Keep A Look Out For Signs Of Stress In Your Child

We live in a world where we intermittently check in on our children's mental health. The pressures through social media and other youth-driven challenges alert us to the need to be vigilant. Below are some known triggers that can be a sign of unacceptable stress in your child. Some stress is normal, and we live with it, finding ways to work it through our life. However, when stress is out of control, we need to intervene.  Occasionally tap into your child's well-being index by checking in to these signs:

Changes in Sleep Patterns

Difficulty falling or staying asleep or frequent nightmares can indicate stress. Conversely, a child may sleep excessively to escape stressful feelings.

Behavioural Changes

Increased irritability, mood swings, or withdrawal from family and friends can be signs of stress. A usually outgoing child becoming withdrawn or a calm child suddenly acting out can be indicators.

Physical Symptoms

 Complaints of headaches, stomachaches, or other unexplained physical symptoms can manifest as stress. These symptoms often occur without a medical cause and can be recurring.

Academic Performance

 A sudden drop in grades, lack of interest in school, or difficulty concentrating on schoolwork can be signs of stress. Stress can impact cognitive functions and overall academic engagement. Always check first with the teacher.

Changes in Eating Habits

Noticeable changes in appetite, such as eating much more or much less than usual, can be a response to stress. This includes skipping meals or binge eating.

Regression to Earlier Behaviours

 Reverting to behaviours typical of a younger age, such as bed wetting, clinginess, or thumb-sucking, can indicate that a child is experiencing stress and is seeking comfort.

 Frequent Crying

A child who cries easily or often without a clear reason may be experiencing stress. This can be a way for them to release pent-up emotions.

Avoidance Behaviours

 A child might try to avoid certain situations or activities that they previously enjoyed, or that are typical for their age group. This could include avoiding school, social events, or specific tasks.

Increased Dependency

 A stressed child may become more clingy or dependent on their parents or caregivers, seeking constant reassurance and comfort.

Excessive Worrying or Fearfulness

Persistent worry about various aspects of their life, including school, family, or friends, can be a sign of stress. This might manifest as asking repetitive questions about upcoming events or expressing fears that seem disproportionate to the situation.

When you build a relationship that is open and honest with your child, you will find that your child is more willing to talk to you about their feelings of stress. The above thoughts are just a guiding tool to raise your awareness of symptoms of unacceptable stress that may appear in your child from time to time.

 The stress your child feels will be lightened by your ever loving and understanding presence.  -Gail J Smith

Helping your child with bullying matters

This a topic that can be very real for your child. Being in a school setting sets your child up to being exposed to many and varied situations. As a parent, it is best to notice changes in your child that may indicate being unsettled at school. The following ideas talk about how you can offer some preventative measures to avoid bullying. They will strengthen your child, enabling them to have more confidence when confronting a bullying situation.

1. Open Communication Channels:

   Example: Create a safe and judgment-free space for your child to talk about their day and feelings. Ask open-ended questions like, "How was school today?" to encourage conversation. Don’t be surprised when they start talking about a difficult conversation.

2. Teach Empathy and Kindness:

   Example: Model empathy and kindness at home and discuss the importance of treating others with respect. Share stories about acts of kindness or volunteer together as a family. Affirm effort of kindness when you see your children

3. Recognize Signs of Bullying:

   Example: Be aware of behavioural changes in your child, such as mood swings, withdrawal, or a sudden loss of interest in school. Keep an eye out for unexplained injuries or damaged belongings.

4. Educate Your Child About Bullying:

   Example: Talk to your child about what bullying is, its different forms (verbal, physical, cyberbullying), and why it's wrong. Encourage them to report any incidents to a trusted adult. Particularly their teacher.

5. Boost Self-Esteem and Resilience:

   Example: Praise your child's strengths and accomplishments. Help them develop self-confidence and resilience by involving them in activities where they can excel and gain a sense of achievement.

6. Empower Your Child with Strategies:

   Example: Teach your child strategies to handle bullying, such as assertive communication, seeking help from teachers or school counsellors, and the importance of having a support system of friends.

7. Be well connected to the school:

   Example: Always speak regularly to your child’s teacher to gauge how socially well your child is coping. Often the teacher will pick up issues before you will notice a change in your child. Also the school will often run information nights on managing bullying issues.

Finally, every child, from time to time, will be challenged socially. Sometimes they can manage it, and other times we need to be able to offer some advice and assistance. Just remember that you are not about taking over the problem but assisting them in putting it right. Most importantly, it is to be a great listener and a parent who understands how to walk with them when working through these issues. They will thank you in later years for your strong presence.

‘Every child has the right to feel and be safe. As a parent make it happen’.

-Gail J Smith

Children: Dealing with traumatic war news stories

It is easy to understand how our children can become anxious when they see and hear about the atrocities that are going on in Gaza at the moment. They can easily feel distress and confusion and have a sense of hopelessness when they see some of the graphic scenes of people and children suffering. We know that the media will be drawn to those emotionally charged scenes that are upsetting to all of us. As adults, we process these scenes in our own way, but for a child, such scenes can be quite disturbing and frightening. The memory can last for a long time. It takes the child away from what they understand is safe and guaranteed in their life experiences.

Here are some suggestions on how to control your child’s exposure to such trauma. If your child talks about the war, it is important to have a conversation explaining the situation in a caring way. You would make this conversation age-appropriate and talk about it in a comfortable undistracted environment. Also, reassure them that their world is safe and check in from time to time to ensure that they understood what you had to tell them. After all, they will hear from others, especially their peers, about the situation.

Limit Exposure to News and Images

Control the amount of media exposure your children have. Constantly watching distressing news can heighten anxiety. Consider limiting their exposure to a specific time window or providing age-appropriate summaries yourself to avoid overwhelming content.

Monitor and Filter Content

Stay informed about the news your children consume. Be selective about which sources or channels they access. Opt for child-friendly or filtered news outlets that present information in a less alarming way. Have a strong presence when they are watching television. Perhaps locate the television in a prominent section of the home.

Provide Reassurance and Open Discussion

Encourage open discussions. Explain events in an age-appropriate manner, providing reassurance and emphasizing that they are safe. Answer their questions honestly but with a focus on hope and resilience. They will look to you for a guarantee of their safety when they see or hear disturbing news.

Offer Alternative Activities

Engage in activities that redirect their focus away from distressing news. Encourage hobbies, play, or family activities to create a positive atmosphere and reduce stress levels.

Model Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Children learn from observing their parents. Model healthy coping mechanisms such as taking breaks from news, practising relaxation techniques, or engaging in physical activities. Show how you manage your stress to provide them with coping strategies.

Create Safe Spaces

Designate safe spaces or routines that offer comfort and security. This could be a cosy reading corner, family game nights, or any activity that helps your child feel safe and grounded despite external events. The home for them should be their sanctuary. They will certainly be distressed when they see children from Gaza without that sense of safety.

What is your child’s school doing about it

Schools have policies on how they deal with such matters as global issues and trauma. Check-in with your child’s teacher to see how they talk about the war in the classroom and get some tips to support your discussions at home. You both need to be on the same page here.

Newspapers at home

If they are often lying loosely around the house take care to have them away from your child’s sight if they have graphic images and words about the war.

Finally, these thoughts are all about ensuring that your child has a balanced understanding of the situation for their age. With their growing knowledge of the broader world will come some more emotional maturity. You can ease them into talking about what has happened and discussing the broader philosophical viewpoint on war. It’s all in your responsible hands.

‘Your child will listen very carefully to what you say. So be aware of what you say and how you say it.’ -Gail J Smith

Is bullying an issue for your child?

Sadly, this is an area that we are dealing with across all schools. From time-to-time, schools develop great policies that seem to work to protect the victim and to change the behaviour of the offender. However, they can break down and once a child feels the pressure of repeated bullying, it can become quite a consuming and damaging part of their life. In many cases it is not forgotten.

Of course, there is the argument that we need to toughen our children to the real world. I would agree with this, except bullying has an incredibly damaging impact on a child’s wellbeing, which can be lasting and have major impact on a child’s sense of self-worth. A child’s school performance will drop quickly if they lose their sense of personal confidence.

Here are a few ideas to keep you focused on the issue of bullying:

• When chatting with your child, listen to any statements being made about feeling less interested in school. Of course, there are obvious signs such as bruising etc. but sometimes a child wants to simply not attend school because of the passive aggressive pressure being placed on them. Gently ask questions to establish why they have lost interest in school.

• If you suspect some bullying, take care not to be too direct in questioning. That can sometimes scare them off. Also, they fear that your interference can make it worse. This is a big issue with children not disclosing bullying, if they think their parents will intervene and overreact.

‘You seem unhappy with school now. I wonder what makes you feels so sad?’ Ask gentle, general questions.

• A child needs to feel that when they tell you about it, you are really listening and not just treating it lightly. When a child is bullied, they need reassurance and faith that their parents will take it seriously.

• Of course, overreacting and wanting to solve the problem by approaching the bully yourself is not the answer. If your child thinks that you will deal with it that way, they are more inclined not to tell you. Take care not to be the person who solves the problem on your own. That behaviour does not make for a better parent.

• Listen carefully and get an accurate picture of what is happening. Let them talk about their feelings and ask them to be specific about the bullying.

·       Who is doing it?

·       What are they actually doing to your child?

·       How often does it happen?

·       When and how does your child deal with it now?

• Sometimes children can be vague about the bullying because they are anxious and feel interference will make it worse. Go gently and gain accurate and specific information. Try not to put thoughts in their mind that their behaviour has caused this to happen. However, try to learn what aggravates this behaviour.

• Discuss the actions to take with your child. Give them strategies but also go straight to the school initially deal with the teacher and discuss how it will be handled. A Principal will most often refer this back to the teacher who understands more about the dynamics of their class.

• Your child needs to be aware of all the actions that needs to be taken and what the school expects of them. Read their school policy on bullying very carefully. It will contain expectations on the part of the one bullying and the victim.

• Ongoing discussion with your child will ensure that they know you are concerned and that no one rests until the bullying has stopped. Keep in regular touch with the school to ensure that the action has gone away. If still unsatisfied, talk to the Principal.

• Discuss with your child how they are feeling and have they learnt any strategies to deal with such issues in the future. Whilst we all have strong feelings about consequences for the one bullying, we want our child to learn how to prevent further bullying occurring.

• Keep in touch with the school to be satisfied that the issue of bullying is still being addressed. Bullying can transform itself in various ways and creep back without ongoing maintenance from the school and parents.

A child has a fundamental right to feel safe and to be treated fairly and respectfully. Schools and parents need to work together to ensure that emotional, intellectual, social and physical safety is a given at their school.

‘If children feel safe, they can take risks, ask questions, make mistakes, learn to trust and share their feelings and grow.’

-Alfie Kohn

How to deal with trauma such as the recent school shooting in the USA.

No easy answer here. We are confronted by what recently happened in Texas with the mass killing of young children in a school. It is almost impossible to get our heads around this atrocity and as parents, we shudder with the reminder that a parent’s grief for their lost child would be immeasurable.

Who can make sense of such an act and how do we explain this to our children?

There is no escaping that it did happen and that it was publicly displayed in many forms of media. Therefore, at some point your child will most likely have learnt about it from others. Given that second hand information can be quite dangerous, it makes sense to have your own discussions with your child about the incident. In this way you have a better grasp of what your child knows, understands and how they have interpreted the situation.

 Consider:

• Talk to your child in a quiet and safe place about the incident. Truth is the best but of course you tailor what you say to suit the age of your child.

• Children need hope and look for it. Talk about the care that the children in the school will receive and how everyone will be looking after their wellbeing. Remind them that in the midst of that horror there were many people trying to do the right thing.

• Understanding such violence and the death of children is hard for a child and so simply mention that sometimes people’s behaviour can be out of control and this can lead to devastating consequences. That is the truth and that is sadly what we need to explain carefully to our children. The world is not a perfect place but a child looks for the good and the hope so build that into your conversations at all times.

• Reassure your child of all the safety that is surrounding your child and the care that is taken to make them safe both at school and home. In fact, list all the safety and care aspects built into their life. Younger children may enjoy drawing them as a way of talking about feeling safe.

• If your child is still feeling unsafe, mention this to your teacher who will follow through in the school setting. Every school will have strategies in how to talk to the children should it be necessary.

• Sadly, the conversations of guns may come up, particularly with older children. Here there is much reassurance to be given about our gun laws and how Australia strategically deals with these issues.

• After initial discussion with your child, take care that they are not watching too much news about the incident, as this prolongs feelings of anxiety and builds up further unsettling thoughts.

• Check in with your child to see if they are still reflecting on the incident and if they are moving on with their thoughts about it.

• Try to avoid adult conversations around them that talk about the incident. Little ears will be picking up on your feelings of distress about the incident.

The trauma that occurred will live in the hearts of Americans for a long time. Teaching our children about the strong safety net we have in Australia, gives them reassurance and settles down some anxiety about it happening to them. Overtime, as they feel happier and focus less on the trauma, feelings about the incident will fade away. Your role is to nurture well, giving them feelings of security and above all happiness. This conquers lingering feelings of doubt and insecurity through childhood.

‘We believe that the ultimate treasures on earth and in heaven are our children.’

                                                -Elder Dalli H Oaks