The Little Things That Matter Most: How Small Moments Shape Your Child’s World
As parents, we often feel pressured to do something grand to make a real difference. But the truth is, the small, everyday moments leave the deepest imprint. Here are some simple ways you can make a big impact in your child’s life, one little action at a time.
It’s easy to think we need to do something big to make a difference in our child’s life. But often, it’s the little things that mean the most. A small act of love or attention can stay in a child’s heart forever.
In the busyness of life, these tiny moments often go unnoticed. But to your child, they are powerful. They say: You matter. I see you. I’m here.
Here are a few simple ways to make a big impact:
Say Their Name with Love
Start the day with: “Good morning, Tom! I missed that smile!” It lifts their spirit and strengthens your bond. Using their name is a powerful way of connecting to a child.
Give Five Focused Minutes
Just five minutes of undivided attention. No phone, no chores, can make your child feel truly heard and valued. Ask, “What was your favourite part of today?” Give them good eye contact and avoid distractions.
Leave a Surprise Note
Pop a doodle in their lunchbox or write “You’re amazing!” on a sticky note. It’s a small surprise with a lasting effect. It adds a little extra joy to the day.
Share Laughter
Tell silly jokes, dance badly, and sing loudly in the car. Laughter is a shortcut to connection and joy. Watch silly, childish movies with them.
Notice the Good
Instead of only correcting, try: “I saw how gently you spoke to your sister. That was kind.” This helps build confidence and character. Give them lots of positive I statements.
End the Day with Kindness
Create a simple bedtime ritual: “What made you happy today?” A loving end to the day builds safety and trust. It settles your child who feels reminded that you love them.
It’s the Little Things, Done with Love
You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present. The small things done consistently build a strong, joyful, and secure foundation for your child. So keep going. Never underestimate the influence you have on your child in simple matters.
“If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.”
Helping Your Child Find Balance in their busy life
Too many activities, too much pressure, and too little downtime can leave children overwhelmed. The good news? Balance can be taught. Home can be a space where your child learns to pause, play, and thrive. Read on to discover simple ways to bring more balance into your child’s life.
As parents, we want our children to thrive but sometimes, we accidentally give them too much. Too many clubs, too many lessons, too much screen time, or even too much pressure to “succeed.” The result? Stressed-out children who don’t know how to stop, breathe, or just be. In fact they can feel inadequate if they are not constantly in action. Classrooms are places where children learn how to balance the day between work and play.
But balance is something we can teach. Home life can be built around balance for a child.
Consider:
Spot the Imbalance
Start by observing your child’s week. Are they always rushing from one thing to the next? Is there time in their day for:
• Rest?
• Play (the unstructured, silly, no-goal kind)?
• Movement?
• Stillness?
• Time with you?
How about introducing a nothing day. Here your child can be creative, be still or enjoy not being accountable.
Teach the “Juggle” with Jars
Children are visual. Try this at home:
• Take three jars. Label them Work, Play, and Rest.
• Give your child 10 marbles (or buttons).
• Ask them to drop the marbles into the jars to show how they spent their day.
Most children will drop them all into “Work” (school, homework, chores) and “Play” (devices, sports). "Rest" is often forgotten.
Talk about it:
What could go into the "Rest" jar? Reading a quiet book? Drawing? Sitting in the garden? You’ll be surprised how much this simple activity gets them thinking and talking.
Model the Balance
Children copy what they see. If you never rest, they won’t think it’s allowed. If you always check your phone while talking to them, they learn to do the same.
Try this:
• Announce you're going for a 10-minute walk “to reset your brain.”
• Sit with a cup of tea and say, “I need a moment of quiet today.”
• Say “no” to something and explain why.
It doesn’t have to be perfect it just has to be real. Let them see how just being you is a comfortable space to live in.
Make “Bored” a Good Word
When your child says, “I’m bored,” don’t rush to fix it. Boredom is the starting block for being creative and problem-solving. Let them simply be bored for a while.
Example:
Jack (9) whined for half an hour that there was “nothing to do” one Sunday. His parents didn’t react. Ten minutes later, he’d turned the sofa into a pirate ship with a tea towel on his head.
Boredom worked. A child needs that kind of time to slow down their overthinking and just let it happen.
Balance Looks Different for Every Child
Some kids need quiet to recharge; others need movement. Some love a packed schedule; others melt under pressure. Every child is different and if you have more than one child I am sure you have noticed that already!
Ask regularly:
• “Are you enjoying what you’re doing?”
• “Is there something you’d like to do less of?”
• “Do you feel tired or happy at the end of the day?”
Make sure they are not trying to be overactive to simply prove how capable they are. You love them for just being them. This may mean that the pace is varied for different children in the family.
Balance is a Gift
Balance isn’t about getting everything right. It’s about giving our children the tools to check in with themselves, make choices, and build a life that works for them. It’s not just a childhood skill, it’s a life skill. When a child likes the balance in their life they can really savour different aspects of their world. For example, rest and recreation is as valuable as high level activity.
"I Just Don’t Know How to Help!" – A Parent’s Guide to Coping When School Gets Tough
Let’s take a closer look at how to gently support your child when school becomes a challenge. With slow, steady support, regular check-ins, and working through the ups and downs together, you’ll be showing them the kind of care that builds trust and resilience. Let’s break it down and explore how you can navigate this journey together.
Being a parent isn’t easy at the best of times, but when your child is upset about school or you’re worried they’re falling behind, it can feel overwhelming. You might wonder: Should I speak to the teacher? Should I push harder or back off? What if I make it worse?
You're not alone. Many parents feel this way. Let’s talk about what to do when school feels difficult for your child and for you.
Start with Listening
When a child says, “I hate school,” or “I’m bad at reading,” our instinct is often to jump in with reassurance or solutions. But first, just listen. Give them your full attention even just 5 minutes of focused listening can unlock what’s really going on.
Try saying:
• “I am wondering how school went today.”
• “That sounds tough. I’d feel upset too.”
Remember this is not about giving them the answers. At this stage it is simply listening and feeling their concern.
Break the Problem Into Small Pieces
Big school problems often have small, manageable parts. Once your child feels heard, you can gently help them name the problem.
Example issues:
• “I don’t get maths” might actually mean “I got stuck on subtraction.”
• “No one likes me” might mean “Two friends wouldn’t play with me today.”
Help your child zoom in. Small problems are easier to talk about and easier to solve. For the child at the time, they seem insurmountable.
Make a Simple Action Plan (Together)
Children feel more confident when they’re part of the solution. They need to feel ownership of the issue. Once you've listened and broken the problem down, brainstorm one small step together.
Examples of action steps:
• Practising reading at home to build confidence
• Writing a short note to the teacher about a worry
• Role-playing what to say to a friend at playtime
For you: Don’t hesitate to send a quick message to the teacher. A simple, kind email like “My child is a bit anxious about PE. Any suggestions?” can open a helpful door.
Let Go of "Perfect"
You don’t have to be a teacher or a therapist. You don’t need perfect answers. Children don’t need perfect parents. They need present ones. Just showing up, listening, and caring makes a huge difference.
If you're trying, you're already helping. Being authentic shows the child you are really wanting to help.
Some Reassurance
Most school struggles are temporary. Children are resilient and bounce back, especially when they have a parent who’s in their corner. This is not about solving the problem for them but being there, listening and together working on solutions. If you, the parent, take full ownership of their problem, they will disengage from it and they will have learnt nothing.
Example:
Tom, age 9, was refusing to go to school. After some gentle chats, his dad realized Tom was scared about changing seats. A quick word with the teacher helped, and they worked out a solution. Within a week, Tom was back at school and smiling.
One Last Thought
When school is tough, it can feel like you're both in the storm. But storms pass. What matters most is that your child knows you're by their side..With slow and steady support, recognizing that it is a problem for them is critical to their sense of security. Working through the problem together and checking in to see how they are going is the best way to show you care.
What AI Means for Your Child’s Education And How to Help Them Thrive
As technology continues to evolve, AI is becoming part of everyday life, including the classroom. For parents, this can feel both exciting and overwhelming. You don’t need to be a tech expert to support your child. What matters most is showing curiosity, openness, and a willingness to learn alongside them. Gail Smith explores what AI means for your child’s education and how you can use it to help them thrive, starting with open conversations at home.
Why it works:
• It’s a hot topic. Parents are hearing about AI everywhere but may not understand how it relates to school.
• It positions you as forward-thinking, offering clarity in an area full of uncertainty.
• It opens up a new parenting role: helping kids navigate the future, not just the present.
• It shows that you are listening to what's new and about.
What you could include:
• What’s already happening in schools: AI in homework tools, learning platforms, and even marking systems. Find out if the school has sent home any information.
• What kids are curious about or using: Chat GPT, Tik Tok etc.
• How to support healthy use: guiding curiosity, spotting misinformation, encouraging creativity, not cheating. Talk frequently about the use and abuse of such a tool as AI.
• Future skills to nurture: critical thinking, empathy, digital discernment. Talk about how different industries could use AI.
• Look up the web to see what the Education Department is writing about AI and what advice they have for parents.
Your child needs to see that you are not intimidated by change and that you carefully assess what is new and different. The more discussion with your child the better. Allow them to tell you what they know about AI.
“To be an effective learner we should be open to new and challenging concepts.”
Letting Go a Little: Why Gradual Independence Matters for Your Child’s Growth
Letting go a little doesn't mean stepping back; it means stepping alongside. Gail Smith shares how allowing our children to try, stumble, and learn with our support (not control) builds the confidence and independence they need to grow.
One of the hardest parts of parenting is knowing when to step back. We want to keep our children safe, happy, and successful, and sometimes that means we hold on too tightly and are frightened of them making mistakes. We need to start giving them gradual independence, little by little, day by day, even though some of this independence will mean making mistakes which can be upsetting.
We are not leaving them to figure things out alone. It means letting them try, stumble, learn, and succeed with our support, not our control. They learn to know we are there when really needed. If they think we are about control, they will step back and lose interest.
Why Does Gradual Independence Matter?
In today’s world, it can feel risky to let children do things on their own. However it is more risky not to enable your child to cope with the real world and to rely on others to solve problems. There’s pressure to protect them from failure, frustration, and even boredom. But the truth is:
✅ Children learn by doing, not by watching.
✅ Confidence comes from experience, not praise alone.
✅ Resilience is built through overcoming small challenges.
Gradually gaining independence awakens in the child a wonderful sense of personal satisfaction and confidence. It is quite liberating!
Real-Life Examples of Where It Matters
1. Getting Ready for School
It might be quicker (and tidier!) to pack their bag, zip their coat, and butter their toast. But every time we take over, we take away a learning opportunity.
💡 Instead:
Teach them how to check a simple morning list: bag packed, lunchbox in, coat on, shoes by the door. It’ll take patience at first, but it pays off fast, and they’ll feel proud doing it themselves.
2. Friendships and Play
If your child says, “He won’t play with me,” it’s tempting to jump in and fix it. But these small moments are chances to learn negotiation, sharing, and handling disappointment.
💡 Instead:
Ask questions like: “What could you try next time?” or “How do you think he felt?” Help them think through solutions but let them do the talking.
3. Homework and Learning
You want your child to succeed, so it’s natural to sit beside them and guide every step. But they need to learn how to think, not just how to get the answer. This may involve learning from mistakes.
💡 Instead:
Support them to plan their time, set up a quiet space, and check their own work. You’re building independence and responsibility. Homework is also the responsibility of the school and child, not the parent.
4. Problem Solving
From a forgotten jumper to a missed club, let children experience small consequences safely.
💡 Instead:
If they forget something, avoid racing to school with it. Next time, they’ll remember. These low stakes “failures” teach responsibility better than lectures ever could.
What Gets in the Way?
Fear of failure: We worry a mistake will hurt their confidence, but small stumbles teach big lessons.
Time pressure: Life is busy, and doing it ourselves is faster, but it delays learning.
Wanting to protect: We want to shield them from discomfort, but facing challenges with our support grows courage. Children want to feel in control.
How to Start Giving Gradual Independence
Think of it like riding a bike:
1. You hold the saddle.
2. You run beside them.
3. You let go... but stay nearby.
4. You cheer them on even if they wobble.
Every step tells them:
“You’re capable. I believe in you. I feel very happy when I see you showing independence.”
Final Thought: Independence Isn’t the End of Parenting, It’s Part of It
Gradual independence actually brings your child closer to you. It’s about walking beside them while they grow stronger legs. When we give children the space to try, we give them the chance to thrive, and they value the gradual freedom you give them.
So let go, just a little, and watch what they can do. See how creative and confident they become as they happily take charge of their own life.
As a parent remember to listen well
Children learn by example, and when parents practice active listening, they teach valuable communication skills. When a child feels heard, they understand that their thoughts and feelings matter, building their confidence and sense of self-worth. Gail Smith shares five compelling reasons why truly listening to your child is essential for their emotional and social development.
Here are five powerful reasons why parents need to truly listen to their child, each with a sharp and effective well-being message:
Small Problems Now Prevent Big Problems Later
When kids feel heard about small worries (like a bad day at school), they’re more likely to share big issues (like bullying or anxiety) later. Dismissing small concerns teaches them their voice doesn’t matter. Sometimes they cannot decipher between what is big and little with their worries.
Listening Builds Confidence, Not Silence
A child who feels listened to learns that their thoughts and feelings are important. A constantly interrupted or dismissed child learns to stay quiet, even when they desperately need help. Being silent, they feel is a safe position.
Strong Parent-Child Bonds Reduce Anxiety
Studies show that children who feel heard by their parents develop better emotional regulation and experience less anxiety and stress. Feeling understood creates a deep sense of security. If you are heard you are more confident in yourself.
Kids Who Are Heard Become Adults Who Speak Up
When parents actively listen, kids grow up with the confidence to set boundaries, express their needs, and advocate for themselves in friendships, school, and later in life. For them, talking up is their strength.
Unspoken Feelings Don’t Disappear—They Show Up in Behaviour
When children feel ignored, their emotions often turn into anger, defiance, withdrawal, or anxiety. Listening is the first step in helping them healthily process their feelings. They need to use their voice.
Remember children learn by example and if you are a good listener to others they will see how effective this is in communicating well. If a child feels that they are being listened to, they know they are valued and that what they have to say really matters.
“Be patient when listening to your child. You will hear so much but within their talk there is an important message that will come through.”
Understanding Your Child’s Weekly Challenges at School And How You Can Help
As a parent, understanding what your child faces at school can help you provide meaningful support at home. Here’s a guide to some common challenges children encounter and simple actionable ways to help them thrive.
School is a full-time job for children, filled with learning, social interactions, and daily challenges. As a parent, understanding what your child faces each week can help you provide meaningful support at home. Here’s a guide to some common challenges children encounter and practical ways you can help them navigate these experiences.
Academic Learning Challenges
Children are constantly absorbing new information, which can sometimes feel overwhelming. Some children take a longer time to process information, which can cause them stress.
How You Can Help:
• Ask specific questions: Instead of asking “How was school?” try “What was the most interesting thing you learned today?”
• Create a homework-friendly environment: A quiet, well-lit space helps children concentrate.
• Encourage a growth mindset: Praise effort, not just results. Saying, “I love how you kept trying!” builds resilience. It is the process of learning that is important.
• Use real-life learning opportunities: If they’re learning fractions, bake together. If it’s history, visit a museum or watch a documentary. Make learning fun.
Friendships and Social Dynamics
Navigating friendships, dealing with peer pressure, and handling conflicts are significant aspects of school life.
How You Can Help:
• Encourage open conversations: Ask about their friends, group activities, and how they felt during social interactions. Never criticize their choice of friends.
• Model positive social interactions: Show them how to manage conflicts calmly and respectfully in everyday life. Talk about your situations where being calm and steady were necessary.
• Teach empathy: Ask, “How do you think your friend felt?” to encourage perspective-taking.
Managing Expectations and Pressure
Children often feel pressure to perform academically, socially, or in extracurricular activities.
How You Can Help:
• Normalize mistakes: Share your own experiences of learning from failures.
• Help them prioritize: Teach time management with a simple planner or checklist.
• Balance activities: Ensure they have downtime to relax and just be kids.
• Celebrate small successes: Acknowledge their hard work, even if results aren’t perfect.
Handling Tiredness and Stress
A full school week can leave children mentally and physically drained. This can cause unwanted anxiety.
How You Can Help:
• Ensure enough sleep: Set a regular bedtime and limit screen time before bed. Keep their room suitably dark to help them sleep well.
• Promote relaxation techniques: Deep breathing, stretching, or listening to calming music can help. Sometimes having an ongoing art activity or jigsaw puzzle set up can be beneficial.
• Encourage outdoor play: Fresh air and movement help relieve stress. This can be through regular park visits or simply a kick of a ball in the backyard. Make exercise a regular part of their weekly routines.
• Check for over-scheduling: If they’re exhausted, it may be time to scale back commitments. This could include a complete break for a few days.
• Positive outlook: Try to keep a positive outlook in the home throughout the week. This reduces stress.
Building Confidence and Independence
As children grow, they need to develop self-confidence and independence in learning and decision-making. This is where you let them grow emotionally and socially.
How You Can Help:
• Let them solve problems: Instead of jumping in, guide them to find solutions.
• Give responsibilities at home: Small tasks like packing their school bag help build independence.
• Encourage self-advocacy: If they have an issue at school, discuss how they might talk to their teacher about it.
• Foster resilience: Teach them that setbacks are part of learning and encourage perseverance.
Final Thoughts
Just as we experience ups and downs across the week, just as we also feel tired, irritated and unhappy from time to time, so will our child. Your capacity to listen well to their concerns and to offer good counsel with not too much intervention is a helpful way to support their busy week. They need to live in a child's world which will mimic the ups and downs of adult life in some ways. Your hand will be there to guide them gently into making good choices that strengthen their foundation years.
Five simple but practical ideas for parents to find a balance between a busy life and dealing with school matters.
Balancing work, life, and your child’s school commitments can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. Gail Smith shares five simple yet practical tips to help busy parents stay engaged with their child’s education while managing their own demanding schedules. While perfection may be out of reach, these strategies can help you find a better, more manageable balance.
Consider these five simple but practical ideas for parents to balance their busy lives while staying engaged with your child’s school matters:
The 10-Minute School Check-in
Set aside just 10 minutes a day to ask about school—over breakfast, on the drive home, or at bedtime. Keep it simple: "What was the best part of your day?" or "Did anything tricky happen today?" Small conversations build strong connections without overwhelming your schedule.
Use Technology to Stay Updated
Sign up for school emails, apps, or newsletters to get quick updates without needing extra time. Skim through messages during coffee breaks or while waiting in line. If possible, set up alerts for key school dates so you don’t miss important events.
Prioritize What Really Matters
You don’t have to attend every event! Choose one or two school activities per term that fit your schedule, like a parents’ evening or a fun day. This keeps you involved without adding stress.
Turn Everyday Moments into Learning
Use daily tasks to support your child’s education. Cooking? Talk about measurements. Shopping? Discuss money and budgeting. This helps reinforce school skills without extra work.
Team Up with Other Parents
Share school runs, swap event updates, or take turns attending meetings and passing on key points. A parent support network lightens the load and keeps everyone informed.
School is ever present in your life as well as your own work demands. There is never a perfect balance, but finding opportunities to throw in a few educational moments and to simply enjoy your child, is so important across that busy week.
“There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one.”
Have a positive outlook with your child. It's great for strengthening mental health.
A positive mindset can help your child build essential life skills and create a happier, more harmonious family environment. Gail Smith shows you how you can nurture optimism and resilience at home.
Try to maintain a positive outlook with your child. The less they see and feel the pressures that can mount at home, the more content they will be. What a wonderful outcome if your child remembers their home life as happy and peaceful.
The illustrations below are all about developing good life skills around your child that will support a happy environment with your child.
Consider:
Acknowledge all the efforts
• Example: When your child studies hard but doesn’t get a perfect score, say, “I’m so proud of how much effort you put in. That’s what really matters!”
Reason: Focusing on effort encourages a growth mindset, which helps children view challenges as opportunities for growth rather than reasons to feel defeated.
• Acknowledge Their Feelings
Example: If your child is upset, try saying, “I can see you’re really sad about this. Let’s talk it through together.”
Reason: Validating their emotions instead of dismissing them teaches children that all feelings are normal and manageable. This approach helps them build emotional intelligence and feel comfortable expressing themselves.
• Use Positive Language When Discussing Mistakes
Example: If your child spills something, say, “No big deal! Let’s clean it up together.”
Reason: Framing mistakes as learning moments rather than failures helps children see that they can recover from setbacks, reducing fear of failure and building resilience.
• Express Genuine Interest in Their Day
Example: When your child comes home, ask, “What was the best part of your day?”
Reason: Showing consistent interest in their lives helps them feel valued, which strengthens their self-worth and builds trust, both essential for mental health.
• Model Optimism and Problem-Solving
Example: If plans change, say, “Looks like we have to change things, but I bet we’ll have a great time with the new plan!”
Reason: Children who see positive coping strategies from their parents are more likely to develop these habits themselves, leading to a stronger ability to handle stress and adapt to challenges.
In each of these ways, a positive approach reinforces a child’s belief in themselves, improves their ability to manage emotions, and provides tools for handling life’s ups and downs. This combination forms a strong foundation for good mental health as they grow.
“A positive outlook always lightens moods and brings in hope.”
Being interested in your child’s school has many benefits
Your child spends hours each day, over forty weeks a year, immersed in an environment different from home, facing various influences and challenges. Discover the benefits of staying engaged and involved in your child’s school life.
As a parent you are better connected to your child if you value and connect to their school. Remember your child spends five hours a day across forty weeks of the year living in a different world from you where there are many influences and challenges. Your child’s school invites you to be an active member of the work they do with your child. They understand the real difference it makes to your child when you are part of your child’s learning world.
Consider the following benefits:
Academic Progress
Regular communication helps parents stay informed about their child's achievements, challenges, and growth. This way, they can address any learning difficulties early and support their child in meeting academic goals. The more you know the better equipped you are to help.
Emotional Well-being
Children may face social or emotional challenges at school, like bullying or anxiety. By staying in touch with teachers, parents can better understand their child’s social experiences and work together to resolve any issues.
A Strong Parent-Teacher Partnership
Maintaining an open dialogue builds trust between parents and teachers. This partnership ensures everyone is on the same page when it comes to supporting the child’s education and development, creating a united front.
Being Informed About School Events and Changes
Schools regularly have events, programs, or changes to policies. Being in regular contact means parents won’t miss important updates, allowing them to be involved in their child's school life and prepared for any changes.
Encourage Positive Behaviour
When children see that their parents and teachers are connected and communicate often, they are more likely to take school seriously, respect rules, and stay motivated to do their best.
There is so much to enjoy for all the family in the life of a school. You will be enriched by that environment in which you have entrusted your child.
“Make your child’s school a destination for yourself.”
Practical tips for parents to help their children develop executive function skills
Are you struggling to boost your child's executive function skills at home? In this blog, Gail Smith shares simple yet practical tips to help improve their school performance with easy, everyday activities that can all operate from the home environment.
We are always keen to help our children improve their learning capacity at school. There are some practical and useful ways we can support them in this area. Many of the things you currently do may be also useful in supporting your child’s learning. Consider the ideas below that can all operate from the home environment. Perhaps you are currently using these techniques as part of your routine?
Create Daily Routines and Visual Schedules
Why: Routines build predictability, helping children develop organisation and time management skills.
How: Work with your child to create a visual schedule for school days, including tasks like homework, chores, and downtime. Use calendars, to-do lists, or apps that show progress, such as a checklist where they can cross off completed tasks.
Encourage Breaks and Time Management.
Why: Children learn to manage their focus and energy better when they alternate between work and rest. We all need to learn the balance.
How: Teach them to study for 25-minute blocks followed by 5-minute breaks (Pomodoro technique). Use timers to keep track, making it easier to stay focused and avoid burnout.
Use Games and Activities to Strengthen Working Memory
Why: Strong working memory helps children hold and use information for tasks like following instructions and solving problems.
How: Play memory-boosting games such as card-matching games, Simon Says, or apps designed to challenge working memory (e.g., puzzles or brain-training games).
Model and Teach Self-Regulation Strategies
Why: Self-regulation helps children manage emotions and impulses, crucial for staying on task and following through on assignments.
How: Practice mindfulness techniques together, such as deep breathing or counting to ten. Encourage them to pause before reacting impulsively to frustration or distractions.
Promote Independence Through Goal Setting and Reflection
Why: Setting goals fosters accountability and helps children develop problem-solving skills.
How: Start with small, achievable goals (e.g., “Complete maths homework by 5 PM”). Afterwards, discuss what worked and what could improve. This reflection builds self-awareness and teaches them to adjust their strategies over time.
These tips provide hands-on ways for parents to nurture their child’s executive function skills, making academic tasks easier and improving school performance. You will enjoy being actively involved with them and demonstrating how you also value ways to improve your ongoing learning.
“The wider the range of possibilities we offer children, the more intense will be their motivations and the richer their experiences.”
What lifelong lessons do you want your child to adopt?
While we teach our children many valuable lessons throughout their formative years, some hold a special, lasting significance that will undoubtedly benefit them well into adulthood. Gail Smith wisely compiled a list of important beliefs and practical strategies on how to effectively impart them to your children.
There are many lessons we teach our children but there are some that will have a longer life and will be of much value if they adopt them when they are adults. For example, you may teach your child how to ride a bike but how does that compare to teaching them how to be a well-rounded person with strong values and a love for life.
Consider the following beliefs and maybe some may particularly resonate with you:
"You are loved unconditionally."
Lesson: No matter what happens, you are always loved and accepted for who you are.
How to teach: Show affection through words and actions daily. When they make mistakes, reassure them that mistakes don’t change your love for them. This creates emotional security.
"Your feelings are valid."
Lesson: It's okay to feel angry, sad, happy, or confused. All emotions are part of being human.
How to teach: Acknowledge and talk through their emotions without judgement. If they’re upset, say, "I see you're upset; it's okay to feel that way. Let's figure it out together."
"It's okay to fail; failure is how we learn."
Lesson: Failure is a natural part of life and leads to growth.
How to teach: Share your own failures and what you learned from them. Encourage them to try new things without fear of messing up. Praise their efforts, not just their success.
"Be kind to yourself and others."
Lesson: Self-compassion is just as important as being kind to others.
How to teach: Model self-kindness by speaking positively about yourself in front of them. Teach empathy by helping them understand how others feel and encouraging acts of kindness.
"You are enough just as you are."
Lesson: You don’t need to change to be worthy of love and respect.
How to teach: Regularly remind them of their worth. Say things like, "You are amazing just the way you are." Celebrate their unique traits and talents, reinforcing that they don't need to compare themselves to others.
"Challenges make you stronger."
Lesson: Difficulties and obstacles help you grow and build resilience.
How to teach: When they face a challenge, encourage them to keep going, reassuring them that struggles are part of life. Share examples of people who overcame adversity and how it shaped them.
"You always have choices."
Lesson: Even in tough situations, you have the power to choose how you respond.
How to teach: Give them choices from a young age, allowing them to make decisions and understand the consequences. Teach them that they can’t control everything, but they can control how they react.
"Take care of your mind and body."
Lesson: Your mental and physical well-being are interconnected, and both need care.
How to teach: Teach healthy habits like eating well, staying active, and practicing mindfulness. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and take breaks when overwhelmed.
"Be true to yourself."
Lesson: Follow your heart, and don’t live to please others.
How to teach: Encourage self-expression and support their interests, even if they are different from your own. Reinforce the idea that their happiness is not about pleasing others but about being authentic.
"Life is a journey, not a race."
Lesson: There’s no need to rush; it’s okay to move at your own pace.
How to teach: Avoid pressuring them to achieve milestones quickly. Help them appreciate the process of learning and growing instead of focusing solely on outcomes.
Simply use life experiences to teach the above lessons. There will be plenty of occasions along their journey to adulthood to test some of the beliefs above. Keep in mind that your example of how you live life will be an important guideline for your child especially if they see that you are happy in the choices you make.
“Every child deserves a champion- an adult who understands the power of connection and insists that they become the best that can possibly be.”
Teaching children about the value of making good choices
It’s important to encourage our children to recognize the difference and to understand that their choices can shape their lives in profound ways. Who they become is a reflection of the decisions they make. Gail Smith emphasizes the importance of empowering children to make their own choices, highlighting the positive impact it can have on their growth and development.
We can all choose to make choices that can either hinder or enlighten our lives. For example you can choose to have a go or you can choose to not have a go. We should encourage our children to learn the difference and to understand that when we make those choices they can affect our life in different ways.
Who we are is a result of the choices we make.
Consider the following ideas about the impact on a child when they make their own choices:
Promotes Responsibility: When children learn that their choices have consequences, they develop a sense of accountability. They understand that choosing to work hard or make responsible decisions directly impacts their success and happiness.
Builds Self-Confidence: Allowing children to make choices reinforces their belief in their own abilities. Whether they succeed or fail, knowing that they had the power to choose builds confidence in their decision-making skills.
Fosters Independence: By making their own decisions, children learn to rely on themselves instead of always seeking approval or guidance from others. This fosters independence and helps them navigate life with more confidence.
Develops Critical Thinking: When children are taught to weigh the pros and cons of their choices, they develop critical thinking skills. They learn how to assess situations, predict outcomes, and make thoughtful decisions rather than impulsive ones.
Supports Emotional Growth: Understanding that they have control over their actions and thoughts (e.g. choosing to think positively) helps children manage their emotions. They learn that their choices can influence how they feel and respond to situations, which is key to emotional resilience.
These lessons empower children to shape their lives with intention and self-awareness. Don’t forget to affirm them when you see positive outcomes from choices they make themselves.
“The more a child experiences positive outcomes from making good choices, the more insight they develop about themselves.”
Lasting memories of a childhood
Gail Smith fondly reminisces about her childhood companion, a beloved doll named Barbara. Even as an adult, with life full of daily challenges, Barbara still evokes sweet memories of simpler times. Gail hopes that every child finds their own "Barbara"—a source of comfort and cherished memories that will last a lifetime.
I remember Barbara, just stunning! I recently pulled her out of a dusty box that was labelled, ‘old goods’. How could that be? Barbara looked to me as fresh and alive as the day I met her. I was six and she was to be my companion doll for several long years, as I was an only child. Her bright blue eyes slowly opened and closed, Sometimes I carefully pulled down the heavy, thick dark eyelashes. I would think she was once again doing that all familiar wink and reassurance that she was there just for me.
I noticed her dress. It had been sewn together by my mother using scraps from a box. I remember thinking how clever it must have been to sew pieces of material together. They were from the factory in which my mother worked. She would often bring remnants of material home, and they all ended up in this one tall box.
Barbara seemed a little lighter than I remember her and sadly her left leg had come away from the plastic joint. I remember that had she visited a doll’s hospital to get that problem fixed or so I was told and I waited what seemed forever to get her home. She must have missed me terribly. I also had a memory flash of times when Barbara and I would have tea parties with my cat on the lawn. Strange isn’t it, as I now have allergies to cats. I wondered when I stopped liking them as I find them now a menace to my health.
Memories started to flow of times when Barbara and I would chat about who, where and what was in my small world. A few broken lines from songs came to mind, that as a child I sang, long since forgotten. At least they were a remnant of happy songs which now have faded into obscurity. It wasn’t an easy childhood, but Barbara was always there. She seemed to wear that same reassuring look and would on occasion with my encouragement, by pulling down her eyelash, give me a wink.
These scattered memories took me into a happy, secure place and reminded me, that as a child, we take with us various images that can still play a small part in our older life. Thanks Barbara! I will now show my appreciation by placing you on a shelf where I can glance at you occasionally when I have those darker moments. I know you will be a stable, secure influence that I take from my somewhat disheveled childhood. You will always have those bright, red cheeks and your hair will look so smart, not a wave out of place. I like that idea of stillness and stability.
I wonder what all our children today will take with them into adulthood.As parents, we help in creating some of those lasting images and in every child. I hope they find their Barbara.
What lessons in life do you want to teach your children?
As parents, we teach our children countless lessons, but some hold a special significance in shaping their happiness and balance in life. The five lessons below are particularly important to instill, not through grand gestures, but through authenticity and sharing our everyday experiences. Ultimately, being truthful and genuine in our interactions with our children is the most powerful way to guide them.
There are many lessons we teach our children, but some should have more reticence than others for our children to have happy well-balanced lives. Consider the five lessons below and it may be worth reflecting on how we teach our children these lessons.
Kindness Matters
Lesson: Always treat others with kindness and respect, no matter the situation.
How Taught: You've modelled kindness in your own interactions, showing empathy and compassion in everyday situations, whether it's helping a neighbour or speaking politely to strangers.
Be True to Yourself
Lesson: Stay true to who you are, even when it's difficult. Your uniqueness is your strength.
How Taught: You've encouraged your child to pursue their passions and supported them in making choices that align with their values, even if those choices are different from the norm.
Learn from Mistakes
Lesson: Mistakes are part of life. Learn from them and keep moving forward.
How Taught: You've shared your own mistakes openly and discussed what you learned from them. You've also reassured your child that it’s okay to fail, as long as they try again.
Hard Work Pays Off
Lesson: Success comes from hard work and perseverance, not just luck.
How Taught: You've demonstrated a strong work ethic, whether through your job or personal projects, and involved your child in tasks that require effort and patience, showing them the value of dedication.
Take Care of Yourself
Lesson: Your well-being is important. Take care of your mind and body.
How Taught: You've prioritized self-care in your own life, whether through exercise, healthy eating, or taking time to relax. You’ve also encouraged your child to express their feelings and take breaks when needed.
It is amazing what a child takes into their life from their childhood. Your efforts need be no more than being authentic and sharing your life with your child. Best to make it worthwhile for both you and your child.
“Leave your child with memories of a happy, well-balanced childhood. It pays dividends for them in their older life.”
Be Present for your child. It supports their mental Health
Being present for your child is one of the most impactful things you can do as a parent. It’s not about grand gestures or extravagant outings; it’s the simple, healthy, and regular engagement that truly nourishes your child's spirit and sense of well-being. Gail Smith emphasizes that these consistent interactions are crucial for your child's mental health. Read on to find out why.
Being present for your child is one of the most impactful things you can do as a parent.
Here are five outstanding reasons why your presence is crucial, particularly for your child’s mental health:
Emotional Security and Trust
When parents are consistently present, children feel secure knowing that they have a reliable support system. This sense of security forms the foundation for trust, which is essential for healthy emotional development.
Mental Health Impact: A secure attachment with parents reduces anxiety and stress, fostering resilience and emotional stability.
Building Self-Esteem
Parental presence, through active engagement and positive reinforcement, helps children develop a strong sense of self-worth. They feel valued when their parents show interest in their thoughts, feelings, and activities.
Mental Health Impact: High self-esteem is closely linked to lower rates of depression and anxiety. Children who feel good about themselves are more likely to take on challenges and develop healthy social relationships.
Role Modelling Positive Behaviour
Children learn by observing their parents. When parents are present, they can model positive behaviours such as empathy, patience, and problem-solving skills, which children are likely to emulate.
Mental Health Impact: Positive role modelling helps children develop healthy coping mechanisms and social skills, reducing the likelihood of developing mental health issues related to poor interpersonal relationships.
Supporting Emotional Expression
Being present allows parents to create a safe space for their children to express their emotions. When children know they can share their feelings without judgement, they learn to process emotions in a healthy way.
Mental Health Impact: This open communication reduces the risk of emotional repression, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges later in life.
Enhancing Cognitive Development
Active involvement in your child’s learning and development—through play, reading, or helping with homework—stimulates their cognitive growth. It also encourages a love for learning and curiosity.
Mental Health Impact: Cognitive stimulation and a positive learning environment reduce stress and anxiety related to school and social pressures. This, in turn, promotes a healthier mental state and a more positive outlook on life.
You can be present with your child in many and varied ways. It does not require perfection but simple healthy, regular engagement with your child nourishes their spirit and sense of well being.
“Enjoy the moments with your child. They become hours, days and fruitful years.”
Mental well being needs to be nourished over the years
Building a healthy mental state in children doesn't happen overnight—it's about cultivating steady, consistent habits within the family. When children learn to explore and inquire about life, they become more resilient, embracing challenges rather than fearing them. Gail Smith offers practical suggestions to help boost your child's mental health, fostering a mindset where curiosity and confidence flourish.
There is no quick fix to building a healthy mental state with our children. Slow steady consistent habits developed in your family can be great boosters for mental health.
Consider:
Affirm the small achievements.
They do not need to be on a large scale but you recognize in your child some simple milestones that they have made. That could be at school, sporting efforts, improved attitudes, showing generosity, demonstrating gratitude etc.
Give them the liberty of talking about issues.
Sometimes we jump in fairly quickly and can place judgement on what they have to say. Just be an effective listener without showing strong opinions and let the conversation flow. You may learn something interesting.
Play and enjoy their childhood.
A happy child who plays often and lives in a world where they can be creative and free show a greater ability to be less stressed throughout life. We all need a good childhood. Play with them.
Gradually build their independence.
From birth, a child is working to be more independent. Your support in giving them small opportunities as the years go by, will give them personal satisfaction in managing themselves. As they grow in independence, they feel emotionally in charge and ready for more challenges. They accept failure more easily and see it as a learning curve.
Let them think critically
A critical thinking child develops strong emotional independence. Talk frequently to your child and let them ask questions often. Guide them in thinking about optional viewpoints and keep their minds open to new ideas. A closed mind is dangerous
A child who learns to inquire about life is not frightened about the challenges it offers. In fact they invite them.
“Those foundation years need ongoing nourishment and enrichment to keep developing good mental health.”
Self Care Tips for Busy Parents
Remember, a tired parent may find it challenging to give their best to their child. It's essential to prioritize your own happiness and health, as it directly impacts your ability to parent effectively. Gail Smith offers nine practical suggestions to help you create a personal well-being routine. Taking time for yourself amidst the busyness of each day is key to feeling fulfilled and being the best parent you can be.
A tired parent will struggle to offer their best to their child. As a parent, remember that your well-being is important in managing all the roles you are asked to fill. The happier you feel about your own well-being, the better you will parent your child. Every busy day, there should be some space for yourself.
Here are nine suggestions to build your own personal well being package.
Mini Meditation Sessions
Make five minutes each day for a quick meditation session. Use a meditation app or simply sit quietly, focusing on your breath. Even short moments of mindfulness can reduce stress and improve mental clarity.
Prioritize Sleep
Establish a consistent bedtime routine and aim for quality sleep. Even if you can't get a full eight hours, prioritise rest by winding down with a book, reducing screen time before bed, and creating a calming sleep environment.
Move Your Body
Incorporate short bursts of physical activity into your day. A 10-minute walk, a quick yoga session, or a brief dance break with your kids can boost your mood and energy levels.
Delegate Tasks
Don't be afraid to ask for help or delegate tasks. Share household responsibilities with your partner or older children, and consider outsourcing certain chores if possible, such as grocery delivery or hiring a cleaner. Ask yourself the question, “does everything need to be done today?”
Enjoy a Hobby
Set aside a few minutes each day or week for an activity you love, whether it's reading, knitting, painting, or gardening. Engaging in a hobby can be a great way to relax and recharge.
Connect with Friends
Schedule regular catch-ups with friends, even if it's just a quick phone call or a virtual coffee chat. Maintaining social connections is important for emotional well-being and can provide a much-needed support system.
Practice Gratitude:
Spend a few minutes each day reflecting on what you're grateful for. Keeping a gratitude journal or simply noting three things you're thankful for can shift your focus to positive aspects of your life.
Take Micro-Breaks:
Throughout your day, take micro-breaks to stretch, breathe deeply, or simply step outside for a moment. These short pauses can help refresh your mind and reduce accumulated stress.
Develop a Sense of Humour.
When you laugh especially at yourself you feel better and begin to take things less seriously. This is great for your well being.
Mindfulness teaches us to focus on the moment and to enjoy the experience that we are living in at the time. By developing an optimistic outlook and celebrating the great work you are doing, rather than questioning what isn’t done well, will soften your feelings about yourself and enable you to savour the day.
Taking time to rest and recharge yourself makes you more attentive as a parent
-Gail J Smith
Keep A Look Out For Signs Of Stress In Your Child
In today's world, we often check in on our children's mental health. Social media and other challenges faced by youth remind us to stay vigilant. Gail Smith points out some common triggers that may indicate your child is under too much stress. By recognizing these signs, you can better gauge your child's well-being and offer support when needed. It's important to keep an eye out for these cues to ensure your child feels safe and supported.
We live in a world where we intermittently check in on our children's mental health. The pressures through social media and other youth-driven challenges alert us to the need to be vigilant. Below are some known triggers that can be a sign of unacceptable stress in your child. Some stress is normal, and we live with it, finding ways to work it through our life. However, when stress is out of control, we need to intervene. Occasionally tap into your child's well-being index by checking in to these signs:
Changes in Sleep Patterns
Difficulty falling or staying asleep or frequent nightmares can indicate stress. Conversely, a child may sleep excessively to escape stressful feelings.
Behavioural Changes
Increased irritability, mood swings, or withdrawal from family and friends can be signs of stress. A usually outgoing child becoming withdrawn or a calm child suddenly acting out can be indicators.
Physical Symptoms
Complaints of headaches, stomachaches, or other unexplained physical symptoms can manifest as stress. These symptoms often occur without a medical cause and can be recurring.
Academic Performance
A sudden drop in grades, lack of interest in school, or difficulty concentrating on schoolwork can be signs of stress. Stress can impact cognitive functions and overall academic engagement. Always check first with the teacher.
Changes in Eating Habits
Noticeable changes in appetite, such as eating much more or much less than usual, can be a response to stress. This includes skipping meals or binge eating.
Regression to Earlier Behaviours
Reverting to behaviours typical of a younger age, such as bed wetting, clinginess, or thumb-sucking, can indicate that a child is experiencing stress and is seeking comfort.
Frequent Crying
A child who cries easily or often without a clear reason may be experiencing stress. This can be a way for them to release pent-up emotions.
Avoidance Behaviours
A child might try to avoid certain situations or activities that they previously enjoyed, or that are typical for their age group. This could include avoiding school, social events, or specific tasks.
Increased Dependency
A stressed child may become more clingy or dependent on their parents or caregivers, seeking constant reassurance and comfort.
Excessive Worrying or Fearfulness
Persistent worry about various aspects of their life, including school, family, or friends, can be a sign of stress. This might manifest as asking repetitive questions about upcoming events or expressing fears that seem disproportionate to the situation.
When you build a relationship that is open and honest with your child, you will find that your child is more willing to talk to you about their feelings of stress. The above thoughts are just a guiding tool to raise your awareness of symptoms of unacceptable stress that may appear in your child from time to time.
The stress your child feels will be lightened by your ever loving and understanding presence. -Gail J Smith
Be Authentic With Your Child - It Builds Strong And Trusting Relationships
When you're true to yourself, parenting becomes more natural and fulfilling, devoid of the pressure to pretend or conform to unrealistic expectations. Gail Smith highlights the profound benefits of authenticity in nurturing your child's growth and fostering a deeper connection based on honesty and mutual understanding.
Builds Trust
When you are honest and genuine with your child, you build a foundation of trust. They learn that they can rely on you to be truthful, which strengthens your bond and makes them feel secure. This means that they will come to you more with tricky problems.
Models Healthy Relationships
Being real with your child shows them how to have healthy, authentic relationships. They see how to express their feelings, communicate openly, and resolve conflicts, which are vital skills for their future interactions. This encourages strong stable friendships with others.
Encourages Emotional Growth
Children learn how to process and express their emotions by observing their parents. When you are authentic about your own feelings, you teach your child that it's okay to feel and express a wide range of emotions. Your child becomes less intimidated to express their feelings in front of others.
Promotes Self-Acceptance
When parents are real, it shows children that it's okay to be themselves. They learn that they don't have to hide their true selves to be loved and accepted, fostering their self-esteem and self-acceptance. This is all about liking yourself, and you do not need to prove anything to others.
Enhances Communication
Being genuine encourages open and honest communication. Your child will feel more comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with you, leading to better understanding and connection. This means they feel in an environment of complete trust.
Prepares Them for the Real World
Life isn't always perfect, and being authentic helps your child understand this reality. They learn to deal with disappointments, setbacks, and challenges more effectively when they see their parents handling real-life situations with honesty and resilience.
Being authentic allows you to be yourself in all its glory and with all its failures. Your child needs to see the real you and to learn from your life journey. It is so much easier parenting when you are not pretending to be something different.