Growing Big Hearts: Teaching Children Generosity and Compassion

In a world where success is often measured by grades and achievement, it’s easy to forget the quiet strength of a generous heart or a compassionate word. Yet, these are the qualities that help children grow into kind, resilient, and truly emotionally strong, successful adults. As parents, we have a daily opportunity to nurture generosity and compassion through the small moments that add up to something powerful. Remember, your example here will make such a difference. The world of social media has stripped away so much of the gentler, more sensitive ways of communicating. They are much undervalued traits. Your teaching in the home environment can highlight how valuable a tool it is to be kind and generous.

Why It Matters

Generosity teaches children that they have something valuable to give. Time, kindness, attention, or a helping hand. Compassion teaches them to notice others’ feelings, to stand

beside someone who is struggling, and to act with care.

How to Teach It—Naturally and Daily

1. Model Generosity

Children watch us closely. Let them see you:

• Hold the door for someone with a smile.

• Share your time with a lonely neighbour.

• Speak kindly about others, even when they aren’t around or challenge you in different ways.

• Use good manners wherever possible and be a calm person who listens to others respectfully.

2. Create Small Opportunities to Give

Generosity doesn’t have to mean giving away toys or money. It might look like:

• Writing a kind note to a teacher. Let your child assist here.

• Helping a younger sibling with their socks.

• Giving up the best seat without being asked.

When these moments happen, pause to reflect: “That was generous of you. How do you think that made them feel?”

Use those words like generosity in your conversations.

3. Name the Feelings

When your child sees someone in need or distress, ask: “What do you think they’re feeling?” Helping children tune in to others builds their natural empathy. Compassion starts with noticing. It is healthy to talk about how others may feel after a crisis or trauma.

4. Tell Real Stories

Use stories—true ones from your life or the news about people who show compassion and generosity. Children remember stories far more than instructions. Share a time when someone was kind to you, or when a small act made a big difference. Notice people around you that show compassion to others. Name them.

5. Practise Together

Create family traditions around kindness:

• Have a "Kindness Jar", everyone writes down kind acts they saw or did.

• Choose one community service activity a term, a food drive, helping at church, or donating toys.

• At dinner, ask, “What’s one generous thing someone did today?”

• Read together books that teach compassion and generosity.

6. Celebrate the Heart, Not Just the Head

Praise children when they are kind, not just when they are clever. Say, “I loved the way you helped Jack when he dropped his books. That shows a strong heart.”

Final Thought

Raising generous and compassionate children is one of the greatest legacies we can leave. It doesn’t happen overnight, but with daily care, encouragement, and example, you’re growing a child ready to make the world better. No surprise that others gravitate around people who show generosity and compassion. It is so needed.

“Be kind and merciful.
Let no one ever come to you without coming away better and happier’”

— Mother Theresa

Encourage a Wide Net of Friends: Why It Matters.

Friendships are essential for a child’s happiness, but relying on just one best friend can lead to heartbreak. Encouraging a variety of friendships helps children grow socially and emotionally. They are also more receptive to accepting difference.

Less Heartbreak, More Support – If one friend is absent or drifts away, your child won’t feel alone.

Stronger Social Skills – Different friends mean learning to communicate and connect in new ways.

Confidence Booster – A mix of friendships builds self-esteem and reduces social anxiety.

More Fun, Less Drama – Group play means fewer fallouts and more opportunities for joy.

Life-Long Resilience – Adapting to different personalities prepares children for real-world relationships.

Encourage your child to be open to new friendships—it builds a stronger, happier, and more adaptable future! Avoid being judgmental or critical of friends they choose. In time they will work through who are truly friends.

“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.”

— Jim Morrison

Helping Your Child Navigate Friendships and Challenges

Friendships play a huge role in a child's school experience, shaping their confidence, happiness, and even their academic success. But as every parent knows, friendships come with ups and downs — disagreements, peer pressure, and the heartbreak of feeling left out. Here are five powerful ways parents can help their children build strong, healthy friendships while overcoming challenges.

1. Teach Empathy Through Storytelling

Children who understand how others feel are more likely to form meaningful friendships and handle conflicts with kindness.

Example: If your child tells you a friend was unkind, instead of immediately taking sides, ask: “How do you think they were feeling? Why might they have acted that way?” Reading books about friendship together or sharing your own childhood stories can help children develop empathy and perspective.

2. Role-Play Difficult Social Situations

Many children struggle to know what to say or do in tricky situations. Practising responses in a safe environment can give them the confidence to handle challenges.

Example: If your child is feeling left out at playtime, practise possible conversations:

“Can I join in?” or “Hey, do you want to play together today?”

If they’re dealing with a bossy friend, teach them how to say:

“I like playing with you, but I also want to make my own choices.”

3. Model Positive Friendships at Home

Children learn the most about relationships by watching their parents. If they see you handling disagreements respectfully and maintaining friendships, they’ll follow suit.

Example: If you have a disagreement with a friend or partner, show your child how to resolve it with kindness. Say things like:

“I was upset earlier, but I talked to my friend, and we worked it out.

This teaches them that disagreements don’t mean the end of a friendship—they can be worked through.

4. Encourage a ‘Wide Net’ of Friends

Relying on just one friend can be risky—if there’s a fallout, children can feel completely alone. Encourage them to be open to different friendships.

Example: If your child always plays with the same person, suggest inviting another classmate to join an activity. Say:

“I love that you and Emily are close! Why don’t we invite Mia over too?”

Encouraging group friendships helps children avoid being overly dependent on one person.

5. Teach Resilience When Friendships Change

Friendships naturally shift over time, and not every friendship lasts forever. Teaching your child to accept change helps them build emotional strength.

Example: If your child is upset that a friend has started playing with someone else, acknowledge their feelings but also provide perspective:

“It’s hard when friendships change, but it doesn’t mean you won’t find new great friends.”

Encourage activities where they can meet new friends, like clubs or sports, so they learn that one friendship ending isn’t the end of the world.

Forming friends, losing them and realigning yourself to new groups is a normal part of the childhood development in social and emotional growth. There will be disappointments and successes. There will be sharp reminders about how relationships can change and effect very quickly your well being. As a parent be a good listener and be inclusive with all their friends not showing judgement or bias. Your child needs to walk the road that will ultimately lead them to forming happy stable relationships that are inclusive and that build in them strong emotional intelligence.

“A friend is one of the nicest things you can have and one of the best things you can be.”

— Douglas Pagels

A happy child is on the way to developing good mental health

In developing good mental health in our children, we need to show and teach them that being positive and optimistic increases one’s feeling of being happy. This is a state we should try and live in as much as possible. Of course, sadness will from time to time come into a child’s life but generally they should be and feel happy in their own skin as often as possible.

Here are five reasons why maintaining a child's happiness is important for their mental well-being:

Boosts Emotional Resilience

Children who experience happiness regularly tend to develop emotional resilience. This helps them navigate life's challenges, setbacks, and stress in a healthy way, making them less prone to anxiety and depression later in life.

Fosters Positive Relationships

A happy child is more likely to develop and maintain healthy relationships with peers, family members, and adults. Positive interactions help children build social skills and a sense of belonging, which are essential for mental health and emotional stability.

Promotes Cognitive Development

Happiness has a direct impact on brain function. When children are happy, they are more engaged, curious, and willing to learn. Positive emotions enhance concentration and creativity, contributing to better cognitive development and academic performance.

Builds Self-Esteem and Confidence

A happy child typically has a positive self-image and feels confident in their abilities. This boosts their self-esteem, which is vital for mental health. High self-esteem makes children more capable of handling challenges and more likely to take on new opportunities without fear of failure.

Reduces Behavioural Problems

Children who are consistently happy tend to have fewer behavioural issues. They are less likely to act out, feel frustrated, or develop aggressive tendencies. A positive emotional state contributes to better emotional regulation, reducing stress and encouraging more constructive behaviours.

Creating environments where children feel supported, loved, and valued helps nurture their happiness and contributes to their long-term mental health.

“Happiness is not ready made. It comes from your own actions”

— Dalai Lama

Keep yourself well and healthy as a parent

We focus so much on our children that it is easy to forget the importance of our own well being as the parent. We owe it to ourselves to consider our well being as critical in being the best parent possible.

The more we feel well and mentally fit the greater capacity we have to parent our children well and be happy in the process.

Consider:

• Emotional Availability: When parents take care of their mental and emotional health, they are better equipped to be emotionally available for their children. This means they can provide the support, empathy, and understanding that children need to feel secure and loved, fostering strong emotional bonds and a stable home environment.

• Enhanced Patience and Resilience: Parenting can be challenging and demanding. Parents who maintain their well-being have greater patience and resilience, enabling them to handle stress, conflicts, and the inevitable ups and downs of parenting with a calm and composed demeanour. This helps in creating a peaceful and nurturing atmosphere at home.

• Preventing Burnout: Parenting is a full-time job that can lead to burnout if self-care is neglected. Prioritising personal well-being helps parents recharge and avoid the physical and emotional exhaustion that can come from constantly putting others' needs before their own. This ensures they have the energy and enthusiasm to engage fully with their children.

• Improved Problem-Solving and Decision-Making: A healthy mind and body contribute to better cognitive functioning. Parents who look after their well-being are more likely to make sound decisions and solve problems effectively, whether it's navigating everyday challenges or making important choices about their children's education, health, and future.

When we feel well and happy we tolerate more, see humour in life and enjoy and savour what is around. To get the best of being a parent, keep your well being at the forefront of your mind.

“A happy parent gives themselves a high priority.”

— Gail J Smith

Developing good mental health in your child

We hear much about the importance of strengthening our children's mental health. We understand that in childhood there are certain cues that can activate positive thoughts about themselves. Here are some suggestions to strengthen your child's mental health on those sensitive early years.

Consider:

• Be a talkative family that likes to openly discuss everything. Do this from an early age. They need to feel they can talk to you about their problems.

• Demonstrate healthy ways to cope with stress and emotions, as children often

  mimic their parents. Look more on the brighter side of life when working

  through problems.

• Provide structure with consistent daily routines to create a sense of stability

  and security.

• Help your child build strong, supportive friendships and connections with

  family members. Let them invite friends into your house. Accept all their

  friends they will come and go over the years.

• Encourage regular exercise, which can boost mood and overall mental well-

  being. Join them in games and physical exercise.

• Introduce simple mindfulness exercises or relaxation techniques to help your

  child manage stress. This can be done as a routine with the family. Make it an

  enjoyable time together.

• Monitor and limit the amount of time your child spends on screens to ensure

  they engage in diverse activities. Leading an active family life will help cut

  down this time.

• Support your child in exploring and developing their interests and talents. Show interest in their passions and hobbies no matter how unusual they may

  seem to you.

• Acknowledge and praise your child's efforts and achievements to build their

  self-esteem. Find the time to catch them when they are good even over small

  deeds.

• Spend quality time with your child, showing that you are there for them and

  interested in their lives. Always keep promises that you will follow up with

  conversations.

When a child lives in an environment that gives them the scope to express themselves in different ways they learn to be creative which is such a stress buster and a wonderful way to nurture good mental health.

“The foundation to good mental health in a child is to feel safe and happy in themselves.”

— Gail J Smith

What brings joy to you and your child?

It doesn’t take much for a child to feel joy. We can always help them feel that joy by our own actions. The more we share that joy the deeper and richer connection we make with our child. It also makes us very happy. It triggers a host of significant physiological and psychological changes that improves our physical and mental health.

 Here are some examples of what brings joy to your child. Embrace it!

1. Seeing Your Child Laugh and Play Is Pure Joy

   Watching your child burst into giggles while playing with their favourite toy or sharing a fun moment with friends at the park. Laugh with them. Feel the muscles move in your chest and enjoy the moment together.

2. Their Smile Brightens Up Your Day

   When your child greets you with a big, toothy grin after school, or when they proudly show you a drawing they made. Notice how enlivening is their smile and how it makes you feel so much better.

3. Hearing Their Stories and Ideas Fills Your Heart with Joy

   When your child excitedly tells you about their day at school, recounts a funny story, or shares their imaginative ideas for a new adventure.

   Listen to what they have to say. There is so much joy in the way they express themselves and how they see the world.

4. Celebrating Milestones and Achievements Is a Source of Happiness

   Witnessing your child take their first steps, reading their first book, or seeing them receive a certificate for a school accomplishment. With each milestone you know that your child is well on the way to being an independent individual. That should bring a smile to your face.

5. Quality Time Together Creates Special Memories and Joy

   Enjoying a family game night, going on a nature hike, or having a cosy movie night complete with popcorn and snuggles. Find those special moments as a family. They don’t have to be large or complex. Make them spontaneous occasions where you can be together without any outside pressure. Build it into your week. Make it a family ritual that you get together and have some form of quality time.

6. Supporting Their Passions and Interests Brings Joy to Both of You

   Encouraging your child's love for art by setting up a mini art studio at home or helping them explore their interest in science with exciting experiments.

   Indulging your child’s passions will bring extreme pleasure and joy to your child. They will learn so much as they are keen to participate. Join them and learn from their excitement and joy. Its amazing how passions can become a life habit.

Our world is so much richer and calmer when there is a strong presence of joy in the world. Children are natural ‘joists’. They find joy in the simplest and least complicated aspects of life.

If you decide to join them you will lighten your world and build happy bridges with your child.

   ‘Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls”

- Mother Theresa

Six mini moments of joy and care to your child

Here are some ideas for giving mini moments of support and encouragement to your child. It is amazing how little encouragement along the way can make all the difference for your child. It doesn’t have to be long and protracted. It just needs to be spontaneous and joyful where the child feels happy, reassured and valued.

1. Getting Closer: Hugging and comforting your child help you become closer, like best friends. It makes them feel safe and close to you.

2. Understanding Feelings: When your child is sad or mad, talking to them and comforting them helps them understand and deal with their feelings better.

3. Feeling Awesome: Saying nice things about what your child does, even if it's a small thing, makes them feel great about themselves. It’s all about positive talk.

4. Being Kind: When you show kindness to your child, like helping them when they're hurt or upset, they learn to be kind to others too. This develops empathy and sympathy.

5. Growing Healthy: Giving your child healthy food, playing with them, and helping them learn new things helps them grow strong and smart.

6. Happy Memories: Doing fun things with your child, like reading stories, baking cookies, or playing games, creates happy memories that they'll remember when they're older. Best to make wonderful long-term memories that will be recounted in their adulthood.

In simple terms, being a good parent means showing love, being there, and doing fun things with your child every day. These little moments of care add up to help your child feel loved while growing up happy and strong. Make it a habit to find occasions to provide those mini moments of care. They will soon add up to a wealth of encouragement.

‘Building blocks of life can start with mini moments of giving joy to your child.’

                                          -Gail J Smith

Crazy ideas to lighten the load and make a child’s feeling of school a happy one

These ideas may just brighten the week for everyone.

The Early Riser Battle Plan: First down to the breakfast table after jobs are done scores points. The child with the most points at the end of the week gets a sleep-in on one of those days.

The "Stealth Mode" Lunch Packing: Want to surprise your kids with a special lunch? Practice your ninja skills and sneak some fun notes or treats into their lunchboxes. It's like being the undercover agent of parenting! Do it occasionally so that it really is a surprise.

Homework Hijinks: Turn homework into a game show! Buzz in for correct answers and use a giant foam hand to point out spelling mistakes. Your kids will be entertained, and their homework sessions will become a hilarious competition. Let them see that homework is a regular part of family life.

The Magic Cleanup Spell: Teach your kids a "magic" cleanup spell. Just wave a spatula in the air, say "Hocus Pocus Tidus Maximus," and watch as they tidy up their toys in record time.

The "Dance Party" Drop-off: Instead of the usual drop-off routine, have a dance party in the car before they go to school. Groove to their favourite tunes and see them off with a smile on their faces.

The "Mystery Bag" Snack: Prepare a "mystery bag" snack with unusual food items hidden inside. Let your child discover the surprise during lunchtime. It's like a mini food adventure every day!

Time Travel Transport: Turn school drop-off into a time travel adventure. Pretend your car is a spaceship or a time machine. "Buckle up, Captain, we're off to the future of knowledge!"

Math-a-Palooza: Practice math skills in unconventional ways. Use lollies as counting tools or measure ingredients for a baking session. Who knew learning could be so sweet and tasty?

Artistic Lunchbox Masterpieces: Level up your lunchbox game by creating art on the sandwich! Use food colouring to draw funny faces or animals. The kids will have a blast eating their edible masterpieces.

Parent-Teacher Comedy Show: Organize a fun parent-teacher comedy night where parents and teachers perform humorous skits about parenting challenges. Laughter is the best way to bond!

Time to remind yourself that being a parent is a wonderful experience

Unconditional Love: Being a parent allows you to experience a deep and unconditional love for your child. Something unique and special develops between you and the child. It is precious. It is irreplaceable. You own it.

Example: Seeing your child's smiling face when they wake up in the morning or hearing their laughter when you play together fills your heart with pure joy.

Milestone Moments: As a parent, you get to witness and celebrate numerous milestone moments in your child's life. You are part of it and you can take pride in all your contributions over the years. Each achievement becomes a source of immense pride and happiness.

Example: Capturing the moment when your child takes their first step or saying their first words creates memories that you'll cherish forever.

Sense of Purpose: Parenting gives you a strong sense of purpose and meaning. Nurturing and guiding a child through life's challenges allows you to make a positive impact and shape their future.

Example: Knowing that you are raising a compassionate, kind, and responsible individual who will contribute positively to society, fills you with a sense of purpose and fulfilment.

Having a child in your life reignites the wonders of life through a child’s eyes. It awakens in us the child we were and it invites us to share in simple joys and pleasures. It clears the cobwebs that can develop as we plough through our adult life.

Example: Watching your child marvel at a rainbow or discover the beauty of a butterfly can remind you of the wonders that often go unnoticed in the hustle and bustle of adult life. They awaken in you the child and that is liberating.

Learning and Growing Together: Parenthood offers continuous opportunities for personal growth and learning. As you navigate the challenges and joys of raising a child, you gain valuable insights, patience, and resilience. Having another individual in your life that relies on you, needs care and understanding will demand from you your absolute attention. There is no escaping building tolerance, understanding, empathy etc.

Example: Overcoming sleepless nights, mastering the art of multitasking, and learning to be patient during tantrums are all experiences that help you grow and become a better version of yourself.

Emotional Satisfaction: Parenting brings immense emotional fulfilment. The love, laughter, and moments of connection you share with your child create a deep sense of happiness and contentment. How emotionally satisfying it is to see yourself in your child.

Example: Embracing your child in a warm hug after a long day or hearing them say, "I love you, Mom/Dad," can instantly fill your heart with overwhelming joy and gratitude. Enjoy those special little moments. They come spontaneously and frequently.

Creating Life Memories: Being a parent allows you to create lasting memories that you and your child will cherish throughout your lives. From family vacations to everyday adventures, these moments become the foundation of a lifetime of shared experiences.

Example: Going on a family road trip and exploring new places together, or even simple activities like baking cakes and having picnics in the park, become treasured memories that you can reminisce about in the future.

Building Strong Bonds: Parenthood enables you to build deep and lasting bonds with your child. The connection you form with them becomes an unbreakable bond that provides a source of strength, love, and support. You take them from dependence to independence and you build foundations that are unique to you and your child.

Example: Sharing quality time with your child, engaging in conversations, and being there for them during both good and challenging times strengthen your relationship and create a lifelong connection.

The journey you share with your child is likened to weaving a tapestry. There will be various shades that brighten and darken the work. Sometimes the weave will be thick and full of texture, and other times lighter and softly woven. It builds into a magical imagery of your life shared with your child that has been created lovingly over the years.

‘We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.’                                           

                                                                         -Henry Ward Beecher                                             

Nine Proactive Strategies for Fostering Mental Health in Children

Promoting mental health in children is of utmost importance, particularly in our current world.

Here are several insightful strategies that can be employed to nurture and sustain mental well-being in our young ones:

1. Demonstrate Positive Emotions: Being a consistent source of happiness and positivity around your child is critical. Let your joy radiate visibly, providing them with a secure feeling that everything is alright. Your smile can serve as a comforting reassurance.

2. Encourage Physical Activity: Exercise is known to boost mood and overall well-being. Engage in regular physical activities with your child and make it a family routine. This not only benefits their physical health but also their mental state.

3. Cultivate a Love for Music: Music has a profound impact on our emotions and can uplift the spirit. Incorporate a variety of music into your family life, utilising it as a background score to your everyday activities. This creates an ambience of positivity and serves as an effective stress reliever.

4. Foster Positive Associations: Direct your child's attention to the good things happening around them. Discuss amusing anecdotes, talk about jovial and optimistic individuals you know, and celebrate the positive aspects of life.

5. Promote Generosity: Demonstrate to your child the power of giving. Instilling a sense of generosity can enhance their mental well-being and give them a broader perspective on life. You can exemplify this through simple actions like donating toys they've outgrown.

6. Encourage Proper Rest: Adequate sleep is crucial for a child's mental and physical health. It helps their brain process the day's activities and sets them up for optimal performance the next day.

7. Teach Healthy Recreation: Equip them with various recreational activities like sports, reading, or simply relaxing. These pursuits can help them carve out mental space for themselves when needed. Your role modelling in this area is vital.

8. Cultivate a Sense of Humour: Encourage them to appreciate the lighter side of life. Too often we focus on the negatives or the potential risks, but teaching them to find humour can provide them with a more balanced view of life.

9. Nurture Social Relationships: Facilitate the presence of your child's friends in their lives. Friendships play a significant role in their social development, and your active involvement in fostering these relationships can be highly beneficial.
   
   Above all, it's crucial to create an environment where positivity thrives, life is cherished, and the world is perceived as a beautiful place to live. By being such a parent, you can positively shape your child's outlook and foster their mental health.

‘Life is always better with a smile on your face’

                    - Gail J Smith

Keeping perspective on what is important

Time goes so quickly with children. One minute they are a helpless infant and then the terrible two-year-old and then the sweet five-year-old ready for school. We cannot keep tabs on every moment, but we can try to reflect a little more deeply on just simply enjoying some moments, especially those that tell us more about our child.

I always remember how quickly a year went in a classroom. There were some precious moments with the children that you try and keep in your memory banks. Time can so easily diminish those memories.

This blog is inviting you to value those special moments as they will be those lasting and important memories going into your future. Do you remember when your child first walked? Perhaps you have a wonderful memory of them smiling at you for the first time. These special moments will become the fabric of your memories over the years. It is important to recognise that they have value and you need to look for those moments that are unique and special to you and your child. Their uniqueness makes them memorable.

Consider:

• The more you identify those special moments, the greater appreciation you have for your child’s development. You begin to notice so much more of their subtle aspects of growth.

• Each day, find something special that you notice about your child. Think about it and look for occasions when it is evident.

• Talk about those special moments to others. There is nothing more reinforcing than having conversations about those moments you cherished.

• Keep it simple. The very best moment can be found in the simplest of situations.

• Find humour in what your child does during the day. Try to avoid getting frustrated by their actions. In some cases, there can be quite delightful moments in seemingly difficult situations.

• If you see your child in a positive light, you will easily see those special moments in your child. They are not difficult to find.

• Sometimes saying nothing and just watching your child interacting with play or with others can give you such satisfaction.

• Some parents keep a journal of those special moments and enjoy going back over them through the years.

• Opportunities will pass you by if you are rushing through life. Each moment has its own merit and we often are too focused on what lies ahead and what we must do to get there.

• Never underestimate the value of that special moment that you are feeling with your child. It is precious and unique to you. Learn to look all around in odd places to find that moment.

• If you haven’t found that special moment for a while, take some time to slow down and just enjoy your child for a little while. That moment will come.

 Finally, because life is on the move all the time, freeze frame some moments to store for your future reflection of your child.

‘Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.’

 -Dr. Seuss

Learn to have some fun

There is not a lot written about the value of being happy but we know that there are some wonderful psychological advantages to just having fun. Here I make the distinction to humour. Within fun we can have a lot of humour. It is present when we become excited or find something that makes us feel good.

Teachers know that when an element of spontaneous fun is included in their day or week, the mood and temper of the children increases tenfold. Many teachers would also say that the presence of fun builds trust with children. A child feels secure when they see their teacher relax and display a happy spontaneous style in the classroom. There is something honest and healthy about simply having some fun.

Let’s think about the value of having fun with your child:

• When you have fun together, you show your child that there is a child in you, the adult. Bringing back the child in you is a positive life-giving thing.

• We are always trying to be in control. It is a massive driver for us as responsible parents. How about letting go sometimes and simply have some spontaneous unplanned fun with your child. It could last five minutes or much longer. It does not make you a less reliable, organised person, but it shows your child that having fun is alive in you.

• By having fun together you are bringing yourself to the same level as your child. This is quite a moment for both of you to share.

• Children will remember the fun times. Nobody wants to remember the serious times. They simply bring you down. However, being a fun-loving parent is memorable.

• To be an effective adult, one must also understand the lighter side of being human. We need to have fun as well and we need to show our children how we enjoy it. It is a well-being component built into our DNA.

• Fun can be any form of having a wonderful time together. Let it be spontaneous, which may take you away from routine and schedules sometimes. It can be a short sharp moment of fun. If you look around it is not hard to see the fun side of so much of life. Point it out to your child.

• We often talk about how important it is to play with your child. Similarly, it is important for developing good mental health that you simply have fun. It can only bring out the best in you and there are no boundaries there with your child. It can serve as a quick pick me up when moodiness is around and it can lighten the spirit when feelings of sadness are prevailing around our children.

Try to build in a bit of fun over the week. It could be as simple as tickling on the couch, throwing pillars around the room or blowing bubbles through your drink. No one said it has to be sensible.

        ‘Let go of preconceived notions and prejudices. Expect surprises. Expect miracles’

                                                             -Michael Joseph

Learning about being responsible

As an adult, we understand why responsibility is such an important part of our makeup. Without it, as an adult, we cannot survive. We learn also over time that different responsibilities come our way and this challenges us in new and sometimes difficult ways. I always remember bringing our first child home from the hospital and thinking, how can I look after this little individual? I don’t have the skills. Fortunately, she survived and I learnt quickly. This is how developing new and challenging responsibilities comes our way.

For a child, it is all about learning that responsibilities are actually important and that this may mean some sacrifice, compromise, etc. It is about learning that responsibilities must be understood and followed through with and there is often regularity to responsibilities. All of these learned traits take a while for children to grasp. I am sure you have had some issues with getting your child to take on and keep up with responsibilities. It just takes time and perseverance.

Teachers will automatically assign responsibilities to their class so that the classroom functions well. They can be rotating duties or they can have a responsibility for the whole year. These responsibilities work well because the child learns that they are accountable to others for their actions.

Here are some thoughts on helping your child learn responsibility.

• Firstly, take care that if you give your child a job, they follow it through. Don’t finish the job for them as this teaches them that responsibilities are not genuine. Show them that it is a satisfying thing to finish a job yourself.

• A child having a pet is a great responsibility and one that cannot be part-time. If you take this on, make sure your child is mature enough to take on this responsibility.

• Talk about all your responsibilities and how you work through them during the week. Maybe there are some that are short term and others, long term, (like being a parent).

• Before your child takes on a responsibility make sure they understand its length and breadth. Often younger children do not have a sense of time and become overwhelmed or disengage earlier. The responsibility should be age appropriate and should have the satisfaction of completion.

• Take care when a child shows an interest in a sport such as tennis lessons, gymnastics etc. can they see the term through, finishing halfway is not honouring the responsibility to the program.

• Always affirm your child when they complete their responsibilities. They need to know that it is a job well done and has impact on others in the family.

• As a family, plan weekly chores and at the end of the week thank your child for their completion. Jobs such as setting the table, putting bins out, putting toys away etc. are all responsibilities that need attention.

• Teaching your child that they own the responsibility is important. They need to know that others rely on their actions and without the job done others are affected. This is why it is important that they complete the task even if it means some inconvenience on your part.

• If a child is irresponsible, try not to be simply angry and disappointed. Sit them down and listen to why they could not complete the task. Give them the opportunity to explain. Perhaps it was too much, perhaps they did not realise its importance etc.

Finally, build into your teaching about the responsibility that if they fail the child learns to blame no one else but comes to accept responsibility themselves. This is quite a mature concept but one to work towards. This is all about building strong foundations in emotional intelligence.

“It is not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves. That will make them successful individuals.’

-Ann Landers

Keep smiling it works!

I have heard it said that your most powerful gift (or call it weapon) is your smile. It has such potential to change situations and it can turn opinions and attitudes quickly on their head. It is simply a warm expression which sends a message to the other person that all is well and I am feeling pleased.

This short article is to remind us that when situations become too difficult or everything becomes overwhelming, just try smiling. Apart from anything else, it naturally reduces immediate anxiety.

A child reads much into a smile. For them it is a comforting message and one which reassures them that you are pleased and happy with your child.  It says the world is a good place. This ongoing reassurance feeds into their feeling of being safe and secure and above all liked.

Here are some thoughts on the value of smiling.

• When you are having a down moment with your child and don’t quite know how to respond, just smile and leave it at that for a while.

• Reflect on each day and consider how often you smile at your child or any other situation that could bring a smile to your face. Children notice your responses to situations. Be a regular smiler, it has fringe benefits!

• Leaving happy smiley notes around the house or placed in your child’s lunchbox can be a spontaneous thought for the child of feeling positive.

• A smile sheds light on many situations. Even when you see a difficult situation is their scope for shedding some light and brightening the moment?

• Having family meals together is a great time to smile and have a laugh at some happy times during the day. A smile ejects positivism and is registered by your child that all is well.

• Try to see the bright side of life and this will automatically put a smile on your face. Children love to see that you have picked up on the bright side of any situation. Remember, keep the glass half full.

• Children smile a lot. It is generally natural for them to feel happy. Encourage that happy disposition and try not to dampen their positive feelings which come to the surface quite naturally.

• Talk about happy people that make you smile. This teaches a child that being happy is a valued disposition because they bring light into other people’s life.

• I remember that often children would ask me to be with teachers that were happy and smiled a lot. They knew that such a disposition would be the best learning environment for them. If the child is happy, the child learns.

• By smiling regularly, you are showing your child that being happy is a very good space in which to live. Smiling also has a way of drowning out those grumpy attitudes that can appear in family members. Smiles always win the day.

´Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available.’

                                                                                               - Jun Beggs

The art of bringing happiness to your child

We are always seeking and wanting our children to have a happy life. It’s a natural instinct as a parent to embrace happiness for our children. Of course life comes in all forms and challenges will bring failures, distress, unhappiness and unwelcome surprises to a child’s life. Managing your way through that maze is part of the role of parenting. It also builds character and strengthens a child’s emotional reserve.

Here are a few thoughts that I have reached from my experiences with children that may help build a child's level of happiness.

 Consider:

• The first thought is that a happy parent makes for a happy child. Children will reflect your mood and sense of well being. Having the presence of a happy parent around is a strong indication to the child that the world is all well.

• Keep encouraging persistence and effort. You are not rewarding perfection but you value the journey a child makes in their efforts to do well. Frequent affirmations around the efforts they make keeps the momentum going and shows the child that it is all about the ongoing contributions and not a perfect result.

• By your own modelling teach them how to make friends. Show them how best you do this and what skills you need such as listening effectively, empathy, patience, humour etc. Your example will go a long way in teaching them how to build and sustain relationships.

• See the optimistic approach to life. Find the positive in situations and when your child focuses on the negative, see the glass as half full. An optimistic approach attracts people and builds a strong happiness component.

• We are working on building emotional intelligence in our children. This means that you should show them an intelligent approach to situations rather than using anxiety and reaction to deal with situations. Talk through with them their problems looking at a mature approach to solving matters. Of course how you personally demonstrate emotional responses to situations will teach your child, the best way possible.

• Encourage self discipline. This can be done through insisting on finishing projects, completing jobs etc. Perhaps encourage children to wait for special treats rather than have everything instantly.

• Be active as a family. Physical fitness and keeping engaged in activities such as sport give so much joy and feeling of self worth to growing children.

• Allow failure into the life of your child. They need to learn that failure is part of life and we can learn form such experiences. This means not immediately trying to bail them out of trouble or solving their problems for them.

• Slowly give your child progressive independence. Reward them with it when they demonstrate that they can be trusted. Feeling independent is a life giving experience and can be a significant growth curve for a child.

• Keep play alive in your family. No matter what age everyone enjoys playing together. Find new and different ways of keeping play alive in your family.

 A happy child is one that feels secure and has strong supports around them that intelligently allow the child to grow in an environment that is open, engaging and inclusive. As parents we try our best and the human side of us sometimes fails to hit the right mark. Good I say as after all we teach our children to be human.

                ‘Sometimes we forget that parenting like love, is a verb.’

                                                   - Jessica Joelle  Alexander

Enjoy the present - it’s here for you now to enjoy

Did you realize that it is actually a skill to learn how to enjoy the present? Sometimes our focus is often on the past or busy planning for what next in the future. Far too often we use the present to simply prepare for the future without acknowledging the very real presence of the now. Think of how photos slow us down. We stop for a minute and reflect on that powerful image. It was a moment in time that we hold dear.

Teachers have learned the art of capturing the moment with children. Often when something special happens, a teacher will stop the class and together all children will reflect on what it is that drew their attention. This is a way of capturing memorable moments. I remember one teacher who kept a diary of those moments and at the end of the school year the children turned it into a book retelling the special moments that built up the charisma of the class.

Children that love school look forward often to the surprise highlights of the day which make for happy moments and collective joy. Teachers know that such a classroom environment where elements of the day are surprisingly highlighted, will excite children who are alive with interest.

If we notice that what we have now is giving us happiness we are more inclined to weather the unsavoury small stuff that can easily interfere with the day, lowering our mood and temperament. Did you wake up this morning and hear birds singing? Was the sun shining? Did your child give you a hug? Did you enjoy breakfast? These incidences are the small but influential stuff that can give us joy along the way.

I believe that if we highlight around our children the joy of noticing and feeling positive about the moment, it will have a positive effect on how our children monitor and identify their day. This is all about developing a healthy habit of living positively in the present.

Consider how such a disposition can be helpful in the development of emotional maturity and the mental health of your child:

• If your child looks to see what is good and happy around them, will they not feel better in themselves?

• Children who are by nature happy attract other children who like to feel happy.

• Good mental health has a strong base in feeling good and in not letting incidences get you down. With a stronger capacity to see and want the happy moments, a child is drawn less to feeling sad and unhappy.

• Children who are conditioned into looking to the positive and happy opportunities of the day are less likely to be drawn into the darker side of unattractive social media etc.

• There is so much to learn from the moments of now. If your child is geared to searching for those moments, they will have less interest in the underbelly of trouble which can easily find its way into the daylight.

• This is all about choosing an attitude where life has much to offer and I want to actively engage in those activities that are life-giving. Just as you are probably involved in a sport that gives such life joy think about simple opportunities throughout the day that give a positive vibe to life. Go for a walk with your child, cycle together, play games draw together etc.

We all see how playing sport as a child is about enjoying the moment, feeling the exhilaration of what it is that you are doing with the ball etc. If we can transfer some of that happy feeling into moments of the day, we have come a long way in understanding the life-giving habit of celebrating the moment.

What will your child remember about you?

As your child grows and the years swiftly move on you will notice that the things you say and what you do is quickly forgotten and replaced with new thoughts, plans and directions as a family. Do we fixate too much on the smaller details of each day? Time seems to work against us as we busily engage with our children over the years. They are preoccupied with years full of different agendas and the shifting demands that are placed on us. What do our children really think about us? Are they aware of all our efforts? Do they remember the little details and the extra efforts we make over the years? What is their level of appreciation of us the parents?

No matter what effort you made, your child will never forget how you made them feel about themselves. They will have images in their mind of how they felt in your presence and how you treated them and valued them as people. These are lasting images and will influence their longer term memories of their childhood and of your parenting. No pressure!

Think for a minute of your favourite teacher. What did you like about them? I am sure that how they treated you was a big part of your longer-term images of them.

The following thoughts may help you feel less pressured and happy in your own faith as an effective parent:

•  Little mistakes don’t really register in the longer term.

• Being a parent with the best intentions is good enough. If things do not go perfectly as planned so be it. Children need to learn that disappointment is part of growing up.

• Always watch the way and the intent of how you talk to your child. Be consistent in how you discuss matters. Changing tactics becoming angry etc. will unsettle your child.

• Your child does not expect you to be perfect. In fact, they like your natural style and value your honesty when making a mistake. Such honesty and ease in apologising, reassures them that you are human and will be empathetic to their needs.

• Whilst it is important to affirm them regularly, they also appreciate your honest appraisal of some of their activities. Listen to their concerns and be available for consultation when asked. Try to involve your child in as much decision making as possible. The more they feel part of the decisions, the more they engage and feel connected to the story.

• In making your child feel good about themselves, you need to be honest and open with them. They deserve honesty and value your truth when at times it comes with disappointment and loss. What is a parent if it is not to rear and nurture a happy, healthy individual born from the experience of being a happy child?

• Your disposition also has a strong influence on how your child feels and copes around you. The more they feel welcomed and find it easy to engage with you, the happier and more fulfilled they feel. It may seem strange but your style of parenting plays heavily on their sense of feeling valued and developing a healthy self-esteem.

• Think about what your child says about their favourite teacher. It is interesting to hear what makes them happy in being around them. No surprise that it will be linked to how much they feel valued and can trust their teacher.

Finally, just relax and take stock of all the good ways in which you parent. Don’t be troubled by small stuff, but keep your eye on the ball which is the longer-term gain of having reared a happy child whose memories of childhood will be warm and comforting thanks to you!

          ‘A happy childhood is perhaps the most important gift in life.’

                                                                    -Dorothy Richardson

Think about the value of laughter during lockdown

Victor Borge said,

‘Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.’

Here we are not talking about social distancing. We are talking about mental distancing. Let’s create the shortest distance possible!

When we consciously choose to keep laughter alive in our life, we naturally feel better and connect better to those around. People are attracted to warm and cheerful people. Laughter is life giving.

We know, through research, that laughter is a stress buster and at the moment, hard though it maybe, what we all need is a good injection of laughter in our life.

Children are naturally drawn to being cheerful and happy. So, for them, being in a family that laughs together is a natural and healthy way to live.

If laughter can keep us together, then it makes sense that in these tricky times, we use laughter as therapy. Think about the suggestions that follow to keep the laughter alive in your family.

• Use a joke book and each night have some family fun reading out jokes.

• Play a joke on your child during the day and surprise them with some laughter.

• Watch a funny movie together that brings laughter and cheerful attitudes to the house.

• Physical exercise can bring laughter into the home as everyone chats about the fun activities they did on their bike, skateboard etc.

• Write little cheery notes and put them under your child’s pillow. This is a wonderful surprise element.

• If you have a pet such as a dog at home family fun together can bring laughter to the house.

• Play family games. There are many board games etc. that bring laughter and fun to everyone.

• Do you have any funny family stories to tell the children? This can often be an entertaining time for all.

Laughter is cheap. It doesn’t cost anything and if we simply look around our home, I am sure you will find reasons to smile and laugh.

• Become a witty, fun person around your children. You will get so much positive feedback from engaging with your children in this way. You feel more fully alive when laughing with your children.

• Be imaginative. Draw, dance, skip with your children. It brings out the laughter and creativity of the family. This may mean being a little different from the usual person you are, but we are in times where we need to stretch our imagination and accept challenges.

• Take care to limit the negative talk. People generally feel better and happier when less negative discussion is around.

• Be a little more tolerant when mistakes are made. Less time spent in behaviour management and more time in being happy together makes for a calmer, more cheerful family.

• Try noticing less mistakes and problems around the house. This will slow down feelings of anxiety and cheer you up.

These thoughts are all about finding different avenues in which to bring joy and laughter into the home. Every family has their own unique way of laughing and playing together. After all, happiness is a very natural state for a person in which to live. Our physical and mental health is all the better for laughter in today’s unsettling world. See it as another important immunisation against mental deterioration.

“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”

— Charlie Chaplin

The Art of being Happy

Our children deserve to be happy. By nature of being a child, they are keen to smile, feel happy and enjoy their early years filled with imagination and light. Sounds idealistic I appreciate. We also know how we have to keep them in the real world which at times can be a quick shock to be taken out of fantasy, creativity and imagination.

However, being happy around your children is a warm and delightful way to demonstrate that life can and should be happy. Some of us have more serious dispositions. Some are lighter and look for the enjoyment and lighter side of life. Therefore, all families will be different in how they present themselves to their children.

We do need to teach our children that happiness can be found in any moments of the day, across a lifetime. It should be clear what makes us happy and we should be looking optimistically for things that make us happy. Such a disposition is mentally healthy. It is all about how we feel inside and we all naturally want to feel healthy and happy inside ourselves.

If a classroom does not have a happy disposition, the children’s capacity to learn is down. They want to be around happy light-minded teachers as they feel reassured and valued. Such teachers give them reassurance that they can make mistakes as they learn.

When hiring teachers, I was always looking for those teachers who savoured life and had a happy disposition. I owed this to the children they would teach.

My job as Principal was to ensure that the pal was very obvious in the word, Principal. The more they saw you as a friendly, happy person, the more approachable you seemed to them and therefore the more relevant.

Consider the following concepts that you teach your child when you are happy in yourself.

Let’s teach our children that happiness can be found in any moments of the day, across a lifetime.

• They want to imitate that sense of being happy. You’re modelling here is so important.

• They see it as the right way to be rather than anxious and unsettled. This means that they are less inclined to gravitate around people who bring them down.

• They seek out similar children who likewise enjoy being happy and avoid those that bring them down.

• When they are happy, they likewise will attract similar personalities.

• Children begin to condition themselves into wanting to feel good. It is a more satisfying feeling than being down and intense. This is a positive outcome from being happy.

• They are developing into more interesting young adults when they seek out happiness. People notice warm hearted people.

As they build on happiness, they become more insightful people who see life as a great opportunity and a place in which to be.

“Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.”

—        Charles R Swindoll