The more we share joy with our children, the deeper and richer connection we make with them. Sharing joy triggers a host of significant physiological and psychological changes that improve our physical and mental health. Gail Smith shares some examples of what brings joy to your child.
Read MoreEmpowering your child with self-confidence is like giving them the keys to steer their own life's journey. Dive into Gail Smith’s tips for fun and effective ways to nurture and boost your child’s belief in themselves.
Read MoreIn today's world, our children can face many challenges when it comes to body image. It's important to help them develop a positive view of themselves. Gail Smith explains why this is so crucial and offers tips on how you can support your child in this process.
Read MoreEncourage your children to explore the world at their own pace, building resilience and happiness along the way. Read on to explore the strategies by Gail Smith, to help your child become more resilient!
Read MoreGail Smith sheds light on the power of tolerance in shaping how our children perceive and treat us, as well as others. The Primary Years.
Read MoreChildren will, from time to time, challenge your authority and demand that their needs be met. Gail Smith shares some positive cues that give you a greater capacity to manage the situation and reduce the impact on both the parent and the child.
Read MoreDive into profound insights with Gail Smith, exploring the meaningful value of dedicating one-on-one time with each of your children.
Read MoreTalk less, listen more next time when you are having a conversation with your children. Consider the following reasons why active listening is so important by Gail Smith.
Read MoreWith the challenges children face today, from academic pressures to social media’s influence, fostering their mental and emotional health has never been more important. Read on for some strategies and insights to help you in this enriching yet challenging endeavour.
Read MoreWhat we say and how we say it has such an impact on our child. Consider the following thoughts about the positive impact speaking well has on your child.
Read MoreImpostor Syndrome can isolate you from engaging with others. It makes you doubt your worthiness. Read on for some tips to stop these feelings in your children.
Read MoreA school’s environment will have much to offer your child. This blog discusses the positive benefits you can expect from the school.
Read MoreFor some children, finding their confidence can be a challenge. Here are some ways to build your child’s stamina in this area.
Read MoreA very young child at an egocentric stage, struggles with understanding that others can be better. With development and more self-awareness, they begin to start accepting themselves for who they are and recognising the bigger world around them. Read here for some different ways parents can help children to develop this awareness.
Read MoreA child is always on the go developing their sense of self-worth and building foundations that reassure them of their worthiness. They don't need to focus on others around them who are doing better or who perceive to be more successful. Read here for some suggestions to help you work with your child in offsetting unfortunate comparisons and how to build their self-esteem.
Read MoreWhen a child feels overwhelmed by too much information, they simply shut down as a defence. Children can become just as overwhelmed as adults. Read here on some strategies to help avoid anxiety in your children.
Read MoreOur children need to be steadily building a strong belief in themselves. They will put themselves forward and receive some knockdowns but climbing the ladder of being strongly connected to the world will come with mounting strong self-belief.
Read MoreHow often do we reward our children in spontaneous ways? Do we notice the various spontaneous occasions that can be rewarded and often through different ways?
Never underestimate the value of the positive words you use with your children. There is a clever way of getting even smarter with words and that is by picking up on spontaneous positive moments you notice.
Read MoreWhen our children are born, their dependency nee survival totally depends on ourselves, unlike many animal varieties that can within a short time, walk away from their parents and survive the wilds independently. Our species needs more time to be fed, nurtured and given some help to be upright and walking. At this point we have an incredible amount of power and responsibility for our children. No question about it, those early years are focussed on full support, care and safe direction for our family. Then suddenly things change. Once our children feel more personally in control, even if it is just a little, they seek out some independence. It is as though they are the butterfly edging their way out of the cocoon to find their independence and fly away. Gradually they grow stronger as they break free from their encased cocoon. The struggle they go through makes them stronger in their final exit from that encasement.
This is natural and normal. What the challenge is for parents is to help them slowly and gently discover their independence. Of course, there will be some struggle, possibly failure and endurance in this process. This can be challenging for some parents who struggle to let go and frightened to let their child make a mistake. What can then happen is a power struggle. Once power struggles creep into your life with your child, it can be a difficult journey to maneuver. If your plan is to win all the time, consider it a failure.
Here it is about working with your changing child, accepting that change will occur over time and choosing to be part of the process in a proactive way.
The following thoughts may help you prepare for that change.
Reflect that your power is all about responsibility which gradually reduces as the child takes on more accountability for their own life.
Gradually giving your child opportunities to be independent is the best way to lead them into feeling confident about their own capabilities. Such opportunities should start as early as you see evidence that they are seeking to do things on their own.
Letting go can be hard especially when the child asks for independence in areas that can be challenging. Often parents find teenage time the most difficult. Children want and demand to be given more freedom and yet you see danger ahead that they cannot manage or foresee. Therefore, you feel anxious as after all you have responsibilities to that adolescent.
When you let go and give them liberties affirm them when they have demonstrated to you that they can manage themselves well.
‘Well done. You walked to the shop on your own and followed all the road rules. This makes me feel that you know what to do.’
As the child seeks more and more independence, that may mean some negotiation on your part. Resentment can build if you simply dismiss their requests without discussion and without listening to their request.
Unsettled teenagers can be very determined in meeting their needs away from their parent’s eyes. We do not want that form of independence to develop. We want them to come to their parents, knowing that they will be heard and possibly some negotiation may occur.
Parents often feel a sense of grief when they see their child reaching out for independence. Look at it differently. Your child is growing and just as they learn to walk, they now need to grow in more social and intellectual areas. Your guidance and support through that time will give them the confidence that you trust them. You should begin to see parenting as a responsibility that is helping your child become an independent young adult. Put another way, it is irresponsible not to support their developing independence.
Every child is different but it is true to say that the first child generally has a harder road to walk in becoming independent. As parents, we are constantly learning how to manage their demands for independence. Consider this when relating to your firstborn.
Finally, by encouraging independence you are doing your child a great service. Building resilience and self-esteem strengthens a child’s feeling of confidence in managing themselves. No surprise that the children that developed independence early at school were fast learners, who took risks, challenged themselves and were not afraid of failure.
The great responsibility you have as a parent is to nurture independence and be a guide setting directions for your child, giving them the joy of personal exploration leading to self-management.
‘The greatest gift you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.’
-Denis Waitley
Consider how we speak. How do we use our words? Are we quick to say things off the cuff or are we more precise and careful in how we speak? Our children hear not only what we have to say but how we say it. They quickly pick up the intonation and sense our mood, intent and temper in our conversations. This blog is to invite us to reflect a little more deeply on how we present ourselves to children through our words. Do we want them to see us a controlled person or one who speaks with thought and with judgement in how we speak?
No question about it, children will be attracted to the parent who speaks calmly and is approachable and not so quick to temper. These are parents who choose their words carefully.
Consider the following:
How we speak gives a message to our children about how we approach life. More words are not always better than less, more meaningful words.
We want our children to engage with us over many topics. The more controversial, the less likely they will approach someone who speaks quickly, jumps to conclusions and can be quick to respond with strong opinion. Even using highly articulate words can be intimidating to a young child. By them not understanding the words can more unsettling.
Remember, ‘Words once spoken can never be revoked.’ (Horaci 65-8BC)
The advice here is about realising the power and potential damage if words are used with intent to hurt. By stopping and thinking before speaking we put the relationship at less risk. This gives us time to choose words well.
People who demonstrate action over words are considered wise and rational people. Our children benefit from seeing this model in their parents.
Careless thoughtless words can be very influential in changing relationships for good. Going into damage control is never as effective as simply avoiding such words.
Teachers know the value of speaking well and using it to bring out the best in children. They know that careless talk changes the relationship by diminishing trust and teaching children becomes more difficult. They encourage children to think about what they want to say so that they get the best from the conversation.
As a principal, it was so important to speak with clarity, know my facts and think about the words that I was using so that a child would not misinterpret what I said. By doing this I was in a better situation to have a healthy, productive conversation.
It is such a powerful tool, the use of words. We are gifted with speech but should see it as a force to do good and to build relationships, especially with our children.
“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”