Helping your child navigate social challenges at school

There will always different forms of social challenges at school. There is no denying it and when your child navigates those occasions well, they grow both in intellectual and social maturity. Here are some ideas to support them:

1. Teach Effective Communication:

   Role-play with your child to practice different communication scenarios, such as how to ask for help, express their feelings, or resolve conflicts with classmates. Teach them how to express an ‘I’ statement that clearly states their feelings.  For example: “I am sad that… I am unhappy when you….”

2. Encourage Empathy and Kindness:

   Discuss real-life situations with your child where empathy made a difference, like helping a friend who was feeling sad or being inclusive during group activities. Also your modelling in demonstrating empathy and kindness are so important.

3. Promote Social Skills Development:

   Enrol your child in extracurricular activities like drama, art, or team sports to improve their social skills, teamwork, and cooperation. Regularly engagement in sports and other group activities also teaches self discipline, learning to accept disappointments etc.

4. Provide Problem-Solving Strategies:

   Share the "STOP" strategy with your child (Stop, Think, Options, Pick one), which can help them make thoughtful choices when faced with social challenges. Also teach about negotiation and resolving conflicts where compromise and understanding are included.

5. Foster Resilience:

   When your child encounters setbacks or rejection, discuss the importance of learning from failures and trying again, emphasising that challenges are opportunities for growth. Talk about famous people who have experienced failure in their efforts to be successful.

6. Open Lines of Communication:

   Create a safe and non-judgmental environment at home for your child to share their experiences and concerns about school. Regularly ask open-ended questions like, "How was your day?" to encourage conversation. Remember that in being non-judgmental your child will feel safe in talking about matters that are on their mind.

Encourage your child to be an optimistic and to feel that they can overcome social issues that they `come across. Let them learn (from the above suggestions) that there are many ways and means to work through social challenges. Of course the more personally confident a child becomes the easier the process of working more confidently through social challenges.

‘Promise me you’ll always remember:

you’re braver than you believe,

 and stronger than you see,

and smarter that you think.

- Christopher Robin

Nurturing Your Child's Well-Being: A Guide for Parents to Cultivate Hope and Resilience

In the whirlwind of modern parenting, nurturing a child’s well-being has taken on new dimensions. With the challenges children face today, from academic pressures to social media’s influence, fostering their mental and emotional health has never been more important. As a parent, you play a pivotal role in guiding and supporting your child on this journey towards well-being. Here are some strategies and insights to help you in this enriching yet sometimes challenging endeavour.

1. Encourage Open Communication

   Communication is the cornerstone of understanding your child's world. Create an environment where your child feels safe to express their thoughts and emotions. Such an environment will give your child the liberty to talk freely and to feel that their opinions and ideas are valued. This environment places no judgement and is open to listen at all times

2. Foster a Supportive Environment

   Children flourish when they feel supported. Whether it's a difficult maths problem or a problem with a friend, show your child that you're there to offer guidance and encouragement.  Achievements are to be celebrated as much as the effort that is put into activities. Such a supportive environment is also one that makes a child feel safe being around reliable and trusted people.

3. Prioritise Mental and Physical Health

   A healthy mind resides in a healthy body. Encourage regular physical activity, nutritious meals, and adequate sleep. There many ways to work on mental and physical health and your modelling is very important here. A child needs to see that you value your own good health and well being. Talk about healthy ideas and associate with environments that nourish positive thinking about eating well and living well.

4. Instil Resilience and Coping Skills

   Life is full of ups and downs, and teaching your child to navigate these fluctuations is a priceless gift. Resilience is such a key catalyst in building emotional maturity. Teach your child how failure can be a positive growth curve and that we learn best by taking risks and having a go. Putting ourselves in challenging situations is also another way of learning resilience.

5. Set Realistic Expectations

   While it's natural to want the best for your child, it's crucial to set realistic expectations. Each child is unique and has their own pace of development. It is most important to learn about balance and to recognise what is a realistic challenge for your child. Take care that they set goals that are within reach. Progressive success along the way is the best form of encouragement.

6. Lead by Example

   Children often emulate the behaviours they observe in their parents. Show them how you handle stress, make decisions, and maintain a positive outlook. Being a model can be tiring and so your child simply wants your honest efforts put forward. Be authentic, when you make a mistake be honest about it but let your child know how you keep trying.

Well being is a life long journey of discovery about yourself. As a parent you have the joy of being such an important part of their early well being. You cannot be  perfect in this area in fact if you try too hard you will wear yourself out and feel frustrated by your lack of achievements. Simply be yourself and take care to provide a climate that is inviting and welcoming to your growing child.

‘A happy home is full of grace and well being’

- Gail J Smith

Judging people can have a powerful influence on our children

Are we prone to making quick judgements of people? I would add, are we very vocal about our observations of others? The delicate question that I raise here is how much do we influence our children on the judgements we make of others?

It is natural to have opinions and often this comes from a life lived with increasing knowledge around and about people. If we find ourselves quite opinionated about people are we in full possession of the facts? This blog is just to remind us that young eyes and ears are around and it is not difficult for your judgements to become their judgements. After all, at an early age, they trust your opinions.

What in fact is life-giving for our children is to be open to all kinds of people and to look for the best and not the worst of people. Having such a disposition is very attractive to others and is encouraging a more peaceful, mature way of being.

At school, teachers can see how influenced children become of others from the images formed by their parents. Once a child has such an attitude, they are working from the negative and not the positive.

A classroom is an excellent setting to teach children about accepting differences and growing to like the difference.

 Consider:

Developing the habit of making quick judgements on people can become a life habit. It closes doors mentally and disengages from learning more about people.

• Take care with what is said about others in the presence of your child. You may have strong opinions about someone, but I think it best to be subtle and careful in expressing them in front of your child. Let them slowly and gently form images of others for themselves.

• Encourage an attitude that everyone is different and I may have some thoughts about this situation or person but there are many opinions to be considered.

• Encourage your child to have an open mind when they encounter people with different views or perhaps ways of communicating.

• Teach them that having an opinion is natural, but making judgements that damage can be harmful and lasting. Once judgements are made, opinions are sealed and limited understanding comes from making a judgement.

• If your child talks negatively about a child in their class, discuss if they can see the good in that child and encourage them to be open to learning more about that person. A closed mind at an early age is not a healthy way to grow mentally and emotionally.

• Social media sadly encourages judgment in all sorts of areas to do with people. Monitor what your child watches and have an open outlook on opinions and attitude about others. Teach them to be open to differences and to find some positive in difficult discussions about people that are controversial.

Developing the habit of making quick judgements on people can become a life habit. It closes doors mentally and disengages from learning more about people.

“If you judge people you have no time to love them.”

— Mother Theresa.

Teaching the child about discrimination.

How does one tackle this immense topic with a child? Quite simply we should be starting at an early age as there are so many examples of discrimination in the life of a child. Some are subtle, some more blatant.

How does one tackle this immense topic with a child?

A great sadness for me as school principal was to see how prejudice and discrimination could so easily creep into the life of a child. It was ever present through media, television, poor modelling from families and extended networks. It was often subtle but children learnt quickly to align themselves to groups and cultures that felt comfortable, seemed similar and made them welcome. Such alignment sometimes led to reduced understanding and tolerance of difference. It quickly shut down interest in other viewpoints.

Now having said that I can assure families that the best way to strengthen children’s understandings of the complex world is to expose them to as much as possible. For example, if you do not have aged family, grandparents etc, in the life of the child, align yourself with older people. Children enjoy their company and come to value and appreciate the aged.

If your child has little understanding of disability, perhaps watch the Paralympics or talk to neighbours with disability. Here we again remind our children that aligning with difference makes us richer.

There are many examples I could state about bringing your child to the table to understand and value the differences in society. Starting at an early age is the key. You may have a favourite charity in which the family contributes, talk about why this charity is so important to you.

Schools frequently take on projects to raise the awareness of social differences, especially social disability and if the family keeps up the dialogue at home and capitalises on opportunities to engage with social difference, they are encouraging their child to develop a broad appreciation of life.

Of course, everything we say and do as parents can potentially demonstrate bias. It’s unavoidable at times. However, we can take care to watch how we talk about groups that are different or challenging. If the child hears that you are open to differences and respect the variance in society, they are more receptive to not taking on bias themselves. They are also more inclined to talk to you about such matters.

A few tips in this important area.

• Talk positively about differences in our society.

• Always tell your child that whilst I feel this way towards an issue, there are other perspectives that could be considered.

• Watch programs together that cover important areas of discrimination.

• In a child’s friendship group there will be children of various races, attitudes, social status etc. Embrace the differences that your child brings home. Learn from the acceptance your child shows towards matters of discrimination.

• Be an opportunist. When you see a chance to engage with someone or something different, include your child.

• Demonstrate to your child that discriminating in any form limits a person’s capacity to understand the bigger world. Of course, I will have my opinion on certain matters but I welcome the opportunity to listen to others. Here you teach your child to open their thinking to a bigger world.

 This article is about keeping the pilot light on for your child to explore, respect and value differences in our world. The danger comes when they choose to undervalue matters of discrimination with little knowledge. Our objective as parents is to ignite a desire in our children to learn about all that is different. May they come to it with compassion and understanding.

“No one is born hating another person, be of their colour of his skin or his background or his religion. People must learn to hate and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”

— Nelson Mandela.