"I Just Don’t Know How to Help!" – A Parent’s Guide to Coping When School Gets Tough

Being a parent isn’t easy at the best of times, but when your child is upset about school or you’re worried they’re falling behind, it can feel overwhelming. You might wonder: Should I speak to the teacher? Should I push harder or back off? What if I make it worse?

You're not alone. Many parents feel this way. Let’s talk about what to do when school feels difficult for your child and for you.

Start with Listening

When a child says, “I hate school,” or “I’m bad at reading,” our instinct is often to jump in with reassurance or solutions. But first, just listen. Give them your full attention even just 5 minutes of focused listening can unlock what’s really going on.

Try saying:

• “I am wondering how school went today.”

• “That sounds tough. I’d feel upset too.”

Remember this is not about giving them the answers. At this stage it is simply listening and feeling their concern.

Break the Problem Into Small Pieces

Big school problems often have small, manageable parts. Once your child feels heard, you can gently help them name the problem.

Example issues:

• “I don’t get maths” might actually mean “I got stuck on subtraction.”

• “No one likes me” might mean “Two friends wouldn’t play with me today.”

Help your child zoom in. Small problems are easier to talk about and easier to solve. For the child at the time, they seem insurmountable.

Make a Simple Action Plan (Together)

Children feel more confident when they’re part of the solution. They need to feel ownership of the issue. Once you've listened and broken the problem down, brainstorm one small step together.

Examples of action steps:

• Practising reading at home to build confidence

• Writing a short note to the teacher about a worry

• Role-playing what to say to a friend at playtime

For you: Don’t hesitate to send a quick message to the teacher. A simple, kind email like “My child is a bit anxious about PE. Any suggestions?” can open a helpful door.

Let Go of "Perfect"

You don’t have to be a teacher or a therapist. You don’t need perfect answers. Children don’t need perfect parents. They need present ones. Just showing up, listening, and caring makes a huge difference.

If you're trying, you're already helping. Being authentic shows the child you are really wanting to help.

Some Reassurance

Most school struggles are temporary. Children are resilient and bounce back, especially when they have a parent who’s in their corner. This is not about solving the problem for them but being there, listening and together working on solutions. If you, the parent, take full ownership of their problem, they will disengage from it and they will have learnt nothing.

Example:

Tom, age 9, was refusing to go to school. After some gentle chats, his dad realized Tom was scared about changing seats. A quick word with the teacher helped, and they worked out a solution. Within a week, Tom was back at school and smiling.

One Last Thought

When school is tough, it can feel like you're both in the storm. But storms pass. What matters most is that your child knows you're by their side..With slow and steady support, recognizing that it is a problem for them is critical to their sense of security. Working through the problem together and checking in to see how they are going is the best way to show you care.

How to Support Your Child’s Mental Health Through School Without Over Complicating It

School is a huge part of your child’s life. It can be stressful. From friendship fallouts to academic pressure, it’s no wonder mental health is one of the top concerns for families today. But supporting your child’s well-being doesn’t have to mean long lectures or expensive therapies. Sometimes, it’s the simple, everyday things that make the biggest difference.

Consider:

Teach Them to Name Their Feelings and You Name Yours Too

Kids can't manage what they can't name.

Instead of just asking “How was school?”, try asking:

• “What was something that made you happy/sad/frustrated today?”

• “Was there a moment today you felt proud of yourself?”

Better yet, model it yourself: “I felt nervous today because of a big meeting, but I took some deep breaths and got through it.”

Why this works: Kids learn to recognize and handle emotions when they hear you doing it.

Make Space for ‘Down Time’ After School

Imagine finishing a long workday and going straight into more tasks — exhausting, right? Kids need that same recovery time.

Instead of asking them to immediately do homework or talk about the day, try:

• 20 minutes of quiet play

• A snack and a cuddle on the sofa

• Listening to music together

Why this works: It helps them regulate and reset, which makes later conversations or homework battles much easier. We all need space across the day.

Focus on Effort, Not Just Results

When your child shares a test score or project result, it’s tempting to focus on what they got. But instead, try praising the effort behind it:

• “I’m so proud of how hard you worked on that.”

• “I love how you kept going, even when it was tough.”

Why this works: Kids learn that trying is what counts, which builds resilience when things don’t go perfectly. It's OK to get some things wrong.

Keep an Eye on Friendships and Step In If Needed

Friendships are huge for kids' mental health.

Ask casually:

• “Who did you hang out with today?”

• “What was the best part of playtime?”

If you notice they’re upset about friends often, don’t dismiss it. Offer to role-play tricky situations or brainstorm what to say if things get tough. Remember you are not there to take over the problem.

Why this works: Feeling socially safe helps kids relax, focus, and enjoy school more.

Let Teachers Know if Something’s Up

If your child is struggling with sleep issues, anxiety, friendship worries, tell the teacher. You don’t need to give every detail, but a heads-up helps them watch out and support your child in small, thoughtful ways. They spend many hours with them in the best part of the day.

Example email you could send:

"Hi Miss Smith, just wanted to let you know that Jack has been feeling a bit anxious lately, especially in class. If you notice anything or have suggestions, we’d love to hear from you."

Why this works: Teachers can’t help with what they don’t know, and they want to help.

“Supporting your child’s mental health isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present”

— Gail J Smith

School is a magical place and children learn through many and varied mystical ways

As parents, we often view school through a pragmatic lens, focusing on academics, discipline, and schedules. But what if we told you that school is a place filled with enchantment, surprising lessons, and unexpected delights? Welcome to a realm where the extraordinary happens every day.

1.  The Classroom as a Magical Workshop

   Enter your child's classroom, where they don't just learn maths and science but the art of creativity. Teachers are the magicians who inspire imagination, and each notebook is a canvas for dreams. Learn the secret of fostering a love for learning and the unexpected joys of discovery. So much can happen in a classroom every day.

2. The Extracurricular Enchantment

   Beyond the classroom, the real treasures await. From drama club to soccer practice, extracurricular activities are the magical keys to hidden talents and friendships. Discover how these hobbies unlock your child's unique potential. They are the great joy after formal school hours and they are such an enriching  and enlivening experience.

3. Library Lore: Where Words Become Spells

   Wander into the school library, a sanctuary where books are the enchanted portals to different worlds. Here, children discover the joy of reading and the power of storytelling. Learn how to nurture a lifelong love of literature and the spellbinding connections it weaves. Just a simple roaming around the books is a mindful experience.

4. The Playground: Where Rules Bend and Friendships Flourish

   The schoolyard is not just for games; it's a realm where children master the art of negotiation, cooperation, and resilience. Explore the playground's hidden curriculum and the magic of recess that fosters life skills. Teachers on duty will tell you that life really happens on the playground.

5.  Parent-Teacher Conferences - The Sorcery of Communication

   Delve into parent-teacher conferences, where insights into your child's world are revealed. These meetings are like wizardly crystal balls, helping you understand your child's needs and strengths, and how to be an effective partner in their education journey. Listen closely to what is said and I don’t mean their test scores. The teachers really know how your child ticks. Here you can learn about what drives your child’s interests and passions.

School is a treasure chest of enchantment, where the everyday holds more wonder than you might have imagined. To keep the magic alive, remember to engage with your child's school experiences, encourage their passions, and be open to the unexpected lessons that can't be found in textbooks. Listen and learn to what enlivens your child on a daily basis.

‘When you see your child’s school as a magical, mysterious house of learning, it becomes one.’

- Gail J Smith

What really makes a great school

We all want the best for our children’s education. We trust and feel safe in our schools and put our faith in their policies and philosophies. This is natural but also important so that the school feels supported and reassured that they are on the right track.

Here are some thoughts on what makes a great school. Keep in mind that all schools will present differently and as a parent, you need to reflect on how your child’s school is best serving the needs of your child. The best advice I can give is to always check in with the school when you have doubts or questions. They should be there to listen and to take your concerns on board seriously.

1. Engaging Teachers: Great schools are proud to have a team of dedicated educators who prioritise a child's growth and well-being, creating a dynamic and nurturing learning environment. The school staff in a dynamic school have an important mission in working together, planning together and above all connecting to the students.

2. Creative Learning: Schools should encourage creativity and this should be celebrated in various ways. Children should experience hands-on projects and artistic endeavours that inspire imaginative thinking and self-expression. As such their learning continues to expand and grow rapidly.

3. Inclusive Community: Fostering an inclusive and diverse community where every child is valued and respected is a key component of a great school. Here children can be themselves and be valued for all their contributions big and small.

4. Adventures in Learning: A great school values exciting educational journeys! They believe in making learning an adventure, with engaging field trips and themed activities that ignite curiosity and a lifelong love of learning. School is not all about the classroom.

5. Technology with Purpose: Embrace the digital era with confidence and hope. Great schools thoughtfully integrate technology into lessons, equipping children with essential skills while ensuring a safe and responsible online experience. Also, they actively engage parents in learning about online safety.

6. Healthy Habits: A great school sees well-being as a priority. It promotes healthy lifestyles through balanced meals, physical activities, and wellness programs that lay the foundation for lifelong health. Emotional health is a key component of their work with children and it should be present in all aspects of a teacher’s work.

7. Open Communication: Great schools inform parents well and offer opportunities for their involvement. Such a school values transparent communication, ensuring parents are always up-to-date on their child's progress and actively engaged in their educational journey.

8. Joyful Memories: A school that stands out is a treasure trove of heartwarming moments and lasting friendships. Here, children will create beautiful memories in an environment filled with laughter, camaraderie, and meaningful experiences.

Enjoy those school years with your child. They go quickly and together you can share some very happy memories where learning together brings joy to all the family.

‘Education is the passport to future, for tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today’                                                                      

                                                                      -malcolm X

A happy classroom is a healthy place in which to learn

Children learn best when they are happy. We know that their learning involves a medley of cognitive, social, emotional and physical growth to make it all happen. However, the greatest catalyst for stimulating all those factors comes from a happy and emotionally sound classroom environment.

We know that if a child feels secure in these spaces, they are not questioning whether they are liked or valued, they are not looking over their shoulder to see if their peers are questioning what they have to say. Spontaneously and creatively they will question out loud and have a go at all types of problem-solving unafraid that getting something wrong matters. Such a utopia is certainly driven by high-quality teaching and it requires the skill of a teacher to make all children feel safe and welcome.

We know that to be an effective learner in any of those four areas as mentioned, you must be prepared to question, to probe and to feel comfortable to be yourself amongst all the others in the classroom.

Such a classroom is a hive of industry where children lay out their strengths and weaknesses and look to others to support their needs and together everyone collaborates and engages. This culture is a learning environment where success is inevitable.

Utopia you say. To some degree yes, as everyday is not perfect and that in its own right is about finding ways as a class and as an individual student to get better in some way or to simply learn from others. Failure is a natural process accepted in those settings as a legitimate way to learn.

It is always worthwhile checking in with your child about how happy they are in their classroom. No child should feel isolated or use disengaging tactics to survive. A regular check in with your child is helpful and if necessary you can do the following to help your child feel happier and settled at school.

• Always keep regular contact with the teacher. It is most important to let them know when your child is losing a sense of contentment in the classroom.

• Invite your child to write about their day at school. This can be quite revealing as well.

• It is also worthwhile to note if your child talks happily about their day at school. Some children are slow when questioned about their day but occasionally asking; ‘I am wondering what kind of a day you had today.”.. is reasonable.

• Notice if your child is engaging with their friends well. Are they coming home to play etc? Are they regularly mentioning their names in a happy way?

• Is your child showing interest in joining clubs etc. after school? This is often a sign of wanting to be included and of carrying on from engagement in the school day.

• Does your child talk positively about their teachers? When children feel accepted they are often buzzing around what the teacher did that day.

• Is your child quick to get up in the morning and get started for school? Reticent starts to the day can be a sign of feeling anxious about the forthcoming day.

School should be a happy place where a child feels stimulated to learn across those four levels. These include intellectual, emotional, social and physical. There is no one time where there is a complete picture of what is being learnt. There is no one assessment that can tell you everything as it is a gradual evolving exercise built around a strong encouraging environment. As a parent tap into it from time to time to ensure that for your child it is an alive and actively happy place.

‘Give the child a happy learning environment and watch how they    succeed.’

                                                      -Gail J Smith

How to get the best from your child's teacher

Teachers lead a busy, demanding, life and each day presents a range of challenges that can surprise them in so many ways. Being in tune with the teacher and sensitive to the changeable nature of their day can mean that you get the best from your teacher when you want and need a chat with them.

Here are some reflections that might help you plan a more productive time with the teacher.

• Sometimes talking about matters on the hop at the classroom door can be frustrating for you and the teacher. Gauge how busy the teacher is, if you wish to approach them at the beginning or end of the day. Sometimes this can be not the best time to resolve matters. You may leave feeling quite frustrated. Respect the business of that time.

• If you have several matters to discuss, I recommend writing a list. Three points at the most. Make an appointment with the teacher. This way they are better prepared and more relaxed to chat.

• Take care if you have an issue regarding an incident in which your child was involved. Talk as though you appreciate that your child may have some accountability in the issue. There is nothing more frustrating for a teacher when a parent doesn't take a balanced approach. Your teacher is very astute at seeing how your child works and operates around their peers. You want and need an honest appraisal of the situation.

• If you are meeting to talk about concerns, ask about the positive aspects that your teachers see in your child. This is always important for a teacher to talk about the aspects that they really love about their students. This changes the tone of a meeting in a heartbeat.

• Occasional notes to your teacher thanking them for noticeable care of your child goes a long way. You can imagine that many of the parent calls they receive are always about problems.

• Helping in the classroom also creates a positive, more authentic relationship with your child’s teacher. Here they are prepared to be public with their teaching and your confidentiality and professional approach goes a long way to building relationships.

• Remember that if you have concerns regarding some matter in the classroom always address it to the teacher first, not the Principal. This shows loyalty and trust. Obviously, if the problem is unresolved then you could take it further.

• Try not to write long emails that are all about a concern that has unsettled you. These can be quite frustrating to teachers and if written late at night, a teacher can find them quite intrusive and in some cases intimidating. If unsettled about something, deal with it in the morning and make that appointment. Sometimes waiting some time can get you to reflect more reasonably on what is best to talk about. Angry emails only complicate the situation.

Teachers spend an amazing amount of time with your child throughout the year. It is a privileged position and gives an amazing insight into your child. Trust what they have to say and support their work throughout the year. In this way, your child and yourself will get the very best from their school experience.

         ‘Your children need your presence more than your presents.

                                                                               -Jesse Jackson.

Parent involvement reaps all the benefits

No doubt about it, when parents are actively involved and interested in their child’s learning, the child has an optimal chance of being successful at school.

When your child feels that their school life is connected to their home life and that parents enjoy and participate where possible, great expectations are the order of the day.

Here are some of the outcomes when parents show interest in their child’s schooling:

• A child will have a more positive attitude to their work when they know that parents are interested in what they are learning. This becomes a normal part of home life, talking about the activities and discussions held at school.

• Reading accelerates early when parents engage with them in reading at home. Keep books visible around the house and demonstrate to your child that reading is a natural family experience across the week.

• Parents interested in their child’s learning are always keen to be around at homework time. They understand that there are expectations set by the school and their support makes it easier for children to fall into the routine of doing homework.

• Interested parents are naturally encouraging their children in the whole learning process. Therefore, it’s no surprise that these children are developing an interest in learning and higher education.

• A parent involved in their child’s education also gains some joy from learning new ways and being part of the bigger life of the school. There is nothing more enriching than a school community in full swing.

• When school problems appear, engaged parents are quick to respond and given their insightfulness, problems can be solved more quickly and with less interference.

• Parents engaged with the school build a strong relationship with the teachers. This makes such a difference when issues occur. Teachers are more at ease with interested parents. They feel very comfortable talking to them.

• Talking about school regularly as a family builds a happy image of the paramount importance of school in the life of the child and family.

• A great way to support your child’s learning is to set an example by reading, writing and engaging in other learning activities. Children then see how you value the learning process for yourself.

• A parent is involved when they develop a communication style that invites questions, enjoys problem-solving and having open conversations. The more you show an inquisitive style to a conversation and invite alternative solutions to problems, the more you are teaching your child to think laterally and become a problem solver.

• Proudly boast your child’s school work by having pieces on display around the house. This shows your approval and praise of their work.

• Children who get support from parents do feel more competent at learning. Parent support gives them this boost. It also keeps their interest in attending school regularly.

• When parents show interest the child is happier and their morale is high. This affects their whole disposition to school. They are more inclined to be interested in engaging in more activities.

• Teaching children to value education and is solidified if parents are actively interested in their child’s learning.

Finally, enjoy the journey. You will learn so much from being an active participant in your child’s learning. Nothing is ever lost from exposure to learning and your child will feel more secure knowing that you are walking the path with them.

                          ‘If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.’

-Milton Berle

8 dos and don'ts as your child starts school

This is a busy and exciting time for your child. They are about to be bombarded with a new class environment and all that involves. Now is a time for you to give them some space in the early days of starting school.

Consider these thoughts about a few don'ts at the beginning of the year.

1. Let your child settle in. Try not to ask too many questions especially in the first few weeks where your child is just getting their head around the changes.

2. Don’t set too high expectations so soon into the year. Your child will learn how the dynamics of the classroom works, they are in the early days of forming a relationship with their teacher and this may take some time to solidify.

3. Don’t put excessive demands on them at this stage of the year. They will have new demands on them which will take time to work through in their mind.

4. Have a presence at the school but give them space. They will be busy forming relationship or reacquainting themselves with friends. This can be a sensitive matter for some children.

5. Try to keep the social life of the family to a minimum in the first bracket of the year. Your child will come home from school tired and needing time to reorientate themselves to a new school year. Plenty of sleep and a balanced program is the best.

6. If you have queries about your child’s teachers, classroom situation etc. don’t speak too openly about your concerns to your child. They are forming their own opinions which will ultimately impact on their learning. Talk to your child’s teacher and be discreet about the nature of the conversations. Early opinions can often be wrong.

7. Everyone takes time to come out of holiday mode and into schools and routine. Don’t be too critical if it takes them a little time to reorientate. We all need adjustment time. After all it’s still Summer!

8. Try not to comment on their friendships. These may be changing and your child needs time to sift through all the children that are now part of their circle. Their emotional growth will come from being discerning, making mistakes and learning how to sustain friends. Remember they are not your friends.

 Finally, these first few weeks will not look like the last two weeks even of this term. The classroom environment will evolve over time. Be patient let the grass settle and let your child find their roots in the new environment of school they are embracing for 2023. Teachers always plan term one as being a very flexible term, where they expect the unexpected and begin to build harmonious relationships with the children. All this takes time.

                           ‘Slow and steady wins the race.’

                                                                 -Robert Lloyd

Tiredness can be a killer at times

This is just a brief reminder that tiredness can be an enemy in building relationships at times. When we are tired our capacity to think straight, our interest in doing things well and our ability to pay attention are down. When we are like this and more vulnerable, we are more inclined to damage and neglect relationships, which then leads to the need to recover and repair.

Teachers who are skilled in understanding their levels of tiredness choose to teach according to how they feel. I always remember coming to school one day with no voice! Not a sensible thing to do. The children then decided to have a silent day! Well, it worked, but in hindsight, I should have been at home resting. A teacher will redirect their planned work if they are not feeling up to the mark. This flexibility is a responsible way of managing your work and ensuring that your performance fits how you feel.

Consider:

• When you are tired, debating issues with your child can be a lose/ lose scenario. Delay such a plan. Nobody wants to go into damage control if possible.

• Being tired leaves you open to say things more loosely. It can also quicken your temper. Nobody wants to go into damage control while tired. Remember that things said take a while to unravel.

• Do you really listen to everything with clarity when you are tired? Take care not to agree to certain matters while tired. You could regret that later. Children can be very clever in choosing their time!

• Sometimes it is easier not to be too present with your child on that day when you are feeling tired. This is being proactive and avoiding conflictual situations. Are there others that can deal with the matter?

• Your child may not understand that tiredness affects your judgement. This is especially the case with younger children. Tell them that when tired, it is not the best time to discuss important matters. Tiredness limits how you can best help them.

• Sometimes our comprehension of situations can be dulled when tired. Try not to make important decisions with your child or final statements when not feeling ready.

• Do not be too hard on yourself if you feel that you just can’t deal with your child’s issue at that time. You are human and respect the fact that you want to give the best to your child. Being tired is not the best time.

‘I am feeling a little tired now. Can we discuss that matter later today?’

The more you let your child understand how you feel, the more likely they will be to approach you when ready. After all, they also want the best from the conversation and especially to be really heard. They learn quickly to choose the best time to satisfy their needs.

‘The worst thing about being tired is the negative twist of perception’

-Rosamond Rice

How to motivate your child to learn

This can be a challenge for some children who can lose motivation at school and find the whole exercise of school just too much. They can develop a flight or fight mentality to escape school or simply disengage, which is such a frustrating and helpless experience for the family to understand. Merely encouraging them or advising them about the advantages of school does not make a great deal of difference. In fact the more we talk about it, the more they can feel a failure in your eyes and further reject school.

Consider the following ideas to help motivate a child about school:

•      Develop at home an atmosphere where learning is seen as a good thing. Talk about how you learn and what you enjoy when you want to read a book etc. Keep reading alive at home as we know that being able to read is a key to being happy and successful at school. The process of learning to read helps keep the brain active in processing information and communication. A child who reads will have less problems being motivated at school. Reading excites the imagination and keeps the interest high in learning.

•      Encourage your child to be independent in their learning. Try not to put controls on them or limit what they must learn. We now know that children learn in all different ways and this creative process should be encouraged. Give them choices and affirm what they choose to learn. A motivated child will always want to follow their passions.

•      Keep the conversations going and keep them frequent. Make them positive and full of reassurance and confidence in their efforts. Listen to their opinions and applaud creative thinking. A child needs to feel that how they learn has value and that what they have to say is important. They may challenge you in the way they think but that is OK!

•      Notice the uniqueness of your child and home in on their interests. Sometimes their passions and interests last a short while, sometimes they last forever. Either way, your child needs to be supported in those interests and made to feel that their passions are powerful and valued. Help them to discover more about their passions. Perhaps if fishing is their interest go to the library together and collect books on fishing.

•      All children learn differently. Any teacher will tell you this. Don't be critical of their learning style. Allow them to discover their best way of learning. When we force their hand at changing how they learn, this can destroy a child’s confidence and they can begin to doubt their ability to learn.

•      Consider sharing games together. They are a great family activity but also reinforce that learning is a successful tool in playing games. A child works out that to be successful at the game they should try harder and understand more.

•      Remember that the process of learning is what is important. Reward and acknowledge the effort, not the outcome. Remember that a child looks for your approval and is more motivated by your acceptance of their efforts rather than how they were successful. If absolute success is your goal, a child will become anxious about rising to meet that challenge. This is where disengagement can happen.

•      Every child has strengths. It is easy for us to see our weaknesses and so important for a child to feel success through their strengths. Teachers are very good at picking up on this in class and will focus on a child’s strength to give them reassurance that they can easily learn. It also makes children less anxious about their weaknesses. This also teaches a child that failure is part of life and that we use it as a means to learn. Focusing on their weakness only shrouds them in a sense of failure and disengagement from school is not far away.

•      Be a learner yourself and use opportunities around you to engage your child in learning. This is about developing an inquiring mind. Learning is catchy and your child will see you as someone helping them to develop an inquiring mind and to be curious about all sorts of things.

•       Children can from time to time lose some motivation at school.

Remember they are children and may need time to simply rest a little from formal learning. Your teacher has an excellent knowledge on how your child learns and I would recommend you speak to them when motivation drops off.

 ‘There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly

                                                 -Buckskin Fuller

How to help your child with reading

The power of learning to read is immense. It starts at an early age and once a child has the gift of reading their world increases immeasurably. The gift of reading means that the child’s world is wide open to all sorts of possibilities and without the ability to read their world shrinks to quite an intolerable state.       

9 Ways to help your child learn to read.

Let’s look at how you can help your child learn to read. It can be done in a  gentle way and through spontaneity.

• Early teaching is a good idea. Don’t wait until school starts. A child is curious about reading at a very early age. By helping them early to learn it shows your child that reading is a valuable tool that you want them to have access to as soon as possible.

• Reading to your child is a wonderful way of introducing reading. Here the child enjoys stories and comes to want to be able to take ownership of the art of reading for themselves. Keep books visible around the house. These can be books that they simply pick up and look through the illustrations and at some point they may start to mimic the way you read to them. At some point, they will learn to memorise the story. This is all healthy pre-reading skills. Enjoy the early stages of their learning to read and try not to correct them when they make a mistake. It is all about experimenting to read. It should all be seen as a successful project.

• Speaking to your child, using language is such a powerful tool in helping with reading. The more language they hear the more they retain words, expressions etc. and will apply them in their own attempts to read. Let them see and hear that you value language and use yourself to communicate effectively. Have fun with words and keep introducing new words slowly and steadily.

• As you talk to your child have them tell you a story. Let them use their imagination and make it up.  Write the story down and point to the words. They can have fun colouring them in. Here it is all about experimenting with the written words.

• Teach phonics. When you speak the child hears the whole word. Break a word up so they begin to hear the different sounds. For example, ‘dog’ is heard as a whole word. Start to break up the phonics say, D- O- G you can turn it into a game where your child starts to hear themselves sound out the word.

• Listen to your child read especially with books they bring home from school. It is acceptable to get them to reread sections in which they make mistakes. A child always wants to get it all right. They like to hear themselves read with fluency.

• Teach them that writing is an important part of literacy. Keep pencils and pens around the house. Let them sketch scenes and then copy words perhaps trace them and eventually they have a go at writing them. A great tool is to write simple notes to your child, think about including little notes in their lunch box or on their pillow. Write words around the house to label items. Here you are inviting them to read for meaning, Eventually, they want to send a note back and may attempt to write.

• Ask lots of questions when they read a story. Here you are strengthening their comprehension and encouraging them to be more inquiring about what they read.

• Reading should be a regular, happy part of family life. It should be celebrated and books should be discussed at home. Talk about how you enjoyed a book and ask your child what they are reading at the moment. Keep books alive in the family.

Your help in giving your child a vivid impression that reading is part of life will go a long way to their success in reading. Accept all their attempts to read and affirm their efforts. Take care not to criticise errors but rather help them make happy corrections. Above all nurture their interest in reading on a regular basis. Reading is a gift for life. 

‘Reading should not be presented to children as a chore, or duty. It should be offered as a gift.’

                                                         - Kate DeCamillo

How to get the best from your child’s teacher

We all know that building a strong relationship with your child’s teacher is the best way to support your child across a long school year. The teacher has five hours a day across forty weeks with your child and this is such a critical time in their development, physically, socially, emotionally and intellectually. It, therefore, makes sense that as a parent you feel confident and that you are in a solid relationship with your child’s teacher.    

Here are some important messages that will help build and ensure you maintain that relationship:

 Consider:

• Firstly, the teacher needs to feel that they are respected for their work. In today’s world of high order criticism, teachers are easy targets and yet their work and contribution to the life of children is vitally important.

• Let your teacher know that you respect the pressure they are under as teachers are accountable to higher authorities, policy documents, etc. Sometimes decisions made are out of their hands can be confusing and misleading for some parents.

• Take care that when you are unsettled about some matter concerning your child at school do not talk about it unfavourably in front of the child. Talk to your teacher first. Children can get very confused when they hear parents being critical of their teacher with whom they build so much trust and respect.

• Keep an eye out for notes, emails etc that come from the school. The better you are informed, the happier your child is that you are valuing their school life. Schools are big informers so keep an eye out for regular correspondence.

• From time to time your child’s teacher may call you up to discuss disciplinary action for your child. Listen carefully to what they have to say and do not react in a way that down plays the teacher’s action.  Have a mature discussion about the matter and try to support the teacher’s actions. This is certainly a way of showing respect for them.

• Family situations keep changing. Make sure that you keep the teacher abreast of any new information that may affect the child’s school. Teachers are quick to pick up an emotional change in the child. Sometimes they may approach you with concerns.

• When you do have an issue always show respect for the teacher and talk to them first. Going to the Principal first only complicates the matter as the principal will talk to the teacher and generally refer the issue back to them.

• If you are unhappy with school policies, rules and regulations remember that these have not come from your teacher. They come from Parent Bodies, Education Department rules and the whole school staff. Best to talk to the Principal when concerned rather than thrashing out the issue with the teacher. Their role is specifically the teaching and care of your child.

• Take care not to write long winded emails to your teacher. Often what you need to say can be said simply or spoken to the teacher. Emails should be written with care and not used as a vehicle to be offensive. This may sound harsh but sadly I have seen many such emails which have only led to deterioration of relationship with teacher and school.  Parents have a better chance of being heard when they are calm and responsibly talk about their concerns. This is also an important example to give our children.

Finally, there is so much enjoyment for a parent to be happily engaged with the school. Also your child feels more content when they see how interested and involved you are in their school life. In my experience, parental support is a driving force for all the staff and school community. Everyone benefits.

                      ‘Schools are great places for all the family’

                                                                          -Gail Smith

Strengthening a child’s interest and endurance with reading

This can be a tricky area if you have a child who is reticent to read.  In my experience, I have seen this behaviour more in boys than girls and therefore a parent must connect to a child’s interest in reading to help them become more of a motivated reader.  It can be a fine line between pushing the child to read and gently setting the scene to help them.

 Consider;

• Generally, children will not read without some purpose in mind. As a parent talk about what they are reading and why they may be enjoying it. Never question or make a judgement on whether it is a magazine, novel, cartoon series etc. you are just talking about what makes them want to read it.

• The family can play a big part in encouraging reading. Some families read a novel after dinner together. Some ask older siblings to read to younger ones. Some children look forward to bed reading with a parent. There are many shades of a family reading together and as long as reading is seen as an important icon and is a regular part of the week, the message is clear. Reading is here to stay.

• With younger children reading aloud is valuable and children enjoy the family experience of reading and sharing the story together. Repeating the same books over and over again is very acceptable as it shows how enriching the story is and the heightened level of enjoyment. Sometimes young prereaders enjoy reciting the words of the story which is a great precursor to reading.

• Talk to your child about where in the house is the best and most comfortable place to read. Keep the area away from distractions such as television and if the child likes to read in their bedroom until they are active highly engaged readers they can find many distractions in such a space. The environment must be conducive for reading with comfort.

• Some families use dinner time to talk about the book they are readings. Talking about books keeps the interest alive in the home.

• Don’t be perturbed by what the child chooses to read. They need to explore different reading material before they really discover what interests them.

• Boys need encouragement and will often choose books that are cartoon based, or more inclined to be fact-driven. All of this is acceptable. The important point is to keep your boy engaged in the act of reading. Take care not to force books on them as this can cause a block to reading. Consider audio books as an option.

• Don’t forget the importance of you, being a critical model. The more you demonstrate a love for reading you are giving your child a clear message that reading enriches your life and it is a force of great joy.

• Ensure easy access to books. Perhaps regular trips to the library or simply leaving easy reads around the house. Consider downloading free e books for your child.

• The child should feel happy and willing to choose the book. They will have more success with reading if they own what they read. The reluctant reader still has interests and maybe passions in different areas. This is where you can talk about their interests and bring home books that talk about their passions. Often this can stimulate a child to look into a book that might satisfy their thirst for knowledge. A reluctant reader can be tempted by books that give them important information that accommodates their interests.

• It was common practice in classrooms to have a dedicated thirty minutes to silent reading often after lunch. Children looked forward to this time which was mandated across the year and understood as an important part of a child’s learning across the week. Is something like this possible in your home?

• People will read for different purposes and this is always acceptable and the more likely reason for reading. Children will over time, gravitate to what they really enjoy in reading. Some love reading for pleasure, others read for information gathering and instructions. We all gain different outcomes from our reading experiences but while we are learning the art of reading we need to feel embraced by various options to read and to feel that we are enjoying the process.          

Everyone is entitled to be literate and to have access to information to help them through life. Reading, acquired early in life and in a climate of trust builds our confidence and provides necessary skills invaluable for life.

           ‘To learn to red is to light a fire; every syllable that is spelled out is a spark.’

                                                                              -Victor Hugo

Children who find school a struggle

Many children have times when they feel they are struggling not just with school but also with friends, home issues, siblings, etc. Children can and do have down times. It’s natural. Also there are some children who really find the process of school difficult academically and socially. There are many shades in between but it is reasonable to say that most children will have some struggles along the way. A proportion of this is acceptable, but when it gets out of hand it is necessary to intervene but effectively.

 Consider:

• If your child has outbursts of frustration then these must just happen. Sometimes frustration comes out through poor behaviour, moodiness, etc., but these feelings need to be expelled. It is their way of letting you know how poor they feel and they want you to have that same feeling. Best to let it happen and gently talk to them:

           ‘Seems like you have something on your mind. You are so upset.’

Here you are giving them a chance to simply talk about the matter. You are not asking the question, why?

• Creating space when tension builds is a great vehicle for a child letting off steam and it gives you the parent a chance to process what has just happened with the outburst. Many a time in the classroom, when tension was building up, we all went out for a quick run on the oval. It was an amazing way to break from the stress and it set the scene for a new direction. Fresh air and a quick walk can make all the difference for all parties concerned.

• After a child becomes reactive you cannot go straight into conversations,  trying to make sense of what has happened. They are simply not listening at that point and probably will not hear the logic of what you are saying. In our best interest we want to understand the behaviour but think about yourself after you have been quite upset, do you hear what people are saying to you? The same happens after shocks. That immediate follow up time is a time when listening is non existent.

• There is a tendency to naturally help our children excessively especially when we see them struggling. Whilst your assistance is needed and valued it, should be tempered with the child learning about failure and accepting that we learn through failure. However, a child must have feelings of success along the way. So I appreciate the care and balance you make as a caring parent when helping your child.

• Keep the school close to you. They are the key figures in formal learning for the child. They set homework and should take responsibility if it is too much for the child. Homework is very secondary as a learning tool and should not come between you and the child. Remember you are not the arbitrator of what the child learns. You are the loving parent giving reassurance.

• Helping your child put organisation into their life is a great way of supporting their learning. Many children can get overwhelmed by the school’s expectations and if you gently assist in helping them plan out the week this can reduce pressure.

• If you have a child inclined to build anxiety quickly then consider slowing down the expectations for the week. Tailor those expectations to suit how the child is coping and be flexible when it comes to domestic expectations etc. A change in pace can make all the difference for an anxious child who lacks confidence.

• Plenty of sleep and exercise is a critical dimension to a child’s life. Sometimes when a child is struggling at school they may have success through sport and they feel so much better.

• Try not to keep asking how are they going at school? They will tell you in due time. Asking too often can only encourage them to shut down and not talk about school at all. After all who wants to talk about feeling a failure? Turn your questions about school into a positive framework:

             ‘You seemed happy coming out of the classroom, I wonder what that was about?’

Classroom teachers are very conscious of providing daily balance for the children throughout the whole week. This balance is all about ensuring they have successes and they learn from mistakes. They should have moments of feeling good about their achievements and moments of being socially well accepted. It’s all about the right checks and balances and so too is our parenting, especially with those children more vulnerable.

‘There are two gifts we should give our children, is roots and the other is wings.’  

Feeling overwhelmed? It can happen to our children.

As the child grows from infancy to early childhood to adolescence, they are developing their ability to process information. This is a slow and steady progress and one which enables a child to understand and interpret the world they live in. To some degree, we simply take it for granted that our child understands and interprets the world and its surroundings the way we do. Not so!

This is where we can sometimes fall short of understanding where our child is at. They are processing at a different pace to us and will interpret situations based on what they see and understand. It is well understood that if a child is on the spectrum, they can easily be overcome by too much stimulus and the best way forward is to slow down what you put in front of your child. This actually applies to all our children. Do we expect too much of them when they are still absorbing and processing all sorts of information? It can easily be an overload.

Teachers are very skilled in planning their teaching to accommodate what the child is capable of interpreting and they set their expectations understanding that each child is on a learning continuum that continually shifts. An overstimulated and noisy room can be a deterrent to some children’s learning. Overtalking and presenting too many things at once can confuse and make a child feel vulnerable.

Think about your child and their ability to process what you say and how you ask them to do. The more we understand and reflect on their ability to process information, the better we communicate with them. We then begin to set realistic goals and enjoy the fruits of their labour.

Consider the following:

• The younger the child, the slower the processing and therefore it is important to only introduce new concepts one at a time. A child will listen and respond well if they are understanding the simple uncomplicated instructions.

                   For example,

‘Can you please pick up your toys’

‘Can you please pick up your toys, put the box in the corner and then help me set the table?’

Too complicated makes it too hard to follow the directions and so the child is lost in the maze of instructions.

• Get acquainted with how your child processes and choose the best times to give instructions.

• When reading stories together, talk about the sequence of events in the story. This helps develop their sense of processing information.

• Of course, the older the child, the more we expect them to process bigger slabs of information. This will vary from child to child and it can be a source of anxiety if the child is not keeping up with class expectations. If so, talk to the teacher about this matter.

• When a child feels overwhelmed by too much information, they simply shut down as a defence. When this happens, slowly unravel the details to make it more understandable to the child. Can you make things simpler so that the child comprehends the situation?

• Some children simply process at a slower pace than other children. There is nothing wrong with this as they often are children who want be accurate and get things right.

• When a child feels overwhelmed by too many instructions etc they can lose their confidence and feel a failure. We need to reassure our child that the pace of processing is irrelevant. We need to listen and take in some information slowly. Working at an almighty pace is not the goal to success. We live in an overstimulated world driven by speedy technology which seems to suggest faster is better.

• Understand that from time to time your child will feel overwhelmed. Help them by breaking down what is troubling them so that they can find a simple way of working through the issue.

Finally teaching your child to take things a little slower and smell the roses is not an easy lesson in today’s world. However, if you demonstrate how being more relaxed and less overwhelmed gives you a sense of personal satisfaction, it helps immensely.

‘When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, its our job to share our calm, not to join them.’

                                                                            -L.R.Knost.

Developing new curriculum with political agendas attached

Trying to build in politically correct curriculum in a primary setting is thwart with difficulty. For a start, children are slowly developing reason and this takes time and patience. If you give them information that has no relevance to their world, it is not likely to be retained in the longer term nor comprehended effectively.

Primary years are foundational years, where the curriculum should be mainly around developing a child’s literacy and numeracy skills. It touches on areas such as science and technology, raising awareness of the arts, physical education and of course social skills and some history. That is a very brief explanation. A child should leave the primary school with confidence in their ability to learn independently and to have an inquiring mind into learning. It is not a time to influence children in politically orientated agendas, which will always change over time. A confident learner, who is open to learning, is what we want for our children. When they are older and can reason and rationalise, then discussing political matters has its purpose.

In my experience of over 29 years as Principal, I have worked through at least four major changes in curriculum and I have developed some clear beliefs about this topic. The mere fact that changes occur sends shudders through teachers who have to relearn and professionally skill themselves with new material to teach, assess, plan etc. They will also bemoan the fact that much time is taken in class for realigning curriculum which means less teaching time. Teachers are by nature learners and will always try new material but of course within reason.

Teachers in a primary setting know all too well that they are developing children socially, emotionally, intellectually and physically. It is a mixture of many things, which ultimately bring a child to a sense of feeling secure and happy in their learning style.

 Curriculum should:

• Enable children to be confidently literate and numerate. This is a significant focus in our primary schools. Without these basic skills, understanding the world is very difficult. Tackling secondary school can be so difficult, given that they have expectations that are challenging for those less skilled in literacy and numeracy.

• Invite children to question. The more they question and engage in talking about their work, the greater capacity they have to learn.

• Be relevant for the times, having a focus on science and technology.

• Ensure success and feelings of well being are built into all programs.

• Give children a sense that they are capable learners.

The fundamental point here is that whatever new curriculum is designed, it needs to be robust and demand the best from our children. It should not be sullied or compromised by the inclusion of current political agendas. Having seen various curriculum initiatives over the years, the quality of teaching will only bring curriculum to life. The content is only a guideline, a framework. All is in the hands of the teacher. Let’s hear it for the skill of teachers!

‘Good teachers teach. Great teachers transform.’

                  - Queen Rania of Jordan