Letting Go, Little by Little: The Power of Gradual Independence

As parents, our natural instinct is to protect, guide, and sometimes even hover or else do the tasks for the child. But one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the confidence to step out on their own, bit by bit. Slow and steady wins the race both for the child and the anxious parent. It is a learning process for both the child and parent.

Gradual independence isn’t about throwing them in the deep end. It’s about teaching them to swim with you nearby, cheering them on. It’s a process that builds resilience, confidence, and problem-solving skills that last a lifetime. It teaches them how to learn effectively. Great process for building self esteem and strengthening mental health.

Why It Matters

Children need to feel capable. When we do everything for them, they may grow dependent—or worse, afraid to try. But when we coach rather than control, they learn to trust themselves. We also start to feel comfortable in letting go the reins. We need to understand that this is better parenting than keeping the controls all the time.

Practical Ways to Start

Here are some age-appropriate ways to encourage independence:

• For young children (3–7):

  Let them choose their outfit (even if it’s socks with sandals), help pack their lunch, or water the plants. Give praise for effort, not perfection. At an early age start giving them independent opportunities.

• For tweens (8–12):

  Let them manage their homework schedule, ride their bike to a friend’s house, or cook a simple meal. Let them try, then learn from mistakes in a safe space where there is only encouragement.

• For teens (13+):

  Involve them in decision-making, budgeting, planning outings, or solving their own friendship issues. Offer support, but resist jumping in too quickly. With social media work with them in deciding on what is suitable for them to view and use.

Real-Life Example

Ella, age 10, wanted to walk the dog alone. Her parents first walked behind her at a distance. The next week, she went solo but carried a phone. Today, she walks the dog confidently every morning. One small step, huge growth.

The Catch?

Yes, it can be messy. There may be forgotten lunchboxes, missed buses, or burnt toast. But those hiccups are how children learn and how parents learn to let go (just a little). Affirm all their efforts even if they are unsuccessful. They need to see that you value their efforts to be independent.

Final Word

Think of gradual independence as giving your child a toolkit. The earlier they learn to use it, the more prepared they’ll be when life really begins to test them. It will become more automatic for them overtime to work on problem issues themselves. There is nothing more satisfying than solving problems yourself!

So start small. Watch them grow. And remember, your goal isn’t to hold on forever. It’s to cheer them on as they fly. It is also a known fact, ask any teacher that a child learns faster and with confidence when they expect to do things for themselves. Dependent children become too reliant on others to give them solutions.

“In teaching me independence of thought, they have given me the greatest gift an adult can give to a child besides love and they had given me that also.”

— Bryce Courtenay

Raise a Hopeful Child: The Power of a Proactive Parent

As parents, we often find ourselves reacting to moods, meltdowns, lost lunchboxes, and unexpected worries. What if, instead of reacting, we became proactive in shaping the way our children see the world?

Taking a proactive stand isn’t just about routines and boundaries (though those matter). It’s about becoming a quiet architect of your child’s mindset, helping them build resilience, hope, and the ability to look for opportunity even in tough times.

Why Proactive Parenting Matters for Mental Health

Children’s mental health isn’t only about what goes wrong, anxiety, sadness, or stress but about what’s built up before those moments. A proactive approach gives your child tools to handle life before it overwhelms them. It's a map through the storm. A positive outlook in a parent is very catchy with their child.

1. Speak the Language of Possibility

Children are always listening. Every time we say, “That’s too hard,” they absorb that as truth. But if we say, “Let’s try,” or “We’ll figure it out,” we are teaching them to hope. Anything is possible is the motto.

Try this:

Instead of: “Maths is hard, isn’t it?”

Say: “This looks tricky, but let’s see what we can do.”

Over time, your child starts to think, “I can try,” rather than, “I’m stuck.”

2. Name Strengths, Not Just Struggles

It’s easy to focus on what children aren’t doing — not sitting still, not finishing homework, not listening. But if we call out what is working, we help them see themselves as capable.

Example:

“You really kept going, even when that puzzle was frustrating. That’s called perseverance. It’s a brilliant strength.” Naming the good makes it grow. Be an opportunist, spot the strengths.

3. Model Hope, Even in Small Things

If your child sees you problem-solve calmly, laugh at mistakes, and stay optimistic, they’re more likely to do the same. Be authentic when dealing with your child.

For instance:

When plans change unexpectedly, say:

“Well, that’s not what we thought would happen! Let’s make a Plan B.”

This shows them that life doesn’t have to go perfectly to go well.

4. Ask Empowering Questions

When your child is upset, don’t rush in with solutions. Instead, invite them to think.

• “What do you think we could try next?”

• “What helped last time?”

• “If your friend felt like this, what would you say to them?”

These questions grow problem-solving skills and emotional confidence.

What’s the Takeaway?

Being proactive isn’t about being perfect. It’s about planting seeds of courage, optimism, and hope in the everyday moments. It’s small words, quiet praise, and helping your child look ahead instead of feeling stuck.

“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.”

— Helen Keller

Raising a Confident Child in Today’s Classroom: 5 Surprising Ways Parents Can Help

Let’s face it: school can be a confidence minefield. Whether it’s answering a question in front of the class, navigating friendship drama, or simply speaking up when they need help, many children hold back, often because they don’t believe in themselves and they are just not socially sure of themselves.

As a parent, you’re in the perfect position to quietly build that belief. Confidence needs to be lived, practised, and grown like a muscle.

Here are 5 innovative, real-world ideas to help your child grow in confidence at school and beyond.

1. Let Your Child Be the Expert (at Home and in Public)

Why it works: When children teach something, they feel powerful and valued. Explaining ideas helps them process and internalize knowledge, and boosts their confidence to speak out in class.

Try this:

• Ask your child to explain a concept they’re learning like fractions, life cycles, or even a new word and record a mini “teaching video” for a grandparent or cousin.

• Out in the world? Ask them to order the food, check the train times, or explain a museum exhibit to you like they’re your tour guide.

The more they hear their own voice doing real life activities in a responsible way the more they grow sure of themselves.

2. Schedule One “Mini Risk” a Week

Why it works: Confidence comes from doing, especially things that feel a bit uncomfortable. Regular small challenges build resilience and trust in their own ability.

Try this:

Make a “Mini Risk Jar” with your child. Fill it with fun, doable dares:

• Ask a new friend to play

• Try a new club

• Put your hand up once a day

• Present a joke at dinner

• Talk about any risks you have taken recently.

Celebrate attempts, not outcomes. Praise the trying, not the success. Comment on the effort made and how this is successful.

3. Ditch “Be Confident”. Say This Instead

Why it works: “Be confident” is vague. Kids need tools. Swapping language helps them link confidence to specific actions.

Try this:

Replace “Be confident” with:

• “Speak like you’re helping someone understand”

• “Stand like a superhero, feet planted, eyes up”

• “Remember, your voice is a gift”

Real story: A dad told his son, “Stand like Spider-Man before he saves the day.” The next morning, the boy stood taller during show-and-tell and actually smiled.

4. Let Them Hear You Fail (and Bounce Back)

Why it works: Children often believe adults are always right, always perfect. When you model what it looks like to get something wrong and keep going, you give them permission to do the same. Be authentic and let them see the real you with warts and all.

Try this:

• Talk aloud about your mistakes: “I totally messed up that email but here’s how I fixed it.”

• Share how you felt, what you did next, and how you kept perspective.

“I told my son about how I froze during a meeting. He said, ‘That’s like when I forgot my line in the play!’ Suddenly, we were teammates.”

5. Confidence Grows in the Quiet, Too

Why it works: Not all confidence is loud. Some children shine by preparing quietly and leading gently. That’s not shyness, it’s strength.

Try this:

• Create “backstage” confidence moments: help them prep for a class talk with cue cards or rehearse a social scenario with stuffed animals.

• Praise thoughtful acts: “You noticed Ella was left out. That’s real leadership.”

• Remind them: confidence isn’t always about being first, it’s about being ready.

• Affirm those quiet moments when you notice behaviour that is helpful to others.

A Final Word

Confidence is not a personality trait—it’s a learnt skill. And like any skill, it grows best with practice, praise, and patience. Every child will be different in how they show confidence and for some it is a slow, steady progress. We need to be patient.

You don’t need to push your child to be the loudest, the fastest, or the most outgoing. You just need to show them they’re seen, heard, and capable, especially when they doubt it. Let them develop their voice in their own time.

Start small. Celebrate progress. And trust that each brave step they take, no matter how tiny, is shaping a stronger future.

"I Just Don’t Know How to Help!" – A Parent’s Guide to Coping When School Gets Tough

Being a parent isn’t easy at the best of times, but when your child is upset about school or you’re worried they’re falling behind, it can feel overwhelming. You might wonder: Should I speak to the teacher? Should I push harder or back off? What if I make it worse?

You're not alone. Many parents feel this way. Let’s talk about what to do when school feels difficult for your child and for you.

Start with Listening

When a child says, “I hate school,” or “I’m bad at reading,” our instinct is often to jump in with reassurance or solutions. But first, just listen. Give them your full attention even just 5 minutes of focused listening can unlock what’s really going on.

Try saying:

• “I am wondering how school went today.”

• “That sounds tough. I’d feel upset too.”

Remember this is not about giving them the answers. At this stage it is simply listening and feeling their concern.

Break the Problem Into Small Pieces

Big school problems often have small, manageable parts. Once your child feels heard, you can gently help them name the problem.

Example issues:

• “I don’t get maths” might actually mean “I got stuck on subtraction.”

• “No one likes me” might mean “Two friends wouldn’t play with me today.”

Help your child zoom in. Small problems are easier to talk about and easier to solve. For the child at the time, they seem insurmountable.

Make a Simple Action Plan (Together)

Children feel more confident when they’re part of the solution. They need to feel ownership of the issue. Once you've listened and broken the problem down, brainstorm one small step together.

Examples of action steps:

• Practising reading at home to build confidence

• Writing a short note to the teacher about a worry

• Role-playing what to say to a friend at playtime

For you: Don’t hesitate to send a quick message to the teacher. A simple, kind email like “My child is a bit anxious about PE. Any suggestions?” can open a helpful door.

Let Go of "Perfect"

You don’t have to be a teacher or a therapist. You don’t need perfect answers. Children don’t need perfect parents. They need present ones. Just showing up, listening, and caring makes a huge difference.

If you're trying, you're already helping. Being authentic shows the child you are really wanting to help.

Some Reassurance

Most school struggles are temporary. Children are resilient and bounce back, especially when they have a parent who’s in their corner. This is not about solving the problem for them but being there, listening and together working on solutions. If you, the parent, take full ownership of their problem, they will disengage from it and they will have learnt nothing.

Example:

Tom, age 9, was refusing to go to school. After some gentle chats, his dad realized Tom was scared about changing seats. A quick word with the teacher helped, and they worked out a solution. Within a week, Tom was back at school and smiling.

One Last Thought

When school is tough, it can feel like you're both in the storm. But storms pass. What matters most is that your child knows you're by their side..With slow and steady support, recognizing that it is a problem for them is critical to their sense of security. Working through the problem together and checking in to see how they are going is the best way to show you care.

Letting Go a Little: Why Gradual Independence Matters for Your Child’s Growth

One of the hardest parts of parenting is knowing when to step back. We want to keep our children safe, happy, and successful, and sometimes that means we hold on too tightly and are frightened of them making mistakes. We need to start giving them gradual independence, little by little, day by day, even though some of this independence will mean making mistakes which can be upsetting.

We are not leaving them to figure things out alone. It means letting them try, stumble, learn, and succeed with our support, not our control. They learn to know we are there when really needed. If they think we are about control, they will step back and lose interest.

Why Does Gradual Independence Matter?

In today’s world, it can feel risky to let children do things on their own. However it is more risky not to enable your child to cope with the real world and to rely on others to solve problems. There’s pressure to protect them from failure, frustration, and even boredom. But the truth is:

✅ Children learn by doing, not by watching.

✅ Confidence comes from experience, not praise alone.

✅ Resilience is built through overcoming small challenges.

Gradually gaining independence awakens in the child a wonderful sense of personal satisfaction and confidence. It is quite liberating!

Real-Life Examples of Where It Matters

1. Getting Ready for School

It might be quicker (and tidier!) to pack their bag, zip their coat, and butter their toast. But every time we take over, we take away a learning opportunity.

💡 Instead:

Teach them how to check a simple morning list: bag packed, lunchbox in, coat on, shoes by the door. It’ll take patience at first, but it pays off fast, and they’ll feel proud doing it themselves.

2. Friendships and Play

If your child says, “He won’t play with me,” it’s tempting to jump in and fix it. But these small moments are chances to learn negotiation, sharing, and handling disappointment.

💡 Instead:

Ask questions like: “What could you try next time?” or “How do you think he felt?” Help them think through solutions but let them do the talking.

3. Homework and Learning

You want your child to succeed, so it’s natural to sit beside them and guide every step. But they need to learn how to think, not just how to get the answer. This may involve learning from mistakes.

💡 Instead:

Support them to plan their time, set up a quiet space, and check their own work. You’re building independence and responsibility. Homework is also the responsibility of the school and child, not the parent.

4. Problem Solving

From a forgotten jumper to a missed club, let children experience small consequences safely.

💡 Instead:

If they forget something, avoid racing to school with it. Next time, they’ll remember. These low stakes “failures” teach responsibility better than lectures ever could.

What Gets in the Way?

• Fear of failure: We worry a mistake will hurt their confidence, but small stumbles teach big lessons.

• Time pressure: Life is busy, and doing it ourselves is faster, but it delays learning.

• Wanting to protect: We want to shield them from discomfort, but facing challenges with our support grows courage. Children want to feel in control.

How to Start Giving Gradual Independence

Think of it like riding a bike:

1. You hold the saddle.

2. You run beside them.

3. You let go... but stay nearby.

4. You cheer them on even if they wobble.

Every step tells them:

“You’re capable. I believe in you. I feel very happy when I see you showing independence.”

Final Thought: Independence Isn’t the End of Parenting, It’s Part of It

Gradual independence actually brings your child closer to you. It’s about walking beside them while they grow stronger legs. When we give children the space to try, we give them the chance to thrive, and they value the gradual freedom you give them.

So let go, just a little, and watch what they can do. See how creative and confident they become as they happily take charge of their own life.

Understanding Your Child’s Weekly Challenges at School And How You Can Help

School is a full-time job for children, filled with learning, social interactions, and daily challenges. As a parent, understanding what your child faces each week can help you provide meaningful support at home. Here’s a guide to some common challenges children encounter and practical ways you can help them navigate these experiences.

Academic Learning Challenges

Children are constantly absorbing new information, which can sometimes feel overwhelming. Some children take a longer time to process information, which can cause them stress.

How You Can Help:

• Ask specific questions: Instead of asking “How was school?” try “What was the most interesting thing you learned today?”

• Create a homework-friendly environment: A quiet, well-lit space helps children concentrate.

• Encourage a growth mindset: Praise effort, not just results. Saying, “I love how you kept trying!” builds resilience. It is the process of learning that is important.

• Use real-life learning opportunities: If they’re learning fractions, bake together. If it’s history, visit a museum or watch a documentary. Make learning fun.

Friendships and Social Dynamics

Navigating friendships, dealing with peer pressure, and handling conflicts are significant aspects of school life.

How You Can Help:

• Encourage open conversations: Ask about their friends, group activities, and how they felt during social interactions. Never criticize their choice of friends.

• Model positive social interactions: Show them how to manage conflicts calmly and respectfully in everyday life. Talk about your situations where being calm and steady were necessary.

• Teach empathy: Ask, “How do you think your friend felt?” to encourage perspective-taking.

Managing Expectations and Pressure

Children often feel pressure to perform academically, socially, or in extracurricular activities.

How You Can Help:

• Normalize mistakes: Share your own experiences of learning from failures.

• Help them prioritize: Teach time management with a simple planner or checklist.

• Balance activities: Ensure they have downtime to relax and just be kids.

• Celebrate small successes: Acknowledge their hard work, even if results aren’t perfect.

Handling Tiredness and Stress

A full school week can leave children mentally and physically drained. This can cause unwanted anxiety.

How You Can Help:

• Ensure enough sleep: Set a regular bedtime and limit screen time before bed. Keep their room suitably dark to help them sleep well.

• Promote relaxation techniques: Deep breathing, stretching, or listening to calming music can help. Sometimes having an ongoing art activity or jigsaw puzzle set up can be beneficial.

• Encourage outdoor play: Fresh air and movement help relieve stress. This can be through regular park visits or simply a kick of a ball in the backyard. Make exercise a regular part of their weekly routines.

• Check for over-scheduling: If they’re exhausted, it may be time to scale back commitments. This could include a complete break for a few days.

• Positive outlook: Try to keep a positive outlook in the home throughout the week. This reduces stress.

Building Confidence and Independence

As children grow, they need to develop self-confidence and independence in learning and decision-making. This is where you let them grow emotionally and socially.

How You Can Help:

• Let them solve problems: Instead of jumping in, guide them to find solutions.

• Give responsibilities at home: Small tasks like packing their school bag help build independence.

• Encourage self-advocacy: If they have an issue at school, discuss how they might talk to their teacher about it.

• Foster resilience: Teach them that setbacks are part of learning and encourage perseverance.

Final Thoughts

Just as we experience ups and downs across the week, just as we also feel tired, irritated and unhappy from time to time, so will our child. Your capacity to listen well to their concerns and to offer good counsel with not too much intervention is a helpful way to support their busy week. They need to live in a child's world which will mimic the ups and downs of adult life in some ways. Your hand will be there to guide them gently into making good choices that strengthen their foundation years.

How to Support Your Child’s Mental Health Through School Without Over Complicating It

School is a huge part of your child’s life. It can be stressful. From friendship fallouts to academic pressure, it’s no wonder mental health is one of the top concerns for families today. But supporting your child’s well-being doesn’t have to mean long lectures or expensive therapies. Sometimes, it’s the simple, everyday things that make the biggest difference.

Consider:

Teach Them to Name Their Feelings and You Name Yours Too

Kids can't manage what they can't name.

Instead of just asking “How was school?”, try asking:

• “What was something that made you happy/sad/frustrated today?”

• “Was there a moment today you felt proud of yourself?”

Better yet, model it yourself: “I felt nervous today because of a big meeting, but I took some deep breaths and got through it.”

Why this works: Kids learn to recognize and handle emotions when they hear you doing it.

Make Space for ‘Down Time’ After School

Imagine finishing a long workday and going straight into more tasks — exhausting, right? Kids need that same recovery time.

Instead of asking them to immediately do homework or talk about the day, try:

• 20 minutes of quiet play

• A snack and a cuddle on the sofa

• Listening to music together

Why this works: It helps them regulate and reset, which makes later conversations or homework battles much easier. We all need space across the day.

Focus on Effort, Not Just Results

When your child shares a test score or project result, it’s tempting to focus on what they got. But instead, try praising the effort behind it:

• “I’m so proud of how hard you worked on that.”

• “I love how you kept going, even when it was tough.”

Why this works: Kids learn that trying is what counts, which builds resilience when things don’t go perfectly. It's OK to get some things wrong.

Keep an Eye on Friendships and Step In If Needed

Friendships are huge for kids' mental health.

Ask casually:

• “Who did you hang out with today?”

• “What was the best part of playtime?”

If you notice they’re upset about friends often, don’t dismiss it. Offer to role-play tricky situations or brainstorm what to say if things get tough. Remember you are not there to take over the problem.

Why this works: Feeling socially safe helps kids relax, focus, and enjoy school more.

Let Teachers Know if Something’s Up

If your child is struggling with sleep issues, anxiety, friendship worries, tell the teacher. You don’t need to give every detail, but a heads-up helps them watch out and support your child in small, thoughtful ways. They spend many hours with them in the best part of the day.

Example email you could send:

"Hi Miss Smith, just wanted to let you know that Jack has been feeling a bit anxious lately, especially in class. If you notice anything or have suggestions, we’d love to hear from you."

Why this works: Teachers can’t help with what they don’t know, and they want to help.

“Supporting your child’s mental health isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present”

— Gail J Smith

Encourage a Wide Net of Friends: Why It Matters.

Friendships are essential for a child’s happiness, but relying on just one best friend can lead to heartbreak. Encouraging a variety of friendships helps children grow socially and emotionally. They are also more receptive to accepting difference.

Less Heartbreak, More Support – If one friend is absent or drifts away, your child won’t feel alone.

Stronger Social Skills – Different friends mean learning to communicate and connect in new ways.

Confidence Booster – A mix of friendships builds self-esteem and reduces social anxiety.

More Fun, Less Drama – Group play means fewer fallouts and more opportunities for joy.

Life-Long Resilience – Adapting to different personalities prepares children for real-world relationships.

Encourage your child to be open to new friendships—it builds a stronger, happier, and more adaptable future! Avoid being judgmental or critical of friends they choose. In time they will work through who are truly friends.

“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.”

— Jim Morrison

Helping Your Child Navigate Friendships and Challenges

Friendships play a huge role in a child's school experience, shaping their confidence, happiness, and even their academic success. But as every parent knows, friendships come with ups and downs — disagreements, peer pressure, and the heartbreak of feeling left out. Here are five powerful ways parents can help their children build strong, healthy friendships while overcoming challenges.

1. Teach Empathy Through Storytelling

Children who understand how others feel are more likely to form meaningful friendships and handle conflicts with kindness.

Example: If your child tells you a friend was unkind, instead of immediately taking sides, ask: “How do you think they were feeling? Why might they have acted that way?” Reading books about friendship together or sharing your own childhood stories can help children develop empathy and perspective.

2. Role-Play Difficult Social Situations

Many children struggle to know what to say or do in tricky situations. Practising responses in a safe environment can give them the confidence to handle challenges.

Example: If your child is feeling left out at playtime, practise possible conversations:

“Can I join in?” or “Hey, do you want to play together today?”

If they’re dealing with a bossy friend, teach them how to say:

“I like playing with you, but I also want to make my own choices.”

3. Model Positive Friendships at Home

Children learn the most about relationships by watching their parents. If they see you handling disagreements respectfully and maintaining friendships, they’ll follow suit.

Example: If you have a disagreement with a friend or partner, show your child how to resolve it with kindness. Say things like:

“I was upset earlier, but I talked to my friend, and we worked it out.

This teaches them that disagreements don’t mean the end of a friendship—they can be worked through.

4. Encourage a ‘Wide Net’ of Friends

Relying on just one friend can be risky—if there’s a fallout, children can feel completely alone. Encourage them to be open to different friendships.

Example: If your child always plays with the same person, suggest inviting another classmate to join an activity. Say:

“I love that you and Emily are close! Why don’t we invite Mia over too?”

Encouraging group friendships helps children avoid being overly dependent on one person.

5. Teach Resilience When Friendships Change

Friendships naturally shift over time, and not every friendship lasts forever. Teaching your child to accept change helps them build emotional strength.

Example: If your child is upset that a friend has started playing with someone else, acknowledge their feelings but also provide perspective:

“It’s hard when friendships change, but it doesn’t mean you won’t find new great friends.”

Encourage activities where they can meet new friends, like clubs or sports, so they learn that one friendship ending isn’t the end of the world.

Forming friends, losing them and realigning yourself to new groups is a normal part of the childhood development in social and emotional growth. There will be disappointments and successes. There will be sharp reminders about how relationships can change and effect very quickly your well being. As a parent be a good listener and be inclusive with all their friends not showing judgement or bias. Your child needs to walk the road that will ultimately lead them to forming happy stable relationships that are inclusive and that build in them strong emotional intelligence.

“A friend is one of the nicest things you can have and one of the best things you can be.”

— Douglas Pagels

5 TIPS TO REDUCE ANXIETY IN YOUR CHILD WHEN STARTING SCHOOL

Starting a new school year can be a big transition for many children, especially if they're nervous. Here are some tips for parents to help their child feel more confident and less anxious:

1. Familiarise Them with the School

• Why it works: New places can feel scary. Making the school feel familiar reduces the unknowns.

• Example: Walk around the school grounds together. Show them where the classrooms and toilets are. If the teacher is available, introduce them to your child.

• Story: “Last year, Mia visited her new school with her dad a week before it started. On the first day, she already knew how to find her classroom, so she felt less nervous walking in.”

2. Practise the School Routine

• Why it works: A predictable routine helps children feel prepared and in control.

• Example: One week before school starts, wake up at the time they’ll need to for school, eat breakfast, and pack a pretend lunch together. Practice leaving the house on time.

• Story: “Jason and his mum did a ‘practice day’ where they packed his backpack and walked to the bus stop. On the first day, Jason felt ready because he’d already done it once.”

3. Role-Play Scenarios

• Why it works: Practising interactions can build confidence.

• Example: Pretend to be a new classmate, and practise introducing themselves: “Hi, I’m Alex. What’s your name?” Also, practise asking the teacher questions like, “Can you help me with this?”

• Story: “Sophia was nervous about making friends, so her dad played the role of a shy classmate. After practising, Sophia felt ready to say hello to new kids at recess.”

4. Plan a Special "Back-to-School Tradition"

• Why it works: Creating a positive tradition makes the start of school exciting.

• Example: Let them pick out their first-day outfit, decorate their notebook with stickers, or have a “back-to-school breakfast” with their favourite food.

• Story: “Every year, Ella’s family bakes pancakes in the shape of letters spelling her name. It makes the first day of school something she looks forward to instead of dreading.”

5. Normalize Their Feelings

• Why it works: Knowing it’s okay to feel nervous helps kids manage their emotions.

• Example: Share a story about a time you felt nervous but things turned out okay, like starting a new job. Then talk about how they can overcome similar fears.

• Story: “When Liam told his mum he was scared about meeting new classmates, she said, ‘I felt the same way on my first day at work, but I ended up making friends. Let’s think of ways you can make friends, too.’

These examples make the advice practical and relatable for parents. Think about your child and what best works for them. Keeping anxieties to a minimum gives your child the best start for the year.

“Loving school is all about feeling safe and comfortable”

— Gail J Smith

Be a Parent with Purpose: 5 Outstanding Ways to Parent with Intention

We don’t have to try too hard but with simple behaviour that is solid and reliable you can make a big difference for your child.

Model Values You Want to Teach

• Children learn more from what they see than what they’re told. Be intentional about modelling kindness, patience, respect, and responsibility.

• Example: If you want your child to be empathetic, let them see you helping others and speaking kindly, even when things are tough.

Create Meaningful Family Rituals

• Family traditions foster connection and give children a sense of belonging. Purposeful rituals—like a weekly game night or gratitude journal — build memories and reinforce family values.

• Example: Start each day by sharing affirmations with your child.

Focus on Connection Over Perfection

• It’s easy to get caught up in the desire to parent perfectly, but children thrive when they feel emotionally connected to their parents. Spend time listening, hugging, and laughing together.

• Example: Instead of correcting every mistake, use them as opportunities to bond and teach. For instance, say, “I love you even when things go wrong.”

Encourage Independence with Guidance

• Purposeful parents prepare their children for the real world by teaching problem-solving, accountability, and independence. Step back when appropriate but offer a safety net when needed.

• Example: Give your child age-appropriate responsibilities, like managing their homework, and discuss their challenges instead of solving problems for them.

Prioritize Presence Over Multitasking

• Being present means giving your full attention, even if just for a few minutes each day. It’s not about the amount of time but the quality of your engagement.

• Example: Set aside 15-20 minutes daily to talk without distractions—no phones, just undivided attention. Ask open-ended questions like, “What was the best part of your day?”

These strategies will help parents embrace their roles with intention, fostering trust, love, and growth in their children’s lives. Being a purposeful parent means being mindful, consistent, and engaged—not perfect, just present.

“Your presence around your child gives them comfort and reassurance.”

— Gail J Smith

Practical tips for parents to help their children develop executive function skills

We are always keen to help our children improve their learning capacity at school. There are some practical and useful ways we can support them in this area. Many of the things you currently do may be also useful in supporting your child’s learning. Consider the ideas below that can all operate from the home environment. Perhaps you are currently using these techniques as part of your routine?

Create Daily Routines and Visual Schedules

• Why: Routines build predictability, helping children develop organisation and time management skills.

• How: Work with your child to create a visual schedule for school days, including tasks like homework, chores, and downtime. Use calendars, to-do lists, or apps that show progress, such as a checklist where they can cross off completed tasks.

Encourage Breaks and Time Management.

• Why: Children learn to manage their focus and energy better when they alternate between work and rest. We all need to learn the balance.

• How: Teach them to study for 25-minute blocks followed by 5-minute breaks (Pomodoro technique). Use timers to keep track, making it easier to stay focused and avoid burnout.

Use Games and Activities to Strengthen Working Memory

• Why: Strong working memory helps children hold and use information for tasks like following instructions and solving problems.

• How: Play memory-boosting games such as card-matching games, Simon Says, or apps designed to challenge working memory (e.g., puzzles or brain-training games).

Model and Teach Self-Regulation Strategies

• Why: Self-regulation helps children manage emotions and impulses, crucial for staying on task and following through on assignments.

• How: Practice mindfulness techniques together, such as deep breathing or counting to ten. Encourage them to pause before reacting impulsively to frustration or distractions.

Promote Independence Through Goal Setting and Reflection

• Why: Setting goals fosters accountability and helps children develop problem-solving skills.

• How: Start with small, achievable goals (e.g., “Complete maths homework by 5 PM”). Afterwards, discuss what worked and what could improve. This reflection builds self-awareness and teaches them to adjust their strategies over time.

These tips provide hands-on ways for parents to nurture their child’s executive function skills, making academic tasks easier and improving school performance. You will enjoy being actively involved with them and demonstrating how you also value ways to improve your ongoing learning.

“The wider the range of possibilities we offer children, the more intense will be their motivations and the richer their experiences.”

— Reggio Emilia

Teach your child to like themselves

One of the keys to success is to accept and like who you are. A child needs to believe that they deserve to be treated well and that they deserve good things in their life. They need to nurture the belief that they are as good as anyone else. It takes time for a child to mature into really recognizing their own value so start early as a a parent in teaching them their worth.

Here are five reasons why parents need to teach their children to like and accept themselves, along with examples of how they can do it:

1. Builds Confidence

When children learn to accept themselves, they become more confident in their abilities and decisions. For example, if a child feels unsure about their looks or talents, parents can remind them of their strengths and help them embrace their uniqueness. Complimenting their efforts, not just results, can help reinforce this.

2. Develops Emotional Resilience

Self-acceptance helps children cope better with challenges and failures. Parents can encourage this by framing mistakes as learning opportunities. For instance, if a child doesn’t win a competition, remind them it’s okay to fail sometimes and that they still have value regardless of the outcome.

3. Promotes Healthy Relationships

Children who accept themselves are more likely to build strong, positive relationships because they don’t rely on others for validation. Parents can encourage healthy relationships by teaching their children not to compare themselves to others and to value friends who respect them for who they are.

4. Reduces Anxiety and Stress

When children are comfortable with who they are, they feel less pressure to meet unrealistic expectations. Parents can help by reassuring their children that they don’t have to be perfect. For example, if a child is stressed about grades, parents can focus on the effort and improvement rather than demanding perfection.

5. Fosters Independence and Decision-Making

Self-accepting children trust themselves and their instincts, leading to better decision-making. Parents can nurture this by allowing children to make age-appropriate choices, like choosing their clothes or hobbies, while guiding them gently without taking control. This shows them that their opinions matter. By teaching self-acceptance, parents provide their children with the emotional tools they need to lead happier, more fulfilling lives.

As the parent show your child how your life reflects treating yourself with dignity and nurture. Your lifestyle and self-management will be watched carefully by your child.

“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will makes them successful human beings.”

— It's a lovely life.com

Teach your child to set goals. It is a great life skill.

Sometimes the thought of setting up goals can be daunting. If however, you teach your child to start small and build up slowly, their expectations will grow steadily and they will gradually see the fruits of their labour. Once feeling success from setting goals the interest grows in setting up more goals.

Here are some suggestions to help your child in this area. The examples are helpful to put goal setting in context.

Start Small

Encourage setting small, achievable goals to build confidence.

• Example: "This week, let's try to clean up your toys every day before dinner."

Lead by Example

Show them how you set and achieve your own goals.

• Example: "I want to read one book this month. What goal can you set for yourself?"

Break Big Goals into Steps

Teach them to divide larger goals into manageable tasks.

• Example: "You want to finish your school project. Let's start by gathering materials today."

Celebrate Progress

Recognize and reward efforts to keep motivation high.

• Example: "You practised piano for 10 minutes every day this week—let's celebrate with a special treat!"

Make Goals Fun

Turn goal-setting into a game or challenge.

• Example: "Let’s see if you can improve your running time by 10 seconds each week. We'll keep track together!"

Teach Reflection

Encourage them to think about what worked and what didn't after achieving (or not achieving) their goal.

• Example: "You finished your book! How did breaking it into chapters help you reach your goal?"

Encourage Long-term Goals

Help them think ahead and set goals that take longer to achieve.

• Example: "You want to learn to ride a bike without training wheels. Let’s practice for 15 minutes every day."

Provide Support and Guidance

Offer help without doing it for them, so they feel ownership of their goals.

• Example: "I'll help you study for your spelling test, but you can choose the words you need to practice."

In simple ways you can use goals setting as a way of life. The more your child grows independent of relying less on others and more on themselves, the more they are inclined to set their own goals with confidence.

“Be a goal setter in your own life and see how your child will easily adapt to such habits.”

— Gail J Smith

What lifelong lessons do you want your child to adopt?

There are many lessons we teach our children but there are some that will have a longer life and will be of much value if they adopt them when they are adults. For example, you may teach your child how to ride a bike but how does that compare to teaching them how to be a well-rounded person with strong values and a love for life.

Consider the following beliefs and maybe some may particularly resonate with you:

"You are loved unconditionally."

• Lesson: No matter what happens, you are always loved and accepted for who you are.

• How to teach: Show affection through words and actions daily. When they make mistakes, reassure them that mistakes don’t change your love for them. This creates emotional security.

"Your feelings are valid."

• Lesson: It's okay to feel angry, sad, happy, or confused. All emotions are part of being human.

• How to teach: Acknowledge and talk through their emotions without judgement. If they’re upset, say, "I see you're upset; it's okay to feel that way. Let's figure it out together."

"It's okay to fail; failure is how we learn."

• Lesson: Failure is a natural part of life and leads to growth.

• How to teach: Share your own failures and what you learned from them. Encourage them to try new things without fear of messing up. Praise their efforts, not just their success.

"Be kind to yourself and others."

• Lesson: Self-compassion is just as important as being kind to others.

• How to teach: Model self-kindness by speaking positively about yourself in front of them. Teach empathy by helping them understand how others feel and encouraging acts of kindness.

"You are enough just as you are."

• Lesson: You don’t need to change to be worthy of love and respect.

• How to teach: Regularly remind them of their worth. Say things like, "You are amazing just the way you are." Celebrate their unique traits and talents, reinforcing that they don't need to compare themselves to others.

"Challenges make you stronger."

• Lesson: Difficulties and obstacles help you grow and build resilience.

• How to teach: When they face a challenge, encourage them to keep going, reassuring them that struggles are part of life. Share examples of people who overcame adversity and how it shaped them.

"You always have choices."

• Lesson: Even in tough situations, you have the power to choose how you respond.

• How to teach: Give them choices from a young age, allowing them to make decisions and understand the consequences. Teach them that they can’t control everything, but they can control how they react.

"Take care of your mind and body."

• Lesson: Your mental and physical well-being are interconnected, and both need care.

• How to teach: Teach healthy habits like eating well, staying active, and practicing mindfulness. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and take breaks when overwhelmed.

"Be true to yourself."

• Lesson: Follow your heart, and don’t live to please others.

• How to teach: Encourage self-expression and support their interests, even if they are different from your own. Reinforce the idea that their happiness is not about pleasing others but about being authentic.

"Life is a journey, not a race."

• Lesson: There’s no need to rush; it’s okay to move at your own pace.

• How to teach: Avoid pressuring them to achieve milestones quickly. Help them appreciate the process of learning and growing instead of focusing solely on outcomes.

Simply use life experiences to teach the above lessons. There will be plenty of occasions along their journey to adulthood to test some of the beliefs above. Keep in mind that your example of how you live life will be an important guideline for your child especially if they see that you are happy in the choices you make.

“Every child deserves a champion- an adult who understands the power of connection and insists that they become the best that can possibly be.”

— Rita Pierson

Parents can teach their children to make wiser choices.

As your child matures they begin to develop reasoning and start to reflect on a deeper understanding of what life and decisions are all about. As a parent you can encourage behaviour that will lead to your child valuing wiser decisions.

Consider the following:

Encourage Thinking Ahead

Parent: “Before you make a decision, try to think about what might happen next. For example, if you choose to stay up late playing games, you might be too tired for school the next day. What do you think is the best choice?”

• Lesson: Helps children develop foresight by considering the consequences of their actions.

Ask Questions, Don’t Just Give Answers

Parent: “What do you think will happen if you share your toy? How would you feel if someone did the same for you?”

• Lesson: Teaches them to evaluate situations from different perspectives rather than just reacting impulsively.

Teach the Power of Pausing

Parent: “When you feel unsure or upset, it’s okay to pause for a moment before making a choice. Taking a deep breath can help you think more clearly.”

• Lesson: Encourages emotional regulation and thoughtful decision-making, rather than acting on impulse.

Model Wise Decision-Making

Parent: “I was going to buy this thing, but then I realized we don’t really need it right now. I’ll wait until we save more money, and if we still want it then, I’ll get it.”

• Lesson: Children learn from observing how their parents weigh options and make responsible choices.

Give Them Controlled Choices

Parent: “You can choose to do your homework now and have free time later, or you can play now and have less time for fun later. What do you think is the better choice?”

• Lesson: Provides practice with decision-making and lets them experience the outcomes of their choices in a safe, controlled environment.

Discuss Past Decisions

Parent: “Remember when you didn’t wear a jacket last time and got cold? How will you choose differently today when it’s chilly?”

• Lesson: Reflecting on past decisions helps children connect past experiences to better future choices.

Teach Problem-Solving Steps

Parent: “When you have to make a choice, try to follow these steps: 1) Identify the problem, 2) Think of possible solutions, 3) Consider what might happen with each solution, and 4) Make your choice.”

• Lesson: Provides a framework for making informed decisions and builds confidence in their ability to think through problems.

Explain the Impact of Peer Pressure

Parent: “Sometimes friends might ask you to do something that doesn’t feel right. It’s okay to say no if you think it’s not a good choice for you.”

• Lesson: Helps them understand the importance of staying true to their own values and making independent choices, even under pressure.

These examples help guide children in learning to pause, think, and consider the consequences of their actions, leading to wiser decision-making over time.

Teaching wisdom from an early age will lead your child to make and want decisions based on clear thinking and planned decision making. This will help them cope better with the rigours of adolescence, peer group pressure etc.

“Be a wise parent and teach your child the value of making wise decisions.”

— Gail J Smith

Teaching children about the value of making good choices

We can all choose to make choices that can either hinder or enlighten our lives. For example you can choose to have a go or you can choose to not have a go. We should encourage our children to learn the difference and to understand that when we make those choices they can affect our life in different ways.

Who we are is a result of the choices we make.

Consider the following ideas about the impact on a child when they make their own choices:

Promotes Responsibility: When children learn that their choices have consequences, they develop a sense of accountability. They understand that choosing to work hard or make responsible decisions directly impacts their success and happiness.

Builds Self-Confidence: Allowing children to make choices reinforces their belief in their own abilities. Whether they succeed or fail, knowing that they had the power to choose builds confidence in their decision-making skills.

Fosters Independence: By making their own decisions, children learn to rely on themselves instead of always seeking approval or guidance from others. This fosters independence and helps them navigate life with more confidence.

Develops Critical Thinking: When children are taught to weigh the pros and cons of their choices, they develop critical thinking skills. They learn how to assess situations, predict outcomes, and make thoughtful decisions rather than impulsive ones.

Supports Emotional Growth: Understanding that they have control over their actions and thoughts (e.g. choosing to think positively) helps children manage their emotions. They learn that their choices can influence how they feel and respond to situations, which is key to emotional resilience.

These lessons empower children to shape their lives with intention and self-awareness. Don’t forget to affirm them when you see positive outcomes from choices they make themselves.

“The more a child experiences positive outcomes from making good choices, the more insight they develop about themselves.”

— Gail J Smith

What lessons in life do you want to teach your children?

There are many lessons we teach our children, but some should have more reticence than others for our children to have happy well-balanced lives. Consider the five lessons below and it may be worth reflecting on how we teach our children these lessons.

Kindness Matters

• Lesson: Always treat others with kindness and respect, no matter the situation.

• How Taught: You've modelled kindness in your own interactions, showing empathy and compassion in everyday situations, whether it's helping a neighbour or speaking politely to strangers.

Be True to Yourself

• Lesson: Stay true to who you are, even when it's difficult. Your uniqueness is your strength.

• How Taught: You've encouraged your child to pursue their passions and supported them in making choices that align with their values, even if those choices are different from the norm.

Learn from Mistakes

• Lesson: Mistakes are part of life. Learn from them and keep moving forward.

• How Taught: You've shared your own mistakes openly and discussed what you learned from them. You've also reassured your child that it’s okay to fail, as long as they try again.

Hard Work Pays Off

• Lesson: Success comes from hard work and perseverance, not just luck.

• How Taught: You've demonstrated a strong work ethic, whether through your job or personal projects, and involved your child in tasks that require effort and patience, showing them the value of dedication.

Take Care of Yourself

• Lesson: Your well-being is important. Take care of your mind and body.

• How Taught: You've prioritized self-care in your own life, whether through exercise, healthy eating, or taking time to relax. You’ve also encouraged your child to express their feelings and take breaks when needed.

It is amazing what a child takes into their life from their childhood. Your efforts need be no more than being authentic and sharing your life with your child. Best to make it worthwhile for both you and your child.

“Leave your child with memories of a happy, well-balanced childhood. It pays dividends for them in their older life.”

— Gail J Smith

Mental well being needs to be nourished over the years

There is no quick fix to building a healthy mental state with our children. Slow steady consistent habits developed in your family can be great boosters for mental health.

Consider:

• Affirm the small achievements.

  They do not need to be on a large scale but you recognize in your child some simple milestones that they have made. That could be at school, sporting efforts, improved attitudes, showing generosity, demonstrating gratitude etc.

• Give them the liberty of talking about issues.

  Sometimes we jump in fairly quickly and can place judgement on what they have to say. Just be an effective listener without showing strong opinions and let the conversation flow. You may learn something interesting.

• Play and enjoy their childhood.

  A happy child who plays often and lives in a world where they can be creative and free show a greater ability to be less stressed throughout life. We all need a good childhood. Play with them.

• Gradually build their independence.

  From birth, a child is working to be more independent. Your support in giving them small opportunities as the years go by, will give them personal satisfaction in managing themselves. As they grow in independence, they feel emotionally in charge and ready for more challenges. They accept failure more easily and see it as a learning curve.

• Let them think critically

  A critical thinking child develops strong emotional independence. Talk frequently to your child and let them ask questions often. Guide them in thinking about optional viewpoints and keep their minds open to new ideas. A closed mind is dangerous

A child who learns to inquire about life is not frightened about the challenges it offers. In fact they invite them.

“Those foundation years need ongoing nourishment and enrichment to keep developing good mental health.”

— Gail J Smith

Encouraging your child to write well

Some children find writing a difficult task. They seem to feel blocked and struggle to start stories and certainly struggle to continue with them. Parents can help by providing some stimulating activities for their child to do that are not difficult but can motivate a child to write.

 Consider:

• Encourage Daily Journaling: Suggest that your child keep a daily journal. Writing about their day, feelings, or even imaginary stories can help them practise and improve their writing skills regularly.

•  Read Together Regularly: Expose your child to a variety of writing styles by reading together. Discuss the books, focusing on how different authors use language, structure their stories, and create vivid descriptions.

• Use Writing Prompts: Provide fun and engaging writing prompts to spark their creativity. Prompts like "Imagine you have a superpower for a day. What would you do?" can make writing exciting and less of a chore.

• Play Word Games: Engage in word games like Scrabble or Boggle. These games can expand vocabulary and improve language skills in a playful and interactive way.

• Incorporate Technology: Use writing apps and websites designed for kids. Programs like Grammar for Kids or fun writing games online can make writing more engaging and educational. Talk to your child’s teacher about what they would recommend.

• Write Letters: Encourage your child to write letters to family members, friends, or even pen pals. Writing letters can be a fun way to practise different writing and communication styles.

• Create a Family Newspaper: Start a family newspaper where everyone contributes articles, stories, or comics. This can be a collaborative project that makes writing a shared and enjoyable activity.

• Provide Constructive Feedback: When reviewing your child’s writing, offer positive feedback along with gentle suggestions for improvement. Focus on specific aspects, like adding more descriptive words or varying sentence structure.

• Use Visual Aids: Encourage your child to create storyboards or mind maps before writing. Visual planning can help them organise their thoughts and improve the overall structure of their writing.

• Set a Writing Example: Share your own writing with your child. Show them drafts, edits, and final versions to demonstrate the writing process and the importance of revision and improvement.

• Start A Sentence: Make it a game. You start a sentence, and they finish it. “Yesterday I found an interesting rock. It was……”

• Play with Reading Books: When you are reading a book occasionally stop. Let them see that the written word has power and invite your child to change the story. Perhaps they could suggest a different ending.

Have plenty of books and magazines around the house and occasionally read little segments from them out loud. A child's imagination will be enlivened when they begin to talk about their passions and interests. When they start to be motivated about something, encourage them to write about it. Let them see that the written word has power.

“When we write, we feel, see and hear the words.’

 -Gail J Smith