Helping children cope with distressing media

Addressing distressing media is crucial, especially for parents navigating this digital age with their children. Of course, we need to live in the real world and there has been some very distressing news which needs to be processed with our children in a way that they can understand.

Here are some thoughts on how to educate our children in understanding our modern world where social media can be consumptive:

• Establish healthy boundaries around screen time for both yourself and your children. Setting specific hours for media consumption can help mitigate exposure to distressing content. After all, how much media do we need on a daily basis?

• Create safe spaces online where children can explore content that is curated and monitored by parents. This could include setting up restricted profiles on streaming services or utilizing parental controls on devices.

• Stress the importance of open communication between yourself and your children regarding media consumption. Create a supportive environment where children feel comfortable discussing anything they may find distressing online.

• Talk to your child about how media can have confusion and sensationalism built in. Teach children how to critically analyze media content. This includes helping them understand bias, fact-checking information, and recognizing manipulation tactics used in media. It is most important that they learn not to believe everything they hear and see.

• Monitor your child’s social media usage and be aware of the platforms they are using. Set privacy settings and discuss appropriate online behaviour with your child.

• Prioritize your own well-being when consuming media. Take breaks from news and social media if it becomes overwhelming and engage in activities that promote relaxation and stress relief. This demonstrates to your child that you want and need a balance in your life.

• Offer suggestions for alternative activities that you as a family can engage in together that doesn’t involve screens, such as outdoor adventures, board games, or creative projects.

• It is important as the parent to model healthy media behaviour for your child. Children often mimic their parents’ habits, so it is essential for parents to demonstrate balanced media consumption themselves. Take care how you talk about the media content in front of your child.

• Stay informed about current events but do so mindfully. Consuming excessive news coverage of distressing events can take a toll on mental health, so it’s important to strike a balance between staying informed and protecting one’s well-being.

• Have frequent talks about how understanding media is critical to get only the best out of information that is posted in some way.

• Involving your child in a busy, active life with sports activities, hobbies etc. throughout the week will give them a very happy lifestyle where the focus is not so much on social media.

• When explaining issues to children that have been emblazoned in the news take your time and use language that your child will understand. Sometimes the sensational nature of how words are used can be very intimidating for a child. Check in with them later to see if they understood what you had to say.

Our children live in this digital age and whilst it fills so much of their day they still need to be in control. They need to see it as a tool that be can be used for good and at times not for good. They need to be scrutinizing and be in charge when it comes to deciding how to use it. In this way they are running the show and will be more in control of what they read and how they interpret material. Such maturity will be accelerated with your guidance and direction on how best to be engaged with the digital world.

“Social media is a very, very powerful tool. It also gives power to tools.”

— Chris Young

Parenting through uncertain times

We live in a fast moving world where internet and especially social media impact so much on how we see and interpret the world. I appreciate that for parents finding the right path to direct and support their child over their growing years comes with challenges.

The following thoughts may help to provide a domestic climate where a child feels safe and enabled in such an overstimulated world:

• Communication is a vital key to supporting your children. Encourage open and honest communication with your children about what is happening. Provide age- appropriate information about the situation and answer their questions truthfully. Let them know that it's okay to feel scared or confused. Let them see how you are open to talking about all sorts of matters with no judgement.

• Establishing and maintaining a consistent daily routine can provide children with a sense of stability and predictability during uncertain times. Routine and family rituals are comforting to a child who needs to know their boundaries and limitations.

• Limit children's exposure to news coverage and social media discussions about the uncertain situation. Instead, provide updates and information in a calm and reassuring manner. Read newspapers with information that is appropriate to be read.

• Validate your child's feelings and emotions regularly, acknowledging that it's normal to feel scared, anxious, or uncertain during challenging times. Encourage them to express their feelings through talking, drawing, or writing them. Let them see how you manage your emotions and deal with unsettling situations. Be authentic.

• Help children focus on what they can control in the situation, such as practicing good hygiene, following safety guidelines, and engaging in activities that promote well-being. Empower them to take positive actions within their control. Talk about what is reasonable to be in their control.

• If a child can learn to problem solve they become independent learners. Teach children problem-solving skills and encourage them to brainstorm solutions to the challenges they are facing. Sometimes breaking down problems into smaller parts makes solutions easier to manage.

• Model self-care behaviours for your children by taking care of your own physical and emotional well-being. Let them see that you value personal care to nurture your self interests.

• Help children stay connected with friends and loved ones through virtual means, such as video calls, online games etc. Social connections can provide comfort and support during uncertain times. Remember it takes a village to bring up a child.

• Encourage resilience by highlighting examples of resilience in stories, movies, or real-life experiences. Help children recognize their own strengths and abilities to overcome challenges and bounce back from adversity. Affirm regularly their strengths when you notice them.

• If you notice signs of significant distress, don't hesitate to seek professional help from a counsellor, therapist, or mental health professional who specializes in working with children. Such help is readily available to families.

Let’s be optimistic and positive with our children letting them see that with good care and proper directions today’s world can be understood and managed. As a parent negotiating your own way through today’s world will be a challenge. However, with a little bit of reflection and care you can make such a difference for your child.

“Whilst we live in uncertain times, let’s be certain we value effective parenting
to make the difference for our children.”

— Gail J Smith

Technology, a challenge in family life.

As a school Principal and working with children through counselling over many years, I have seen how the growing passion for technology has skyrocketed with our young ones. Children develop skills from an early age that baffle parents. They soon discover that it opens up a whole new world of connection with friends and the outside influences of the bigger world. This can occur as early as seven or eight years of age or even earlier!

At a primary age, they are definitely keen to network and feel valued in talking to friends through many of the social media tools that they can access.

It can't be stopped, but as parents, it is an area that does need monitoring.

Here are some practical suggestions to help the child through the minefield of managing technology as a young, vulnerable person. I liken it to a child driving a powerful truck. They understand how to drive the truck but do not have the skills to manage it.

• Discuss with your child where the computer should be situated in the house. The younger the child, the more visible should be the child using technology.
• Ensure that child safety blocking is placed on any computer, Ipads, phones etc. in the house.
• Attend a cyberbullying information session to learn about the legal age for children using certain social media. Often schools will facilitate such evenings, local community centres etc. It is best to attend one just as a parent as often information is given which can be quite daunting regarding the damage done to children through the inappropriate use of technology.
• Attend a session on cyberbullying with your child. This invites sound conversation together.
• Talk to your child about the use of chat media such as facebook, etc. Explain how everything written is kept in the Cloud and does not go away!

I have seen some parents draw up a contract with children on how technology will be used in the house. This is done at school with all students.

Keep the balance with family life. Active children engaged in sport etc. will be drawn to alternative ways to socialise and be active. This puts balance into their life and reduces concentrated hours in engaging with social media. Their social engagement is on the sports fields, stages, art classes etc.

Check the time children are using their computer and agree that there is a turn on and turn off time in the house. Of course, we need to give this example as a parent ourselves. Our modelling in using technology and teaching life balance is a critical factor in demonstrating to the child that technology is but one aspect of life.

As a family discuss technology and how it has influenced major changes in the world. Also, engage in conversations about its limitations.

Keep technology as visible as possible in the house and limit a child's time on their own using technology in the isolation of their bedroom. Remember the house is still seen as a technology friendly home.

Some parents have reconstructed their family living areas to make access and communal awareness of the use of technology.

Learn about how your child's school handles technology. Reading their technology policies gives you a strong indication of how good habits in technology are taught and managed.

Some final thoughts.

• Ensure the child knows that you value technology. Talk about it as a positive tool that has made such a difference to the world. However, as a tool, it can be used inappropriately and must be managed well.
• In the family, managing technology is an important rule which we talk about frequently, just as we discuss homework patterns etc.
• As a family, technology is just one part of our life as demonstrated by all the various activities we do as a family.
• Talk openly to your child about how you use technology in your life.
• Keep well informed on current information regarding the latest social media tools that are influencing children.
• Sometimes children will access inappropriate social media through visiting other homes. Discuss with these families your thoughts on this matter.
• Whilst you cannot control how other families use technology you can educate your child on its best use and invite them to feel comfortable in talking to you about how other homes operate with technology.
• Visit your child's classroom when they are using technology. This gives you a sound understanding of how technology is used in the classroom and an opportunity to chat at home about its use.
• Remember your home should develop a family communication style that enables a child to talk about technology comfortably.                        

Children develop skills from an early age that baffle parents.