Helping your child develop strong emotional intelligence
Here are various simple ways we can help build emotional intelligence in our children.
We all talk about the avenues to build intellectual intelligence. We also need to recognise that the growth of emotional intelligence is critical for a person to cope well in society and to feel inclusive. Strong emotional intelligence helps us regulate our emotions and view the world in a broader way. Our well-being is best enhanced by developing high levels of emotional intelligence.
There are various simple ways we can help build emotional intelligence in our children. Here are some suggestions:
Talk About Feelings:
Ask your child how they're feeling and why. Encourage them to express their emotions, like happiness, sadness, or anger. Use those words in conversations about how they are feeling. Talking about feelings is seen as a positive sign of building and understanding well-being. Let them see that you have feelings and can manage those feelings. We all have strengths and weaknesses.
Listen Actively:
When your child talks about their feelings, listen carefully without interrupting. Show that you understand and care about what they're saying. Place no judgement on their feelings or emotional state. They will regulate themselves better if you are calm and steady.
Teach Problem-Solving:
Help your child find solutions when they face problems or conflicts. Ask questions like, "What can we do to make this better?" Be prepared to use negotiation with your child.
Manage Your Own Emotions:
Show your child how you handle your own feelings. If you're upset, explain why and how you're trying to feel better. Be authentic when you talk about your feelings and talk about the strategies you will employ to help you through the problem.
Empathy and Understanding:
Teach your child to think about how others might feel. When they see someone sad, ask, "How do you think they're feeling?" Demonstrate empathy in your own life and apply it to the family. If a child sees you empathetic they learn it quickly. Your modelling is so important here.
Use Books and Stories:
Read books or tell stories that explore emotions and situations. Discuss the characters' feelings and ask your child how they would react. Watch movies together that highlight empathy and sympathy. Talk about them as a family
In simple terms, parents can help their children develop emotional intelligence by talking about feelings, listening, problem-solving, setting a good example with their own emotions, teaching empathy, and using stories to explore emotions together. Each day there will be occasions where you can highlight in little ways the importance of being emotionally switched on to life matters.
Be a parent who embraces healthy emotions and recognises the occasions where you can be helpful in strengthening emotional intelligence.
‘One can be the master of what one does, but never of what one feels.”
-Gustav Flaubert
Simple suggestions to help build empathy and kindness in your child
Read the blog to find out how to build empathy and compassion in your child.
The difference you can make in how you teach and model empathy and kindness is amazing. See it as a way of life that is common practice in your family.
Be a good example: Show kindness and caring by helping others, like sharing toys with a sibling or comforting a friend who is sad.
Understand how others feel: Imagine how someone else might feel in a situation. For example, think about how a friend might feel if they didn't get invited to a party. Are you inclusive when you send out invitations? Share your feelings: Talk about your own emotions and encourage your child to express their feelings too. Let them know it's okay to feel happy, sad, or angry.
Listen and pay attention: When your child talks, give them your full attention. Show that you care about what they say by looking at them and responding kindly.
Do kind things for others: Encourage your child to do nice things, like saying "thank you" to their teacher or helping a classmate with a task.
Learn about different cultures: Read books or watch shows that teach about different ways of life. Talk about the traditions and customs of other cultures.
Solve problems without fighting: Help your child find solutions when they have a disagreement. Encourage them to listen to others, find common ground, and work things out peacefully. Teach them the powers of negotiation.
Talk about real-life examples: Have conversations about news stories or events that involve kindness and helping others. Discuss how they can make a positive difference too.
Stay positive: Encourage your child to see the good in people and situations. Talk about happy news or share stories of people being kind to each other.
Say "thank you" and be grateful: Teach your child to appreciate what they have and show gratitude. Encourage them to say "thank you" and be thankful for acts of kindness.
Help others in need: Encourage your child to lend a helping hand to those who need it. They can assist an elderly neighbour with carrying groceries, offer to walk a friend's dog when they're busy, or help a classmate with their schoolwork. Teach them how to notice where there is a need.
Apologise and forgive: Teach your child the importance of apologising when they have hurt someone's feelings. For example, if they accidentally break a friend's toy, guide them to say sorry and find a way to make amends. Also, encourage them to forgive others when they receive apologies, promoting empathy and understanding. Talk about what reconciliation is all about.
Stand up against bullying: Teach your child to be kind and compassionate by speaking up against bullying. Encourage them to support classmates who are being treated unkindly, be a friend to someone who is feeling left out, or report bullying incidents to a trusted adult.
These ideas give some suggestions as to how to build empathy and compassion in your child. Be spontaneous and look for occasions where you can build their awareness and sensitivity to others and the world around them.
‘A smile can brighten someone’s day and enlighten their spirits.
- Gail J Smith
Nurturing Emotional Intelligence in Children: Emphasising Emotional Care
Parenting tips on how to emotionally care for and support your child to help nurture their emotional intelligence.
As a parent, your emotional world has a profound impact on your child's emotional intelligence. By providing emotional care and support, you can help your child develop stable, consistent, patient, and reliable emotional skills, enabling them to navigate the world with greater understanding and empathy.
Here are some practical suggestions to help nurture your child's emotional intelligence:
Teach Emotional Literacy: Use age-appropriate language and concepts to help your child identify and understand their emotions. Engage in activities such as using emotion charts, role-playing scenarios, or storytelling to encourage your child to express and recognize their feelings effectively.
Cultivate Mindfulness: Introduce mindfulness practices to your child, such as deep breathing exercises or guided meditation. Encourage them to appreciate the present moment and help them incorporate mindfulness into their daily routine. For example, you can have a mindful minute together before starting a new task or enjoy a brief morning run, appreciating nature and its surroundings.
Foster Social-Emotional Learning: Encourage your child to learn valuable lessons from their everyday social experiences. Teach them to consider different perspectives, be open to others' opinions, and practice inclusivity in their thoughts and actions. Engage in meaningful discussions about their interactions, to help them develop empathy and understanding towards others.
Promote Empathy-Building Activities: Share ideas for activities that promote empathy, such as engaging in perspective-taking exercises, participating in community volunteering, or collaborating on group projects. Discuss how these activities can help your child understand different viewpoints and develop compassion for others. Consider joining a group or organisation together to reinforce the value of empathy and caring for others.
Teach Conflict Resolution Skills: Guide your child in resolving conflicts peacefully and constructively. Encourage active listening, compromise, and problem-solving discussions when conflicts arise, such as those between siblings. Use these moments as opportunities to practice simple conflict resolution techniques, helping your child develop valuable skills in managing disagreements.
Be a Positive Role Model: Serve as an influential adult who models emotional intelligence for your child. Demonstrate empathy, self-control, and effective communication in your interactions with others. Be mindful of your own emotional responses and provide a supportive, nurturing environment that encourages your child's emotional growth.
Remember, nurturing emotional intelligence is a gradual process that requires emotional care, patience, and wisdom from caring parents. By exposing your child to emotionally mature adults and providing a safe and loving environment, you empower them to interpret the world with greater empathy, understanding, and resilience. Hence they become more emotionally mature.
‘Children are not things to be molded, but are people to be unfolded.’
- Jess Lair
Teaching our children the value of courtesy
A strange word and one that represents so much of valuing the other person. It says that the other person has value. The question here is how much value is placed in today’s world on being courteous or considerate to others. It is, I would say, a very underrated gift that can definitely benefit a person in building trusting relationships. If we are not courteous, respecting the other’s person’s right to an opinion how can we establish relationships, accept difference etc?
I was always curious to find that when choosing school captains, teachers and students requested a child that valued the other person. They wanted a school captain that respected and was courteous to each and everyone in the school. Such a value was demanded in a leadership position. This also applied to classroom leadership positions, sport captains etc.
How much value is placed in today’s world on being courteous or considerate to others?
In a classroom setting, teachers will set up activities, games, group work etc, all requiring a strong aspect of being courteous and respecting fellow students. Children know that without such a value they cannot work with each other fairly and come to value difference. Being courteous stimulates conversations in a non-threatening way.
When I worked with children it was most important to ensure that the child knew that despite the problem, I was courteous and valued their presence. They were an individual of value and credibility and that should at all times be present in our conversations and in my mind. Once courtesy is apparent in conversations no matter how difficult, resolutions are more likely to happen. Trust then creeps into the relationship and more understanding and tolerance of difference appears.
Consider:
When in dialogue with your child always keep in mind the sensitivity of the situation and how you value their humanity by being always courteous. Being abusive immediately shuts down real conversation.
Demonstrate to your child that you are a courteous person to people you meet. You may have some personal differences but still the presence of showing courtesy to that person is a powerful message to your child.
Talk about courteous people that you admire. What do you like about them? Notice that people who are courteous are often gentle people who do not use intimidatory power of being loud and aggressive in style.
When you are talking to people such as teachers, school parents etc. it is so important that your child sees how comfortable you are in treating them well through conversation. It is all about looking and accepting that in everyone there is good.
When you talk about them privately keeping up that courteous talk is so important. What you are telling your children is that people should be treated with respect no matter how I differ from their opinion. It is a helpful habit in negotiating through differences.
Teach your child that you may disagree with someone but you still respect their right to an opinion. You will therefore talk with them and around them courteously. You will recognise that their voice has value and has a right to be heard with courtesy.
‘Teach your kids to be polite right now.
So, when they grow up, they can:
Speak without being bossy.
Inspire without intimidation.
Lead without being tyrants and live life to their full potential
Powerfully, Vibrantly, Harmoniously.’
-AFineParent.com