Relax, Parents: Childhood Is a Long Journey, Not a Sprint

Parents often feel the weight of “getting it right” every single moment. The truth is, raising children isn’t about perfect reactions in every situation, it’s about creating an environment where children feel trusted, respected, and free to grow into themselves. There is no rush. Growing up takes time.

Children are Smarter Than We Think

Your child notices how you response, whether you micromanage or step back with calm confidence. When you treat them as intelligent individuals, they rise to it. For example, a 6-year-old asked to help set the table may not place the cutlery perfectly, but the pride in their independence is far more valuable than straight forks.

Independence is Built in the Small Moments

Children naturally want to do things “by myself.” That’s not defiance, it’s growth. Let them tie their shoes (even if it takes forever) or choose their outfit (even if it clashes). Every act of independence you allow teaches problem-solving and confidence. They are happier in themselves when seeking independence.

Relaxing Builds Trust

When parents hover, children feel doubt: “Maybe I can’t do this.” But when you relax and show faith in them, they learn resilience. Think of a parent at the playground: one hovers nervously at every step; another watches from a distance, ready if needed. Which child is more likely to climb, fall, try again, and succeed? Have more confidence in your child and yourself.

The Long Haul Matters Most

Childhood isn’t about who reads first, ties shoes fastest, or gets perfect grades early on. It’s about building a foundation of security, curiosity, and persistence. Relaxing now allows your child to explore, stumble, and develop the strength they’ll need later in life.

So the next time you feel like correcting, rushing, or fixing, pause. Take a breath. Smile. Remember: parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. And sometimes the best gift you can give your child is the freedom to try, fail, and learn, while you watch with calm confidence.

“When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions’ it’s our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.”

— LR KNOST

Letting Go, Little by Little: The Power of Gradual Independence

As parents, our natural instinct is to protect, guide, and sometimes even hover or else do the tasks for the child. But one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the confidence to step out on their own, bit by bit. Slow and steady wins the race both for the child and the anxious parent. It is a learning process for both the child and parent.

Gradual independence isn’t about throwing them in the deep end. It’s about teaching them to swim with you nearby, cheering them on. It’s a process that builds resilience, confidence, and problem-solving skills that last a lifetime. It teaches them how to learn effectively. Great process for building self esteem and strengthening mental health.

Why It Matters

Children need to feel capable. When we do everything for them, they may grow dependent—or worse, afraid to try. But when we coach rather than control, they learn to trust themselves. We also start to feel comfortable in letting go the reins. We need to understand that this is better parenting than keeping the controls all the time.

Practical Ways to Start

Here are some age-appropriate ways to encourage independence:

• For young children (3–7):

  Let them choose their outfit (even if it’s socks with sandals), help pack their lunch, or water the plants. Give praise for effort, not perfection. At an early age start giving them independent opportunities.

• For tweens (8–12):

  Let them manage their homework schedule, ride their bike to a friend’s house, or cook a simple meal. Let them try, then learn from mistakes in a safe space where there is only encouragement.

• For teens (13+):

  Involve them in decision-making, budgeting, planning outings, or solving their own friendship issues. Offer support, but resist jumping in too quickly. With social media work with them in deciding on what is suitable for them to view and use.

Real-Life Example

Ella, age 10, wanted to walk the dog alone. Her parents first walked behind her at a distance. The next week, she went solo but carried a phone. Today, she walks the dog confidently every morning. One small step, huge growth.

The Catch?

Yes, it can be messy. There may be forgotten lunchboxes, missed buses, or burnt toast. But those hiccups are how children learn and how parents learn to let go (just a little). Affirm all their efforts even if they are unsuccessful. They need to see that you value their efforts to be independent.

Final Word

Think of gradual independence as giving your child a toolkit. The earlier they learn to use it, the more prepared they’ll be when life really begins to test them. It will become more automatic for them overtime to work on problem issues themselves. There is nothing more satisfying than solving problems yourself!

So start small. Watch them grow. And remember, your goal isn’t to hold on forever. It’s to cheer them on as they fly. It is also a known fact, ask any teacher that a child learns faster and with confidence when they expect to do things for themselves. Dependent children become too reliant on others to give them solutions.

“In teaching me independence of thought, they have given me the greatest gift an adult can give to a child besides love and they had given me that also.”

— Bryce Courtenay

The Little Things That Matter Most: How Small Moments Shape Your Child’s World

It’s easy to think we need to do something big to make a difference in our child’s life. But often, it’s the little things that mean the most. A small act of love or attention can stay in a child’s heart forever.

In the busyness of life, these tiny moments often go unnoticed. But to your child, they are powerful. They say: You matter. I see you. I’m here.

Here are a few simple ways to make a big impact:

Say Their Name with Love

Start the day with: “Good morning, Tom! I missed that smile!” It lifts their spirit and strengthens your bond. Using their name is a powerful way of connecting to a child.

Give Five Focused Minutes

Just five minutes of undivided attention. No phone, no chores, can make your child feel truly heard and valued. Ask, “What was your favourite part of today?” Give them good eye contact and avoid distractions.

Leave a Surprise Note

Pop a doodle in their lunchbox or write “You’re amazing!” on a sticky note. It’s a small surprise with a lasting effect. It adds a little extra joy to the day.

Share Laughter

Tell silly jokes, dance badly, and sing loudly in the car. Laughter is a shortcut to connection and joy. Watch silly, childish movies with them.

Notice the Good

Instead of only correcting, try: “I saw how gently you spoke to your sister. That was kind.” This helps build confidence and character. Give them lots of positive I statements.

End the Day with Kindness

Create a simple bedtime ritual: “What made you happy today?” A loving end to the day builds safety and trust. It settles your child who feels reminded that you love them.

It’s the Little Things, Done with Love

You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present. The small things done consistently build a strong, joyful, and secure foundation for your child. So keep going. Never underestimate the influence you have on your child in simple matters.

“If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.”

— Brainyquote.com

Raise a Hopeful Child: The Power of a Proactive Parent

As parents, we often find ourselves reacting to moods, meltdowns, lost lunchboxes, and unexpected worries. What if, instead of reacting, we became proactive in shaping the way our children see the world?

Taking a proactive stand isn’t just about routines and boundaries (though those matter). It’s about becoming a quiet architect of your child’s mindset, helping them build resilience, hope, and the ability to look for opportunity even in tough times.

Why Proactive Parenting Matters for Mental Health

Children’s mental health isn’t only about what goes wrong, anxiety, sadness, or stress but about what’s built up before those moments. A proactive approach gives your child tools to handle life before it overwhelms them. It's a map through the storm. A positive outlook in a parent is very catchy with their child.

1. Speak the Language of Possibility

Children are always listening. Every time we say, “That’s too hard,” they absorb that as truth. But if we say, “Let’s try,” or “We’ll figure it out,” we are teaching them to hope. Anything is possible is the motto.

Try this:

Instead of: “Maths is hard, isn’t it?”

Say: “This looks tricky, but let’s see what we can do.”

Over time, your child starts to think, “I can try,” rather than, “I’m stuck.”

2. Name Strengths, Not Just Struggles

It’s easy to focus on what children aren’t doing — not sitting still, not finishing homework, not listening. But if we call out what is working, we help them see themselves as capable.

Example:

“You really kept going, even when that puzzle was frustrating. That’s called perseverance. It’s a brilliant strength.” Naming the good makes it grow. Be an opportunist, spot the strengths.

3. Model Hope, Even in Small Things

If your child sees you problem-solve calmly, laugh at mistakes, and stay optimistic, they’re more likely to do the same. Be authentic when dealing with your child.

For instance:

When plans change unexpectedly, say:

“Well, that’s not what we thought would happen! Let’s make a Plan B.”

This shows them that life doesn’t have to go perfectly to go well.

4. Ask Empowering Questions

When your child is upset, don’t rush in with solutions. Instead, invite them to think.

• “What do you think we could try next?”

• “What helped last time?”

• “If your friend felt like this, what would you say to them?”

These questions grow problem-solving skills and emotional confidence.

What’s the Takeaway?

Being proactive isn’t about being perfect. It’s about planting seeds of courage, optimism, and hope in the everyday moments. It’s small words, quiet praise, and helping your child look ahead instead of feeling stuck.

“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.”

— Helen Keller

Raising a Confident Child in Today’s Classroom: 5 Surprising Ways Parents Can Help

Let’s face it: school can be a confidence minefield. Whether it’s answering a question in front of the class, navigating friendship drama, or simply speaking up when they need help, many children hold back, often because they don’t believe in themselves and they are just not socially sure of themselves.

As a parent, you’re in the perfect position to quietly build that belief. Confidence needs to be lived, practised, and grown like a muscle.

Here are 5 innovative, real-world ideas to help your child grow in confidence at school and beyond.

1. Let Your Child Be the Expert (at Home and in Public)

Why it works: When children teach something, they feel powerful and valued. Explaining ideas helps them process and internalize knowledge, and boosts their confidence to speak out in class.

Try this:

• Ask your child to explain a concept they’re learning like fractions, life cycles, or even a new word and record a mini “teaching video” for a grandparent or cousin.

• Out in the world? Ask them to order the food, check the train times, or explain a museum exhibit to you like they’re your tour guide.

The more they hear their own voice doing real life activities in a responsible way the more they grow sure of themselves.

2. Schedule One “Mini Risk” a Week

Why it works: Confidence comes from doing, especially things that feel a bit uncomfortable. Regular small challenges build resilience and trust in their own ability.

Try this:

Make a “Mini Risk Jar” with your child. Fill it with fun, doable dares:

• Ask a new friend to play

• Try a new club

• Put your hand up once a day

• Present a joke at dinner

• Talk about any risks you have taken recently.

Celebrate attempts, not outcomes. Praise the trying, not the success. Comment on the effort made and how this is successful.

3. Ditch “Be Confident”. Say This Instead

Why it works: “Be confident” is vague. Kids need tools. Swapping language helps them link confidence to specific actions.

Try this:

Replace “Be confident” with:

• “Speak like you’re helping someone understand”

• “Stand like a superhero, feet planted, eyes up”

• “Remember, your voice is a gift”

Real story: A dad told his son, “Stand like Spider-Man before he saves the day.” The next morning, the boy stood taller during show-and-tell and actually smiled.

4. Let Them Hear You Fail (and Bounce Back)

Why it works: Children often believe adults are always right, always perfect. When you model what it looks like to get something wrong and keep going, you give them permission to do the same. Be authentic and let them see the real you with warts and all.

Try this:

• Talk aloud about your mistakes: “I totally messed up that email but here’s how I fixed it.”

• Share how you felt, what you did next, and how you kept perspective.

“I told my son about how I froze during a meeting. He said, ‘That’s like when I forgot my line in the play!’ Suddenly, we were teammates.”

5. Confidence Grows in the Quiet, Too

Why it works: Not all confidence is loud. Some children shine by preparing quietly and leading gently. That’s not shyness, it’s strength.

Try this:

• Create “backstage” confidence moments: help them prep for a class talk with cue cards or rehearse a social scenario with stuffed animals.

• Praise thoughtful acts: “You noticed Ella was left out. That’s real leadership.”

• Remind them: confidence isn’t always about being first, it’s about being ready.

• Affirm those quiet moments when you notice behaviour that is helpful to others.

A Final Word

Confidence is not a personality trait—it’s a learnt skill. And like any skill, it grows best with practice, praise, and patience. Every child will be different in how they show confidence and for some it is a slow, steady progress. We need to be patient.

You don’t need to push your child to be the loudest, the fastest, or the most outgoing. You just need to show them they’re seen, heard, and capable, especially when they doubt it. Let them develop their voice in their own time.

Start small. Celebrate progress. And trust that each brave step they take, no matter how tiny, is shaping a stronger future.

What AI Means for Your Child’s Education And How to Help Them Thrive

Why it works:

• It’s a hot topic. Parents are hearing about AI everywhere but may not understand how it relates to school.

• It positions you as forward-thinking, offering clarity in an area full of uncertainty.

• It opens up a new parenting role: helping kids navigate the future, not just the present.

• It shows that you are listening to what's new and about.

What you could include:

• What’s already happening in schools: AI in homework tools, learning platforms, and even marking systems. Find out if the school has sent home any information.

• What kids are curious about or using: Chat GPT, Tik Tok etc.

• How to support healthy use: guiding curiosity, spotting misinformation, encouraging creativity, not cheating. Talk frequently about the use and abuse of such a tool as AI.

• Future skills to nurture: critical thinking, empathy, digital discernment. Talk about how different industries could use AI.

• Look up the web to see what the Education Department is writing about AI and what advice they have for parents.

Your child needs to see that you are not intimidated by change and that you carefully assess what is new and different. The more discussion with your child the better. Allow them to tell you what they know about AI.

“To be an effective learner we should be open to new and challenging concepts.”

— Gail J Smith

Letting Go a Little: Why Gradual Independence Matters for Your Child’s Growth

One of the hardest parts of parenting is knowing when to step back. We want to keep our children safe, happy, and successful, and sometimes that means we hold on too tightly and are frightened of them making mistakes. We need to start giving them gradual independence, little by little, day by day, even though some of this independence will mean making mistakes which can be upsetting.

We are not leaving them to figure things out alone. It means letting them try, stumble, learn, and succeed with our support, not our control. They learn to know we are there when really needed. If they think we are about control, they will step back and lose interest.

Why Does Gradual Independence Matter?

In today’s world, it can feel risky to let children do things on their own. However it is more risky not to enable your child to cope with the real world and to rely on others to solve problems. There’s pressure to protect them from failure, frustration, and even boredom. But the truth is:

✅ Children learn by doing, not by watching.

✅ Confidence comes from experience, not praise alone.

✅ Resilience is built through overcoming small challenges.

Gradually gaining independence awakens in the child a wonderful sense of personal satisfaction and confidence. It is quite liberating!

Real-Life Examples of Where It Matters

1. Getting Ready for School

It might be quicker (and tidier!) to pack their bag, zip their coat, and butter their toast. But every time we take over, we take away a learning opportunity.

💡 Instead:

Teach them how to check a simple morning list: bag packed, lunchbox in, coat on, shoes by the door. It’ll take patience at first, but it pays off fast, and they’ll feel proud doing it themselves.

2. Friendships and Play

If your child says, “He won’t play with me,” it’s tempting to jump in and fix it. But these small moments are chances to learn negotiation, sharing, and handling disappointment.

💡 Instead:

Ask questions like: “What could you try next time?” or “How do you think he felt?” Help them think through solutions but let them do the talking.

3. Homework and Learning

You want your child to succeed, so it’s natural to sit beside them and guide every step. But they need to learn how to think, not just how to get the answer. This may involve learning from mistakes.

💡 Instead:

Support them to plan their time, set up a quiet space, and check their own work. You’re building independence and responsibility. Homework is also the responsibility of the school and child, not the parent.

4. Problem Solving

From a forgotten jumper to a missed club, let children experience small consequences safely.

💡 Instead:

If they forget something, avoid racing to school with it. Next time, they’ll remember. These low stakes “failures” teach responsibility better than lectures ever could.

What Gets in the Way?

• Fear of failure: We worry a mistake will hurt their confidence, but small stumbles teach big lessons.

• Time pressure: Life is busy, and doing it ourselves is faster, but it delays learning.

• Wanting to protect: We want to shield them from discomfort, but facing challenges with our support grows courage. Children want to feel in control.

How to Start Giving Gradual Independence

Think of it like riding a bike:

1. You hold the saddle.

2. You run beside them.

3. You let go... but stay nearby.

4. You cheer them on even if they wobble.

Every step tells them:

“You’re capable. I believe in you. I feel very happy when I see you showing independence.”

Final Thought: Independence Isn’t the End of Parenting, It’s Part of It

Gradual independence actually brings your child closer to you. It’s about walking beside them while they grow stronger legs. When we give children the space to try, we give them the chance to thrive, and they value the gradual freedom you give them.

So let go, just a little, and watch what they can do. See how creative and confident they become as they happily take charge of their own life.

Simple ways to help your child with their anxiety issues

If you’ve ever felt like your child worries more than they should, or gets overwhelmed by small setbacks, you’re not alone. Today’s children are growing up in a world full of pressure: school demands, social media, the news, even our own stress. It's no wonder anxiety is showing up more in younger children.

However we can teach them how to be resilient,

What Does Anxiety Look Like in Young Children?

Children often don’t say “I’m anxious”, instead, it shows up in their behaviour:

• They might refuse to go to school.

• They complain of tummy aches with no medical cause.

• They get tearful or angry when a routine changes.

• They say things like, “I can’t do it” or “Everyone’s better than me.”

• They become silent

Sound familiar? These are all ways that anxiety can appear in children, especially in the early years and primary school.

So, What Can Parents Do Right Now?

1. Name the Feeling

Young children often feel better just from knowing what they’re feeling has a name.

Instead of saying: “Don’t worry — it’s nothing.”

Try: “It sounds like you’re feeling a bit nervous. That’s okay — we all feel like that sometimes.”

This helps them recognize and label emotions, which is the first step in managing them.

2. Model 'Brave Behaviour'

Children learn most from what they see. If they watch you facing challenges (even small ones) with a steady attitude, they start to believe they can do the same.

For example:

“I’ve got a big presentation at work today and I feel nervous, but I’ve prepared, and I’m going to try my best.”

This shows that being nervous is normal, and that bravery means doing things even when we feel a bit scared. Show them it’s all about taking control of those nervous feelings.

3. Praise the Process, Not Just the Outcome

Instead of focusing on whether something was done perfectly, celebrate the effort.

For example:

“I saw you kept trying with that tricky puzzle. That was brilliant persistence!”

This builds a growth mindset, helping children see setbacks as part of learning, not signs of failure.

4. Small actions count

Encourage small acts of courage every day. Start with achievable steps, like putting their hand up in class, or trying a new food and celebrate them. Multiple small achievements that are praised make a big difference!

Make a “Brave Jar” at home: every time your child does something that feels brave, they get to put a marble or token in the jar. Watch it grow!

5. Create Calm Routines

Predictable routines help anxious children feel safe. Try keeping mornings calm and consistent, breakfast, brushing teeth, packing bags in the same order. Same organized routine for nigh time.

6. Watch Your Own Anxiety

Children are emotional sponges. If you’re often saying, “I’m so stressed,” or showing panic in tough situations, they will absorb that.

Take moments to breathe, pause, and model calm responses even when you’re faking it a bit. You’re teaching emotional regulation without saying a word. Try to avoid words about yourself like stress, anxious, frightened ,weak, vulnerable.

When Should You Seek Help?

If your child’s anxiety is stopping them from taking part in everyday life, refusing school regularly, withdrawing from friends, or having frequent meltdowns, it might be time to talk to the teacher, your GP, school councillor or a child therapist.

Final Thought: Bravery Grows Slowly — But It Grows

Raising a resilient child doesn’t mean they’ll never struggle. It means they’ll know how to bounce back, try again, and keep going. That’s the greatest gift we can give them. It’s called resilience.

You don’t need to have all the answers. Let them see that we are not all perfect. Just walk alongside them, name the feelings, and keep reminding them: “You’ve got this, and I’ve got you.”

“It’s not whether you get knocked down. It’s whether you get up.”

— Vince Lombardi

A Few wise thoughts about getting ready for Christmas

Now that school is finished and the family can concentrate on Christmas and holidays, consider making life as simple and uncomplicated as possible. Enjoy the change as a family unit and begin to remember why family is the key point about this season.

Consider:

Focus on Presence, Not Presents: Children will remember the moments you spend together, not the price tags. Make time for laughter, games and hugs

Keep It Calm and Simple: Don’t stress about creating the “perfect Christmas.” Kids love the small things—hot chocolate, movies, or building a snowman. They love the repetition of Christmas.

Share the Spirit of Giving: Involve children in small acts of kindness— donating a toy, baking for neighbours, or making handmade cards. It’s a gift for their hearts too.

Create Special Traditions: Whether it’s matching pyjamas, bedtime stories by

the tree, or a festive family walk, traditions make Christmas magical and memorable.

Let Kids Be Kids: Allow space for excitement, silliness, and mess. The joy of Christmas is in their smiles and giggles—so join in!

Try to be more relaxed and strengthen friendships and relationships. It is all good for the soul.

“Have yourself a very merry Christmas with all the family.”

— Gail J Smith

Holidays are a great time to reinvigorate relationships with your child

School is over soon for everyone and it is the one time in the year when families can find time together, be different, escape routine and veg out together. This is a time to remind ourselves that as a family we are strong and happy. It is a time to simply play and have fun and to forget about any burdens that have weighed you down this year.

Consider these thoughts that remind us why holiday are such an important time to reunite as a family.

Strengthens Bonds: Holidays provide uninterrupted time to connect, share laughs, and create cherished memories that strengthen family relationships.

Builds Traditions: Creating rituals like baking together or game nights fosters a sense of belonging and gives children something to look forward to every year.

Boosts Emotional Health: Spending quality time as a family reduces stress, enhances happiness, and helps everyone feel supported.

Teaches Values: Engaging in activities like volunteering or storytelling allows parents to pass on values and lessons in a fun, relaxed environment.

Recharges and Reconnects: Stepping away from daily routines allows everyone to reset, appreciate one another, and start fresh with stronger connections.

When everyone is starting to relax it is amazing how humour and laughter increases in a

house. May the jolly HO Ho of Santa permeate in all families over the next few weeks.

‘Tis the season to be jolly.’

Talk to your child regularly. It’s important for their mental health

Keep conversations going with your child even if you think they are not listening. Let them know that you are a listener and want everything to be out in the open and frequently discussed amongst you. Let them see that conversations are a great way of dealing with problems and that you feel better when matters are openly discussed.

Regular conversations with your child:

1. Builds Trust and Emotional Safety

When children feel heard, they trust that they can share their emotion without fear of judgement.

Example: A child struggling with bullying feels safe opening up to a parent who listens calmly, instead of dismissing their feelings.

2. Prevents Emotional Suppression

Open conversations help children process emotions instead of bottling them up, reducing the risk of anxiety and depression.

Example: Asking, "How was your day?" allows a child to express frustration over a ` grade rather than holding it in.

3. Develops Problem-Solving Skills

Talking through challenges teaches kids how to handle problems and make decisions.

Example: If a child is upset about a fight with a friend, discussing the issue helps them brainstorm ways to apologize or make amends.

4. Strengthens Parent-Child Connection

Frequent conversations create a strong bond, making children feel supported and valued.

Example: Regular chats during bedtime build a habit of sharing, even when they grow older and face bigger challenges.

5. Detects Early Signs of Mental Health Issues

Talking often allows parents to notice mood changes or troubling thoughts before they escalate.

Example: If a usually cheerful child starts avoiding conversations, this could signal stress or sadness, prompting early support.

“A child really feels supported when a parent uses open communication.”

— Gail J Smith

Practical tips for parents to help their children develop executive function skills

We are always keen to help our children improve their learning capacity at school. There are some practical and useful ways we can support them in this area. Many of the things you currently do may be also useful in supporting your child’s learning. Consider the ideas below that can all operate from the home environment. Perhaps you are currently using these techniques as part of your routine?

Create Daily Routines and Visual Schedules

• Why: Routines build predictability, helping children develop organisation and time management skills.

• How: Work with your child to create a visual schedule for school days, including tasks like homework, chores, and downtime. Use calendars, to-do lists, or apps that show progress, such as a checklist where they can cross off completed tasks.

Encourage Breaks and Time Management.

• Why: Children learn to manage their focus and energy better when they alternate between work and rest. We all need to learn the balance.

• How: Teach them to study for 25-minute blocks followed by 5-minute breaks (Pomodoro technique). Use timers to keep track, making it easier to stay focused and avoid burnout.

Use Games and Activities to Strengthen Working Memory

• Why: Strong working memory helps children hold and use information for tasks like following instructions and solving problems.

• How: Play memory-boosting games such as card-matching games, Simon Says, or apps designed to challenge working memory (e.g., puzzles or brain-training games).

Model and Teach Self-Regulation Strategies

• Why: Self-regulation helps children manage emotions and impulses, crucial for staying on task and following through on assignments.

• How: Practice mindfulness techniques together, such as deep breathing or counting to ten. Encourage them to pause before reacting impulsively to frustration or distractions.

Promote Independence Through Goal Setting and Reflection

• Why: Setting goals fosters accountability and helps children develop problem-solving skills.

• How: Start with small, achievable goals (e.g., “Complete maths homework by 5 PM”). Afterwards, discuss what worked and what could improve. This reflection builds self-awareness and teaches them to adjust their strategies over time.

These tips provide hands-on ways for parents to nurture their child’s executive function skills, making academic tasks easier and improving school performance. You will enjoy being actively involved with them and demonstrating how you also value ways to improve your ongoing learning.

“The wider the range of possibilities we offer children, the more intense will be their motivations and the richer their experiences.”

— Reggio Emilia

Teach your child to like themselves

One of the keys to success is to accept and like who you are. A child needs to believe that they deserve to be treated well and that they deserve good things in their life. They need to nurture the belief that they are as good as anyone else. It takes time for a child to mature into really recognizing their own value so start early as a a parent in teaching them their worth.

Here are five reasons why parents need to teach their children to like and accept themselves, along with examples of how they can do it:

1. Builds Confidence

When children learn to accept themselves, they become more confident in their abilities and decisions. For example, if a child feels unsure about their looks or talents, parents can remind them of their strengths and help them embrace their uniqueness. Complimenting their efforts, not just results, can help reinforce this.

2. Develops Emotional Resilience

Self-acceptance helps children cope better with challenges and failures. Parents can encourage this by framing mistakes as learning opportunities. For instance, if a child doesn’t win a competition, remind them it’s okay to fail sometimes and that they still have value regardless of the outcome.

3. Promotes Healthy Relationships

Children who accept themselves are more likely to build strong, positive relationships because they don’t rely on others for validation. Parents can encourage healthy relationships by teaching their children not to compare themselves to others and to value friends who respect them for who they are.

4. Reduces Anxiety and Stress

When children are comfortable with who they are, they feel less pressure to meet unrealistic expectations. Parents can help by reassuring their children that they don’t have to be perfect. For example, if a child is stressed about grades, parents can focus on the effort and improvement rather than demanding perfection.

5. Fosters Independence and Decision-Making

Self-accepting children trust themselves and their instincts, leading to better decision-making. Parents can nurture this by allowing children to make age-appropriate choices, like choosing their clothes or hobbies, while guiding them gently without taking control. This shows them that their opinions matter. By teaching self-acceptance, parents provide their children with the emotional tools they need to lead happier, more fulfilling lives.

As the parent show your child how your life reflects treating yourself with dignity and nurture. Your lifestyle and self-management will be watched carefully by your child.

“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will makes them successful human beings.”

— It's a lovely life.com

Opinions: Can be damning to a child if not managed well

We all have opinions. What we need to teach our children is that you do not judge yourself on what others think of you. From an early age we remind our children that they are worthy of making good judgements for themselves.

Teach your children that:

• What other people say about or to you can only affect you if you believe them. This is all about building their self worth.

• You are in charge of how you feel. When you get others bringing you down keep reminding yourself that they have no value at all.

• No one can make you feel inferior without our consent, said Eleanor Roosevelt. Therefore, you do not give anyone consent to put you down.

• Be proud of your opinions and know that they are valued. Not everyone may believe them but they are yours to own and to express to others. After all success comes from believing in yourself.

• Gravitate around positive people that are not in the habit of bringing people down. This makes for happier lasting friendships.

• People that have strong opinions about others are usually very poor listeners and are not interesting to be around as a friend. In fact they can bring you down very easily as they control the conversations usually in a negative way.

• Choose friends wisely as this will be a big boost to a happy childhood.

Finally teach your children that you are there to listen to them with no judgement and that you value what they have to say. With affirming parenting, they will take advantage of your wisdom.

“Listen to your child’s opinions and applaud their creative approach to life.”

— Gail J Smith

A happy child is on the way to developing good mental health

In developing good mental health in our children, we need to show and teach them that being positive and optimistic increases one’s feeling of being happy. This is a state we should try and live in as much as possible. Of course, sadness will from time to time come into a child’s life but generally they should be and feel happy in their own skin as often as possible.

Here are five reasons why maintaining a child's happiness is important for their mental well-being:

Boosts Emotional Resilience

Children who experience happiness regularly tend to develop emotional resilience. This helps them navigate life's challenges, setbacks, and stress in a healthy way, making them less prone to anxiety and depression later in life.

Fosters Positive Relationships

A happy child is more likely to develop and maintain healthy relationships with peers, family members, and adults. Positive interactions help children build social skills and a sense of belonging, which are essential for mental health and emotional stability.

Promotes Cognitive Development

Happiness has a direct impact on brain function. When children are happy, they are more engaged, curious, and willing to learn. Positive emotions enhance concentration and creativity, contributing to better cognitive development and academic performance.

Builds Self-Esteem and Confidence

A happy child typically has a positive self-image and feels confident in their abilities. This boosts their self-esteem, which is vital for mental health. High self-esteem makes children more capable of handling challenges and more likely to take on new opportunities without fear of failure.

Reduces Behavioural Problems

Children who are consistently happy tend to have fewer behavioural issues. They are less likely to act out, feel frustrated, or develop aggressive tendencies. A positive emotional state contributes to better emotional regulation, reducing stress and encouraging more constructive behaviours.

Creating environments where children feel supported, loved, and valued helps nurture their happiness and contributes to their long-term mental health.

“Happiness is not ready made. It comes from your own actions”

— Dalai Lama

Teach your child to set goals. It is a great life skill.

Sometimes the thought of setting up goals can be daunting. If however, you teach your child to start small and build up slowly, their expectations will grow steadily and they will gradually see the fruits of their labour. Once feeling success from setting goals the interest grows in setting up more goals.

Here are some suggestions to help your child in this area. The examples are helpful to put goal setting in context.

Start Small

Encourage setting small, achievable goals to build confidence.

• Example: "This week, let's try to clean up your toys every day before dinner."

Lead by Example

Show them how you set and achieve your own goals.

• Example: "I want to read one book this month. What goal can you set for yourself?"

Break Big Goals into Steps

Teach them to divide larger goals into manageable tasks.

• Example: "You want to finish your school project. Let's start by gathering materials today."

Celebrate Progress

Recognize and reward efforts to keep motivation high.

• Example: "You practised piano for 10 minutes every day this week—let's celebrate with a special treat!"

Make Goals Fun

Turn goal-setting into a game or challenge.

• Example: "Let’s see if you can improve your running time by 10 seconds each week. We'll keep track together!"

Teach Reflection

Encourage them to think about what worked and what didn't after achieving (or not achieving) their goal.

• Example: "You finished your book! How did breaking it into chapters help you reach your goal?"

Encourage Long-term Goals

Help them think ahead and set goals that take longer to achieve.

• Example: "You want to learn to ride a bike without training wheels. Let’s practice for 15 minutes every day."

Provide Support and Guidance

Offer help without doing it for them, so they feel ownership of their goals.

• Example: "I'll help you study for your spelling test, but you can choose the words you need to practice."

In simple ways you can use goals setting as a way of life. The more your child grows independent of relying less on others and more on themselves, the more they are inclined to set their own goals with confidence.

“Be a goal setter in your own life and see how your child will easily adapt to such habits.”

— Gail J Smith

What you say to your child sticks.

As your child grows, how wonderful it would be if they just knew how you valued them and how consistently you talked about matters that mattered to them. The statements below are powerful suggestions of words that can be repeated time and time again over the years. It doesn't matter if children are three years of age or late teenagers. These statements are powerful tools in driving the right message into them. Consider building them into your repertoire.

"I believe in you, no matter what."

Impact: This statement reinforces your unwavering faith in your child's abilities and character, helping them feel confident and supported even during challenging times.

"You are loved just the way you are."

Impact: Letting your child know that they are loved unconditionally helps them feel secure and accepted, fostering a strong sense of self-worth.

"I’m proud of you for being who you are."

Impact: This acknowledgement celebrates your child’s individuality and encourages them to embrace their unique qualities with pride.

"Your feelings matter to me."

Impact: By affirming the importance of their emotions, you validate your child’s experiences and teach them that their thoughts and feelings are valuable.

"You have the strength to overcome any challenge."

Impact: Empowering your child with this belief helps them develop resilience and the confidence to face obstacles with determination.

These statements repeated throughout your child’s life send a very clear message of your unwavering love and support as they grow into well-developed young adults. Repeat them often for a strong effect.

“Use words well around children. They listen with sharp ears.”

— -Gail J Smith

Mental well being needs to be nourished over the years

There is no quick fix to building a healthy mental state with our children. Slow steady consistent habits developed in your family can be great boosters for mental health.

Consider:

• Affirm the small achievements.

  They do not need to be on a large scale but you recognize in your child some simple milestones that they have made. That could be at school, sporting efforts, improved attitudes, showing generosity, demonstrating gratitude etc.

• Give them the liberty of talking about issues.

  Sometimes we jump in fairly quickly and can place judgement on what they have to say. Just be an effective listener without showing strong opinions and let the conversation flow. You may learn something interesting.

• Play and enjoy their childhood.

  A happy child who plays often and lives in a world where they can be creative and free show a greater ability to be less stressed throughout life. We all need a good childhood. Play with them.

• Gradually build their independence.

  From birth, a child is working to be more independent. Your support in giving them small opportunities as the years go by, will give them personal satisfaction in managing themselves. As they grow in independence, they feel emotionally in charge and ready for more challenges. They accept failure more easily and see it as a learning curve.

• Let them think critically

  A critical thinking child develops strong emotional independence. Talk frequently to your child and let them ask questions often. Guide them in thinking about optional viewpoints and keep their minds open to new ideas. A closed mind is dangerous

A child who learns to inquire about life is not frightened about the challenges it offers. In fact they invite them.

“Those foundation years need ongoing nourishment and enrichment to keep developing good mental health.”

— Gail J Smith

Be the parent and not the friend to your child - that’s what they need

We all want that close and connected relationship with our child. We sometimes think that being their close friend is the best way to show how much you love your child. Whilst all goes well it may seem a perfect situation but at some point you will need to be the parents as this may come with some stresses and strains on the relationship. Your child really looks for the parent in you and that comes with responsibility and accountability.

The following ideas are sound and compelling reasons why being the parent gives you the greatest chance to have a strong and healthy relationship where you can share friendship and joy in a balanced way. Parents need to be parents, not friends:

1. Boundaries Create Security and Structure for Children!

2. Children Need Guidance, Not Peer-Level Approval!

3. Discipline from a Parent Shapes Responsible Adults!

4. A Parent’s Authority Builds Respect and Trust!

5. Children Look to Parents for Leadership, Not Friendship!

6. Parenting with Authority Encourages Healthy Decision-Making!

We all want to be there for our children when they need us. This may require clear thinking and rational decision making. This does not always mean that you are their best friend but in fact their best parent.

“Your child needs the parent in you. Not the child.”

— Gail J Smith

Why it is important to monitor the mental health of your child

It is such a complicated world now that we are always in the throws of social media etc. There is much for our children to absorb and to learn. We know that keeping our children happy and feeling secure in the early years is critical to building mental stamina.

The following thoughts remind us of the importance of being aware of how your child is handling their mental health.

Good mental health in the early years can:

• Prevent Anxiety and Depression: Early monitoring helps identify signs of anxiety and depression, allowing for timely intervention and reducing long-term impacts.

• Promote Academic Success: A mentally healthy child is more focused, engaged, and motivated in school, leading to better academic performance.

• Encourage Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Regular check-ins teach children how to manage stress and emotions, fostering resilience and emotional intelligence.

• Strengthen Parent-Child Connection: Being attentive to a child's mental health builds trust and opens lines of communication, making children more likely to share their feelings.

• Reduce Risk of Substance Abuse: Monitoring mental well-being can help prevent negative behaviours, such as substance abuse, that children might turn to as coping mechanisms.

• Support Long-Term Well-being: Ensuring good mental health in childhood sets the foundation for a happier, more balanced adult life, with fewer mental health issues.

Of course we do not live in a perfect world and from time to time your child will be challenged on various levels especially socially and emotionally. Simply be there, understand, listen well and together find solutions to problems. That kind of nurture builds resilience and reassurance in children.

“Tears fall for a reason and they are your strength not weakness.”

— Charlie Mackesy