"I Just Don’t Know How to Help!" – A Parent’s Guide to Coping When School Gets Tough
Let’s take a closer look at how to gently support your child when school becomes a challenge. With slow, steady support, regular check-ins, and working through the ups and downs together, you’ll be showing them the kind of care that builds trust and resilience. Let’s break it down and explore how you can navigate this journey together.
Being a parent isn’t easy at the best of times, but when your child is upset about school or you’re worried they’re falling behind, it can feel overwhelming. You might wonder: Should I speak to the teacher? Should I push harder or back off? What if I make it worse?
You're not alone. Many parents feel this way. Let’s talk about what to do when school feels difficult for your child and for you.
Start with Listening
When a child says, “I hate school,” or “I’m bad at reading,” our instinct is often to jump in with reassurance or solutions. But first, just listen. Give them your full attention even just 5 minutes of focused listening can unlock what’s really going on.
Try saying:
• “I am wondering how school went today.”
• “That sounds tough. I’d feel upset too.”
Remember this is not about giving them the answers. At this stage it is simply listening and feeling their concern.
Break the Problem Into Small Pieces
Big school problems often have small, manageable parts. Once your child feels heard, you can gently help them name the problem.
Example issues:
• “I don’t get maths” might actually mean “I got stuck on subtraction.”
• “No one likes me” might mean “Two friends wouldn’t play with me today.”
Help your child zoom in. Small problems are easier to talk about and easier to solve. For the child at the time, they seem insurmountable.
Make a Simple Action Plan (Together)
Children feel more confident when they’re part of the solution. They need to feel ownership of the issue. Once you've listened and broken the problem down, brainstorm one small step together.
Examples of action steps:
• Practising reading at home to build confidence
• Writing a short note to the teacher about a worry
• Role-playing what to say to a friend at playtime
For you: Don’t hesitate to send a quick message to the teacher. A simple, kind email like “My child is a bit anxious about PE. Any suggestions?” can open a helpful door.
Let Go of "Perfect"
You don’t have to be a teacher or a therapist. You don’t need perfect answers. Children don’t need perfect parents. They need present ones. Just showing up, listening, and caring makes a huge difference.
If you're trying, you're already helping. Being authentic shows the child you are really wanting to help.
Some Reassurance
Most school struggles are temporary. Children are resilient and bounce back, especially when they have a parent who’s in their corner. This is not about solving the problem for them but being there, listening and together working on solutions. If you, the parent, take full ownership of their problem, they will disengage from it and they will have learnt nothing.
Example:
Tom, age 9, was refusing to go to school. After some gentle chats, his dad realized Tom was scared about changing seats. A quick word with the teacher helped, and they worked out a solution. Within a week, Tom was back at school and smiling.
One Last Thought
When school is tough, it can feel like you're both in the storm. But storms pass. What matters most is that your child knows you're by their side..With slow and steady support, recognizing that it is a problem for them is critical to their sense of security. Working through the problem together and checking in to see how they are going is the best way to show you care.
What you say to your child sticks.
Here are some of the most powerful phrases you can say to your children, no matter their age. Repeating these words often shows your unwavering love and support as they grow. Whether your child is a toddler or a teen, these statements can help build their confidence and emotional strength. Make them a regular part of your conversations to reinforce your commitment to their well-being.
As your child grows, how wonderful it would be if they just knew how you valued them and how consistently you talked about matters that mattered to them. The statements below are powerful suggestions of words that can be repeated time and time again over the years. It doesn't matter if children are three years of age or late teenagers. These statements are powerful tools in driving the right message into them. Consider building them into your repertoire.
"I believe in you, no matter what."
Impact: This statement reinforces your unwavering faith in your child's abilities and character, helping them feel confident and supported even during challenging times.
"You are loved just the way you are."
Impact: Letting your child know that they are loved unconditionally helps them feel secure and accepted, fostering a strong sense of self-worth.
"I’m proud of you for being who you are."
Impact: This acknowledgement celebrates your child’s individuality and encourages them to embrace their unique qualities with pride.
"Your feelings matter to me."
Impact: By affirming the importance of their emotions, you validate your child’s experiences and teach them that their thoughts and feelings are valuable.
"You have the strength to overcome any challenge."
Impact: Empowering your child with this belief helps them develop resilience and the confidence to face obstacles with determination.
These statements repeated throughout your child’s life send a very clear message of your unwavering love and support as they grow into well-developed young adults. Repeat them often for a strong effect.
“Use words well around children. They listen with sharp ears.”
Encouraging your child to write well
Some children struggle with writing, finding it difficult to start and continue their stories. Parents can help by providing engaging activities that spark motivation. Gail Smith offers suggestions to show children the power of the written word. Read on to discover more on how to encourage your child's writing journey!
Some children find writing a difficult task. They seem to feel blocked and struggle to start stories and certainly struggle to continue with them. Parents can help by providing some stimulating activities for their child to do that are not difficult but can motivate a child to write.
Consider:
Encourage Daily Journaling: Suggest that your child keep a daily journal. Writing about their day, feelings, or even imaginary stories can help them practise and improve their writing skills regularly.
Read Together Regularly: Expose your child to a variety of writing styles by reading together. Discuss the books, focusing on how different authors use language, structure their stories, and create vivid descriptions.
Use Writing Prompts: Provide fun and engaging writing prompts to spark their creativity. Prompts like "Imagine you have a superpower for a day. What would you do?" can make writing exciting and less of a chore.
Play Word Games: Engage in word games like Scrabble or Boggle. These games can expand vocabulary and improve language skills in a playful and interactive way.
Incorporate Technology: Use writing apps and websites designed for kids. Programs like Grammar for Kids or fun writing games online can make writing more engaging and educational. Talk to your child’s teacher about what they would recommend.
Write Letters: Encourage your child to write letters to family members, friends, or even pen pals. Writing letters can be a fun way to practise different writing and communication styles.
Create a Family Newspaper: Start a family newspaper where everyone contributes articles, stories, or comics. This can be a collaborative project that makes writing a shared and enjoyable activity.
Provide Constructive Feedback: When reviewing your child’s writing, offer positive feedback along with gentle suggestions for improvement. Focus on specific aspects, like adding more descriptive words or varying sentence structure.
Use Visual Aids: Encourage your child to create storyboards or mind maps before writing. Visual planning can help them organise their thoughts and improve the overall structure of their writing.
Set a Writing Example: Share your own writing with your child. Show them drafts, edits, and final versions to demonstrate the writing process and the importance of revision and improvement.
Start A Sentence: Make it a game. You start a sentence, and they finish it. “Yesterday I found an interesting rock. It was……”
Play with Reading Books: When you are reading a book occasionally stop. Let them see that the written word has power and invite your child to change the story. Perhaps they could suggest a different ending.
Have plenty of books and magazines around the house and occasionally read little segments from them out loud. A child's imagination will be enlivened when they begin to talk about their passions and interests. When they start to be motivated about something, encourage them to write about it. Let them see that the written word has power.
“When we write, we feel, see and hear the words.’
-Gail J Smith
It is important to speak well to your children
Children quickly pick up on what you say and how you say it, understanding the value you place on them. Gail Smith highlights six compelling reasons why speaking positively to children is crucial and the potential harm caused when we don’t. This insightful blog post sheds light on the importance of nurturing communication.
Speaking well to children is a language all its own. Children register very quickly from what you say and how you say it, what kind of value you place in them.
Here are six sound reasons why speaking well to children is important and it also highlights damage that can be caused if we do not speak well.
Building Self-Esteem
When children hear positive words and encouragement, they feel valued and loved. This helps them develop a healthy sense of self-worth.
However, harsh words can make children doubt their abilities and feel unimportant, leading to low self-esteem.
Fostering Emotional Security
Kind and understanding words create a safe emotional environment. Children feel secure knowing they can express themselves without fear of judgement. However, negative communication can make children anxious or fearful, feeling like they must always be on guard.
Encouraging Positive Behaviour
Praise and positive reinforcement motivate children to repeat good behaviour and make better choices. However, constant criticism can lead to rebellion or a lack of motivation to try their best.
Developing Language Skills
Hearing rich and positive language helps children expand their vocabulary and communication skills, crucial for their overall development. However, exposure to negative or limited language can hinder their ability to express themselves effectively.
Modelling Respectful Communication
Children learn by observing. Speaking well to them teaches them how to communicate respectfully with others. However, if children hear harsh or disrespectful language, they might imitate this behaviour in their interactions.
Strengthening Parent-Child Bond
Positive communication fosters a strong, trusting relationship between parents and children, which is the foundation for a healthy family dynamic. However, negative interactions can create distance and weaken the parent-child bond, making it harder for children to confide in their parents.
When a child feels confident to talk to you about important matters and when they are relaxed in how they communicate with you, this is a sign that you are speaking well to your child. All they want is to feel safe through your dialogue and welcomed in your conversations.
“Speak well to your child and they will speak well back.”
Helping your child improve in spelling
Mastering spelling can be tricky for some kids, but with your early support, they'll become spelling superstars, communicating with confidence in their writing. Let Gail Smith guide you with some awesome tips to boost your child's spelling skills.
Spelling can be a tricky skill to develop for some children. The sooner you support their learning in this area, the greater chance they have of becoming effective spellers and can communicate well with others in their writing.
Here are some helpful suggestions:
Try having fun with spelling bees at home. Make it a game. Consider incorporating spelling activities into their daily routine.
Many news agencies sell phonic charts which are handy to have at home. From time to time you can refer to them to help your child retain some basic phonetics. Phonics teaches spelling patterns and rules.
Engage multiple senses in spelling practice. For example, with younger children have your child write words in sand or shaving cream to feel the shapes of the letters, or use magnetic letters to spell words on the fridge. Use art and craft activities to make up words perhaps in felt, paint etc.
Teach your child to break down longer words into smaller, more manageable chunks. This can help them understand the structure of words and make spelling them easier.
Play word games together that reinforce spelling skills, such as Scrabble, Boggle, or word search puzzles. These games make spelling practice fun and interactive.
Encourage your child to read aloud regularly. Hearing words pronounced correctly can reinforce their spelling and help them recognize common spelling patterns.
Have your child keep a spelling journal where they write down words they find challenging. Encourage them to revisit these words regularly and practice spelling them correctly.
Offer praise and encouragement when your child makes progress in spelling. Celebrate their successes, no matter how small, to boost their confidence and motivation.
Take advantage of spelling apps and online resources designed to help children practice spelling in a fun and engaging way. Many of these apps offer interactive games and activities tailored to different age levels.
Spelling can be challenging for some children, so be patient and supportive as they learn. Avoid criticizing mistakes and instead focus on providing constructive feedback and encouragement.
Try introducing one new word each week. This can be the spelling challenge and see how your child can learn that tricky word in a week.
Spelling is linked to speech, writing, and reading. The more you encourage your child to use language, the more confident they become in having a go with tricky words. Repetition has a lot to do with improving spelling. The more you practice spelling words, the greater retention you have and the easier recall of that word over time.
“If we spell well we communicate well”
Let’s find ways to help improve our children’s language skills
Did you know that the more time children spend in front of screens, the less they hear and practice language? This can impact their speaking, listening, writing, and comprehension skills. Explore these suggestions by Gill Smith to ensure your child gets plenty of exposure to develop good language skills.
Recent research published talks about the danger of children losing valuable literacy skills due to too much screen time. It is true that the more screen time a child is exposed to, the less language they hear and the less skilled they are in speaking, listening, writing and comprehending. A child needs to be exposed to language as often as possible. Their vocabulary should be growing daily and their understandings of conversations and their use of language should be a regular daily event. After all, our use of language is a deep reflection of ourselves. Here are some helpful ideas to get you thinking about ways to ensure that your child has regular exposure to good language.
Establish clear limits on the amount of screen time allowed each day, including time spent on devices, watching TV, and playing video games. Use tools like parental controls or screen time management apps to enforce limits and track usage.
Create designated screen-free zones and times in the home, such as during meals, family gatherings, and bedtime. Encourage conversation and interaction by keeping screens out of these areas and times. Make clear rules about when and where screen time is allowed.
Be a positive role model by demonstrating healthy screen habits yourself. Limit your own screen time, especially when interacting with your child. As a family focus on sports activities, games etc. that are a wonderful alternative to docile screen time. Be an active outdoor family where possible.
Provide alternative activities that promote language development and communication skills, such as reading together, playing board games, doing puzzles, or engaging in imaginative play. Encourage outdoor play and physical activities that stimulate language skills.
Make time for meaningful conversations with your child every day. Ask open-ended questions, listen actively, and respond with interest and enthusiasm. Try to talk less and let your child be a dominant talker from time to time.
Make reading a daily habit by incorporating story time into your child's routine. Choose a variety of age-appropriate books that capture their interest and stimulate their imagination. Encourage active participation by asking questions and discussing the story together.
Minimize background noise from TVs, radios, and electronic devices, as it can interfere with language development and comprehension. Create a quiet and calm environment that allows for focused listening and communication. The less noise and surround sound, the better.
Expose your child to a rich and varied language environment by incorporating vocabulary-building activities into everyday life. Use descriptive language, introduce new words, and encourage your child to use language creatively. How about introducing new words every few days. Celebrate when your child uses those words.
Be mindful of the content your child is exposed to on screens and ensure that it is age-appropriate and educational. Choose high-quality programming and apps that promote learning and language development. Be selective in this area.
Foster opportunities for social interaction and communication with peers, family members, and caregivers. Arrange play dates, join community activities, and participate in group settings where your child can practise social skills and language use. Let them rely on their language to connect to others.
Be a family where language is a major way of communicating used frequently and valued as a major source of communication. Let your child see and experience that through using good language skills they gain the attention of so many, are valued for their skills and recognized as having something worthwhile to say.
“The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.”