Christmas Home Decorations - Rituals And Happy Memories

There is magic in Christmas for all children. Fantasy, dreams and excitement mount. The build up brings incredible joy and imaginations run rife. When the family decorates the tree and house in bright lights and colours, the home environment takes on a special magic for your child. Here are some thoughts about how your efforts in decorating for Christmas has so much long term value for your child.

Creativity and expression at Christmas time
Engaging in Christmas decorations encourages creativity and self-expression among children. They get to choose colours, designs, and arrangements, fostering their imaginative skills and allowing them to express themselves freely through decoration choices. This creative outlet can be a therapeutic way to channel emotions and thoughts positively. They will not forget the ritual of setting up the Christmas tree

Bonding and Togetherness
Decorating as a family cultivates a sense of togetherness and strengthens family bonds. Working together towards a shared goal, discussing decoration ideas, and collaborating on various aspects of decoration builds a sense of unity, fostering positive relationships. Memories are created from doing such fun family activities. The more involved they are the better.

Joy and Positive Emotions
The process of decorating for Christmas brings joy and excitement. The anticipation of the holiday season, the colourful lights, and cheerful decorations contribute to a positive atmosphere that can uplift spirits, reduce stress, and evoke feelings of happiness and contentment. It's all a positive time to feel good.

A Sense of Tradition and Belonging
Engaging in Christmas decorating traditions instils a sense of belonging and connection to something larger than oneself. Participating in these rituals and customs, passed down through generations, gives children a sense of identity, continuity, and stability, contributing to their emotional well-being. Never underestimate the importance of routine.

Mindfulness and appreciation
Decorating with the spirit of Christmas encourages mindfulness and appreciation for the present moment. Children learn to appreciate the beauty in small things, focusing on the joy of the activity and the happiness it brings rather than the material aspects.

Christmas can mean many things to different people. Above all it is about coming together and celebrating in some form. It is recognised as a reflective time for families and it can have an amazing calming and mentally stabilising effect for children. It is way of putting closure on the year and bringing together in a warm, comforting way all the feelings, emotions, experiences, joys and maybe sorrows that have been experienced and shared over the year.

Merry Christmas to all families in all shapes and forms.

Why formal education is so important

From time to time people come up with the argument that formal school does not have value and that education at home could be adequate. It is also true to say that some people do not have fond memories of school and sadly there are sound reasons why that was the case. However, I am very much all for the advantages of formal learning sitting of course alongside the journey of learning that you the parents provide. When we have our doubts about formal school think about the following thoughts that remind us of what can be gained through formal schooling..

1. Foundation of Knowledge:

   School provides the basic knowledge and skills needed to understand the world, like reading, writing, and basic maths. The formality of the classes comes with teacher’s training in techniques of teaching literacy. Parents work closely in conjunction with the school and enjoy those early years of their child opening their minds to reading.

2. Social Skills and Relationships:

   It's where children learn to interact with others, make friends, and build essential social skills. The school yard is a miniature society where life happens and social engagements occurs.

3. Opportunities for Future Careers:

   Education at school opens doors for various jobs and careers by providing a foundation of knowledge and qualifications. School provides networks where  a student can access so much knowledge of what happens beyond school.

4. Critical Thinking and Problem-Solving:

   School teaches how to think critically, solve problems, and make decisions, skills needed in everyday life. Teachers are well resourced to provide the best environment for this critical aspect of  learning.

5. Personal Development:

   It helps in developing discipline, time management, and responsibility, preparing kids for life as adults. The culture of the classroom and the social interpersonal experiences that happen each day are constantly feeding the maturation of personal development.

6. Understanding the World:

   School exposes students to various subjects, cultures, and ideas, broadening their understanding of the world. There are many constant discussion etc on what the world is about through a school environment.

7. Health and Well-being:

   It often includes education about health, nutrition, and exercise, promoting a healthier lifestyle. Also school offers children the opportunity to join teams etc.

8. Lifelong Learning:

   It instils the value of continuous learning, encouraging a habit of learning throughout life. A classroom is a powerhouse of learning. Teachers use their talents to teach children all sorts of things and especially engage them in being independent learners.

‘Education is the passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today.’

Malcolm X

Be a little on the wild side and explore adventure with your child

Adventures and surprises in doing varied and different things with your child is life giving and very stimulating for broader learning. Don't underestimate that what you expose your children to can have an amazing impact on their intellectual and emotional growth. Consider the following ideas and examples of how you can make a difference to your child’s life by being open to many ideas.

1. Fosters Learning and Curiosity:

   Adventure and exploration stimulate a child's curiosity and love for learning, providing them with new knowledge and experiences.

   Reason: Children become more adventurous and interested in change as you give them exposure and broad opportunities.

   Example: Parents can take their child on educational trips to museums, zoos, or historical sites, encouraging them to ask questions and explore exhibits. Look at what is advertised around town and beyond.

2. Builds Resilience and Confidence:

   Reason: Facing new challenges and unfamiliar situations helps children build resilience and self-confidence as they navigate and conquer obstacles. It’s all about exposing them to new moments in their life.

   Example: Parents can enrol their child in a sports team, music lessons, or an art class, where they can develop skills and gain confidence in their abilities.

3. Encourages Independence:

   Reason: Adventures allow children to make decisions and problem-solve independently, fostering a sense of self-reliance. Such independence builds emotional maturity and personal confidence. We want our children to feel that they can take control

   Example: Parents can let their child plan a family day trip, where they research and choose the destination, create an itinerary, and lead the way.

4. Creates Lasting Memories:

   Reason: Exploring new places and trying new activities can result in cherished family memories that bring joy for years to come. The more positive happy memories you have the greater longer term happy thoughts children have of growing up

   Example: Parents can plan a family camping trip, complete with storytelling around the campfire and stargazing, creating memorable experiences.

5. Fosters Cultural Awareness:

   Reason: Exposure to different cultures and traditions through travel can broaden a child's perspective and promote cultural understanding. In our global world today we need tolerance and understanding. The more your child is exposed to difference, the better informed that are about life.

   Example: Parents can take their child on international trips or visit cultural festivals and events in their own community to embrace diversity. Check out some of the documentaries on other cultures and watch the program together.

6. Promotes a Sense of Wonder:

   Reason: Adventure encourages children to see the world with wonder and excitement, fostering a lifelong appreciation for the beauty of the world. Surprise them by taking them to places that step away from comfort zones. Let them experience nature through touching, feeling, smelling and experiencing.

   Example: Parents can take their child on nature hikes or expeditions, where they can discover the wonders of the natural world, such as unique plants, animals, and landscapes.

   Be a parent who is open to difference and  welcome ideas that are unique. Not everyone has to be an Indiana Jones but within your scope as a family  look to what is possible and will stretch their imagination. You will enjoy this journey of discovery yourself.

Go a little on the wild side, be adventurous with your child.

 -Gail J Smith

Six mini moments of joy and care to your child

Here are some ideas for giving mini moments of support and encouragement to your child. It is amazing how little encouragement along the way can make all the difference for your child. It doesn’t have to be long and protracted. It just needs to be spontaneous and joyful where the child feels happy, reassured and valued.

1. Getting Closer: Hugging and comforting your child help you become closer, like best friends. It makes them feel safe and close to you.

2. Understanding Feelings: When your child is sad or mad, talking to them and comforting them helps them understand and deal with their feelings better.

3. Feeling Awesome: Saying nice things about what your child does, even if it's a small thing, makes them feel great about themselves. It’s all about positive talk.

4. Being Kind: When you show kindness to your child, like helping them when they're hurt or upset, they learn to be kind to others too. This develops empathy and sympathy.

5. Growing Healthy: Giving your child healthy food, playing with them, and helping them learn new things helps them grow strong and smart.

6. Happy Memories: Doing fun things with your child, like reading stories, baking cookies, or playing games, creates happy memories that they'll remember when they're older. Best to make wonderful long-term memories that will be recounted in their adulthood.

In simple terms, being a good parent means showing love, being there, and doing fun things with your child every day. These little moments of care add up to help your child feel loved while growing up happy and strong. Make it a habit to find occasions to provide those mini moments of care. They will soon add up to a wealth of encouragement.

‘Building blocks of life can start with mini moments of giving joy to your child.’

                                          -Gail J Smith

Celebrate your efforts as the first educators of your child

As a parent doing their best, take a bow. You are the first and primary educators of your child and all your efforts will not go unnoticed by your child. The years of effort and the untiring work you put into the rearing of your child will come to fruition as they mature. Of course, the world is not a perfect place and all that should be asked of any parent is that you simply do your best. There will be influences along the way that will impact on your child-rearing work but being consistent and determined with your heart in the right place will win out on this occasion.

Let’s now reflect on how you impact your child as the first and primary educator. The following reasons show you why you make all the difference.

Foundation of Values and Morals: Parents instil their values, ethics, and morals in their children from an early age. It naturally happens that way. This foundation helps shape the child's character and guides them in making ethical decisions throughout their life. They are listening and learning from an early age.

Language and Communication Skills: Parents are the primary source of language development for children. They help children build their vocabulary, improve communication skills, and foster a love for reading and learning. Speak to them well and listen well to what they have to say. How you use your language skills will influence how they use their language skills to others.

Emotional Well-Being: Parents provide emotional support, love, and care that create a secure attachment in children. This secure attachment serves as a strong emotional foundation, promoting positive mental health and resilience. Your emotional support perhaps I should say, this emotional security is the foundation of building self-esteem.

Cultural and Religious Identity: Parents often pass down cultural and religious traditions, customs, and beliefs. This helps children understand their heritage and cultural identity, promoting a sense of belonging. All that you do which is ritual and contains family values will give your child stability and a connection to the past.

Early Learning and Curiosity: Parents stimulate a child's curiosity by answering questions, engaging in activities, and encouraging exploration. This early exposure to learning fosters a lifelong love for knowledge and learning. Being an active, engaging parent will provide the stimulus and interest in learning.

Responsibility and Work Ethic: Parents teach children about responsibility, work ethic, and the importance of setting and achieving goals. These lessons help children develop a strong sense of personal responsibility and motivation. Your modelling in this area happens on a daily basis. They observe how you live and how you live up to your expectations.

In essence, parents play a crucial role in shaping their child's values, identity, emotional well-being, and learning experiences. Being the first educators, they have a profound impact on their children's development, helping them become well-rounded individuals who are prepared to navigate the world with confidence and integrity. The ball is in your court. Enjoy the game.

‘Parents are teachers, and home is a child’s first and most important classroom.’

-Hillary Clinton

The fun of joint projects with your child

Finding good reasons to spend time together shows that you are keen to build a strong relationship with your child. Finding projects that you can share together is not only educational but leads you both on a journey of discovery together. Shared projects mean you are both actively engaged to discover and learn new things. What better way than to show your child how you value learning as much as them.

In a shared project there is give and take and lots of healthy questioning along the way. It means that conversations with your child are rich and lead to happy negotiations between the two of you.

To find joint projects, look at things you do at home that can be shared. Think about what motivates you and what will motivate your child. Once you have a good sense of an activity that you both will enjoy then go for it. The project does need to be wanted and accepted by both of you. It will fail if the passion wears off quickly. Think about how your family operates and what interests them enough to join in with you on project developments.

Here are some suggestions:

• Gardening, setting up veggie areas together.

• Building a small cubby house.

• Fixing bikes and toys together

• Cooking, experimenting with new recipes.

• Doing a drawing course together.

• Painting the child’s room together.

• Building a major Lego set.

• Sewing and learning about patterns.

• Build a bird feeder.

• Art and craft activities with toilet rolls etc.

• Be involved in exercise together.

• Nature activities, setting up equipment together.

• Research together where next to go on holidays.

• Develop a family scrapbook together.

 The list is endless and is only limited by your imagination.

Together you are teaching your child more about the world, showing them new skills and deepening your relationship with them. You are also fostering teamwork and bonding. Your child needs to see how you value learning and want to share your wisdom with them.

‘Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.’

                                                       -Albert Einstein.

Crazy ideas to lighten the load and make a child’s feeling of school a happy one

These ideas may just brighten the week for everyone.

The Early Riser Battle Plan: First down to the breakfast table after jobs are done scores points. The child with the most points at the end of the week gets a sleep-in on one of those days.

The "Stealth Mode" Lunch Packing: Want to surprise your kids with a special lunch? Practice your ninja skills and sneak some fun notes or treats into their lunchboxes. It's like being the undercover agent of parenting! Do it occasionally so that it really is a surprise.

Homework Hijinks: Turn homework into a game show! Buzz in for correct answers and use a giant foam hand to point out spelling mistakes. Your kids will be entertained, and their homework sessions will become a hilarious competition. Let them see that homework is a regular part of family life.

The Magic Cleanup Spell: Teach your kids a "magic" cleanup spell. Just wave a spatula in the air, say "Hocus Pocus Tidus Maximus," and watch as they tidy up their toys in record time.

The "Dance Party" Drop-off: Instead of the usual drop-off routine, have a dance party in the car before they go to school. Groove to their favourite tunes and see them off with a smile on their faces.

The "Mystery Bag" Snack: Prepare a "mystery bag" snack with unusual food items hidden inside. Let your child discover the surprise during lunchtime. It's like a mini food adventure every day!

Time Travel Transport: Turn school drop-off into a time travel adventure. Pretend your car is a spaceship or a time machine. "Buckle up, Captain, we're off to the future of knowledge!"

Math-a-Palooza: Practice math skills in unconventional ways. Use lollies as counting tools or measure ingredients for a baking session. Who knew learning could be so sweet and tasty?

Artistic Lunchbox Masterpieces: Level up your lunchbox game by creating art on the sandwich! Use food colouring to draw funny faces or animals. The kids will have a blast eating their edible masterpieces.

Parent-Teacher Comedy Show: Organize a fun parent-teacher comedy night where parents and teachers perform humorous skits about parenting challenges. Laughter is the best way to bond!

Being a parent is a challenge but also an absolute joy

Parenting can be challenging, but it is also a fulfilling and enjoyable journey.

Here are six great strategies to help parents see the enjoyable side of parenting: The process needs to be enjoyed and savoured as a unique part of your life.

1. Practise Gratitude: Take time each day to reflect on the positive aspects of parenting. Focus on the moments that brought joy and fulfilment, no matter how small they may seem. When you look at your child feel gratitude that they are looking back at you!

2. Celebrate Milestones: Celebrate your child's milestones, big or small, and recognise your role in their growth and development. Whether it's their first steps, a good grade at school, or simply mastering a new skill, acknowledging these accomplishments can bring joy and pride to both you and your child. Take photos and keep mementos of special occasions. Keep the fire alive in celebrating all sorts of situations.

3. Spend Quality Time: Make an effort to spend quality time with your child doing activities you both enjoy. Engaging in fun and playful activities together creates positive memories and strengthens the parent-child bond. Quality time can be short or long but needs to be regular and become a normal part of family life. Be active with your quality time. Games and sports are a great way of enjoying each other.

4. Find Humour in Parenting: Parenting can be filled with many humorous moments, and finding humour in everyday challenges can lighten the mood. Laughing about the messy situations or innocent remarks your child makes, can turn potentially stressful situations into amusing anecdotes. The world of parenting is messy and comes with all sorts of challenges. Keep the world of parenting light and see the beauty and humour of simple things. There it will be found.

5. Connect with Other Parents: Building a supportive network of other parents can be a great way to share experiences, advice, and humour. You need not be alone. Join parenting groups, attend social events, or connect with parents in your community to feel a sense of camaraderie and understanding. Laugh at yourself and your parenting style from time to time. Everyone will parent differently and that is fine.

6. Self-Care for Parents: Taking care of yourself is essential for enjoying parenting. Ensure you get enough rest, engage in hobbies or activities you love, and don't hesitate to ask for help when needed. When parents are well-rested and emotionally fulfilled, they are more likely to appreciate the enjoyable moments of parenting. Take breaks where necessary and see them as a time of respite. For this, you will parent much better.

Being a parent is an active, changing business. It comes with challenges that can be turned into great moments of discovery and joy. Nothing ventured, nothing gained is true of parenting. You need to get in there hands and feet. Above all, enjoy the journey and keep reminding yourself of the preciousness of your role.

‘One of the greatest titles in the world is a parent, and one of the biggest blessings in the world is to have parents to call mum and dad.’ 

   -Jim DeMint

Time to remind yourself that being a parent is a wonderful experience

Unconditional Love: Being a parent allows you to experience a deep and unconditional love for your child. Something unique and special develops between you and the child. It is precious. It is irreplaceable. You own it.

Example: Seeing your child's smiling face when they wake up in the morning or hearing their laughter when you play together fills your heart with pure joy.

Milestone Moments: As a parent, you get to witness and celebrate numerous milestone moments in your child's life. You are part of it and you can take pride in all your contributions over the years. Each achievement becomes a source of immense pride and happiness.

Example: Capturing the moment when your child takes their first step or saying their first words creates memories that you'll cherish forever.

Sense of Purpose: Parenting gives you a strong sense of purpose and meaning. Nurturing and guiding a child through life's challenges allows you to make a positive impact and shape their future.

Example: Knowing that you are raising a compassionate, kind, and responsible individual who will contribute positively to society, fills you with a sense of purpose and fulfilment.

Having a child in your life reignites the wonders of life through a child’s eyes. It awakens in us the child we were and it invites us to share in simple joys and pleasures. It clears the cobwebs that can develop as we plough through our adult life.

Example: Watching your child marvel at a rainbow or discover the beauty of a butterfly can remind you of the wonders that often go unnoticed in the hustle and bustle of adult life. They awaken in you the child and that is liberating.

Learning and Growing Together: Parenthood offers continuous opportunities for personal growth and learning. As you navigate the challenges and joys of raising a child, you gain valuable insights, patience, and resilience. Having another individual in your life that relies on you, needs care and understanding will demand from you your absolute attention. There is no escaping building tolerance, understanding, empathy etc.

Example: Overcoming sleepless nights, mastering the art of multitasking, and learning to be patient during tantrums are all experiences that help you grow and become a better version of yourself.

Emotional Satisfaction: Parenting brings immense emotional fulfilment. The love, laughter, and moments of connection you share with your child create a deep sense of happiness and contentment. How emotionally satisfying it is to see yourself in your child.

Example: Embracing your child in a warm hug after a long day or hearing them say, "I love you, Mom/Dad," can instantly fill your heart with overwhelming joy and gratitude. Enjoy those special little moments. They come spontaneously and frequently.

Creating Life Memories: Being a parent allows you to create lasting memories that you and your child will cherish throughout your lives. From family vacations to everyday adventures, these moments become the foundation of a lifetime of shared experiences.

Example: Going on a family road trip and exploring new places together, or even simple activities like baking cakes and having picnics in the park, become treasured memories that you can reminisce about in the future.

Building Strong Bonds: Parenthood enables you to build deep and lasting bonds with your child. The connection you form with them becomes an unbreakable bond that provides a source of strength, love, and support. You take them from dependence to independence and you build foundations that are unique to you and your child.

Example: Sharing quality time with your child, engaging in conversations, and being there for them during both good and challenging times strengthen your relationship and create a lifelong connection.

The journey you share with your child is likened to weaving a tapestry. There will be various shades that brighten and darken the work. Sometimes the weave will be thick and full of texture, and other times lighter and softly woven. It builds into a magical imagery of your life shared with your child that has been created lovingly over the years.

‘We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.’                                           

                                                                         -Henry Ward Beecher                                             

Supporting our Upper Primary Students: Encouraging Growth and Independence

Have you noticed your older primary child wanting more independence? Sometimes they demand it, other times they just take it! It's natural for them to seek more freedom and change how they respond to school. Socialising with friends becomes important as they build their identity. The upper primary years can be challenging as they go through puberty.

As a parent, you might wonder how to best support them during this time of change. Here are some simple ideas:

1. Listen attentively. They need to be heard, and what they say may be changing!

2. Focus on their learning, not just their work. Are they doing homework regularly, using the library, or talking about projects?

3. Help with school projects. Assist them in researching topics and discussing their work.

4. Use adult language. Respect their maturity by avoiding baby talk. Try using new words and have fun conversations.

5. Encourage trying new things. Suggest exploring different sports or activities.

6. Watch the news together and discuss it. They can understand more complex ideas now.

7. Talk about time management. As school demands increase, discuss how they plan and cope.

8. Promote balance between school and recreation. Show them how to maintain a healthy lifestyle by engaging in activities together.

9. Provide emotional support. Understand their changing emotions and be there for them. Stay in touch with their teacher too.

Remember, as your child grows, your role as a parent will change too. Be a loving and attentive presence and listen to their needs.

‘Though it's bittersweet to see your child grow up, celebrate their bright spirit as they prepare to spread their wings.’

                                                      -Gail J Smith

Keep our children active and physical

We are often focused on developing our intelligence which involves social, emotional and cognitive skills. What we need to keep in mind is that physical activity connects very much to our developing mindset and that children need to keep working on their physical development throughout their lives. In some cases, this is not difficult, as many children demand to be active and commit to different sports etc. very early in their life. There are of course some children who are reticent to be active and participate in team sports which are so beneficial for them on a range of levels.

There is considerable evidence that mental well-being is improved through physical activity. The synchronicity of mind and body is critical to good mental health. Who doesn’t really feel good when they are not physically active and moving well? Learning involves the brain, the body and the soul. At any age, physical activity helps us grow and feel so much better in ourselves. We learn better, we think better and we act better when we are more active.

This article is to remind us of the importance of keeping our children active and invigorating their days with movement of some sort.

Consider:

• When a child joins a sporting team, they gain immense skills in socially engaging with others, learning to be a team member and working in a collaborative manner under pressure.

• Keep your child regularly active. Consider joining them daily with a bike ride or just a walk around the park. The habit is a powerful reminder of what will make a difference to them in the long run.

• Use your backyard. Put up a basketball ring, a bounce set etc. Let them use all their domestic spaces to exercise and feel free.

• Talk about physical fitness frequently. Chat about heroes that work to keep fit.

• Set up routines with physical fitness for the family. It might be weekly bike rides or walks in parks. Develop a pattern where your children think that routine fitness is a family affair and one that is important to you.

• We often find after exercise that we are mentally more alert and keen to take on the challenges of the day. Choose the best time of the day for family exercise. Timing is everything in this matter.

• School has excellent opportunities for children to join various sporting teams. Encourage this and support them by attending sessions where possible. Children learn a lot more social skills when playing sports with peers. They also learn about empathy and cooperation as a team member.

• If your child does not show interest in sports, at least take them walking, hiking, cycling etc. to keep them interested in being physical. Competitive sport is not for everyone. Lead by example and take them along for different physical experiences.

• Children talk up their sports and enjoy engaging with each other through games etc. Keep your child aware of the value of being active and physical. This keeps them in tune with their peers and strengthens their relationships with them.

• No child likes to feel unaligned with their peers. Being in tune with their physical needs and educated in the value of physical fitness gives them mental aptitude. They cope well with their peers and feel equal.

• It is all about alignment with mind and body. As your child grows, teach them that being physically active can improve general health and give them a great sense of personal satisfaction. As they become more familiar with the benefits of being fit they will want to keep up the momentum. They will notice the difference themselves.

Finally, with all that is said today about mental health, I cannot recommend anything better for family stability than collective involvement in family physical activities. It is so good for the body and spirit and that wonderful sense of togetherness without complications.

‘Exercise not only changes your body, it changes your mind, your attitude and your mood’’

                                                                                          Unknown

14 easy parenting strategies

There are countless ideas in parenting courses, not the least of which is from my book: ‘The Primary Years. A principal’s perspective on raising happy kids.’ Here I have compiled a list of easy-to-apply strategies that can have a remarkable impact on making parenting a little easier. These strategies will be well received by your child who feels more easily connected to you. We could call them the simple language of parenting.

Consider:

• Become a natural, spontaneous parent in praising children where possible. Try to mention why you are praising them. This hits home very quickly with a child.

• Behaviour that we favour is especially valuable in rewarding. ‘You are such a caring person to hug your little brother when he cries.’

• Be very clear when setting expectations. Keep the message short and use simple words that make it easy for a child to translate. Sometimes asking them to repeat back what was asked of them ensures that everyone is on the same page. This is especially important for younger children.

• Be a problem solver with your child. Sit with them and together execute planned ways of looking at problems together. Share in the process of working through problems and make it a family habit. Point out that you do not have, nor should you have all the answers.

• Slow down the anger. Being quick to anger can escalate the problem. Allowing some breathing space brings the anger down a notch or two. It also gives you time to better assess the situation.

• Live out your values happily. Talk about them often. This way your child knows what is important to you even though they will change over time.

• Gradually provide opportunities for building your child’s independence. From the minute they are born, we should be finding ways to let them build their independence.

• Involve your child in family decision-making. This can be part of your family culture to be inclusive and to engage with them about holidays, activities etc.

• Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. This means that you are prepared to listen and compromise. This is all about being fair, just and respecting your child’s opinions.

• Wherever possible be the coach not the lecturer. This is about giving independent guidance but not having expectations that they will always follow suit.

• Create a safe happy home where your child feels that they have a voice and are valued.

• When setting expectations, make them age appropriate and realistic. This way, your child will not be overwhelmed or feel intimidated.

• Create a home that is also a creative and positive learning environment. Spread books around the house, ensure that there is plenty of light and good study facilities near and around the family room. Have music playing. Talk about articles you have read.

• Be engaged and involved with your child’s school. Talk about it a lot and show interest in what work comes home. Volunteer and find out how you can support the school.

This list gives you some ideas for building a stronger relationship with your child. You can, with practice, get better at using these strategies and once you feel some success it is amazing how you condition yourself to keep them up. You may find that some will be easier to adopt than others. You may also find that you are successfully and naturally doing these strategies already. If so just keep up the great work!

‘The golden rule of parenting is to always show your children the kind of person you want them to be’

-Elizabeth Roxas

Poor behaviour can get you down - 9 ways to better manage

From time to time, continued poor behaviour can be tiring and may cause a frustrated parent to overreact on the littlest of issues. It is always wise to remind yourself of one important fact, when taken seriously, it helps to ease the pressures when things just get too hard. Remember what you are seeing with your child is simply behaviour. It is acted out because of some reasons where satisfaction has not been gained. It is a call for help. It is not the nature of the child nor should you begin to feel guilty because you have feelings of not liking your child. What you do not like is the behaviour, which is temporary and is not the child.

Here are nine thoughts to help understand the best ways to respond when poor behaviour interferes with your relationship with your child:

1. Be a proactive parent. This is where you are actively engaged in their life and always on the lookout to be proactive. This means spending time with your child, talking to them, playing, reading together and encouraging independence. It is all about having an active presence in their life. You have more chance of being heard when disciplining and will be respected by your child when rules, routines and rituals are put in place to enrich the family.

2. Catch them when they are good and keep the affirmation at a high level. Be specific and let them know what you affirm them for rather than just general acknowledgement.‘Well done. You put the dishes away and now I can go to bed a little earlier.’

3. When problem behaviour occurs, try to think about what and why the behaviour has occurred. Finding the reason takes away the feelings of disappointment and reduces angry disappointed feelings. Listen to your child and hear what they have to say.

4. Prevention is better than cure. Here I suggest you make sure your child knows what is expected of them and this may mean demonstrating the expected behaviour to the child. Having regular routines is helpful in developing regular behaviour patterns. Younger children especially, may not know what is expected of them.

5. When disciplining, take care to criticise the behaviour of the child and not the child. Upset children can misinterpret very quickly that you dislike them. It is all about disliking the behaviour, not the child.

6. Learn to negotiate with your child and get them involved in talking about the consequences of their actions. Keep the punishment to only suit the crime and move on quickly. Never surprise your child with some new way of dealing with the problem. Keep consequences familiar and consistent. Check-in with them later to make sure you are back on track with your relationship.

7. Are there some situations that you can let go and decide that some things can just pass? It is OK to just forgive, forget and make a fresh start. This is important to be intuitive enough to know what is best left alone.

8. In solving problems, it is vital that it’s done with the child. Once the problem is established, look together at possible ways to deal with it. Together, choose a solution to trial. Try it and later evaluate if it worked. This is the best way to teach them how to solve problems.

9. Keep things as simple as possible. When a child is upset, their capacity to reason and be logical drops immensely. They need you to be clear about the concern and to direct them into managing the problem calmly and with a belief in solving the problem together.

Finally, when we think about supporting our children with behavioural issues and problems, keep in mind that children have rights. One is to be treated fairly and consistently. Parents have rights also. One is to decide what standards of behaviour are acceptable in their own home. The invitation is clear. Treat your child with dignity as you educate them into managing themselves in a loving, respectful family, where effective listening and appreciation of each others’ rights are paramount. This can start from a very early age.

‘Challenging behaviour occurs when the demands and expectations being placed upon a child outstrip the skills they have to respond.’

                                                                                  -Youth Dynamics

Think about cultivating good habits

As a family, we are busy doing many things across the week. Some things are repetitive and some are simply done once or twice. We also practise certain rituals as a family. This may include being pedantic about having a meal together, watching a program together, attending family functions etc. Every family will set up routines and schedules that are very specific to them across the year.

This article is to invite us to reflect on cultivating good habits with our children. They could be simple habits or more complicated ones, but the message is all about conditioning your children to savour and value good habits that they take with them for life.

We can teach these good habits slowly and steadily over the years. They simply require repetition and your child needs to see how you value such habits that enrich your life. Once a child sees the value in the habit and learns to enjoy the experience, it will often stay with them as a useful tool for life.

Consider:

• Tell your child what you really enjoy. For example, do you enjoy planting your own vegetables? If so, teach them how and what you do. Give them exposure to that often and share the joy of sharing your own vegetables.

• If sport and fitness are important aspects of your life, your child will enjoy being part of that self-discipline and sharing in the exercise.

• Your passion and the demonstration of your passion will have an impact on your child. Use it wisely and often. Talk about it and celebrate what habits work for you.

• Remember you are a coach and your child may listen and decide that such a passion or habit does not suit them. Accept the results and be patient. It is amazing how much subliminal learning is held in store.

• How you work will be another example of developing life habits. Talk to your child about what drives your passion in your work and how you best like to work.

• A child will be more inclined to listen when they see how you enjoy something, but place no expectations on them to be or to do the same. Take care to be a model that enjoys what you do and is simply happy to share your knowledge and experience.

• If you have a habit that you value, be consistent with it, this gives it credibility and shows your determination. A child will remember this even though they may not immediately adopt the habit.

• When you have a good habit, remember that when your child adopts it, there will always be room for improvement and your child may wish to reshape the habit. Roll with the changes and let them see how you value their contributions.

• Routines are a great way to teach good habits. A routine is secure and a child knows that boundaries and limits give them a form of reassurance. This is very comforting for most children. Involve your child in setting routines. This way they own the process more and the likelihood of turning goals into lifelong habits is greater.

• Developing good habits is essential for our health. They give direction, reassurance and support better mental health. Achieving and managing lifestyle goals have a better chance when a child sees the regularity of good habits happening at an earlier age.

• Consider starting with very simple habits. Initially, children need to feel that setting up good habits is simple. It is all about developing an easy, enjoyable habit that can then become a life habit.

• Remember to reward along the way. We all need consistent encouragement as we progress. Also, keep the experience positive throughout the entire process of teaching and modelling good habits.

• Be realistic with your expectations. In developing good habits, everything has to be within reason and age-appropriate.

• Have your ground rules expressed with strength and with compassion. Ground rules that work for the whole family are also an excellent way of developing good habits. For example, how about the rule of being on time for the family meal?

• Being involved in your child’s life is a sure way of being a successful model demonstrating how good habits work for you. A child respects and values parents who are actively interested in them.

There are many examples of setting good examples such as demonstrating good manners, caring for elders, showing respect for others etc. The important factor is to be consistently living out those habits in your own life. The example is the key for the child.

All in all, let them have a voice and invite their thoughts and ideas of the family habits set up over the years. The more they feel they have a voice, the greater they will own good habits and build these for themselves their own story.

         ‘We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.’                   

         -Will Durant                                                                          

9 ideas to get the term off to a good start

Term two begins in school with a whole different feel. By now there is a general expectation that relationships have formed in the classroom and that children have a good understanding of where they sit with their teacher. Not to say that this is still a work in progress and children need to feel secure and valued over the school year. Sometimes, with more vulnerable children, that can take some time to develop.

1. Routines should be well set up at home. This should especially apply to before-school routines and homework patterns. Providing such an order does keep children busy and focused. This reduces small anxieties about school that can creep up, particularly in the morning.

2. Every now and then check in with your child that they are keeping in touch with their teacher. A measure of this is usually that they talk about them at home. If you have concerns, talk to your child and follow up with the teacher. They need to be kept in the loop.

3. Routines are well underway in a classroom. Children know the routines, the regular test patterns and the extras that are built into the day. Chat about how their day works. This shows interest and that you have up-to-date information.

4. The teacher will have set expectations of how the children should work by now. It is important that your child understands and is in the swing of following the routines of the school day. A chat at home is also helpful here.

5. Sometimes, with younger children, fatigue can set in and occasionally you may hear ‘I don’t want to go to school.’ Sometimes it comes in the form of stomach aches etc. Here it is important to be strong and keep up with regular school attendance. Research shows that more and more absences from school becomes a habit and has a significant impact on learning.

6. Try to keep up with parent nights, sports days etc. I know the year gets complicated but your continual, ongoing presence in their school life, keeps their optimism up for the year. It can wain once the weather gets colder and days darker.

7. As the winter sets in and the children seem less engaged, maybe this could be the time to throw in some treats or simply reduce duties etc. A little lighter period on everyone can ease the winter blues.

8. Keep up the important family rituals such as having meals together. Such regularity helps everyone feel consistently connected and necessary.

9. Bedtime rituals are important as the year rolls on. Children enjoy that time to often disclose concerns or simply feel connected in a special way to their parents.

Finally, the school year can be challenging for some children. It can also put undue strain on a family that is busy and has a range of expectations. As a parent, keeping the happy momentum is what it is all about. This may need some adjustment and maybe adaptation from time to time. It may also require that you check in with your own needs across the year. Your mental health has a direct impact on the well-being of your children.

         ‘One way to keep up the momentum going is to have constantly greater goals.’

 -Michael Korda

Be confident as a parent you have what it takes

By nature of being a parent, you come with many capabilities. It is easy to underestimate how skilled you are, but by nature of being an adult, you have already learnt many skills that can be translated into useful tips for your child. A parent who feels confident about their skills gives a strong message to their child and this feeds into successful parenting. Confidence breeds reassurance in others.

It is also natural to feel anxious about providing the best advice and council to your growing child. After all, the world they are entering has altered from your world and the skills they need have shifted from the demands and expectations placed on you whilst growing up.

Here are a few thoughts on feeling and growing confident in being the best parent possible:

• Never underestimate your child. Understand that they have special gifts that are unique to them and that we should focus on all that makes them special and unique. Consider that they may not understand you, but your task is to understand them and respect what it is that they want. This can be difficult, but to understand them better you need to understand their world. You have more confidence in supporting your child when you really feel you know them.

• Take care not to compare. Each child is an individual and thinks and processes quite differently. We need to understand how they think and what drives their world. The more we show respect and understand our child, the greater union between you and your child.

• The education of your child takes such a priority. Know what your child is learning. Be part of that journey. Show interest and be available when and if they need your support. Learning is a lifelong journey and it happens in many ways. Your child needs to see that you are open to learning yourself and enjoying their journey through their schooling years. Don’t be anxious about what you know and what you have to offer. You have much to offer!!!

• Know that learning more about parenting is what all parents can benefit from. Read books on parenting. Look up journal items etc. Gain information and be an ongoing learner in the field of parenting.

• Find creative ways to be family. Real learning comes from joint experiences. Rock climb together. Kayak as a family. Keep the adventure coming. Take a few risks together. This always strengthens the bonding and builds family confidence.

• An important and easy way to parent well is to set up stable routines. Here, I refer to meal times, chores, morning expectations etc. Routine gives you clear directions and everyone knows what the expectations are for all. Start early when the children are little.

• You know your child very well. Have faith in your gut and intuitive sense. Parents have a natural sense when it comes to intuitive matters. Rely on your good sense when talking and negotiating with your child. But be an effective listener!

• Be natural and accept your mistakes. Children respect you when you show your human face and act in an authentic way. Nothing is gained by false confidence or bravado. Show them it is OK to make a mistake and that you can grow and learn from making mistakes. You will be less anxious about making errors when you accept that making mistakes is a normal part of parenting.

• Being a strong, active presence in the life of your child is a powerful way to parent well. Never underestimate that such a presence presents confidence and reassurance with all its foibles and successes.

• You will see many models of parenting over the years. Some will come with outstanding qualifications and some will challenge you especially when your child says: ‘Mary’s parents let her go to the party!’

Don’t be put off by all the models of ‘would be’ great parenting. You are the parents. You are the rock and you have such sensitivity to your child, that can only be understood by the intimacy of being their parent. Despite the fact that you may not have all the answers, you are there for all the right reasons. Just ensure that you listen effectively and are prepared to appreciate other ways of seeing the world. With confidence, you are in the best position to deal with many and varied matters of childhood.

Over the years in my role as Principal, I saw many families crossing my door. It was always a joy to observe families who were closely bonded by the nature of who they were. These families enjoyed being part of their family where expectations were normal, understanding and tolerance strong and no undue pressure appeared to bother them. Family for them was a natural process, with all its foibles and successes. Being family shouldn’t be complicated and above all you, the parent have much to offer your fledglings.

         ‘Behind every young child who believes in himself is a parent who believed in him first.’

                                                                                           - Pinterest

Parent involvement reaps all the benefits

No doubt about it, when parents are actively involved and interested in their child’s learning, the child has an optimal chance of being successful at school.

When your child feels that their school life is connected to their home life and that parents enjoy and participate where possible, great expectations are the order of the day.

Here are some of the outcomes when parents show interest in their child’s schooling:

• A child will have a more positive attitude to their work when they know that parents are interested in what they are learning. This becomes a normal part of home life, talking about the activities and discussions held at school.

• Reading accelerates early when parents engage with them in reading at home. Keep books visible around the house and demonstrate to your child that reading is a natural family experience across the week.

• Parents interested in their child’s learning are always keen to be around at homework time. They understand that there are expectations set by the school and their support makes it easier for children to fall into the routine of doing homework.

• Interested parents are naturally encouraging their children in the whole learning process. Therefore, it’s no surprise that these children are developing an interest in learning and higher education.

• A parent involved in their child’s education also gains some joy from learning new ways and being part of the bigger life of the school. There is nothing more enriching than a school community in full swing.

• When school problems appear, engaged parents are quick to respond and given their insightfulness, problems can be solved more quickly and with less interference.

• Parents engaged with the school build a strong relationship with the teachers. This makes such a difference when issues occur. Teachers are more at ease with interested parents. They feel very comfortable talking to them.

• Talking about school regularly as a family builds a happy image of the paramount importance of school in the life of the child and family.

• A great way to support your child’s learning is to set an example by reading, writing and engaging in other learning activities. Children then see how you value the learning process for yourself.

• A parent is involved when they develop a communication style that invites questions, enjoys problem-solving and having open conversations. The more you show an inquisitive style to a conversation and invite alternative solutions to problems, the more you are teaching your child to think laterally and become a problem solver.

• Proudly boast your child’s school work by having pieces on display around the house. This shows your approval and praise of their work.

• Children who get support from parents do feel more competent at learning. Parent support gives them this boost. It also keeps their interest in attending school regularly.

• When parents show interest the child is happier and their morale is high. This affects their whole disposition to school. They are more inclined to be interested in engaging in more activities.

• Teaching children to value education and is solidified if parents are actively interested in their child’s learning.

Finally, enjoy the journey. You will learn so much from being an active participant in your child’s learning. Nothing is ever lost from exposure to learning and your child will feel more secure knowing that you are walking the path with them.

                          ‘If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.’

-Milton Berle

Watch out for the impostor syndrome that can creep up slowly

Have you ever felt that you were just not worthy of rewards or that you felt that people had misjudged you or that you weren’t as capable as people thought. Perhaps somebody else should have your position? Beware, this is called the impostor syndrome. This is where we tend to believe that we are fooling others and rising above our status and capabilities. It can be one of those syndromes that can start early and I have seen, in some children, a lack of willingness to take awards, or put themselves first, because they thought others were more worthy. A child can start to develop stepping back approach to and not expecting to be chosen because of their feeling of unworthiness.

Let us consider how we can ensure that our children reduce their feelings of insecurity:

• Always try to reinforce with them why they have succeeded. In this way you are being specific about their achievements. They are real and clearly being stated “Well done. You won that award because you can run so fast. It is a great skill of yours.”

• Encourage your child to put their names forward for all types of events and opportunities. Explain that better to be in the race than not.

• Talk about how you cope with feelings that others deserve it more than you. Perhaps you have had times when you were reluctant to put yourself forward. How did you handle it?

• Having knowledge that you are capable and that there are good reasons why you should be chosen is a key to being on top of this problem.

• Reinforce regularly to your children that we all have some fear about taking on new steps but that they are worthy and that they should feel proud of all their achievements.

• Sometimes it’s worth just listing all the capabilities your child demonstrates. Sometimes seeing it gives a strong message of their sense of worth.

• Talk to your child’s teacher and ask if there are any signs that your child is choosing to stand back from being chosen or is reluctant to put up their hands. Teachers are very good at bringing children into the scene and ensuring that their engagement in the class is full and healthy. The classroom is an especially important space for your child to feel strong and confident in themselves amongst their peers. So much of this impostor syndrome is about you feeling less worthy than others.

• Try to avoid put downs to your child. These are sure fired ways of making them feel less worthy. Words stick and can be remembered for a long time.

• Take care not to rush to negative talk when a situation develops. Here we are trying to encourage our children not to immediately focus on the negative. When a tricky situation occurs think about the positive first. Be drawn to thinking about good outcomes before honing in on the negative.

Finally, we all can suffer from being a little nervous but here we are trying to ensure that our children do not become conditioned to stepping back and feeling less worthy than others. A healthy dose of personal confidence and feeling of worthiness is what we seek for our children. It is a very healthy disposition to like yourself and feel achievable and worthy.

                   ‘Love isn’t something you have to deserve.’

                                                                                  -Jennifer Echols

Sibling matters really matter!

It is such a natural part of family life to have to deal with sibling issues. Children come in different shapes and sizes and their place in the family, age and temperament will determine how they respond to sibling matters. Do not be too surprised when there are fall outs and they say how they hate their brother or sister. The parent’s role is to negotiate their way through these times which will always be changing. The fact that family dynamics are constantly on the move as children grow and family circumstances shift, reminds us that we need not get too stressed when there is a sibling blow out! It is amazing how their feelings towards each other will vacillate according to shifting circumstances, mood, temperament and wellbeing. Don’t be surprised when the pendulum swings from one end to the other.

The parent’s role is to be the navigators through these situations. The following thoughts remind us not to worry too much, but to use some strategies to ensure that navigation is as accurate and smooth as possible:

• When squabbles occur, remember to be an effective listener, but despite what you may think, do not take one side over the other.

• Encourage them always to resolve matters themselves where possible. This is always the best option, but consider their age and capacity to work through the matter.

• Try to be fair and just when discussing consequences. Make sure that the discipline given is understood and accepted by the child or children.

• Keep in mind the age of your child. Younger children will not be able to comprehend the situation the same way as an older child can understand. Each child should be spoken to for age appropriateness and readiness to listen. This means that the nature of the discipline should fit their age.

• Sometimes we worry far too much about their fights. Always check in with them as sometimes the dispute is already resolved and your involvement is not necessary.

• On the positive side, having a sibling and learning to share, negotiate and sometimes compromise is a great way to learn life skills. So occasional fights and healthy resolutions can be a positive thing.

• Remember it is your home and you set many of the rules. Sometimes they just have to go by the rules with no negotiation.

• Being fair is so important as lack of fairness can build further resentment.

• When talking about your children, avoid negative talk about one child in front of the other. This can be unsettling and misunderstood easily.

• As a family, set up rules about how you deal with fights. Ensure fairness and listening to both sides is built into the plan.

• Be aware that they see how you manage conflict with your partner, other children, family members etc. Your model is so important.

• Always aim to problem solve. Invite both children to come up with ideas to resolve the matter and let them settle on a resolution where both needs are understood. Then check in later to see how it all went for both of them.

• Remember that sibling relationships will include at times feelings of jealousy. Bickering is common and often they feel resentful. It is all about sharing affection and feeling that you have a fair share of family love. Try to give individual time to each child. It is amazing what you learn and your child feels happier being personally connected to you.

• Pick the battles you think are necessary. Sometimes avoiding less significant issues means less conflict at home.

• Always remain calm and steady when a conflict breaks out! Your emotional reaction can easily inflame a situation.

• Try not to encourage competition between them. They are all different and celebrating differences is the key. Find time as a family to celebrate all their differences and make this a key feature of what you love about each of your children.

• Being fair does mean that what they get does not always have to be equal. Teach them that there are different reasons for giving each child what they need. Remember siblings are the people you practise on in becoming a full human.

• Plan family fun time together on a regular basis. This way, cooperation and happy moments together is valued in the family. When there is tension building with siblings, take them out for some exercise. Just breaking up those tense moments can defuse a situation. It’s all about being proactive and defusing potential conflict. Exercise is a great stress buster!

• If you are giving some consequences to a child, don’t make it public. Embarrassment and feelings of being inferior in front of others can build long lasting resentment.

Finally, the fact that sibling issues occur across their family lifetime gives them the opportunity to grow in understanding important lessons in life such as forgiveness, tolerance, patience, empathy etc. Your strong presence in providing a climate where they feel they are dealt with fairly will fuel their emotional and social intelligence. This will help them forge strong effective relationships where they can live cooperatively with others.

                     ‘Siblings: Your only enemy you can’t live without.’

                                                                                             Anonymous

A few thoughts about what your child wants from school this year

School is such an immense part of a child’s life as well as having a major impact on the whole family. Of course we expect it to be a time that fulfils many objectives including stimulating a child’s imagination and developing a love for learning. We have high expectations when our child steps into the school and we trust that the environment will be a good fit for our child.

What make a child happy when at school? This is important as we now happy students are motivated students.

• They need and want to be an active participant in class. This gives them credibility and a feeling of inclusion.

• A busy school with plenty of activities excites and stimulates a child to become actively involved. Schools should not be docile places.

• Every child needs to feel appreciated, to regularly have affirmation and acknowledgement for their efforts. No one copes well without feeling that they are capable of success and that they are recognised for their efforts by others that they value.

• Regular success feeds the desire to keep learning. A school that focuses on success is a winner.

• A child needs to be in relationship with other children. Developing friendships is critical to a child. Their social world is such an important part of their emotional growth. In a school setting, a child can have a powerful journey in building relationships over the years.

Here are some basic thoughts to aid and abet your child getting the best from school this year:

•      Listen well to what they have to say

•      Be available which may mean adjusting your busy schedule.

•      Be a parent and not a friend which at times may take you in a different direction.

•      Let them take ownership as much as possible independence is key to better learning.

• Talk about school regularly and postively so that it comfortably intertwines with family life.

• Remember that it is their school and their journey, which means at times you may need to step back and let them work through issues themselves.

• Read everything that comes home from school and talk about all the activities available. Show as much interest as you can in what your child is doing at school.

Finally, for your child to be happy and get the best from the school you need to a be a parent that presents a happy face and shows great pride in all their endeavours.

Good luck family in starting the new school year!

          ‘It’s one of my favourite seasons of the year: back to school.’

                                                                                       -Dana Perino