Talk to your child regularly. It’s important for their mental health

Keep conversations going with your child even if you think they are not listening. Let them know that you are a listener and want everything to be out in the open and frequently discussed amongst you. Let them see that conversations are a great way of dealing with problems and that you feel better when matters are openly discussed.

Regular conversations with your child:

1. Builds Trust and Emotional Safety

When children feel heard, they trust that they can share their emotion without fear of judgement.

Example: A child struggling with bullying feels safe opening up to a parent who listens calmly, instead of dismissing their feelings.

2. Prevents Emotional Suppression

Open conversations help children process emotions instead of bottling them up, reducing the risk of anxiety and depression.

Example: Asking, "How was your day?" allows a child to express frustration over a ` grade rather than holding it in.

3. Develops Problem-Solving Skills

Talking through challenges teaches kids how to handle problems and make decisions.

Example: If a child is upset about a fight with a friend, discussing the issue helps them brainstorm ways to apologize or make amends.

4. Strengthens Parent-Child Connection

Frequent conversations create a strong bond, making children feel supported and valued.

Example: Regular chats during bedtime build a habit of sharing, even when they grow older and face bigger challenges.

5. Detects Early Signs of Mental Health Issues

Talking often allows parents to notice mood changes or troubling thoughts before they escalate.

Example: If a usually cheerful child starts avoiding conversations, this could signal stress or sadness, prompting early support.

“A child really feels supported when a parent uses open communication.”

— Gail J Smith

Let’s look at conversations to have with your child

Here are five great conversation topics that parents can frequently discuss with their children to support mental health, foster a positive disposition, and reassure them of being loved. Frequent positive reminders are healthy ways to give a positive outlook to a growing child and to build emotional intelligence.

Emotions and Feelings

• Topic: "How are you feeling today? It's okay to have all kinds of emotions."

• Purpose: Encourage emotional expression and validation of feelings. This helps children understand that it’s normal to have a range of emotions and that their feelings are important.

• Reassuring Message: "No matter how you feel, I'm always here to listen and support you."

Self-Worth and Inner Strength

• Topic: "What do you think makes you special or unique?"

• Purpose: This encourages self-reflection and builds self-esteem by helping the child recognize their strengths, talents, and individuality.

• Reassuring Message: "You are amazing just the way you are, and I love you for who you are."

Challenges and Problem-Solving

• Topic: "What was something challenging today, and how did you handle it?"

• Purpose: Encouraging conversations about handling challenges reinforces resilience and problem-solving skills, helping children approach difficulties with a positive mindset.

• Reassuring Message: "No matter what happens, you’re strong, and I believe in your ability to get through tough times."

Gratitude and Positivity

• Topic: "What are three things you’re thankful for today?"

• Purpose: Fostering gratitude can shift the focus toward the positive aspects of life, promoting optimism and mental well-being.

• Reassuring Message: "Even when things are hard, there’s always something good, and I’m grateful to have you in my life."

Love and Belonging

• Topic: "What’s something fun we could do together soon?"

• Purpose: Strengthen the parent-child bond by focusing on shared experiences, making the child feel valued and connected.

• Reassuring Message: "You are always loved, no matter what, and spending time with you makes me happy."

Frequent conversations on these topics not only build a child's mental resilience but also provide the emotional security that they are loved and supported unconditionally. Every child needs reassurance and will from time to time need that extra reassurance that their world is fine.

“A parent’s positive reassurance is a life line to a child.”

— Gail J Smith

Parenting through uncertain times

We live in a fast moving world where internet and especially social media impact so much on how we see and interpret the world. I appreciate that for parents finding the right path to direct and support their child over their growing years comes with challenges.

The following thoughts may help to provide a domestic climate where a child feels safe and enabled in such an overstimulated world:

• Communication is a vital key to supporting your children. Encourage open and honest communication with your children about what is happening. Provide age- appropriate information about the situation and answer their questions truthfully. Let them know that it's okay to feel scared or confused. Let them see how you are open to talking about all sorts of matters with no judgement.

• Establishing and maintaining a consistent daily routine can provide children with a sense of stability and predictability during uncertain times. Routine and family rituals are comforting to a child who needs to know their boundaries and limitations.

• Limit children's exposure to news coverage and social media discussions about the uncertain situation. Instead, provide updates and information in a calm and reassuring manner. Read newspapers with information that is appropriate to be read.

• Validate your child's feelings and emotions regularly, acknowledging that it's normal to feel scared, anxious, or uncertain during challenging times. Encourage them to express their feelings through talking, drawing, or writing them. Let them see how you manage your emotions and deal with unsettling situations. Be authentic.

• Help children focus on what they can control in the situation, such as practicing good hygiene, following safety guidelines, and engaging in activities that promote well-being. Empower them to take positive actions within their control. Talk about what is reasonable to be in their control.

• If a child can learn to problem solve they become independent learners. Teach children problem-solving skills and encourage them to brainstorm solutions to the challenges they are facing. Sometimes breaking down problems into smaller parts makes solutions easier to manage.

• Model self-care behaviours for your children by taking care of your own physical and emotional well-being. Let them see that you value personal care to nurture your self interests.

• Help children stay connected with friends and loved ones through virtual means, such as video calls, online games etc. Social connections can provide comfort and support during uncertain times. Remember it takes a village to bring up a child.

• Encourage resilience by highlighting examples of resilience in stories, movies, or real-life experiences. Help children recognize their own strengths and abilities to overcome challenges and bounce back from adversity. Affirm regularly their strengths when you notice them.

• If you notice signs of significant distress, don't hesitate to seek professional help from a counsellor, therapist, or mental health professional who specializes in working with children. Such help is readily available to families.

Let’s be optimistic and positive with our children letting them see that with good care and proper directions today’s world can be understood and managed. As a parent negotiating your own way through today’s world will be a challenge. However, with a little bit of reflection and care you can make such a difference for your child.

“Whilst we live in uncertain times, let’s be certain we value effective parenting
to make the difference for our children.”

— Gail J Smith

Supporting your child’s individual learning style

We are not all learning like robots. We all develop our own individual learning style which needs to be nourished and encouraged from an early age. If we block our child’s ability to learn in their own way it can inhibit their ability to learn, it will devour their self-confidence and their interest in learning will spiral down very fast.

Here are some sound reasons why supporting their individual style will accelerate your child’s learning: Let them take ownership of their learning style.

Optimised Learning: Tailoring your support to your child's learning style ensures they can absorb and retain information more effectively. This optimisation leads to better academic performance and a deeper understanding of the material. A child will remember much more if they are in control of their learning. The brain is wired to connect to the child’s learning in a way that will be deeper and richer if the child is in control of what and how they learn.

Boosted Confidence: When children are taught in a way that aligns with their learning style, they tend to feel more confident about their abilities. This increased self-assurance can lead to a more positive attitude toward learning and taking on challenges. A confident child will learn with more gusto and memorise the content for longer.

Reduced Frustration: If a child's learning style isn't accommodated, they may become frustrated and discouraged. Shutting down to learning could be the outcome. Understanding and supporting their preferred learning approach can reduce their frustration and make the learning process more enjoyable. Try not to understand their learning style and accept that it works for them.

Enhanced Motivation: Children are more motivated to learn when they find the learning process engaging and relevant to their interests and preferences. Catering to their learning style can spark their curiosity and enthusiasm for learning.

Improved Communication: Understanding your child's learning style allows for better communication between you and your child's educators. It enables you to advocate for your child's needs and collaborate effectively with teachers to create a conducive learning environment. Accept that your child is unique and in the classroom teachers know how to accommodate such variation in a child’s learning. Be there to talk to the teacher about how your child chooses to learn.

Personal Growth: Supporting your child's learning style fosters their ability to adapt and learn independently. They develop problem-solving skills and the capacity to explore various learning methods, which are valuable life skills. Your child’s individual style when encouraged strengthens their sense of self-worth and they value how they learn.

In summary, recognising and supporting your child's learning style can lead to more effective learning experiences, increased confidence, reduced frustration, enhanced motivation, improved communication with educators, and personal growth. A child will perform better when happy and are more conducive to learning when they feel confident that they know how best to learn. Give them space to experiment with how they learn and you will see a child taking more ownership of their learning.

What about our so-called underachievers?

I have real concerns about the word ‘underachiever’, especially when referring to children. This implies there are children who can perform much better, but actually do not perform well. The name and hence label ‘underachiever’ puts a very damning perception on a child. It implies that they are just not up to the mark and will always be below the line.

In my experience as a school principal for 30 years, I have seen many children, who for a variety of reasons, underperform in some way. Yet over those same years, through sound support and shifting social and emotional growth, they no longer underperform. We all are evolving and morphing into well-rounded human beings. There will always be variations as we grow in how we perform.

If a child has a perception that they are an underperformer, they feel a sense of failure in many and varied ways. It totally saturates their sense of self-worth and their endeavours to do better are very poor. They have little motivation to change that perception.

Here are some reflections to help your child if they feel they are underachieving:

• Look at your own parental attitudes towards achievement. Take care not to demand unrealistic high performance. Are your expectations appropriate in light of your child’s anxiety in this area? Remember every child is different.

• If you have little interest in your child’s performance and general school work, they can’t see the point in trying too hard. Always show interest that demonstrates excitement in their work. It is easy to disengage when interest from parents is low.

• Be careful not to put your child down if they perform less than perfect. Always acknowledge their efforts, applaud the process and celebrate how far they have come. Affirming their performance only because it reaches your suitable expectations can lead a child to be very angry, frustrated and disheartened. They will feel despondent because they cannot reach such expectations all the time.

• Some children will underperform, as they do not want to be different from their peers. I have seen this quite a few times. Easier to be one of the gang, than to stand out with a good effort. In this case, discussions need to be had with the teacher to establish how socially active your child is and how they engage with others. This is more about self-esteem matters.

• If your child is underachieving, take little steps. Affirm their work along the way. If they write a story, affirm the stages they are at and compliment them on their efforts.

• Play games where they sometimes win and talk about the fun of having a go and succeeding. Simple games like snakes and ladders can build confidence in young children. Building blocks are a great tool for seeing success through the endeavour.

• If your child hates chores and says they are boring, simplify the chore. When they finish, have some fun and tell them how finishing the chore makes your life easier.

• Select small attainable goals at home. They will be less frustrated as quickly and feel that they want to finish it off. Sometimes doing the goal with them can be helpful as well.

• It can become a habit to underachieve. Find occasions at home to notice when they did complete tasks well. Talk about them and make a fuss about the success it showed.

• Use positive upbeat language. Not words that can easily put down your child. Words like:‘Wonderful effort’,‘Great show’, ‘Much appreciated’, ‘What an outstanding effort’ and‘Wow what a great job’. It’s all about getting them to hear positive thoughts about their achievements, no matter how inconsequential.

• Little positive notes around the house, in their bedroom and in lunchboxes, about how they did well to achieve certain things is a very effective visual way of letting them feel like an achiever. I used to put a little positive note in each child’s desk each night. This made such a difference to their motivation and drive.

We all have periods of underachieving. Our children will have shifting emotions that, from time to time, may lead them down that path. Just keep up the positive talk and minimise occasions where that sense of hopelessness and reduced drive can linger longer. We don’t want over-achievers; we want natural achievers. 

‘The achiever is the only individual who is truly alive.’

                                                                                          George Allen

9 ideas to get the term off to a good start

Term two begins in school with a whole different feel. By now there is a general expectation that relationships have formed in the classroom and that children have a good understanding of where they sit with their teacher. Not to say that this is still a work in progress and children need to feel secure and valued over the school year. Sometimes, with more vulnerable children, that can take some time to develop.

1. Routines should be well set up at home. This should especially apply to before-school routines and homework patterns. Providing such an order does keep children busy and focused. This reduces small anxieties about school that can creep up, particularly in the morning.

2. Every now and then check in with your child that they are keeping in touch with their teacher. A measure of this is usually that they talk about them at home. If you have concerns, talk to your child and follow up with the teacher. They need to be kept in the loop.

3. Routines are well underway in a classroom. Children know the routines, the regular test patterns and the extras that are built into the day. Chat about how their day works. This shows interest and that you have up-to-date information.

4. The teacher will have set expectations of how the children should work by now. It is important that your child understands and is in the swing of following the routines of the school day. A chat at home is also helpful here.

5. Sometimes, with younger children, fatigue can set in and occasionally you may hear ‘I don’t want to go to school.’ Sometimes it comes in the form of stomach aches etc. Here it is important to be strong and keep up with regular school attendance. Research shows that more and more absences from school becomes a habit and has a significant impact on learning.

6. Try to keep up with parent nights, sports days etc. I know the year gets complicated but your continual, ongoing presence in their school life, keeps their optimism up for the year. It can wain once the weather gets colder and days darker.

7. As the winter sets in and the children seem less engaged, maybe this could be the time to throw in some treats or simply reduce duties etc. A little lighter period on everyone can ease the winter blues.

8. Keep up the important family rituals such as having meals together. Such regularity helps everyone feel consistently connected and necessary.

9. Bedtime rituals are important as the year rolls on. Children enjoy that time to often disclose concerns or simply feel connected in a special way to their parents.

Finally, the school year can be challenging for some children. It can also put undue strain on a family that is busy and has a range of expectations. As a parent, keeping the happy momentum is what it is all about. This may need some adjustment and maybe adaptation from time to time. It may also require that you check in with your own needs across the year. Your mental health has a direct impact on the well-being of your children.

         ‘One way to keep up the momentum going is to have constantly greater goals.’

 -Michael Korda

Be confident as a parent you have what it takes

By nature of being a parent, you come with many capabilities. It is easy to underestimate how skilled you are, but by nature of being an adult, you have already learnt many skills that can be translated into useful tips for your child. A parent who feels confident about their skills gives a strong message to their child and this feeds into successful parenting. Confidence breeds reassurance in others.

It is also natural to feel anxious about providing the best advice and council to your growing child. After all, the world they are entering has altered from your world and the skills they need have shifted from the demands and expectations placed on you whilst growing up.

Here are a few thoughts on feeling and growing confident in being the best parent possible:

• Never underestimate your child. Understand that they have special gifts that are unique to them and that we should focus on all that makes them special and unique. Consider that they may not understand you, but your task is to understand them and respect what it is that they want. This can be difficult, but to understand them better you need to understand their world. You have more confidence in supporting your child when you really feel you know them.

• Take care not to compare. Each child is an individual and thinks and processes quite differently. We need to understand how they think and what drives their world. The more we show respect and understand our child, the greater union between you and your child.

• The education of your child takes such a priority. Know what your child is learning. Be part of that journey. Show interest and be available when and if they need your support. Learning is a lifelong journey and it happens in many ways. Your child needs to see that you are open to learning yourself and enjoying their journey through their schooling years. Don’t be anxious about what you know and what you have to offer. You have much to offer!!!

• Know that learning more about parenting is what all parents can benefit from. Read books on parenting. Look up journal items etc. Gain information and be an ongoing learner in the field of parenting.

• Find creative ways to be family. Real learning comes from joint experiences. Rock climb together. Kayak as a family. Keep the adventure coming. Take a few risks together. This always strengthens the bonding and builds family confidence.

• An important and easy way to parent well is to set up stable routines. Here, I refer to meal times, chores, morning expectations etc. Routine gives you clear directions and everyone knows what the expectations are for all. Start early when the children are little.

• You know your child very well. Have faith in your gut and intuitive sense. Parents have a natural sense when it comes to intuitive matters. Rely on your good sense when talking and negotiating with your child. But be an effective listener!

• Be natural and accept your mistakes. Children respect you when you show your human face and act in an authentic way. Nothing is gained by false confidence or bravado. Show them it is OK to make a mistake and that you can grow and learn from making mistakes. You will be less anxious about making errors when you accept that making mistakes is a normal part of parenting.

• Being a strong, active presence in the life of your child is a powerful way to parent well. Never underestimate that such a presence presents confidence and reassurance with all its foibles and successes.

• You will see many models of parenting over the years. Some will come with outstanding qualifications and some will challenge you especially when your child says: ‘Mary’s parents let her go to the party!’

Don’t be put off by all the models of ‘would be’ great parenting. You are the parents. You are the rock and you have such sensitivity to your child, that can only be understood by the intimacy of being their parent. Despite the fact that you may not have all the answers, you are there for all the right reasons. Just ensure that you listen effectively and are prepared to appreciate other ways of seeing the world. With confidence, you are in the best position to deal with many and varied matters of childhood.

Over the years in my role as Principal, I saw many families crossing my door. It was always a joy to observe families who were closely bonded by the nature of who they were. These families enjoyed being part of their family where expectations were normal, understanding and tolerance strong and no undue pressure appeared to bother them. Family for them was a natural process, with all its foibles and successes. Being family shouldn’t be complicated and above all you, the parent have much to offer your fledglings.

         ‘Behind every young child who believes in himself is a parent who believed in him first.’

                                                                                           - Pinterest

Do you ever feel like you have hit rock bottom as a parent?

We all have those moments and sometimes they turn into hours!

In my work as a school principal, I was always noticing the major changes and adjustments that families made as time went on. Crisis can hit, but as time went on, circumstances shifted and new life came into what were very difficult situations.

Fear is often an issue with parents when they think about the worst-case scenario. They think about the dreaded, ‘What if’ factor. This can become quite a preoccupation. It can cloud common sense responses to situations and can limit a parent’s ability to open their minds to options.

Here are some ideas to keep you going and to remind you that being human, making mistakes, etc. is all part of parenting:

• Nothing is permanent. If you have a crisis or just hitting rock bottom, it will pass. Time has a way of shifting the ebbs and flows of life experiences. Everything has its season.

• Children keep changing and evolving. Their thoughts and ideas keep shifting and their needs and demands will change as we, the parents, change with them. Therefore, worrying unduly or overthinking about one issue is pointless. Sometimes preoccupying ourselves can mean the problem just disappears, without any of our interference.

• The problems children have are children’s problems, so I recommend putting things into perspective and worrying less. Children’s problems come and go and they often take charge of them themselves. Everything of course within reason.

• Your children will surprise you! When it comes, enjoy the challenge and try not to become anxious about its implications.

• If you are getting tired from just parenting, perhaps you are working at it too hard. Are you overthinking matters? Perhaps you are demanding too much control? Some of the best parenting I have seen came from relaxed and easy-going people who were quite happy to let things just be at times and not interfere too much with their children’s issues. Simply having a presence can at times be enough.

• Don’t forget to not lose yourself in parenting. Allow some time for yourself to develop who you are. The happier you are as a person in your own right, the better you will be as a parent. Think about exercising or doing some activity that gives you joy. Permit yourself to be a parent that makes room for yourself.

• If you are feeling overwhelmed, learn to reduce the pressure. Find ways to cut back on planned activities or slow down from adding to the list of things to do. Your child wants you as a happy parent, not a fatigued parent. Less is better when it all gets too much!

• Be honest with your child. If you are tired tell them. If you haven't the time to do what is requested, talk about it. Your child needs to learn and understand your limits. Be authentic with them and they will appreciate your honesty. This is how they learn empathy, compassion and tolerance. This is also about setting responsible boundaries that support your needs.

• If you are hitting a low point, seek out friends and companions that have a similar journey. A lot can be gained by having such a support group to call on. We all need to rely on others. Parenting has been around since the cavemen.

• Sometimes saying less when things get heated is the best way not to overcomplicate situations and tire yourself out. We often try to be available and solve situations on the run. Saying less and even silence at times creates some emotional respite which can be a calming time.

• If discipline is needed, are you the one to deal with it if you are not in the right space? Perhaps delay discipline if you are not able to deal with it at the time. You need to be well and in a good mental space to be disciplining children.

• Try not to be critical of yourself as a parent. You are doing the best you can. Don’t compare yourself to others. You can go into dangerous emotional spaces when you do this comparison. Your child loves and values you for who you are, warts and all so keep up with just loving your child and doing your best. By the way, I have never met a perfect parent!

 Finally play often with your child. The more you play, the less intense you are and that greater feeling of being connected to your child tends to wash away some of those feelings of it all being too much. Play is a wonderful healing agent. We all need to play from time to time.

         ‘Self care is turning some of the nurturing energy you give to your child, towards yourself.’

                                                                       -Kristi Yeh LMFT

Friendships are important in your child’s life

I am certain that a social anthropologists would tell us that somewhere back in the cave man era, man grew the desire, perhaps need, to develop friendship. Coming out of their cave and socialising would have been yet another important step in mankind’s evolution.

We all need friendship and we need to have the ability to connect with others. We do not need, nor were we ever designed to live in isolation. It must now be part of our DNA. Children at school age start to develop friendships where they gradually develop a sense of belonging. This process begins at birth. It is a slow, steady process and for each child, the journey will be different.  

There is so much to say about the value and necessity of the child developing friendship. Within each relationship there is so much about themselves they learn and this will come with some pain and glory. A child learns much about developing resilience, becoming intuitive and above all, goes through the rigour of developing emotional intelligence all through the journey of forming and sustaining friends.

As parents, we have a very special role to support them in their evolving understanding and development of friendships.

Here a few thoughts to give us direction in this critical guiding role:

• Remember, your child’s friends are not your friends. Sometimes we can show our disapproval of who they bring home or who they befriend. In subtle ways we can say and do things that worry your child about the friends they enjoy. This can make them doubt their own judgement. 

• Your child will meet friends and move on after time with some of those friendships. Accept that they need to be the one who judges the worth of their friends. This can sometimes come with pain but that is how they build resilience and grow wiser in making suitable choices.

• Support their friendships by getting to know their friends. Be interested in them and organise play dates to support the friendships.

• When you see friendship troubles brewing, simply remind them about social cues and listen to their concerns. Once again, remember they are not your friends nor is it your responsibility to sort out their concerns.

• As a child builds friends and they go through the rigour of the ups and downs, they will learn about empathy and altruism. They will discover many emotions through their friends and will be introduced to other ways of viewing the world. Be open and listen to what they say. Take care not to shut them down too quickly. They expect to learn from their friends. It’s natural.

• Watch and learn how your child plays and socialises. This will help you fit into their world with ease. You will understand them more by watching their games, chats etc.

• Model positive social behaviour. Let them know and see that developing your own friends is important for your social world.

• Affirm your child when they show initiative in approaching others to develop friendships. For anxious children, this can be a very difficult step to take.

• All of your children will approach friendship differently. One child may be incredibly gregarious and would like everyone in the class to be their friend. Another child is perhaps more reserved and may be happy with just one or two close friends. Accept that the needs are different for each child. Celebrate their differences in this way.

• Children gain amazing opportunities from joining activity groups and through organised sport. Even if they are not great communicators themselves, sport takes care of that as they become an active team player.

• Respect the fact that a loss of friendship can be quite devastating for a while. Often girls can harbour upset feelings for a long time. They don’t seem to forget their hurt easily. Generally, boys will get angry and blame the other person for the breakdown. Sometimes a quick fight sorts it out. Either way be a good listener and understand that a loss of friendship can take a while to heal. They need space to grieve and heal.

• Play is a very large part of how children connect from infancy. From an early age involve your child in playgroups, friendship meetings with other parents etc. From a very early age, your child needs to be playing alongside other children, which will ultimately lead to social connections. In these settings they learn to control negative emotions and begin to recognise other people’s emotions. At first they simply play alongside each other, but after a while they need to make connections and that is when it all begins.

• Your child learns to be more social, through your loving disposition, warmth and positive way of disciplining your child. Parenting in a punitive way will only delay a child’s ability to effectively socialise. Strict discipline lowers a child’s self confidence which retards their ability to socialise effectively.

Socially anxious children need parenting that is sensitive and positive. Through your gentle support and encouragement in a safe and happy environment that encourages social engagement, friendships will develop. Here they will need plenty of trust and reassurance around them.

                  ‘Childhood friendships are timeless treasures of the heart.’

                                                                 - Proud Happy Mama

A few thoughts about what your child wants from school this year

School is such an immense part of a child’s life as well as having a major impact on the whole family. Of course we expect it to be a time that fulfils many objectives including stimulating a child’s imagination and developing a love for learning. We have high expectations when our child steps into the school and we trust that the environment will be a good fit for our child.

What make a child happy when at school? This is important as we now happy students are motivated students.

• They need and want to be an active participant in class. This gives them credibility and a feeling of inclusion.

• A busy school with plenty of activities excites and stimulates a child to become actively involved. Schools should not be docile places.

• Every child needs to feel appreciated, to regularly have affirmation and acknowledgement for their efforts. No one copes well without feeling that they are capable of success and that they are recognised for their efforts by others that they value.

• Regular success feeds the desire to keep learning. A school that focuses on success is a winner.

• A child needs to be in relationship with other children. Developing friendships is critical to a child. Their social world is such an important part of their emotional growth. In a school setting, a child can have a powerful journey in building relationships over the years.

Here are some basic thoughts to aid and abet your child getting the best from school this year:

•      Listen well to what they have to say

•      Be available which may mean adjusting your busy schedule.

•      Be a parent and not a friend which at times may take you in a different direction.

•      Let them take ownership as much as possible independence is key to better learning.

• Talk about school regularly and postively so that it comfortably intertwines with family life.

• Remember that it is their school and their journey, which means at times you may need to step back and let them work through issues themselves.

• Read everything that comes home from school and talk about all the activities available. Show as much interest as you can in what your child is doing at school.

Finally, for your child to be happy and get the best from the school you need to a be a parent that presents a happy face and shows great pride in all their endeavours.

Good luck family in starting the new school year!

          ‘It’s one of my favourite seasons of the year: back to school.’

                                                                                       -Dana Perino

Keeping the stress level down is a great asset as a parent

Have you noticed that parenting, being an active person and managing a family can be stressful? Stress is a very natural part of everyone’s life.

Here’s the thing! You will be a more effective parent if you can learn to lessen the stress that can so easily creep into your life. Also, you will feel happier, which is such an important component in the business of being a parent. Your body is not meant to be on alert in a constant crisis mode, as unrelieved stress can impair so much of your faculties.

Think about how the following skills which can be gradually learnt or built into your daily routine. At the very least understand them as common factors that can increase stress levels.

Consider:

• Are you quick to respond to stress? Do your reactions to stressful situations increase or reduce your feelings of well-being? Is it best to remove yourself from some situations to reduce the stress in your life? Sometimes it’s best to read the signs and walk away from such situations leaving yourself in control.

• Are you a person that is always in a rush? Is that rush all about succeeding, doing the right thing or just trying to be in control? Remember, too much rush can mean you stop listening and miss the best part of life.

• Are you inclined to make issues bigger than they are? Easily done when gossip and unhealthy discussion is around. Try to put things into proportion. In time, everything passes and all will be well.

• Are you inclined to be a perfectionist? Striving for perfection is exhausting and never satisfying especially around children. Start to accept and appreciate that life is all about ups and downs and this is normal.

• When there are anxious times do you need to handle them on your own? Try asking for help and building confidence to ask for the help you need. You do not need to fight battles on your own.

• When you are compassionate, you are more aware and sensitive of others. This can lower your feelings of stress. Feelings of compassion and gratitude take you into a more gentle and appreciative framework.

• Recognise the negative self-talk which can creep up when feeling poorly. This is especially the case when you are feeling tired. Keep feeding yourself positive “I” Statements.

‘I am really good at….’

‘I am talented at…..’

‘People like my….’

Focus on how you are an achiever.

You don’t need everyone’s approval nor do you need to please everyone. Take care to understand why you feel tired trying to please everyone.

• It’s a well known support for stress but it works. When feeling anxious simply take slow deep breaths. Allow the time and feel stronger from the silence and pace of the breathing.

• Mindfulness is all about savouring the goodness of the moment. A focus on this can distract from the moment of anxiety.

• Be mindful that you need to create some personal interruption free time. This gives you time to simply catch up.

• Try physical exercise on a regular basis. Simply walking daily is so therapeutic.

• Do something creative for yourself each day. Your spirit is lifted when being creative.

• Take a walk into nature. Feel the wind. It lifts the spirit. Keep nature close at hand. It’s such a friend to the spirit.

• Humour is a great healer. Find laughter and humour in your daily experiences.

 These are all ideas to help you work on reducing stress. Your child will quickly recognise you are working to control stress to be a happier person. This is all good modelling. Remember we are human and our best efforts as parents are to provide a model of a parent working towards feeling and being better.

9 Tips about how to help your child love learning

The whole learning process for our children can be considered without a doubt, a family affair. Research over many years tells us that the more parents are interested and show an inquiring attitude to their child’s learning, the more successful the learner. You are after all the child’s first teacher. From infancy through to young adulthood, your child will depend on you physically, emotionally and socially. Challenges will come their way but you still remain a primary source for their learning and developing a passion for learning.

On many levels, you set the stage for understanding the value and richness of learning. Sounds like a tall order, but your work is done slowly and steadily over the years. It is not an overnight job and the more you take it on as a serious part of your role, the more likely the child will be engaged in their learning from a younger age.

Here are some simple tips that help us along the way from infancy through to well…. Adulthood:

1. Establishing a daily routine is important. Build it into all the expectations of the day and understand what school requirements are to be considered in your plan. Setting up a routine includes providing a quiet spot for them to learn at home. Consider the background noise issues, lighting and of course interruptions like younger siblings.

2. Regular conversations about school each day can keep the dialogue going in a positive way about what was learnt, achieved or found interesting. Remember this is not about an inquisition into the school day, but a gentle interest in what the child learnt or did in their time. Sometimes you may get a response, sometimes that may not happen.

3. Set tasks for your child that are manageable and within reasons. You can help them set goals in doing jobs at home. Also help them balance their homework time, play time and reading time. Teach them that the more they plan and balance their time, the happier they will be. Point out that by being organised, they get the recreation and play time that they want and deserve.

4. A most important aid in helping your child become a true learner is the modelling you give them. By your example such as reading, writing or being active in a range of learning activities, the child sees that this is the way to go. When you play as a family be intuitive and choose activities, games etc. that have a learning component to them, but at the same time they are fun. Learning to link fun and joy is the best way forward for a child. Also be an inquirer. Teach your child that asking questions is important. Have various ways of seeking information through books internet, conversations etc.

5. Set high expectations for your child, but make them achievable. A child needs to feel inspirational, but not have unreal expectations placed on them. Be proud of their efforts and affirm how hard they try to achieve their goals. ‘I am so impressed with all the effort you put into learning about elephants. You must have got so much good information.’

6. Be aware of their special talents and praise their uniqueness in all sorts of ways. Every child has unique gifts. Spell them out often.

7. Be proud to show their work to other members of the family. Learning is about a celebration of knowledge and achievements in many forms. We demonstrate that all learning should be boldly acknowledged.

8. Encourage overall development. This can be through their physical efforts, intellectual efforts, artistic endeavours etc. Show your child that there are many ways of achieving success in learning and you recognise so many of them in your child.

9. Be a connector with the school. This shows your child that you value their learning space throughout the day. Connect to libraries, take your child to museums, places where creativity and adventure are alive. Keep an eye out for opportunities that introduce new concepts and open their minds in different ways. Show your child that you enjoy discovering new ways of seeing and understanding the world.

Finally, the learning process over the years is slow and steady. At times it will accelerate as different teachers and circumstances excite the imagination. Your role is to be the constant, everyday reminder that learning is an ongoing and life-giving experience. It is a growth that keeps developing all your life if the foundations teach you well. Be the ever-present learner in the life of your child.

                        ‘Once you stop learning you start dying.’

                                                                                -Albert Einstein

A few thoughts on school in the month of May

Hopefully, a routine is now well underway. Children should be very familiar with their teacher and class. Homework processes should be well established and weekly patterns with sport afterschool etc. well entrenched in the family’s life.

There are always changes and challenges in a classroom, not the least of which is the social exchanges that happen between children. This is worth checking in on from time to time. Talk to your child and when in doubt the teacher will have the wisdom and knowledge to know about any incident.

Here are some thoughts to keep the school and home life churning away comfortably in partnership:

• Frequently talk to your child about the progress of school. Tuning into school discussion is a way of showing ongoing interest even in the ordinary times.

• Keep an eye on homework patterns and remember if the homework is a struggle talk to the teacher, do not resolve it at home. There are many theories about the value or not of homework. It certainly should not be causing family disruption when the child isn’t coping. It is not the role of the parent to take over homework. The ownership belongs to the school.

• Attend school information nights or class visits when invited. It is so important to keep up the momentum with your child, that school is important and the information they give out is valuable. Your presence at the school means so much to your child.

• Keep an eye on the sleep your child gets during school weeks. As the term progresses, winter creeps in, children can be prone to sickness and fatigue.

• Is your child coping with the amount of afterschool activities? This should be looked at in light of their capacity in coping with school, homework etc. More activities do not make for a richer experience. It is all about finding the right balance.

• Talk about your child’s friends. Be interested in them. It is most important to a child that their friendships are valued by the family. They rely so much on them for social and emotional support. Your approval adds to their sense of satisfaction.

• Read the school newsletter around the family. This is an excellent way to keep in touch and discuss with your child the various aspects of the life of the school.

• Use your fridge as a way of talking about school. Put notices on the fridge, refer to them often.

• Younger students, especially those in the foundation years get school fatigue after a few weeks at school during the term. Keep an eye on this and certainly, keep them home if they need a small break. Best that they are at school happy and learning rather than developing a sense of sadness and tiredness.  Of course, negotiation with your teacher is most important here.

During the school term, it is important to ensure that the life of the school which is such a focus for your child is given high priority in the family.  It should not be competing with family demands. This is comforting to your child when they feel that what happens in the day does not stay in the day, it can be discussed happily at night. We want our children to sense a strong interconnection between school and home. They need to see that the learning and life experiences they gain at school which are wide and variable have a real place in the life of the family.

“At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child’s success is the positive involvement of parents.”

— Jane D Hull

How to get rid of that blue feeling

It’s hard to keep the mood positive all the time, even with children. They get quite crowded with thoughts and desires and sometimes struggle to put order into their life.

It is not uncommon to find a child feeling and looking quite idle and down in the day. When this occurs, there is a simple and easy way to lift that spirit and most importantly to give the child strategies to help them control their moods. Remember what you are doing here is teaching your child how to manage themselves better from time to time.

Suggest that they write a list of activities or things that makes them feel happy. This could include everything from Lego to dolls to playing games etc. The point of this exercise is to discuss the list of suggestions that can very quickly shift a mood or temperament.

Put the list somewhere visible and discuss the possibility of engaging in some of these activities or simply discussing the fun and joy they receive from them.

The purpose of this exercise is to give the child a way out of thinking moody thoughts. It is about enlightening them on the positive and distracting their negative feelings. Keep the list visible for a while and suggest that the list should be upgraded from time to time especially when new experiences come into play.

When working with children it was quite common practice that they would write down activities or resources that made then feel good. It acted as a distraction to lower sad feelings and it also proved an excellent vehicle to talk about what was valuable in their life.

Children generally like to write or draw their feelings and so it is not an uncommon way to express themselves. A younger child without writing skills can of course simply draw the things that make them feel happy.

A good modelling technique is to demonstrate to your child that when you are feeling low you write a list of things that make you feel better. This modelling is a great example to them that you use similar strategies to deal with mood swings.

 A little bit of distraction can go along way to redirecting feelings.

“Start writing no matter what. The water does not not flow until the faucet is turned on.”

—  Louis D’Amour.

It is not uncommon to find a child feeling and looking quite idle and down in the day.