Letting Go, Little by Little: The Power of Gradual Independence

As parents, our natural instinct is to protect, guide, and sometimes even hover or else do the tasks for the child. But one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the confidence to step out on their own, bit by bit. Slow and steady wins the race both for the child and the anxious parent. It is a learning process for both the child and parent.

Gradual independence isn’t about throwing them in the deep end. It’s about teaching them to swim with you nearby, cheering them on. It’s a process that builds resilience, confidence, and problem-solving skills that last a lifetime. It teaches them how to learn effectively. Great process for building self esteem and strengthening mental health.

Why It Matters

Children need to feel capable. When we do everything for them, they may grow dependent—or worse, afraid to try. But when we coach rather than control, they learn to trust themselves. We also start to feel comfortable in letting go the reins. We need to understand that this is better parenting than keeping the controls all the time.

Practical Ways to Start

Here are some age-appropriate ways to encourage independence:

• For young children (3–7):

  Let them choose their outfit (even if it’s socks with sandals), help pack their lunch, or water the plants. Give praise for effort, not perfection. At an early age start giving them independent opportunities.

• For tweens (8–12):

  Let them manage their homework schedule, ride their bike to a friend’s house, or cook a simple meal. Let them try, then learn from mistakes in a safe space where there is only encouragement.

• For teens (13+):

  Involve them in decision-making, budgeting, planning outings, or solving their own friendship issues. Offer support, but resist jumping in too quickly. With social media work with them in deciding on what is suitable for them to view and use.

Real-Life Example

Ella, age 10, wanted to walk the dog alone. Her parents first walked behind her at a distance. The next week, she went solo but carried a phone. Today, she walks the dog confidently every morning. One small step, huge growth.

The Catch?

Yes, it can be messy. There may be forgotten lunchboxes, missed buses, or burnt toast. But those hiccups are how children learn and how parents learn to let go (just a little). Affirm all their efforts even if they are unsuccessful. They need to see that you value their efforts to be independent.

Final Word

Think of gradual independence as giving your child a toolkit. The earlier they learn to use it, the more prepared they’ll be when life really begins to test them. It will become more automatic for them overtime to work on problem issues themselves. There is nothing more satisfying than solving problems yourself!

So start small. Watch them grow. And remember, your goal isn’t to hold on forever. It’s to cheer them on as they fly. It is also a known fact, ask any teacher that a child learns faster and with confidence when they expect to do things for themselves. Dependent children become too reliant on others to give them solutions.

“In teaching me independence of thought, they have given me the greatest gift an adult can give to a child besides love and they had given me that also.”

— Bryce Courtenay

Raise a Hopeful Child: The Power of a Proactive Parent

As parents, we often find ourselves reacting to moods, meltdowns, lost lunchboxes, and unexpected worries. What if, instead of reacting, we became proactive in shaping the way our children see the world?

Taking a proactive stand isn’t just about routines and boundaries (though those matter). It’s about becoming a quiet architect of your child’s mindset, helping them build resilience, hope, and the ability to look for opportunity even in tough times.

Why Proactive Parenting Matters for Mental Health

Children’s mental health isn’t only about what goes wrong, anxiety, sadness, or stress but about what’s built up before those moments. A proactive approach gives your child tools to handle life before it overwhelms them. It's a map through the storm. A positive outlook in a parent is very catchy with their child.

1. Speak the Language of Possibility

Children are always listening. Every time we say, “That’s too hard,” they absorb that as truth. But if we say, “Let’s try,” or “We’ll figure it out,” we are teaching them to hope. Anything is possible is the motto.

Try this:

Instead of: “Maths is hard, isn’t it?”

Say: “This looks tricky, but let’s see what we can do.”

Over time, your child starts to think, “I can try,” rather than, “I’m stuck.”

2. Name Strengths, Not Just Struggles

It’s easy to focus on what children aren’t doing — not sitting still, not finishing homework, not listening. But if we call out what is working, we help them see themselves as capable.

Example:

“You really kept going, even when that puzzle was frustrating. That’s called perseverance. It’s a brilliant strength.” Naming the good makes it grow. Be an opportunist, spot the strengths.

3. Model Hope, Even in Small Things

If your child sees you problem-solve calmly, laugh at mistakes, and stay optimistic, they’re more likely to do the same. Be authentic when dealing with your child.

For instance:

When plans change unexpectedly, say:

“Well, that’s not what we thought would happen! Let’s make a Plan B.”

This shows them that life doesn’t have to go perfectly to go well.

4. Ask Empowering Questions

When your child is upset, don’t rush in with solutions. Instead, invite them to think.

• “What do you think we could try next?”

• “What helped last time?”

• “If your friend felt like this, what would you say to them?”

These questions grow problem-solving skills and emotional confidence.

What’s the Takeaway?

Being proactive isn’t about being perfect. It’s about planting seeds of courage, optimism, and hope in the everyday moments. It’s small words, quiet praise, and helping your child look ahead instead of feeling stuck.

“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.”

— Helen Keller

Raising a Confident Child in Today’s Classroom: 5 Surprising Ways Parents Can Help

Let’s face it: school can be a confidence minefield. Whether it’s answering a question in front of the class, navigating friendship drama, or simply speaking up when they need help, many children hold back, often because they don’t believe in themselves and they are just not socially sure of themselves.

As a parent, you’re in the perfect position to quietly build that belief. Confidence needs to be lived, practised, and grown like a muscle.

Here are 5 innovative, real-world ideas to help your child grow in confidence at school and beyond.

1. Let Your Child Be the Expert (at Home and in Public)

Why it works: When children teach something, they feel powerful and valued. Explaining ideas helps them process and internalize knowledge, and boosts their confidence to speak out in class.

Try this:

• Ask your child to explain a concept they’re learning like fractions, life cycles, or even a new word and record a mini “teaching video” for a grandparent or cousin.

• Out in the world? Ask them to order the food, check the train times, or explain a museum exhibit to you like they’re your tour guide.

The more they hear their own voice doing real life activities in a responsible way the more they grow sure of themselves.

2. Schedule One “Mini Risk” a Week

Why it works: Confidence comes from doing, especially things that feel a bit uncomfortable. Regular small challenges build resilience and trust in their own ability.

Try this:

Make a “Mini Risk Jar” with your child. Fill it with fun, doable dares:

• Ask a new friend to play

• Try a new club

• Put your hand up once a day

• Present a joke at dinner

• Talk about any risks you have taken recently.

Celebrate attempts, not outcomes. Praise the trying, not the success. Comment on the effort made and how this is successful.

3. Ditch “Be Confident”. Say This Instead

Why it works: “Be confident” is vague. Kids need tools. Swapping language helps them link confidence to specific actions.

Try this:

Replace “Be confident” with:

• “Speak like you’re helping someone understand”

• “Stand like a superhero, feet planted, eyes up”

• “Remember, your voice is a gift”

Real story: A dad told his son, “Stand like Spider-Man before he saves the day.” The next morning, the boy stood taller during show-and-tell and actually smiled.

4. Let Them Hear You Fail (and Bounce Back)

Why it works: Children often believe adults are always right, always perfect. When you model what it looks like to get something wrong and keep going, you give them permission to do the same. Be authentic and let them see the real you with warts and all.

Try this:

• Talk aloud about your mistakes: “I totally messed up that email but here’s how I fixed it.”

• Share how you felt, what you did next, and how you kept perspective.

“I told my son about how I froze during a meeting. He said, ‘That’s like when I forgot my line in the play!’ Suddenly, we were teammates.”

5. Confidence Grows in the Quiet, Too

Why it works: Not all confidence is loud. Some children shine by preparing quietly and leading gently. That’s not shyness, it’s strength.

Try this:

• Create “backstage” confidence moments: help them prep for a class talk with cue cards or rehearse a social scenario with stuffed animals.

• Praise thoughtful acts: “You noticed Ella was left out. That’s real leadership.”

• Remind them: confidence isn’t always about being first, it’s about being ready.

• Affirm those quiet moments when you notice behaviour that is helpful to others.

A Final Word

Confidence is not a personality trait—it’s a learnt skill. And like any skill, it grows best with practice, praise, and patience. Every child will be different in how they show confidence and for some it is a slow, steady progress. We need to be patient.

You don’t need to push your child to be the loudest, the fastest, or the most outgoing. You just need to show them they’re seen, heard, and capable, especially when they doubt it. Let them develop their voice in their own time.

Start small. Celebrate progress. And trust that each brave step they take, no matter how tiny, is shaping a stronger future.

"I Just Don’t Know How to Help!" – A Parent’s Guide to Coping When School Gets Tough

Being a parent isn’t easy at the best of times, but when your child is upset about school or you’re worried they’re falling behind, it can feel overwhelming. You might wonder: Should I speak to the teacher? Should I push harder or back off? What if I make it worse?

You're not alone. Many parents feel this way. Let’s talk about what to do when school feels difficult for your child and for you.

Start with Listening

When a child says, “I hate school,” or “I’m bad at reading,” our instinct is often to jump in with reassurance or solutions. But first, just listen. Give them your full attention even just 5 minutes of focused listening can unlock what’s really going on.

Try saying:

• “I am wondering how school went today.”

• “That sounds tough. I’d feel upset too.”

Remember this is not about giving them the answers. At this stage it is simply listening and feeling their concern.

Break the Problem Into Small Pieces

Big school problems often have small, manageable parts. Once your child feels heard, you can gently help them name the problem.

Example issues:

• “I don’t get maths” might actually mean “I got stuck on subtraction.”

• “No one likes me” might mean “Two friends wouldn’t play with me today.”

Help your child zoom in. Small problems are easier to talk about and easier to solve. For the child at the time, they seem insurmountable.

Make a Simple Action Plan (Together)

Children feel more confident when they’re part of the solution. They need to feel ownership of the issue. Once you've listened and broken the problem down, brainstorm one small step together.

Examples of action steps:

• Practising reading at home to build confidence

• Writing a short note to the teacher about a worry

• Role-playing what to say to a friend at playtime

For you: Don’t hesitate to send a quick message to the teacher. A simple, kind email like “My child is a bit anxious about PE. Any suggestions?” can open a helpful door.

Let Go of "Perfect"

You don’t have to be a teacher or a therapist. You don’t need perfect answers. Children don’t need perfect parents. They need present ones. Just showing up, listening, and caring makes a huge difference.

If you're trying, you're already helping. Being authentic shows the child you are really wanting to help.

Some Reassurance

Most school struggles are temporary. Children are resilient and bounce back, especially when they have a parent who’s in their corner. This is not about solving the problem for them but being there, listening and together working on solutions. If you, the parent, take full ownership of their problem, they will disengage from it and they will have learnt nothing.

Example:

Tom, age 9, was refusing to go to school. After some gentle chats, his dad realized Tom was scared about changing seats. A quick word with the teacher helped, and they worked out a solution. Within a week, Tom was back at school and smiling.

One Last Thought

When school is tough, it can feel like you're both in the storm. But storms pass. What matters most is that your child knows you're by their side..With slow and steady support, recognizing that it is a problem for them is critical to their sense of security. Working through the problem together and checking in to see how they are going is the best way to show you care.

What AI Means for Your Child’s Education And How to Help Them Thrive

Why it works:

• It’s a hot topic. Parents are hearing about AI everywhere but may not understand how it relates to school.

• It positions you as forward-thinking, offering clarity in an area full of uncertainty.

• It opens up a new parenting role: helping kids navigate the future, not just the present.

• It shows that you are listening to what's new and about.

What you could include:

• What’s already happening in schools: AI in homework tools, learning platforms, and even marking systems. Find out if the school has sent home any information.

• What kids are curious about or using: Chat GPT, Tik Tok etc.

• How to support healthy use: guiding curiosity, spotting misinformation, encouraging creativity, not cheating. Talk frequently about the use and abuse of such a tool as AI.

• Future skills to nurture: critical thinking, empathy, digital discernment. Talk about how different industries could use AI.

• Look up the web to see what the Education Department is writing about AI and what advice they have for parents.

Your child needs to see that you are not intimidated by change and that you carefully assess what is new and different. The more discussion with your child the better. Allow them to tell you what they know about AI.

“To be an effective learner we should be open to new and challenging concepts.”

— Gail J Smith

Letting Go a Little: Why Gradual Independence Matters for Your Child’s Growth

One of the hardest parts of parenting is knowing when to step back. We want to keep our children safe, happy, and successful, and sometimes that means we hold on too tightly and are frightened of them making mistakes. We need to start giving them gradual independence, little by little, day by day, even though some of this independence will mean making mistakes which can be upsetting.

We are not leaving them to figure things out alone. It means letting them try, stumble, learn, and succeed with our support, not our control. They learn to know we are there when really needed. If they think we are about control, they will step back and lose interest.

Why Does Gradual Independence Matter?

In today’s world, it can feel risky to let children do things on their own. However it is more risky not to enable your child to cope with the real world and to rely on others to solve problems. There’s pressure to protect them from failure, frustration, and even boredom. But the truth is:

✅ Children learn by doing, not by watching.

✅ Confidence comes from experience, not praise alone.

✅ Resilience is built through overcoming small challenges.

Gradually gaining independence awakens in the child a wonderful sense of personal satisfaction and confidence. It is quite liberating!

Real-Life Examples of Where It Matters

1. Getting Ready for School

It might be quicker (and tidier!) to pack their bag, zip their coat, and butter their toast. But every time we take over, we take away a learning opportunity.

💡 Instead:

Teach them how to check a simple morning list: bag packed, lunchbox in, coat on, shoes by the door. It’ll take patience at first, but it pays off fast, and they’ll feel proud doing it themselves.

2. Friendships and Play

If your child says, “He won’t play with me,” it’s tempting to jump in and fix it. But these small moments are chances to learn negotiation, sharing, and handling disappointment.

💡 Instead:

Ask questions like: “What could you try next time?” or “How do you think he felt?” Help them think through solutions but let them do the talking.

3. Homework and Learning

You want your child to succeed, so it’s natural to sit beside them and guide every step. But they need to learn how to think, not just how to get the answer. This may involve learning from mistakes.

💡 Instead:

Support them to plan their time, set up a quiet space, and check their own work. You’re building independence and responsibility. Homework is also the responsibility of the school and child, not the parent.

4. Problem Solving

From a forgotten jumper to a missed club, let children experience small consequences safely.

💡 Instead:

If they forget something, avoid racing to school with it. Next time, they’ll remember. These low stakes “failures” teach responsibility better than lectures ever could.

What Gets in the Way?

• Fear of failure: We worry a mistake will hurt their confidence, but small stumbles teach big lessons.

• Time pressure: Life is busy, and doing it ourselves is faster, but it delays learning.

• Wanting to protect: We want to shield them from discomfort, but facing challenges with our support grows courage. Children want to feel in control.

How to Start Giving Gradual Independence

Think of it like riding a bike:

1. You hold the saddle.

2. You run beside them.

3. You let go... but stay nearby.

4. You cheer them on even if they wobble.

Every step tells them:

“You’re capable. I believe in you. I feel very happy when I see you showing independence.”

Final Thought: Independence Isn’t the End of Parenting, It’s Part of It

Gradual independence actually brings your child closer to you. It’s about walking beside them while they grow stronger legs. When we give children the space to try, we give them the chance to thrive, and they value the gradual freedom you give them.

So let go, just a little, and watch what they can do. See how creative and confident they become as they happily take charge of their own life.

Simple ways to help your child with their anxiety issues

If you’ve ever felt like your child worries more than they should, or gets overwhelmed by small setbacks, you’re not alone. Today’s children are growing up in a world full of pressure: school demands, social media, the news, even our own stress. It's no wonder anxiety is showing up more in younger children.

However we can teach them how to be resilient,

What Does Anxiety Look Like in Young Children?

Children often don’t say “I’m anxious”, instead, it shows up in their behaviour:

• They might refuse to go to school.

• They complain of tummy aches with no medical cause.

• They get tearful or angry when a routine changes.

• They say things like, “I can’t do it” or “Everyone’s better than me.”

• They become silent

Sound familiar? These are all ways that anxiety can appear in children, especially in the early years and primary school.

So, What Can Parents Do Right Now?

1. Name the Feeling

Young children often feel better just from knowing what they’re feeling has a name.

Instead of saying: “Don’t worry — it’s nothing.”

Try: “It sounds like you’re feeling a bit nervous. That’s okay — we all feel like that sometimes.”

This helps them recognize and label emotions, which is the first step in managing them.

2. Model 'Brave Behaviour'

Children learn most from what they see. If they watch you facing challenges (even small ones) with a steady attitude, they start to believe they can do the same.

For example:

“I’ve got a big presentation at work today and I feel nervous, but I’ve prepared, and I’m going to try my best.”

This shows that being nervous is normal, and that bravery means doing things even when we feel a bit scared. Show them it’s all about taking control of those nervous feelings.

3. Praise the Process, Not Just the Outcome

Instead of focusing on whether something was done perfectly, celebrate the effort.

For example:

“I saw you kept trying with that tricky puzzle. That was brilliant persistence!”

This builds a growth mindset, helping children see setbacks as part of learning, not signs of failure.

4. Small actions count

Encourage small acts of courage every day. Start with achievable steps, like putting their hand up in class, or trying a new food and celebrate them. Multiple small achievements that are praised make a big difference!

Make a “Brave Jar” at home: every time your child does something that feels brave, they get to put a marble or token in the jar. Watch it grow!

5. Create Calm Routines

Predictable routines help anxious children feel safe. Try keeping mornings calm and consistent, breakfast, brushing teeth, packing bags in the same order. Same organized routine for nigh time.

6. Watch Your Own Anxiety

Children are emotional sponges. If you’re often saying, “I’m so stressed,” or showing panic in tough situations, they will absorb that.

Take moments to breathe, pause, and model calm responses even when you’re faking it a bit. You’re teaching emotional regulation without saying a word. Try to avoid words about yourself like stress, anxious, frightened ,weak, vulnerable.

When Should You Seek Help?

If your child’s anxiety is stopping them from taking part in everyday life, refusing school regularly, withdrawing from friends, or having frequent meltdowns, it might be time to talk to the teacher, your GP, school councillor or a child therapist.

Final Thought: Bravery Grows Slowly — But It Grows

Raising a resilient child doesn’t mean they’ll never struggle. It means they’ll know how to bounce back, try again, and keep going. That’s the greatest gift we can give them. It’s called resilience.

You don’t need to have all the answers. Let them see that we are not all perfect. Just walk alongside them, name the feelings, and keep reminding them: “You’ve got this, and I’ve got you.”

“It’s not whether you get knocked down. It’s whether you get up.”

— Vince Lombardi

As a parent remember to listen well

Here are five powerful reasons why parents need to truly listen to their child, each with a sharp and effective well-being message:

Small Problems Now Prevent Big Problems Later

• When kids feel heard about small worries (like a bad day at school), they’re more likely to share big issues (like bullying or anxiety) later. Dismissing small concerns teaches them their voice doesn’t matter. Sometimes they cannot decipher between what is big and little with their worries.

Listening Builds Confidence, Not Silence

• A child who feels listened to learns that their thoughts and feelings are important. A constantly interrupted or dismissed child learns to stay quiet, even when they desperately need help. Being silent, they feel is a safe position.

Strong Parent-Child Bonds Reduce Anxiety

• Studies show that children who feel heard by their parents develop better emotional regulation and experience less anxiety and stress. Feeling understood creates a deep sense of security. If you are heard you are more confident in yourself.

Kids Who Are Heard Become Adults Who Speak Up

• When parents actively listen, kids grow up with the confidence to set boundaries, express their needs, and advocate for themselves in friendships, school, and later in life. For them, talking up is their strength.

Unspoken Feelings Don’t Disappear—They Show Up in Behaviour

• When children feel ignored, their emotions often turn into anger, defiance, withdrawal, or anxiety. Listening is the first step in helping them healthily process their feelings. They need to use their voice.

Remember children learn by example and if you are a good listener to others they will see how effective this is in communicating well. If a child feels that they are being listened to, they know they are valued and that what they have to say really matters.

“Be patient when listening to your child. You will hear so much but within their talk there is an important message that will come through.”

— Gail J Smith

Understanding Your Child’s Weekly Challenges at School And How You Can Help

School is a full-time job for children, filled with learning, social interactions, and daily challenges. As a parent, understanding what your child faces each week can help you provide meaningful support at home. Here’s a guide to some common challenges children encounter and practical ways you can help them navigate these experiences.

Academic Learning Challenges

Children are constantly absorbing new information, which can sometimes feel overwhelming. Some children take a longer time to process information, which can cause them stress.

How You Can Help:

• Ask specific questions: Instead of asking “How was school?” try “What was the most interesting thing you learned today?”

• Create a homework-friendly environment: A quiet, well-lit space helps children concentrate.

• Encourage a growth mindset: Praise effort, not just results. Saying, “I love how you kept trying!” builds resilience. It is the process of learning that is important.

• Use real-life learning opportunities: If they’re learning fractions, bake together. If it’s history, visit a museum or watch a documentary. Make learning fun.

Friendships and Social Dynamics

Navigating friendships, dealing with peer pressure, and handling conflicts are significant aspects of school life.

How You Can Help:

• Encourage open conversations: Ask about their friends, group activities, and how they felt during social interactions. Never criticize their choice of friends.

• Model positive social interactions: Show them how to manage conflicts calmly and respectfully in everyday life. Talk about your situations where being calm and steady were necessary.

• Teach empathy: Ask, “How do you think your friend felt?” to encourage perspective-taking.

Managing Expectations and Pressure

Children often feel pressure to perform academically, socially, or in extracurricular activities.

How You Can Help:

• Normalize mistakes: Share your own experiences of learning from failures.

• Help them prioritize: Teach time management with a simple planner or checklist.

• Balance activities: Ensure they have downtime to relax and just be kids.

• Celebrate small successes: Acknowledge their hard work, even if results aren’t perfect.

Handling Tiredness and Stress

A full school week can leave children mentally and physically drained. This can cause unwanted anxiety.

How You Can Help:

• Ensure enough sleep: Set a regular bedtime and limit screen time before bed. Keep their room suitably dark to help them sleep well.

• Promote relaxation techniques: Deep breathing, stretching, or listening to calming music can help. Sometimes having an ongoing art activity or jigsaw puzzle set up can be beneficial.

• Encourage outdoor play: Fresh air and movement help relieve stress. This can be through regular park visits or simply a kick of a ball in the backyard. Make exercise a regular part of their weekly routines.

• Check for over-scheduling: If they’re exhausted, it may be time to scale back commitments. This could include a complete break for a few days.

• Positive outlook: Try to keep a positive outlook in the home throughout the week. This reduces stress.

Building Confidence and Independence

As children grow, they need to develop self-confidence and independence in learning and decision-making. This is where you let them grow emotionally and socially.

How You Can Help:

• Let them solve problems: Instead of jumping in, guide them to find solutions.

• Give responsibilities at home: Small tasks like packing their school bag help build independence.

• Encourage self-advocacy: If they have an issue at school, discuss how they might talk to their teacher about it.

• Foster resilience: Teach them that setbacks are part of learning and encourage perseverance.

Final Thoughts

Just as we experience ups and downs across the week, just as we also feel tired, irritated and unhappy from time to time, so will our child. Your capacity to listen well to their concerns and to offer good counsel with not too much intervention is a helpful way to support their busy week. They need to live in a child's world which will mimic the ups and downs of adult life in some ways. Your hand will be there to guide them gently into making good choices that strengthen their foundation years.

Helping Your Child Navigate Friendships and Challenges

Friendships play a huge role in a child's school experience, shaping their confidence, happiness, and even their academic success. But as every parent knows, friendships come with ups and downs — disagreements, peer pressure, and the heartbreak of feeling left out. Here are five powerful ways parents can help their children build strong, healthy friendships while overcoming challenges.

1. Teach Empathy Through Storytelling

Children who understand how others feel are more likely to form meaningful friendships and handle conflicts with kindness.

Example: If your child tells you a friend was unkind, instead of immediately taking sides, ask: “How do you think they were feeling? Why might they have acted that way?” Reading books about friendship together or sharing your own childhood stories can help children develop empathy and perspective.

2. Role-Play Difficult Social Situations

Many children struggle to know what to say or do in tricky situations. Practising responses in a safe environment can give them the confidence to handle challenges.

Example: If your child is feeling left out at playtime, practise possible conversations:

“Can I join in?” or “Hey, do you want to play together today?”

If they’re dealing with a bossy friend, teach them how to say:

“I like playing with you, but I also want to make my own choices.”

3. Model Positive Friendships at Home

Children learn the most about relationships by watching their parents. If they see you handling disagreements respectfully and maintaining friendships, they’ll follow suit.

Example: If you have a disagreement with a friend or partner, show your child how to resolve it with kindness. Say things like:

“I was upset earlier, but I talked to my friend, and we worked it out.

This teaches them that disagreements don’t mean the end of a friendship—they can be worked through.

4. Encourage a ‘Wide Net’ of Friends

Relying on just one friend can be risky—if there’s a fallout, children can feel completely alone. Encourage them to be open to different friendships.

Example: If your child always plays with the same person, suggest inviting another classmate to join an activity. Say:

“I love that you and Emily are close! Why don’t we invite Mia over too?”

Encouraging group friendships helps children avoid being overly dependent on one person.

5. Teach Resilience When Friendships Change

Friendships naturally shift over time, and not every friendship lasts forever. Teaching your child to accept change helps them build emotional strength.

Example: If your child is upset that a friend has started playing with someone else, acknowledge their feelings but also provide perspective:

“It’s hard when friendships change, but it doesn’t mean you won’t find new great friends.”

Encourage activities where they can meet new friends, like clubs or sports, so they learn that one friendship ending isn’t the end of the world.

Forming friends, losing them and realigning yourself to new groups is a normal part of the childhood development in social and emotional growth. There will be disappointments and successes. There will be sharp reminders about how relationships can change and effect very quickly your well being. As a parent be a good listener and be inclusive with all their friends not showing judgement or bias. Your child needs to walk the road that will ultimately lead them to forming happy stable relationships that are inclusive and that build in them strong emotional intelligence.

“A friend is one of the nicest things you can have and one of the best things you can be.”

— Douglas Pagels

Five sound reasons why parents should stay in touch with their child’s school throughout the year.

The more you keep in touch with school, the greater chance of a successful school year.

Consider:

Better Academic Support

• Regular communication with teachers helps parents understand their child's progress and areas needing improvement.

• Example: A parent who checks in with the teacher about their child’s struggles in math can get advice on home support strategies or learn about extra resources.

Stronger Home-School Partnership

• When parents and teachers work together, children feel supported both at home and in school.

• Example: A child struggling with reading gains confidence when their parents use the same phonics techniques as the teacher at home.

Awareness of Behaviour & Social Development

• Teachers see how children interact with peers and can provide insights on friendships, behaviour, or emotional challenges.

• Example: A parent might learn that their usually quiet child is struggling with playground conflicts and can then discuss ways to help them navigate friendships.

Keeping Up with School Events & Changes

• Schools often introduce new policies, curriculum changes, or events that parents should be aware of.

• Example: A parent who stays in touch won’t miss out on an opportunity for their child to join a free after-school science club or something similar. Sometimes new activities can happen spontaneously.

Early Intervention for Issues

• Small problems can grow if left unaddressed, but regular check-ins allow for early solutions.

• Example: A teacher notices a child's handwriting is falling behind and, by informing the parents early, they can work together on fine motor skills before it becomes a bigger issue.

Keep in mind that more contact and building relationships with the school and especially the teachers, provides a great framework for a successful year. You will also enjoy the journey.

“School can be a great place to grow for the whole family and just the children.”

— Gail J Smith

Have a positive outlook with your child. It's great for strengthening mental health.

Try to maintain a positive outlook with your child. The less they see and feel the pressures that can mount at home, the more content they will be. What a wonderful outcome if your child remembers their home life as happy and peaceful.

The illustrations below are all about developing good life skills around your child that will support a happy environment with your child.

Consider:

Acknowledge all the efforts

• Example: When your child studies hard but doesn’t get a perfect score, say, “I’m so proud of how much effort you put in. That’s what really matters!”

Reason: Focusing on effort encourages a growth mindset, which helps children view challenges as opportunities for growth rather than reasons to feel defeated.

• Acknowledge Their Feelings

Example: If your child is upset, try saying, “I can see you’re really sad about this. Let’s talk it through together.”

Reason: Validating their emotions instead of dismissing them teaches children that all feelings are normal and manageable. This approach helps them build emotional intelligence and feel comfortable expressing themselves.

• Use Positive Language When Discussing Mistakes

Example: If your child spills something, say, “No big deal! Let’s clean it up together.”

Reason: Framing mistakes as learning moments rather than failures helps children see that they can recover from setbacks, reducing fear of failure and building resilience.

• Express Genuine Interest in Their Day

Example: When your child comes home, ask, “What was the best part of your day?”

Reason: Showing consistent interest in their lives helps them feel valued, which strengthens their self-worth and builds trust, both essential for mental health.

• Model Optimism and Problem-Solving

Example: If plans change, say, “Looks like we have to change things, but I bet we’ll have a great time with the new plan!”

Reason: Children who see positive coping strategies from their parents are more likely to develop these habits themselves, leading to a stronger ability to handle stress and adapt to challenges.

In each of these ways, a positive approach reinforces a child’s belief in themselves, improves their ability to manage emotions, and provides tools for handling life’s ups and downs. This combination forms a strong foundation for good mental health as they grow.

“A positive outlook always lightens moods and brings in hope.”

— Gail J Smith

Being interested in your child’s school has many benefits

As a parent you are better connected to your child if you value and connect to their school. Remember your child spends five hours a day across forty weeks of the year living in a different world from you where there are many influences and challenges. Your child’s school invites you to be an active member of the work they do with your child. They understand the real difference it makes to your child when you are part of your child’s learning world.

 Consider the following benefits:

Academic Progress

Regular communication helps parents stay informed about their child's achievements, challenges, and growth. This way, they can address any learning difficulties early and support their child in meeting academic goals. The more you know the better equipped you are to help.

Emotional Well-being

Children may face social or emotional challenges at school, like bullying or anxiety. By staying in touch with teachers, parents can better understand their child’s social experiences and work together to resolve any issues.

A Strong Parent-Teacher Partnership

Maintaining an open dialogue builds trust between parents and teachers. This partnership ensures everyone is on the same page when it comes to supporting the child’s education and development, creating a united front.

Being Informed About School Events and Changes

Schools regularly have events, programs, or changes to policies. Being in regular contact means parents won’t miss important updates, allowing them to be involved in their child's school life and prepared for any changes.

Encourage Positive Behaviour

When children see that their parents and teachers are connected and communicate often, they are more likely to take school seriously, respect rules, and stay motivated to do their best.

 There is so much to enjoy for all the family in the life of a school. You will be enriched by that environment in which you have entrusted your child.

“Make your child’s school a destination for yourself.”

— Gail J Smith

Talk to your child regularly. It’s important for their mental health

Keep conversations going with your child even if you think they are not listening. Let them know that you are a listener and want everything to be out in the open and frequently discussed amongst you. Let them see that conversations are a great way of dealing with problems and that you feel better when matters are openly discussed.

Regular conversations with your child:

1. Builds Trust and Emotional Safety

When children feel heard, they trust that they can share their emotion without fear of judgement.

Example: A child struggling with bullying feels safe opening up to a parent who listens calmly, instead of dismissing their feelings.

2. Prevents Emotional Suppression

Open conversations help children process emotions instead of bottling them up, reducing the risk of anxiety and depression.

Example: Asking, "How was your day?" allows a child to express frustration over a ` grade rather than holding it in.

3. Develops Problem-Solving Skills

Talking through challenges teaches kids how to handle problems and make decisions.

Example: If a child is upset about a fight with a friend, discussing the issue helps them brainstorm ways to apologize or make amends.

4. Strengthens Parent-Child Connection

Frequent conversations create a strong bond, making children feel supported and valued.

Example: Regular chats during bedtime build a habit of sharing, even when they grow older and face bigger challenges.

5. Detects Early Signs of Mental Health Issues

Talking often allows parents to notice mood changes or troubling thoughts before they escalate.

Example: If a usually cheerful child starts avoiding conversations, this could signal stress or sadness, prompting early support.

“A child really feels supported when a parent uses open communication.”

— Gail J Smith

Teach your child to like themselves

One of the keys to success is to accept and like who you are. A child needs to believe that they deserve to be treated well and that they deserve good things in their life. They need to nurture the belief that they are as good as anyone else. It takes time for a child to mature into really recognizing their own value so start early as a a parent in teaching them their worth.

Here are five reasons why parents need to teach their children to like and accept themselves, along with examples of how they can do it:

1. Builds Confidence

When children learn to accept themselves, they become more confident in their abilities and decisions. For example, if a child feels unsure about their looks or talents, parents can remind them of their strengths and help them embrace their uniqueness. Complimenting their efforts, not just results, can help reinforce this.

2. Develops Emotional Resilience

Self-acceptance helps children cope better with challenges and failures. Parents can encourage this by framing mistakes as learning opportunities. For instance, if a child doesn’t win a competition, remind them it’s okay to fail sometimes and that they still have value regardless of the outcome.

3. Promotes Healthy Relationships

Children who accept themselves are more likely to build strong, positive relationships because they don’t rely on others for validation. Parents can encourage healthy relationships by teaching their children not to compare themselves to others and to value friends who respect them for who they are.

4. Reduces Anxiety and Stress

When children are comfortable with who they are, they feel less pressure to meet unrealistic expectations. Parents can help by reassuring their children that they don’t have to be perfect. For example, if a child is stressed about grades, parents can focus on the effort and improvement rather than demanding perfection.

5. Fosters Independence and Decision-Making

Self-accepting children trust themselves and their instincts, leading to better decision-making. Parents can nurture this by allowing children to make age-appropriate choices, like choosing their clothes or hobbies, while guiding them gently without taking control. This shows them that their opinions matter. By teaching self-acceptance, parents provide their children with the emotional tools they need to lead happier, more fulfilling lives.

As the parent show your child how your life reflects treating yourself with dignity and nurture. Your lifestyle and self-management will be watched carefully by your child.

“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will makes them successful human beings.”

— It's a lovely life.com

Opinions: Can be damning to a child if not managed well

We all have opinions. What we need to teach our children is that you do not judge yourself on what others think of you. From an early age we remind our children that they are worthy of making good judgements for themselves.

Teach your children that:

• What other people say about or to you can only affect you if you believe them. This is all about building their self worth.

• You are in charge of how you feel. When you get others bringing you down keep reminding yourself that they have no value at all.

• No one can make you feel inferior without our consent, said Eleanor Roosevelt. Therefore, you do not give anyone consent to put you down.

• Be proud of your opinions and know that they are valued. Not everyone may believe them but they are yours to own and to express to others. After all success comes from believing in yourself.

• Gravitate around positive people that are not in the habit of bringing people down. This makes for happier lasting friendships.

• People that have strong opinions about others are usually very poor listeners and are not interesting to be around as a friend. In fact they can bring you down very easily as they control the conversations usually in a negative way.

• Choose friends wisely as this will be a big boost to a happy childhood.

Finally teach your children that you are there to listen to them with no judgement and that you value what they have to say. With affirming parenting, they will take advantage of your wisdom.

“Listen to your child’s opinions and applaud their creative approach to life.”

— Gail J Smith

Teach your child to set goals. It is a great life skill.

Sometimes the thought of setting up goals can be daunting. If however, you teach your child to start small and build up slowly, their expectations will grow steadily and they will gradually see the fruits of their labour. Once feeling success from setting goals the interest grows in setting up more goals.

Here are some suggestions to help your child in this area. The examples are helpful to put goal setting in context.

Start Small

Encourage setting small, achievable goals to build confidence.

• Example: "This week, let's try to clean up your toys every day before dinner."

Lead by Example

Show them how you set and achieve your own goals.

• Example: "I want to read one book this month. What goal can you set for yourself?"

Break Big Goals into Steps

Teach them to divide larger goals into manageable tasks.

• Example: "You want to finish your school project. Let's start by gathering materials today."

Celebrate Progress

Recognize and reward efforts to keep motivation high.

• Example: "You practised piano for 10 minutes every day this week—let's celebrate with a special treat!"

Make Goals Fun

Turn goal-setting into a game or challenge.

• Example: "Let’s see if you can improve your running time by 10 seconds each week. We'll keep track together!"

Teach Reflection

Encourage them to think about what worked and what didn't after achieving (or not achieving) their goal.

• Example: "You finished your book! How did breaking it into chapters help you reach your goal?"

Encourage Long-term Goals

Help them think ahead and set goals that take longer to achieve.

• Example: "You want to learn to ride a bike without training wheels. Let’s practice for 15 minutes every day."

Provide Support and Guidance

Offer help without doing it for them, so they feel ownership of their goals.

• Example: "I'll help you study for your spelling test, but you can choose the words you need to practice."

In simple ways you can use goals setting as a way of life. The more your child grows independent of relying less on others and more on themselves, the more they are inclined to set their own goals with confidence.

“Be a goal setter in your own life and see how your child will easily adapt to such habits.”

— Gail J Smith

What lifelong lessons do you want your child to adopt?

There are many lessons we teach our children but there are some that will have a longer life and will be of much value if they adopt them when they are adults. For example, you may teach your child how to ride a bike but how does that compare to teaching them how to be a well-rounded person with strong values and a love for life.

Consider the following beliefs and maybe some may particularly resonate with you:

"You are loved unconditionally."

• Lesson: No matter what happens, you are always loved and accepted for who you are.

• How to teach: Show affection through words and actions daily. When they make mistakes, reassure them that mistakes don’t change your love for them. This creates emotional security.

"Your feelings are valid."

• Lesson: It's okay to feel angry, sad, happy, or confused. All emotions are part of being human.

• How to teach: Acknowledge and talk through their emotions without judgement. If they’re upset, say, "I see you're upset; it's okay to feel that way. Let's figure it out together."

"It's okay to fail; failure is how we learn."

• Lesson: Failure is a natural part of life and leads to growth.

• How to teach: Share your own failures and what you learned from them. Encourage them to try new things without fear of messing up. Praise their efforts, not just their success.

"Be kind to yourself and others."

• Lesson: Self-compassion is just as important as being kind to others.

• How to teach: Model self-kindness by speaking positively about yourself in front of them. Teach empathy by helping them understand how others feel and encouraging acts of kindness.

"You are enough just as you are."

• Lesson: You don’t need to change to be worthy of love and respect.

• How to teach: Regularly remind them of their worth. Say things like, "You are amazing just the way you are." Celebrate their unique traits and talents, reinforcing that they don't need to compare themselves to others.

"Challenges make you stronger."

• Lesson: Difficulties and obstacles help you grow and build resilience.

• How to teach: When they face a challenge, encourage them to keep going, reassuring them that struggles are part of life. Share examples of people who overcame adversity and how it shaped them.

"You always have choices."

• Lesson: Even in tough situations, you have the power to choose how you respond.

• How to teach: Give them choices from a young age, allowing them to make decisions and understand the consequences. Teach them that they can’t control everything, but they can control how they react.

"Take care of your mind and body."

• Lesson: Your mental and physical well-being are interconnected, and both need care.

• How to teach: Teach healthy habits like eating well, staying active, and practicing mindfulness. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and take breaks when overwhelmed.

"Be true to yourself."

• Lesson: Follow your heart, and don’t live to please others.

• How to teach: Encourage self-expression and support their interests, even if they are different from your own. Reinforce the idea that their happiness is not about pleasing others but about being authentic.

"Life is a journey, not a race."

• Lesson: There’s no need to rush; it’s okay to move at your own pace.

• How to teach: Avoid pressuring them to achieve milestones quickly. Help them appreciate the process of learning and growing instead of focusing solely on outcomes.

Simply use life experiences to teach the above lessons. There will be plenty of occasions along their journey to adulthood to test some of the beliefs above. Keep in mind that your example of how you live life will be an important guideline for your child especially if they see that you are happy in the choices you make.

“Every child deserves a champion- an adult who understands the power of connection and insists that they become the best that can possibly be.”

— Rita Pierson

Parents can teach their children to make wiser choices.

As your child matures they begin to develop reasoning and start to reflect on a deeper understanding of what life and decisions are all about. As a parent you can encourage behaviour that will lead to your child valuing wiser decisions.

Consider the following:

Encourage Thinking Ahead

Parent: “Before you make a decision, try to think about what might happen next. For example, if you choose to stay up late playing games, you might be too tired for school the next day. What do you think is the best choice?”

• Lesson: Helps children develop foresight by considering the consequences of their actions.

Ask Questions, Don’t Just Give Answers

Parent: “What do you think will happen if you share your toy? How would you feel if someone did the same for you?”

• Lesson: Teaches them to evaluate situations from different perspectives rather than just reacting impulsively.

Teach the Power of Pausing

Parent: “When you feel unsure or upset, it’s okay to pause for a moment before making a choice. Taking a deep breath can help you think more clearly.”

• Lesson: Encourages emotional regulation and thoughtful decision-making, rather than acting on impulse.

Model Wise Decision-Making

Parent: “I was going to buy this thing, but then I realized we don’t really need it right now. I’ll wait until we save more money, and if we still want it then, I’ll get it.”

• Lesson: Children learn from observing how their parents weigh options and make responsible choices.

Give Them Controlled Choices

Parent: “You can choose to do your homework now and have free time later, or you can play now and have less time for fun later. What do you think is the better choice?”

• Lesson: Provides practice with decision-making and lets them experience the outcomes of their choices in a safe, controlled environment.

Discuss Past Decisions

Parent: “Remember when you didn’t wear a jacket last time and got cold? How will you choose differently today when it’s chilly?”

• Lesson: Reflecting on past decisions helps children connect past experiences to better future choices.

Teach Problem-Solving Steps

Parent: “When you have to make a choice, try to follow these steps: 1) Identify the problem, 2) Think of possible solutions, 3) Consider what might happen with each solution, and 4) Make your choice.”

• Lesson: Provides a framework for making informed decisions and builds confidence in their ability to think through problems.

Explain the Impact of Peer Pressure

Parent: “Sometimes friends might ask you to do something that doesn’t feel right. It’s okay to say no if you think it’s not a good choice for you.”

• Lesson: Helps them understand the importance of staying true to their own values and making independent choices, even under pressure.

These examples help guide children in learning to pause, think, and consider the consequences of their actions, leading to wiser decision-making over time.

Teaching wisdom from an early age will lead your child to make and want decisions based on clear thinking and planned decision making. This will help them cope better with the rigours of adolescence, peer group pressure etc.

“Be a wise parent and teach your child the value of making wise decisions.”

— Gail J Smith

Teaching children about the value of making good choices

We can all choose to make choices that can either hinder or enlighten our lives. For example you can choose to have a go or you can choose to not have a go. We should encourage our children to learn the difference and to understand that when we make those choices they can affect our life in different ways.

Who we are is a result of the choices we make.

Consider the following ideas about the impact on a child when they make their own choices:

Promotes Responsibility: When children learn that their choices have consequences, they develop a sense of accountability. They understand that choosing to work hard or make responsible decisions directly impacts their success and happiness.

Builds Self-Confidence: Allowing children to make choices reinforces their belief in their own abilities. Whether they succeed or fail, knowing that they had the power to choose builds confidence in their decision-making skills.

Fosters Independence: By making their own decisions, children learn to rely on themselves instead of always seeking approval or guidance from others. This fosters independence and helps them navigate life with more confidence.

Develops Critical Thinking: When children are taught to weigh the pros and cons of their choices, they develop critical thinking skills. They learn how to assess situations, predict outcomes, and make thoughtful decisions rather than impulsive ones.

Supports Emotional Growth: Understanding that they have control over their actions and thoughts (e.g. choosing to think positively) helps children manage their emotions. They learn that their choices can influence how they feel and respond to situations, which is key to emotional resilience.

These lessons empower children to shape their lives with intention and self-awareness. Don’t forget to affirm them when you see positive outcomes from choices they make themselves.

“The more a child experiences positive outcomes from making good choices, the more insight they develop about themselves.”

— Gail J Smith