Tired of always reacting to meltdowns and lost lunchboxes? What if you could shape how your child sees the world instead? In this blog, we explore how small, proactive steps can build resilience and boost your child’s mental health.
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Read MoreMothers, it's important not to underestimate the value of personal time. Balancing family responsibilities while staying calm and rested is no small feat. Though there's no one-size-fits-all solution, it's worth considering ways to make life a bit easier. Parenting shouldn't feel like an overwhelming burden on top of managing home and work. Gail Smith offers practical steps to help you navigate those hectic school weeks with a little more ease.
Read MoreIn today's complex world, children face an overwhelming influx of information from social media and other sources. It's crucial to ensure their happiness and sense of security during the early years to build mental resilience. By being present, listening well, and working together to solve problems, parents can foster resilience and reassurance in their children. Gail Smith emphasizes the importance of monitoring and supporting your child's mental health.
Read MoreAs parents, it's easy to focus solely on our children's well-being and overlook our own. However, maintaining our own mental and physical health is crucial for effective parenting. Gail Smith explains how prioritizing self-care enhances our ability to be the best parents we can be. Keep your well-being at the forefront to savor the joys of parenting.
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Read MoreThere is an old saying, ‘the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.’ Your child will be strongly influenced by your image and how this image is portrayed in their young lifetime, will determine how much of it is finally adopted. Family values are important. Read here for some factors to consider. Gail Smith, The Primary Years.
Read MoreYou are probably creating some new ones during this lockdown. Family rituals are all about setting up special times or events that celebrate some aspect of your family life. They are a beneficial tool in building and strengthening families. They are an important foundational aspect of building family life. Activities become a ritual when the family practises regular times or occasions when they come together for that express purpose. After a while, it then becomes a tradition.
There are many forms of rituals and of course families develop their own traditions and celebrations that become embedded into your family life. If you are a family that practises a religion then you will be very familiar with ritual. For those families who develop their own style of ritual, it becomes an important aspect of your unique family life. It is a sacred statement present in your family.
Schools are very keen on the rituals that make them unique. A school will build into their calendar a series of events across the year which are unique to them. This gives them individuality and brings everyone together to celebrate what makes them special. A school motto will have in it words that symbolise what the school stands for. A school will take up opportunities to come together and celebrate who they are through their rituals which become traditions. School assemblies are always a time to sing the school song and national anthem, present awards etc. The regularity of such assemblies becomes a pattern that is important in school ritual.
Rituals can be as simple as ensuring that everyone eats together once a week at the family table. It can be about family patterns that everyone participates in such as having a regular games night or enjoying together a takeaway night. Celebrations such as Christmas are an excellent time for family ritual to be present and alive in families.
Children need and crave rituals in their life as they ground them to what is familiar and safe. Of course, no surprises that many teenagers begin to question family rituals, but what goes around comes around. As they mature, they begin to identify with what they held dear in their growing up days and they learn to build ritual into their own life.
Think about what makes your family unique and start talking about how regular time spent together doing something special is family ritual.
Think about:
The activities that you do together that are a regular item at home and valued by everyone.
Do you have some family habits that are worth developing? For example, is there a family night to watch movies?
Are you a family that exercises together regularly? This can become quite a serious and important part of the family dynamic.
Talk to the family about aspects of your life that are important to you. The more the child realises that there are aspects of their family that are precious and unique, they begin to see family as a safe and secure place.
In working with children, I always noticed that the more vulnerable children especially valued routine and familiar settings. They felt secure about the regularity of what happened in their classroom. They were conscious of the timetable, lunch hours, playtime etc. They could easily identify with what made them happy through routine and regular planning.
We all need ritual in our life and a family setting provides the climate to nurture rituals and celebrations that are uniquely owned by the members of that family.
Reflect on your family and the rituals that are present. Perhaps there are a few that with some teasing out can become very special to you as a family.
‘Ritual is important to us as human beings. It ties us to our traditions and our histories.’
Miller Williams
Victor Borge said,
‘Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.’
Here we are not talking about social distancing. We are talking about mental distancing. Let’s create the shortest distance possible!
When we consciously choose to keep laughter alive in our life, we naturally feel better and connect better to those around. People are attracted to warm and cheerful people. Laughter is life giving.
We know, through research, that laughter is a stress buster and at the moment, hard though it maybe, what we all need is a good injection of laughter in our life.
Children are naturally drawn to being cheerful and happy. So, for them, being in a family that laughs together is a natural and healthy way to live.
If laughter can keep us together, then it makes sense that in these tricky times, we use laughter as therapy. Think about the suggestions that follow to keep the laughter alive in your family.
Use a joke book and each night have some family fun reading out jokes.
Play a joke on your child during the day and surprise them with some laughter.
Watch a funny movie together that brings laughter and cheerful attitudes to the house.
Physical exercise can bring laughter into the home as everyone chats about the fun activities they did on their bike, skateboard etc.
Write little cheery notes and put them under your child’s pillow. This is a wonderful surprise element.
If you have a pet such as a dog at home family fun together can bring laughter to the house.
Play family games. There are many board games etc. that bring laughter and fun to everyone.
Do you have any funny family stories to tell the children? This can often be an entertaining time for all.
Laughter is cheap. It doesn’t cost anything and if we simply look around our home, I am sure you will find reasons to smile and laugh.
Become a witty, fun person around your children. You will get so much positive feedback from engaging with your children in this way. You feel more fully alive when laughing with your children.
Be imaginative. Draw, dance, skip with your children. It brings out the laughter and creativity of the family. This may mean being a little different from the usual person you are, but we are in times where we need to stretch our imagination and accept challenges.
Take care to limit the negative talk. People generally feel better and happier when less negative discussion is around.
Be a little more tolerant when mistakes are made. Less time spent in behaviour management and more time in being happy together makes for a calmer, more cheerful family.
Try noticing less mistakes and problems around the house. This will slow down feelings of anxiety and cheer you up.
These thoughts are all about finding different avenues in which to bring joy and laughter into the home. Every family has their own unique way of laughing and playing together. After all, happiness is a very natural state for a person in which to live. Our physical and mental health is all the better for laughter in today’s unsettling world. See it as another important immunisation against mental deterioration.
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
Just when you think everything in your family is sitting cosily, along comes change. Yes, it is true. The nature of families continues to evolve and change, as you and the children experience normal life experiences and the children start to grow. It was common at school for parents to ask how can their beautiful, innocent child that demonstrated sweetness and light suddenly become difficult and present such unattractive behaviour.
Young parents sending their first child to school were always being surprised at the changes their child was making in their first year. Suddenly the child’s exposure to so many other influences loomed loud in their life.
Finally, families are a living, breathing organism that needs regular emotional nourishment from within.
As a family there are certain factors that drive a healthy life across all the age periods that the child and family will experience. Nothing remains constant. Families will experience changes for a variety of reasons that will influence your child’s response. For example, you may go back to work after being at home for some time. A crisis, perhaps a death or illness can have a big impact on how a family operates and how emotionally they feel. As a family there could be crisis which has major changes in the life of everyone. Schools can change, teachers can move schools suddenly, destabilising your child’s feeling of being secure. A child being ill can impact on their emotional response to situations, a new arrival appears in the family and so the list goes on.
What we are saying here is that there are several consistently sound factors that healthy families can live with comfortably, which incorporates and accepts change. Of course, a major feature of late is the adjustments we are all making with Covid 19 in our life. Let’s look at some stable aspects to a family that will help us weather the storm as our family evolves over the years.
The first thought is to accept that change is inevitable and that you welcome the change and various aspects of growth that you notice in your child. This may mean accepting some differences that challenge you as well.
As a family talk about open communication and how you welcome talking about changing ideas, beliefs and values that your child is coming across. Let them know that you respect their growth which will come with the introduction of challenging thoughts and values.
Children become quite sensitive about their friends. Welcome all types into your home. This reassures your child that you value their opinion. You may have some concerns but there are ways and means of having discussions later that do not put judgement on their choices.
As a family try different things across the years. More of the same has its value but if a child wants to try a different sport, activity etc. have ago with them in testing difference.
Compliment them on their growing awareness of life. Sometimes children become anxious to express a different opinion in the house. Welcome and invite different opinions with your children. This leads to healthy, open discussion. Merely enforcing your values only limits the conversation. It certainly doesn’t mean that they will adopt your values in the longer term.
If and when something of a major nature occurs in the family, be open and honest with your child. Of course, providing age appropriate information is necessary. However, the child needs to feel included when the family is in crisis and needs to have an honest understanding of what has happened to change their lives.
It is important for a child to feel that their opinion matters. When they discuss new topics, which can cause you to have some concerns, be authentic in your response and genuinely interested in what they have to say. Open, honest discussion means that children will trust the importance of parents around them with their inner most thoughts. They feel safe sharing with trusting parents that listen respectfully.
It is valuable from time to time to talk as a family about what drives all of you. In this way, children have reinforced ideas about what makes their family tick. They accept and enjoy its uniqueness.
In working with children, I was impressed with the emotional maturity of children who felt comfortable in open and honest discussions with their parents. They would choose them as the first port of call when they had a problem. They also had no reservation in talking about unsettling topics given that they knew parents would be receptive to their discussion and value their thoughts.
Finally, families are a living, breathing organism that needs regular emotional nourishment from within. The family continues to be nourished by healthy discussion and the ability of all members, no matter what age to feel valued and credible as part of the group.
“To improve is to change,
to be perfect is to change often.”
As a family do you hold family rituals? This could be a range of occasions where you gather as a family to reinforce or celebrate aspects of family life. You are probably doing this on the run, as it is common practice to repeat patterns with family habits.
This article suggests that rituals become a recognised aspect of family life.
This is important for several reasons.
Children learn from routine and feel reassured that what they are doing is part of their regular life.
Rituals are unique to your family. For example, it might be a pattern in your house that every Sunday you have a special family meal together. It could be that every Friday night the family eat take aways and talk about their week. Perhaps your family has a religious ritual on a regular basis.
Simply having the ritual of reading at night is an act that becomes very familiar to your child. It reminds the child that in your family reading is a way of life.
This article recommends giving your child an awareness that ritual is important and makes a clear statement of who you are as a family.
Consider listing all the rituals and habits that you as a family enjoy. Talk about how new rituals can come into play as the family gets older and needs to change. However, there are some rituals that may never change. They are embedded in the family DNA.
Talk about the difference your children have noticed when they visit other families. This gives them a stronger awareness of what is unique to your family. Consider sporting clubs and the rituals held firmly with them.
Point out other rituals you notice in other organisations.
We refer to the school as having its own unique culture. This culture is made up of routines and rituals that are often unique to that school. Children become familiar with how that culture operates and this gives them guidance in how they work and play in that environment.
Giving your child clear guidelines in family rituals that form your own unique way of life, gives them reassurance and awareness of what drives your family. Talk to them about why these rituals are valued and what makes them unique to you.
Consider the following:
Rituals are often passed on from generation to generation.
Children need and love routine and patterns that they understand.
Rituals have messages behind them and teach children what is valued and precious in your family. Children naturally compare and having their own rituals gives them a sense of pride and security in what is recognised as their unique family.
Sometimes children will reject or work against the family ritual. This is their way of testing their own developing opinions and values. In the long haul, whether they like them or not they still appreciate the ritual as a statement of what is important to you, the parent.
Rituals are all about conditioning your child to value what is considered precious in family life.
Over the centuries, rituals have been a way of life for many and varied groups of people. Family is a very powerful part of a child’s developing world. Family rituals therefore are embedded deeply in the heart and mind of a child for a very long time. When your child becomes a parent, they will reflect on what rituals were passed down to them in their childhood. Surprisingly many reappear wrapped in the framework of a new generation!
“At the heart of every family tradition is a meaningful experience.”
Rituals are all about conditioning your child to value what is considered precious in family life.