Keep An Eye On Your Child's Mental Health
Early detection of your child’s mental health can lead to more effective treatment options. If a parent notices their child is unusually withdrawn or anxious, addressing it early can prevent more serious issues like depression or anxiety disorders. Be alert to changed moods.
From time to time check in on your child's mental health. Situations can change quickly for a child such as school issues, friendships etc and parents need to notice if there are shifts in their child's behaviour or general mood. A child's life is very fluid and we need to swim with them in the shifting emotional waters where there are ebbs and flows throughout the years.
Consider:
Early Detection of Issues:
Why it matters: Just like physical health, early detection of mental health issues can lead to more effective treatment.
Example: If a parent notices their child is unusually withdrawn or anxious, addressing it early can prevent more serious issues like depression or anxiety disorders. Be alert to changed moods.
Impact on Academic Performance:
Why it matters: Mental health significantly affects a child's ability to learn and perform in school.
Example: A child struggling with undiagnosed ADHD or anxiety may have trouble focusing or completing homework, leading to poor grades and low self-esteem. Poor performance can have a lot to do with diminishing self-confidence.
Social Development:
Why it matters: Healthy mental well-being is essential for developing strong social skills and forming healthy relationships.
Example: A child with unmanaged social anxiety might struggle to make friends or interact with peers, affecting their social development. Shifts in friendship groups can also impact their emotional well-being and inability to manage bullying.
Preventing Harmful Behaviours:
Why it matters: Unaddressed mental health issues can sometimes lead to harmful behaviours, such as substance abuse or self-harm.
Example: Recognising signs of distress and providing support can steer a child away from coping mechanisms that can be harmful in the long run. Keep an eye on eating patterns as eating disorders can become serious mental health issues.
Building Resilience:
Why it matters: Understanding and managing mental health from a young age helps children develop resilience, which is crucial for coping with life's challenges.
Example: Teaching children healthy coping mechanisms and emotional regulation skills can prepare them to handle stress and adversity more effectively as they grow.
A major foundational tool in preventing mental health issues is building in a child a strong sense of self-worth. Being parents who listen well to their children, place no judgement on them and affirm them regularly in a loving way strengthens their sense of self-worth.
Little by little affirm those little successes you see each day in your child. Those little successes become strong foundational blocks for building a pyramid of emotional well being.
-Gail J Smith
Learning to be tolerant around your child
Gail Smith sheds light on the power of tolerance in shaping how our children perceive and treat us, as well as others. The Primary Years.
In busy households with so much happening it is easy to lose your patience with your child. After all we are human and there are certain things that push our buttons. If we learn to be more tolerant around our child such modelling will reflect in the way our children treat us and others. There is much to be said about showing tolerance to our child.
We live in a global world. Practizing tolerance helps children appreciate and embrace diversity. It fosters an understanding that people come from different backgrounds, cultures, and perspectives, enriching their worldview.
Tolerance teaches children compassion and empathy. When they learn to accept and respect others, they are more likely to show kindness and understanding in their interactions. So your modelling of tolerance will mean that you demonstrate compassion and empathy.
Tolerant individuals tend to have stronger social skills. Teaching children tolerance helps them navigate diverse social environments, communicate effectively, and build positive relationships.
Tolerance challenges and reduces prejudiced attitudes and stereotypes. It encourages children to see individuals for who they are rather than making assumptions based on superficial characteristics. Your example of treating everyone well will make a difference to your child’s perception of how to operate around different people
Tolerance contributes to the creation of inclusive communities. When children learn to appreciate differences, they actively contribute to fostering an environment where everyone feels welcome and valued.
In a tolerant learning environment, children feel more comfortable expressing themselves and sharing their ideas. This openness enhances the overall educational experience and encourages creativity. Your home should embrace tolerance which makes for a safe environment.
Tolerance is a key factor in preventing bullying and conflict. When children understand and accept each other's differences, there is less room for negative behaviours based on prejudice or discrimination. Children don't go looking for differences when they are open to accepting others.
In an increasingly globalized world, tolerance is a crucial skill. Children who learn to appreciate and respect diversity are better prepared to navigate an interconnected and multicultural society. Our children need to understand the bigger world
Tolerance contributes to the development of emotional intelligence. Children learn to manage their emotions in response to diverse situations, fostering resilience and adaptability. They see the world from a more mature perspective.
A home where there is tolerance is a safe haven for a child. If a child feels that they will be given space to talk about their concerns they are more likely to talk more openly and comfortably about what is on their mind.
“To build tolerance, practise breathing slowly before dealing with confronting issues. Space makes all the difference.”
Careful about jumping to conclusions
We all tend to jump to conclusions from time to time. I believe it is part of our mental defence against getting hurt in any way. When we do this in front of our children, we teach them that a quick reaction is the best and most likely accurate response, which we know often is not. Read on for some tips to help us to stop jumping to conclusions and teaching our kids by example some better options.
How often do we immediately have an answer for something? Sometimes when we hear news that can be unsettling, we can spontaneously jump to conclusions. Often this can lead us straight to the negative, and we skip the whole idea of looking at the issue rationally and logically. We all tend to do this from time to time. I believe it is part of our mental defence against getting hurt in any way.
When we do this in front of our children, we teach them that a quick reaction is the best and most likely accurate response.
Consider:
When we feel like jumping to conclusions, a good response is simply to slow down, take a breath and reflect before saying too much. Remember what we say are powerful messages to our children.
Sometimes your child might hear about something happening at school and immediately jump to a negative conclusion for them. This is a great opportunity to teach them to stop, take a breath and talk about the issue. After a discussion, the issue often does not seem so bad and rational conversation can happen.
Consider just learning to stop and think before jumping to a conclusion. It is all about training yourself to slow down and reflect. Initial silence, rather than a quick response, allows you time to think it through more carefully. Your child will get to know that this is how you respond to news. You carefully process it and then talk about it.
When you jump to conclusions, it can often lead to wrong assumptions that require you to reverse your thinking. However, in the interim, you have made statements that may have been better left unsaid. Using the skill of stopping and thinking first, shows your child that being cautious before interpreting something is the best and least harmful way to go.
Jumping to conclusions is all about feeling that the worst is about to happen. This is anxiety, and we need to train ourselves to stop thinking the worst all the time. Our children need to see that the worst is not always the case, and through simple reflection, we can rationalise things better.
Finally, keep the knee-jerk reactions to a minimum. Train yourself to feel calmer and, above all show your child that all is not negative when you take a good hard look at it. The world is still a beautiful place.
‘Snap judgements often lead to regrets for those whose only exercise is jumping to conclusions.’
Recite... Piccsy .com
9 Tips about how to help your child love learning
Learning is a crucial part of life and the development of a child. Here are nine simple parenting tips which may encourage learning for your child.
The whole learning process for our children can be considered without a doubt, a family affair. Research over many years tells us that the more parents are interested and show an inquiring attitude to their child’s learning, the more successful the learner. You are after all the child’s first teacher. From infancy through to young adulthood, your child will depend on you physically, emotionally and socially. Challenges will come their way but you still remain a primary source for their learning and developing a passion for learning.
On many levels, you set the stage for understanding the value and richness of learning. Sounds like a tall order, but your work is done slowly and steadily over the years. It is not an overnight job and the more you take it on as a serious part of your role, the more likely the child will be engaged in their learning from a younger age.
Here are some simple tips that help us along the way from infancy through to well…. Adulthood:
Establishing a daily routine is important. Build it into all the expectations of the day and understand what school requirements are to be considered in your plan. Setting up a routine includes providing a quiet spot for them to learn at home. Consider the background noise issues, lighting and of course interruptions like younger siblings.
Regular conversations about school each day can keep the dialogue going in a positive way about what was learnt, achieved or found interesting. Remember this is not about an inquisition into the school day, but a gentle interest in what the child learnt or did in their time. Sometimes you may get a response, sometimes that may not happen.
Set tasks for your child that are manageable and within reasons. You can help them set goals in doing jobs at home. Also help them balance their homework time, play time and reading time. Teach them that the more they plan and balance their time, the happier they will be. Point out that by being organised, they get the recreation and play time that they want and deserve.
A most important aid in helping your child become a true learner is the modelling you give them. By your example such as reading, writing or being active in a range of learning activities, the child sees that this is the way to go. When you play as a family be intuitive and choose activities, games etc. that have a learning component to them, but at the same time they are fun. Learning to link fun and joy is the best way forward for a child. Also be an inquirer. Teach your child that asking questions is important. Have various ways of seeking information through books internet, conversations etc.
Set high expectations for your child, but make them achievable. A child needs to feel inspirational, but not have unreal expectations placed on them. Be proud of their efforts and affirm how hard they try to achieve their goals. ‘I am so impressed with all the effort you put into learning about elephants. You must have got so much good information.’
Be aware of their special talents and praise their uniqueness in all sorts of ways. Every child has unique gifts. Spell them out often.
Be proud to show their work to other members of the family. Learning is about a celebration of knowledge and achievements in many forms. We demonstrate that all learning should be boldly acknowledged.
Encourage overall development. This can be through their physical efforts, intellectual efforts, artistic endeavours etc. Show your child that there are many ways of achieving success in learning and you recognise so many of them in your child.
Be a connector with the school. This shows your child that you value their learning space throughout the day. Connect to libraries, take your child to museums, places where creativity and adventure are alive. Keep an eye out for opportunities that introduce new concepts and open their minds in different ways. Show your child that you enjoy discovering new ways of seeing and understanding the world.
Finally, the learning process over the years is slow and steady. At times it will accelerate as different teachers and circumstances excite the imagination. Your role is to be the constant, everyday reminder that learning is an ongoing and life-giving experience. It is a growth that keeps developing all your life if the foundations teach you well. Be the ever-present learner in the life of your child.
‘Once you stop learning you start dying.’
-Albert Einstein
Help your child to accept and enjoy their differences
Children's uniqueness is a crucial part of who they are as individuals. Read some parenting tips to consider on how to embrace and positively encourage diversity.
As our children grow through various physical, intellectual, social and emotional stages, they are seeking out their identity and at times they feel dissatisfied with what they feel about themselves. Simply put, this is all about growing up and working out who you are in life.
One important aspect in the life of a child is their ability to identify with others, establish friendships and feel happy and fulfilled in the company of their friends. To this end sometimes a child loses some of their own identity to be part of the group. I would suggest that an important role for parents is to gently remind their children that they have a unique aspect to their personality and this can be embraced and should be celebrated.
This is all about teaching your child that they are different to other people and that this difference is what makes them special. It is about encouraging your child to like their differences and embrace them rather than absorbing them into some peer group image.
I appreciate that being part of a peer group and identifying with others is an important part of growing up. As a parent, there are a few strategies that you can use to help develop in your child a strong self-perception that can still sit comfortably alongside a sense of being part of a peer group.
Consider:
When you spot occasions where they demonstrate their uniqueness talk about it and discuss how it is such a positive aspect of your child’s personality. ‘I am so impressed at the way you care for your dog. You certainly are a compassionate and caring person. A great quality to have!’
Your child’s teacher will know exactly how unique your child is and I am sure they can tell you some great stories about how they operate in class. Learn about these unique qualities and tell your child how proud you are to hear about their differences at school.
From time to time you may have occasions to write notes to your child. This could be a Birthday card, Christmas card etc. Refer to their uniqueness and the special differences that you notice in your child. It is all positive reinforcement. Nothing is wasted in adding little reminders of their differences.
Talk about when you notice how their differences have made an impact in some way to others. There is nothing more satisfying than recognising how a person’s differences can influence and help others.
Sometimes talking about differences can set you apart from others. As a child matures, the more they understand that their differences make them who they are, the more they are inclined to value their uniqueness and like who they are becoming. Just keep gently and intermittently reinforcing that their differences are a gift.
Talk about people that you know and respect, that shine by nature of their differences. I am sure your child can easily talk about their heroes and what makes them different.
Your child can talk about their friends and they can easily identify what makes them stand out as different. This is worth a conversation at home from time to time. Children love a discussion about their friends.
When you are having parent-teacher interviews, it is normal that your child attends. This is a perfect time to talk with your teacher about the wonderful differences your child has demonstrated across the year.
Don't be anxious to repeat affirming your child’s uniqueness. It will really sink in and become an accepted part of the child’s character.
Children use their observations to work out how to treat others and how others should treat them. We can support their developing observations by highlighting differences that are important in life.
When children notice differences between people, this is a time to talk about them and to highlight that differences make the world an interesting and colourful place. It is a time to dull the potential of bias and racism. It is a time to grow in the knowledge that difference makes the world go round.
‘In diversity there is beauty and there is strength.’
-Maya Angelo
11 ways to help your child become settled and have the best opportunities at school
Read here for 11 ways to help your child become settled and have the best opportunities at school.
Always trust the school. If you have doubts those doubts will translate into concerns for your child very quickly. If you have concerns talk to the school but take care about how your child interprets your concerns.
Be diligent in checking notes sent home which are mostly electronic noways but it is most important to attend parent nights. Of course, parent-teacher interviews are a must.
Be available to help the school in various ways. This can be a simple as manning a stand at Fair time through to being on the school board. You learn so much more by connecting to the school this way.
Support homework expectations. This does not mean doing the homework but providing a climate at home that enables the child to do their homework. If they have significant difficulty contact the teacher as homework is the responsibility of the teacher who set it.
When your child leaves for school in the morning ensure they are ready mentally and physically. Have they had enough sleep, eaten a good breakfast and left without emotionally unresolved matters to deal with at home? Are they walking to school, riding etc? A child ready for school makes a great deal of difference in their day’s effectiveness.
At home demonstrate how organisation is important. Keep the balance right. A child that lives around structure and routine will have a better balanced week and feel more in charge of what they are doing. This also includes checking on after-school activities that need to be balanced with sleep, homework, play etc.
By reading the school’s website you become more familiar with all the rules and regulations. This is helpful especially when an incident occurs and you need to understand how the school plans to handle the matter. Staff are regularly in serviced on their policies and procedures and when dealing with children will refer to them regularly.
Keep the conversation of school alive throughout the week. Children need to see that you value their school experiences and it flows into the family psyche. Positive family talk around the richness of school life and its influences on a child’s life, should be the order of the day.
Keep the home environment alive with learning material around the house. Demonstrate that books are available and in sight. Leave school notes on fridge and use dinner time as a chance to talk about the day at school.
Demonstrate to your child that you are proud of their school and impressed with how it helps your child learn. Talk out loud to others in front of your child about the school and the teachers. All positive of course. This builds reassurance for the child that they are in the right place and much valued by you, the parent.
Finally, be in touch regularly with your child’s teacher. In this way communication channels are always wide open and having a relationship with the teachers gives you more opportunities to be in touch with everyday matters.
‘The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you.’ B.B.King
A laugh a day can keep the blues at bay.
In all my time as a teacher and Principal, I always felt that classrooms filled with humour were happier and more enlivened spaces in which children could work and learn. ‘ Always find a reason to laugh. It may not add years to your life but will surely add life to your years.’ Anon.
In all my time as a teacher and Principal, I always felt that classrooms filled with humour were happier and more enlivened spaces in which children could work and learn. Over the years walking around classrooms and observing the environment I would say that classrooms, where humour was part of the daily routine, were successful environments in which the children performed admirably. Children felt more secure around happy teachers and knew that their light approach and positive disposition gave them the security they needed to be themselves. A home that provides a similar climate will be one in which children will feel the lightness and joy that permeates through the house. The anxious level drops and the feeling of joy rises.
Laughter definitely unites us. When you laugh with your child it makes for a stronger connection, one in which you both feel secure and share in the same experience. Note that even small babies use the smiling muscles and are a joy when smiling at the family.
Socially laughing with people says that you are comfortable and happy in each other’s company. A child can learn much from how you embrace friends with laughter and joy. Here you teach them that it is such a positive way to stay connected.
When engaging with your child, laughter can reduce the pressure of the moment and it can take the sting out of more intense moments. It can reframe the situation and give you a chance to start afresh in conversation. It is also a great momentary escape when you are in a tense situation and you need to break from that moment.
It is believed that biologically, laughter calms the brain and reduces the build-up of cortisol. In our world where we hear so much about the importance of mental health, laughter is recognised as a great mental health additive. Young children by their happy disposition teach us that laughter is a wonderful way to live. As an adult, it is easy to lose our sense of humour as we become weighed down by so many negative feelings and demands.
Look at your child, see how spontaneously they laugh. Note how simple things can be such a joy to them and they can see the funny side of situations before we can notice them. Their natural disposition to be funny and laugh can teach us so much. It is not something in which we are expected to grow away.
In working with children, it was always important to only talk to them about serious matters when I was in a good mood. This then dictated how I presented myself and it enabled the child to feel happier, less angry and more comfortable in conversations.
Think about how you enjoy a laugh. Is it present in your family? If so, it will lighten the load and strengthen mental well-being for all. It is a family tonic that revitalises everyone. A dose a day will go a long way.
‘ Always find a reason to laugh. It may not add years to your life but will surely add life to your years.’
Curiosity boosts learning
Einstein was a famous one for telling everyone that without curiosity learning does not grow. He would argue that without his insatiable attitude for being curious he would not have made his discoveries about the universe.
By nature, children are curious. We see this in the young child who will explore everything in front of them. As the child grows, also grows a level of caution, it’s natural. As parents, we monitor what is safe and not so safe when it comes to being curious. This blog is to remind parents that curiosity can come in so many ways. Our role is to encourage it and to invite our children to explore the world through different lenses, understanding that within each lens, different perceptions develop.
To some degree developing curiosity is linked to developing independence and as the parents give the child more freedom, they begin to explore the world in their own way without boundaries. They experiment with more freedom and this will come with mistakes and success. In order to build curiosity in our children the following thoughts may help:
A child can be curious in many ways that can be as simple as learning to cook, playing in the sandpit, studying recipes etc. through to learning about planets. The range is big, or small and is everywhere.
The more we don’t give immediate answers but invite more questions, the child’s curiosity grows.
“Look at that beetle. I wonder why it goes in and out of the rock?”
More questions beget more questions and so the probing goes deeper, the perceptions alter and alternative thinking develops strengthening and feeding our creative disposition. Here critical thinking begins.
When the child sees that you enjoy being curious, they learn that the experience will be enjoyable for them and they can ask questions freely. Just giving answers does not excite the imagination and shuts down all creativity.
When you listen to the news or read something of interest, use these occasions to discuss the curious nature of the article or news item. Children will soon learn that you invite conversations with them to learn more and enjoy the discussion together. This, to you, is seen as an effective way to work through issues, problems or simply to gain knowledge.
This is a time when asking “why” a perfect way to invite curiosity. Children prefer this rather than straight answers. We are not always the bearer of all information, but we can be the bearer of many questions to explore different ways of looking at things.
If your child knows that you will invite them into being curious, rather than just providing an answer, they will be more inclined to approach you with interesting thoughts and ideas. A child is naturally attracted to questioning, rather than just knowing the answer.
Schools are actively teaching a method that invites gaining knowledge through asking questions. Your child, if at school age, will be familiar with this process, which to them is a natural form of learning. Talk to your child’s teacher to learn more about the Inquiry approach to learning.
When you ask questions, rather than give an immediate response, you are telling your child that there could be many ways of looking at something. This is encouraging the child to see everything from various lenses. It presupposes that having a go and reflecting on different answers is not about making mistakes, but rather seeking out the truth and thinking with an open mind and being a critical thinker.
“What road do I take?”
“Well, where are you going?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then it doesn’t matter if you don’t know where you are going. Any road will get you there.”
Asking for help, is an important tool in learning
Are you the person that always asks for help? Some children naturally ask, even though they may not have thought through what they are asking. This, for some, can simply be a habit. Other children can be slower in asking for help and others may not ask for help due to shyness, embarrassment, fear of looking like a failure, etc. Not getting into the habit of asking questions, can be dangerously habit forming and we want our children to hear their voice in the classroom when questions are asked.
Whatever the category your child falls into, all children need to ask for help in the classroom and learn that asking for help is natural and to be expected in developing an inquiring mind. Once a child becomes an adolescent, they need to have conquered their fears to ask for help, otherwise, it can become an academic and social minefield.
Teachers carefully monitor those children who remain silent and work very calmly and skilfully to bring their voice into the harmony of all the classroom when questions are asked. A teacher will respect the quiet child, but work to get their questions and voice out in the open.
Asking questions suggests developing intellectual curiosity and perseverance to learn more. By asking questions our children are wanting to explore concepts for themselves and make sense of what they don’t understand.
At home, you can support your child to ask questions in the following ways.
Asking questions suggests developing intellectual curiosity and perseverance to learn more
Ask a lot of questions yourself. Demonstrate to your child that asking questions gives you the knowledge you need to feel satisfied.
When together as a family, have a game of asking questions. This can be a great game in the car and the importance here is to invite questions about some information. The game of ‘I spy’ is a popular one.
Ask your child about how they gain information in the class. Do they ask questions? Are they comfortable asking questions? Do they feel asking questions helps them learn? If this is a problem,
Talk to your child’s teachers about how best to assist your child.
Once a week around the table ask the children to simply ask questions. This can be around a topic, a picture etc. the importance is simply to practice asking questions.
We are aiming for our children to recognise that asking questions is a normal part of solving problems. It should be to a child a natural process this is used in building knowledge.
“The important thing is to not stop questioning.”
Take care with words spoken
In the heat of the moment, we can say all sorts of things in all sorts of ways. Our mood and temper can often dictate how and what we say in front of our children. We have a liberty with speech which can work for us or against us. There are times when we may need to speak with more definition and there are more relaxed times when we can simply talk with ease, spontaneously and in comfort. Whatever our style of communication through speech, this article is to remind us that it is a powerful tool for the force of good and evil in our relationships.
Often words sharply spoken cannot easily be retracted. When we speak with our children, it is best to remember that they are listening carefully for the intention and will cautiously listen for reinforcing words and a calm style. The words make all the difference to how they will respond.
Here are a few thoughts to keep our speech in check when around our children.
Remember to think before you speak. This is particularly important when you are feeling unsettled or in a situation that could lead to speaking out of turn. Sometimes in the rush of speaking we can lose sight of what we are really saying.
Create space. This means take some time out before speaking if you think you are inclined to say careless things that you will regret later. In this case, silence is golden.
Use language that is age appropriate for your child and take care not to intimidate with strong, overpowering words that can have various meanings. Such is a form of intimidation. Simple language is the best, especially if you have some important messages to get across to your child.
Remember to use words that clearly talk about what you want to say. Children can easily miss the content of what you say through the words you use, the speed of talking and the intonation used. Don’t allow your words to become a destructive tool but rather a building block for strong relationships.
Reflect from time to time if you have used words that affirm and reinforce your child. This is a reminder to your child that they are valued and that you are keen to publicly talk about them in a positive way. Everyone from time to time enjoys hearing about themselves in a positive way. The positive use of words strengthens communication and give a clear message of wanting to engage with someone.
If you are feeling disappointed and need to talk to your child about some behavioural concern, think about how you will say it and what words you will use that are balanced and suitable for the situation. Speaking too quickly without having our mind ahead of our mouth can be damaging for the relationship.
Finally, the words we use on a daily basis, say a lot about ourselves. They are the tools that inform others about how we wish to engage and participate in life. They are a force to drive people away or to bring them closer. Our children understand very clearly that the way words are presented to them is the clear traffic lights of their relationship. Flash onto green whenever possible.
“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.”
“Lockdown again,” I hear you say.
I wish there was an easy response to how best to support children and families during lockdown but nonetheless, let’s have a try.
Lockdown is in itself a down word. Why not, ‘recovery time’ or ‘time out’. Whatever the name, the feeling of being in lockdown, oh sorry, ‘time out’ can be a real down feeling for all concerned in the family. The following thoughts are to remind us again of some positive thinking in this time when we feel so deprived on so many levels.
The lockdown is to protect the lives of people. We live in a society where at all cost, people’s lives are given the highest priority. Our society values people.
We are really needing to remember the common good. For example, by wearing masks you are looking after other people as well as yourself. By using the QR system you are providing information that can lead to early detection of the virus and fewer people spreading the disease.
There is not much joy left in online school work but in the longer term, more than any other time we can remember, you the parent will have plenty of personal time with your child. This can have an amazing impact on building deeper, lasting relationships with your child. When working across a busy week of school etc, your quality time with your child is greatly diminished.
Have you noticed that your conversations with your child are broader and that you are both looking for joint activities to do more than ever before? This must be continuing to build a lasting, memorable relationship with your child.
Have you noticed new and interesting things about your child? Having more time together gives you more time to simply notice the joy of your growing child.
Of course, as the lockdown increases and changes, as the parent, you need to give further explanations about the shifting nature of the virus. Your information here should be clear and age-appropriate.
This is such a wonderful time to talk together about a serious matter that needs mature handling on the part of the parent. It challenges us to recognise the importance of giving accurate information and also building hope into the conversation. This is such an important time for sound parenting, as the child looks to you for mature family leadership, reassurance and support. Often much of our parenting is done on the run. With the issue of the pandemic so prevalent in our lives, how you handle it around your child will have a major impact on their understandings later in life.
Difficult as it may be, bringing some warmth and humour into the day can make an amazing difference to everyone’s disposition.
Keeping up with the smiles, having jokes, exercising together and talking as a family in a happy and relaxed way on a regular basis can lighten the spirit.
“We must accept finite disappointments but we must not lose infinite hope.”
Teaching your children to be planners
Organisation is always a challenge for children as they grow. Also, as parents, some of us are less organised people in planning events etc. It’s just in our nature how we approach planning. This article tells us that planning can be learnt, which is so beneficial for children’s success in self-management. The earlier they value being a planner, the more they gain through being organised and in control of what they are doing.
Taking time to plan something well shows that a person is making choices about how they want to be in control of their actions. They come to understand that they will have more successful outcomes by being a planner. Planning well gives you a vision into what you are expecting as an outcome. To be productive is to plan well. For example, if you plan your trip well for the school holidays you feel reassured that it will be successful and that you have a clear understanding of what to expect. There are fewer unfortunate surprises.
There are developing skills in learning to plan well and children will get better at it and more accurate in their planning, reading situations better etc. as time goes. They will make mistakes but grow in confidence about sharpening the planning process.
Teachers know that planning their lessons well is the key to the quality of teaching. Without effective well-planned lessons, teachers easily lose control of the outcomes. They understand that the quality of their planning will impact a child’s learning.
Read here to help your child be a dedicated planner.
They are also keen to teach children the importance of planning and when assignments are on the agenda, teachers will spend considerable time with children discussing their plan. Sometimes pieces of work are marked on the quality of the planning demonstrated by a child.
When we teach our children to plan important events etc., they begin to value the process of planning as a way of managing their world and feel in control. They are setting the directions themselves. Once they feel the success of their planning, children will want more control of their actions.
Here are some thoughts on helping your child become a dedicated planner.
Demonstrate to your child how you plan for important events, occasions etc. Allow them to share in some of this planning. Is planning an important part of your work life?
There are various ways to plan and everyone develops their own style. Talk about what tools you use to help you plan. For example, are you someone who takes notes?
Do you plan your events on a computer? Do you revisit the plan?
What resources do you use in planning?
When your child talks about important events that they will participate in, talk about what plans they have in place to make it successful.
When planning we all need time for this and talk to your children about how much time they will give to the planning process.
Talk about successes you have had from careful planning. It is also worthwhile to talk about the trial and error in planning. This is also an important process we go through before discernment.
A wise person sees planning as a natural part of putting order and structure into their world. Teaching our children, the value of planning gives them an important tool in guiding their directions with personal satisfaction and confidence.
“‘Good teaching is more a giving of right questions than a giving of right answers.’
-Josef Albers”
What is your cause and how do we pass it on to our children?
To some degree, this is all about ethics. It is about our ability to have beliefs and stick by them through our words and actions. Every day we are modelling our beliefs to our children. They are quick to observe how we live out those beliefs and especially if we are consistent with such beliefs… No pressure!
Their observations give them an insight into what we value and are prepared to live by. For example, if you have a particular faith that you live by, are you consistent in its practice? Do your causes play a big role in the life of the family or are they just personal causes that you live by? Either way, they will influence your child directly and indirectly.
For example, the environmental issues of the day have captured the minds and hearts of the youth. Do you live with a cause to being environmentally friendly? If so, are you living out your values and sharing them with your family? The agenda of environmental impact is a wonderful and current cause in which to work with your children.
This blog is simply to remind us that we are great influencers of our children who keenly watch what we value and how we demonstrate honesty and consistency to our causes. Little eyes are always watching and observing to see if our words and actions are aligned.
In a school setting, children are aware that causes are an important part of the world of teachers and the school community. They expect, nay, demand from their teacher’s, consistency in their actions and values. If their teacher is not consistent in their causes, such as the belief of working hard, being consistent and planning well, they lose respect and their interest in following that teacher’s directions falls away.
As a principal in working with children they knew that I had a strong cause to engage with them and listen. If my listening dropped off, so too did their interest in chatting about matters that affected them. I suddenly became much less credible in their eyes.
When we are honest to our cause, children no matter how negative they feel to our beliefs, respect our efforts in honouring what is important to us. When they see consistency and dedication to our mission, they are more inclined to respect our efforts even though at times we fail.
Your causes will influence your child directly and indirectly.
Consider:
Do you have causes that are visibly displayed and lived out at home? It is valuable articulating the causes that are important to you.
Do these causes have a big impact on how you parent?
Reflect on the message you are giving to your child about what and how you value that cause.
Our children need to see how ethical we are as parents. Do I clearly articulate to my child what is important to me?
As a family discuss the many and varied global causes that are in today’s world. This gives you a chance to talk about how passionate people become with important causes. Perhaps your child has a strong interest in some cause or is developing a passion that can blossom into a full-blown cause. This sets them on a mission to learn and do more.
If your child is demonstrating a strong interest in some cause, it is worth teasing that out and inviting your child to reflect on how to support and strengthen that developing purpose and passion. Be open to a different understanding that with each generation comes a new interpretation of what the world values.
Remember from little seeds big things grow.
“Tell me and I’ll forget. Teach me and I’ll learn.”
The great potential of our children
School is such a great place for bringing out the best in children.
Each day teachers motivate, stimulate and drive children’s thirst for learning. They are experts at bringing out the best in the children as they know that within each child there is so much potential. The more they develop and ignite their gifts the greater learning will occur on so many levels.
How about home?
Do we recognise those great gifts and the potential of our children? Some potential is very obvious. If a child is good at Maths that is quite clear to everyone. However, there are many potentials that we need to bring out of our children and certainly, we need to recognise the more subtle potentiality that appears from time to time.
Here is a list upon which to reflect when highlighting and affirming potential gifts in our children:
Some of our child’s potential is very obvious. Some is not and we must recognise it and celebrate it.
Notice how your child treats others. Do they demonstrate a well-developed style of treating others with kindness and understanding? This shows the development of compassion and sensitivity.
Does your child have skill in engaging with all children and being inclusive in play? This is quite a gift and potentially shows leadership in a child. Great leaders are inclusive.
Is your child well organised and likes to set goals? Such a gift shows the potential of being a well-balanced and self-disciplined person.
Is your child a great listener to others? Such a gift leads to the potential of being an effective adult who listens with intent, patience and tolerance for other’s opinions.
Does your child show patience in a special way? Oh, what a gift is developing here. Such potential leads to a well-balanced person, tolerant and wise.
Is your child noticeably aware of others that are less advantaged? This shows that a child will potentially develop strong compassion and fairness in life.
These are some examples where your child can develop into a warm and caring person with substantial emotional maturity.
This article is about looking for the potential in your child to develop into a well-rounded human being. Think about all the subtle examples of your child’s behaviour to others and themselves.
To live to your full potential is all about using your gifts and greatness for the common good. Let’s encourage our children to see their potential as an opportunity to grow wisely and sensibly.
“Free the child’s potential and you will release them into the world.”
Teaching our children to take on responsibility
This is all about giving them gradual independence to manage themselves. As they grow in independence they will certainly come across situations where they are uncomfortable, exposed to failure and feel generally unsatisfied with their efforts. These are all-natural feelings. Sometimes as parents we think by taking the responsibility away from them, they will have less pain and besides what if they make a mistake? How will they feel?
As the child grows in independence, they also grow in taking on their own responsibility for things. This teaches them to own the situation. There is much satisfaction with a child when they start to take responsibility. This gives them a sense of self-worth and a feeling of growing up as a real person. There is nothing more enriching than having that feeling of making decisions yourself.
Our role as parents is to support this gradual development and watch with joy our young one taking on responsibility.
Teachers know that in order for children to learn effectively they need to take ownership of their learning. During the school day, teachers will provide situations where children will make informed decisions on what they learn and how they learn. At parent-teacher interviews, there is nothing more satisfying for a parent than to hear that their child is a responsible learner. This has come about by gradually learning to take risks and to make responsible choices for themselves.
Teachers know that success only comes from accepting responsibility.
You will be amazed how small opportunities to take on responsibility will increase self-esteem once they are successful in showing responsibility.
Consider the following thoughts to build stamina in your child with regard to taking on responsibility:
Consider your own life situation. Are you a person that models responsibility and ownership of situations? Talk to your child about why this has been important to you over the years.
Do you have a list of chores at home that your child must do as part of the family routine? Could these chores grow in responsibility as the child gets older and demonstrates their growing strength in this area?
If you are having a holiday, get your child involved in the planning and being responsible for certain duties. Perhaps they take ownership of packing their bags, researching venues etc.
Talk about the responsibility of doing tasks at school. We know that leadership develops in children who show strong skills in being responsible. School captains are chosen from those children who demonstrate strong skills in being responsible. Teachers frequently set up monitors in classrooms on a rotation basis giving children responsibilities to manage.
Talk about how you value your child’s growing awareness and interest in taking on responsibility. Take care not to rescue your child too soon after disaster strikes as this will only disengage your child from taking on responsibility. It also delays any further interest in being responsible.
For those children reticent to be independent, give them small opportunities to be independent. You will be amazed how this will grow once they are successful in showing responsibility.
We live in a world where the safety of our children is paramount and to this end, I can understand how we are cautious parents in giving them too much responsibility and independence early.
I would argue that with gradual responsibility being handed to them, they are stronger and more confident young people. They are more observant of life around them when being responsible for themselves. They confidently and intuitively show skill in navigating their way around difficult situations and are much happier in themselves being in control.
“The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.”
What’s in a test?
This is that time of the year when testing is prevalent, teachers are writing reports and schools are preparing for their parent teacher interviews. There is much talk and a buzz around this busy time of the scholastic year.
Assessment, assessment assessment.
There is no failure in the process of school assessment. Success is in moving forward.
Who needs assessment? Do we have an immediate sense of failure when we think about assessment? Perhaps it has associations with negative experiences for ourselves. Teachers rely on their regular testing regime as it is the key tool to help them plan their teaching. If they know where the child is at in their learning they can skilfully teach with accuracy. No question about it! This is a highly effective way to teach. Generally, children grow used to the weekly tests in class and the teacher puts the right emphasis on them. In fact children see it as part of their normal routine. Testing is all about where to go next in the learning. However, at this stage of the year it can be slightly overwhelming as parent teacher interviews loom high in the mind of the child and the school.
Consider that this is a positive time to learn about all the wonderful learning that has taken place over the year. It is time to celebrate the hard work the child has contributed to in terms one and two. It is also about learning where the child needs to go with learning in terms three and beyond. Call this learning, growth curves.
The interviews are not a check up time to determine failure nor is it a time to pick through issues that have occurred lately. Also, when the parent teacher is complete, celebrate with your child and talk about the amazing new concepts that you learnt about your child.
Here are a few thoughts around this focussed time of the school year:
Be positive about the school. Talk about how you look forward to chatting to your teacher about all the wonderful school experiences.
Talk about how you felt when you had reports sent home. It is valuable that the child understands that we have all gone through this process.
Remind your child that you see reporting as a positive tool to tap into all the great work you are doing at school.
Before the parent teacher interview discuss areas that you want to talk about. Let there be no surprises at the interviews. Also are their discussions that your child wants to have with you before the interview? Both parent and child should have clarity about what will happen at the interview.
Remind your child that you and the teacher are very much on their side, that is the side of learning.
If you have some form of evaluation at work talk about how that happens and how you handle it.
Finally, education is a life long journey. Stopping and taking stock of where the child is at, is an important time for reflection on where to go next. There is no failure in this process only success in moving forward.
“The greatest sign of success for a teacher is to be able to say, ‘the children are now working as if I did not exist.’”
Nine things to think about regarding school
Enjoy a partnership with your Child’s school.
We are well into term two. Your child should feel settled, familiar with the class and working comfortably and steadily with the teacher. Trust between the child and the teacher should be well established by now.
Homework routines should be just that, routines. Teachers should only be providing homework for your child that is within reason. Check the time your child is doing homework as the later times of the day make for a difficult task.
Check in with the tiredness of your child. The weather is closing in, days are cold and children can be less motivated. Try to keep up the momentum and throw in a few treats along the way.
Is your child well established with friendship groups? This is all about feeling capable with peers. It does not mean that everyone should have a special friend. In fact, the more inclusive the better. If your child is unsettled in this area have a chat with your teacher. Relationships with peers is important for their mental wellbeing and social growth.
Teachers will be writing reports and soon there will be the parent teacher chats. Talk to your child about how they are going with midyear work. Don’t let the parent teacher chat be the first time you have talked to your child about their school work. This should be an ongoing interest. The parent teacher chat should not come as a surprise to you. It should be a time of hearing reassuring words from the teacher and coming away with an understanding of where the child needs to go next in their learning.
Have you changed anything important in the family that the school needs to know? Often addresses, phone numbers etc. can change and the school needs current information especially with regard to emergency numbers.
The school is a very stable hub for your child throughout the year. Keep it in mind if you need support. Chat to the principal if you have queries or need to learn more. It is amazing what you will learn from a chat.
If you are the one who picks up your child after school, I advise being on time. At this stage of the year children can get tired and need reassurance. This is especially the case with the younger ones. Being on time is reassuring to them. This also applies to being on time in the morning. Children can become quite unsettled if walking into a classroom late.
Watch the balance between afterschool activities and the pressure of school. Check in with your child about this as sometimes afterschool activities can just tip them over the edge.
Oh, what a difference a school makes!
‘The mind once enlightened cannot become dark.’
-Thomas Paine
Help your child develop their creative side
It is such a joy watching our children spring into creative moments. These can often be spontaneous and can take on many forms. As a parent, we should support their creative side as it can be stifled so easily with practicality, logic, do the right thing, be reasonable, etc. There is no shortage of sensible reasons why creativity can be stifled.
Of course, everything within reason but children are naturally curious and creative. They love to explore and dream. They are not inhibited to begin with and grow to being free and expressive in their minds and bodies if allowed.
Perhaps you are a creative person? If you are more inclined to demonstrate self-discipline, put things in order, monitor time etc. you may find at times their creative behaviour off putting. This article is to invite you to lighten up in this area. Allow your children to just be and to enjoy the moment.
Here are some reasons why creativity, given plenty of scope enlivens and strengthens the wellbeing and mental health of the child and stimulates amazing learning.
Our child’s spontaneous creativity enlivens and enlightens our adulthood.
Being creative gives the child the right to express themselves. Great authors, painters etc. needed creative time to explore and develop their talents.
Children will make mistakes and this is part of experimentation in being creative. Without error, a child cannot grow and learn in new directions. A child who is celebrated at home for their creativity, feel free to keep exploring. They love the fact that you acknowledge and affirm their creative spirit. This spurs them on.
If a child is stunted with their creativity, they can become quite unhappy and mental health issues can creep into their life. It is not natural for a child to be uncreative.
When children play, they are actually being creative. Encourage it and join in the experience. It will make for better family time.
Never tell a child that their creativity is not satisfactory. There is no assessment or value placed on being creative. By nature, it is free and can develop in any direction. No surprises that teachers are always looking to strengthen the child’s creative disposition. They know that from such a journey comes insightfulness and real learning.
Think about the people you admire. Is creativity part of their world? Often creative people are very expressive and not inhibited by controlled thinking. Don’t be put off by people that seem to see life from different angles. Even your own child may be seeing life from a different lens than your own.
Often, we say, think outside the square. In today’s workforce people who think differently offer a great deal to companies who are not seeking more of the same. The workforce seeks and demands creative employees who can look at problems in different ways.
If a child is encouraged to see the world from practical eyes and not to value creativity their world will shrink and only predictability and reliability will be valued.
A child by nature of being a child sees the world creatively. They are generally not inhibited by nature which gives them the optimum chance to see the world from many angles and to create new dimensions in that world.
We can learn from our child’s spontaneous creativity and this enlivens and enlightens our adulthood which can be driven by order and control. In simple terms it allows us to lighten up!
“Those who do not think outside the box are easily contained.”
So, what’s in a school?
This is certainly is a challenging question. I would be the first to say dig deep and you will find many opportunities for developing yourself and growing familiar with your child’s school. Being around a school is a vibrant and lively feeling. These school years with your child are precious and will not return once complete. Therefore, embrace them.
My recommendation is for you to research what the school offers and how you can tap into its life or perhaps add to its life.
The following are considerations about what’s in a school:
How involved are you able to be at your child’s school?
Explore the library and learn from the librarian what and how you can access books for the family. Often school libraries have specific sections for parents and they often hold a wonderful feelings section to support children going through emotional issues. Also, if you have time, you could always help in the library. There is so much to learn about books in this environment.
Does your school offer parenting nights? Schools often look to supporting family education. This can be through a one-night session or a series of nights.
Read the school newsletter regularly to get all the updates in the life of the school. This certainly gives you a broad picture of what is happening across the school.
In my time as Principal, many parents in midlife looking for a career change, assisted in classrooms and took up the teacher aid course. Teaching is a great career to take up after having had other work and life experiences.
Simply helping in the classroom gives you a chance to learn about how reading, writing etc., is taught. You can pick up great teaching strategies from just being around teachers. It is also fascinating to watch how teachers manage and relate to the children with such control.
If you enjoy sports, often being involved in the sports programs at the school is a wonderful way to commit to a valuable part of the curriculum.
Schoolyards are great places to build friendships with other families. Many lifelong friends have been made from meeting families in the school setting.
When the school offers social days such as Book Week, where there are dress-ups, consider joining in and sharing in the fun with your child.
Do you have special talents that you can offer the school? For example, can you paint, teach cooking or crafts? Schools love to hear from talented parents who contribute their skills to teaching children.
Check-in with your child’s teacher to see if they need assistance. Your presence in your child’s classroom is a buzz for your child.
These thoughts are to explore and invite you into the life of the school. Your child benefits from your engagement and school become a natural extension to their home life.
“Behind the child that makes the most progress is an actively involved parent.”
Positive talk with your child around the Naplan
Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
If your child is sitting the Naplan test then I recommend approaching the situation in a positive way and give your child the reassurance they need that Naplan, in the scheme of things has little relevance.
Consider:
Talk to your child about all that you have learnt about them through the teacher.
Remind them that your teacher is the best person to tell you how you are progressing at school. Remind your child that education, learning is about building up knowledge. It is not about picking out a special test to compare you to a larger cohort of children.
If you feel that your child is anxious about the test arrange a parent-teacher interview with your child to give the child reassurance about their ability to learn.
Also remind your child that the teacher does regular testing which is accurate as it is cumulative and that is what you learn about progress.
Once you obtain the Naplan results ensure that you talk positively about your child’s progress and offer positive reassuring words about the value of all the education across the year.
Talk to your child about your views on Naplan. If you are of a similar mind and question its value as an educational tool, discuss this with your child. It can take the pressure of the test putting things into a better perspective.
Remind your child that it is one test in one day. How relevant is that in the schema of life?
Talk generally about testing done at school. Reminding your child that its primary purpose is to guide teachers in their planning. Well planned teachers teach very well. Their results are more accurate as they are cumulative and above all they know your child!
Try to avoid talking negatively about Naplan issues, media, news etc. as children still talk to each other and build anxiety from what they hear around them.
Talk to your teacher about how Naplan is distributed and administered. Talking to your child about these practical issues can reduce anxiety on the day.
Children need to know that you value their journey of learning which is long, extensive and variable. Reminding them of this decreases the relevance of a standardised test once a year.
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs one step at a time.”