How do you encourage positivity and a belief in your child’s ability to be an achiever? Dive into the world of positivity and belief in your child's potential with Gail Smith, as she unveils the secrets to fostering a growth mindset in your child.
Read MoreThis blog shares a few parenting tips on feeling and growing confident in being the best parent possible.
Read MoreCall it what you like but this is all about teaching your child that you can look at life in various ways. The best and most positive way to go forward is to develop a growth mindset and not a fixed mindset. This is all about looking at situations and seeing how it can be understood from a position that will lead to growth, new understandings etc.
This is all about understanding that the growth of your capabilities is all about how you manage it. As a parent we encourage our child to see situations as positive opportunities rather than having a fixed outlook. For example, if a child comes home from school and talks about how he didn’t play well at lunchtime with his friends and so he will not play with them again. After all he feels better to not go where he has failed. This is definitely a fixed mindset. Rather we would be teaching our child to consider talking to his friends about the game or perhaps playing a different game with them. Whatever the discussion, it is about not seeing the incident as failure but an opportunity for growth.
We can help develop enlightening in the child, the idea that we learn from anything we do.
“Sounds like you need to talk to your friends about games that work for everyone.”
Frequently talking this way about incidences that have not gone well is teaching the child that there are many ways at looking at situations and the best way forward can be to use a failed situation to improve yourself.
“You seem upset that the test didn’t go well. How about talking to the teacher about what went wrong so that you can get better at that problem.”
Here you are reflecting on the fixed outcome and turning it into an opportunity.
“Oh, dear the sandcastle fell down. Let’s look in the bucket to see how we can make a better one.”
By having the mindset that you will encourage your child to see the problem from a growth aspect teaches them how to approach situations that are not successful. Also, in your own life modelling how, you reflect on failed situations, turning them into a learnt process is important for the child to observe how you manage situations.
In working with children that felt unsuccessful and would give up easily, teachers would often invite them to set small goals or simply lay out in front of them different ways to see the problem. This was all about looking at re-framing the issue.
When I worked with children who seemed to have a fixed mindset about situations, we would discuss all the positive things that could be derived from the situation. We would often list them and discuss what we learnt from them.
“You seem to be unhappy that you cannot do spelling very well. Let’s look at the words you got correct that shows that you can spell”.
This article is about enlightening in the child the idea that we learn from anything we do. This especially includes when things go wrong. These occasions give us a chance to continue to get better. It is all about finding that hope is in every situation if you look hard enough.
“Anyone who has not made a mistake has never tried anything. ”
Have you ever noticed that you sound like your parents when talking to your child? Or perhaps you work hard to parent very differently from your parents? Whatever your style, consider developing a growth mindset in engaging with your child.
This is about being open to ideas that your child might suggest that are not consistent with how you normally operate. It can be trying new things that are different or just experimental moments as a family.
It's about accepting that mistakes occur and that it takes time effort and some risks to move forward.
A fixed mindset is about being reserved and not keen to take risks of any kind. Taking the predictable and certain route forward. It is about being safe and certain with regard to the outcomes. Your child will keep providing challenges for you and it is worth reflecting on what kind of a mindset you give to their suggestions.
When working with children who were keen to explore different ways of being, it was not uncommon to hear them say
“It won't work in my home” or “it's not worth taking that idea to mum.”
This suggests that they understand the fixed mindset of their parents and as such ideas and suggestions are not brought forward at home.
I suggest keeping an open model at home that encourages varied conversations and applauds new ideas and initiatives that may be worth exploring or at least discussing.
I suggest inviting your child to come up with suggestions for working through family matters.
"I really love new ideas.”
"Sometimes it's great doing things differently”
"Have you got some other ideas that might help?”
I know of one family who awards the child that has the most creative idea for the week.
Our children are growing up in a world where developing a growth mindset will give them the confidence to experiment, try new initiatives and fit into a very flexible world. Predictability may not be the order of the day.
By being open to including your child in family discussions and brainstorming, you are being consistent with how children learn at school. This method is called the Inquiry approach and children are encouraged to ask questions, try out ideas and explore options. This is how best they learn.
So consider the following:
How's your mindset?