Being interested in your child’s school has many benefits

As a parent you are better connected to your child if you value and connect to their school. Remember your child spends five hours a day across forty weeks of the year living in a different world from you where there are many influences and challenges. Your child’s school invites you to be an active member of the work they do with your child. They understand the real difference it makes to your child when you are part of your child’s learning world.

 Consider the following benefits:

Academic Progress

Regular communication helps parents stay informed about their child's achievements, challenges, and growth. This way, they can address any learning difficulties early and support their child in meeting academic goals. The more you know the better equipped you are to help.

Emotional Well-being

Children may face social or emotional challenges at school, like bullying or anxiety. By staying in touch with teachers, parents can better understand their child’s social experiences and work together to resolve any issues.

A Strong Parent-Teacher Partnership

Maintaining an open dialogue builds trust between parents and teachers. This partnership ensures everyone is on the same page when it comes to supporting the child’s education and development, creating a united front.

Being Informed About School Events and Changes

Schools regularly have events, programs, or changes to policies. Being in regular contact means parents won’t miss important updates, allowing them to be involved in their child's school life and prepared for any changes.

Encourage Positive Behaviour

When children see that their parents and teachers are connected and communicate often, they are more likely to take school seriously, respect rules, and stay motivated to do their best.

 There is so much to enjoy for all the family in the life of a school. You will be enriched by that environment in which you have entrusted your child.

“Make your child’s school a destination for yourself.”

— Gail J Smith

Let’s look at conversations to have with your child

Here are five great conversation topics that parents can frequently discuss with their children to support mental health, foster a positive disposition, and reassure them of being loved. Frequent positive reminders are healthy ways to give a positive outlook to a growing child and to build emotional intelligence.

Emotions and Feelings

• Topic: "How are you feeling today? It's okay to have all kinds of emotions."

• Purpose: Encourage emotional expression and validation of feelings. This helps children understand that it’s normal to have a range of emotions and that their feelings are important.

• Reassuring Message: "No matter how you feel, I'm always here to listen and support you."

Self-Worth and Inner Strength

• Topic: "What do you think makes you special or unique?"

• Purpose: This encourages self-reflection and builds self-esteem by helping the child recognize their strengths, talents, and individuality.

• Reassuring Message: "You are amazing just the way you are, and I love you for who you are."

Challenges and Problem-Solving

• Topic: "What was something challenging today, and how did you handle it?"

• Purpose: Encouraging conversations about handling challenges reinforces resilience and problem-solving skills, helping children approach difficulties with a positive mindset.

• Reassuring Message: "No matter what happens, you’re strong, and I believe in your ability to get through tough times."

Gratitude and Positivity

• Topic: "What are three things you’re thankful for today?"

• Purpose: Fostering gratitude can shift the focus toward the positive aspects of life, promoting optimism and mental well-being.

• Reassuring Message: "Even when things are hard, there’s always something good, and I’m grateful to have you in my life."

Love and Belonging

• Topic: "What’s something fun we could do together soon?"

• Purpose: Strengthen the parent-child bond by focusing on shared experiences, making the child feel valued and connected.

• Reassuring Message: "You are always loved, no matter what, and spending time with you makes me happy."

Frequent conversations on these topics not only build a child's mental resilience but also provide the emotional security that they are loved and supported unconditionally. Every child needs reassurance and will from time to time need that extra reassurance that their world is fine.

“A parent’s positive reassurance is a life line to a child.”

— Gail J Smith

What you say to your child sticks.

As your child grows, how wonderful it would be if they just knew how you valued them and how consistently you talked about matters that mattered to them. The statements below are powerful suggestions of words that can be repeated time and time again over the years. It doesn't matter if children are three years of age or late teenagers. These statements are powerful tools in driving the right message into them. Consider building them into your repertoire.

"I believe in you, no matter what."

Impact: This statement reinforces your unwavering faith in your child's abilities and character, helping them feel confident and supported even during challenging times.

"You are loved just the way you are."

Impact: Letting your child know that they are loved unconditionally helps them feel secure and accepted, fostering a strong sense of self-worth.

"I’m proud of you for being who you are."

Impact: This acknowledgement celebrates your child’s individuality and encourages them to embrace their unique qualities with pride.

"Your feelings matter to me."

Impact: By affirming the importance of their emotions, you validate your child’s experiences and teach them that their thoughts and feelings are valuable.

"You have the strength to overcome any challenge."

Impact: Empowering your child with this belief helps them develop resilience and the confidence to face obstacles with determination.

These statements repeated throughout your child’s life send a very clear message of your unwavering love and support as they grow into well-developed young adults. Repeat them often for a strong effect.

“Use words well around children. They listen with sharp ears.”

— -Gail J Smith

Be Present for your child. It supports their mental Health

Being present for your child is one of the most impactful things you can do as a parent.

Here are five outstanding reasons why your presence is crucial, particularly for your child’s mental health:

Emotional Security and Trust

• When parents are consistently present, children feel secure knowing that they have a reliable support system. This sense of security forms the foundation for trust, which is essential for healthy emotional development.

• Mental Health Impact: A secure attachment with parents reduces anxiety and stress, fostering resilience and emotional stability.

Building Self-Esteem

• Parental presence, through active engagement and positive reinforcement, helps children develop a strong sense of self-worth. They feel valued when their parents show interest in their thoughts, feelings, and activities.

• Mental Health Impact: High self-esteem is closely linked to lower rates of depression and anxiety. Children who feel good about themselves are more likely to take on challenges and develop healthy social relationships.

Role Modelling Positive Behaviour

• Children learn by observing their parents. When parents are present, they can model positive behaviours such as empathy, patience, and problem-solving skills, which children are likely to emulate.

• Mental Health Impact: Positive role modelling helps children develop healthy coping mechanisms and social skills, reducing the likelihood of developing mental health issues related to poor interpersonal relationships.

Supporting Emotional Expression

• Being present allows parents to create a safe space for their children to express their emotions. When children know they can share their feelings without judgement, they learn to process emotions in a healthy way.

• Mental Health Impact: This open communication reduces the risk of emotional repression, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges later in life.

Enhancing Cognitive Development

• Active involvement in your child’s learning and development—through play, reading, or helping with homework—stimulates their cognitive growth. It also encourages a love for learning and curiosity.

• Mental Health Impact: Cognitive stimulation and a positive learning environment reduce stress and anxiety related to school and social pressures. This, in turn, promotes a healthier mental state and a more positive outlook on life.

You can be present with your child in many and varied ways. It does not require perfection but simple healthy, regular engagement with your child nourishes their spirit and sense of well being.

“Enjoy the moments with your child. They become hours, days and fruitful years.”

— Gail J Smith

It is important to speak well to your children

Speaking well to children is a language all its own. Children register very quickly from what you say and how you say it, what kind of value you place in them.

Here are six sound reasons why speaking well to children is important and it also highlights damage that can be caused if we do not speak well.

Building Self-Esteem

• When children hear positive words and encouragement, they feel valued and loved. This helps them develop a healthy sense of self-worth.

• However, harsh words can make children doubt their abilities and feel unimportant, leading to low self-esteem.

Fostering Emotional Security

Kind and understanding words create a safe emotional environment. Children feel secure knowing they can express themselves without fear of judgement. However, negative communication can make children anxious or fearful, feeling like they must always be on guard.

Encouraging Positive Behaviour

Praise and positive reinforcement motivate children to repeat good behaviour and make better choices. However, constant criticism can lead to rebellion or a lack of motivation to try their best.

Developing Language Skills

Hearing rich and positive language helps children expand their vocabulary and communication skills, crucial for their overall development. However, exposure to negative or limited language can hinder their ability to express themselves effectively.

Modelling Respectful Communication

Children learn by observing. Speaking well to them teaches them how to communicate respectfully with others. However, if children hear harsh or disrespectful language, they might imitate this behaviour in their interactions.

Strengthening Parent-Child Bond

Positive communication fosters a strong, trusting relationship between parents and children, which is the foundation for a healthy family dynamic. However, negative interactions can create distance and weaken the parent-child bond, making it harder for children to confide in their parents.

When a child feels confident to talk to you about important matters and when they are relaxed in how they communicate with you, this is a sign that you are speaking well to your child. All they want is to feel safe through your dialogue and welcomed in your conversations.

“Speak well to your child and they will speak well back.”

— Gail J Smith

How To Keep Your Anger Under Control Around Children

Being angry from time to time is natural. We cannot be even tempered all the time and there are often triggers that will set us off. Tiredness and being over busy are catalysts for feeling anger. We know that children can become quite anxious if a parent shows a lot of anger from time to time. Intermittent anger can be very confusing for a child and they will often withdraw when that happens.  Uncontrolled anger from a parent can have severe effects on a child.

Below are some recommendations to practise reducing your anger. They are excellent strategies to use which will also have a calming effect on yourself. This will benefit your moods and overall well being. There is strength in calmness.

Consider:

• Practice Deep Breathing: When you feel anger rising, take a moment to breathe deeply. Inhale slowly for a count of four, hold for a count of four, and exhale for a count of four. Repeat this a few times to help calm your mind and body.

• Take a Timeout: Just like children, parents can benefit from a timeout. If you feel overwhelmed, step away for a few minutes to collect your thoughts. This can help prevent you from saying or doing something in anger that you might regret later.

• Identify Triggers: Pay attention to what specific situations or behaviours trigger your anger. Understanding your triggers allows you to anticipate and manage them better, reducing the likelihood of an outburst.

• Use Positive Self-Talk: Remind yourself that anger is a natural emotion but it can be controlled. Use phrases like “I can handle this calmly” or “I am in control of my emotions” to re frame your mindset in stressful situations.

• Implement Physical Activity: Physical exercise is a great way to release built-up tension and stress. Incorporate regular physical activity into your routine, whether it’s a daily walk, yoga, or a quick workout, to help manage your anger levels.

• Communicate Openly: Express your feelings in a calm and constructive manner. Use “I” statements to explain how you feel and why, without blaming or criticising your child. For example, say “I feel frustrated when the toys are left out because it makes the room messy” instead of “You never clean up your toys.”

• Be Authentic: Your child knows you well. Talk to them about the things that can make you upset and this will help them take more responsibility when they bring up certain topics. It is also a positive family thing to do when families talk about what makes them angry.

Through managing your anger you are setting a great example for your child. They will see the effort being made and recognise that controlling anger is a necessary skill to live effectively.

‘Being calm, you show strength through your actions.’

-Gail J Smith

The importance of your child attending school regularly

Once a child gets out of the pattern of attending school regularly various issues can develop which further exacerbates their interest in attending. We need our children to be keen and interested in school. When they feel that it is important for them to attend you can feel reassured that they are engaged with the school environment.

Here are five reasons why regular attendance is so necessary for a well adjusted child at school:

Academic Achievement:

• Consistent attendance ensures students don't miss important lessons and activities, leading to better understanding of the material and higher academic performance. The child who misses important lessons soon feels they are not a success. They feel that others are smarter than them. This can lead to disengagement from their work.

Skill Development:

• Regular attendance helps students develop essential skills such as time management, responsibility, and discipline, which are crucial for future success. A child needs and responds to the setting of boundaries and being in routines.

Social Interaction:

• Attending school regularly allows children to build and maintain friendships, improving their social skills and providing emotional support through peer interactions. Regular friendship contact gives a child reassurance and they feel socially satisfied.

Access to Resources:

• Regular attendance provides students with access to school resources like libraries, labs, and extracurricular activities, enhancing their learning experience and personal growth.

Preparation for the Future:

• Consistent school attendance establishes a routine and work ethic that prepares students for future education and employment, instilling a sense of commitment and reliability. When they lose this momentum they can feel lost and quite disconnected from their peers.

It does require effort on the part of the family but each morning is important in getting everyone up in time to face the day.

“When your child is fully engaged at school, they seldom become anxious about getting ready to leave in the morning.”

— Gail J Smith

A Few Tips on keeping a Calm Household

We all know that busy families make for busy lives which of course leads to tiredness and tension from time to time. It is natural that being calm and steady throughout the busy week can almost become impossible. Below are a few simple tips on reducing weekly domestic tension with your child.

• Try to be less a perfectionist. This can make you very unsettled if in a busy week your ideal plan does not go well. Remember you are dealing with children and their lives are messy and changing frequently. Being more flexible and less demanding of expectations on your part will make life easier.

• Try to keep to routines and have schedules clearly visible for all to see. A child feels more secure when they know predicable patterns across the week occur. They are more unsettled when change occurs.

• Plenty of sleep for everyone in the house is important. You need it as much as your child. Find some personal time in the day, just a few moments that you can call you own. How about that coffee in a cafe for five minutes?

• On the weekend check in with your child for the week ahead. Talk about expectations you have and also discuss those days where your child will need to be contributing more. Getting them involved in planning the week ahead is vital for success.

• When your child talks to you remember to be an effective listener. This may mean that you say, “I can't talk right now but after school we will sit down and I can listen to what you have to say.” Follow through with this as your child will not forget.

• Use bedtime as a time to have more intimate chats with your child. They love to feel special and to know that you are really available.

• With younger children talk at a slower pace if you are giving instructions. They will listen and respond better if they understand what you want from them.

• During the day keep regular affirmations going. This gives your child reassurance that all is well. 'I love the way you pack your lunch for school. It makes a difference in getting to school on time.'

• When having a stressed moment stop and take a deep breath before your respond to your child. It can make such a difference with your response which will carry less frustration to your child.

• Try to keep down the clutter in the house. A very cluttered and disorganized environment makes for less calm children.

• At the end of a week assess with your child how it all went. Were their positive moments and did you both get the best from the way it was organized? Being reflective may make for a better week next time.

• All children work towards independence. From an early age they seek to do things on their own. This actually makes them happier. Consider whether you can give your child more responsibility for themselves. They will love the independence. Don't worry too much when it all goes poorly. Mistakes happen. That is how we all learn.

• Be well aware of what is happening at school. There is nothing more frustrating than catching up with news when it is all too late. Read notices, plan ahead for dress up days. Etc. You will enjoy your child's school much more by being engaged.

• Homework can be a stressful time for the household. Work out the best time for your child to do homework and have it set up in a comfortable, light filled space. You will be more relaxed knowing that your child is in an optimum environment for homework to be done. Also remember that teachers set homework and that if a child is struggling refer it back to the teacher.

Finally we live in an ever changing world with our child. There are always reasons why change must occur or plans altered due to illness, fatigue etc. Expect the unexpected but don't place the burden on yourself when everything does not go to plan. Flexibility and creativity will get you through those tricky moments.

“A parent who understands the changing nature of family, not only survives but thrives.”

— Gail J Smith

Parenting through uncertain times

We live in a fast moving world where internet and especially social media impact so much on how we see and interpret the world. I appreciate that for parents finding the right path to direct and support their child over their growing years comes with challenges.

The following thoughts may help to provide a domestic climate where a child feels safe and enabled in such an overstimulated world:

• Communication is a vital key to supporting your children. Encourage open and honest communication with your children about what is happening. Provide age- appropriate information about the situation and answer their questions truthfully. Let them know that it's okay to feel scared or confused. Let them see how you are open to talking about all sorts of matters with no judgement.

• Establishing and maintaining a consistent daily routine can provide children with a sense of stability and predictability during uncertain times. Routine and family rituals are comforting to a child who needs to know their boundaries and limitations.

• Limit children's exposure to news coverage and social media discussions about the uncertain situation. Instead, provide updates and information in a calm and reassuring manner. Read newspapers with information that is appropriate to be read.

• Validate your child's feelings and emotions regularly, acknowledging that it's normal to feel scared, anxious, or uncertain during challenging times. Encourage them to express their feelings through talking, drawing, or writing them. Let them see how you manage your emotions and deal with unsettling situations. Be authentic.

• Help children focus on what they can control in the situation, such as practicing good hygiene, following safety guidelines, and engaging in activities that promote well-being. Empower them to take positive actions within their control. Talk about what is reasonable to be in their control.

• If a child can learn to problem solve they become independent learners. Teach children problem-solving skills and encourage them to brainstorm solutions to the challenges they are facing. Sometimes breaking down problems into smaller parts makes solutions easier to manage.

• Model self-care behaviours for your children by taking care of your own physical and emotional well-being. Let them see that you value personal care to nurture your self interests.

• Help children stay connected with friends and loved ones through virtual means, such as video calls, online games etc. Social connections can provide comfort and support during uncertain times. Remember it takes a village to bring up a child.

• Encourage resilience by highlighting examples of resilience in stories, movies, or real-life experiences. Help children recognize their own strengths and abilities to overcome challenges and bounce back from adversity. Affirm regularly their strengths when you notice them.

• If you notice signs of significant distress, don't hesitate to seek professional help from a counsellor, therapist, or mental health professional who specializes in working with children. Such help is readily available to families.

Let’s be optimistic and positive with our children letting them see that with good care and proper directions today’s world can be understood and managed. As a parent negotiating your own way through today’s world will be a challenge. However, with a little bit of reflection and care you can make such a difference for your child.

“Whilst we live in uncertain times, let’s be certain we value effective parenting
to make the difference for our children.”

— Gail J Smith

Build resilience in your child

As parents, from the very beginning, we see ourselves as the primary nurturer. We should also be seeing ourselves as the primary builder of resilience in our children. We want them to be strong, independent people, who can cope in life, without relying too heavily on us the parents. Sometimes, because we become cautious and anxious to ensure that our children are coping well, we forget about our role to strengthen their resilience and give them the skills they need to survive outside of the family cave.

Consider the following:

• Teach children how to identify problems, brainstorm solutions and take action to address challenges.

• Encourage them to think creatively and persistently seek solutions, even when faced with setbacks. Let them see that failure is part of life.

• Help children develop a growth mindset by emphasizing the power of positive thinking and seeing challenges as opportunities for growth. Encourage them to focus on their strengths. See life as an opportunity and stay focused on solving problems not being overcome by them.

• Create a supportive and nurturing environment where children feel comfortable expressing their emotions openly and seeking support when needed. Offer empathy and encouragement. Let them see how possible it is for them to work through a successful process.

• Equip children with effective coping skills to manage stress, such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness practices, and relaxation techniques. Encourage them to develop healthy outlets for expressing emotions, such as writing in diaries, art, or physical activity.

• Foster independence in children by encouraging them to take on age-appropriate

  responsibilities. Allow them to experience natural consequences and learn from their mistakes in a supportive environment.

• Cultivate strong, supportive relationships with family members, friends, and other trusted adults who can serve as positive role models.. Your child needs all the positive help they can get.

• Expose children to stories of resilience through books, movies, and real-life examples. Highlight individuals who have overcome adversity and achieved success . Talk about them and especially their qualities.

• Focus on effort rather than outcomes and celebrate children's achievements, big and small. Praise their hard work, resilience, and perseverance. Celebrating the process not so much the results of the outcomes.

• Create a sense of belonging within the family and community by involving children in meaningful activities, traditions, and rituals. There are many charitable organizations with which they can engage themselves.

• Be a positive role model for resilience by demonstrating healthy coping strategies, and positive problem-solving skills. Show children that setbacks and failures are opportunities for growth and learning.

• When you are around your child be an optimistic person. Let them see that life is a hopeful experience. Moody environments can breed anxiety.

Be prepared to nurture independence in your child as this will be a major hallmark of strength for your child. Let them slowly engage with the world by themselves as this will gradually build strong resilience leading to a happier individual.

“Encouraging independence and building resilience in your child is a life saver”

— Gail J Smith

Learning to be tolerant around your child

In busy households with so much happening it is easy to lose your patience with your child. After all we are human and there are certain things that push our buttons. If we learn to be more tolerant around our child such modelling will reflect in the way our children treat us and others. There is much to be said about showing tolerance to our child.

• We live in a global world. Practizing tolerance helps children appreciate and embrace diversity. It fosters an understanding that people come from different backgrounds, cultures, and perspectives, enriching their worldview.

• Tolerance teaches children compassion and empathy. When they learn to accept and respect others, they are more likely to show kindness and understanding in their interactions. So your modelling of tolerance will mean that you demonstrate compassion and empathy.

• Tolerant individuals tend to have stronger social skills. Teaching children tolerance helps them navigate diverse social environments, communicate effectively, and build positive relationships.

• Tolerance challenges and reduces prejudiced attitudes and stereotypes. It encourages children to see individuals for who they are rather than making assumptions based on superficial characteristics. Your example of treating everyone well will make a difference to your child’s perception of how to operate around different people

• Tolerance contributes to the creation of inclusive communities. When children learn to appreciate differences, they actively contribute to fostering an environment where everyone feels welcome and valued.

• In a tolerant learning environment, children feel more comfortable expressing themselves and sharing their ideas. This openness enhances the overall educational experience and encourages creativity. Your home should embrace tolerance which makes for a safe environment.

• Tolerance is a key factor in preventing bullying and conflict. When children understand and accept each other's differences, there is less room for negative behaviours based on prejudice or discrimination. Children don't go looking for differences when they are open to accepting others.

• In an increasingly globalized world, tolerance is a crucial skill. Children who learn to appreciate and respect diversity are better prepared to navigate an interconnected and multicultural society. Our children need to understand the bigger world

• Tolerance contributes to the development of emotional intelligence. Children learn to manage their emotions in response to diverse situations, fostering resilience and adaptability. They see the world from a more mature perspective.

A home where there is tolerance is a safe haven for a child. If a child feels that they will be given space to talk about their concerns they are more likely to talk more openly and comfortably about what is on their mind.

“To build tolerance, practise breathing slowly before dealing with confronting issues. Space makes all the difference.”

— Gail J Smith

Managing children’s behaviour

Behaviour of children varies from time to time. Often the reasons for the behaviour are hard to work out and need time and patience spent with the child. Other times it can be simple to resolve and as the parent you move on quickly.

Here are some positive cues to help set the scene enabling your child to cope better when behaviour is poor. It also gives you a greater capacity to manage the situation and reduce the impact on parent and child.

1. A positive happy home environment

   A positive happy home environment where the child feels safe and secure is an excellent setting for a child to feel that problems are solvable. Lots of smiles, laughter and  attention will make a difference. Keep the home environment warm and welcoming.

2.  Positive Reinforcement and Encouragement

   Focus on Positive Behaviour: Acknowledge and praise good behaviour to reinforce it. Encouragement helps children understand what is expected and reinforces their positive actions. Positive behaviour is the key to teaching your child how to deal with matters.

3.  Consistent Rules and Expectations

   Set Clear and Consistent Boundaries: Establish clear rules and expectations. Consistency is key—when children know what is expected, it helps them understand limits and fosters a sense of security. Teach behaviours that you want to be  present. Demonstrate and reward your child when you see good behaviour. Provide a good example for the child to copy.

4.  Effective Communication and Active Listening

   Listen and Communicate: Encourage open communication. Listen actively to understand their perspective and feelings. Communicate calmly and explain reasons behind rules or consequences. Remain calm and consistent in the way you engage with your child.

5.  Use of Logical Consequences

   Apply Logical and Proportionate Consequences: Consequences should be related to the behaviour and age-appropriate. Logical consequences help children understand the impact of their actions without being punitive. Be clear in how you talk about these consequences. Model Behaviour and Teach Problem-Solving

   Leading by Example: Children often emulate the behaviour they observe. Model the behaviour you wish to see in them, including problem-solving skills and managing emotions effectively.

If you adopt the belief that children’s behaviour is exactly that...child-like, you will begin to put things into perspective. They will, from time to time, challenge your authority and demand their needs be met. By being consistent and caring in the way you deal with such matters, you will make all the difference to their emotional growth.

‘A parent who has a positive outlook on life passes on a happy message to their child.’

-Gail J Smith

Managing anger around children.

Anger management can be quite an issue when we live busy lives, have many and varied pressures on us and our children are unsettled. It’s a natural part of life to feel anger. What we need to understand is that a child can often misinterpret our anger and will often take on much of the blame when we have a meltdown. Managing our anger around children is the best way to ensure that your child is not overpowered by your feelings. Our angry outbursts can sometimes lead them to shut down and to avoid being in our presence.

 Here are some thoughts on how your anger can influence your child.

• Children need a safe and nurturing environment. Uncontrolled anger can create fear and emotional insecurity, impacting a child's sense of safety at home. The home should be a very safe place for them.

•  Witnessing frequent anger can harm a child's mental health. It may lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and difficulty in managing emotions. Often they blame themselves for the anger.

• Children learn by observing. Constant exposure to anger might lead them to imitate aggressive behaviours, affecting their own ways of handling stress and conflicts. What they see is often what they think is the way to operate.

• A calm environment encourages open communication. When parents manage anger, it fosters trust, allowing children to feel comfortable sharing their feelings without fear of harsh reactions.

• Children learn about healthy relationships from their parents. Managing anger positively teaches them constructive ways to handle conflicts, promoting healthier relationships in the future. When they see healthy relationships, they desire to have them in their life.

If the family household contains a lot of anger, it can put your child at risk of mental health problems later in life. It also suggests that they may become aggressive and exhibit behavioural problems themselves.

Consider the three R’s of anger- Recognise, Reflect and Respond. Also, when feeling really angry, step away from the feeling for a while. This helps reduce the angry feeling.

 As a parent, understand how you cope emotionally with your child.  Being aware will make all the difference to yourself and especially your child.

 ‘For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson.

A happy child makes us all feel the joy of youth.

Here are five needs that a child once fulfilled will be content

1. Love and Support
   A happy child needs love, care, and unwavering support from family and caregivers.

2. Opportunities for Play and Exploration
   Children thrive when they have ample opportunities for play and exploration in a safe and stimulating environment.

3. Positive Reinforcement and Encouragement
   Encouraging words, praise, and positive reinforcement contribute to a child's happiness and confidence.

4. Healthy Relationships and Connection
   Building healthy relationships and fostering strong connections with family and friends are crucial for a child's happiness.

5. Sense of Security and Stability
   A stable and secure environment provides the foundation for a child's happiness and well-being.

‘Never underestimate that your attention, respect, confidence and security given to your child are building a very happy person.’

Gail J Smith

Talking positively to your child makes all the difference.

Engaging positively with your child can have a transformative effect. The manner in which you converse with your child significantly influences their communication style and their receptiveness to you.

Bear in mind the following:

• Show genuine interest and engagement when they speak. Treat these moments as invaluable opportunities for them to convey their thoughts to you.

• Employ a gentle and soothing tone of voice. Harsh tones not only discourage attentive listening, but also inadvertently convey negativity. Strive to soften your voice, even when discipline becomes challenging.

• Your child is more inclined to listen attentively and emulate good speech habits if they consistently hear a pleasant and comfortable tone from you. They will reciprocate the same respectful way of speaking if it's consistently modelled for them.

• Consider the power of respectful speech. Using a gentle tone makes the conversation more engaging for everyone involved, fostering an atmosphere of respect.

• Pay attention to your choice of words. Could your language be improved to express ideas more effectively? Implementing a rich vocabulary can be an excellent tool for enhancing communication.

Why speaking well to children is important.

1. Boosts Self-Esteem: Children often view themselves through the lens of their parents' comments and reactions. Speaking positively and constructively helps build their self-esteem and self-confidence, shaping a more positive self-image.

2. Improves Cognitive Development: Language-rich interactions can enhance children's cognitive development. Varied and complex vocabulary can stimulate their brain, encouraging them to learn and understand new words and concepts.

3. Promotes Healthy Relationships: Effective and respectful communication sets the groundwork for building strong, healthy relationships. By speaking well to your child, you're teaching them the importance of clear, kind, and respectful communication, a skill that will benefit them in all their future relationships.

Managing children’s behaviour.

There is much to say about this topic but this article is to simply give you a broadsheet, a quick summary of what helps in the area of better management at home.

Firstly and no surprise, a child needs to live in a home that is a positive space and at all times, friendly. Here the child needs to really feel at home and it is a safe place where they get lots of positive encouragement and praise for good behaviour. Teachers are similarly aware that providing such a climate in the classroom gives children a feeling of being valued and wanting to learn. There is nothing more enjoyable than seeing a happy classroom in action.

The household should have clear rules and be a place where the child can see you, the parent living by the standards you set for them. The home is an important place of modelling for parents. The rules and values you live by should be evident in the home and form a good example for your child.

The home should be a stable place and provide emotional and physical security for the child. Never underestimate that the home is a safe haven for your child as they grow and deal with outside shifting and challenging life matters. The home is a place of physical and mental respite and one in which a child can be themselves.

Setting up regular patterns such as mealtime, bedtimes and other routines are important and provide consistency for the child. Of course, you will get objections from time to time but such challenges are normal, especially as the child grows and sees other models outside the home. Just as they grow you also need to adjust and modify rules to suit your growing child. Here I specifically refer to the importance of being flexible.

Create a home environment where the child feels they have a voice and that you see them as a legitimate person with evolving opinions, ideas and values. Be inclusive in your conversations with them and they will learn to see themselves as valid family members.  Their voice is important no matter what the age.

Teachers know that their classroom will generate much learning and stimulus if they provide an open and inviting style of classroom.  They know that they need to be consistent and authentic to get the best from their class.  It is amazing how such a climate can influence a child’s performance.

Finally, you will manage your child’s behaviour well if you are an approachable parent, a good listener, intuitive in what to challenge and in what to let go.

A wise parent knows that it is all about enabling your child to grow in different ways as opposed to overmanaging them.

‘There is no such thing as a perfect parent so just be a real one.’

Sue Atkins

Catching good behaviour isn’t that difficult

 We certainly are quick to notice the behaviour that troubles us. We have an immediate reaction to stop it and deal with the matter which is annoying us. How often do we reward our child in spontaneous ways? Do we notice the various spontaneous occasions that can be rewarded and often through different ways?

Never underestimate the value of the positive words you use with your children. There is a clever way of getting even smarter with words and that is by picking up on spontaneous positive moments you notice.

‘You certainly have good manners. Thanks for passing the bread so quickly.’

‘I love the way you close the care door gently. It is good manners.’

‘I notice how you listen to your friends when they tell you, their stories. You are a very empathetic person.’

‘What a gentleman. You carried the groceries in to the kitchen.’

‘How happy you make me when I see how you care for your little brother.’

‘Thanks for picking up the mess. I am just too tired.’

‘You are such a fair person when you play games. You always share with the other person.’

Note that all the above are incidental statements that can be said on the run. The trick is to notice behaviour at a deeper level and comment on how they impact on you or are just simply noticed qualities you admire. The use of good language is important. Sometimes we forget to praise behaviour that is actually building emotional maturity. This involves affirming their generosity, kindness to others, empathy to children. If you think about today’s experiences, were there occasions where you could have simply noticed something you like about your child?

Once a child realises that you notice and appreciate them in different forms, they are more inclined to repeat that behaviour. What you notice about them is how you define them. Their sense of how they are valued comes from how you treat them and especially the words you use to describe them.

There are many ways to listen to your child and one special way is to affirm them in subtle ways.  You are listening to their rhythm of life and celebrating what makes them special.

‘Affirm people. Affirm your children. Believe in them, not in what you see but in what you don’t see. their potential.’

-Stephen R Covey

A positive thought

It is just so tricky thinking up creative ways to have fun and engage with the children in lockdown. I was recently thinking of a very successful teacher who had the most wonderful disposition and skill in turning doom and gloom in the classroom into something happy and positive.

No mean feat when you have unsettled children. Perhaps her idea may have some application in your home. Call it a “negative stop buster” to clear the cobwebs and change thinking in a negative way.

Her method of improving attitude was to declare the day a P Day. This meant that the children could only talk positive talk and discuss things that were making them happy. For example:

• Today the sun has come out.

• I am really looking forward to lunch.

• I finished my on-line work. Yeh!!

• I will wear this t-shirt. I like all the colours.

• I love riding my bike.

• I am looking forward to some desert.

• Thanks for lending me your pencil.

• When we play Lego together I have so much fun.

What this teacher was doing was conditioning the children into seeing the small things in the day as positive. It is quite amazing how it can redirect your mood. In the junior classes, children would record how many times they talked about positive thoughts. It became quite a fun activity.

It was a game, but one in which the children turned their thinking to discovering the positive in simple things. This naturally created positive feelings that can take away the unsettling mood.

Perhaps you could have a “P” hour once a day as a whole day could be just too much to coordinate.

This game is simply a tool in redirecting negative thoughts into positive. You may find it a useful strategy in the home setting during these repeated days of more of the same.

No surprises, this teacher was well loved by the children. Positive people always attract others through their warm and happy disposition.

“A positive mindset brings positive things.”

— Phillip Reiter

A child’s strengths - Oh so many!

Do we recognise the unique strengths that your child has brewing within them? We are certainly able to identify some of the obvious strengths. Your child may be good at Maths. They may write well. They may excel at running or some other sport. All of these are clear and visible strengths in which we affirm and easily give our child reassurance. There are also many evolving aspects of your child that need nurturing and encouragement. They can be more subtle and we need to be tuned in, to pick up the signs for these evolving strengths. They are developing strengths in the emotional and social aspects of their life which are critical for your child to become a well-rounded, functioning adult. We often forget to acknowledge these developing strengths and so I will now list some for us to reflect on as parents. The list is not exclusive but hopefully will give some insight into what you are looking for in your child.

Does your child demonstrate from time to time?

• Compassion for others.

• Unselfishness and is able to share.

• A generous spirit and will check to ensure others are included.

• Developing empathy to those less abled or in some way hurt or offended.

• An ability to share conversation and listen well to others.

• Shows patience in difficult situations.

• Kindness to those around.

• Has an ability to form friends well and easily. Do they sustain friendships?

• Is your child inclusive with other children in their friendship groups?

• Has a tendency to put others ahead of themselves.

• Reflects on activities that happen to them.

• Talks positively about others and looks for the best in people.

• When they are challenged through school work, friendships etc. do they look to find the positive in the situation and choose not to blame?

• Are they able to forgive hurts and move on quickly?

• Is sharing a natural part of how they interact with others?

All of these and there are plenty more, are examples of a child’s developing social and emotional maturity. All of these qualities should be strengthened by our tuning into their presence in our child’s life.

‘Well done, I can see how you are a good friend and you gave your share of the sweets to James because he wasn’t feeling well.’

‘I noticed how you included all the children in your class to your birthday party. You are fair to everyone.’

‘When you play basketball, I notice how you are keen to play as a team player and share the ball. Bravo.’

Your progressive affirmations alert the child to the fact that their social and emotional responses are highly valued. This is the foundational time for building an intuitive and emotionally intelligent young adult who will be a well-rounded and productive individual with a great ability to remain mentally healthy.

“Teach your children how to identify their own strengths and challenge them to contribute these strengths to others.”

—  Marcus Buckingham