"I Just Don’t Know How to Help!" – A Parent’s Guide to Coping When School Gets Tough
Let’s take a closer look at how to gently support your child when school becomes a challenge. With slow, steady support, regular check-ins, and working through the ups and downs together, you’ll be showing them the kind of care that builds trust and resilience. Let’s break it down and explore how you can navigate this journey together.
Being a parent isn’t easy at the best of times, but when your child is upset about school or you’re worried they’re falling behind, it can feel overwhelming. You might wonder: Should I speak to the teacher? Should I push harder or back off? What if I make it worse?
You're not alone. Many parents feel this way. Let’s talk about what to do when school feels difficult for your child and for you.
Start with Listening
When a child says, “I hate school,” or “I’m bad at reading,” our instinct is often to jump in with reassurance or solutions. But first, just listen. Give them your full attention even just 5 minutes of focused listening can unlock what’s really going on.
Try saying:
• “I am wondering how school went today.”
• “That sounds tough. I’d feel upset too.”
Remember this is not about giving them the answers. At this stage it is simply listening and feeling their concern.
Break the Problem Into Small Pieces
Big school problems often have small, manageable parts. Once your child feels heard, you can gently help them name the problem.
Example issues:
• “I don’t get maths” might actually mean “I got stuck on subtraction.”
• “No one likes me” might mean “Two friends wouldn’t play with me today.”
Help your child zoom in. Small problems are easier to talk about and easier to solve. For the child at the time, they seem insurmountable.
Make a Simple Action Plan (Together)
Children feel more confident when they’re part of the solution. They need to feel ownership of the issue. Once you've listened and broken the problem down, brainstorm one small step together.
Examples of action steps:
• Practising reading at home to build confidence
• Writing a short note to the teacher about a worry
• Role-playing what to say to a friend at playtime
For you: Don’t hesitate to send a quick message to the teacher. A simple, kind email like “My child is a bit anxious about PE. Any suggestions?” can open a helpful door.
Let Go of "Perfect"
You don’t have to be a teacher or a therapist. You don’t need perfect answers. Children don’t need perfect parents. They need present ones. Just showing up, listening, and caring makes a huge difference.
If you're trying, you're already helping. Being authentic shows the child you are really wanting to help.
Some Reassurance
Most school struggles are temporary. Children are resilient and bounce back, especially when they have a parent who’s in their corner. This is not about solving the problem for them but being there, listening and together working on solutions. If you, the parent, take full ownership of their problem, they will disengage from it and they will have learnt nothing.
Example:
Tom, age 9, was refusing to go to school. After some gentle chats, his dad realized Tom was scared about changing seats. A quick word with the teacher helped, and they worked out a solution. Within a week, Tom was back at school and smiling.
One Last Thought
When school is tough, it can feel like you're both in the storm. But storms pass. What matters most is that your child knows you're by their side..With slow and steady support, recognizing that it is a problem for them is critical to their sense of security. Working through the problem together and checking in to see how they are going is the best way to show you care.
Letting Go a Little: Why Gradual Independence Matters for Your Child’s Growth
Letting go a little doesn't mean stepping back; it means stepping alongside. Gail Smith shares how allowing our children to try, stumble, and learn with our support (not control) builds the confidence and independence they need to grow.
One of the hardest parts of parenting is knowing when to step back. We want to keep our children safe, happy, and successful, and sometimes that means we hold on too tightly and are frightened of them making mistakes. We need to start giving them gradual independence, little by little, day by day, even though some of this independence will mean making mistakes which can be upsetting.
We are not leaving them to figure things out alone. It means letting them try, stumble, learn, and succeed with our support, not our control. They learn to know we are there when really needed. If they think we are about control, they will step back and lose interest.
Why Does Gradual Independence Matter?
In today’s world, it can feel risky to let children do things on their own. However it is more risky not to enable your child to cope with the real world and to rely on others to solve problems. There’s pressure to protect them from failure, frustration, and even boredom. But the truth is:
✅ Children learn by doing, not by watching.
✅ Confidence comes from experience, not praise alone.
✅ Resilience is built through overcoming small challenges.
Gradually gaining independence awakens in the child a wonderful sense of personal satisfaction and confidence. It is quite liberating!
Real-Life Examples of Where It Matters
1. Getting Ready for School
It might be quicker (and tidier!) to pack their bag, zip their coat, and butter their toast. But every time we take over, we take away a learning opportunity.
💡 Instead:
Teach them how to check a simple morning list: bag packed, lunchbox in, coat on, shoes by the door. It’ll take patience at first, but it pays off fast, and they’ll feel proud doing it themselves.
2. Friendships and Play
If your child says, “He won’t play with me,” it’s tempting to jump in and fix it. But these small moments are chances to learn negotiation, sharing, and handling disappointment.
💡 Instead:
Ask questions like: “What could you try next time?” or “How do you think he felt?” Help them think through solutions but let them do the talking.
3. Homework and Learning
You want your child to succeed, so it’s natural to sit beside them and guide every step. But they need to learn how to think, not just how to get the answer. This may involve learning from mistakes.
💡 Instead:
Support them to plan their time, set up a quiet space, and check their own work. You’re building independence and responsibility. Homework is also the responsibility of the school and child, not the parent.
4. Problem Solving
From a forgotten jumper to a missed club, let children experience small consequences safely.
💡 Instead:
If they forget something, avoid racing to school with it. Next time, they’ll remember. These low stakes “failures” teach responsibility better than lectures ever could.
What Gets in the Way?
Fear of failure: We worry a mistake will hurt their confidence, but small stumbles teach big lessons.
Time pressure: Life is busy, and doing it ourselves is faster, but it delays learning.
Wanting to protect: We want to shield them from discomfort, but facing challenges with our support grows courage. Children want to feel in control.
How to Start Giving Gradual Independence
Think of it like riding a bike:
1. You hold the saddle.
2. You run beside them.
3. You let go... but stay nearby.
4. You cheer them on even if they wobble.
Every step tells them:
“You’re capable. I believe in you. I feel very happy when I see you showing independence.”
Final Thought: Independence Isn’t the End of Parenting, It’s Part of It
Gradual independence actually brings your child closer to you. It’s about walking beside them while they grow stronger legs. When we give children the space to try, we give them the chance to thrive, and they value the gradual freedom you give them.
So let go, just a little, and watch what they can do. See how creative and confident they become as they happily take charge of their own life.
How to Support Your Child’s Mental Health Through School Without Over Complicating It
Supporting your child’s well-being doesn’t have to mean long lectures or expensive therapies. Gail Smith shares simple yet effective ways that you can apply to make a real difference in supporting your child's mental health.
School is a huge part of your child’s life. It can be stressful. From friendship fallouts to academic pressure, it’s no wonder mental health is one of the top concerns for families today. But supporting your child’s well-being doesn’t have to mean long lectures or expensive therapies. Sometimes, it’s the simple, everyday things that make the biggest difference.
Consider:
Teach Them to Name Their Feelings and You Name Yours Too
Kids can't manage what they can't name.
Instead of just asking “How was school?”, try asking:
• “What was something that made you happy/sad/frustrated today?”
• “Was there a moment today you felt proud of yourself?”
Better yet, model it yourself: “I felt nervous today because of a big meeting, but I took some deep breaths and got through it.”
Why this works: Kids learn to recognize and handle emotions when they hear you doing it.
Make Space for ‘Down Time’ After School
Imagine finishing a long workday and going straight into more tasks — exhausting, right? Kids need that same recovery time.
Instead of asking them to immediately do homework or talk about the day, try:
• 20 minutes of quiet play
• A snack and a cuddle on the sofa
• Listening to music together
Why this works: It helps them regulate and reset, which makes later conversations or homework battles much easier. We all need space across the day.
Focus on Effort, Not Just Results
When your child shares a test score or project result, it’s tempting to focus on what they got. But instead, try praising the effort behind it:
• “I’m so proud of how hard you worked on that.”
• “I love how you kept going, even when it was tough.”
Why this works: Kids learn that trying is what counts, which builds resilience when things don’t go perfectly. It's OK to get some things wrong.
Keep an Eye on Friendships and Step In If Needed
Friendships are huge for kids' mental health.
Ask casually:
• “Who did you hang out with today?”
• “What was the best part of playtime?”
If you notice they’re upset about friends often, don’t dismiss it. Offer to role-play tricky situations or brainstorm what to say if things get tough. Remember you are not there to take over the problem.
Why this works: Feeling socially safe helps kids relax, focus, and enjoy school more.
Let Teachers Know if Something’s Up
If your child is struggling with sleep issues, anxiety, friendship worries, tell the teacher. You don’t need to give every detail, but a heads-up helps them watch out and support your child in small, thoughtful ways. They spend many hours with them in the best part of the day.
Example email you could send:
"Hi Miss Smith, just wanted to let you know that Jack has been feeling a bit anxious lately, especially in class. If you notice anything or have suggestions, we’d love to hear from you."
Why this works: Teachers can’t help with what they don’t know, and they want to help.
“Supporting your child’s mental health isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present”
Five simple but practical ideas for parents to find a balance between a busy life and dealing with school matters.
Balancing work, life, and your child’s school commitments can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. Gail Smith shares five simple yet practical tips to help busy parents stay engaged with their child’s education while managing their own demanding schedules. While perfection may be out of reach, these strategies can help you find a better, more manageable balance.
Consider these five simple but practical ideas for parents to balance their busy lives while staying engaged with your child’s school matters:
The 10-Minute School Check-in
Set aside just 10 minutes a day to ask about school—over breakfast, on the drive home, or at bedtime. Keep it simple: "What was the best part of your day?" or "Did anything tricky happen today?" Small conversations build strong connections without overwhelming your schedule.
Use Technology to Stay Updated
Sign up for school emails, apps, or newsletters to get quick updates without needing extra time. Skim through messages during coffee breaks or while waiting in line. If possible, set up alerts for key school dates so you don’t miss important events.
Prioritize What Really Matters
You don’t have to attend every event! Choose one or two school activities per term that fit your schedule, like a parents’ evening or a fun day. This keeps you involved without adding stress.
Turn Everyday Moments into Learning
Use daily tasks to support your child’s education. Cooking? Talk about measurements. Shopping? Discuss money and budgeting. This helps reinforce school skills without extra work.
Team Up with Other Parents
Share school runs, swap event updates, or take turns attending meetings and passing on key points. A parent support network lightens the load and keeps everyone informed.
School is ever present in your life as well as your own work demands. There is never a perfect balance, but finding opportunities to throw in a few educational moments and to simply enjoy your child, is so important across that busy week.
“There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one.”
Finishing the school year well
As the school year draws to a close, it’s the perfect opportunity for parents to reflect on how to wrap up the year meaningfully and start planning for the holidays and the exciting possibilities beyond. Gail Smith shares her ideas on how to approach this thoughtfully and effectively.
As we approach the end of the school year there are excited thoughts of closure and new beginnings coming into a child’s mind. It is a great time as parents to reflect on how closure should look like for the school year and how planning for holidays and beyond should commence.
Consider the following:
Celebrate Achievements, Big and Small
Acknowledge your child's efforts and progress, not just academic results. In a world where comparison is rampant, affirming their unique journey builds confidence and resilience. It is all about the process.
Reflect on Social and Emotional Growth
Ask yourself: How has my child grown in managing friendships, emotions, or challenges this year? These skills are as important as academics in preparing them for the future.
Address Gaps or Concerns Early
If your child struggled academically, socially, or emotionally, now is the time to create a plan for improvement over the summer. Talk to teachers or explore summer programs to help bridge gaps. Do it gently with still plenty of recreation built in.
Plan Purposeful Summer Activities
Balance relaxation with opportunities for learning and growth. Enrol them in camps, encourage hobbies, or plan family activities that nurture curiosity, creativity, and physical health.
Stay Connected with the School Community
End the year by expressing gratitude to teachers and staff. Building positive relationships now sets the tone for smoother communication and collaboration in the next school year.
Each school year will come with highs and lows. Friendships may change and feelings of anxiety may creep in at the thought of changing classes and teachers. Holidays should be a time to refresh, break routine and enjoy personal space. It is a wonderful time for family to renew relationships and simply enjoy each other where routine and responsibilities are no more for a short time.
“Closing the school year happily and with reflection invites a fresh start in the new year.”
Be a Parent with Purpose: 5 Outstanding Ways to Parent with Intention
Gail Smith shares 5 powerful ways to parent with intention, helping you build trust, love, and growth in your child’s life. It’s about being mindful, consistent, and present—not perfect.
We don’t have to try too hard but with simple behaviour that is solid and reliable you can make a big difference for your child.
Model Values You Want to Teach
Children learn more from what they see than what they’re told. Be intentional about modelling kindness, patience, respect, and responsibility.
Example: If you want your child to be empathetic, let them see you helping others and speaking kindly, even when things are tough.
Create Meaningful Family Rituals
Family traditions foster connection and give children a sense of belonging. Purposeful rituals—like a weekly game night or gratitude journal — build memories and reinforce family values.
Example: Start each day by sharing affirmations with your child.
Focus on Connection Over Perfection
It’s easy to get caught up in the desire to parent perfectly, but children thrive when they feel emotionally connected to their parents. Spend time listening, hugging, and laughing together.
Example: Instead of correcting every mistake, use them as opportunities to bond and teach. For instance, say, “I love you even when things go wrong.”
Encourage Independence with Guidance
Purposeful parents prepare their children for the real world by teaching problem-solving, accountability, and independence. Step back when appropriate but offer a safety net when needed.
Example: Give your child age-appropriate responsibilities, like managing their homework, and discuss their challenges instead of solving problems for them.
Prioritize Presence Over Multitasking
Being present means giving your full attention, even if just for a few minutes each day. It’s not about the amount of time but the quality of your engagement.
Example: Set aside 15-20 minutes daily to talk without distractions—no phones, just undivided attention. Ask open-ended questions like, “What was the best part of your day?”
These strategies will help parents embrace their roles with intention, fostering trust, love, and growth in their children’s lives. Being a purposeful parent means being mindful, consistent, and engaged—not perfect, just present.
“Your presence around your child gives them comfort and reassurance.”
Practical tips for parents to help their children develop executive function skills
Are you struggling to boost your child's executive function skills at home? In this blog, Gail Smith shares simple yet practical tips to help improve their school performance with easy, everyday activities that can all operate from the home environment.
We are always keen to help our children improve their learning capacity at school. There are some practical and useful ways we can support them in this area. Many of the things you currently do may be also useful in supporting your child’s learning. Consider the ideas below that can all operate from the home environment. Perhaps you are currently using these techniques as part of your routine?
Create Daily Routines and Visual Schedules
Why: Routines build predictability, helping children develop organisation and time management skills.
How: Work with your child to create a visual schedule for school days, including tasks like homework, chores, and downtime. Use calendars, to-do lists, or apps that show progress, such as a checklist where they can cross off completed tasks.
Encourage Breaks and Time Management.
Why: Children learn to manage their focus and energy better when they alternate between work and rest. We all need to learn the balance.
How: Teach them to study for 25-minute blocks followed by 5-minute breaks (Pomodoro technique). Use timers to keep track, making it easier to stay focused and avoid burnout.
Use Games and Activities to Strengthen Working Memory
Why: Strong working memory helps children hold and use information for tasks like following instructions and solving problems.
How: Play memory-boosting games such as card-matching games, Simon Says, or apps designed to challenge working memory (e.g., puzzles or brain-training games).
Model and Teach Self-Regulation Strategies
Why: Self-regulation helps children manage emotions and impulses, crucial for staying on task and following through on assignments.
How: Practice mindfulness techniques together, such as deep breathing or counting to ten. Encourage them to pause before reacting impulsively to frustration or distractions.
Promote Independence Through Goal Setting and Reflection
Why: Setting goals fosters accountability and helps children develop problem-solving skills.
How: Start with small, achievable goals (e.g., “Complete maths homework by 5 PM”). Afterwards, discuss what worked and what could improve. This reflection builds self-awareness and teaches them to adjust their strategies over time.
These tips provide hands-on ways for parents to nurture their child’s executive function skills, making academic tasks easier and improving school performance. You will enjoy being actively involved with them and demonstrating how you also value ways to improve your ongoing learning.
“The wider the range of possibilities we offer children, the more intense will be their motivations and the richer their experiences.”
Opinions: Can be damning to a child if not managed well
Everyone has opinions, but it’s important to teach children not to base their self-worth on what others think. Gail Smith shares tips on how to help kids understand that they are capable of making good decisions for themselves and should trust their own judgment.
We all have opinions. What we need to teach our children is that you do not judge yourself on what others think of you. From an early age we remind our children that they are worthy of making good judgements for themselves.
Teach your children that:
• What other people say about or to you can only affect you if you believe them. This is all about building their self worth.
• You are in charge of how you feel. When you get others bringing you down keep reminding yourself that they have no value at all.
• No one can make you feel inferior without our consent, said Eleanor Roosevelt. Therefore, you do not give anyone consent to put you down.
• Be proud of your opinions and know that they are valued. Not everyone may believe them but they are yours to own and to express to others. After all success comes from believing in yourself.
• Gravitate around positive people that are not in the habit of bringing people down. This makes for happier lasting friendships.
• People that have strong opinions about others are usually very poor listeners and are not interesting to be around as a friend. In fact they can bring you down very easily as they control the conversations usually in a negative way.
• Choose friends wisely as this will be a big boost to a happy childhood.
Finally teach your children that you are there to listen to them with no judgement and that you value what they have to say. With affirming parenting, they will take advantage of your wisdom.
“Listen to your child’s opinions and applaud their creative approach to life.”
Teach your child to set goals. It is a great life skill.
The more your child develops their independence by relying less on others and more on themselves, the more they become inclined to set their own personal goals with confidence and determination. In her insightful discussion, Gail Smith shares some practical and effective suggestions to help your child in this important area of growth and self-discovery.
Sometimes the thought of setting up goals can be daunting. If however, you teach your child to start small and build up slowly, their expectations will grow steadily and they will gradually see the fruits of their labour. Once feeling success from setting goals the interest grows in setting up more goals.
Here are some suggestions to help your child in this area. The examples are helpful to put goal setting in context.
Start Small
Encourage setting small, achievable goals to build confidence.
• Example: "This week, let's try to clean up your toys every day before dinner."
Lead by Example
Show them how you set and achieve your own goals.
• Example: "I want to read one book this month. What goal can you set for yourself?"
Break Big Goals into Steps
Teach them to divide larger goals into manageable tasks.
• Example: "You want to finish your school project. Let's start by gathering materials today."
Celebrate Progress
Recognize and reward efforts to keep motivation high.
• Example: "You practised piano for 10 minutes every day this week—let's celebrate with a special treat!"
Make Goals Fun
Turn goal-setting into a game or challenge.
• Example: "Let’s see if you can improve your running time by 10 seconds each week. We'll keep track together!"
Teach Reflection
Encourage them to think about what worked and what didn't after achieving (or not achieving) their goal.
• Example: "You finished your book! How did breaking it into chapters help you reach your goal?"
Encourage Long-term Goals
Help them think ahead and set goals that take longer to achieve.
• Example: "You want to learn to ride a bike without training wheels. Let’s practice for 15 minutes every day."
Provide Support and Guidance
Offer help without doing it for them, so they feel ownership of their goals.
• Example: "I'll help you study for your spelling test, but you can choose the words you need to practice."
In simple ways you can use goals setting as a way of life. The more your child grows independent of relying less on others and more on themselves, the more they are inclined to set their own goals with confidence.
“Be a goal setter in your own life and see how your child will easily adapt to such habits.”
Parents can teach their children to make wiser choices.
As parents, you can teach your children to make wiser decisions. Follow these steps to guide them in learning how to pause, think, and consider the consequences of their actions, which will lead to wiser decision-making over time.
As your child matures they begin to develop reasoning and start to reflect on a deeper understanding of what life and decisions are all about. As a parent you can encourage behaviour that will lead to your child valuing wiser decisions.
Consider the following:
Encourage Thinking Ahead
Parent: “Before you make a decision, try to think about what might happen next. For example, if you choose to stay up late playing games, you might be too tired for school the next day. What do you think is the best choice?”
Lesson: Helps children develop foresight by considering the consequences of their actions.
Ask Questions, Don’t Just Give Answers
Parent: “What do you think will happen if you share your toy? How would you feel if someone did the same for you?”
Lesson: Teaches them to evaluate situations from different perspectives rather than just reacting impulsively.
Teach the Power of Pausing
Parent: “When you feel unsure or upset, it’s okay to pause for a moment before making a choice. Taking a deep breath can help you think more clearly.”
Lesson: Encourages emotional regulation and thoughtful decision-making, rather than acting on impulse.
Model Wise Decision-Making
Parent: “I was going to buy this thing, but then I realized we don’t really need it right now. I’ll wait until we save more money, and if we still want it then, I’ll get it.”
Lesson: Children learn from observing how their parents weigh options and make responsible choices.
Give Them Controlled Choices
Parent: “You can choose to do your homework now and have free time later, or you can play now and have less time for fun later. What do you think is the better choice?”
Lesson: Provides practice with decision-making and lets them experience the outcomes of their choices in a safe, controlled environment.
Discuss Past Decisions
Parent: “Remember when you didn’t wear a jacket last time and got cold? How will you choose differently today when it’s chilly?”
Lesson: Reflecting on past decisions helps children connect past experiences to better future choices.
Teach Problem-Solving Steps
Parent: “When you have to make a choice, try to follow these steps: 1) Identify the problem, 2) Think of possible solutions, 3) Consider what might happen with each solution, and 4) Make your choice.”
Lesson: Provides a framework for making informed decisions and builds confidence in their ability to think through problems.
Explain the Impact of Peer Pressure
Parent: “Sometimes friends might ask you to do something that doesn’t feel right. It’s okay to say no if you think it’s not a good choice for you.”
Lesson: Helps them understand the importance of staying true to their own values and making independent choices, even under pressure.
These examples help guide children in learning to pause, think, and consider the consequences of their actions, leading to wiser decision-making over time.
Teaching wisdom from an early age will lead your child to make and want decisions based on clear thinking and planned decision making. This will help them cope better with the rigours of adolescence, peer group pressure etc.
“Be a wise parent and teach your child the value of making wise decisions.”
Teaching children about the value of making good choices
It’s important to encourage our children to recognize the difference and to understand that their choices can shape their lives in profound ways. Who they become is a reflection of the decisions they make. Gail Smith emphasizes the importance of empowering children to make their own choices, highlighting the positive impact it can have on their growth and development.
We can all choose to make choices that can either hinder or enlighten our lives. For example you can choose to have a go or you can choose to not have a go. We should encourage our children to learn the difference and to understand that when we make those choices they can affect our life in different ways.
Who we are is a result of the choices we make.
Consider the following ideas about the impact on a child when they make their own choices:
Promotes Responsibility: When children learn that their choices have consequences, they develop a sense of accountability. They understand that choosing to work hard or make responsible decisions directly impacts their success and happiness.
Builds Self-Confidence: Allowing children to make choices reinforces their belief in their own abilities. Whether they succeed or fail, knowing that they had the power to choose builds confidence in their decision-making skills.
Fosters Independence: By making their own decisions, children learn to rely on themselves instead of always seeking approval or guidance from others. This fosters independence and helps them navigate life with more confidence.
Develops Critical Thinking: When children are taught to weigh the pros and cons of their choices, they develop critical thinking skills. They learn how to assess situations, predict outcomes, and make thoughtful decisions rather than impulsive ones.
Supports Emotional Growth: Understanding that they have control over their actions and thoughts (e.g. choosing to think positively) helps children manage their emotions. They learn that their choices can influence how they feel and respond to situations, which is key to emotional resilience.
These lessons empower children to shape their lives with intention and self-awareness. Don’t forget to affirm them when you see positive outcomes from choices they make themselves.
“The more a child experiences positive outcomes from making good choices, the more insight they develop about themselves.”
Good principles of parenting
The idea of being a perfect parent is a myth. Instead, Gail Smith shares some fundamental principles that can guide us through the ups and downs of parenting. These practices will help you navigate challenges and changes with greater confidence throughout your parenting journey.
Let’s keep in mind that our parenting will keep changing as we gradually grow into it and as our children grow older and their needs change. It is in constant evolution. What we need to keep stable are some fundamental principles of good parenting. They will hold us in good stead in times of turbulence and change throughout our parenting years.
Consider the following principles:
Unconditional Love
Love your child for who they are, not just for what they do. Your love is their safe haven in the world. Unconditional love means that despite behaviour that you do not like, you still love the child. It is only behaviour driven by some anxiety.
Active Listening
When you listen to your child with an open heart, you show them that their voice matters. It's the key to understanding and connection. Effective listening allows the child to feel heard and valued. They are then more inclined to go to you when they are anxious and need to be heard.
Setting Boundaries with Empathy
Boundaries are like the walls of a safe playground. Set them with love and understanding, so your child can explore the world confidently. Boundaries allow the child to know where they stand and what matters to you the parent.
Positive Reinforcement
Praise their effort and progress, not just the end result. Your encouragement fuels their motivation to learn and grow. Be specific when praising. Let the child know what is valued in the praise.
Teaching Through Example
Your actions speak louder than words. Be the role model you want your child to follow, and they'll learn from your example.
Embracing Mistakes as Learning
Mistakes are stepping stones, not stumbling blocks. Show your child that it's okay to make mistakes; it's how we learn and improve. Let them see in your own life how you use mistakes to inform your life. Talk openly about how mistakes are a great learning tool.
Provide a safe haven
A child that feels safe takes more risks and learns more confidently through their home environment. Set it up so that conversation is encouraged and affirmation is given regularly. Let there be no judgement on their efforts.
Set up a positive learning environment
This should be a creative space where your child feels safe to talk about issues, develop ideas and discuss topics. Allow your child to explore their thinking in a home and family environment that is open to ideas and questions all the time. They will feel free to be creative and extend ideas and thoughts well beyond the conventional.
We can never be the perfect parent. That is a myth. We can however be a parent that understands and works hard to practise some basis principles that hold strong and true through your rearing years.
“Learning some basic principles of parenting provides a safety zone for good parenting.”
Mental well being needs to be nourished over the years
Building a healthy mental state in children doesn't happen overnight—it's about cultivating steady, consistent habits within the family. When children learn to explore and inquire about life, they become more resilient, embracing challenges rather than fearing them. Gail Smith offers practical suggestions to help boost your child's mental health, fostering a mindset where curiosity and confidence flourish.
There is no quick fix to building a healthy mental state with our children. Slow steady consistent habits developed in your family can be great boosters for mental health.
Consider:
Affirm the small achievements.
They do not need to be on a large scale but you recognize in your child some simple milestones that they have made. That could be at school, sporting efforts, improved attitudes, showing generosity, demonstrating gratitude etc.
Give them the liberty of talking about issues.
Sometimes we jump in fairly quickly and can place judgement on what they have to say. Just be an effective listener without showing strong opinions and let the conversation flow. You may learn something interesting.
Play and enjoy their childhood.
A happy child who plays often and lives in a world where they can be creative and free show a greater ability to be less stressed throughout life. We all need a good childhood. Play with them.
Gradually build their independence.
From birth, a child is working to be more independent. Your support in giving them small opportunities as the years go by, will give them personal satisfaction in managing themselves. As they grow in independence, they feel emotionally in charge and ready for more challenges. They accept failure more easily and see it as a learning curve.
Let them think critically
A critical thinking child develops strong emotional independence. Talk frequently to your child and let them ask questions often. Guide them in thinking about optional viewpoints and keep their minds open to new ideas. A closed mind is dangerous
A child who learns to inquire about life is not frightened about the challenges it offers. In fact they invite them.
“Those foundation years need ongoing nourishment and enrichment to keep developing good mental health.”
Be the parent and not the friend to your child - that’s what they need
Be your children's best friend or be their parent? While we naturally want to support and comfort our children, sometimes the best way to do that is by making clear, rational decisions—even when it means not always being their best friend. After all, being the best parent often means making tough choices for the well-being of your child.
We all want that close and connected relationship with our child. We sometimes think that being their close friend is the best way to show how much you love your child. Whilst all goes well it may seem a perfect situation but at some point you will need to be the parents as this may come with some stresses and strains on the relationship. Your child really looks for the parent in you and that comes with responsibility and accountability.
The following ideas are sound and compelling reasons why being the parent gives you the greatest chance to have a strong and healthy relationship where you can share friendship and joy in a balanced way. Parents need to be parents, not friends:
1. Boundaries Create Security and Structure for Children!
2. Children Need Guidance, Not Peer-Level Approval!
3. Discipline from a Parent Shapes Responsible Adults!
4. A Parent’s Authority Builds Respect and Trust!
5. Children Look to Parents for Leadership, Not Friendship!
6. Parenting with Authority Encourages Healthy Decision-Making!
We all want to be there for our children when they need us. This may require clear thinking and rational decision making. This does not always mean that you are their best friend but in fact their best parent.
“Your child needs the parent in you. Not the child.”
Keep A Look Out For Signs Of Stress In Your Child
In today's world, we often check in on our children's mental health. Social media and other challenges faced by youth remind us to stay vigilant. Gail Smith points out some common triggers that may indicate your child is under too much stress. By recognizing these signs, you can better gauge your child's well-being and offer support when needed. It's important to keep an eye out for these cues to ensure your child feels safe and supported.
We live in a world where we intermittently check in on our children's mental health. The pressures through social media and other youth-driven challenges alert us to the need to be vigilant. Below are some known triggers that can be a sign of unacceptable stress in your child. Some stress is normal, and we live with it, finding ways to work it through our life. However, when stress is out of control, we need to intervene. Occasionally tap into your child's well-being index by checking in to these signs:
Changes in Sleep Patterns
Difficulty falling or staying asleep or frequent nightmares can indicate stress. Conversely, a child may sleep excessively to escape stressful feelings.
Behavioural Changes
Increased irritability, mood swings, or withdrawal from family and friends can be signs of stress. A usually outgoing child becoming withdrawn or a calm child suddenly acting out can be indicators.
Physical Symptoms
Complaints of headaches, stomachaches, or other unexplained physical symptoms can manifest as stress. These symptoms often occur without a medical cause and can be recurring.
Academic Performance
A sudden drop in grades, lack of interest in school, or difficulty concentrating on schoolwork can be signs of stress. Stress can impact cognitive functions and overall academic engagement. Always check first with the teacher.
Changes in Eating Habits
Noticeable changes in appetite, such as eating much more or much less than usual, can be a response to stress. This includes skipping meals or binge eating.
Regression to Earlier Behaviours
Reverting to behaviours typical of a younger age, such as bed wetting, clinginess, or thumb-sucking, can indicate that a child is experiencing stress and is seeking comfort.
Frequent Crying
A child who cries easily or often without a clear reason may be experiencing stress. This can be a way for them to release pent-up emotions.
Avoidance Behaviours
A child might try to avoid certain situations or activities that they previously enjoyed, or that are typical for their age group. This could include avoiding school, social events, or specific tasks.
Increased Dependency
A stressed child may become more clingy or dependent on their parents or caregivers, seeking constant reassurance and comfort.
Excessive Worrying or Fearfulness
Persistent worry about various aspects of their life, including school, family, or friends, can be a sign of stress. This might manifest as asking repetitive questions about upcoming events or expressing fears that seem disproportionate to the situation.
When you build a relationship that is open and honest with your child, you will find that your child is more willing to talk to you about their feelings of stress. The above thoughts are just a guiding tool to raise your awareness of symptoms of unacceptable stress that may appear in your child from time to time.
The stress your child feels will be lightened by your ever loving and understanding presence. -Gail J Smith
How to choose the best school for your child?
Choosing the right school for your child is a significant decision. While no school is perfect, it's essential that children feel welcomed and safe to learn. So, how do you select the best school? Gail Smith shares insightful pointers to help you navigate this crucial aspect of raising children.
At this stage of the year many parents are reflecting on where to send their first child to school. It is also useful for all parents of children in schools to reflect on what your school is currently offering your child. Is it living up to those expectations you have of it? Is your child happy at school?
Here are some reflections on how you can research your local schools. Keep in mind though that your participation and engagement with that school will make all the difference to your child's success in that environment.
Consider:
• Consider the school's proximity to your home or workplace for ease of commute and involvement. Also consider your child will establish friends at that school and this will impact on your social life at home as often children want to play with friends outside of school hours.
• Look at the school’s curriculum and special programs to see if they align with your child’s learning style and interests. Is the school looking into optional programs to support various children's needs?
• Smaller class sizes often mean more individual attention for your child. Check the teacher- student ratio. Consider is the school likely to grow in numbers quickly as that will affect class sizes?
• Research the school’s reputation through reviews from other parents, online ratings, and talking to local community members.
• Ensure the school offers a range of extracurricular activities that match your child’s interests, such as sports, arts, or clubs.
• Visit the school to get a feel for its culture and values. Make sure it aligns with your family’s values and supports a positive environment. Attend functions such as s school fairs to get a feel for the environment.
• Check the quality of the school’s facilities, including classrooms, libraries, sports areas, and technology. Are their any plans for new buildings, renovations etc.?
• Find out what support services are available, such as counselling, special education, and tutoring programs.
• Assess how the school communicates with parents and the opportunities available for parental involvement.
• Review the school’s safety protocols and discipline policies to ensure a secure and well- managed environment.
• Look at the school’s performance data, such as test scores and graduation rates, to gauge academic success. Take care though that this is only one feature of a school. Your child's learning is very holistic and they will need development in their social, emotional and physical development alongside side the intellectual development.
• Take a tour of the school, meet the staff, and observe classes to get a firsthand impression.
A school can be many things to children. Primarily they need to feel welcomed and believe that they can safely learn in that environment. No school environment is perfect. What is important is that your child feels strongly connected to the school and can grow with confidence and the reassurance that everyone is there for them.
“The quality of your child’s education at any school will be enriched by your relationship to that school.”
Information every parent should know about their child's school
Schools can be complex environments, but staying connected can make navigating them much easier. Gail Smith offers valuable tips to help parents gain a deeper understanding and more rewarding experience of school life.
Every school is different. The culture is different and how a school thinks and operates varies. As a parent, keeping in touch with your child's school, is the key to getting the best from the experience. Here are some ideas facts that you should consider so that you understand and gain a rich experience from the school as a parent.
• Know the daily schedule, including start and end times, and keep track of important dates like holidays, parent-teacher conferences, and special events.
• Understand what subjects are being taught and any key projects or assignments your child will have throughout the year. Teachers will publish all these details often early in the year.
• Get to know your child’s teachers, their teaching styles, and how to contact them for any concerns or questions. Every teacher will have a different style and knowing them will help you understand what they have to say.
• Familiarize yourself with the school’s policies on attendance, discipline, homework, and dress code. A school will always rely on their major policies especially when things go wrong.
• Learn about the extracurricular options available, such as sports teams, clubs, and arts programs, and encourage your child to participate.
• Be aware of any support services the school offers, like counselling, special education, tutoring, and health services.
• Find out how you can get involved, whether through volunteering, joining the PTA, or attending school board meetings. There are many day events across the year and perhaps tapping into these occasions will give you more awareness of school life.
• Know how the school communicates with parents (emails, newsletters, apps) and stay updated on any announcements or alerts.
• Understand the school’s safety protocols, including procedures for emergencies, lock downs, and how they handle bullying.
• Learn about the school’s culture, values, and any unique programs or initiatives they have to support student development.
• Know the details of your child's transportation options, including bus routes, pick-up/drop- off times, and safety rules.
Schools are complex places but when you feel connected to the school, doors are open a lot easier and your knowledge of school life will ease your anxieties when unhealthy rumours spread. It is simply a matter of being in touch across the year and together with your child, enjoying the experience of learning.
“Your child’s school should be a happy learning space for yourself as well as your child.”
As a parent be involved in your child's school.
Your child spends many hours per week at school, making it a significant part of their life. By engaging in their school journey, you reinforce the value of formal learning and support their emotional and intellectual growth. It's crucial to be part of that experience. Gail Smith shares several effective ways for parents to ensure excellent communication and involvement in their child's school life. Read on to discover how you can make a positive impact!
Here are several effective ways for parents to ensure excellent communication and involvement in their child's school life. The more you learn about your child's school life, the happier your child will be feeling that their school is seen by you as important.
• Regularly attending scheduled parent-teacher conferences to discuss your child's progress and address any concerns is important in being connected to the school.
• Offer to help with school events, field trips, or in the classroom to stay engaged and understand the school environment better. This is a great way to get to know the staff more informally who are teaching your child.
• Become a member of the Parent-Teacher Association or school council to stay informed and contribute to decision-making processes. Here you can have an input into school policy and curriculum development.
• Actively use school communication platforms such as emails, apps, or newsletters to stay updated on school news and your child's activities. You can always make an appointment to see your child's teacher when concerned about matters.
• Set up regular informal check-ins with your child's teacher to monitor academic and social progress. This can be casual or more formal. A spontaneous chat with the teacher can make a lot of difference in easing tensions etc.
• Set up a consistent homework routine and offer help when needed, showing interest in your child's schoolwork. Remember homework set by the teacher is the responsibility of the school. If a child is struggling with homework demand then contact the teacher.
• Go to school programs, assemblies, and performances to show support for your child's extracurricular activities. Your presence will become a powerful statement at the school.
• Attend workshops or seminars offered by the school to better understand educational methods and child development. The more comfortable you are with educational matters the easier it is to be an active member at the school.
• Get involved in school fundraisers and community events to support the school's resources and network with other parents. You learn a lot about the school culture by participating in events.
• Talk to your child daily about their school experiences, listen to their concerns, and celebrate their achievements. In this way they know that you are genuinely interested in them.
Your child spends many hours per week at school. It will become a consuming part of their life. By sharing their journey at school you are reinforcing the value of formal learning and supporting their emotional and intellectual growth that will be immensely influenced by the school environment. For that reason, you need to be part of that experience.
“A parent who engages well with the school, gains so much more enjoyment of their child.”
What do we as parents expect from our children?
Becoming a parent means transitioning into a consultant role for your child as they grow and become more responsible for their own lives. Your steady support and guidance will shape their future significantly. Gail Smith shares some essential considerations for parents as we navigate the challenges that concern us or cause discontent.
Sometimes it is worthwhile to reflect on what we expect from our children. In doing this we can challenge ourselves about how we tackle issues that worry us or make us discontent. Also it encourages us to reflect on our expectations and to question the standards we set for our children.
Consider:
Respect: Parents want their children to treat them and others with respect, including following instructions, listening attentively, and showing empathy. Of course they will learn much about respect from our own modelling.
Responsibility: Parents hope their children will take responsibility for their actions, chores, and commitments, demonstrating independence and accountability. In taking responsibility they will need to be gradually given more independence.
Success: Parents desire their children to succeed in various aspects of life, whether academically, professionally, or personally, achieving their goals and aspirations. Remember to set expectations that are realistic and not simply your dreams. This can be a CHALLENGE FOR SOME PARENTS.
Happiness: Above all, parents want their children to be happy and content, pursuing activities and relationships that bring them joy and fulfilment. By giving them many and varied opportunities to experience life will create a thirst for more, especially in seeking happiness.
Kindness: Parents value kindness and compassion in their children, hoping they will be considerate and helpful towards others, fostering positive relationships and community spirit. This is where good modelling is important. Surround your children with well balanced people as well.
Resilience: Parents wish for their children to develop resilience and perseverance, being able to overcome challenges and setbacks with determination and resilience. If you want them to be risk takers let them solve their own problems and encourage self determination.
Independence: Parents want their children to become independent individuals capable of making decisions, solving problems, and taking care of themselves as they grow older. This requires you the parent to gradually let go and allow your child to make their own mistakes and deal with the consequences.
Communication: Parents appreciate open and honest communication with their children, fostering trust and understanding in their relationship. Therefore be an effective listener and respect their conversations. Try not to judge what they have to say but rather allow them to express their feelings and beliefs openly.
Gratitude: Parents hope their children will be grateful for the love, support, and opportunities provided to them, showing appreciation for what they have and for the efforts of others. For them to show gratitude you will need to be a grateful and humble person yourself.
Health and Safety: Above all, parents want their children to be healthy, safe, and secure, both physically and emotionally, prioritizing their well-being above everything else. You can help here by encouraging your child to be physically active and by building their personal confidence they grow stronger intellectually and emotionally.
As the parent you gradually become a consultant to your child as they grow older and take over their own responsibility for their life. Your strong and consistent presence will have a long lasting impact on your child.
“The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.”
Helping children cope with distressing media
Help your kids understand that the internet is like a tool. It can be used for good or not so good things. Teach them to be in control of what they see and how they use it. With your guidance, they can learn to use social media wisely and understand the digital world better. Gail Smith has some great tips on how to do this.
Addressing distressing media is crucial, especially for parents navigating this digital age with their children. Of course, we need to live in the real world and there has been some very distressing news which needs to be processed with our children in a way that they can understand.
Here are some thoughts on how to educate our children in understanding our modern world where social media can be consumptive:
Establish healthy boundaries around screen time for both yourself and your children. Setting specific hours for media consumption can help mitigate exposure to distressing content. After all, how much media do we need on a daily basis?
Create safe spaces online where children can explore content that is curated and monitored by parents. This could include setting up restricted profiles on streaming services or utilizing parental controls on devices.
Stress the importance of open communication between yourself and your children regarding media consumption. Create a supportive environment where children feel comfortable discussing anything they may find distressing online.
Talk to your child about how media can have confusion and sensationalism built in. Teach children how to critically analyze media content. This includes helping them understand bias, fact-checking information, and recognizing manipulation tactics used in media. It is most important that they learn not to believe everything they hear and see.
Monitor your child’s social media usage and be aware of the platforms they are using. Set privacy settings and discuss appropriate online behaviour with your child.
Prioritize your own well-being when consuming media. Take breaks from news and social media if it becomes overwhelming and engage in activities that promote relaxation and stress relief. This demonstrates to your child that you want and need a balance in your life.
Offer suggestions for alternative activities that you as a family can engage in together that doesn’t involve screens, such as outdoor adventures, board games, or creative projects.
It is important as the parent to model healthy media behaviour for your child. Children often mimic their parents’ habits, so it is essential for parents to demonstrate balanced media consumption themselves. Take care how you talk about the media content in front of your child.
Stay informed about current events but do so mindfully. Consuming excessive news coverage of distressing events can take a toll on mental health, so it’s important to strike a balance between staying informed and protecting one’s well-being.
Have frequent talks about how understanding media is critical to get only the best out of information that is posted in some way.
Involving your child in a busy, active life with sports activities, hobbies etc. throughout the week will give them a very happy lifestyle where the focus is not so much on social media.
When explaining issues to children that have been emblazoned in the news take your time and use language that your child will understand. Sometimes the sensational nature of how words are used can be very intimidating for a child. Check in with them later to see if they understood what you had to say.
Our children live in this digital age and whilst it fills so much of their day they still need to be in control. They need to see it as a tool that be can be used for good and at times not for good. They need to be scrutinizing and be in charge when it comes to deciding how to use it. In this way they are running the show and will be more in control of what they read and how they interpret material. Such maturity will be accelerated with your guidance and direction on how best to be engaged with the digital world.
“Social media is a very, very powerful tool. It also gives power to tools.”