Letting Go, Little by Little: The Power of Gradual Independence
Letting go isn’t easy, but little by little, it can be one of the most empowering things we do as parents. Building independence is a journey for both parent and child, helping grow confidence, resilience, and self-belief along the way. Read on to explore practical ways to encourage independence gradually with Gail Smith.
As parents, our natural instinct is to protect, guide, and sometimes even hover or else do the tasks for the child. But one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the confidence to step out on their own, bit by bit. Slow and steady wins the race both for the child and the anxious parent. It is a learning process for both the child and parent.
Gradual independence isn’t about throwing them in the deep end. It’s about teaching them to swim with you nearby, cheering them on. It’s a process that builds resilience, confidence, and problem-solving skills that last a lifetime. It teaches them how to learn effectively. Great process for building self esteem and strengthening mental health.
Why It Matters
Children need to feel capable. When we do everything for them, they may grow dependent—or worse, afraid to try. But when we coach rather than control, they learn to trust themselves. We also start to feel comfortable in letting go the reins. We need to understand that this is better parenting than keeping the controls all the time.
Practical Ways to Start
Here are some age-appropriate ways to encourage independence:
For young children (3–7):
Let them choose their outfit (even if it’s socks with sandals), help pack their lunch, or water the plants. Give praise for effort, not perfection. At an early age start giving them independent opportunities.
For tweens (8–12):
Let them manage their homework schedule, ride their bike to a friend’s house, or cook a simple meal. Let them try, then learn from mistakes in a safe space where there is only encouragement.
For teens (13+):
Involve them in decision-making, budgeting, planning outings, or solving their own friendship issues. Offer support, but resist jumping in too quickly. With social media work with them in deciding on what is suitable for them to view and use.
Real-Life Example
Ella, age 10, wanted to walk the dog alone. Her parents first walked behind her at a distance. The next week, she went solo but carried a phone. Today, she walks the dog confidently every morning. One small step, huge growth.
The Catch?
Yes, it can be messy. There may be forgotten lunchboxes, missed buses, or burnt toast. But those hiccups are how children learn and how parents learn to let go (just a little). Affirm all their efforts even if they are unsuccessful. They need to see that you value their efforts to be independent.
Final Word
Think of gradual independence as giving your child a toolkit. The earlier they learn to use it, the more prepared they’ll be when life really begins to test them. It will become more automatic for them overtime to work on problem issues themselves. There is nothing more satisfying than solving problems yourself!
So start small. Watch them grow. And remember, your goal isn’t to hold on forever. It’s to cheer them on as they fly. It is also a known fact, ask any teacher that a child learns faster and with confidence when they expect to do things for themselves. Dependent children become too reliant on others to give them solutions.
“In teaching me independence of thought, they have given me the greatest gift an adult can give to a child besides love and they had given me that also.”
The Little Things That Matter Most: How Small Moments Shape Your Child’s World
As parents, we often feel pressured to do something grand to make a real difference. But the truth is, the small, everyday moments leave the deepest imprint. Here are some simple ways you can make a big impact in your child’s life, one little action at a time.
It’s easy to think we need to do something big to make a difference in our child’s life. But often, it’s the little things that mean the most. A small act of love or attention can stay in a child’s heart forever.
In the busyness of life, these tiny moments often go unnoticed. But to your child, they are powerful. They say: You matter. I see you. I’m here.
Here are a few simple ways to make a big impact:
Say Their Name with Love
Start the day with: “Good morning, Tom! I missed that smile!” It lifts their spirit and strengthens your bond. Using their name is a powerful way of connecting to a child.
Give Five Focused Minutes
Just five minutes of undivided attention. No phone, no chores, can make your child feel truly heard and valued. Ask, “What was your favourite part of today?” Give them good eye contact and avoid distractions.
Leave a Surprise Note
Pop a doodle in their lunchbox or write “You’re amazing!” on a sticky note. It’s a small surprise with a lasting effect. It adds a little extra joy to the day.
Share Laughter
Tell silly jokes, dance badly, and sing loudly in the car. Laughter is a shortcut to connection and joy. Watch silly, childish movies with them.
Notice the Good
Instead of only correcting, try: “I saw how gently you spoke to your sister. That was kind.” This helps build confidence and character. Give them lots of positive I statements.
End the Day with Kindness
Create a simple bedtime ritual: “What made you happy today?” A loving end to the day builds safety and trust. It settles your child who feels reminded that you love them.
It’s the Little Things, Done with Love
You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present. The small things done consistently build a strong, joyful, and secure foundation for your child. So keep going. Never underestimate the influence you have on your child in simple matters.
“If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.”
How to Help Your Child Keep Friends: Simple Tips for Parents
Friendships are a big part of growing up. They help kids feel happy, supported, and confident. But keeping friends takes effort, and it’s not always easy. With a little guidance from you, your child can learn how to build lasting friendships and navigate social ups and downs.
Friendships are one of the most important parts of childhood. They help kids feel happy, confident, and supported. But keeping friends isn’t always easy! As a parent, you can help your child build strong, lasting friendships with some simple but powerful steps.
1. Teach the Power of Listening
Encourage your child to really listen when friends talk. It shows they care and helps them understand what their friends are feeling. Practise listening at home, maybe during dinner, ask your child to tell you about their day, then listen without interrupting. The hard part is not to interrupt
2. Model Kindness and Respect
Kids learn a lot from watching you. Show kindness, say “please” and “thank you,” and handle conflicts calmly. When your child sees this, they’re more likely to treat their friends the same way. Children gravitate around calmer, less complicated children.
3. Encourage Sharing and Taking Turns
Playing fair and sharing toys or time helps friendships grow. Role-play sharing scenarios with your child, so they feel confident in real situations.
4. Help Your Child Express Their Feelings
Friends need to know how your child feels. Teach simple words for emotions like “happy,” “sad,” or “frustrated.” This helps kids communicate better and avoid misunderstandings.
5. Support Problem-Solving Skills
When friends disagree, it’s a chance to practice solving problems. Guide your child to find solutions like apologizing, compromising, or asking an adult for help if needed.
6. Create Opportunities to Socialize
Arrange playdates, encourage team sports, or join clubs. The more chances your child has to interact with peers, the easier it is to make and keep friends.
7. Respect Their Friendships
Sometimes kids choose friends who are different from what you expect. Listen and be open-minded, showing respect for their choices builds trust. It is their job to decipher the genuine friends from the not so genuine friends.
Final thought:
Friendships take effort, but with your support, your child can learn how to keep friends and enjoy happy, confident social connections that last. The more they mature, the better they become at choosing friendships wisely.
“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself”
Raising a Confident Child in Today’s Classroom: 5 Surprising Ways Parents Can Help
Confidence is a skill, not a trait and it grows with practice, praise, and patience. Every child develops it differently, and that’s okay. Explore the five simple ways to support your child’s confidence in today’s classroom.
Let’s face it: school can be a confidence minefield. Whether it’s answering a question in front of the class, navigating friendship drama, or simply speaking up when they need help, many children hold back, often because they don’t believe in themselves and they are just not socially sure of themselves.
As a parent, you’re in the perfect position to quietly build that belief. Confidence needs to be lived, practised, and grown like a muscle.
Here are 5 innovative, real-world ideas to help your child grow in confidence at school and beyond.
1. Let Your Child Be the Expert (at Home and in Public)
Why it works: When children teach something, they feel powerful and valued. Explaining ideas helps them process and internalize knowledge, and boosts their confidence to speak out in class.
Try this:
Ask your child to explain a concept they’re learning like fractions, life cycles, or even a new word and record a mini “teaching video” for a grandparent or cousin.
Out in the world? Ask them to order the food, check the train times, or explain a museum exhibit to you like they’re your tour guide.
The more they hear their own voice doing real life activities in a responsible way the more they grow sure of themselves.
2. Schedule One “Mini Risk” a Week
Why it works: Confidence comes from doing, especially things that feel a bit uncomfortable. Regular small challenges build resilience and trust in their own ability.
Try this:
Make a “Mini Risk Jar” with your child. Fill it with fun, doable dares:
Ask a new friend to play
Try a new club
Put your hand up once a day
Present a joke at dinner
Talk about any risks you have taken recently.
Celebrate attempts, not outcomes. Praise the trying, not the success. Comment on the effort made and how this is successful.
3. Ditch “Be Confident”. Say This Instead
Why it works: “Be confident” is vague. Kids need tools. Swapping language helps them link confidence to specific actions.
Try this:
Replace “Be confident” with:
“Speak like you’re helping someone understand”
“Stand like a superhero, feet planted, eyes up”
“Remember, your voice is a gift”
Real story: A dad told his son, “Stand like Spider-Man before he saves the day.” The next morning, the boy stood taller during show-and-tell and actually smiled.
4. Let Them Hear You Fail (and Bounce Back)
Why it works: Children often believe adults are always right, always perfect. When you model what it looks like to get something wrong and keep going, you give them permission to do the same. Be authentic and let them see the real you with warts and all.
Try this:
Talk aloud about your mistakes: “I totally messed up that email but here’s how I fixed it.”
Share how you felt, what you did next, and how you kept perspective.
“I told my son about how I froze during a meeting. He said, ‘That’s like when I forgot my line in the play!’ Suddenly, we were teammates.”
5. Confidence Grows in the Quiet, Too
Why it works: Not all confidence is loud. Some children shine by preparing quietly and leading gently. That’s not shyness, it’s strength.
Try this:
Create “backstage” confidence moments: help them prep for a class talk with cue cards or rehearse a social scenario with stuffed animals.
Praise thoughtful acts: “You noticed Ella was left out. That’s real leadership.”
Remind them: confidence isn’t always about being first, it’s about being ready.
Affirm those quiet moments when you notice behaviour that is helpful to others.
A Final Word
Confidence is not a personality trait—it’s a learnt skill. And like any skill, it grows best with practice, praise, and patience. Every child will be different in how they show confidence and for some it is a slow, steady progress. We need to be patient.
You don’t need to push your child to be the loudest, the fastest, or the most outgoing. You just need to show them they’re seen, heard, and capable, especially when they doubt it. Let them develop their voice in their own time.
Start small. Celebrate progress. And trust that each brave step they take, no matter how tiny, is shaping a stronger future.
Letting Go a Little: Why Gradual Independence Matters for Your Child’s Growth
Letting go a little doesn't mean stepping back; it means stepping alongside. Gail Smith shares how allowing our children to try, stumble, and learn with our support (not control) builds the confidence and independence they need to grow.
One of the hardest parts of parenting is knowing when to step back. We want to keep our children safe, happy, and successful, and sometimes that means we hold on too tightly and are frightened of them making mistakes. We need to start giving them gradual independence, little by little, day by day, even though some of this independence will mean making mistakes which can be upsetting.
We are not leaving them to figure things out alone. It means letting them try, stumble, learn, and succeed with our support, not our control. They learn to know we are there when really needed. If they think we are about control, they will step back and lose interest.
Why Does Gradual Independence Matter?
In today’s world, it can feel risky to let children do things on their own. However it is more risky not to enable your child to cope with the real world and to rely on others to solve problems. There’s pressure to protect them from failure, frustration, and even boredom. But the truth is:
✅ Children learn by doing, not by watching.
✅ Confidence comes from experience, not praise alone.
✅ Resilience is built through overcoming small challenges.
Gradually gaining independence awakens in the child a wonderful sense of personal satisfaction and confidence. It is quite liberating!
Real-Life Examples of Where It Matters
1. Getting Ready for School
It might be quicker (and tidier!) to pack their bag, zip their coat, and butter their toast. But every time we take over, we take away a learning opportunity.
💡 Instead:
Teach them how to check a simple morning list: bag packed, lunchbox in, coat on, shoes by the door. It’ll take patience at first, but it pays off fast, and they’ll feel proud doing it themselves.
2. Friendships and Play
If your child says, “He won’t play with me,” it’s tempting to jump in and fix it. But these small moments are chances to learn negotiation, sharing, and handling disappointment.
💡 Instead:
Ask questions like: “What could you try next time?” or “How do you think he felt?” Help them think through solutions but let them do the talking.
3. Homework and Learning
You want your child to succeed, so it’s natural to sit beside them and guide every step. But they need to learn how to think, not just how to get the answer. This may involve learning from mistakes.
💡 Instead:
Support them to plan their time, set up a quiet space, and check their own work. You’re building independence and responsibility. Homework is also the responsibility of the school and child, not the parent.
4. Problem Solving
From a forgotten jumper to a missed club, let children experience small consequences safely.
💡 Instead:
If they forget something, avoid racing to school with it. Next time, they’ll remember. These low stakes “failures” teach responsibility better than lectures ever could.
What Gets in the Way?
Fear of failure: We worry a mistake will hurt their confidence, but small stumbles teach big lessons.
Time pressure: Life is busy, and doing it ourselves is faster, but it delays learning.
Wanting to protect: We want to shield them from discomfort, but facing challenges with our support grows courage. Children want to feel in control.
How to Start Giving Gradual Independence
Think of it like riding a bike:
1. You hold the saddle.
2. You run beside them.
3. You let go... but stay nearby.
4. You cheer them on even if they wobble.
Every step tells them:
“You’re capable. I believe in you. I feel very happy when I see you showing independence.”
Final Thought: Independence Isn’t the End of Parenting, It’s Part of It
Gradual independence actually brings your child closer to you. It’s about walking beside them while they grow stronger legs. When we give children the space to try, we give them the chance to thrive, and they value the gradual freedom you give them.
So let go, just a little, and watch what they can do. See how creative and confident they become as they happily take charge of their own life.
A child's mind is a garden—nurture it with love, or weeds of doubt will grow.
As caring parents, we play a vital role in shaping our children’s mental well-being. In this blog, we are exploring the thoughts that reflect the difference we can make to building good mental health in our children.
Your care shapes their mental world. The below thoughts reflect the difference we make to building good mental health in our children.
Your presence today builds their strength for tomorrow. Show up now—secure their future resilience.
Silence breeds shadows—talk to your child before the darkness grows.
Speak up to stop emotional struggles.
Your words are the bricks that build their self-worth.
Every word moulds their confidence.
Neglect the mind, and the heart will follow—mental health is family health.
Mental wellness starts at home.
A child’s laughter today is their shield for tomorrow’s battles.
Joy builds lifelong emotional armour.
You hold the key to unlocking their inner strength.
Your support empowers their resilience.
A parent’s love is the first line of defence against the world.
Your care protects their mental well-being.
Being a caring parent, recognizes that your work involves building strong mental health in your child.
“Promise me you’ll always remember you’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
Parents can teach their children to make wiser choices.
As parents, you can teach your children to make wiser decisions. Follow these steps to guide them in learning how to pause, think, and consider the consequences of their actions, which will lead to wiser decision-making over time.
As your child matures they begin to develop reasoning and start to reflect on a deeper understanding of what life and decisions are all about. As a parent you can encourage behaviour that will lead to your child valuing wiser decisions.
Consider the following:
Encourage Thinking Ahead
Parent: “Before you make a decision, try to think about what might happen next. For example, if you choose to stay up late playing games, you might be too tired for school the next day. What do you think is the best choice?”
Lesson: Helps children develop foresight by considering the consequences of their actions.
Ask Questions, Don’t Just Give Answers
Parent: “What do you think will happen if you share your toy? How would you feel if someone did the same for you?”
Lesson: Teaches them to evaluate situations from different perspectives rather than just reacting impulsively.
Teach the Power of Pausing
Parent: “When you feel unsure or upset, it’s okay to pause for a moment before making a choice. Taking a deep breath can help you think more clearly.”
Lesson: Encourages emotional regulation and thoughtful decision-making, rather than acting on impulse.
Model Wise Decision-Making
Parent: “I was going to buy this thing, but then I realized we don’t really need it right now. I’ll wait until we save more money, and if we still want it then, I’ll get it.”
Lesson: Children learn from observing how their parents weigh options and make responsible choices.
Give Them Controlled Choices
Parent: “You can choose to do your homework now and have free time later, or you can play now and have less time for fun later. What do you think is the better choice?”
Lesson: Provides practice with decision-making and lets them experience the outcomes of their choices in a safe, controlled environment.
Discuss Past Decisions
Parent: “Remember when you didn’t wear a jacket last time and got cold? How will you choose differently today when it’s chilly?”
Lesson: Reflecting on past decisions helps children connect past experiences to better future choices.
Teach Problem-Solving Steps
Parent: “When you have to make a choice, try to follow these steps: 1) Identify the problem, 2) Think of possible solutions, 3) Consider what might happen with each solution, and 4) Make your choice.”
Lesson: Provides a framework for making informed decisions and builds confidence in their ability to think through problems.
Explain the Impact of Peer Pressure
Parent: “Sometimes friends might ask you to do something that doesn’t feel right. It’s okay to say no if you think it’s not a good choice for you.”
Lesson: Helps them understand the importance of staying true to their own values and making independent choices, even under pressure.
These examples help guide children in learning to pause, think, and consider the consequences of their actions, leading to wiser decision-making over time.
Teaching wisdom from an early age will lead your child to make and want decisions based on clear thinking and planned decision making. This will help them cope better with the rigours of adolescence, peer group pressure etc.
“Be a wise parent and teach your child the value of making wise decisions.”
Encourage your child to be different
Encouraging your child to be different not only nurtures their individuality but also fosters critical thinking. Gail Smith shares insightful reasons why empowering children to question the status quo leads to personal growth. By teaching them not to always accept things as they are, we invite healthy curiosity and a deeper understanding of the world around them.
Let your child be themselves as much as possible. We know that people who make a big difference in the world have their own unique ideas and do things their way.
Encourage your child to see that all their ideas are important and should be respected. Some may come to fruition over time.
Here are some sound reasons why encouraging your child to be different will benefit them in many ways and will invite them to not always accept things as they are. This invites healthy questioning of the world.
Fosters Authenticity and Self-Expression
Encouraging children to be different helps them stay true to who they are, without feeling pressured to fit in. This builds their confidence in expressing their thoughts, feelings, and ideas without fear of judgement.
Benefit: When children feel free to be themselves, they develop a strong sense of identity and self-worth.
Builds Resilience Against Peer Pressure
Children who are comfortable being different are less likely to succumb to peer pressure. They develop the courage to stand up for their values and make decisions based on their own beliefs rather than following the crowd.
Benefit: This resilience fosters independent thinking and reduces the likelihood of engaging in harmful behaviours.
Encourages Creativity and Innovation
Being different often means thinking outside the box and approaching problems in unique ways. Encouraging this mindset promotes creativity and innovation, which can be valuable skills throughout life.
Benefit: Children learn to embrace their originality, which can lead to greater success in problem-solving and creative pursuits.
Strengthens Confidence and Self-Esteem
When children are encouraged to be different, they gain confidence in their individuality. They learn that they don’t need to conform to others' expectations to be valued, which bolsters their self-esteem.
Benefit: High self-esteem helps children take risks, pursue passions, and feel secure in their own skin.
Teaches Acceptance of Others
By embracing their own differences, children also learn to accept and appreciate the uniqueness of others. This cultivates empathy and understanding, reducing prejudice and promoting positive social interactions.
Benefit: Children who value diversity are more open-minded and compassionate, making them better friends and more inclusive members of society.
Encouraging a child to be different nurtures their individuality and helps them navigate the world with confidence, creativity, and kindness.
You can help by being open to their ideas and affirming their thinking when they are on a creative bend.
Your example of being a parent who values difference in your own life will have an amazing impact on how they see themselves and the world.
“Decide to be whatever you decide to be and celebrate your difference.”
Teaching children about the value of making good choices
It’s important to encourage our children to recognize the difference and to understand that their choices can shape their lives in profound ways. Who they become is a reflection of the decisions they make. Gail Smith emphasizes the importance of empowering children to make their own choices, highlighting the positive impact it can have on their growth and development.
We can all choose to make choices that can either hinder or enlighten our lives. For example you can choose to have a go or you can choose to not have a go. We should encourage our children to learn the difference and to understand that when we make those choices they can affect our life in different ways.
Who we are is a result of the choices we make.
Consider the following ideas about the impact on a child when they make their own choices:
Promotes Responsibility: When children learn that their choices have consequences, they develop a sense of accountability. They understand that choosing to work hard or make responsible decisions directly impacts their success and happiness.
Builds Self-Confidence: Allowing children to make choices reinforces their belief in their own abilities. Whether they succeed or fail, knowing that they had the power to choose builds confidence in their decision-making skills.
Fosters Independence: By making their own decisions, children learn to rely on themselves instead of always seeking approval or guidance from others. This fosters independence and helps them navigate life with more confidence.
Develops Critical Thinking: When children are taught to weigh the pros and cons of their choices, they develop critical thinking skills. They learn how to assess situations, predict outcomes, and make thoughtful decisions rather than impulsive ones.
Supports Emotional Growth: Understanding that they have control over their actions and thoughts (e.g. choosing to think positively) helps children manage their emotions. They learn that their choices can influence how they feel and respond to situations, which is key to emotional resilience.
These lessons empower children to shape their lives with intention and self-awareness. Don’t forget to affirm them when you see positive outcomes from choices they make themselves.
“The more a child experiences positive outcomes from making good choices, the more insight they develop about themselves.”
What you say to your child sticks.
Here are some of the most powerful phrases you can say to your children, no matter their age. Repeating these words often shows your unwavering love and support as they grow. Whether your child is a toddler or a teen, these statements can help build their confidence and emotional strength. Make them a regular part of your conversations to reinforce your commitment to their well-being.
As your child grows, how wonderful it would be if they just knew how you valued them and how consistently you talked about matters that mattered to them. The statements below are powerful suggestions of words that can be repeated time and time again over the years. It doesn't matter if children are three years of age or late teenagers. These statements are powerful tools in driving the right message into them. Consider building them into your repertoire.
"I believe in you, no matter what."
Impact: This statement reinforces your unwavering faith in your child's abilities and character, helping them feel confident and supported even during challenging times.
"You are loved just the way you are."
Impact: Letting your child know that they are loved unconditionally helps them feel secure and accepted, fostering a strong sense of self-worth.
"I’m proud of you for being who you are."
Impact: This acknowledgement celebrates your child’s individuality and encourages them to embrace their unique qualities with pride.
"Your feelings matter to me."
Impact: By affirming the importance of their emotions, you validate your child’s experiences and teach them that their thoughts and feelings are valuable.
"You have the strength to overcome any challenge."
Impact: Empowering your child with this belief helps them develop resilience and the confidence to face obstacles with determination.
These statements repeated throughout your child’s life send a very clear message of your unwavering love and support as they grow into well-developed young adults. Repeat them often for a strong effect.
“Use words well around children. They listen with sharp ears.”
Be Present for your child. It supports their mental Health
Being present for your child is one of the most impactful things you can do as a parent. It’s not about grand gestures or extravagant outings; it’s the simple, healthy, and regular engagement that truly nourishes your child's spirit and sense of well-being. Gail Smith emphasizes that these consistent interactions are crucial for your child's mental health. Read on to find out why.
Being present for your child is one of the most impactful things you can do as a parent.
Here are five outstanding reasons why your presence is crucial, particularly for your child’s mental health:
Emotional Security and Trust
When parents are consistently present, children feel secure knowing that they have a reliable support system. This sense of security forms the foundation for trust, which is essential for healthy emotional development.
Mental Health Impact: A secure attachment with parents reduces anxiety and stress, fostering resilience and emotional stability.
Building Self-Esteem
Parental presence, through active engagement and positive reinforcement, helps children develop a strong sense of self-worth. They feel valued when their parents show interest in their thoughts, feelings, and activities.
Mental Health Impact: High self-esteem is closely linked to lower rates of depression and anxiety. Children who feel good about themselves are more likely to take on challenges and develop healthy social relationships.
Role Modelling Positive Behaviour
Children learn by observing their parents. When parents are present, they can model positive behaviours such as empathy, patience, and problem-solving skills, which children are likely to emulate.
Mental Health Impact: Positive role modelling helps children develop healthy coping mechanisms and social skills, reducing the likelihood of developing mental health issues related to poor interpersonal relationships.
Supporting Emotional Expression
Being present allows parents to create a safe space for their children to express their emotions. When children know they can share their feelings without judgement, they learn to process emotions in a healthy way.
Mental Health Impact: This open communication reduces the risk of emotional repression, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges later in life.
Enhancing Cognitive Development
Active involvement in your child’s learning and development—through play, reading, or helping with homework—stimulates their cognitive growth. It also encourages a love for learning and curiosity.
Mental Health Impact: Cognitive stimulation and a positive learning environment reduce stress and anxiety related to school and social pressures. This, in turn, promotes a healthier mental state and a more positive outlook on life.
You can be present with your child in many and varied ways. It does not require perfection but simple healthy, regular engagement with your child nourishes their spirit and sense of well being.
“Enjoy the moments with your child. They become hours, days and fruitful years.”
Encouraging your child to write well
Some children struggle with writing, finding it difficult to start and continue their stories. Parents can help by providing engaging activities that spark motivation. Gail Smith offers suggestions to show children the power of the written word. Read on to discover more on how to encourage your child's writing journey!
Some children find writing a difficult task. They seem to feel blocked and struggle to start stories and certainly struggle to continue with them. Parents can help by providing some stimulating activities for their child to do that are not difficult but can motivate a child to write.
Consider:
Encourage Daily Journaling: Suggest that your child keep a daily journal. Writing about their day, feelings, or even imaginary stories can help them practise and improve their writing skills regularly.
Read Together Regularly: Expose your child to a variety of writing styles by reading together. Discuss the books, focusing on how different authors use language, structure their stories, and create vivid descriptions.
Use Writing Prompts: Provide fun and engaging writing prompts to spark their creativity. Prompts like "Imagine you have a superpower for a day. What would you do?" can make writing exciting and less of a chore.
Play Word Games: Engage in word games like Scrabble or Boggle. These games can expand vocabulary and improve language skills in a playful and interactive way.
Incorporate Technology: Use writing apps and websites designed for kids. Programs like Grammar for Kids or fun writing games online can make writing more engaging and educational. Talk to your child’s teacher about what they would recommend.
Write Letters: Encourage your child to write letters to family members, friends, or even pen pals. Writing letters can be a fun way to practise different writing and communication styles.
Create a Family Newspaper: Start a family newspaper where everyone contributes articles, stories, or comics. This can be a collaborative project that makes writing a shared and enjoyable activity.
Provide Constructive Feedback: When reviewing your child’s writing, offer positive feedback along with gentle suggestions for improvement. Focus on specific aspects, like adding more descriptive words or varying sentence structure.
Use Visual Aids: Encourage your child to create storyboards or mind maps before writing. Visual planning can help them organise their thoughts and improve the overall structure of their writing.
Set a Writing Example: Share your own writing with your child. Show them drafts, edits, and final versions to demonstrate the writing process and the importance of revision and improvement.
Start A Sentence: Make it a game. You start a sentence, and they finish it. “Yesterday I found an interesting rock. It was……”
Play with Reading Books: When you are reading a book occasionally stop. Let them see that the written word has power and invite your child to change the story. Perhaps they could suggest a different ending.
Have plenty of books and magazines around the house and occasionally read little segments from them out loud. A child's imagination will be enlivened when they begin to talk about their passions and interests. When they start to be motivated about something, encourage them to write about it. Let them see that the written word has power.
“When we write, we feel, see and hear the words.’
-Gail J Smith
It is important to speak well to your children
Children quickly pick up on what you say and how you say it, understanding the value you place on them. Gail Smith highlights six compelling reasons why speaking positively to children is crucial and the potential harm caused when we don’t. This insightful blog post sheds light on the importance of nurturing communication.
Speaking well to children is a language all its own. Children register very quickly from what you say and how you say it, what kind of value you place in them.
Here are six sound reasons why speaking well to children is important and it also highlights damage that can be caused if we do not speak well.
Building Self-Esteem
When children hear positive words and encouragement, they feel valued and loved. This helps them develop a healthy sense of self-worth.
However, harsh words can make children doubt their abilities and feel unimportant, leading to low self-esteem.
Fostering Emotional Security
Kind and understanding words create a safe emotional environment. Children feel secure knowing they can express themselves without fear of judgement. However, negative communication can make children anxious or fearful, feeling like they must always be on guard.
Encouraging Positive Behaviour
Praise and positive reinforcement motivate children to repeat good behaviour and make better choices. However, constant criticism can lead to rebellion or a lack of motivation to try their best.
Developing Language Skills
Hearing rich and positive language helps children expand their vocabulary and communication skills, crucial for their overall development. However, exposure to negative or limited language can hinder their ability to express themselves effectively.
Modelling Respectful Communication
Children learn by observing. Speaking well to them teaches them how to communicate respectfully with others. However, if children hear harsh or disrespectful language, they might imitate this behaviour in their interactions.
Strengthening Parent-Child Bond
Positive communication fosters a strong, trusting relationship between parents and children, which is the foundation for a healthy family dynamic. However, negative interactions can create distance and weaken the parent-child bond, making it harder for children to confide in their parents.
When a child feels confident to talk to you about important matters and when they are relaxed in how they communicate with you, this is a sign that you are speaking well to your child. All they want is to feel safe through your dialogue and welcomed in your conversations.
“Speak well to your child and they will speak well back.”
Keep A Look Out For Signs Of Stress In Your Child
In today's world, we often check in on our children's mental health. Social media and other challenges faced by youth remind us to stay vigilant. Gail Smith points out some common triggers that may indicate your child is under too much stress. By recognizing these signs, you can better gauge your child's well-being and offer support when needed. It's important to keep an eye out for these cues to ensure your child feels safe and supported.
We live in a world where we intermittently check in on our children's mental health. The pressures through social media and other youth-driven challenges alert us to the need to be vigilant. Below are some known triggers that can be a sign of unacceptable stress in your child. Some stress is normal, and we live with it, finding ways to work it through our life. However, when stress is out of control, we need to intervene. Occasionally tap into your child's well-being index by checking in to these signs:
Changes in Sleep Patterns
Difficulty falling or staying asleep or frequent nightmares can indicate stress. Conversely, a child may sleep excessively to escape stressful feelings.
Behavioural Changes
Increased irritability, mood swings, or withdrawal from family and friends can be signs of stress. A usually outgoing child becoming withdrawn or a calm child suddenly acting out can be indicators.
Physical Symptoms
Complaints of headaches, stomachaches, or other unexplained physical symptoms can manifest as stress. These symptoms often occur without a medical cause and can be recurring.
Academic Performance
A sudden drop in grades, lack of interest in school, or difficulty concentrating on schoolwork can be signs of stress. Stress can impact cognitive functions and overall academic engagement. Always check first with the teacher.
Changes in Eating Habits
Noticeable changes in appetite, such as eating much more or much less than usual, can be a response to stress. This includes skipping meals or binge eating.
Regression to Earlier Behaviours
Reverting to behaviours typical of a younger age, such as bed wetting, clinginess, or thumb-sucking, can indicate that a child is experiencing stress and is seeking comfort.
Frequent Crying
A child who cries easily or often without a clear reason may be experiencing stress. This can be a way for them to release pent-up emotions.
Avoidance Behaviours
A child might try to avoid certain situations or activities that they previously enjoyed, or that are typical for their age group. This could include avoiding school, social events, or specific tasks.
Increased Dependency
A stressed child may become more clingy or dependent on their parents or caregivers, seeking constant reassurance and comfort.
Excessive Worrying or Fearfulness
Persistent worry about various aspects of their life, including school, family, or friends, can be a sign of stress. This might manifest as asking repetitive questions about upcoming events or expressing fears that seem disproportionate to the situation.
When you build a relationship that is open and honest with your child, you will find that your child is more willing to talk to you about their feelings of stress. The above thoughts are just a guiding tool to raise your awareness of symptoms of unacceptable stress that may appear in your child from time to time.
The stress your child feels will be lightened by your ever loving and understanding presence. -Gail J Smith
The importance of your child attending school regularly
Ensuring your child is keen and interested in school is vital. When they feel it's important to attend, you can be reassured they are engaged with their school environment. Gail Smith shares five essential reasons why regular attendance is crucial for a well-adjusted child at school. Discover these insights to support your child's educational journey.
Once a child gets out of the pattern of attending school regularly various issues can develop which further exacerbates their interest in attending. We need our children to be keen and interested in school. When they feel that it is important for them to attend you can feel reassured that they are engaged with the school environment.
Here are five reasons why regular attendance is so necessary for a well adjusted child at school:
Academic Achievement:
• Consistent attendance ensures students don't miss important lessons and activities, leading to better understanding of the material and higher academic performance. The child who misses important lessons soon feels they are not a success. They feel that others are smarter than them. This can lead to disengagement from their work.
Skill Development:
• Regular attendance helps students develop essential skills such as time management, responsibility, and discipline, which are crucial for future success. A child needs and responds to the setting of boundaries and being in routines.
Social Interaction:
• Attending school regularly allows children to build and maintain friendships, improving their social skills and providing emotional support through peer interactions. Regular friendship contact gives a child reassurance and they feel socially satisfied.
Access to Resources:
• Regular attendance provides students with access to school resources like libraries, labs, and extracurricular activities, enhancing their learning experience and personal growth.
Preparation for the Future:
• Consistent school attendance establishes a routine and work ethic that prepares students for future education and employment, instilling a sense of commitment and reliability. When they lose this momentum they can feel lost and quite disconnected from their peers.
It does require effort on the part of the family but each morning is important in getting everyone up in time to face the day.
“When your child is fully engaged at school, they seldom become anxious about getting ready to leave in the morning.”
Let’s remind ourselves that as parents we are doing a great job
Your words, deeds, and actions are powerful examples for your child, shaping their understanding of life. Never underestimate the impact you're having on your child. Parenting in an imperfect world comes with its ups and downs, and it can sometimes feel like your efforts aren't making a difference. Gail Smith shares some reflections to remind us that our efforts are making a difference, even if the impact isn't always visible.
Never underestimate the great work you are doing with your child. We live in a very imperfect world and parenting comes with its ups and downs. Sometimes we find that efforts we are making are having an impact on our child. Sometimes we feel a failure in that our child’s understanding and interest in their parents diminishes.
Here are some reflections to remind us all that our efforts are not in vain and that you will be currently making a difference for your child in many ways, some seen but many unseen.
Consider:
Your love and guidance are the foundations upon which your child's future is built. Every hug and every moment you spend together shapes who they become. None of your efforts are ever lost.
You are your child's first and most important teacher. The lessons you impart, through both words and actions, will resonate with them throughout their lives.
Your support and belief in your child's potential can turn their dreams into reality. Your encouragement is a powerful force that fuels their confidence and ambition. They heavily rely on it.
The warmth and security you provide create a safe space for your child to explore the world. Your presence gives them the courage to take risks and learn from their experiences.
Every moment you spend with your child, no matter how small, leaves a lasting impression. Your time and attention are priceless gifts that they will cherish forever.
Your positivism and resilience in the face of challenges teach your child how to navigate life's ups and downs. They will observe carefully how you navigate your way through life’s challenges.
The values and principles you instill in your child will guide them long after they leave your home.
Your influence shapes their character and their approach to life. They may vary somewhat from your values but you will influence their big decisions and life’s choices by your modelling.
Your love is the constant in your child's life, a beacon that guides them through their formative years. This unconditional support helps them grow into happy, confident individuals believing in themselves.
By simply being present and involved, you are making a profound difference in your child's life.
Your engagement and involvement are keys to their success and well-being. They need and want your presence and your approval.
Every time you listen, every time you show empathy, you teach your child the importance of understanding and compassion. These lessons in kindness will ripple through their interactions with others. They will prefer to operate in that way.
Your belief in your child's abilities can inspire them to reach for the stars. When they see you believe in them, they start to believe in themselves too.
The love and joy you share as a family create memories that your child will carry with them for a lifetime. This is all about developing emotional intelligence.
Your actions, words and deeds are the blueprint your child uses to navigate the world. The positive example you set today will guide their decisions tomorrow.
Your patience and understanding during tough times show your child that they are loved unconditionally. This reassurance builds their resilience and self-worth."
“At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child’s success is the positive involvement of parents.”
What brings joy to you and your child?
The more we share joy with our children, the deeper and richer connection we make with them. Sharing joy triggers a host of significant physiological and psychological changes that improve our physical and mental health. Gail Smith shares some examples of what brings joy to your child.
It doesn’t take much for a child to feel joy. We can always help them feel that joy by our own actions. The more we share that joy the deeper and richer connection we make with our child. It also makes us very happy. It triggers a host of significant physiological and psychological changes that improves our physical and mental health.
Here are some examples of what brings joy to your child. Embrace it!
Seeing Your Child Laugh and Play Is Pure Joy
Watching your child burst into giggles while playing with their favourite toy or sharing a fun moment with friends at the park. Laugh with them. Feel the muscles move in your chest and enjoy the moment together.
Their Smile Brightens Up Your Day
When your child greets you with a big, toothy grin after school, or when they proudly show you a drawing they made. Notice how enlivening is their smile and how it makes you feel so much better.
Hearing Their Stories and Ideas Fills Your Heart with Joy
When your child excitedly tells you about their day at school, recounts a funny story, or shares their imaginative ideas for a new adventure.
Listen to what they have to say. There is so much joy in the way they express themselves and how they see the world.
Celebrating Milestones and Achievements Is a Source of Happiness
Witnessing your child take their first steps, reading their first book, or seeing them receive a certificate for a school accomplishment. With each milestone you know that your child is well on the way to being an independent individual. That should bring a smile to your face.
Quality Time Together Creates Special Memories and Joy
Enjoying a family game night, going on a nature hike, or having a cosy movie night complete with popcorn and snuggles. Find those special moments as a family. They don’t have to be large or complex. Make them spontaneous occasions where you can be together without any outside pressure. Build it into your week. Make it a family ritual that you get together and have some form of quality time.
Supporting Their Passions and Interests Brings Joy to Both of You
Encouraging your child's love for art by setting up a mini art studio at home or helping them explore their interest in science with exciting experiments.
Indulging your child’s passions will bring extreme pleasure and joy to your child. They will learn so much as they are keen to participate. Join them and learn from their excitement and joy. Its amazing how passions can become a life habit.
Our world is so much richer and calmer when there is a strong presence of joy in the world. Children are natural ‘joists’. They find joy in the simplest and least complicated aspects of life.
If you decide to join them you will lighten your world and build happy bridges with your child.
‘Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls”
- Mother Theresa
Build self confidence in your child. You can make a big difference.
Empowering your child with self-confidence is like giving them the keys to steer their own life's journey. Dive into Gail Smith’s tips for fun and effective ways to nurture and boost your child’s belief in themselves.
Never underestimate the difference you can make for your child’s self confidence. Your child trusts your judgement and above all believes in you as their mentor and life support. They take what you say very seriously and need your reassurance. Here are some examples of how to keep up the important role of boosting their self confidence.
Encourage your child to celebrate their achievements, no matter how small. Whether it's mastering a new skill, completing a task independently, or showing kindness to others, take the time to celebrate their successes.
Provide specific and genuine praise for your child's efforts and accomplishments. Instead of just saying "good job," highlight what they did well and why it matters. They need to understand why they are receiving the praise, so label it.
Teach your child to use positive self-talk by affirming their strengths and abilities. Tell them how you like to hear them talk about their achievements out loud.
Help your child set realistic goals that they can work towards. Break larger goals into smaller steps and celebrate each milestone. This helps build a sense of accomplishment and confidence. Also they need to receive regular reassurance especially younger children.
Encourage your child to take healthy risks and step out of their comfort zone. Whether it's trying a new activity, speaking up in class, or making new friends. Teach them that making mistakes is part of life.
Give your child opportunities to make decisions and choices independently. Whether it's choosing what to wear, what to eat for snack, or what game to play, they will be more personally satisfied and more engaged in activities etc. if they take responsibility.
Teach your child resilience by helping them bounce back from setbacks and failures. Encourage them to learn from mistakes, problem-solve, and persevere in the face of challenges. Talk about how you do this in your life.
Be a positive role model for self-confidence by demonstrating confidence in yourself. Show your child how to handle challenges and how to embrace your strengths and weaknesses. Be authentic when you talk about yourself and all your foibles.
Above all, provide your child with unconditional love, acceptance, and support. Let them know that you believe in them, no matter what, and that you are always there to help them succeed.
You love them for who they are and in all circumstances.
Building self confidence in your child is all about teaching them that they can confidently be in charge of their own lives as time progresses. Here we are building emotional intelligence.
“Confident, happy children feel good about themselves and achieve well. It’s natural.”
The importance of helping your child develop a positive body image
In today's world, our children can face many challenges when it comes to body image. It's important to help them develop a positive view of themselves. Gail Smith explains why this is so crucial and offers tips on how you can support your child in this process.
As parents we can be very helpful in our children’s formation years, encouraging them to love themselves and to appreciate how they look and feel about themselves. There are many challenges in today’s world with body image and our children can be exposed to some very unhealthy misconceptions. In their vulnerable years, they can be easily influenced and our role as parents is to offer a nurturing, gentle introduction to developing in themselves, a positive body image, where self-love takes a focus.
Consider the following suggestions:
Model positive body image and self-confidence in your own attitudes and
behaviours. Avoid making negative comments about your own body. Talk about
how you work on building a healthy body. Show them that you are very
comfortable in your skin.
Teach your child to use positive self-talk and affirmations to promote self-
acceptance and confidence. Encourage them to focus on their strengths, rather
than comparing themselves to others. Talk openly about feeling good about
yourself is so important.
Shift the focus from appearance to health by emphasizing the importance of
nourishing their bodies with nutritious foods, getting regular exercise, and
getting enough rest. Encourage them to listen to their body's cues and prioritise
self-care. Present images of healthy looking people and keep away from the body
beautiful image.
Talk to your child about the unrealistic beauty standards portrayed in media and
how they can distort perceptions of body image. Help them develop critical
thinking skills to question media messages. Beauty comes in many forms is an
important message.
Celebrate diversity and teach your child to appreciate the beauty of different body types, ethnicity, and cultures. Talk about differences and how healthy it is that we have variations in our body shapes and attitudes to others.
Encourage your child to engage in activities that make them feel good about
themselves and their bodies, such as sports, dance, art, or hobbies. Focus on the
joy of movement and the sense of accomplishment rather than appearance or
performance. Keep an eye on how they dress and affirm responsible dress ware.
Create a supportive and inclusive environment at home where your child feels
accepted and valued for who they are. Encourage open communication and
provide reassurance and encouragement when they express insecurities. Make
your home a comfortable inclusive space for everyone in all shapes and sizes.
Emphasise the importance of inner qualities such as kindness, compassion,
intelligence, and creativity over external appearance. Help your child develop a
strong sense of self-worth based on their character and values rather than
superficial attributes. It is not what we look like it is alley about what is inside.
Limit exposure to media that promotes unrealistic beauty standards or negative
body image messages. Encourage your child to follow positive role models and
influences who promote self-love, body positivism, and exclusivity. Leave
healthy journals and magazines around the house promoting good health and
hygiene.
If you notice signs of body image issues or low self-esteem in your child, seek
professional help from a therapist or counsellor who specialises in body image
and self-esteem issues. Monitor your child’s changing attitudes to themselves
especially when they enter teenage years.
Take care to have no negative talk about body images that you see on television, social media etc. Be a safe house where you understand that people are basically different and that’s OK!
“Dear Body,
You were never a problem. There is nothing wrong with your size.... You’re good enough already.”
Build resilience in your child
Encourage your children to explore the world at their own pace, building resilience and happiness along the way. Read on to explore the strategies by Gail Smith, to help your child become more resilient!
As parents, from the very beginning, we see ourselves as the primary nurturer. We should also be seeing ourselves as the primary builder of resilience in our children. We want them to be strong, independent people, who can cope in life, without relying too heavily on us the parents. Sometimes, because we become cautious and anxious to ensure that our children are coping well, we forget about our role to strengthen their resilience and give them the skills they need to survive outside of the family cave.
Consider the following:
Teach children how to identify problems, brainstorm solutions and take action to address challenges.
Encourage them to think creatively and persistently seek solutions, even when faced with setbacks. Let them see that failure is part of life.
Help children develop a growth mindset by emphasizing the power of positive thinking and seeing challenges as opportunities for growth. Encourage them to focus on their strengths. See life as an opportunity and stay focused on solving problems not being overcome by them.
Create a supportive and nurturing environment where children feel comfortable expressing their emotions openly and seeking support when needed. Offer empathy and encouragement. Let them see how possible it is for them to work through a successful process.
Equip children with effective coping skills to manage stress, such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness practices, and relaxation techniques. Encourage them to develop healthy outlets for expressing emotions, such as writing in diaries, art, or physical activity.
Foster independence in children by encouraging them to take on age-appropriate
responsibilities. Allow them to experience natural consequences and learn from their mistakes in a supportive environment.
Cultivate strong, supportive relationships with family members, friends, and other trusted adults who can serve as positive role models.. Your child needs all the positive help they can get.
Expose children to stories of resilience through books, movies, and real-life examples. Highlight individuals who have overcome adversity and achieved success . Talk about them and especially their qualities.
Focus on effort rather than outcomes and celebrate children's achievements, big and small. Praise their hard work, resilience, and perseverance. Celebrating the process not so much the results of the outcomes.
Create a sense of belonging within the family and community by involving children in meaningful activities, traditions, and rituals. There are many charitable organizations with which they can engage themselves.
Be a positive role model for resilience by demonstrating healthy coping strategies, and positive problem-solving skills. Show children that setbacks and failures are opportunities for growth and learning.
When you are around your child be an optimistic person. Let them see that life is a hopeful experience. Moody environments can breed anxiety.
Be prepared to nurture independence in your child as this will be a major hallmark of strength for your child. Let them slowly engage with the world by themselves as this will gradually build strong resilience leading to a happier individual.
“Encouraging independence and building resilience in your child is a life saver”