FEEL SAFE AND BE SAFE IS GOOD MENTAL HEALTH FOR YOUR CHILD
Emotional safety is the foundation of good mental health. When children feel safe with you, their confidence and resilience grow. In this blog, Gail Smith shares simple, practical habits you can build into everyday life to help your child feel secure, supported, and strong.
Keeping your child feeling safe can happen through sound basic habits.
Consider:
Be their safe place
Let your child know they can talk to you about anything—no judgement, no overreaction. Just calm, caring presence. This also means keeping the volume of your voice down.
Help them name their feelings
Use gentle words to label emotions: “You look frustrated” or “Are you feeling nervous?” Naming feelings helps kids manage them better. It also takes the sting out of the words.
Create calming routines
Predictable routines give kids a sense of control and comfort, especially during transitions like bedtime or coming home from school. Talk about the routines and have them visual around the house.
Stay calm yourself
Your mood sets the tone at home. When you stay grounded, you help your child feel steady, too. A child’s radar goes up quickly when they detect frustration from you. After that they shutdown.
Focus on connection, not just correction
When your child makes a mistake, connect first—then guide. Try “Help me understand what happened,” instead of punishment right away. If upset create space before dealing with the issue. This helps you calm down.
Celebrate little wins
Praise effort, kindness, courage, things that build inner strength. It tells your child, you are more than just your results. The effort is what we are rewarding.
Model self-care
Show them what it looks like to rest, breathe, talk things out, and ask for help. Kids copy what they see. A calm parent tells their child they are approachable.
These small choices add up. Every time your child feels emotionally safe with you, their confidence and resilience grow.
Good principles of parenting
The idea of being a perfect parent is a myth. Instead, Gail Smith shares some fundamental principles that can guide us through the ups and downs of parenting. These practices will help you navigate challenges and changes with greater confidence throughout your parenting journey.
Let’s keep in mind that our parenting will keep changing as we gradually grow into it and as our children grow older and their needs change. It is in constant evolution. What we need to keep stable are some fundamental principles of good parenting. They will hold us in good stead in times of turbulence and change throughout our parenting years.
Consider the following principles:
Unconditional Love
Love your child for who they are, not just for what they do. Your love is their safe haven in the world. Unconditional love means that despite behaviour that you do not like, you still love the child. It is only behaviour driven by some anxiety.
Active Listening
When you listen to your child with an open heart, you show them that their voice matters. It's the key to understanding and connection. Effective listening allows the child to feel heard and valued. They are then more inclined to go to you when they are anxious and need to be heard.
Setting Boundaries with Empathy
Boundaries are like the walls of a safe playground. Set them with love and understanding, so your child can explore the world confidently. Boundaries allow the child to know where they stand and what matters to you the parent.
Positive Reinforcement
Praise their effort and progress, not just the end result. Your encouragement fuels their motivation to learn and grow. Be specific when praising. Let the child know what is valued in the praise.
Teaching Through Example
Your actions speak louder than words. Be the role model you want your child to follow, and they'll learn from your example.
Embracing Mistakes as Learning
Mistakes are stepping stones, not stumbling blocks. Show your child that it's okay to make mistakes; it's how we learn and improve. Let them see in your own life how you use mistakes to inform your life. Talk openly about how mistakes are a great learning tool.
Provide a safe haven
A child that feels safe takes more risks and learns more confidently through their home environment. Set it up so that conversation is encouraged and affirmation is given regularly. Let there be no judgement on their efforts.
Set up a positive learning environment
This should be a creative space where your child feels safe to talk about issues, develop ideas and discuss topics. Allow your child to explore their thinking in a home and family environment that is open to ideas and questions all the time. They will feel free to be creative and extend ideas and thoughts well beyond the conventional.
We can never be the perfect parent. That is a myth. We can however be a parent that understands and works hard to practise some basis principles that hold strong and true through your rearing years.
“Learning some basic principles of parenting provides a safety zone for good parenting.”
Why it is important to monitor the mental health of your child
In today's complex world, children face an overwhelming influx of information from social media and other sources. It's crucial to ensure their happiness and sense of security during the early years to build mental resilience. By being present, listening well, and working together to solve problems, parents can foster resilience and reassurance in their children. Gail Smith emphasizes the importance of monitoring and supporting your child's mental health.
It is such a complicated world now that we are always in the throws of social media etc. There is much for our children to absorb and to learn. We know that keeping our children happy and feeling secure in the early years is critical to building mental stamina.
The following thoughts remind us of the importance of being aware of how your child is handling their mental health.
Good mental health in the early years can:
• Prevent Anxiety and Depression: Early monitoring helps identify signs of anxiety and depression, allowing for timely intervention and reducing long-term impacts.
• Promote Academic Success: A mentally healthy child is more focused, engaged, and motivated in school, leading to better academic performance.
• Encourage Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Regular check-ins teach children how to manage stress and emotions, fostering resilience and emotional intelligence.
• Strengthen Parent-Child Connection: Being attentive to a child's mental health builds trust and opens lines of communication, making children more likely to share their feelings.
• Reduce Risk of Substance Abuse: Monitoring mental well-being can help prevent negative behaviours, such as substance abuse, that children might turn to as coping mechanisms.
• Support Long-Term Well-being: Ensuring good mental health in childhood sets the foundation for a happier, more balanced adult life, with fewer mental health issues.
Of course we do not live in a perfect world and from time to time your child will be challenged on various levels especially socially and emotionally. Simply be there, understand, listen well and together find solutions to problems. That kind of nurture builds resilience and reassurance in children.
“Tears fall for a reason and they are your strength not weakness.”
Keep A Look Out For Signs Of Stress In Your Child
In today's world, we often check in on our children's mental health. Social media and other challenges faced by youth remind us to stay vigilant. Gail Smith points out some common triggers that may indicate your child is under too much stress. By recognizing these signs, you can better gauge your child's well-being and offer support when needed. It's important to keep an eye out for these cues to ensure your child feels safe and supported.
We live in a world where we intermittently check in on our children's mental health. The pressures through social media and other youth-driven challenges alert us to the need to be vigilant. Below are some known triggers that can be a sign of unacceptable stress in your child. Some stress is normal, and we live with it, finding ways to work it through our life. However, when stress is out of control, we need to intervene. Occasionally tap into your child's well-being index by checking in to these signs:
Changes in Sleep Patterns
Difficulty falling or staying asleep or frequent nightmares can indicate stress. Conversely, a child may sleep excessively to escape stressful feelings.
Behavioural Changes
Increased irritability, mood swings, or withdrawal from family and friends can be signs of stress. A usually outgoing child becoming withdrawn or a calm child suddenly acting out can be indicators.
Physical Symptoms
Complaints of headaches, stomachaches, or other unexplained physical symptoms can manifest as stress. These symptoms often occur without a medical cause and can be recurring.
Academic Performance
A sudden drop in grades, lack of interest in school, or difficulty concentrating on schoolwork can be signs of stress. Stress can impact cognitive functions and overall academic engagement. Always check first with the teacher.
Changes in Eating Habits
Noticeable changes in appetite, such as eating much more or much less than usual, can be a response to stress. This includes skipping meals or binge eating.
Regression to Earlier Behaviours
Reverting to behaviours typical of a younger age, such as bed wetting, clinginess, or thumb-sucking, can indicate that a child is experiencing stress and is seeking comfort.
Frequent Crying
A child who cries easily or often without a clear reason may be experiencing stress. This can be a way for them to release pent-up emotions.
Avoidance Behaviours
A child might try to avoid certain situations or activities that they previously enjoyed, or that are typical for their age group. This could include avoiding school, social events, or specific tasks.
Increased Dependency
A stressed child may become more clingy or dependent on their parents or caregivers, seeking constant reassurance and comfort.
Excessive Worrying or Fearfulness
Persistent worry about various aspects of their life, including school, family, or friends, can be a sign of stress. This might manifest as asking repetitive questions about upcoming events or expressing fears that seem disproportionate to the situation.
When you build a relationship that is open and honest with your child, you will find that your child is more willing to talk to you about their feelings of stress. The above thoughts are just a guiding tool to raise your awareness of symptoms of unacceptable stress that may appear in your child from time to time.
The stress your child feels will be lightened by your ever loving and understanding presence. -Gail J Smith
Helping children cope with distressing media
Help your kids understand that the internet is like a tool. It can be used for good or not so good things. Teach them to be in control of what they see and how they use it. With your guidance, they can learn to use social media wisely and understand the digital world better. Gail Smith has some great tips on how to do this.
Addressing distressing media is crucial, especially for parents navigating this digital age with their children. Of course, we need to live in the real world and there has been some very distressing news which needs to be processed with our children in a way that they can understand.
Here are some thoughts on how to educate our children in understanding our modern world where social media can be consumptive:
Establish healthy boundaries around screen time for both yourself and your children. Setting specific hours for media consumption can help mitigate exposure to distressing content. After all, how much media do we need on a daily basis?
Create safe spaces online where children can explore content that is curated and monitored by parents. This could include setting up restricted profiles on streaming services or utilizing parental controls on devices.
Stress the importance of open communication between yourself and your children regarding media consumption. Create a supportive environment where children feel comfortable discussing anything they may find distressing online.
Talk to your child about how media can have confusion and sensationalism built in. Teach children how to critically analyze media content. This includes helping them understand bias, fact-checking information, and recognizing manipulation tactics used in media. It is most important that they learn not to believe everything they hear and see.
Monitor your child’s social media usage and be aware of the platforms they are using. Set privacy settings and discuss appropriate online behaviour with your child.
Prioritize your own well-being when consuming media. Take breaks from news and social media if it becomes overwhelming and engage in activities that promote relaxation and stress relief. This demonstrates to your child that you want and need a balance in your life.
Offer suggestions for alternative activities that you as a family can engage in together that doesn’t involve screens, such as outdoor adventures, board games, or creative projects.
It is important as the parent to model healthy media behaviour for your child. Children often mimic their parents’ habits, so it is essential for parents to demonstrate balanced media consumption themselves. Take care how you talk about the media content in front of your child.
Stay informed about current events but do so mindfully. Consuming excessive news coverage of distressing events can take a toll on mental health, so it’s important to strike a balance between staying informed and protecting one’s well-being.
Have frequent talks about how understanding media is critical to get only the best out of information that is posted in some way.
Involving your child in a busy, active life with sports activities, hobbies etc. throughout the week will give them a very happy lifestyle where the focus is not so much on social media.
When explaining issues to children that have been emblazoned in the news take your time and use language that your child will understand. Sometimes the sensational nature of how words are used can be very intimidating for a child. Check in with them later to see if they understood what you had to say.
Our children live in this digital age and whilst it fills so much of their day they still need to be in control. They need to see it as a tool that be can be used for good and at times not for good. They need to be scrutinizing and be in charge when it comes to deciding how to use it. In this way they are running the show and will be more in control of what they read and how they interpret material. Such maturity will be accelerated with your guidance and direction on how best to be engaged with the digital world.
“Social media is a very, very powerful tool. It also gives power to tools.”
A few tips to keep the household happy
We all want a happy and contented home, but we also know how quickly a peaceful home can turn into a tense one. Gail Smith has some practical tips that could help keep your household a happy and safe environment for your children.
We all like a happy contented house and we are all aware that it doesn’t take much to turn the balance from a happy household to a cranky one in a short time.
Here are a few practical tips that may have the potential to ease household tension.
Consider:
keep the house uncluttered as much as possible. Cluttered houses make as all cranky as we feel lost in the maze of items scattered around the house. The areas where the children use the most could be an easy space in which to walk around.
Try not to over talk your child when you are busy and expect them to do jobs. The question is, will they listen to you and how often do you need to repeat yourself?
Be proactive. If you can see trouble ahead can you ward it off or change some dynamic to lessen the impact.
Watch how tired you are getting. Dealing with the bigger issues when you are tired can be disastrous and put things out of perspective.
Each day think about keeping the happy levels up with children. A house that seems happy is good for mental health. A child feels secure when family around them are in a positive mood.
At night in preparing children for bed think about dulling the lights a half hour before bedtime. The atmosphere you create calms everyone down and is great preparation for going to bed.
Do you play music around the house? You can get your child involved in choosing some of this music. Listening to beautiful sounds is such a calming agent for everyone.
Having plenty of healthy snacks around the house, fruit bowls and healthy snack food that a child can access in the fridge presents a house that is warm and inviting through nurturing food.
Allow plenty of light in your house. Happy moods and positivity come from light infused environments. Make your home warm and inviting.
Set up some routines around the house. This could involve setting tables, pulling down blinds, putting dishes away in their correct place etc. Your child will be comforted by routine and familiarity. They need to know how well they are to live in their house.
Display your child’s work boldly and confidently perhaps on the fridge or a notice board. Let them see that in this house everyone is proud of the children’s efforts.
Consider your backyard. Is it set up to give your child space to play. Talk to your child about what they would like to see in their backyard.
These simple suggestions are about making life at home easier to manage as a family. We know that the less tension that we encounter in a home setting, the happier the environment which for our children is to be a safe haven.
“A home that is warm and inviting that allows a child to breathe with ease is happy space for any child.”
Be available to listen to your child at this early stage of the school year
When you listen well to your child you see your child more clearly. Explore the reasons for effective listening with Gail Smith, especially at this early stage of the school year.
At this early stage of the school year it is most important to be a good listener to your child. There will be the usual challenges and adjustments with a new classroom teacher and a different culture of children in a class. They need to have your ear when they come home. Some reasons for effective listening are listed below. You may identify with some as only you know how your child responds to change.
Being a good listener builds trust between you and your child. Once trust is established they will talk more about their deep concerns. They will safe to talk.
By actively listening, you can understand any concerns or anxieties your child may have about the new school year. Addressing these concerns helps them feel supported.
Listening attentively to your child's thoughts and feelings promotes their emotional well-being. It provides a safe space for them to express themselves, reducing stress and fostering a positive mindset.
Effective listening helps you identify your child's needs, whether they're related to schoolwork, social interactions, or personal challenges. This allows you to provide appropriate support and guidance. It is different for every child.
When you listen well you will actually be surprised at what you hear. Then asking simple questions may help get to the bottom of the problem sooner.
When children feel heard and understood, it boosts their confidence. Knowing that their opinions and experiences matter encourages them to engage more actively in school and other social situations. Sometimes just talking it through is enough!
Actively listening to your child strengthens the bond between you. It creates a sense of connection and security, making them more likely to turn to you for guidance and support. That is the right place for your child to get the support.
Understanding your child's thoughts about school allows you to provide targeted support for their academic success. You can address any challenges they may be facing and work together on solutions.
When you get into the habit of listening well your child will expect nothing less. However the reward is the richness of conversation that develops.
A child who feels vulnerable in talking about their concerns will only disclose if they are genuinely listened to in a safe and trusting environment. Know your child’s needs.
Time is needed to be an active listener. You cannot do it on the run. Allow time when your child needs to talk.
At this early stage of the year is it a good idea to be readily available to listen to your child. They may need that comfortable ear.
“When you listen well to your child you see your child more clearly”
Why formal education is so important
From time to time people come up with the argument that formal school does not have value and that education at home could be adequate. Here are 8 reasons why formal education is essential for children.
From time to time people come up with the argument that formal school does not have value and that education at home could be adequate. It is also true to say that some people do not have fond memories of school and sadly there are sound reasons why that was the case. However, I am very much all for the advantages of formal learning sitting of course alongside the journey of learning that you the parents provide. When we have our doubts about formal school think about the following thoughts that remind us of what can be gained through formal schooling..
Foundation of Knowledge:
School provides the basic knowledge and skills needed to understand the world, like reading, writing, and basic maths. The formality of the classes comes with teacher’s training in techniques of teaching literacy. Parents work closely in conjunction with the school and enjoy those early years of their child opening their minds to reading.
Social Skills and Relationships:
It's where children learn to interact with others, make friends, and build essential social skills. The school yard is a miniature society where life happens and social engagements occurs.
Opportunities for Future Careers:
Education at school opens doors for various jobs and careers by providing a foundation of knowledge and qualifications. School provides networks where a student can access so much knowledge of what happens beyond school.
Critical Thinking and Problem-Solving:
School teaches how to think critically, solve problems, and make decisions, skills needed in everyday life. Teachers are well resourced to provide the best environment for this critical aspect of learning.
Personal Development:
It helps in developing discipline, time management, and responsibility, preparing kids for life as adults. The culture of the classroom and the social interpersonal experiences that happen each day are constantly feeding the maturation of personal development.
Understanding the World:
School exposes students to various subjects, cultures, and ideas, broadening their understanding of the world. There are many constant discussion etc on what the world is about through a school environment.
Health and Well-being:
It often includes education about health, nutrition, and exercise, promoting a healthier lifestyle. Also school offers children the opportunity to join teams etc.
Lifelong Learning:
It instils the value of continuous learning, encouraging a habit of learning throughout life. A classroom is a powerhouse of learning. Teachers use their talents to teach children all sorts of things and especially engage them in being independent learners.
‘Education is the passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today.’
Malcolm X
The importance of the child feeling safe
Children have a right to feel safe. The importance of feeling safe is critical to a healthy society and mental health. Small steps can be used to help your child feel safe and secure and small things can make them feel unsafe, even in their own home. Read here for some parenting tips and considerations.
The right to feel safe are popular words used by many aspects of society today. The importance of feeling safe is critical to a healthy society. It has particular importance for a child as their fragility and reliance on adults means that trusting the individual is critical for their mental stability and emotional sense of security as they are growing up.
For a child to feel safe in the hands of their parents there are many areas of safety to consider. Here are some that hopefully invite thoughts for parents.
Consider:
The safety of using good language is very important. Do we speak well to our children and not use words that can be a put down to a child? Name-calling and abusive use of language around children can leave a lasting memory. It is a powerful tool that can be used for good or evil.
A child feels safe in their home when they know that their parents look after them and nurture their needs especially when it comes to food, shelter and comfort. It is amazing how important their personal space and safe places like their bedroom are to them.
A child needs to play and they feel safe when they can play comfortably and uninterrupted with their toys, games etc. Consider the positioning of such items around the house.
Consider also safety when you plan holidays etc. I appreciate that planning such events is cumbersome, but give an extra thought to how your child will move around the holidays and with whom they will be associating. A child who is unfamiliar with new spaces has little skill in managing themselves when out of control or anxious.
In keeping your child well informed about what is happening in the family, you reduce their anxiety and the trust they place in you makes them feel safer. A child who feels that they do not have the true facts can become quite insecure.
Another form of safety is controlling the social media they are exposed to and television. As the child grows more independent in using such material your control can and will lessen. You need to be ahead of the game and talking to the school, looking at safety websites etc.is necessary. Ensure your child knows that you will be monitoring their use of technology for their own safety.
As an important and crucial model for your child by living your life happily will make your child feel safer. Research has proven time and time again that happy and well-adjusted parents make the child feel secure.
Also, the child should feel safe in making disclosures to you about serious matters in their life. They will do this if they have the confidence that you will handle their information well and not overreact. They need to feel safe that the information given will be treated well and there will be no surprises to your reaction. This is quite a big concern for a child who wants to disclose but must also feel safe enough to talk about it.
Consider that a child also needs you to be confidential about special things they tell you that are personal and important to them. They feel quite let down when they hear you talking to others about matters that should be just between you and your child. That intimacy is precious between yourself and the child.
Ultimately, the more the child trusts you and feels that you are an authentic and confidential person, the more they will feel safe in the love and care of their family through their growing years.
‘If children feel safe, they can take risks, ask questions, make mistakes, learn to trust, share their feelings and grow.’
- Alfie Kohn