Raising Kids Who Care: Teaching Generosity & Compassion at Home

In a world that often feels rushed and self-focused, generosity and compassion are more valuable than ever. Teaching your child these qualities isn’t just about being “nice”, it builds their resilience, strengthens relationships, and helps them grow into confident, caring adults.

Model it daily

Kids watch more than they listen. Let them see you holding the door open for a stranger, giving a sincere compliment, or offering help to someone in need. These small acts stick. What they see you do is what they think you are as a person.

Involve them in giving

When you donate food, money, or time, bring your child into the process. Let them help choose the canned goods, wrap the gift, or write the card. This turns giving into a family habit, not a one-off event. Have conversations with them as to why you choose to donate. Talk about the difference it makes to your life.

Practice empathy in everyday moments

When a friend is upset, ask your child, “How do you think they’re feeling? What could we do to help?” These conversations build emotional intelligence and awareness. Developing sensitivity to others is an important tool.

Celebrate acts of kindness

Recognize when your child shows compassion, whether it’s sharing a snack or comforting a classmate. This reinforces the value of caring without turning it into a competition. Let them see that being kind is a sign of strength.

Make it part of family culture

Start a “kindness jar” where family members write down acts of generosity they’ve done or seen. Read them together once a week, it’s a powerful reminder that small actions matter. Talk about the value of kindness and how it has had an impact on your life.

Generosity and compassion aren’t skills to tick off a list, they’re regular ways of living. When you weave them into your family’s daily life, your child won’t just learn to care, they’ll grow up to change the world. For them it will be an automatic response in a world that can be from time to time harsh.

“Be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud.”

— Maya Angelou

Lasting memories of a childhood

I remember Barbara, just stunning! I recently pulled her out of a dusty box that was labelled, ‘old goods’. How could that be? Barbara looked to me as fresh and alive as the day I met her. I was six and she was to be my companion doll for several long years, as I was an only child. Her bright blue eyes slowly opened and closed, Sometimes I carefully pulled down the heavy, thick dark eyelashes. I would think she was once again doing that all familiar wink and reassurance that she was there just for me.

I noticed her dress. It had been sewn together by my mother using scraps from a box. I remember thinking how clever it must have been to sew pieces of material together. They were from the factory in which my mother worked. She would often bring remnants of material home, and they all ended up in this one tall box.

Barbara seemed a little lighter than I remember her and sadly her left leg had come away from the plastic joint. I remember that had she visited a doll’s hospital to get that problem fixed or so I was told and I waited what seemed forever to get her home. She must have missed me terribly. I also had a memory flash of times when Barbara and I would have tea parties with my cat on the lawn. Strange isn’t it, as I now have allergies to cats. I wondered when I stopped liking them as I find them now a menace to my health.

Memories started to flow of times when Barbara and I would chat about who, where and what was in my small world. A few broken lines from songs came to mind, that as a child I sang, long since forgotten. At least they were a remnant of happy songs which now have faded into obscurity. It wasn’t an easy childhood, but Barbara was always there. She seemed to wear that same reassuring look and would on occasion with my encouragement, by pulling down her eyelash, give me a wink.

These scattered memories took me into a happy, secure place and reminded me, that as a child, we take with us various images that can still play a small part in our older life. Thanks Barbara! I will now show my appreciation by placing you on a shelf where I can glance at you occasionally when I have those darker moments. I know you will be a stable, secure influence that I take from my somewhat disheveled childhood. You will always have those bright, red cheeks and your hair will look so smart, not a wave out of place. I like that idea of stillness and stability.

I wonder what all our children today will take with them into adulthood.As parents, we help in creating some of those lasting images and in every child. I hope they find their Barbara.

How To Keep Your Anger Under Control Around Children

Being angry from time to time is natural. We cannot be even tempered all the time and there are often triggers that will set us off. Tiredness and being over busy are catalysts for feeling anger. We know that children can become quite anxious if a parent shows a lot of anger from time to time. Intermittent anger can be very confusing for a child and they will often withdraw when that happens.  Uncontrolled anger from a parent can have severe effects on a child.

Below are some recommendations to practise reducing your anger. They are excellent strategies to use which will also have a calming effect on yourself. This will benefit your moods and overall well being. There is strength in calmness.

Consider:

• Practice Deep Breathing: When you feel anger rising, take a moment to breathe deeply. Inhale slowly for a count of four, hold for a count of four, and exhale for a count of four. Repeat this a few times to help calm your mind and body.

• Take a Timeout: Just like children, parents can benefit from a timeout. If you feel overwhelmed, step away for a few minutes to collect your thoughts. This can help prevent you from saying or doing something in anger that you might regret later.

• Identify Triggers: Pay attention to what specific situations or behaviours trigger your anger. Understanding your triggers allows you to anticipate and manage them better, reducing the likelihood of an outburst.

• Use Positive Self-Talk: Remind yourself that anger is a natural emotion but it can be controlled. Use phrases like “I can handle this calmly” or “I am in control of my emotions” to re frame your mindset in stressful situations.

• Implement Physical Activity: Physical exercise is a great way to release built-up tension and stress. Incorporate regular physical activity into your routine, whether it’s a daily walk, yoga, or a quick workout, to help manage your anger levels.

• Communicate Openly: Express your feelings in a calm and constructive manner. Use “I” statements to explain how you feel and why, without blaming or criticising your child. For example, say “I feel frustrated when the toys are left out because it makes the room messy” instead of “You never clean up your toys.”

• Be Authentic: Your child knows you well. Talk to them about the things that can make you upset and this will help them take more responsibility when they bring up certain topics. It is also a positive family thing to do when families talk about what makes them angry.

Through managing your anger you are setting a great example for your child. They will see the effort being made and recognise that controlling anger is a necessary skill to live effectively.

‘Being calm, you show strength through your actions.’

-Gail J Smith

Valuable resources for mastering effective communication with your child

In the rush of the busy day, we sometimes talk to our children in short sharp bursts. This can be frustrating for the parent and the child, both struggling to be heard and to have their needs met. It is no wonder that we become irritated when we don't get an answer or we feel no one is listening.

Here are some helpful skills that we can use to support a child who needs to be heard. Acquiring these skills can significantly enhance the quality of our conversations.

• When a child starts talking and you feel it is important to listen, then attending is a key skill to learn. This involves really being with the child, making appropriate eye contact, being still and focusing on what they have to say. This is all about using the right body language to let your child know that you are really listening. Here you give your total attention to the child.

• Silence is a wonderful tool in showing your child that you are really listening. This means no interruptions to their talk and passively hearing what they have to say. Silence can be very powerful in communicating. It is especially helpful if the child is upset, angry or anxious.

• As the child talks in order to let them know you are truly listening you can give head nods or perhaps mutter for example, ’Hmm, Really, Yes.” This gives them ongoing reassurance that you are listening and not making any judgements on what they have to say.

• Encourage them to keep talking. ‘Would you like to talk more about that?’ This is indicating that you are there to listen and you want them to have every opportunity to talk for as long as they feel necessary. This is very helpful to young children who find it hard to articulate what they have to say.

• If you feel your child needs the time to be heard, find a suitable place to have the conversations. Distractions, noise etc. can stop their flow of conversation leading to disappointment and frustration.

• Keep to the same level as your child instead of towering over them. This makes them feel that you are genuinely listening.

• Have a positive disposition as they talk. This may mean smiling and reassuring them that their feelings are valued.

• When talking back use a gentle tone of voice where the child feels that there is no judgement or disappointment.

• Finally, you can use active listening. This is picking up on what they see and repeating the essence of their conversation. ‘You said that when you fell on the school yard you felt so sad.’ Picking up the essence of their talk and especially the emotion will give them fuel for talking back with more information.

To help your child after they have disclosed something important and you have listened well, be clear in what you have to say, be correct in your response and always show compassion. In this way you develop trust.

“If you respect your child, then listen to what they have to say.”

— Gail J Smith

Beware the roadblocks to good communication with your child

Sometimes we wonder why our children are not listening or are reacting in unacceptable ways to what we have to say and do. Often it's as simple as the fact that we set up roadblocks to good communications with them. We often do this incidentally without any awareness that we are setting up barriers to talking with them without irritation and understanding. Consider below some of the barriers that we can set up often innocently and thinking we are operating in their best interest.

• Take care not to be just giving out orders. After a while a child tunes out and the orders fall on deaf ears.

• Sometimes we can get so tired that we just give warnings to stop poor behaviour as quickly as possible. If you keep swinging on the gate you will fall over on the concrete and hurt yourself.

• As parents we know we have the responsibility of caring but sometimes we think we need to give the solutions to all their problems. How often do you ask others to tell you how to solve your problems.

• Be careful with the use of language. When you use word like “stupid' and 'dumb” the child will only here that word and will think that you believe they are dumb. Language is a powerful tool or it can become a weapon. Take care with how you use it.

• Try not to probe all the time. When you ask too many questions you will eventually get no response.

• Try not to over analyze a child's behaviour. Often it is as simple as a child making a mistake. Move on quickly making it less complicated.

• Sometimes we can use sarcasm to ward off a concern they have. Take care not to use adult wit to control conversations with a child. They know that it is a put down.

• When we are busy we can change the subject very quickly. Always listen to your child and if busy say that you will talk about their concern later when you have more time. Remember that following up is important.

When we use roadblocks we can easily recognize how a child will shut down and lose an interest in talking to you. We are not about solving our child's problems. We are all about responsible parenting and not being a therapist. We slowly and steadily develop their independent thinking skills. We are an adviser and a wise model. We listen with care and we respect their right to have an opinion.

“A child feels heard when they hear no roadblocks limiting their conversations.”

— Gail J Smith

A Few Tips on keeping a Calm Household

We all know that busy families make for busy lives which of course leads to tiredness and tension from time to time. It is natural that being calm and steady throughout the busy week can almost become impossible. Below are a few simple tips on reducing weekly domestic tension with your child.

• Try to be less a perfectionist. This can make you very unsettled if in a busy week your ideal plan does not go well. Remember you are dealing with children and their lives are messy and changing frequently. Being more flexible and less demanding of expectations on your part will make life easier.

• Try to keep to routines and have schedules clearly visible for all to see. A child feels more secure when they know predicable patterns across the week occur. They are more unsettled when change occurs.

• Plenty of sleep for everyone in the house is important. You need it as much as your child. Find some personal time in the day, just a few moments that you can call you own. How about that coffee in a cafe for five minutes?

• On the weekend check in with your child for the week ahead. Talk about expectations you have and also discuss those days where your child will need to be contributing more. Getting them involved in planning the week ahead is vital for success.

• When your child talks to you remember to be an effective listener. This may mean that you say, “I can't talk right now but after school we will sit down and I can listen to what you have to say.” Follow through with this as your child will not forget.

• Use bedtime as a time to have more intimate chats with your child. They love to feel special and to know that you are really available.

• With younger children talk at a slower pace if you are giving instructions. They will listen and respond better if they understand what you want from them.

• During the day keep regular affirmations going. This gives your child reassurance that all is well. 'I love the way you pack your lunch for school. It makes a difference in getting to school on time.'

• When having a stressed moment stop and take a deep breath before your respond to your child. It can make such a difference with your response which will carry less frustration to your child.

• Try to keep down the clutter in the house. A very cluttered and disorganized environment makes for less calm children.

• At the end of a week assess with your child how it all went. Were their positive moments and did you both get the best from the way it was organized? Being reflective may make for a better week next time.

• All children work towards independence. From an early age they seek to do things on their own. This actually makes them happier. Consider whether you can give your child more responsibility for themselves. They will love the independence. Don't worry too much when it all goes poorly. Mistakes happen. That is how we all learn.

• Be well aware of what is happening at school. There is nothing more frustrating than catching up with news when it is all too late. Read notices, plan ahead for dress up days. Etc. You will enjoy your child's school much more by being engaged.

• Homework can be a stressful time for the household. Work out the best time for your child to do homework and have it set up in a comfortable, light filled space. You will be more relaxed knowing that your child is in an optimum environment for homework to be done. Also remember that teachers set homework and that if a child is struggling refer it back to the teacher.

Finally we live in an ever changing world with our child. There are always reasons why change must occur or plans altered due to illness, fatigue etc. Expect the unexpected but don't place the burden on yourself when everything does not go to plan. Flexibility and creativity will get you through those tricky moments.

“A parent who understands the changing nature of family, not only survives but thrives.”

— Gail J Smith

Some simple ideas to slow down tension at home

Busy home life can mean a build up of tension as everyone rushes around to complete jobs, homework, work schedules, sport practice etc. There is no shortage of activities that need to be done and as tension builds we can find ourselves angry and behaving in ways that we regret later.

Here are some simple suggestions to ward off problems that can arise from running a busy household where tension can easily build.

• When you find yourself angry at some behaviour, take time out. It may only be a few minutes but it will slow down heightened feelings of anger and give you a chance to respond in a calmer way.

• Be proactive. If you see some potential ares in which trouble can be brewing try to change patterns. For example, if siblings are fighting can you separate them to have time apart.

• If you find yourself very tired, perhaps lighten your load and don’t expect as much of yourself on that day. Fatigue is a great stimulant for losing patience quickly.

• When solving problems with your child choose language that is simple and uncomplicated. When a child is stressed they will not always hear everything you say, so keep it simple and to the point.

• Avoid triggers that will set you off in an angry state. Also consider the triggers that set off your child. Are there some situations that can be avoided. Prevention is better that cure.

• Practice breathing exercises. The more you learn to be calm and breathe well when a difficult situation presents itself, the better you will mange the situation.

• Sometimes you can let things go! Consider, does everything have to be solved. Decide which is best, to be happy or to be right all the time.

• Sometimes it is worthwhile to check in on why you are upset. Is it necessary? Is it really an issue for you?

• Think about how damaging it is to the family to be angry and upset. Think about its importance to be resolved.

• Remember the big picture. In the schema of life do you need to be angry over so many things. Consider that being a good enough parent is what is adequate. After all your journey with your child will be over many years. What can you let go that will make your life easier?

We do not live in a perfect world. Families can be a messy business and we have many pressures on us as parents to always make the best decisions for our children. Take little steps and be gentle on yourself as a parent. Allow your human side to be evident to all and find a peaceful style of working with your children.

“Children do not need us to shape them. They need us to respond to who they are.”

— Naomi Aldort

Keep your child active and engaged in life through outdoor activities

Keeping our children active teaches them to enjoy the great outdoors and to appreciate how their body can be a wonderful source of physical activity and mental wellness. Children need balance and we know that there is much opposition with social media activities and sedentary computer games etc.

Here are some suggestions on how to engage your child in being more active and interested in the great outdoors:

• Transform your backyard into a fun and inviting space for outdoor play. Set up a sandbox, water table, swing set, or playhouse where children can engage in imaginative play. Enjoy activities with them in this fun and active space.

• Organize regular family outings to local parks, nature trails, or beaches. Pack a picnic, bring along outdoor games or sports equipment, and spend quality time together exploring nature and enjoying outdoor activities. Ensure your child has suitable clothing for outdoors. Let them choose some suitable clothing.

• Take nature walks or hikes with your children to explore the natural world around them. Encourage them to observe plants, trees, insects, and animals, and ask questions to spark curiosity and learning. Collect bugs and let them have insect displays, nature trail maps etc. all visible around the house to talk about as a family.

• Take advantage of seasonal outdoor activities throughout the year. Teach the children the beauty of the four seasons and refer often to how the seasons offer different outdoor activities.

• Involve children in outdoor chores and make them enjoyable by turning them into games or challenges. For example, turn gardening into a treasure hunt for worms or challenge them to see who can rake the biggest pile of leaves.

• Provide opportunities for active play outdoors, such as riding bikes, flying kites, playing tag, or kicking a ball around. Let children choose activities that interest them. Plan outdoor times such as ten minutes in between homework activities.

• Be a positive role model by demonstrating your own enjoyment of outdoor activities. Join in the fun and show enthusiasm for spending time outdoors with your children them see how being active makes you happy.

• Set reasonable limits on screen time and encourage children to spend more time outdoors instead. Offer incentives or rewards for choosing outdoor play over screen time, such as extra playtime at the park or a special outdoor adventure.

• Invest in outdoor toys and equipment that make outdoor play more enjoyable and accessible such as balls, frisbees, jump ropes, scooters, or sidewalk chalk.

It is always a matter of balance. However, given the social media war we face with our children so keen to be active with friends and networks through social media, it is reasonable to put forward the model of outdoor life. Once they embrace the feeling of personal well being and wellness from outdoor experiences, they will keep up the habit and learn how to balance life experiences better. Your own interest and passion in this area helps immensely to build their enthusiasm.

“Getting and being physical outdoors takes the edge away from anxieties.”

— Gail J Smith

Parenting through uncertain times

We live in a fast moving world where internet and especially social media impact so much on how we see and interpret the world. I appreciate that for parents finding the right path to direct and support their child over their growing years comes with challenges.

The following thoughts may help to provide a domestic climate where a child feels safe and enabled in such an overstimulated world:

• Communication is a vital key to supporting your children. Encourage open and honest communication with your children about what is happening. Provide age- appropriate information about the situation and answer their questions truthfully. Let them know that it's okay to feel scared or confused. Let them see how you are open to talking about all sorts of matters with no judgement.

• Establishing and maintaining a consistent daily routine can provide children with a sense of stability and predictability during uncertain times. Routine and family rituals are comforting to a child who needs to know their boundaries and limitations.

• Limit children's exposure to news coverage and social media discussions about the uncertain situation. Instead, provide updates and information in a calm and reassuring manner. Read newspapers with information that is appropriate to be read.

• Validate your child's feelings and emotions regularly, acknowledging that it's normal to feel scared, anxious, or uncertain during challenging times. Encourage them to express their feelings through talking, drawing, or writing them. Let them see how you manage your emotions and deal with unsettling situations. Be authentic.

• Help children focus on what they can control in the situation, such as practicing good hygiene, following safety guidelines, and engaging in activities that promote well-being. Empower them to take positive actions within their control. Talk about what is reasonable to be in their control.

• If a child can learn to problem solve they become independent learners. Teach children problem-solving skills and encourage them to brainstorm solutions to the challenges they are facing. Sometimes breaking down problems into smaller parts makes solutions easier to manage.

• Model self-care behaviours for your children by taking care of your own physical and emotional well-being. Let them see that you value personal care to nurture your self interests.

• Help children stay connected with friends and loved ones through virtual means, such as video calls, online games etc. Social connections can provide comfort and support during uncertain times. Remember it takes a village to bring up a child.

• Encourage resilience by highlighting examples of resilience in stories, movies, or real-life experiences. Help children recognize their own strengths and abilities to overcome challenges and bounce back from adversity. Affirm regularly their strengths when you notice them.

• If you notice signs of significant distress, don't hesitate to seek professional help from a counsellor, therapist, or mental health professional who specializes in working with children. Such help is readily available to families.

Let’s be optimistic and positive with our children letting them see that with good care and proper directions today’s world can be understood and managed. As a parent negotiating your own way through today’s world will be a challenge. However, with a little bit of reflection and care you can make such a difference for your child.

“Whilst we live in uncertain times, let’s be certain we value effective parenting
to make the difference for our children.”

— Gail J Smith

Supporting your child with homework and developing good study habits

Homework can be controversial in many teaching circles. However, if a child is given homework, it is important to support their efforts and let it be seen that extended learning from school is valued in your home and you will be a support.

Consider the following:

• Set aside a designated time and space for homework each day to create a consistent routine. This helps children develop a sense of structure and responsibility. Find a comfortable space for your child in which to complete the homework.

• Break down homework assignments into smaller, more manageable tasks. Encourage your child to focus on completing one task at a time. Sometimes they can be daunted by looking at the amount of work to do overnight or in a few days.

• Do not labour over homework tasks that the child is finding too difficult. Stress that they can discuss it with the teacher on the next day. After all the teacher set the homework.

• Create a quiet and organized study space free from distractions, such as television or electronic devices. Offer support and encouragement as needed, but encourage independence and problem-solving skills. Watch the time that the homework is completed. Doing homework when a child is tired or anxious

  is doomed for failure.

• Teach your child effective time management skills, such as prioritizing tasks, setting goals, and creating a homework schedule. Help them learn to plan their homework out well.

• Encourage your child to take regular breaks during homework sessions to rest and recharge. Encourage physical activity, proper nutrition, and adequate sleep to support overall well-being. Create an enjoyable atmosphere around homework time.

• Provide guidance and support when needed, but avoid completing assignments for your child. Encourage them to ask questions, seek clarification from teachers, and use available resources such as textbooks, websites, or tutoring services. Take care not to get in an argument about their completing homework when they are struggling with the activity. This is where you need teacher intervention.

• Encourage a growth mindset by praising effort, persistence, and improvement rather than focusing solely on grades or outcomes. Let their homework time be a time for learning in an inquiring way but with no tension.

• Celebrate your child's successes and achievements, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement helps build confidence and motivation to continue working hard.

• Stay informed about your child's progress and any challenges they may be facing with homework. Communicate regularly with teachers to address concerns and seek additional support or resources if needed. Talk to their teacher about your child’s capacity to do the homework.

• Model good study habits and a positive attitude toward learning in your own behaviour. Let your child see you reading, learning, and problem-solving in your daily life. Perhaps you could sometimes have a quite study time while they are doing their homework

There are various professional opinions about the value of homework. Keep yourself optimistic when your child brings home work to complete. Let them see that learning is ongoing and not just between the school hours.

“Teach your child that learning happens all the time. Homework is merely one component of a very big picture.”

— Gail J Smith

The value of being positive around your child

We live in a world where we are constantly addressing mental health as it is such an interfering and common part of our society. Your child learns so much from you and it is amazing how your disposition can help your child see the world in a positive light.

Consider the following:

• When you portray yourself positively as a parent, your child learns a great deal. They like to copy you and see you in a very positive light.

• If you exhibit a positive presence as a parent, your child absorbs significant learning. They will want to imitate it and they will see how much better the world appears from that perspective.

• If you project positivity as a parent, your child picks up on important lessons. This is a great way of teaching optimism.

• If you see the world as a happy place in which to live that will influence their world.

• Being an optimistic around your child invites them to problem solve in an optimistic way rather than focusing on unsolvable problems

• It is a matter of conditioning your child to being positive. It’s a safer place in which to live.

• When your child adopts positivity it attracts people who enjoy life. Don’t forget to use laughter as part of your persona around your child. Laughter is a happy space in which to live.

• By demonstrating a positive disposition your child will be less anxious to approach you over matters that trouble them.

A bright happy parents who savours life is a mindful person who can teach their child to see the world as a hopeful place. What better mental health lesson can you find?

“Keep your eyes on the sun and you will not see the shadows”

— Aboriginal proverb

Build resilience in your child

As parents, from the very beginning, we see ourselves as the primary nurturer. We should also be seeing ourselves as the primary builder of resilience in our children. We want them to be strong, independent people, who can cope in life, without relying too heavily on us the parents. Sometimes, because we become cautious and anxious to ensure that our children are coping well, we forget about our role to strengthen their resilience and give them the skills they need to survive outside of the family cave.

Consider the following:

• Teach children how to identify problems, brainstorm solutions and take action to address challenges.

• Encourage them to think creatively and persistently seek solutions, even when faced with setbacks. Let them see that failure is part of life.

• Help children develop a growth mindset by emphasizing the power of positive thinking and seeing challenges as opportunities for growth. Encourage them to focus on their strengths. See life as an opportunity and stay focused on solving problems not being overcome by them.

• Create a supportive and nurturing environment where children feel comfortable expressing their emotions openly and seeking support when needed. Offer empathy and encouragement. Let them see how possible it is for them to work through a successful process.

• Equip children with effective coping skills to manage stress, such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness practices, and relaxation techniques. Encourage them to develop healthy outlets for expressing emotions, such as writing in diaries, art, or physical activity.

• Foster independence in children by encouraging them to take on age-appropriate

  responsibilities. Allow them to experience natural consequences and learn from their mistakes in a supportive environment.

• Cultivate strong, supportive relationships with family members, friends, and other trusted adults who can serve as positive role models.. Your child needs all the positive help they can get.

• Expose children to stories of resilience through books, movies, and real-life examples. Highlight individuals who have overcome adversity and achieved success . Talk about them and especially their qualities.

• Focus on effort rather than outcomes and celebrate children's achievements, big and small. Praise their hard work, resilience, and perseverance. Celebrating the process not so much the results of the outcomes.

• Create a sense of belonging within the family and community by involving children in meaningful activities, traditions, and rituals. There are many charitable organizations with which they can engage themselves.

• Be a positive role model for resilience by demonstrating healthy coping strategies, and positive problem-solving skills. Show children that setbacks and failures are opportunities for growth and learning.

• When you are around your child be an optimistic person. Let them see that life is a hopeful experience. Moody environments can breed anxiety.

Be prepared to nurture independence in your child as this will be a major hallmark of strength for your child. Let them slowly engage with the world by themselves as this will gradually build strong resilience leading to a happier individual.

“Encouraging independence and building resilience in your child is a life saver”

— Gail J Smith

Helping your child learn to read

Recent surveys have claimed that one in three children are struggling to read. Without the gift of reading, life for a child begins to shut down and their connection to all that happens at school is limited. Confidence declines rapidly and personal self worth suffers as well. A child who cannot read is very much a disadvantaged child.

There are many way you can help your child to read. There are many styles of teaching reading and as the parent you can make quite a difference to your child’s ability to read.

Consider the following:

• Be a reader yourself. Model the fact that you enjoy reading and it is important in your life.

• Place books, journal articles all around the house. Make it visible that reading is a way of life. Make it a print rich home. There are some tools in technology that can help.

• Read to your child each day. Most parents enjoy reading at bedtime as it is such a warm and inviting time to be around your child. Ask question when reading a book. Listen to their answers and talk about the interesting words.

• Read segments out of the newspaper and ask your child to cut out letters and words. This can be a fun activity.

• Have a word a day or a week that you learn and use together as a family.

• Play scrabble with your child or other word games that are available. There are many resources in this area.

• Invite your child to read to you. Sometimes a family can have a book they are reading together. Each night at dinner perhaps each child reads a little.

• Label in your young child’s room all the objects you can see. This could be bed, table, lamp etc. have fun with your child learning all the words. Play games to memorize high frequency words.

• There are some excellent phonetic charts that you can get in various educational stores. Display these around the house and refer to them from time to time.

• For younger children use songs and nursery rhymes to build phonetic awareness.

• Play word games in the car or at home.

• Letter magnets are fun with younger children.

• There are some tools in technology that can help where children are regularly rewarded for completing activities.

• Make it fun but keep up the fun regularly. The school is working hard using their initiatives and skill to formally teach reading. Your job is to support their work and tap into the teacher to see if they have any recommendations to specifically support your child.

“Once you can read you are liberated from ignorance and can breathe in new life at each read.”

— Gail J Smith

New year’s resolutions that are fun and enjoyable to do with your child

Who really sets new years goals and sticks to them? Certainly the idea of reflecting on change and general improvement is a great idea and we all look forward to new experiences that lighten our load and improve relationships. Here are some fun suggestions that may get you thinking about new ways to engage with your growing child throughout the year we have just commenced.

Consider:

Daily Dose of Laughter: Resolve to bring more laughter into each day, whether it's through silly jokes, funny stories, or playful activities that create joyous moments.

Tech-Free Family Time: Commit to designated tech-free hours where the focus is on quality family time —playing games, having conversations, or enjoying outdoor activities without electronic distractions.

Adventure Jar: Create an adventure jar filled with fun and spontaneous family activities. Each week, pick a new adventure from the jar to keep things exciting and create lasting memories.

Parent-Child Date Nights: Schedule regular one-on-one date nights with each child, allowing for individualized attention and opportunities to bond over shared activities or outings.

Random Acts of Kindness Together: Make a resolution to perform random acts of kindness as a family, spreading positivist and reinforcing the importance of compassion and generosity.

Storytelling Extravaganza: Start a storytelling tradition where each family member takes turns creating and sharing imaginative stories. This fosters creativity and strengthens the family narrative.

Secret Family Handshake: Develop a secret family handshake or high-five that's unique to your clan, adding an element of fun and connection to daily interactions.

Family Photo Challenges: Create monthly photo challenges where each family member contributes pictures based on a theme, promoting creativity and providing a visual chronicle of the year.

Gratitude Jar Ritual: Start a gratitude jar where everyone can drop notes expressing gratitude for each other. Read the notes together on special occasions for a heartwarming family ritual.

DIY Art Gallery: Transform a wall or designated space into a DIY art gallery where everyone's artistic creations are proudly displayed. It's a fun way to appreciate each other's unique talents and expressions.

Nature Explorer Weekends: Plan weekends dedicated to exploring nature together. Whether it's hiking, picnicking, or bird-watching, these outdoor adventures provide opportunities for shared discoveries and relaxation.

Each new year will bring challenges, excitement and new experiences into the family. By adding a little extra enjoyment and family gathering time in some form you lighten the heavy load of parenting and continue to strengthen lasting bonds with your child. It's amazing how a little bit of extra joy can enrich the family.

“When we set goals we believe in ongoing improvement. That’s got to make things a little better.”

— Gail J Smith

Prepare well for the new year

Here are some ideas to start us thinking about creative ways to introduce our children to 2024. With each new year comes opportunities to change, shift thinking, grow in different directions, challenge current ideas etc. Perhaps some suggestions may set you in a new direction as you prepare for what’s ahead.

Family Vision Board Party: Set up a family vision board to set intentions and aspirations for the year ahead. Gather magazines, art supplies, and create vision boards together, depicting hopes, dreams, and goals for each family member.

New Year's Eve Time Capsule: Create a time capsule filled with small mementos, notes, or drawings representing memorable moments from the past year. Seal it and set a date to open it together next year to reminisce and see how much has changed. Place it in a safe and memorable place easy to access.

Setting Family Resolutions: Discuss and set family resolutions together. Encourage everyone to share one goal or resolution they'd like to achieve throughout the year. It's a fun way to support each other's aspirations.

Reflective Family Dinner: Host a reflective family dinner where everyone shares their favourite memories from the past year. Make it festive by dressing up, cooking a special meal, and enjoying quality time together. Keep it upbeat and the memories positive.

Gratitude Jar for the New Year: Start a gratitude jar specifically for the new year. Each day, encourage family members to write down something they're grateful for and place it in the jar. By the end of the year, read and reflect on the abundance of blessings collected.

Family Meeting and Planning: Hold a family meeting to discuss plans and activities for the upcoming year. Brainstorm ideas for vacations, outings, or special family events, allowing everyone to contribute to the planning process.

Family diary: Set up a calendar for the new year. Make it very visible and invite family to start writing up events that they know about. Make it a discussion piece so that the family can discuss whether there are too many busy events etc.

House remodeling: Is there any changes you need to make in the home to improve conditions for your growing family? Perhaps discuss where study areas are allocated and how entertainment areas will work for the year. Think about how you can improve movement and circulation around the house for all the family.

The New Year should be a time where we start to reflect on our hopes and aspirations for the new year. We all seek to keep growing and improving. We recognize that our children are changing and we take that into consideration as we reflect on our needs and expectations for the forthcoming months.

“Each year we begin again. A chance to refresh ourselves on so many levels.”

— Gail Smith

Enjoyable reasons to rest and celebrate family after Christmas:

Enough is enough. You have had a busy year. Now it’s time to savour those rolling days of summer with your family. Consider the ideas below to enrich those family experiences.

Exploring New Adventures: Post-Christmas holidays are a perfect time for spontaneous adventures. It's like setting sail on an unplanned journey, discovering hidden gems in your own backyard or exploring nearby attractions. Find the new feeling to holidays.

Creating. Crafty Fun: Get crafty and unleash creativity with family projects. It's like an artsy workshop, where you turn leftover wrapping paper into handmade cards or transform pine cones into adorable decorations.

Appreciating Slow Mornings: Enjoy lazy mornings without rush or schedules. It's like savouring a hot cup of cocoa while wearing pyjamas until noon – relishing those precious moments of peacefulness. Simply slow down.

Reflecting on the year past: Have fun talking about the adventures, mishaps and funny moments of the last year. It is good to reflect as it helps you think about plans and goals for the new year.

Playing games together: When you are well rested you are more inclined to play together and enjoy those relaxed happy moments. You will laugh more and be a little mindful of the precious times you are spending together as a family.

“Roll out those lazy, hazy crazy days of Summer”

— Song by Nat King Cole

A few good tips when managing your child.

We are all learning how to parent on a daily basis. It keeps evolving as new experiences come our way. There is nothing that is constant as our children are developing and changing over the years.

Here are some reflections on what really works well when engaging with your child.

• Always respect them and let them know they are valued no matter how old they are.

• When you give consequences, be clear about them and ensure they are in proportion to what the problem was about.

• Always consider negotiating with them so that they feel that they have been heard. Giving a little every so often reaps many benefits.

• Your child needs frequent validation and reassurance that they are loved.

• We often talk a lot as a parent. Practise listening and really hearing what they have to say. Be patient and still when listening.

• Encouraging independence slowly and steadily builds their confidence and feelings of self-worth. They can fail without fear of needing reprisal.

• Put reasonable structures and routines in place.

• Be authentic. Let them see the real you with all its success and foibles.

 Practices that should be avoided:

• Name-calling and sarcasm. Words are powerful tools or weapons

• Rules that have no real purpose. A child needs to understand why a rule is in place.

• Too much control and too many noes.

• Be careful with put-downs. Children have a long memory.

• Take care not to overprotect. The apple does not fall far from the tree anyway.

• Too many outbursts of anger around your child. This can send them into silence around you.

In a perfect world, we would not have to think about our parenting. However, we are human, make mistakes and need to keep learning.

The best parenting is when you are always open to change and ready to learn.

 ‘The best inheritance a parent can give his children is a few minutes of his time each day.’

                                   -O A Battista

Teach your child to overcome safe comfort zones

Encouraging children to step out of their comfort zones and take risks is essential for their personal growth and development. It is easy to live with what we know is comfortable and secure. Staying in our comfort zone is a cosy and warm place to be. After all we are wired to stay in it.

Here are six simple and enjoyable ways to inspire them to step outside those comfort zones:

1. Discover New Interests:

   Example: "Let's try a new hobby or activity together, like painting or playing a musical instrument. It's exciting to learn something new!" Keep them interested in the idea that new interests are attractive and should be tried. Show them how you adopt new interests.

2. Embrace Mistakes as Learning Opportunities:

   Example: "Remember, it's okay to make mistakes. When you do, you're actually getting smarter! Let's try solving this puzzle even if we get some answers wrong." Laugh about mistakes. Treat them with respect as they are a way forward in learning new things. Making a mistake leads to rethinking new ideas and strategies

3. Set Achievable Challenges:

   Example: "Pick a goal that seems a little challenging but not too hard, like reading a new book or learning to ride a bike without training wheels. You'll feel so proud when you achieve it!" Let them see that there’s a great feeling of achievement when you achieve a goal. This encourages them to keep seeking out new goals.

4. Explore New Places:

   Example: "How about we visit a new park or go on an adventure hike? Exploring new places can be so much fun, and we can learn new things along the way." Be adventurous. Talk about new places and possible adventures. Invite them to plan your next outdoor adventure.

5. Encourage Trying New Foods:

   Example: "Let's have a 'Try Something New' day where we taste foods we've never had before. Who knows, you might discover a new favourite!" Every now and then, introduce a new food into their diet. Talk about it and invite their comments on what they notice is different.

6. Celebrate Effort and Courage:

   Example: "I'm so impressed by your bravery in trying new things. Let's celebrate your courage with a little family party or a special treat!" When you see them stretch their wings, affirm their efforts. Let them see how you value change and effort leading to new learning.

By incorporating these simple and enjoyable approaches, parents can instil a sense of curiosity, resilience, and a willingness to take healthy risks in their children's lives. Teach them that you are not afraid of difference and that exploration into the unknown is quite exhilarating and offers new challenges. Teach them to reduce the fear of trying something new.

            ‘The ship is always safe at the shore but that is not what it is built for’

                                                                                      -Albert Einstein

Children: Dealing with traumatic war news stories

It is easy to understand how our children can become anxious when they see and hear about the atrocities that are going on in Gaza at the moment. They can easily feel distress and confusion and have a sense of hopelessness when they see some of the graphic scenes of people and children suffering. We know that the media will be drawn to those emotionally charged scenes that are upsetting to all of us. As adults, we process these scenes in our own way, but for a child, such scenes can be quite disturbing and frightening. The memory can last for a long time. It takes the child away from what they understand is safe and guaranteed in their life experiences.

Here are some suggestions on how to control your child’s exposure to such trauma. If your child talks about the war, it is important to have a conversation explaining the situation in a caring way. You would make this conversation age-appropriate and talk about it in a comfortable undistracted environment. Also, reassure them that their world is safe and check in from time to time to ensure that they understood what you had to tell them. After all, they will hear from others, especially their peers, about the situation.

Limit Exposure to News and Images

Control the amount of media exposure your children have. Constantly watching distressing news can heighten anxiety. Consider limiting their exposure to a specific time window or providing age-appropriate summaries yourself to avoid overwhelming content.

Monitor and Filter Content

Stay informed about the news your children consume. Be selective about which sources or channels they access. Opt for child-friendly or filtered news outlets that present information in a less alarming way. Have a strong presence when they are watching television. Perhaps locate the television in a prominent section of the home.

Provide Reassurance and Open Discussion

Encourage open discussions. Explain events in an age-appropriate manner, providing reassurance and emphasizing that they are safe. Answer their questions honestly but with a focus on hope and resilience. They will look to you for a guarantee of their safety when they see or hear disturbing news.

Offer Alternative Activities

Engage in activities that redirect their focus away from distressing news. Encourage hobbies, play, or family activities to create a positive atmosphere and reduce stress levels.

Model Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Children learn from observing their parents. Model healthy coping mechanisms such as taking breaks from news, practising relaxation techniques, or engaging in physical activities. Show how you manage your stress to provide them with coping strategies.

Create Safe Spaces

Designate safe spaces or routines that offer comfort and security. This could be a cosy reading corner, family game nights, or any activity that helps your child feel safe and grounded despite external events. The home for them should be their sanctuary. They will certainly be distressed when they see children from Gaza without that sense of safety.

What is your child’s school doing about it

Schools have policies on how they deal with such matters as global issues and trauma. Check-in with your child’s teacher to see how they talk about the war in the classroom and get some tips to support your discussions at home. You both need to be on the same page here.

Newspapers at home

If they are often lying loosely around the house take care to have them away from your child’s sight if they have graphic images and words about the war.

Finally, these thoughts are all about ensuring that your child has a balanced understanding of the situation for their age. With their growing knowledge of the broader world will come some more emotional maturity. You can ease them into talking about what has happened and discussing the broader philosophical viewpoint on war. It’s all in your responsible hands.

‘Your child will listen very carefully to what you say. So be aware of what you say and how you say it.’ -Gail J Smith

Have you ever heard of the imposter syndrome?

It can creep up on you quickly and before you know it you are a victim of it. It’s that nagging feeling that of course you are not good enough and people will find out about you soon enough. It makes you feel vulnerable and not worthy. It is quite a nasty

Imposter syndrome can indeed be damaging, but parents can play a crucial role in helping their children recognize and cope with it.

Here are six ideas with examples for parents to teach their children about imposter syndrome:

1. Promote Self-Awareness:

   Example: Ask your child about their feelings and experiences. Say, "Have you ever felt like you didn't belong or that you weren't good enough? It's okay to feel that way sometimes, and we can talk about it. Those feelings will trick you easily into believing you are just not good enough.”

2. Normalize Imperfection:

   Example: Share your own experiences of self-doubt and how you overcame them. Say, "Even grown-ups sometimes feel like they don't know what they're doing, but we learn and improve as we go along." Talk about the time you had self-doubt and how you worked it through. What clever strategies did you use?

3. Highlight Effort and Growth:

   Example: Praise your child for their hard work and efforts rather than just their achievements. Say, "I'm proud of how you worked on this project, even if the outcome wasn't perfect. You're learning and growing, and that's what matters." Talk about how the effort and the journey was a success in its own right.

4. Encourage Self-Compassion:

   Example: Teach your child to be kind to themselves. Say, "It's okay to make mistakes. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend when they make a mistake." Talk about how mistakes are part of the growth process and we all make them.

5. Set Realistic Expectations:

   Example: Help your child set achievable goals and expectations. Say, "Let's set goals that challenge you but are still doable. That way, you'll feel more confident in reaching them." Be realistic about what is possible and celebrate as goals are reached.

6. Focus on Strengths and Talents:

   Example: Encourage your child to recognise their strengths and talents. Say, "You have unique qualities that make you special. Let's talk about the things you're really good at and proud of." Focus on their personal strengths. The things that make them unique. Highlight how they make a difference.

By addressing imposter syndrome with these strategies and examples, parents can empower their children to develop a healthy self-image, embrace challenges, and build resilience in the face of self-doubt which can be particularly overpowered during adolescence.

 ‘Self-doubt can be destructive for our children. Keep massaging their sense of self-worth and reminding them how society is richer for having them.'

                                                                                       -Gail J Smith