Getting back to routine after lockdown

Tricky times requires creative thinking and for our children going back to school is a relief as well as creating some anxiety about yet again fitting in to school. There is no doubt the times are challenging and our children will look back on this period with some trepidation and for them, it is a new norm.

This article is a simple one. It is all about helping your child be comfortable and adjust to the “not so routine” of life and school. They are living with the ever-threatening idea of yet another lockdown and this must cause some trepidation as they attempt to go back to school and fit into the school plan.

 Consider the following thoughts.

• Be flexible. Everything is changing including the teacher’s expectations with the children. Accept that difference is part of the new norm.

• The permanency for your child is the stability of the family. Your constant presence in their life is a powerful support for them in today’s climate. Try to ensure that routines, schedules etc. are in place again. This creates some safe reassurance for the child.

• Check in with your child’s social life. Are they happily engaging with their friends or are they somewhat reticent to reignite friendships? Chat to your child’s teacher if this is a problem. Children can easily feel unsettled with friends after such intermittent breaks from school.

• Ensure your child has a balanced amount of sleep and recreation across the week. They certainly need to set up a balance that will be consistent across the week and feel reassured that the routine will be part of their norm.

• School holidays will soon be starting. Given the isolated, online work they have just had, start planning this time with your child. This should be a productive time and one that gives your child joy, physical opportunities, some adventure and quiet time.

• Keep the conversation flowing with regard to all the progress being made with vaccines etc. Our children need to understand the times they are living through. Their understanding may carry with it some anxiety but it should be filled with accurate knowledge on the management of the virus. Of course, the information to be given must be age-appropriate.

Finally, children thrive on being happy and having a sense of hope and optimism in their world. For this to be achievable they rely on you, the parent. Keeping the focus for the future on a positive note is such an important part of the parent’s work in today’s climate where unpredictability thrives and their foundational years can be shaken. You are the rock upon which the foundation is built.

“It’s not simply the learning..
It’s the stability. Stability is essential in the lives of children.”

—   Pedro Noguera

Let’s look at Naplan or is it Noplan?

The purpose of the Naplan testing was always about the Government gaining data that they could use in planning for educational improvements. Whilst there have been many theories and beliefs in the latter years about why Naplan, the question now is whether it has relevance in helping your child in their learning?

There are many questionable factors that have made the overall data to some degree invalid and worthless. For example, some schools may teach to the test, thereby disadvantaging those children who are not specifically working towards the test. Of course, the question is also whether more independent schools will approach the test with rigour to ensure the best results for the school. Also, what if your child was unwell the day of the test. How relevant are the results?

What are your thoughts on Naplan?

Consider that teachers will teach the curriculum in different ways across a year. What if they have not as yet taught what was on the test? Does this discriminate against your child?

Does my child feel the anxiety of these very formal tests at a young age?

Certainly, in my experience, there was a good percentage of children who felt the pressure. They would be anxious about their results being interpreted in the light of everyone else in the state. Also, consider the disruption to teaching and to teachers as they prepare and organise the children to sit the tests. Do the test results reflect their teaching? And so, the general concerns go on.

 A big factor in this discussion is that if this is about the results of the individual child, we need to remember that teachers are testing constantly. It is a normal part of their work. They already have a collection of data in a range of areas that reflect the child’s progress. Therefore, does the Naplan guide their teaching? I believe not!

In today’s world of increasing anxiety in children, not the least of which has been the pandemic disruptions and related worries, why do we need a standardised test? Simply ask your child’s teacher to show their results which are cumulative, given under less stressful conditions and a normal part of a teacher’s week. The teachers know your child. A standardised test does not tell you much about your child.

I encourage the debate about the relevance of Naplan and recognise that the best evaluation of your child’s progress comes directly from the classroom teacher.

 After all, we do not want:

• Increased anxiety in our children about their performance in a standardised test.

• Developing competition between schools.

• The building up of pressure in teachers and compromising how they teach to suit a test.

Educating children is a broad and complex issue. It should be built around developing their strengths and not dotting in bold their weaknesses. How can we educate if we are constrained to such limitations as a standardised test?

“Whatever an education is, it should make you a unique individual not a conformist.”

— -John Taylor Gatto

First days of school for your prep child

What an adventure this is for all the family. Here are some tips on making the early days a success for all.

• Your child will be full of excitement and anticipation. This can sometimes go pear-shaped and turn into distress unless handled well. Keep in mind that you need to be physically close to your child as you enter school. This is comforting for them.

• ·Talk about some happy things you notice such as the school play equipment, coloured seats etc. Here you are filling their thoughts that this is a good place to be. You certainly approve!

• Go in the class with your child and make sure they are comfortably seated. Quickly space will fill and it will become a noisy place of children, parents, extended families etc. all competing for a space near their child. Here you talk calmly and stay with them but leave quickly when told. Finish your conversation with something like:

“I’ll meet you over there. I love you.”

• Tell them exactly where you will meet them. In fact, go to the place that you will meet them after school. Honouring this by being on time is very important to the child.

• Show them the lunch you packed. Let them help and put in some treats. Afterall school should be a happy place with warm memories. Also, put in a smiley picture in the lunchbox. This is such a treat when they spot it at lunchtime.

• When they leave the classroom after school just let them talk and you be the great listener with much excitement in your voice about what your child has discovered in the day. Don’t be questioning too much, just let them talk.

• For several days keep the same routine up. The teachers will guide the parents as to how and when they want parents present in the room.

• Remember that school consumes much of their week now and this will require some family adjustment to cope with tears, tiredness, insecurities etc. that will appear in the first few weeks. It is quite common that when the shine comes off the new aspect of school, the child begins to reflect on what they are missing at home. They then begin to feel remorseful being away from family. This is especially the case when there are younger siblings at home.

• Encourage independence as the days progress. They can help you plan their clothes for the new school day, organise school bag and lunch. Take it slowly but indicate that growing independence is all part of being a real school student.

• Always be on time to collect your child and make certain that if there are new arrangements for the pickup, your child must have a full grasp of this information. Home time can be a busy and unsettling time for some children as they anxiously wait to be collected.

• If this is not your first child in prep, remember that for them it is still a unique time in their life and attention should be given to their special settling in time. Sometimes because the family are familiar with school, there can be a tendency to think that your latest prep will settle much faster. Surprisingly this may not be the case.

• Label all items of clothing, lunch boxes etc. This is important so that your child feels secure and there is less anxiety when these items are lost. Little disturbance such as misplaced water bottles can be unsettling situations for the child.

Everyone in the family loves their prep child. They are the centre of attention. They will succeed and prosper. Extended family such as grandparents all become intensely interested in the joy of their grandchild starting school. Sometimes these expectations can be overwhelming for the child especially if they are feeling sad and have moments of wanting to be home. Keep an eye on how they are feeling on all fronts. Remember we cannot set expectations for them other than they settle well and begin to enjoy the school scene.

Ultimately, we want the child to begin loving the journey of school on many fronts.

“This is the beginning of anything you want.”

— Author Unknown

First day jitters can last a little while.

A check in now that school is back

Yes, school is back in all its glory! This means that families can start to set up routines and schedules for their week so that everyone is in control.

However, let’s consider a few facts.  Is it possible that as a family some habits will have changed? I would like to list some possibilities to think about with regard to the coronavirus pandemic that has impacted on all our lives. This list is to get us thinking about possible changes to our life and family that project us into a new norm.

Returning back to school after isolation and Covid-19

• Notice how your relationship with your children has changed. The quality time together that you had at home is isolation may now be challenging you to be more in touch with your child. Try to hang onto what you have gained in this area.

• Going back to routines can also drop down our time together to talk and engage as a family. Your child may grieve the loss of the strong connection you developed. Keep an eye on maintaining that relationship.

• Now that your child is at school how is that impacting on your life? Are you missing the strong bond that developed?  Have you noticed your routines changing? Is there more of a focus now on finding some personal time. Can you keep hanging on to that precious development in your life?

• Check in with your child about how they are adjusting to school. The excitement will be there at first but their biological clocks are shifting again and the attention which a parent gave is now less. Are they coping with school routines?

• Talk as a family regularly about the experiences as a family of being at home. List all the great experiences and memories that you want to keep. Highlight important learning that you as a family gained.

• Consider taking a family photo of yourselves in your Covid mode. This can be important to talk about later as a family. Your child will have a very distinctive memory of the journey and you want to bring it into a favourable family experience.

• Are there any habits that you have developed with your child? Did they begin to show more independence around the house such as cooking, cleaning etc. Try to keep these independent developments continuing and try not to fall back into habits of doing tasks for them.

• Discuss how your child learnt from online school activities. This certainly would have strengthened their computer skills and you will find that teachers will now be keen to give them more group activities requiring conversation and interaction. Talk to your child about what style of learning they enjoy the most and why? This encourages them to reflect on how to learn effectively and what suits them.

• Your child, especially if they are younger may become anxious about losing contact with you given the intensity of your relationship over the past several weeks. You may need to check in with them about their feelings of having less time with you.

• The pandemic came with some very scary predictions over the past few weeks. Talk positively about why your child is safe going back to school and give them reassurance by gently educating them on how to be safe both at school, in public and at home.

What you as a family have experienced is quite unique. There is no research available to tell us how the future will look or to guide us coming out of the pandemic.

As the parent, your role is to keep your child educated with the facts always age-appropriate information of course. Giving them frequent reassurance that you are strongly present in their lives is, I consider a high priority as the child meanders their way into our new normality.

Going back to school. What will it mean?

Firstly, let’s consider the amazing journey in learning that your child has been on over the past few weeks. It comes with excitement, some boredom, new ways of learning, changed relationships with parents, insecurity about friends and so the list goes on. Your child’s awareness of the bigger world and its implications for their life and safety are quite vivid in their thinking.

The memory of this experience will remain with them for some time to come. When they are grown, they will reflect on this unique time in their life. The good news about returning to school is that children are so flexible and given that all children have experienced the journey of being isolated from friends, they will all approach the school setting with caution and optimism. This may mean new friendships may be formed. It may mean that they are more aware of their surroundings and the difference it presents from homeschooling. Whatever their sensations and feelings, they have grown existentially over the past few months and this will manifest itself perhaps in some changed behaviour and or responses to situations.

What can you do to support your child while returning back to school?

What can you do to support the child? Here are some tips on making the transition back to school a comfortable one.

• Simply be aware that there will be differences in your child. They may say unusual things and act a little differently to normal habits. Just accept the difference and engage in healthy conversation. Remember that for some children especially the more vulnerable and younger children, they may experience some grief leaving the home nest.

• It is a good idea to occasionally say: “Being back at school must be exciting and different. I wonder how you feel about it now?” Here you are inviting conversation and not demanding an immediate response.

• If your child reacts with a message that school is too much and I want to stay home, you will need to gently discuss what is on their mind.

“It seems that you are anxious about some school issues. Do you want to talk about it?”

• Be prepared that from time to time your child may be unsettled about getting back to routines. Discuss the weekly routines as a family and prepare them for what tomorrow brings.

• Talk about how happy you are for them to be back at school. Take care not to make statements talking about how you miss them and wish we were all home again.

• Give very clear messages about how getting back to school will look like for you as a family. A child needs to feel that routines and home/ school environments work in well together. Of course, there may be some practical changes.

• Reassure your child that they are safe returning to school. They will be fearful if they feel you are nor certain about their return to school safely with coronavirus still present in society. Remind them that responsible adults are making very special precautions for their safety and you trust them implicitly.

• Take care not to probe them with heavy questions when they get home, especially about hygiene questions. Obviously, you need to talk about how they took care with themselves in keeping distances, washing hands etc., but they will become frightened if you place doubt on the school’s capabilities of caring for them. This will only make them feel vulnerable and more anxious about attending school.

• If you have queries about the school’s hygiene habits do not talk around the child but independently contact the teacher for reassurance.

• Affirm the school for all the efforts and care they are taking around your child. This helps your child feel confident.

• Children will be anxious about resuming relationships with friends. You can help them by being an effective listener, encouraging your child to find new friendships and display affirmation when they show initiative in building relationships with others.

 We are now experiencing a new norm for your child. There will be some hurdles to jump now that your child returns to school. Your parenting is so important in steering their re-entry to school with warmth, reassurance and understanding. Naturally, there will be some regret on your part that they are no longer present each day of your life for twenty-four hours. Time now to share them with the bigger world.

“It’s not what happens to you but how you react to it.”

— Epictetus