Let’s remind ourselves that as parents we are doing a great job
Your words, deeds, and actions are powerful examples for your child, shaping their understanding of life. Never underestimate the impact you're having on your child. Parenting in an imperfect world comes with its ups and downs, and it can sometimes feel like your efforts aren't making a difference. Gail Smith shares some reflections to remind us that our efforts are making a difference, even if the impact isn't always visible.
Never underestimate the great work you are doing with your child. We live in a very imperfect world and parenting comes with its ups and downs. Sometimes we find that efforts we are making are having an impact on our child. Sometimes we feel a failure in that our child’s understanding and interest in their parents diminishes.
Here are some reflections to remind us all that our efforts are not in vain and that you will be currently making a difference for your child in many ways, some seen but many unseen.
Consider:
Your love and guidance are the foundations upon which your child's future is built. Every hug and every moment you spend together shapes who they become. None of your efforts are ever lost.
You are your child's first and most important teacher. The lessons you impart, through both words and actions, will resonate with them throughout their lives.
Your support and belief in your child's potential can turn their dreams into reality. Your encouragement is a powerful force that fuels their confidence and ambition. They heavily rely on it.
The warmth and security you provide create a safe space for your child to explore the world. Your presence gives them the courage to take risks and learn from their experiences.
Every moment you spend with your child, no matter how small, leaves a lasting impression. Your time and attention are priceless gifts that they will cherish forever.
Your positivism and resilience in the face of challenges teach your child how to navigate life's ups and downs. They will observe carefully how you navigate your way through life’s challenges.
The values and principles you instill in your child will guide them long after they leave your home.
Your influence shapes their character and their approach to life. They may vary somewhat from your values but you will influence their big decisions and life’s choices by your modelling.
Your love is the constant in your child's life, a beacon that guides them through their formative years. This unconditional support helps them grow into happy, confident individuals believing in themselves.
By simply being present and involved, you are making a profound difference in your child's life.
Your engagement and involvement are keys to their success and well-being. They need and want your presence and your approval.
Every time you listen, every time you show empathy, you teach your child the importance of understanding and compassion. These lessons in kindness will ripple through their interactions with others. They will prefer to operate in that way.
Your belief in your child's abilities can inspire them to reach for the stars. When they see you believe in them, they start to believe in themselves too.
The love and joy you share as a family create memories that your child will carry with them for a lifetime. This is all about developing emotional intelligence.
Your actions, words and deeds are the blueprint your child uses to navigate the world. The positive example you set today will guide their decisions tomorrow.
Your patience and understanding during tough times show your child that they are loved unconditionally. This reassurance builds their resilience and self-worth."
“At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child’s success is the positive involvement of parents.”
Helping our children to love reading
Just as we need a balanced diet for our health, our children need a balance between books and other forms of entertainment. Explore these strategies to help your child develop a love for reading amidst the digital distractions.
The world our children live in today is filled with so much stimulus from television and so many forms of entertainment on social media platforms. It is no wonder reading from a book can seem so mundane and boring. It can be a challenge to excite and motivate some children and therefore not an easy task for parents.
Here are some ideas to encourage and stimulate your child’s interest in reading. We all need to eat a balanced diet and in this case our children need that balanced diet between books and other forms of entertainment.
Consider:
Create a Cosy Reading Nook: Designate a special, comfortable spot in the house just for reading. It should be well lit and very inviting to the child. Fill it with soft cushions, good lighting, and a variety of books. Only use it for this purpose.
Model Reading Behaviour: Let your children see you reading regularly. This sets a positive example and shows that reading is an enjoyable activity. Leave a few books scattered around the house. This gives a strong message that reading is encouraged.
Start a Family Book Club: Choose a book to read together as a family and discuss it. This can be a fun way to bond and share insights about the story. Perhaps it can be read over dinner. This could become a family ritual to read together.
Incorporate Reading into Daily Routines: Integrate reading into everyday activities, such as reading a recipe while cooking, signs while driving, or instructions for a game. Encourage your child to do the reading and to give you guidance from what they have read.
Visit Libraries and Bookstores: Make trips to the library or bookstore a regular family outing. Let your children explore and pick out books that interest them. Spend time together just browsing.
Read Aloud Together: Take turns reading aloud with your child. This can make reading a shared, enjoyable experience and help with their fluency and expression. Also talk about the story together as you each read a section.
Use Technology Wisely: Leverage e-books and reading apps if your child is tech-savvy. Interactive and animated e-books can be particularly engaging for younger children.
Offer a Variety of Reading Materials: Provide access to different genres and types of reading materials - comics, graphic novels, magazines, and newspapers can be just as valuable as traditional books. It is all about the enjoyment of reading. Take care not to influence their preferences.
Set Reading Goals and Rewards: Create a fun reading challenge with rewards for meeting goals, such as stickers for each book read or a special treat after finishing a certain number of books. Celebrate the reading of books in the family.
Create a Reading Schedule: Designate a specific time each day for reading. Consistency can help make reading a habit.
Connect Books with Interests: Find books that align with your child's hobbies and interests. If they love dinosaurs, get them dinosaur books; if they’re into space, find books about astronauts and planets.
Encourage Storytelling: Have your child create their own stories. This can spark an interest in reading as they see the connection between storytelling and books. Invite them to simply make up stories and enjoy listening to them.
Make Reading Interactive: Ask questions about the story, make predictions, and relate the content to your child’s experiences. Engaging with the text makes it more enjoyable and meaningful.
Celebrate Authors and Illustrators: Learn about the people behind the books. Sometimes knowing about the author's or illustrator's life can spark a deeper interest in their work.
If your family is a reading family then it may be an easier process for your child to read with ease and pleasure. Sometimes less motivated children do need a push and to set up routines so that they learn the habit of reading in one form or another. A child exposed to books will at some point come to value reading.
“We read to know we are not alone.”
Ten Steps to more effective parenting
Parenting isn’t about being perfect; it’s about doing your best, even when life throws challenges your way. Changing circumstances can sometimes make it feel like we’re falling short, but often, we’re doing better than we think. Gail Smith’s checklist is here to help you reflect on your parenting habits and recognize the great job you’re doing.
Here is a checklist to help you reflect on some good parenting habits. As parents we are not perfect and sometimes changing life situations have a way of limiting our ability to do our best. However, it is worth checking in to see how you can from time to time improve on your parenting style. You will probably surprise yourself that you are doing a great job!
Consider:
Always keep up boosting your child’s sense of self-worth. They need to feel valued. If it comes from you it is special.
Notice the times when you can reward them. We call this catching them when they are good. This can be for little things, ‘How clever you are to open that box. It seems tightly sealed.’
Setting boundaries are important. A child feels safer with boundaries and needs to be clear with the directions you give them. Try not to overload them with too many directions and instructions.
Always find time for your child. They grow quickly but need your constant presence in their life especially when they are young.
Your image with your child is critical if you want them to follow your values. Your modelling will have a big impact on how they see and interpret the world.
Always work hard to make communication a key feature of your relationship. Find the time to talk to them and listen with sensitivity to what they have to say.
As a parent you will need to be flexible and open to frequent changes. A child’s life is not static and prepare to grow yourself as a parent over the years.
To show that your love is unconditional having a strong and constant presence in their life is so important. You will, from time to time be disappointed but your love does not come with conditions.
Try to introduce some regular patterns into family life. This could be the ritual of a family meal together, reading at bed time etc. Children find ritual comforting.
Try to be a positive person. We know that sound mental health can be directly linked to having a positive disposition. A child feels more secure around a happy parent.
Try not to make judgements too quickly when your child talks to you about challenging situations. They need to feel safe talking to you without feeling that you will disapprove.
All our children ask of us is to be the best we can. That means being authentic, accepting your mistakes and treating them with the dignity and care that you wish for yourself.
“Parenthood... it’s about guiding the next generation and forgiving the last.’”
The best way to influence your child is through modelling
When you have a strong bond with your child, you can teach them important values in a positive way. Kids often copy adults they look up to. You have a big influence on your child's life, so it's important to lead by example. Gail Smith explains why being a good role model is the best way to guide your child.
When you build a strong relationship with your child you have a greater capacity to influence them in a healthy way. This is such a positive way of effectively passing on your values and beliefs in a safe and reliable way. Children particularly model after admired adults. Think about your childhood. Were you strongly influenced by adults that you admired and respected?
Let’s consider why modelling is such an effective way of influencing our children without using power or other means that certainly don't have a long life.
There are few risks in damaging your relationship with your child. By modelling what you believe in you are not directly or adversely attempting to change the child. You are just being yourself.
Your modelling is how you live and what you value. The child can see how happy it makes you and how you enjoy living by your standards.
When you model some behaviour that puts you in a certain direction it demonstrates your convictions. For example, if you believe in a clean house, a clear message is being sent to your child that cleanliness is important in your life.
Being credible is important. Sticking by your convictions sends a very clear message to your child that being rock solid in beliefs is important.
The effects of modelling may take years. Be patient with your child, who will want to experiment with change along the way.
The advantage of modelling is that you are not using power to influence your child. You are just demonstrating that how you live is an acceptable way to operate. In this way your relationship continues to grow. The use of power can result in the rejection of you as a model.
Modelling is all about the longer-term effect for the child. You want them to reflect positively on your model when they are adults making their own decisions. Of course, being another generation there may be a few twists and turns to your influences but none the less they will be useful if valued.
Modelling well is not about being perfect. Just be authentic around your child. They know our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. What they observe is how we handle them.
Finally, never underestimate your capacity to influence your child in the longer term. However, once we use power to exercise and influence, we can damage our relationship and cloud our ability to be of value to your child.
“Be yourself, true and honest to your child. That makes them feel safe and happy.”
Beware the roadblocks to good communication with your child
Have you ever noticed that sometimes our kids seem to tune us out or react in unexpected ways? It might be because we unintentionally create barriers to good communication with them. Discover with Gail Smith some common roadblocks we might unknowingly set up, thinking we're doing what's best for them.
Sometimes we wonder why our children are not listening or are reacting in unacceptable ways to what we have to say and do. Often it's as simple as the fact that we set up roadblocks to good communications with them. We often do this incidentally without any awareness that we are setting up barriers to talking with them without irritation and understanding. Consider below some of the barriers that we can set up often innocently and thinking we are operating in their best interest.
Take care not to be just giving out orders. After a while a child tunes out and the orders fall on deaf ears.
Sometimes we can get so tired that we just give warnings to stop poor behaviour as quickly as possible. If you keep swinging on the gate you will fall over on the concrete and hurt yourself.
As parents we know we have the responsibility of caring but sometimes we think we need to give the solutions to all their problems. How often do you ask others to tell you how to solve your problems.
Be careful with the use of language. When you use word like “stupid' and 'dumb” the child will only here that word and will think that you believe they are dumb. Language is a powerful tool or it can become a weapon. Take care with how you use it.
Try not to probe all the time. When you ask too many questions you will eventually get no response.
Try not to over analyze a child's behaviour. Often it is as simple as a child making a mistake. Move on quickly making it less complicated.
Sometimes we can use sarcasm to ward off a concern they have. Take care not to use adult wit to control conversations with a child. They know that it is a put down.
When we are busy we can change the subject very quickly. Always listen to your child and if busy say that you will talk about their concern later when you have more time. Remember that following up is important.
When we use roadblocks we can easily recognize how a child will shut down and lose an interest in talking to you. We are not about solving our child's problems. We are all about responsible parenting and not being a therapist. We slowly and steadily develop their independent thinking skills. We are an adviser and a wise model. We listen with care and we respect their right to have an opinion.
“A child feels heard when they hear no roadblocks limiting their conversations.”
Nurturing a Growth Mindset in Your Child
How do you encourage positivity and a belief in your child’s ability to be an achiever? Dive into the world of positivity and belief in your child's potential with Gail Smith, as she unveils the secrets to fostering a growth mindset in your child.
In simple terms this is all about encouraging positivity and a belief in your child’s ability to be an achiever.
Consider the following:
Explain to your child the concept of a growth mindset versing a fixed mindset, highlighting the importance of believing in one's ability to improve through effort and practice.
As a parent celebrate when your child tackles a difficult task or shows resilience in the face of challenges. Let them see that effort is rewarding.
As the parent, help your child re frame statements like "I can't do this" to "I can't do this yet," emphasizing the idea of growth and progress over time. It’s about never say never.
As the parent model a growth mindset in your own life. Share stories of your own challenges and successes, demonstrating perseverance and a positive attitude towards learning.
Parents can provide constructive feedback to their child that focuses on effort, progress, and specific actions rather than fixed traits or abilities. Use phrases like, "I noticed you worked really hard on that" or "What strategies did you try?"
Set realistic, achievable goals that align with your child’s interests and abilities. Involve your child in the goal-setting process and celebrate milestones along the way. All goals should be reasonable.
Provide a supportive home environment that encourages exploration, curiosity, and a love for learning. This could include having a designated study space, providing access to educational resources, and engaging in activities that foster creativity and critical thinking.
Re frame mistakes as valuable learning opportunities rather than failures. Discuss strategies for helping your child learn from their mistakes, such as problem-solving, reflection, and seeking help when needed. Making mistakes is a human process.
Celebrate your child's growth and progress, no matter how small. This could involve creating a growth mindset journal where children document their achievements and areas of improvement or holding a "growth mindset celebration" to recognize efforts.
Offer consistent support, encouragement, and reassurance to your child as they navigate challenges and strive for growth. Not everything will be perfect but their efforts are given much encouragement.
As your child grows they need to grow with a positive mindset where there is much personal belief and a sense that all is possible.
“Courage to continue matters more than success or failure”
Build self confidence in your child. You can make a big difference.
Empowering your child with self-confidence is like giving them the keys to steer their own life's journey. Dive into Gail Smith’s tips for fun and effective ways to nurture and boost your child’s belief in themselves.
Never underestimate the difference you can make for your child’s self confidence. Your child trusts your judgement and above all believes in you as their mentor and life support. They take what you say very seriously and need your reassurance. Here are some examples of how to keep up the important role of boosting their self confidence.
Encourage your child to celebrate their achievements, no matter how small. Whether it's mastering a new skill, completing a task independently, or showing kindness to others, take the time to celebrate their successes.
Provide specific and genuine praise for your child's efforts and accomplishments. Instead of just saying "good job," highlight what they did well and why it matters. They need to understand why they are receiving the praise, so label it.
Teach your child to use positive self-talk by affirming their strengths and abilities. Tell them how you like to hear them talk about their achievements out loud.
Help your child set realistic goals that they can work towards. Break larger goals into smaller steps and celebrate each milestone. This helps build a sense of accomplishment and confidence. Also they need to receive regular reassurance especially younger children.
Encourage your child to take healthy risks and step out of their comfort zone. Whether it's trying a new activity, speaking up in class, or making new friends. Teach them that making mistakes is part of life.
Give your child opportunities to make decisions and choices independently. Whether it's choosing what to wear, what to eat for snack, or what game to play, they will be more personally satisfied and more engaged in activities etc. if they take responsibility.
Teach your child resilience by helping them bounce back from setbacks and failures. Encourage them to learn from mistakes, problem-solve, and persevere in the face of challenges. Talk about how you do this in your life.
Be a positive role model for self-confidence by demonstrating confidence in yourself. Show your child how to handle challenges and how to embrace your strengths and weaknesses. Be authentic when you talk about yourself and all your foibles.
Above all, provide your child with unconditional love, acceptance, and support. Let them know that you believe in them, no matter what, and that you are always there to help them succeed.
You love them for who they are and in all circumstances.
Building self confidence in your child is all about teaching them that they can confidently be in charge of their own lives as time progresses. Here we are building emotional intelligence.
“Confident, happy children feel good about themselves and achieve well. It’s natural.”
Let’s find ways to help improve our children’s language skills
Did you know that the more time children spend in front of screens, the less they hear and practice language? This can impact their speaking, listening, writing, and comprehension skills. Explore these suggestions by Gill Smith to ensure your child gets plenty of exposure to develop good language skills.
Recent research published talks about the danger of children losing valuable literacy skills due to too much screen time. It is true that the more screen time a child is exposed to, the less language they hear and the less skilled they are in speaking, listening, writing and comprehending. A child needs to be exposed to language as often as possible. Their vocabulary should be growing daily and their understandings of conversations and their use of language should be a regular daily event. After all, our use of language is a deep reflection of ourselves. Here are some helpful ideas to get you thinking about ways to ensure that your child has regular exposure to good language.
Establish clear limits on the amount of screen time allowed each day, including time spent on devices, watching TV, and playing video games. Use tools like parental controls or screen time management apps to enforce limits and track usage.
Create designated screen-free zones and times in the home, such as during meals, family gatherings, and bedtime. Encourage conversation and interaction by keeping screens out of these areas and times. Make clear rules about when and where screen time is allowed.
Be a positive role model by demonstrating healthy screen habits yourself. Limit your own screen time, especially when interacting with your child. As a family focus on sports activities, games etc. that are a wonderful alternative to docile screen time. Be an active outdoor family where possible.
Provide alternative activities that promote language development and communication skills, such as reading together, playing board games, doing puzzles, or engaging in imaginative play. Encourage outdoor play and physical activities that stimulate language skills.
Make time for meaningful conversations with your child every day. Ask open-ended questions, listen actively, and respond with interest and enthusiasm. Try to talk less and let your child be a dominant talker from time to time.
Make reading a daily habit by incorporating story time into your child's routine. Choose a variety of age-appropriate books that capture their interest and stimulate their imagination. Encourage active participation by asking questions and discussing the story together.
Minimize background noise from TVs, radios, and electronic devices, as it can interfere with language development and comprehension. Create a quiet and calm environment that allows for focused listening and communication. The less noise and surround sound, the better.
Expose your child to a rich and varied language environment by incorporating vocabulary-building activities into everyday life. Use descriptive language, introduce new words, and encourage your child to use language creatively. How about introducing new words every few days. Celebrate when your child uses those words.
Be mindful of the content your child is exposed to on screens and ensure that it is age-appropriate and educational. Choose high-quality programming and apps that promote learning and language development. Be selective in this area.
Foster opportunities for social interaction and communication with peers, family members, and caregivers. Arrange play dates, join community activities, and participate in group settings where your child can practise social skills and language use. Let them rely on their language to connect to others.
Be a family where language is a major way of communicating used frequently and valued as a major source of communication. Let your child see and experience that through using good language skills they gain the attention of so many, are valued for their skills and recognized as having something worthwhile to say.
“The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.”
Supporting your child with homework and developing good study habits
Keep yourself optimistic when your child brings homework to complete. Discover with Gail Smith why supporting your children's efforts and valuing extended learning at home is crucial. Be a pillar of support for your child's educational journey!
Homework can be controversial in many teaching circles. However, if a child is given homework, it is important to support their efforts and let it be seen that extended learning from school is valued in your home and you will be a support.
Consider the following:
Set aside a designated time and space for homework each day to create a consistent routine. This helps children develop a sense of structure and responsibility. Find a comfortable space for your child in which to complete the homework.
Break down homework assignments into smaller, more manageable tasks. Encourage your child to focus on completing one task at a time. Sometimes they can be daunted by looking at the amount of work to do overnight or in a few days.
Do not labour over homework tasks that the child is finding too difficult. Stress that they can discuss it with the teacher on the next day. After all the teacher set the homework.
Create a quiet and organized study space free from distractions, such as television or electronic devices. Offer support and encouragement as needed, but encourage independence and problem-solving skills. Watch the time that the homework is completed. Doing homework when a child is tired or anxious
is doomed for failure.
Teach your child effective time management skills, such as prioritizing tasks, setting goals, and creating a homework schedule. Help them learn to plan their homework out well.
Encourage your child to take regular breaks during homework sessions to rest and recharge. Encourage physical activity, proper nutrition, and adequate sleep to support overall well-being. Create an enjoyable atmosphere around homework time.
Provide guidance and support when needed, but avoid completing assignments for your child. Encourage them to ask questions, seek clarification from teachers, and use available resources such as textbooks, websites, or tutoring services. Take care not to get in an argument about their completing homework when they are struggling with the activity. This is where you need teacher intervention.
Encourage a growth mindset by praising effort, persistence, and improvement rather than focusing solely on grades or outcomes. Let their homework time be a time for learning in an inquiring way but with no tension.
Celebrate your child's successes and achievements, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement helps build confidence and motivation to continue working hard.
Stay informed about your child's progress and any challenges they may be facing with homework. Communicate regularly with teachers to address concerns and seek additional support or resources if needed. Talk to their teacher about your child’s capacity to do the homework.
Model good study habits and a positive attitude toward learning in your own behaviour. Let your child see you reading, learning, and problem-solving in your daily life. Perhaps you could sometimes have a quite study time while they are doing their homework
There are various professional opinions about the value of homework. Keep yourself optimistic when your child brings home work to complete. Let them see that learning is ongoing and not just between the school hours.
“Teach your child that learning happens all the time. Homework is merely one component of a very big picture.”
Build resilience in your child
Encourage your children to explore the world at their own pace, building resilience and happiness along the way. Read on to explore the strategies by Gail Smith, to help your child become more resilient!
As parents, from the very beginning, we see ourselves as the primary nurturer. We should also be seeing ourselves as the primary builder of resilience in our children. We want them to be strong, independent people, who can cope in life, without relying too heavily on us the parents. Sometimes, because we become cautious and anxious to ensure that our children are coping well, we forget about our role to strengthen their resilience and give them the skills they need to survive outside of the family cave.
Consider the following:
Teach children how to identify problems, brainstorm solutions and take action to address challenges.
Encourage them to think creatively and persistently seek solutions, even when faced with setbacks. Let them see that failure is part of life.
Help children develop a growth mindset by emphasizing the power of positive thinking and seeing challenges as opportunities for growth. Encourage them to focus on their strengths. See life as an opportunity and stay focused on solving problems not being overcome by them.
Create a supportive and nurturing environment where children feel comfortable expressing their emotions openly and seeking support when needed. Offer empathy and encouragement. Let them see how possible it is for them to work through a successful process.
Equip children with effective coping skills to manage stress, such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness practices, and relaxation techniques. Encourage them to develop healthy outlets for expressing emotions, such as writing in diaries, art, or physical activity.
Foster independence in children by encouraging them to take on age-appropriate
responsibilities. Allow them to experience natural consequences and learn from their mistakes in a supportive environment.
Cultivate strong, supportive relationships with family members, friends, and other trusted adults who can serve as positive role models.. Your child needs all the positive help they can get.
Expose children to stories of resilience through books, movies, and real-life examples. Highlight individuals who have overcome adversity and achieved success . Talk about them and especially their qualities.
Focus on effort rather than outcomes and celebrate children's achievements, big and small. Praise their hard work, resilience, and perseverance. Celebrating the process not so much the results of the outcomes.
Create a sense of belonging within the family and community by involving children in meaningful activities, traditions, and rituals. There are many charitable organizations with which they can engage themselves.
Be a positive role model for resilience by demonstrating healthy coping strategies, and positive problem-solving skills. Show children that setbacks and failures are opportunities for growth and learning.
When you are around your child be an optimistic person. Let them see that life is a hopeful experience. Moody environments can breed anxiety.
Be prepared to nurture independence in your child as this will be a major hallmark of strength for your child. Let them slowly engage with the world by themselves as this will gradually build strong resilience leading to a happier individual.
“Encouraging independence and building resilience in your child is a life saver”