Helping your child develop strong emotional intelligence
Here are various simple ways we can help build emotional intelligence in our children.
We all talk about the avenues to build intellectual intelligence. We also need to recognise that the growth of emotional intelligence is critical for a person to cope well in society and to feel inclusive. Strong emotional intelligence helps us regulate our emotions and view the world in a broader way. Our well-being is best enhanced by developing high levels of emotional intelligence.
There are various simple ways we can help build emotional intelligence in our children. Here are some suggestions:
Talk About Feelings:
Ask your child how they're feeling and why. Encourage them to express their emotions, like happiness, sadness, or anger. Use those words in conversations about how they are feeling. Talking about feelings is seen as a positive sign of building and understanding well-being. Let them see that you have feelings and can manage those feelings. We all have strengths and weaknesses.
Listen Actively:
When your child talks about their feelings, listen carefully without interrupting. Show that you understand and care about what they're saying. Place no judgement on their feelings or emotional state. They will regulate themselves better if you are calm and steady.
Teach Problem-Solving:
Help your child find solutions when they face problems or conflicts. Ask questions like, "What can we do to make this better?" Be prepared to use negotiation with your child.
Manage Your Own Emotions:
Show your child how you handle your own feelings. If you're upset, explain why and how you're trying to feel better. Be authentic when you talk about your feelings and talk about the strategies you will employ to help you through the problem.
Empathy and Understanding:
Teach your child to think about how others might feel. When they see someone sad, ask, "How do you think they're feeling?" Demonstrate empathy in your own life and apply it to the family. If a child sees you empathetic they learn it quickly. Your modelling is so important here.
Use Books and Stories:
Read books or tell stories that explore emotions and situations. Discuss the characters' feelings and ask your child how they would react. Watch movies together that highlight empathy and sympathy. Talk about them as a family
In simple terms, parents can help their children develop emotional intelligence by talking about feelings, listening, problem-solving, setting a good example with their own emotions, teaching empathy, and using stories to explore emotions together. Each day there will be occasions where you can highlight in little ways the importance of being emotionally switched on to life matters.
Be a parent who embraces healthy emotions and recognises the occasions where you can be helpful in strengthening emotional intelligence.
‘One can be the master of what one does, but never of what one feels.”
-Gustav Flaubert
Start the year understanding ourselves better
Parenting is always about helping our children, we often forget ourselves. Here are some ways that you can better yourself and be a role model for your child.
Consider what is holding us back in many ways. If we are always focusing on helping our children, we also need to think about matters that we can turn around in our own life.
Sometimes we preoccupy ourselves with self doubt. We are quick to think its too hard, too difficult or not within our realm of capabilities. We have a tendency to inflate the threat in our mind and this can cause a shutdown of interest, in pushing further with the idea or activity. Show your child that we can manage self doubt by focusing on positive feelings about achievement. If your child sees how you push ahead with determination and avoid the negative feelings that make you doubt your ability, they will learn to be determined and start to develop a non defeatist mentality.
Beware perfectionism. It’s a killer when it comes to living comfortably around all sorts of things on a daily basis. It can make you feel vulnerable and never satisfied, anxious about not completing things. Even if you have this tendency, talk to your child about how it can make life difficult for you. Show them that perfectionism can bring you down and take care not to put too much pressure on them. Remind your child that they are good enough to do all sorts of things and they should take up opportunities where possible.
Remember that we have moments of feeling socially disengaged ourselves. Sometimes it is easier to stay disengaged and not put ourselves out there with others. Talk to your child if you have these feelings and tell them how you are working to solve them. Being socially engaged is critical for self development. Keep an eye on your child’s swings as your role is to motivate and encourage their social skills across many groups.
Remember we are not perfect individuals. As adults and parents we have all the usual fears and phobias that anyone can have across the years. The challenge for us is to be honest with our children and let them see that life is a work in progress. You are working on your own agendas and by inviting your child into learning about the strategies and tactics you use to help you, real understanding and teaching occurs. Your child loves you implicitly. They will be very sympathetic and will understand your journey better if you keep them in the loop. Rather than letting your child live around your own struggles and challenges, allow them in to see how you work on feeling better, getting better and setting goals. They are very sensitive to your emotional triggers and the more they understand about what presses your buttons, the more tolerant they are to the situation.
You will be surprised how their developing empathy and love can do a lot of good for all the family.
‘I don’t want my children to follow in my footsteps
I want them to take the path next to me and go further than
I could have ever dreamt possible.’
-Picture quotes.com
Isolation and being at a distance - what does that mean?
Education is the key to explaining and teaching our children why so much in the way of rules and regulations have come into being in the last week. There is no escaping the importance of giving your child correct information that is age appropriate.
However, there is one important aspect which I believe is also important to highlight to your child. The reason of such rigid confinement is driven by love. It is about the humanity of our society wanting to keep us safe and to reduce illness. There is no inhumane thinking to let the disease run its course through society. What better motives can a society have than to look after each other.
If a child feels that the purpose behind such restrictions is drawn from a caring perspective, they are less inclined to feel the anxiety and stress of the isolation. Therefore, we need to teach our children the following points which will help them understand the motives for the government’s actions.
Our society wants us safe and healthy. The restrictions give us every opportunity to look after each other by keeping a distance.
New measures are put in place as the scientist look at the data and decide what extra restrictions will help us. Therefore, as the situation changes, it is all based on sound scientific information.
If we follow directions, we will speed up the healing process and limit the spread of the disease. Isn’t it wonderful that through our care, we can make such a difference to people’s health?
The restrictions need to change as the situation changes. Our parents look to the news to know what is next to do. They are not reading the news to feel more anxiety, but rather be responsible in responding. They are being responsible adults in learning how to act on the latest update.
Helping our children to understand the motives for the government’s actions during COVID-19.
The news can seem intense and a cause to worry. How lucky we are to have the availability of hearing our response to the virus. Are we getting better or do we need more restrictions? Let’s be a help.
I will be home for some unusual amount of time. I will need to think about how I can entertain myself. In that time, as a family we will work it out.
My parents may seem worried but often this is because they are conscious to do the right thing for society and our family.
Isn’t it wonderful that we are all pulling together as a team to look after each other. Everyone is in it together. No person is given an exemption not to care!
All these thoughts are attempting to teach our children that the restrictions are put in place to support our community’s health, look after the more vulnerable and reduce fatalities. Their motives are for the good of society and our world is a better place for the care.
Giving children a sense of hope is so necessary throughout this entire shifting process. Talk to them about positive results. Discuss how scientists are working on a vaccine.
Tell good will stories of how people are looking after the elderly. Let them know that when we pull together as a society the world is a better and a safer place.
When in years to come our children look back on what will prove to be a recorded stressful time for us all, they will have positive images of how we rose above it by goodwill and communal care.
“If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibilities on their shoulders.”