Let’s look at conversations to have with your child
By having regular, open conversations, parents can nurture a positive outlook in their child’s life. Here are five meaningful topics parents can frequently discuss to support mental health, instill confidence, and remind children that they are always loved. Read on to learn how these conversations can help your child grow with confidence and emotional security.
Here are five great conversation topics that parents can frequently discuss with their children to support mental health, foster a positive disposition, and reassure them of being loved. Frequent positive reminders are healthy ways to give a positive outlook to a growing child and to build emotional intelligence.
Emotions and Feelings
Topic: "How are you feeling today? It's okay to have all kinds of emotions."
Purpose: Encourage emotional expression and validation of feelings. This helps children understand that it’s normal to have a range of emotions and that their feelings are important.
Reassuring Message: "No matter how you feel, I'm always here to listen and support you."
Self-Worth and Inner Strength
Topic: "What do you think makes you special or unique?"
Purpose: This encourages self-reflection and builds self-esteem by helping the child recognize their strengths, talents, and individuality.
Reassuring Message: "You are amazing just the way you are, and I love you for who you are."
Challenges and Problem-Solving
Topic: "What was something challenging today, and how did you handle it?"
Purpose: Encouraging conversations about handling challenges reinforces resilience and problem-solving skills, helping children approach difficulties with a positive mindset.
Reassuring Message: "No matter what happens, you’re strong, and I believe in your ability to get through tough times."
Gratitude and Positivity
Topic: "What are three things you’re thankful for today?"
Purpose: Fostering gratitude can shift the focus toward the positive aspects of life, promoting optimism and mental well-being.
Reassuring Message: "Even when things are hard, there’s always something good, and I’m grateful to have you in my life."
Love and Belonging
Topic: "What’s something fun we could do together soon?"
Purpose: Strengthen the parent-child bond by focusing on shared experiences, making the child feel valued and connected.
Reassuring Message: "You are always loved, no matter what, and spending time with you makes me happy."
Frequent conversations on these topics not only build a child's mental resilience but also provide the emotional security that they are loved and supported unconditionally. Every child needs reassurance and will from time to time need that extra reassurance that their world is fine.
“A parent’s positive reassurance is a life line to a child.”
Why it is important to monitor the mental health of your child
In today's complex world, children face an overwhelming influx of information from social media and other sources. It's crucial to ensure their happiness and sense of security during the early years to build mental resilience. By being present, listening well, and working together to solve problems, parents can foster resilience and reassurance in their children. Gail Smith emphasizes the importance of monitoring and supporting your child's mental health.
It is such a complicated world now that we are always in the throws of social media etc. There is much for our children to absorb and to learn. We know that keeping our children happy and feeling secure in the early years is critical to building mental stamina.
The following thoughts remind us of the importance of being aware of how your child is handling their mental health.
Good mental health in the early years can:
• Prevent Anxiety and Depression: Early monitoring helps identify signs of anxiety and depression, allowing for timely intervention and reducing long-term impacts.
• Promote Academic Success: A mentally healthy child is more focused, engaged, and motivated in school, leading to better academic performance.
• Encourage Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Regular check-ins teach children how to manage stress and emotions, fostering resilience and emotional intelligence.
• Strengthen Parent-Child Connection: Being attentive to a child's mental health builds trust and opens lines of communication, making children more likely to share their feelings.
• Reduce Risk of Substance Abuse: Monitoring mental well-being can help prevent negative behaviours, such as substance abuse, that children might turn to as coping mechanisms.
• Support Long-Term Well-being: Ensuring good mental health in childhood sets the foundation for a happier, more balanced adult life, with fewer mental health issues.
Of course we do not live in a perfect world and from time to time your child will be challenged on various levels especially socially and emotionally. Simply be there, understand, listen well and together find solutions to problems. That kind of nurture builds resilience and reassurance in children.
“Tears fall for a reason and they are your strength not weakness.”
The importance of helping your child develop a positive body image
In today's world, our children can face many challenges when it comes to body image. It's important to help them develop a positive view of themselves. Gail Smith explains why this is so crucial and offers tips on how you can support your child in this process.
As parents we can be very helpful in our children’s formation years, encouraging them to love themselves and to appreciate how they look and feel about themselves. There are many challenges in today’s world with body image and our children can be exposed to some very unhealthy misconceptions. In their vulnerable years, they can be easily influenced and our role as parents is to offer a nurturing, gentle introduction to developing in themselves, a positive body image, where self-love takes a focus.
Consider the following suggestions:
Model positive body image and self-confidence in your own attitudes and
behaviours. Avoid making negative comments about your own body. Talk about
how you work on building a healthy body. Show them that you are very
comfortable in your skin.
Teach your child to use positive self-talk and affirmations to promote self-
acceptance and confidence. Encourage them to focus on their strengths, rather
than comparing themselves to others. Talk openly about feeling good about
yourself is so important.
Shift the focus from appearance to health by emphasizing the importance of
nourishing their bodies with nutritious foods, getting regular exercise, and
getting enough rest. Encourage them to listen to their body's cues and prioritise
self-care. Present images of healthy looking people and keep away from the body
beautiful image.
Talk to your child about the unrealistic beauty standards portrayed in media and
how they can distort perceptions of body image. Help them develop critical
thinking skills to question media messages. Beauty comes in many forms is an
important message.
Celebrate diversity and teach your child to appreciate the beauty of different body types, ethnicity, and cultures. Talk about differences and how healthy it is that we have variations in our body shapes and attitudes to others.
Encourage your child to engage in activities that make them feel good about
themselves and their bodies, such as sports, dance, art, or hobbies. Focus on the
joy of movement and the sense of accomplishment rather than appearance or
performance. Keep an eye on how they dress and affirm responsible dress ware.
Create a supportive and inclusive environment at home where your child feels
accepted and valued for who they are. Encourage open communication and
provide reassurance and encouragement when they express insecurities. Make
your home a comfortable inclusive space for everyone in all shapes and sizes.
Emphasise the importance of inner qualities such as kindness, compassion,
intelligence, and creativity over external appearance. Help your child develop a
strong sense of self-worth based on their character and values rather than
superficial attributes. It is not what we look like it is alley about what is inside.
Limit exposure to media that promotes unrealistic beauty standards or negative
body image messages. Encourage your child to follow positive role models and
influences who promote self-love, body positivism, and exclusivity. Leave
healthy journals and magazines around the house promoting good health and
hygiene.
If you notice signs of body image issues or low self-esteem in your child, seek
professional help from a therapist or counsellor who specialises in body image
and self-esteem issues. Monitor your child’s changing attitudes to themselves
especially when they enter teenage years.
Take care to have no negative talk about body images that you see on television, social media etc. Be a safe house where you understand that people are basically different and that’s OK!
“Dear Body,
You were never a problem. There is nothing wrong with your size.... You’re good enough already.”
Are you ready for your child becoming a teenager?
Raising a teenager can be difficult. Read some parenting tips on how to strengthen your relationship with your teenager.
Maybe you have already seen some signs in your 10, 11 or 12 year old. Signs of adolescents can gradually creep into your child’s changing behaviour slowly, or with an almighty thud! Either way its best to know and understand the signs so that you, now the proud parent of a teenager, can adjust. Believe me, adjusting is necessary for your continued growth as a parent.
As your child becomes a teenager, parents will be challenged and of course there will be some moments of grief, realising that you have lost the child that seemed so vulnerable and needy. In fact you may struggle to recognise what they have become and especially if their attitude turns brittle and defensive. Fear not they all come out the other end as caring, young adults, just like the butterfly from the cocoon. However, you play a part in this transformation. So your adjustment and change in living and empathetically working with your emerging teenager is so necessary.
Think back to when you became a teenager. Did you have challenges with your parents? How were they handled? What would have helped you through that time? Do you have fond memories of those adults that listened and understood you?
Consider:
Becoming a teenager means that they will be more sensitive about what you say to them and how you speak to them. They are gradually discovering who they are and need your understanding in cutting them some slack when they say and do things that seem unacceptable to you. They are also very conscious about their looks, their weight and how their peers see them. They will be in and out of feeling good about themselves. Your gentle encouragement here and acceptance of their change is really needed. I would say tolerance is especially needed.
They are at an age where they want to be making their own decisions. Guide them in this. Be a negotiator with gradual authority going over to them. Include them in family plans. Invite their opinion and listen to suggestions they make. They need to feel credible and valued. Affirm their thoughts and sometimes consider giving way to some things that are important to you. There will be mistakes, but this is a time of learning and discovery.
Now that they are a teenager they will want and need their own space. They need to feel freer and less exposed to all the family, especially younger siblings. If it is possible to find some more space for them this would be helpful. Now is a time to recognise that they are individuals who want some privacy.
When having family discussions, try to be more inclusive of their opinions. Let them see that you appreciate their opinions and their ideas are considered when planning. This may mean having conversations that are considered a bit more for an adult without younger siblings present. The more your adolescent feels that you are making allowances for their maturation, the happier will be your relationship.
Give them space and don’t be surprised if you notice changes in how they think, what they believe in and who they now want to befriend. It is a time for sorting out and taking on new values etc. Be a listener and gently affirm their actions of course within reason. Never compromise your values, but you are showing that you are a reasonable person that is happy to accept change within reason.
Understand that differences will be evident and they will naturally want to reject some of your much loved values and beliefs. Be patient and whilst you still need to maintain your own credibility, show tolerance for the differences they are now presenting.
Finally there is an expression:
‘The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.’
In my experience the foundations you have set will be deeply entrenched overtime in your child. They may go through a period of rejection as they challenge what has been given to them. When they take on adulthood you may find your values repeated in their life. Maybe with a few modern twists thrown in.
‘Let go of preconceived notions and prejudices. Expect surprises; expect miracles.’
Michael Joseph
Being a pre-teen can be tricky when it comes to changing emotions.
Have you found your pre-teen child acting a little differently? Perhaps they seem to have lost their cuteness and baby friendliness.
Well, be reassured this is normal. As the child grows to being a teen or older, they are developing their reasoning and understandings of the world and themselves in a very critical way.
Do you have an emerging teenager?
Teachers, when given their class for the new year, would put a lot of thought into the age group that they would be teaching. Some teachers particularly felt stronger teaching younger children and there were some teachers who felt they had a particular aptitude to working with children at the senior level of the school. What was happening here is the teacher’s awareness that how you teach children should reflect their age and mental capacity to process information. Also having an understanding of their developing self-awareness was important. It was also necessary to reflect on the language used and how you build their self-esteem.
As a parent, you are exposed to the emotional changing face of your child. At first, we can approach noticeable differences appearing with trepidation. However, we need to develop a healthy and positive attitude to the changes you see developing in your child.
We need to accept that change is normal and that we are ready to help the child through such changes. As growth occurs, particularly expect changes in emotions. This will impact on how they perceive problems and it will reflect on how they respond to situations. The pre-teen is beginning to see the bigger picture and question where they fit into it. Suddenly, other people’s opinions matter, as well as their parents, and they are keen to find a social place in their world. Often, they are keen to have more personal space and look to parents for trust in the independent decisions they make which are out of the hands of parents.
It is a time of personal awakening and the child begins to see the bigger picture, offer opinions and they are keen to demonstrate their ability to be independent thinkers and doers in different ways.
I particularly enjoyed teaching this age group, as it was a great time for children to question, probe and be innovative in their work. They grew more vocal, more personally confident and their social engagements with friends often deepened. Also, they began to recognise their own strengths and to understand their place in society.
If you have a child who is going through this pre-teen period consider the following thoughts that may help you deal with what can be a confusing and tricky adjusting time for all the family.
If you notice changing moods stay with them and try not to over question. Be prepared to be shocked and pleased in unusual ways. Remember this is also a testing and discovery time for your child. They will try on new values, new concepts which can be testing.
Talk often as a family. Invite conversations about what has been happening over the week. Try not to probe especially when they are not talkative.
Affirm noticeable changes. This can be through their school work, home habits etc. This is all about reassuring the child that they are valued for their differences as well as their commonalities.
“I notice that you are wearing a different hairstyle today. I like this new look.”
Take care not to put extra demands on your child if they are struggling to cope with school and home. This can be a sign that they need some respite, not additional duties. A child at this age can become quite overwhelmed by all the changes and expectations placed on them.
They will probably spend considerable time in their bedroom. Just check in with this habit ensuring that they have adequate family time for discussion. Keeping your child busy with activities such as sport can reduce the time they spend on their own and keep their spirits uplifted through physical exercise.
Be generous in allowing them to engage with friends. Invite them into your home and ensure that you place no judgements on their friends. This is a sensitive time for a child in establishing friends.
Your child that is normally bubbly and talkative may suddenly talk less and become more remote. Some of this behaviour is normal. However, check in to ensure that your child still has a balance of family time, busy activities etc.
Take care not to be critical of the changes you notice. This also includes not referring to how you liked them when they were younger and less irritable or sulky etc. Here you are understanding and accepting of the transition your child is undergoing. Respect their right to make that transition.
These thoughts simply remind us that pre-teens are a very changeable and sensitive time for children. They are discovering themselves physically, emotionally and mentally. They will be making personal assessments of their own successes and failures. A parent’s role is to allow them that time to make changes and to celebrate all new aspects of metamorphosis that appear in your child. The caterpillar that becomes the butterfly, works hard to create that change.
“There are two gifts we should give our children;
One is roots,
And the other is wings.”