you catch their good behaviour, reward well. It’s the best antidote to misbehaviour.”
Building stronger relationships with your child
Explore these simple suggestions with Gail Smith to enhance the task of building better relationships with your child. The Primary Years.
There is no right way to build stronger relationships with your child. There are many ideas and suggestions. Here are a few suggestions that may help.
Quality Time Tokens: Create "Quality Time Tokens" – special cards or tokens that kids can use to request dedicated one-on-one time with a parent for activities they enjoy. This can be fun in the making.
Story Sharing Sessions: Initiate regular "Story Sharing Sessions" where both parent and child take turns sharing anecdotes, dreams, or stories from their day. It promotes communication and strengthens bonds. Great to do this at dinner time or bedtime
Involvement in Their World: Engage in "Their World" by showing interest in their hobbies, favourite shows, or games. It demonstrates care and understanding of their interests. Accept all their ideas and take care not to place judgements on their suggestions.
Gratitude Jar Ritual: Start a "Gratitude Jar Ritual" by jotting down things you're grateful for about each other. Read these notes together periodically to foster appreciation and connection.
Decision-Making Together: Involve children in "Family Decision-Making" by allowing them to contribute ideas or have a say in certain family choices. It promotes a sense of responsibility and value in their opinions.
The above thoughts are simple suggestions to keep up the task of building better relationships with your child. Every family is different. You may already have some fun and endearing ways of building a unique relationship with your child.
‘Your kids watch you for a living. It’s their job: It’s what they do. That’s why it’s so important to try your best to be a good role model.’
James Lehman
Nurturing Your Child's Well-Being: A Guide for Parents to Cultivate Hope and Resilience
With the challenges children face today, from academic pressures to social media’s influence, fostering their mental and emotional health has never been more important. Read on for some strategies and insights to help you in this enriching yet challenging endeavour.
In the whirlwind of modern parenting, nurturing a child’s well-being has taken on new dimensions. With the challenges children face today, from academic pressures to social media’s influence, fostering their mental and emotional health has never been more important. As a parent, you play a pivotal role in guiding and supporting your child on this journey towards well-being. Here are some strategies and insights to help you in this enriching yet sometimes challenging endeavour.
Encourage Open Communication
Communication is the cornerstone of understanding your child's world. Create an environment where your child feels safe to express their thoughts and emotions. Such an environment will give your child the liberty to talk freely and to feel that their opinions and ideas are valued. This environment places no judgement and is open to listen at all times
Foster a Supportive Environment
Children flourish when they feel supported. Whether it's a difficult maths problem or a problem with a friend, show your child that you're there to offer guidance and encouragement. Achievements are to be celebrated as much as the effort that is put into activities. Such a supportive environment is also one that makes a child feel safe being around reliable and trusted people.
Prioritise Mental and Physical Health
A healthy mind resides in a healthy body. Encourage regular physical activity, nutritious meals, and adequate sleep. There many ways to work on mental and physical health and your modelling is very important here. A child needs to see that you value your own good health and well being. Talk about healthy ideas and associate with environments that nourish positive thinking about eating well and living well.
Instil Resilience and Coping Skills
Life is full of ups and downs, and teaching your child to navigate these fluctuations is a priceless gift. Resilience is such a key catalyst in building emotional maturity. Teach your child how failure can be a positive growth curve and that we learn best by taking risks and having a go. Putting ourselves in challenging situations is also another way of learning resilience.
Set Realistic Expectations
While it's natural to want the best for your child, it's crucial to set realistic expectations. Each child is unique and has their own pace of development. It is most important to learn about balance and to recognise what is a realistic challenge for your child. Take care that they set goals that are within reach. Progressive success along the way is the best form of encouragement.
Lead by Example
Children often emulate the behaviours they observe in their parents. Show them how you handle stress, make decisions, and maintain a positive outlook. Being a model can be tiring and so your child simply wants your honest efforts put forward. Be authentic, when you make a mistake be honest about it but let your child know how you keep trying.
Well being is a life long journey of discovery about yourself. As a parent you have the joy of being such an important part of their early well being. You cannot be perfect in this area in fact if you try too hard you will wear yourself out and feel frustrated by your lack of achievements. Simply be yourself and take care to provide a climate that is inviting and welcoming to your growing child.
‘A happy home is full of grace and well being’
- Gail J Smith
Managing anger around children.
It’s a natural part of life to feel anger. We need to understand that a child can often misinterpret our anger and will often take on much of the blame when we have a meltdown. Managing our anger around children is the best way to ensure your feelings do not overpower your child. Our angry outbursts can sometimes lead them to shut down and to avoid being in our presence.
Read on for some thoughts on how your anger can influence your child.
Anger management can be quite an issue when we live busy lives, have many and varied pressures on us and our children are unsettled. It’s a natural part of life to feel anger. What we need to understand is that a child can often misinterpret our anger and will often take on much of the blame when we have a meltdown. Managing our anger around children is the best way to ensure that your child is not overpowered by your feelings. Our angry outbursts can sometimes lead them to shut down and to avoid being in our presence.
Here are some thoughts on how your anger can influence your child.
Children need a safe and nurturing environment. Uncontrolled anger can create fear and emotional insecurity, impacting a child's sense of safety at home. The home should be a very safe place for them.
Witnessing frequent anger can harm a child's mental health. It may lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and difficulty in managing emotions. Often they blame themselves for the anger.
Children learn by observing. Constant exposure to anger might lead them to imitate aggressive behaviours, affecting their own ways of handling stress and conflicts. What they see is often what they think is the way to operate.
A calm environment encourages open communication. When parents manage anger, it fosters trust, allowing children to feel comfortable sharing their feelings without fear of harsh reactions.
Children learn about healthy relationships from their parents. Managing anger positively teaches them constructive ways to handle conflicts, promoting healthier relationships in the future. When they see healthy relationships, they desire to have them in their life.
If the family household contains a lot of anger, it can put your child at risk of mental health problems later in life. It also suggests that they may become aggressive and exhibit behavioural problems themselves.
Consider the three R’s of anger- Recognise, Reflect and Respond. Also, when feeling really angry, step away from the feeling for a while. This helps reduce the angry feeling.
As a parent, understand how you cope emotionally with your child. Being aware will make all the difference to yourself and especially your child.
‘For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Teach your child to have a go and to be a risk taker
I know it’s hard if there are risks, but, teach your child to have a go and to be a risk-taker. Read on for some advantages of this.
Just because you do not know something is not a reason for avoiding the situation or perhaps going around the problem. We want our children to have an embedded belief locked into them. They need to feel confident to have a go and take a risk. If a child automatically puts themselves forward when a challenge comes their way they have learnt how to learn.
Look at the following great advantages of being a child who takes risks.
Boosts Confidence and Self-Esteem
Advantage: Taking risks helps children believe in themselves and feel more confident. They grow in self esteem.Encourages Problem-Solving Skills
Advantage: Risk-taking teaches kids to find solutions when things don't go as planned. It is a natural process for them to keep trying different ways and means of getting solutions.Fosters Creativity and Innovation
Advantage: Trying new things sparks creativity and helps kids come up with new ideas. Once you start something different, new ideas and concepts grow.Promotes Independence and Resilience
Advantage: Taking risks makes kids more independent and resilient when facing challenges. They are not anxious about making mistakes but in fact see them as part of the learning process.Develops a Positive Attitude Towards Learning
Advantage: Being willing to have a go creates a positive attitude towards learning new things. Once a learner always a learner.
As a parent your child will observe how you embrace risk taking in your life. Invite your child into discussing all sorts of options that involve having a go and taking a risk. Enjoy this adventure together.
‘Don’t let what you don’t know stop you from having a go’
Lisamessenger
Managing anger in children
It’s natural for children to feel angry on occasion. Here are some tips to help manage this.
There are many ways we can respond to anger. Consider the following ideas to help with managing anger.
Teach Your Child Acceptable Responses to Anger
They can simply walk away from the person making them angry.
Find a spot to cool off.
Think about positive thoughts that take you away form the anger
Tell yourself to keep calm.
Teaching How to Handle Big Feelings
Kids need to learn how to handle their big feelings like anger. It helps them deal with tough situations better. Talk about what is a big feeling.
Teach simple breathing exercises or offer a cosy spot when they're upset. Show them it's okay to talk about feelings and find ways to let out anger without hurting anyone, like drawing or going for a run.
Solving problems and talking nicely
Learning to manage anger teaches children how to fix problems without fighting and how to talk nicely.
Practise talking about what's bothering them without yelling. Show how to listen when someone else is upset and find ways to fix things together. Always create a calm, warm atmosphere when talking about anxious matters.
Making Friends and Being Happy
Handling anger nicely helps kids make good friends and be happy in school and at home.
Role-play situations where they can practise talking without getting mad. Encourage being kind and understanding to others to build strong friendships.
Feeling Calm and Relaxed
Managing anger helps kids feel calm and relaxed instead of stressed or upset all the time.
Try relaxation activities like deep breaths or listening to calming music. Doing fun activities or games that they enjoy also helps release stress. A basketball ring outside in the yard is a great stress buster
Getting Stronger and Smarter
Learning to handle anger makes kids strong and smart. It helps them learn from mistakes and not give up. With anger under control they are more socially engaging with everyone.
Encourage them to think positively when things go wrong. Show how trying different ways to solve a problem can make them better at handling tough situations.
We all have a right to feel angry. It is a natural response when we are disappointed, hurt etc. Teaching our children how to deal with anger in a positive way develops their emotional intelligence and gives them great strategies to operate in many and varied life situations. A person’s well being is really enhanced if they have great skills in managing anger.
‘Teaching your child how their behaviour effects others raises their sensitivities and invites them to rethink their anger.’
- Gail J Smith
A happy child makes us all feel the joy of youth.
Read on for 5 basic needs to help your child feel content.
Here are five needs that a child once fulfilled will be content
Love and Support
A happy child needs love, care, and unwavering support from family and caregivers.Opportunities for Play and Exploration
Children thrive when they have ample opportunities for play and exploration in a safe and stimulating environment.Positive Reinforcement and Encouragement
Encouraging words, praise, and positive reinforcement contribute to a child's happiness and confidence.Healthy Relationships and Connection
Building healthy relationships and fostering strong connections with family and friends are crucial for a child's happiness.Sense of Security and Stability
A stable and secure environment provides the foundation for a child's happiness and well-being.
‘Never underestimate that your attention, respect, confidence and security given to your child are building a very happy person.’
Gail J Smith
Children: Dealing with traumatic war news stories
Children can easily feel distress and confusion and have a sense of hopelessness when they see some of the graphic scenes of people and children suffering. It is important to be on the same page as their teachers when explaining war to your children.
It is easy to understand how our children can become anxious when they see and hear about the atrocities that are going on in Gaza at the moment. They can easily feel distress and confusion and have a sense of hopelessness when they see some of the graphic scenes of people and children suffering. We know that the media will be drawn to those emotionally charged scenes that are upsetting to all of us. As adults, we process these scenes in our own way, but for a child, such scenes can be quite disturbing and frightening. The memory can last for a long time. It takes the child away from what they understand is safe and guaranteed in their life experiences.
Here are some suggestions on how to control your child’s exposure to such trauma. If your child talks about the war, it is important to have a conversation explaining the situation in a caring way. You would make this conversation age-appropriate and talk about it in a comfortable undistracted environment. Also, reassure them that their world is safe and check in from time to time to ensure that they understood what you had to tell them. After all, they will hear from others, especially their peers, about the situation.
Limit Exposure to News and Images
Control the amount of media exposure your children have. Constantly watching distressing news can heighten anxiety. Consider limiting their exposure to a specific time window or providing age-appropriate summaries yourself to avoid overwhelming content.
Monitor and Filter Content
Stay informed about the news your children consume. Be selective about which sources or channels they access. Opt for child-friendly or filtered news outlets that present information in a less alarming way. Have a strong presence when they are watching television. Perhaps locate the television in a prominent section of the home.
Provide Reassurance and Open Discussion
Encourage open discussions. Explain events in an age-appropriate manner, providing reassurance and emphasizing that they are safe. Answer their questions honestly but with a focus on hope and resilience. They will look to you for a guarantee of their safety when they see or hear disturbing news.
Offer Alternative Activities
Engage in activities that redirect their focus away from distressing news. Encourage hobbies, play, or family activities to create a positive atmosphere and reduce stress levels.
Model Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Children learn from observing their parents. Model healthy coping mechanisms such as taking breaks from news, practising relaxation techniques, or engaging in physical activities. Show how you manage your stress to provide them with coping strategies.
Create Safe Spaces
Designate safe spaces or routines that offer comfort and security. This could be a cosy reading corner, family game nights, or any activity that helps your child feel safe and grounded despite external events. The home for them should be their sanctuary. They will certainly be distressed when they see children from Gaza without that sense of safety.
What is your child’s school doing about it
Schools have policies on how they deal with such matters as global issues and trauma. Check-in with your child’s teacher to see how they talk about the war in the classroom and get some tips to support your discussions at home. You both need to be on the same page here.
Newspapers at home
If they are often lying loosely around the house take care to have them away from your child’s sight if they have graphic images and words about the war.
Finally, these thoughts are all about ensuring that your child has a balanced understanding of the situation for their age. With their growing knowledge of the broader world will come some more emotional maturity. You can ease them into talking about what has happened and discussing the broader philosophical viewpoint on war. It’s all in your responsible hands.
‘Your child will listen very carefully to what you say. So be aware of what you say and how you say it.’ -Gail J Smith
Do you ever feel like you have hit rock bottom as a parent?
Everyone experiences moments like these as a parent. Here are a few tips to keep positive and that making mistakes is all part of parenting.
We all have those moments and sometimes they turn into hours!
In my work as a school principal, I was always noticing the major changes and adjustments that families made as time went on. Crisis can hit, but as time went on, circumstances shifted and new life came into what were very difficult situations.
Fear is often an issue with parents when they think about the worst-case scenario. They think about the dreaded, ‘What if’ factor. This can become quite a preoccupation. It can cloud common sense responses to situations and can limit a parent’s ability to open their minds to options.
Here are some ideas to keep you going and to remind you that being human, making mistakes, etc. is all part of parenting:
Nothing is permanent. If you have a crisis or just hitting rock bottom, it will pass. Time has a way of shifting the ebbs and flows of life experiences. Everything has its season.
Children keep changing and evolving. Their thoughts and ideas keep shifting and their needs and demands will change as we, the parents, change with them. Therefore, worrying unduly or overthinking about one issue is pointless. Sometimes preoccupying ourselves can mean the problem just disappears, without any of our interference.
The problems children have are children’s problems, so I recommend putting things into perspective and worrying less. Children’s problems come and go and they often take charge of them themselves. Everything of course within reason.
Your children will surprise you! When it comes, enjoy the challenge and try not to become anxious about its implications.
If you are getting tired from just parenting, perhaps you are working at it too hard. Are you overthinking matters? Perhaps you are demanding too much control? Some of the best parenting I have seen came from relaxed and easy-going people who were quite happy to let things just be at times and not interfere too much with their children’s issues. Simply having a presence can at times be enough.
Don’t forget to not lose yourself in parenting. Allow some time for yourself to develop who you are. The happier you are as a person in your own right, the better you will be as a parent. Think about exercising or doing some activity that gives you joy. Permit yourself to be a parent that makes room for yourself.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, learn to reduce the pressure. Find ways to cut back on planned activities or slow down from adding to the list of things to do. Your child wants you as a happy parent, not a fatigued parent. Less is better when it all gets too much!
Be honest with your child. If you are tired tell them. If you haven't the time to do what is requested, talk about it. Your child needs to learn and understand your limits. Be authentic with them and they will appreciate your honesty. This is how they learn empathy, compassion and tolerance. This is also about setting responsible boundaries that support your needs.
If you are hitting a low point, seek out friends and companions that have a similar journey. A lot can be gained by having such a support group to call on. We all need to rely on others. Parenting has been around since the cavemen.
Sometimes saying less when things get heated is the best way not to overcomplicate situations and tire yourself out. We often try to be available and solve situations on the run. Saying less and even silence at times creates some emotional respite which can be a calming time.
If discipline is needed, are you the one to deal with it if you are not in the right space? Perhaps delay discipline if you are not able to deal with it at the time. You need to be well and in a good mental space to be disciplining children.
Try not to be critical of yourself as a parent. You are doing the best you can. Don’t compare yourself to others. You can go into dangerous emotional spaces when you do this comparison. Your child loves and values you for who you are, warts and all so keep up with just loving your child and doing your best. By the way, I have never met a perfect parent!
Finally play often with your child. The more you play, the less intense you are and that greater feeling of being connected to your child tends to wash away some of those feelings of it all being too much. Play is a wonderful healing agent. We all need to play from time to time.
‘Self care is turning some of the nurturing energy you give to your child, towards yourself.’
-Kristi Yeh LMFT
Dealing with a child’s fears
Here are some parenting suggestions to help children work through and potentially overcome their fears.
Fears can come at any time. They can be mild-mannered or driven by some former experience that left them fearful. Fears can also be linked to low self-esteem, where a child feels more prone to be vulnerable. Sometimes a child can outgrow them. Sometimes fears can linger longer if not effectively dealt with at the time.
It is natural for a child to have some fears. As a human race, fears were part of prehistoric man to help us work out survival tactics. With a child, we need early identification and working with the child in understanding its source and finding strategies to deal with it.
We understand that fears can come at any surprising and unexpected time and be triggered in different ways. The following thoughts are to help our child understand and deal with fear:
When you see your child upset and showing signs of being frightened, respect that it is real for your child. Never underestimate the fear and underplay its importance. They need to feel sure that you believe them.
Ask them to describe their fear, if possible in detail, hopefully they can tell you how they feel and when and how it manifests itself. Talk about a strategy to try to reduce the fear. Brainstorm some ideas together. For example, if it’s fear of the dark, talk together about options such as using a soft bedroom light etc. Working it through together is important and reassuring for the child. Here you show them they are not alone with their fear.
After deciding together on a strategy, trial it and later come back to the child to see how it went. Be prepared to keep visiting the fear if still not under control. Every attempt is trial and error.
Let them express all their feelings when talking about their fear. The more they are heard and the more they talk about it, some reduction of the fear can occur.
Children feel safe with routine and familiar settings. Try to bring them into the solution when finding ways forward. Working through the fear is not a time to introduce new stimuli.
Talk about some strategies you use to help with fear. Discuss taking deep breaths, talking to friends, listening to music etc. Can they suggest some strategies that will make them feel more secure?
Applaud their own efforts in getting on top of the fear. The more they learn to develop their own techniques, the better and often quicker, a satisfactory outcome. There is nothing more healing than doing it yourself!
There are some wonderful books on dealing with fears. Check with your library or school.
The more you talk openly about how natural it is to sometimes have fears, the more it seems as part of life and less mystifying and isolating.
Never forget the value of your teacher. They may have some suggestions and even follow-through activities to do at school to support the concern.
Finally, as your child grows, their emotional growth becomes stronger. They begin to reason and rationalise in ways that can help them work through fears or at least understand them better. Your support over the years in listening, being empathetic and respecting their fears will give them the courage and fortitude to be in control when fearful obstacles potentially come their way.
‘Thinking will not overcome fear but action will.’
W. Clement Stone