A Few wise thoughts about getting ready for Christmas

Now that school is finished and the family can concentrate on Christmas and holidays, consider making life as simple and uncomplicated as possible. Enjoy the change as a family unit and begin to remember why family is the key point about this season.

Consider:

Focus on Presence, Not Presents: Children will remember the moments you spend together, not the price tags. Make time for laughter, games and hugs

Keep It Calm and Simple: Don’t stress about creating the “perfect Christmas.” Kids love the small things—hot chocolate, movies, or building a snowman. They love the repetition of Christmas.

Share the Spirit of Giving: Involve children in small acts of kindness— donating a toy, baking for neighbours, or making handmade cards. It’s a gift for their hearts too.

Create Special Traditions: Whether it’s matching pyjamas, bedtime stories by

the tree, or a festive family walk, traditions make Christmas magical and memorable.

Let Kids Be Kids: Allow space for excitement, silliness, and mess. The joy of Christmas is in their smiles and giggles—so join in!

Try to be more relaxed and strengthen friendships and relationships. It is all good for the soul.

“Have yourself a very merry Christmas with all the family.”

— Gail J Smith

Holidays are a great time to reinvigorate relationships with your child

School is over soon for everyone and it is the one time in the year when families can find time together, be different, escape routine and veg out together. This is a time to remind ourselves that as a family we are strong and happy. It is a time to simply play and have fun and to forget about any burdens that have weighed you down this year.

Consider these thoughts that remind us why holiday are such an important time to reunite as a family.

Strengthens Bonds: Holidays provide uninterrupted time to connect, share laughs, and create cherished memories that strengthen family relationships.

Builds Traditions: Creating rituals like baking together or game nights fosters a sense of belonging and gives children something to look forward to every year.

Boosts Emotional Health: Spending quality time as a family reduces stress, enhances happiness, and helps everyone feel supported.

Teaches Values: Engaging in activities like volunteering or storytelling allows parents to pass on values and lessons in a fun, relaxed environment.

Recharges and Reconnects: Stepping away from daily routines allows everyone to reset, appreciate one another, and start fresh with stronger connections.

When everyone is starting to relax it is amazing how humour and laughter increases in a

house. May the jolly HO Ho of Santa permeate in all families over the next few weeks.

‘Tis the season to be jolly.’

Teaching children about the value of making good choices

We can all choose to make choices that can either hinder or enlighten our lives. For example you can choose to have a go or you can choose to not have a go. We should encourage our children to learn the difference and to understand that when we make those choices they can affect our life in different ways.

Who we are is a result of the choices we make.

Consider the following ideas about the impact on a child when they make their own choices:

Promotes Responsibility: When children learn that their choices have consequences, they develop a sense of accountability. They understand that choosing to work hard or make responsible decisions directly impacts their success and happiness.

Builds Self-Confidence: Allowing children to make choices reinforces their belief in their own abilities. Whether they succeed or fail, knowing that they had the power to choose builds confidence in their decision-making skills.

Fosters Independence: By making their own decisions, children learn to rely on themselves instead of always seeking approval or guidance from others. This fosters independence and helps them navigate life with more confidence.

Develops Critical Thinking: When children are taught to weigh the pros and cons of their choices, they develop critical thinking skills. They learn how to assess situations, predict outcomes, and make thoughtful decisions rather than impulsive ones.

Supports Emotional Growth: Understanding that they have control over their actions and thoughts (e.g. choosing to think positively) helps children manage their emotions. They learn that their choices can influence how they feel and respond to situations, which is key to emotional resilience.

These lessons empower children to shape their lives with intention and self-awareness. Don’t forget to affirm them when you see positive outcomes from choices they make themselves.

“The more a child experiences positive outcomes from making good choices, the more insight they develop about themselves.”

— Gail J Smith

Let’s look at some ways in which life can be easier for our working mums.

Mothers have a huge load on their shoulders when they work. Balancing all the family responsibilities and remaining calm and rested is a challenge. There is no easy answer, but it is worthwhile to reflect on how and what can make life a little easier. Parenting should not become an immense burden on top of managing home and work. Let’s look at some steps that could make it a little easier across those busy weeks of school.

• Prioritize and Delegate

Focus on what truly matters each day and learn to delegate tasks, whether at work or home. This could mean assigning age-appropriate chores to children or seeking help from a partner or family member for certain responsibilities.

• Embrace “Good Enough”

Let go of perfectionism. Not every task needs to be done flawlessly. Sometimes, it’s okay if things are simply “good enough.” This mindset can reduce stress and free up time.

• Meal Planning and Prep

Dedicate a bit of time on weekends to plan meals for the week and prepare ingredients in advance. This small investment can save a lot of time and stress on busy weeknights.

• Use Technology to Stay Organized

Leverage apps and tools for managing schedules, reminders, and to-do lists. Simple tools like shared family calendars or task management apps can help keep everyone on track and reduce mental load.

• Set Boundaries

Establish clear boundaries between work and personal time. This could mean setting specific work hours and sticking to them, or designating certain times in the day as phone-free, family time.

• Practice Mindful Breaks

Incorporate short, mindful breaks into the day, even if it’s jus 5-10 minutes. A quick walk, deep breathing, or a brief moment of meditation can refresh the mind and reduce stress, making it easier to tackle the next task.

Above all factor yourself into the week. Your personal care is necessary to keep the week functioning well. Never undervalue your need for personal time. Such is the oil that lubricates all the machinery that needs to be operating for a family to have an effective week.

“Try to find some balance and harmony to the busy week. This brings happiness and less feelings of being overwhelmed.”

— Gail Smith

Self Care Tips for Busy Parents

A tired parent will struggle to offer their best to their child. As a parent, remember that your well-being is important in managing all the roles you are asked to fill. The happier you feel about your own well-being, the better you will parent your child. Every busy day, there should be some space for yourself.

Here are nine suggestions to build your own personal well being package.

Mini Meditation Sessions

Make five minutes each day for a quick meditation session. Use a meditation app or simply sit quietly, focusing on your breath. Even short moments of mindfulness can reduce stress and improve mental clarity.

Prioritize Sleep

Establish a consistent bedtime routine and aim for quality sleep. Even if you can't get a full eight hours, prioritise rest by winding down with a book, reducing screen time before bed, and creating a calming sleep environment.

Move Your Body

Incorporate short bursts of physical activity into your day. A 10-minute walk, a quick yoga session, or a brief dance break with your kids can boost your mood and energy levels.

Delegate Tasks

Don't be afraid to ask for help or delegate tasks. Share household responsibilities with your partner or older children, and consider outsourcing certain chores if possible, such as grocery delivery or hiring a cleaner. Ask yourself the question, “does everything need to be done today?”

Enjoy a Hobby

Set aside a few minutes each day or week for an activity you love, whether it's reading, knitting, painting, or gardening. Engaging in a hobby can be a great way to relax and recharge.

Connect with Friends

Schedule regular catch-ups with friends, even if it's just a quick phone call or a virtual coffee chat. Maintaining social connections is important for emotional well-being and can provide a much-needed support system.

Practice Gratitude:

Spend a few minutes each day reflecting on what you're grateful for. Keeping a gratitude journal or simply noting three things you're thankful for can shift your focus to positive aspects of your life.

Take Micro-Breaks:

Throughout your day, take micro-breaks to stretch, breathe deeply, or simply step outside for a moment. These short pauses can help refresh your mind and reduce accumulated stress.

Develop a Sense of Humour.

When you laugh especially at yourself you feel better and begin to take things less seriously. This is great for your well being.

Mindfulness teaches us to focus on the moment and to enjoy the experience that we are living in at the time. By developing an optimistic outlook and celebrating the great work you are doing, rather than questioning what isn’t done well, will soften your feelings about yourself and enable you to savour the day.

Taking time to rest and recharge yourself makes you more attentive as a parent

-Gail J Smith

Let take a good look at why boredom can be a good thing

Our children at times are so overactive not to mention the incredible hours they put into their social media etc. If we can encourage our children to learn that less can sometimes be better and it can be quite a skill to learn how to do it.

Consider these ideas below that invite us to reflect on how healthy and positive, boredom can be in our life.

1. Creativity and Imagination:

   Boredom can spark creativity and imagination, leading to innovative problem-solving skills and a deeper appreciation for the arts. Just leave lots of magazines, interesting books and crayons around the house. Let their boredom discover what they can do.

2. Self-Discovery:

   Downtime without structured activities allows children to explore their interests and passions independently, uncovering hidden talents and hobbies. Let them roam through the garden, look outside the window etc. In order for them to be reflective, they need to just slow down

3. Resilience and Patience:

   Facing boredom can teach kids to be more patient and resilient when dealing with challenges or waiting for rewards in school and life. Sitting and waiting is something we all should learn to practice.

4. Enhanced Focus:

   Occasional boredom can improve a child's ability to concentrate, making them more effective at studying and completing assignments. We all need to learn patience and be prepared to wait our turn.

5. Stress Reduction:

   Unstructured time can reduce stress, anxiety, and the pressures of constant scheduling, benefiting a child's mental health and overall well-being. Don’t be anxious if schedules are not complete or you are late occasionally. Slowing down is healthy.

6. Quality Family Time: 

   Consider the importance of boredom in allowing for quality family time, during which parents and children can bond, have meaningful conversations, and create lasting memories. Idle conversations and no particular agenda when together can be a creative time for families.

7. Self-Directed Learning:

   Children can engage in self-directed learning during their unstructured moments, exploring topics that pique their curiosity and contributing to their academic growth. Teachers always give children unstructured time and it is well appreciated by the students.

Not filling every moment with activities allows the brain to slow down and recover from busy directions and messages. It also creates a wonderful space that can be filled by new thoughts, ideas and dreams.

‘Allow a little boredom into your child’s life and see how it works for them’

- Gail J Smith

Enjoyable reasons to rest and celebrate family after Christmas:

Enough is enough. You have had a busy year. Now it’s time to savour those rolling days of summer with your family. Consider the ideas below to enrich those family experiences.

Exploring New Adventures: Post-Christmas holidays are a perfect time for spontaneous adventures. It's like setting sail on an unplanned journey, discovering hidden gems in your own backyard or exploring nearby attractions. Find the new feeling to holidays.

Creating. Crafty Fun: Get crafty and unleash creativity with family projects. It's like an artsy workshop, where you turn leftover wrapping paper into handmade cards or transform pine cones into adorable decorations.

Appreciating Slow Mornings: Enjoy lazy mornings without rush or schedules. It's like savouring a hot cup of cocoa while wearing pyjamas until noon – relishing those precious moments of peacefulness. Simply slow down.

Reflecting on the year past: Have fun talking about the adventures, mishaps and funny moments of the last year. It is good to reflect as it helps you think about plans and goals for the new year.

Playing games together: When you are well rested you are more inclined to play together and enjoy those relaxed happy moments. You will laugh more and be a little mindful of the precious times you are spending together as a family.

“Roll out those lazy, hazy crazy days of Summer”

— Song by Nat King Cole

Nine Proactive Strategies for Fostering Mental Health in Children

Promoting mental health in children is of utmost importance, particularly in our current world.

Here are several insightful strategies that can be employed to nurture and sustain mental well-being in our young ones:

1. Demonstrate Positive Emotions: Being a consistent source of happiness and positivity around your child is critical. Let your joy radiate visibly, providing them with a secure feeling that everything is alright. Your smile can serve as a comforting reassurance.

2. Encourage Physical Activity: Exercise is known to boost mood and overall well-being. Engage in regular physical activities with your child and make it a family routine. This not only benefits their physical health but also their mental state.

3. Cultivate a Love for Music: Music has a profound impact on our emotions and can uplift the spirit. Incorporate a variety of music into your family life, utilising it as a background score to your everyday activities. This creates an ambience of positivity and serves as an effective stress reliever.

4. Foster Positive Associations: Direct your child's attention to the good things happening around them. Discuss amusing anecdotes, talk about jovial and optimistic individuals you know, and celebrate the positive aspects of life.

5. Promote Generosity: Demonstrate to your child the power of giving. Instilling a sense of generosity can enhance their mental well-being and give them a broader perspective on life. You can exemplify this through simple actions like donating toys they've outgrown.

6. Encourage Proper Rest: Adequate sleep is crucial for a child's mental and physical health. It helps their brain process the day's activities and sets them up for optimal performance the next day.

7. Teach Healthy Recreation: Equip them with various recreational activities like sports, reading, or simply relaxing. These pursuits can help them carve out mental space for themselves when needed. Your role modelling in this area is vital.

8. Cultivate a Sense of Humour: Encourage them to appreciate the lighter side of life. Too often we focus on the negatives or the potential risks, but teaching them to find humour can provide them with a more balanced view of life.

9. Nurture Social Relationships: Facilitate the presence of your child's friends in their lives. Friendships play a significant role in their social development, and your active involvement in fostering these relationships can be highly beneficial.
   
   Above all, it's crucial to create an environment where positivity thrives, life is cherished, and the world is perceived as a beautiful place to live. By being such a parent, you can positively shape your child's outlook and foster their mental health.

‘Life is always better with a smile on your face’

                    - Gail J Smith

Now after Mother's Day what is there to celebrate?

I say keep the party going by keeping your image above water.

The job of a mother is too complex to put in one sentence or paragraph. It is different for everyone and everyone will respond differently to being a mother. I believe there are some important thoughts you need to keep in mind as you enter the post-Mother’s Day period.

• You are human and this means you are allowed to make mistakes. In fact, your child will see the real you by being authentic. That’s all they want anyway.

• Being positive with your child all the time is hard work, so if you need a break from being a mum for a short while, take it. In the longer run, you will feel better and be happier. More content women make better mums.

• Don’t be too hard on yourself when the day doesn't work out the way you wanted it to. Sometimes, our children will be disappointed and that’s OK. They need to see and learn about the real world, that it doesn’t entirely revolve around them!

• Plan each day with yourself included. This could be just a short walk or sipping tea on your own. You have a right to feel content throughout the day.

• Remember that you don't have to do everything around the house. The more independent you make your children by giving them jobs, the better they will develop independent skills.

• Friends and chats have a great healing capacity. Make sure you allow personal time for chats with good friends throughout the week.

• Little treats help to keep up the spirits. Discover a treat that makes you feel good and build it in occasionally. Don’t feel guilty. Children need to see that you need nurturing as well.

• Remember that you are working hard to be the best mum. That means that you don’t need to knock yourself out all the time to prove it. Slow and steady nurturing parenting does the job. In the longer term, this is what is remembered and valued.

• Your child loves you for who you are. You don't need to keep justifying why you do the things you do, this can get very tiring. Just be content that you are a work in progress as a great mum. That’s good enough.

 Finally, keep up your dignity. Tired mums often feel lowly about themselves. A little lipstick and powder and the right t-shirt can lift the spirits for the day.

 Happy Mother’s Year 2023-2024.

Do you ever feel like you have hit rock bottom as a parent?

We all have those moments and sometimes they turn into hours!

In my work as a school principal, I was always noticing the major changes and adjustments that families made as time went on. Crisis can hit, but as time went on, circumstances shifted and new life came into what were very difficult situations.

Fear is often an issue with parents when they think about the worst-case scenario. They think about the dreaded, ‘What if’ factor. This can become quite a preoccupation. It can cloud common sense responses to situations and can limit a parent’s ability to open their minds to options.

Here are some ideas to keep you going and to remind you that being human, making mistakes, etc. is all part of parenting:

• Nothing is permanent. If you have a crisis or just hitting rock bottom, it will pass. Time has a way of shifting the ebbs and flows of life experiences. Everything has its season.

• Children keep changing and evolving. Their thoughts and ideas keep shifting and their needs and demands will change as we, the parents, change with them. Therefore, worrying unduly or overthinking about one issue is pointless. Sometimes preoccupying ourselves can mean the problem just disappears, without any of our interference.

• The problems children have are children’s problems, so I recommend putting things into perspective and worrying less. Children’s problems come and go and they often take charge of them themselves. Everything of course within reason.

• Your children will surprise you! When it comes, enjoy the challenge and try not to become anxious about its implications.

• If you are getting tired from just parenting, perhaps you are working at it too hard. Are you overthinking matters? Perhaps you are demanding too much control? Some of the best parenting I have seen came from relaxed and easy-going people who were quite happy to let things just be at times and not interfere too much with their children’s issues. Simply having a presence can at times be enough.

• Don’t forget to not lose yourself in parenting. Allow some time for yourself to develop who you are. The happier you are as a person in your own right, the better you will be as a parent. Think about exercising or doing some activity that gives you joy. Permit yourself to be a parent that makes room for yourself.

• If you are feeling overwhelmed, learn to reduce the pressure. Find ways to cut back on planned activities or slow down from adding to the list of things to do. Your child wants you as a happy parent, not a fatigued parent. Less is better when it all gets too much!

• Be honest with your child. If you are tired tell them. If you haven't the time to do what is requested, talk about it. Your child needs to learn and understand your limits. Be authentic with them and they will appreciate your honesty. This is how they learn empathy, compassion and tolerance. This is also about setting responsible boundaries that support your needs.

• If you are hitting a low point, seek out friends and companions that have a similar journey. A lot can be gained by having such a support group to call on. We all need to rely on others. Parenting has been around since the cavemen.

• Sometimes saying less when things get heated is the best way not to overcomplicate situations and tire yourself out. We often try to be available and solve situations on the run. Saying less and even silence at times creates some emotional respite which can be a calming time.

• If discipline is needed, are you the one to deal with it if you are not in the right space? Perhaps delay discipline if you are not able to deal with it at the time. You need to be well and in a good mental space to be disciplining children.

• Try not to be critical of yourself as a parent. You are doing the best you can. Don’t compare yourself to others. You can go into dangerous emotional spaces when you do this comparison. Your child loves and values you for who you are, warts and all so keep up with just loving your child and doing your best. By the way, I have never met a perfect parent!

 Finally play often with your child. The more you play, the less intense you are and that greater feeling of being connected to your child tends to wash away some of those feelings of it all being too much. Play is a wonderful healing agent. We all need to play from time to time.

         ‘Self care is turning some of the nurturing energy you give to your child, towards yourself.’

                                                                       -Kristi Yeh LMFT

Slow down and gain more time. It makes for better parenting and personal growth

There are so many varied reasons why slowing down is almost impossible when living a busy life as a parent etc. However, should you learn some skills to slow down, who knows, you may regain some precious parent or personal time. In small ways, it may be possible to reclaim some time and to enjoy your child just a little bit more. Childhood moves quickly and soon we will be looking back and wondering where did the years go, did I parent well? What did I miss?

The following thoughts may trigger some thinking for yourself in finding strategies that can simply help slow you down a little to smell the roses with your child:

• When feeling stressed, take your mind to a place where you were very happy. Think about it for a while and you will be surprised how it eases some tension.

• Think about the pace that you keep. If others demand more of you, consider if that it’s fair and reasonable. Why should I change my pace which works for me? Everything has their pace in life. Be comfortable with yours.

• Take little moments of time out. Step into the yard, look at the flowers or simply enjoy the breeze. Those moments are great to reduce moments of stress.

• Try not to over plan. Leave some space, just for space itself. It certainly is easy to fill, but question is that really necessary?

• Your children are a great source of learning for you. The more you play with them, the more you become relaxed in their company. Allow it to just happen and enjoy the moment.

• Physical exercise is such a stress breaker. Even simply walking is life giving and takes your mind in fresher and healthier directions. Choose physical exercise that suits you.

• When we worry about something it can consume us. Let me ask you….. can you just let it go? Does worrying improve the situation? Do things change for the better when you worry? When you have those feelings simply look to your child. They are a warm, happy feeling.

• Are there some times when you can just stop the business and rest. Turn down the lights a little and reduce the pace. It can feel better because there is less.

• Some people like being busy with their hands and finding creative things to do. Giving time to chat with friends is a great stress buster. What do you like to do that makes you happy?

• Is it possible to give your self a full day off? How about half a day? Find a little more time for yourself not to do busy things but to enjoy yourself in your own space.

• Sometimes doing less and focusing on doing those things really well gives us more satisfaction. Being busy and doing more is a formula for lack of satisfaction in all areas.

• Are you tired from lots of talk? Busy conversations can be tiring and it is healthy to rest from talking. Maybe you can find some time to talk less, listen to music, walk etc.

• Think about two or three things that give you pleasure. Can you spend more time around those things. Be generous to yourself. Everyone likes a massage, but we can massage our sense of well being by having more of what makes us happy.

• Parents develop excellent skills in feeling guilty if they put themselves forward. This can be so destructive to well being, which after all, needs to be strong and constant to be an effective parent. Your personal well being is essential.

Finally, your child wants you well and happy. They become quite anxious when they see you unsettled and under pressure. They need to understand that your needs should be nurtured and that being a parent is balancing act between focusing on family and looking after yourself. That way everyone learns and benefits all round.

          ‘The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one                                             thought over another.’

                                                                                  -William James

Keeping the stress level down is a great asset as a parent

Have you noticed that parenting, being an active person and managing a family can be stressful? Stress is a very natural part of everyone’s life.

Here’s the thing! You will be a more effective parent if you can learn to lessen the stress that can so easily creep into your life. Also, you will feel happier, which is such an important component in the business of being a parent. Your body is not meant to be on alert in a constant crisis mode, as unrelieved stress can impair so much of your faculties.

Think about how the following skills which can be gradually learnt or built into your daily routine. At the very least understand them as common factors that can increase stress levels.

Consider:

• Are you quick to respond to stress? Do your reactions to stressful situations increase or reduce your feelings of well-being? Is it best to remove yourself from some situations to reduce the stress in your life? Sometimes it’s best to read the signs and walk away from such situations leaving yourself in control.

• Are you a person that is always in a rush? Is that rush all about succeeding, doing the right thing or just trying to be in control? Remember, too much rush can mean you stop listening and miss the best part of life.

• Are you inclined to make issues bigger than they are? Easily done when gossip and unhealthy discussion is around. Try to put things into proportion. In time, everything passes and all will be well.

• Are you inclined to be a perfectionist? Striving for perfection is exhausting and never satisfying especially around children. Start to accept and appreciate that life is all about ups and downs and this is normal.

• When there are anxious times do you need to handle them on your own? Try asking for help and building confidence to ask for the help you need. You do not need to fight battles on your own.

• When you are compassionate, you are more aware and sensitive of others. This can lower your feelings of stress. Feelings of compassion and gratitude take you into a more gentle and appreciative framework.

• Recognise the negative self-talk which can creep up when feeling poorly. This is especially the case when you are feeling tired. Keep feeding yourself positive “I” Statements.

‘I am really good at….’

‘I am talented at…..’

‘People like my….’

Focus on how you are an achiever.

You don’t need everyone’s approval nor do you need to please everyone. Take care to understand why you feel tired trying to please everyone.

• It’s a well known support for stress but it works. When feeling anxious simply take slow deep breaths. Allow the time and feel stronger from the silence and pace of the breathing.

• Mindfulness is all about savouring the goodness of the moment. A focus on this can distract from the moment of anxiety.

• Be mindful that you need to create some personal interruption free time. This gives you time to simply catch up.

• Try physical exercise on a regular basis. Simply walking daily is so therapeutic.

• Do something creative for yourself each day. Your spirit is lifted when being creative.

• Take a walk into nature. Feel the wind. It lifts the spirit. Keep nature close at hand. It’s such a friend to the spirit.

• Humour is a great healer. Find laughter and humour in your daily experiences.

 These are all ideas to help you work on reducing stress. Your child will quickly recognise you are working to control stress to be a happier person. This is all good modelling. Remember we are human and our best efforts as parents are to provide a model of a parent working towards feeling and being better.

Let’s talk about some advantages of boredom

We have always been encouraged to chase boredom away as it is a sign of inactivity and sometimes can be linked to developing laziness.

Let’s start thinking that sometimes boredom can be a necessary and useful part of our life and well-being. It is an emotion that research is now saying is necessary in some way for our health.

With children, we fear inactivity and believe that boredom will make them disengaged from the real world. Therefore, it is common practice as parents to fill their days with busy activities and to keep their minds active with sports, hobbies, etc. There is something we now know for simply sitting alone with your thoughts and feelings.  The question that modern studies are posing:

        ‘Is there a problem with nothing happening as opposed to having things happen all the time?’

• Teachers know well that when there is an overload of activities, work demands etc., in the classroom just having some time to sit and do what you like or not is important for balance. In such a free space, children can or may choose not to do anything. They are allowed well being space which is interpreted by them to suit themselves. No judgement is placed on how they use that time.

• Consider giving your child some down time that is all their own and allow them the mental freedom to simply be. Set no expectations other than it’s a time to unwind without technology television etc.

• Turn off the television one night and just let your child entertain themselves before bed. Being locked in their own thoughts is not a bad thing. It gives them time to simply think.

• Consider watching the grass grow with your children. Nature walks are great for this. Feel the sensations of wind and heat on your face and talk about the sights and sounds around you. Simply being silent in such a space also has its advantages. Let the silence in and feel the difference.

• Sometimes just a wander around the shops with your child merely looking and being curious, letting your imagination roll on is valuable idle time.

• We know that walking has such physical benefits but it also has mental benefits. Encourage your child to enjoy walks. Also riding their bikes, skating etc are great times for wandering thoughts.

• Listening to music is an easy one for a child.  Encourage them to listen to their music sometimes with headsets and sometimes just as background music. Idle thoughts and concepts sometimes cross your mind in listening to music.

• Doodling is another idle activity but one where thoughts wander and the brain is not having heavy expectations placed on it. Children love to doodle and to think simple thoughts with no expectations placed on them. This can be such a creative time.

• Art activities such as play dough, sandpits, baking etc. are all times where a child can simply be without expectations placed on them. From such idleness comes new thoughts and dreams.

• When your child says that they are bored use some of these occasions to suggest just having a quiet time with no real plan for a little while. Encourage a little of this from time to time.

If we use boredom as a wind down time, a time for just letting thoughts fly around, we will be surprised at the creative thinking that goes on in our head. We can reflect on matters that perhaps we have not thought of for a while.

Be a little like Einstein loaf around in your head and see what grows from that.

 ‘If you want freedom you have to come to terms with being okay in the now doing nothing.’

                                                                                - Doug Duncan

Just going with the flow could be the best option

We all like our sense of organisation and certainly. Being in control gives us a feeling of security and no doubt provides stability for the children. Having said all this, I believe that this year we may need to be more flexible and learn to go with the flow a little more.

Accepting that this flow will change as our pandemic twists and turns into different challenges may be the safest route to follow. After all, if we remain rigid in how we organise our lives, we will only experience disappointment and this will add to diminishing your mental health.

Schools have learnt over the past two years to be more flexible with timetables and to plan for the unexpected. This has taken its toll on the staff and school community, but they are now aiming to be one step ahead of pandemic changes. Also, they have educated themselves on the implications of the virus and how to best provide for children’s safety. So, the new norm is all about setting and resetting new directives that fit into a more flexible world. Schools see change as a normal part of life and so too do the children.

Be open to chaos and embrace its freedom. It is amazing the wisdom that will flow.

Consider the following thoughts to encourage reflection on an easier flowing year.

• If you are a long-term planner, such as planning by terms, allow some flexibility with that or at least have in the back of your mind how you can adjust.

• Talk to your children about how planning from time to time may need restructuring which ultimately improves the status quo. After all, you may have a set route to travel in your car but on occasions rerouting is necessary.

• Read the news that gives us a clear update of any changes or planned Government changes. This will help you make better-informed decisions on how you as a family operate.

• Take care not to be too publicly negative about unsettling news.  Children need the truth, but it can be framed in a way that implies the situation created will ultimately strengthen our knowledge and management of the virus. After all, no matter what you think, people are generally trying to make things better. It is in our nature to improve our situations and science has shown some extraordinary developments in such a short time.

• On your family calendar when you hear of something positive happening such as the arrival of RAT kits for everyone, record it on the calendar. It is such a positive sign for children that good things are happening. Strange that we may be recording such a situation, but times are different and our new norm requires a rethink of what we value.

• Children are surprisingly very versatile. As we grow older, we become more rigid in our thinking. We become more secure in what we know that has been tried and tested. Talk to your children about how you are open to being more flexible and invite them to make suggestions, especially when things need to change. They are creative individuals who need to use their creativity, especially in today’s unstable world. Let them in on your planning.

Finally, we all like a little control over our life and yet chaos brings new challenges and lifts our horizons in many ways. It refreshes our thinking and cognitively enlivens our thinking process. Be open to chaos and embrace its freedom. It is amazing the wisdom that will flow.

‘Problems disappear when we are willing to be flexible.’

-Roxanne Jones

The holiday- a time to simply let go and what does it mean for when we return to normality?

If we were to evaluate how different we feel in holidays we would surprise ourselves. Do you notice how more patient and tolerant you can be? Do you also recognise in yourself how problems seem to be less and everyone in the household does not seem to be on edge? Such a relaxed situation seems to change, once routine and work enter the picture.

This blog is all about capturing some of those warm and happy holiday feelings and consider placing them in your normal day to day life. Imagine taking some of that wonderful holiday feeling and transferring it into your daily routine. It’s possible, but it does require working at it and setting a few simple goals.

          Consider:

• Have you enjoyed being happier with the family in holidays and perhaps less stressed or worried about the little things that go wrong? If so, consider adopting a less stressed feeling at home for the whole year.

• Do you find that at home you can be short of patience especially when you are tired and the business of work is back? Try allowing more time to pass when things go wrong rather than seeking instant resolution.

• Start noticing all the great fun things you love about your child. Often in holidays, these seem to be clear and we enjoy each other a lot more. Bring that holiday happy feeling into the home. Keep noticing your child’s gifts and this will slow down feelings of disappointment when they come.

• When we are back at home and school has started, there is a sense of needing to get better and performing as best we can. Competition enters the scene. There is a subtle but real set of expectations with your child that creep in once school has started. Try to put less emphasis on the need to perform, but rather feel happy to celebrate what they are doing. The outcomes will still be great.

• In holiday time we seem to be less aware of simple mistakes. We are more relaxed and think less about errors. Can you bring some of that feeling into your post-holiday home? The more you create a home where there is less stress and reduced focus on correctness, the happier the environment.

• When on holiday we tend to speak in less harsh tones to each other. The world seems more at peace. We relax more and enjoy simpler less complicated situations. Is it possible to bring that style of speaking into your home so that there is less damage in the words used?

• I imagine there has been more spontaneous laughter over the holidays. Keep it up at home and enjoy a happier space throughout the year. Laughter feeds into a healthy mindset for everyone.

• With holidays we treasure the time we have together. Is it possible to build in personal time together once the children are back at school? Was it so difficult to slow down and could that feeling of working at a slower pace be adopted at home?

Holidays give us such opportunities to enjoy our family in a whole new way. If we can reflect on what worked so well in our family, is it possible to bring some of that holiday feeling into your daily routine when life goes back to normal? Can we see that holiday experience as part of the way we really want to live all the time?

‘If you want your children to be educated read them fairy tales.

If you want them to be more intelligent read them more fairy tales’

Albert Einstein

Five great tips to help our kids and ourselves in these difficult times

1. Are you someone that tries hard to make everything right all the time? If this is the case you must be on overdrive during the lockdown. I would say quite exhausted. Try easing off a little. Are there things you can simply not do? These are unusual times and require unusual approaches.  A little less can be better.

We have all said that we are in a new norm. Consider putting less pressure on yourself by not demanding as much from yourself and the children. Accept that the world has changed. Less mental clutter from expecting too much will ease the tension for everyone. Mental clutter comes from too much to think about without eliminating any of the worries on your mind.

2. When exercising with the kids, try setting little goals.

‘Today we will ride to the park and tomorrow will we will cycle a bit further around the creek”.

Here it is all about shifting the goal posts a little and motivating the children to do better and achieve a little more. It certainly gets the enthusiasm going for everyone. We all need something like a small challenge to get us motivated.

3. Children thrive on routine and feel so secure when they know what is happening. Put a set plan into the day with school work, lunch, etc. all planned. At the end of the day, it is recreation and fun time. It certainly is a motivator for the children. Involve them in the plan and assess how it all went after the day or the week. They will feel comfortable and secure with the routine and look forward to their free time to stretch their legs.

4. Unclutter. Keep the day simple and the house even simpler. The more we clutter, the more we think we have things to do. When you break away from the house for a walk etc. note how things just fade away.

5. Now is not a time to be extraordinarily disciplined and in control of everything. There is enough mental discipline coming from our lockdown instructions. Loosen up a little and enjoy the experience of just being family. Afterall it is such an extraordinary time to be together. Try and savour this time which will never come back again in the same format. Treasure it.

“Tough times don’t last. But tough people do.”

— Robert H. Schuller

Don’t forget: You the career need nurture.

As we enter into our new norm, post coronavirus, how are you a parent and carer coping? There will be change all around us. Some we cannot control and other aspects we may have some control over. Think about how you are entering this new norm and ensure that it includes your wellbeing. The carer needs to be cared for.

Sometimes as a parent we go on overdrive to ensure that our children have all their needs met and this overdrive can make us quite irritable and out of sorts. Notice the signs in yourself as you get back to normal routines. Are you getting tired now that the situation has changed? Are you also getting enough sleep and personal space to ensure that you are as balanced as possible in how you manage your children?

In working with children and in meeting regularly with parents, it became very clear that a tired parent was not a good listener to their children and sometimes had feelings of being quite inadequate in their parenting. This often had a spiralling down effect and the child quickly picked up on the vulnerable state of the parent. This then fuelled anxiety in the child which sometimes manifested in very poor behaviour.

The more vulnerable and less satisfied the parent, the greater propensity for unsettled behaviour in the child.

Don’t forget. You matter too.

I hear you say that there is the plight of the parent.

Consider the following tips on keeping your own life in check which also includes a good dose of happiness.

• In each day where does, the “you” time fit in? This could only be ten minutes but some personal time makes us all feel mentally rested.

• Look at the balance of the week with all the timetable and activities set. Can anything change to make your life easier? Remember this may mean sacrificing some aspect of your child’s planned week. However, it is necessary to include your needs in the weeks.

• It is important to let your child see how you value some personal time. Have this conversation with them:

“Today I will go to bed earlier as I need some time just to read my book. Please help with the clean up after dinner.”

• Do you connect well with friends? Conversations between friends especially those in the same situation can remind you that you are all in a busy time of your life. Ensure that these are positive chats and not just ones to bring you down. Avoid the negative talk as it can be quite destructive.

• Bring laughter into your life often. I know one woman that watches 30 minutes of the comedy show a day just to have a laugh and feel better. When you need to address issues with your child, consider how you feel, try to talk about matters when you are less tired and reactive.

• Take a walk often. Even a short one around the neighbourhood. Fresh air lifts the spirit and creates some personal space.

• Do you have a passion? It could be reading, jogging, the gym etc. Ensure that this is a regular part of your week and try not to reduce this precious time because of busy circumstances. Ensure you let the children know how important this time is to you.

• Ensure that around the house are important objects that make you feel better. Photos are great. Flowers enlighten the day, cups of tea are easily accessible.  Keep your running gear close at hand. It is all about ensuring the home also is your comfort station and not a working family space.

• Catching up with friends for short intervals can also lift the spirits. It is amazing how short intervals of feeling better can generally improve your mood.

• Leave messages around the house to remind you about things that are important to you. On the fridge mention your gym days. In the bedroom have your book etc. near the bed. Keep your runners near the door.

• Giving yourself visual images of what is important to you, lift the spirit and raise the importance of the activity in the life of the family.

These thoughts are about ensuring that you matter. The more you raise the family’s awareness of the importance of having your special time, the more the family understands that care is for everyone and everyone feeds off each other’s care.

“Be there for others but never leave yourself behind.”

— Dodinsky

So, let’s talk about mental health.

We are talking quite a lot about the mental health of our children especially during these difficult times living through the pandemic. There is no doubt that anxiety can be present all around us in varying ways. The news, negative discussion amongst family members, statistics every day and so the list goes on to suggest that mounting anxiety can occur.

Your child will, of course, be processing all the news they hear. They will also read the signs you give them through your concerns and let us not forget the very visible presence of wearing masks each day. The mere fact that they are working from home and online presents its own worries and is another example of how isolating it is as a way of life.

We cannot dismiss the above,  but we can put in place certain behaviours and actions that help a child cope during these difficult times. It is all about finding strong coping skills during these difficult times.

Consider the following which I believe may have some ideas for you to consider in reducing some anxiety for your child.

We are talking quite a lot about the mental health of our children especially during these difficult times living through the pandemic.

• Be happy. Show them some optimistic news such as the numbers reducing. A smile makes such a difference. It is a great feel-good tool.

• Talk about the wonders of modern science and how a vaccine will be developed that will combat the pandemic.

• Keep busy. Idol time has a way of inflating anxiety.

• Set up a schedule where you all are aware of how the day will be spent. Ensure that it is variable and the child has to focus on different directions throughout the day.  The more you shift and change thinking, the more rethinking is necessary for the child.

• Put into it elements of surprise to keep them guessing.

• Play a lot and laugh a lot. There is so much humour to be found with and around children.

• Watch humorous movies that bring the family together and show the funny side of life. This, of course, includes reducing individual time with intense computer games.

• Is there a significant family project that you can work on? For example, can they paint their bedroom with assistance? Are they able to make a go-cart? Projects that take time and effort can be so much fun. They are impressive because of their scale.

• Read more stories to your child. Is there a family time when everyone reads together?

• I have mentioned before the value of playing together. Here I add the value of being physical together. This could be playing football, soccer etc. Contact games are a wonderful way to disconnect from problems. The physical exercise releases all the necessary chemicals to genuinely feel better.

• Playing music that you can share together and dance for some families can be a great release.

The suggestions are just a few ideas. Think about what makes your family happy and focus on building that happiness up on a regular basis.

“What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candor, more unashamed conversation.”

— Glenn Close

Emptiness can be a virtue

With all that is going on at the moment parents are actively filling hours with busy activities and ensuring some of these hours have an educational basis to them. It is easy to feel that emptiness is a waste of time and a chance for real idleness to step in. Here we are challenging this thought. How much responsibility do we have as competent parents to fill in those busy hours for our children?

Our children live very busy lives both in and outside coronavirus times. As parents, we become focussed on ensuring that time is well spent and that by the end of the day, we can justify significant hours in useful exercises. I understand that a busy, active mind keeps idle fingers at bay.

Here I am also suggesting that creating space where children can create their own entertainment etc. can also be seen as a valuable tool. Busy people need breaks. A child needs time to think about what drives them in interests and what keeps them happy. Yes, I appreciate that distractions such as social media, television etc. can be a problem. I also believe that a child simply needs space to think freely and not be controlled by what we, the parents think is a valuable use of time.

Have you ever watched how free and engaged children are on the beach? We do not interrupt their play and enjoy seeing them just engage with nature and be happy in themselves. Here I am suggesting we bring that beach feeling into our home and legitimise the feeling that spare, independent time is acceptable and valued.

Often, we tend to be judgemental of how they use spare time. If they are not active, we think they are wasting valuable time. Sometimes just having spare time gives a child a chance to catch their breath and reflect on what they next want to do. Such spare time is undirected and is simply in the hands and control of the child. As parents, I suggest we are not critical of how they use that time and this gives them the freedom to feel that what they choose to do is totally up to them.

Think about ourselves. When we have spare time, do we want to be advised about how best to use that time? Often it is simply a chance to mentally enjoy respite from the busy days. Similarly, children deserve the right to have some time to themselves. It is a time to clear the head. It is all about just being a child and that may involve activities but also it may involve just a quiet time. It is a time for a brain rest. It is not about filling free time with busy activities.

Teachers often set free time in classrooms and they place no expectations on children. They see this time as an occasion to break from the pressures of the day and restore mental health before resuming activities. This can mean creating a vacancy in thinking which is quite refreshing before starting new work.

When working with children, I was very conscious of tapping into what the day had been for the child. If it had been very busy and overstimulating, I was reluctant to start conversations, especially towards the end of the day. The child needs mental respite from busy activities. Best to talk about matters when the child is mentally refreshed and interested.

In today’s world, we talk a lot about mindfulness and the readiness of people to take ownership of their own emotions by being at peace. I believe that creating a space that enables a person to mentally rest from stress or business helps restore a healthy more open attitude.

Similarly, a child needs mental space and the more we introduce and value their right to have it, the more emotionally capable they are in resolving matters. In this area, I believe they are no different from adults.

Consider the following:

• Morning is generally better to talk about matters if the child is refreshed and their thoughts uncluttered.

• Tiredness is not a time to talk about complicated issues. If you give your child some time to empty their mind, they are more receptive to listening with understanding.

• A child that values some mental space develops great habits in being mentally healthy. They grow to value their own sense of personal emptiness. They see it as an opportunity to feel mentally refreshed.

Never underestimate the value of creating some mental space for children. They have a right to own this space for themselves.

“Mental health is not a destination, but a process. It’s about how you drive, not where you’re going.”

— healthyplace.com

A child needs mental space and the more we introduce and value their right to have it, the more emotionally capable they are in resolving matters. In this area, I believe they are no different from adults.

What’s wrong with a little downtime in our life?

Are we fearful of hearing the words, “I’m bored”?

As parents, we work harder to provide plenty of busy activities for our children, especially after school and much of this is often sports. What we need to consider is building in downtime. Call it what you like, but giving the child idle time to simply be and to find their own way, without direction, is important for their emotional development.

If they choose to use it in a constructive way, parents always feel better. However, sometimes it is valuable for a child to simply be and to just enjoy some idol space. We all need to create balance in our life. Finding balance will only come when a child learns to understand that less focussed times are equally important.

Teachers when planning their agenda for the day often include free time. This is where no demands are placed on the child and they are free to do what suits them. There is no judgement made on how they use their time at all. This free time creates healthy mental spaces between busy learning activities. It gives the child a chance to immerse themselves in their own thoughts and direct their own actions. Children love these times in the classroom.

In working with children who seemed quite stressed, it was common to invite them into my office and just let them be with whatever toys or activities were present. Sometimes they would just sit and enjoy the space of being in the office while I continued typing etc. It was just about creating a peaceful non threatened moment where they focussed on their thoughts.

Many of the self-disciplines such as yoga, mindfulness, meditation etc. focus on finding yourself in your own headspace. As parents, we tend to think that we need to fill those spaces with busy activities or at least advise our children as to how they could employ their spare time.

Here are some suggestions to help set the scene at home for some downtime.

Here are some suggestions to help set the scene at home for some downtime.

• Let your child know that you enjoy downtime in your life and discuss how you find that time.

• Look at the set up at home. Are there quiet spaces that the child can find to be on their own. Consider the surrounding noises.

• Let the child situate their toys, Lego etc in a comfortable accessible space. This demonstrates that you are happy for them to engage with these spontaneously as they are quite visible. Try not to lock them up all in the child’s bedroom. Finding downtime can be in different parts of the house.

• I appreciate that television can be seen as downtime but monitor that this is only seen as one aspect of downtime.

• If your child enjoys being outside, set it up so that they can find themselves absorbed in outdoor activities. There is nothing more mentally refreshing than jumping on trampolines, bouncing balls, shooting for goals, skipping, digging in small sandpits etc. Children can really lose themselves in outdoor recreation.

• Set up routines at home to ensure that downtime is factored in. This could be that every week you decide as a family to simply have downtime. Invite the child into planning the routine of downtime.

• Talk as a family about what downtime can look like for different members of the family. What is important here is the conversation about how the family values downtime.

This article is primarily reminding us that downtime is a wellness component and should be valued as an important part of family life.

Downtime refreshes the spirit, clears the mental cobwebs and charges the emotional battery, ready for more active engagement with life.

“Time isn’t the main thing. It is the only thing.”

— Miles Davis