Why Really Listening to Your Child Matters
Ever find yourself nodding while your child talks, but your mind’s miles away? In this blog, we explore the power of truly listening. Just a few focused minutes can build trust, support mental wellbeing, and deepen your connection, more than you might think. Read on to find out how.
We’ve all done it. We nodded while our child is talking, but our minds are elsewhere. The dinner’s burning, a work email just pinged, or we’re mentally adding to the grocery list. But what if we told you that pausing and truly listening to your child, even for just a few minutes can shape their sense of security, boost their mental health, and strengthen your bond in ways that last a lifetime?
Listening Is More Than Hearing
Children don’t just need their words to be heard—they need to feel understood. When you give your child your full attention, you send a powerful message: You matter. Your thoughts matter. I’m here for you. Your voice is important.
The Everyday Magic of Listening
Let’s look at a few everyday examples:
• After School Decompression: Your child comes home from school and mumbles, “Today was awful.” You could brush it off with “You’re fine” or ask, “Want to tell me about it?” The second response shows care. You are not probing them with questions but merely suggesting you will listen.
• Tiny Voices, Big Feelings: A four-year-old melts down over the “wrong” colour cup. It’s tempting to say, “It doesn’t matter, just drink it.” But a better approach? “You really wanted the blue cup, didn’t you? That feels disappointing.” This response tells your child their feelings are real and manageable.
• Teen Talk: A teenager says, “I don’t think I’m good at anything.” That’s a big statement. Instead of jumping in with reassurance or solutions, try: “Tell me more. What makes you feel that way?” You’ll learn more, and they’ll feel safer opening up again. You are in fact a consultant there to listen wisely.
The Long-Term Payoff
When children know they are listened to:
• They’re more likely to talk to you when things are tough. They know that you will not jump in with judgements.
• They develop better emotional regulation. They become more in control.
• Their self-esteem grows. This is because people value them through listening.
• They feel safer, more connected, and less anxious. Why not when you have confidence that what you have to say is valued.
• They are more likely to seek out independence when allowed to talk freely uninhibited by opinions or judgements.
• A child feels worthy when being heard well.
• When a child feels heard by the parents they feel loved with shouting.
When children feel heard at home, they’re more likely to grow into adults who listen well, too.
Tips to Make Listening Easier
• Pause and Face Them: Even if it’s for a brief moment, give eye contact and undivided attention. Try not to get distracted.
• Repeat What You Heard: “So you felt left out at lunch?” This shows you're tuned in.
• Stay Curious, Not Critical: Questions like “What happened next?” or “How did that make you feel?” invite conversation.
• Resist the Fix-It Mode: Sometimes, they don’t need a solution—just a safe space to be heard. They will thank you for letting them solve their problems.
Final Thought
You don’t need to be a perfect parent, just be present. Listening is one of the simplest but most powerful tools we have. It doesn’t cost anything other than patience but can mean everything to your child. It is a big step in honouring their rights and dignity. The greatest gift you can give them isn't advice, it's attention.
“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice”