How to Help Your Child Keep Friends: Simple Tips for Parents
Friendships are a big part of growing up. They help kids feel happy, supported, and confident. But keeping friends takes effort, and it’s not always easy. With a little guidance from you, your child can learn how to build lasting friendships and navigate social ups and downs.
Friendships are one of the most important parts of childhood. They help kids feel happy, confident, and supported. But keeping friends isn’t always easy! As a parent, you can help your child build strong, lasting friendships with some simple but powerful steps.
1. Teach the Power of Listening
Encourage your child to really listen when friends talk. It shows they care and helps them understand what their friends are feeling. Practise listening at home, maybe during dinner, ask your child to tell you about their day, then listen without interrupting. The hard part is not to interrupt
2. Model Kindness and Respect
Kids learn a lot from watching you. Show kindness, say “please” and “thank you,” and handle conflicts calmly. When your child sees this, they’re more likely to treat their friends the same way. Children gravitate around calmer, less complicated children.
3. Encourage Sharing and Taking Turns
Playing fair and sharing toys or time helps friendships grow. Role-play sharing scenarios with your child, so they feel confident in real situations.
4. Help Your Child Express Their Feelings
Friends need to know how your child feels. Teach simple words for emotions like “happy,” “sad,” or “frustrated.” This helps kids communicate better and avoid misunderstandings.
5. Support Problem-Solving Skills
When friends disagree, it’s a chance to practice solving problems. Guide your child to find solutions like apologizing, compromising, or asking an adult for help if needed.
6. Create Opportunities to Socialize
Arrange playdates, encourage team sports, or join clubs. The more chances your child has to interact with peers, the easier it is to make and keep friends.
7. Respect Their Friendships
Sometimes kids choose friends who are different from what you expect. Listen and be open-minded, showing respect for their choices builds trust. It is their job to decipher the genuine friends from the not so genuine friends.
Final thought:
Friendships take effort, but with your support, your child can learn how to keep friends and enjoy happy, confident social connections that last. The more they mature, the better they become at choosing friendships wisely.
“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself”
What lifelong lessons do you want your child to adopt?
While we teach our children many valuable lessons throughout their formative years, some hold a special, lasting significance that will undoubtedly benefit them well into adulthood. Gail Smith wisely compiled a list of important beliefs and practical strategies on how to effectively impart them to your children.
There are many lessons we teach our children but there are some that will have a longer life and will be of much value if they adopt them when they are adults. For example, you may teach your child how to ride a bike but how does that compare to teaching them how to be a well-rounded person with strong values and a love for life.
Consider the following beliefs and maybe some may particularly resonate with you:
"You are loved unconditionally."
Lesson: No matter what happens, you are always loved and accepted for who you are.
How to teach: Show affection through words and actions daily. When they make mistakes, reassure them that mistakes don’t change your love for them. This creates emotional security.
"Your feelings are valid."
Lesson: It's okay to feel angry, sad, happy, or confused. All emotions are part of being human.
How to teach: Acknowledge and talk through their emotions without judgement. If they’re upset, say, "I see you're upset; it's okay to feel that way. Let's figure it out together."
"It's okay to fail; failure is how we learn."
Lesson: Failure is a natural part of life and leads to growth.
How to teach: Share your own failures and what you learned from them. Encourage them to try new things without fear of messing up. Praise their efforts, not just their success.
"Be kind to yourself and others."
Lesson: Self-compassion is just as important as being kind to others.
How to teach: Model self-kindness by speaking positively about yourself in front of them. Teach empathy by helping them understand how others feel and encouraging acts of kindness.
"You are enough just as you are."
Lesson: You don’t need to change to be worthy of love and respect.
How to teach: Regularly remind them of their worth. Say things like, "You are amazing just the way you are." Celebrate their unique traits and talents, reinforcing that they don't need to compare themselves to others.
"Challenges make you stronger."
Lesson: Difficulties and obstacles help you grow and build resilience.
How to teach: When they face a challenge, encourage them to keep going, reassuring them that struggles are part of life. Share examples of people who overcame adversity and how it shaped them.
"You always have choices."
Lesson: Even in tough situations, you have the power to choose how you respond.
How to teach: Give them choices from a young age, allowing them to make decisions and understand the consequences. Teach them that they can’t control everything, but they can control how they react.
"Take care of your mind and body."
Lesson: Your mental and physical well-being are interconnected, and both need care.
How to teach: Teach healthy habits like eating well, staying active, and practicing mindfulness. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and take breaks when overwhelmed.
"Be true to yourself."
Lesson: Follow your heart, and don’t live to please others.
How to teach: Encourage self-expression and support their interests, even if they are different from your own. Reinforce the idea that their happiness is not about pleasing others but about being authentic.
"Life is a journey, not a race."
Lesson: There’s no need to rush; it’s okay to move at your own pace.
How to teach: Avoid pressuring them to achieve milestones quickly. Help them appreciate the process of learning and growing instead of focusing solely on outcomes.
Simply use life experiences to teach the above lessons. There will be plenty of occasions along their journey to adulthood to test some of the beliefs above. Keep in mind that your example of how you live life will be an important guideline for your child especially if they see that you are happy in the choices you make.
“Every child deserves a champion- an adult who understands the power of connection and insists that they become the best that can possibly be.”
What lessons in life do you want to teach your children?
As parents, we teach our children countless lessons, but some hold a special significance in shaping their happiness and balance in life. The five lessons below are particularly important to instill, not through grand gestures, but through authenticity and sharing our everyday experiences. Ultimately, being truthful and genuine in our interactions with our children is the most powerful way to guide them.
There are many lessons we teach our children, but some should have more reticence than others for our children to have happy well-balanced lives. Consider the five lessons below and it may be worth reflecting on how we teach our children these lessons.
Kindness Matters
Lesson: Always treat others with kindness and respect, no matter the situation.
How Taught: You've modelled kindness in your own interactions, showing empathy and compassion in everyday situations, whether it's helping a neighbour or speaking politely to strangers.
Be True to Yourself
Lesson: Stay true to who you are, even when it's difficult. Your uniqueness is your strength.
How Taught: You've encouraged your child to pursue their passions and supported them in making choices that align with their values, even if those choices are different from the norm.
Learn from Mistakes
Lesson: Mistakes are part of life. Learn from them and keep moving forward.
How Taught: You've shared your own mistakes openly and discussed what you learned from them. You've also reassured your child that it’s okay to fail, as long as they try again.
Hard Work Pays Off
Lesson: Success comes from hard work and perseverance, not just luck.
How Taught: You've demonstrated a strong work ethic, whether through your job or personal projects, and involved your child in tasks that require effort and patience, showing them the value of dedication.
Take Care of Yourself
Lesson: Your well-being is important. Take care of your mind and body.
How Taught: You've prioritized self-care in your own life, whether through exercise, healthy eating, or taking time to relax. You’ve also encouraged your child to express their feelings and take breaks when needed.
It is amazing what a child takes into their life from their childhood. Your efforts need be no more than being authentic and sharing your life with your child. Best to make it worthwhile for both you and your child.
“Leave your child with memories of a happy, well-balanced childhood. It pays dividends for them in their older life.”
Speaking well to children
What we say and how we say it has such an impact on our child. Consider the following thoughts about the positive impact speaking well has on your child.
It’s amazing! What we say can have such an impact on our children. Our tone of voice, volume, even speed of speaking can send messages to our children. They are always looking for cues and clues in how you speak to determine how emotionally safe they are and to feel reassured. Consider the following thoughts about the positive impact speaking well has on your child.
When we use encouraging and positive words, it helps your child feel good about themselves. They grow up feeling confident and sure of who they are. Everyone likes and needs to hear positive talk about themselves.
Speaking kindly builds a beautiful bond between you and your child. It's like wrapping them in a warm, comforting hug. It helps them know they're loved and understood.
When we talk to them with love and respect, it creates a safe space for them to share their thoughts and feelings. In that space they will come to you more often, especially when anxious about matters.
Using gentle words helps them learn how to express themselves better. It's like giving them a key to open the door to clear and easy conversations. They will model your style of language and feel very comfortable in a style that is built around caring words.
When we use uplifting words, it's like planting seeds of confidence in their hearts. They start believing in themselves and become their own biggest fans. Personal self worth grows stronger around comfortable speech.
Fostering a Cozy Nest: Using gentle words wraps them in a cozy blanket of security and love. It's like creating a safe haven where they feel accepted and cherished.
Sowing Seeds of Kindness: By speaking with warmth, we teach them the power of kindness and respect. They grow to prefer that way of speaking and adopt it comfortably themselves.
How we talk to our children is a direct statement about how we value and respect them. When feeling unsure and unsettled try walking away and saying nothing until you are calmer. It makes such a difference to the outcome.
“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”
Six mini moments of joy and care to your child
Six ideas for giving mini moments of support and encouragement to your child.
Here are some ideas for giving mini moments of support and encouragement to your child. It is amazing how little encouragement along the way can make all the difference for your child. It doesn’t have to be long and protracted. It just needs to be spontaneous and joyful where the child feels happy, reassured and valued.
Getting Closer: Hugging and comforting your child help you become closer, like best friends. It makes them feel safe and close to you.
Understanding Feelings: When your child is sad or mad, talking to them and comforting them helps them understand and deal with their feelings better.
Feeling Awesome: Saying nice things about what your child does, even if it's a small thing, makes them feel great about themselves. It’s all about positive talk.
Being Kind: When you show kindness to your child, like helping them when they're hurt or upset, they learn to be kind to others too. This develops empathy and sympathy.
Growing Healthy: Giving your child healthy food, playing with them, and helping them learn new things helps them grow strong and smart.
Happy Memories: Doing fun things with your child, like reading stories, baking cookies, or playing games, creates happy memories that they'll remember when they're older. Best to make wonderful long-term memories that will be recounted in their adulthood.
In simple terms, being a good parent means showing love, being there, and doing fun things with your child every day. These little moments of care add up to help your child feel loved while growing up happy and strong. Make it a habit to find occasions to provide those mini moments of care. They will soon add up to a wealth of encouragement.
‘Building blocks of life can start with mini moments of giving joy to your child.’
-Gail J Smith
Simple suggestions to help build empathy and kindness in your child
Read the blog to find out how to build empathy and compassion in your child.
The difference you can make in how you teach and model empathy and kindness is amazing. See it as a way of life that is common practice in your family.
Be a good example: Show kindness and caring by helping others, like sharing toys with a sibling or comforting a friend who is sad.
Understand how others feel: Imagine how someone else might feel in a situation. For example, think about how a friend might feel if they didn't get invited to a party. Are you inclusive when you send out invitations? Share your feelings: Talk about your own emotions and encourage your child to express their feelings too. Let them know it's okay to feel happy, sad, or angry.
Listen and pay attention: When your child talks, give them your full attention. Show that you care about what they say by looking at them and responding kindly.
Do kind things for others: Encourage your child to do nice things, like saying "thank you" to their teacher or helping a classmate with a task.
Learn about different cultures: Read books or watch shows that teach about different ways of life. Talk about the traditions and customs of other cultures.
Solve problems without fighting: Help your child find solutions when they have a disagreement. Encourage them to listen to others, find common ground, and work things out peacefully. Teach them the powers of negotiation.
Talk about real-life examples: Have conversations about news stories or events that involve kindness and helping others. Discuss how they can make a positive difference too.
Stay positive: Encourage your child to see the good in people and situations. Talk about happy news or share stories of people being kind to each other.
Say "thank you" and be grateful: Teach your child to appreciate what they have and show gratitude. Encourage them to say "thank you" and be thankful for acts of kindness.
Help others in need: Encourage your child to lend a helping hand to those who need it. They can assist an elderly neighbour with carrying groceries, offer to walk a friend's dog when they're busy, or help a classmate with their schoolwork. Teach them how to notice where there is a need.
Apologise and forgive: Teach your child the importance of apologising when they have hurt someone's feelings. For example, if they accidentally break a friend's toy, guide them to say sorry and find a way to make amends. Also, encourage them to forgive others when they receive apologies, promoting empathy and understanding. Talk about what reconciliation is all about.
Stand up against bullying: Teach your child to be kind and compassionate by speaking up against bullying. Encourage them to support classmates who are being treated unkindly, be a friend to someone who is feeling left out, or report bullying incidents to a trusted adult.
These ideas give some suggestions as to how to build empathy and compassion in your child. Be spontaneous and look for occasions where you can build their awareness and sensitivity to others and the world around them.
‘A smile can brighten someone’s day and enlighten their spirits.
- Gail J Smith
Growing up in a generation where it is all about me
It is sad to say but our children are very much part of a generation where considering themselves as the all-important one is a feature of their life. Whilst there are sound factors in looking after yourself and putting yourself forward to ensure safety, improvement and ongoing development, it can at times come at the cost of thinking of others.
Our children are being moulded into their own generation and will model and develop ways and means of being, subject to the development of that culture. This is natural. What I am suggesting is to be a parental model that introduces the strong presence of compassion, unselfishness and gratitude into their life.
The more children see and live in the presence of such values they are more inclined to use them in their own experiences. The more they see their parents utilising these values in their own lives with others and themselves, they grow more inclined to model what they are taught.
Consider the following thoughts which offers some positive ways to present those virtues in the life of the child.
Do your children experience parental model that introduces the strong presence of compassion, unselfishness and gratitude into their life?
Talk openly about kind acts that you notice around you. Compliment your child when they demonstrate thoughtfulness to others. Encourage them to look for the generous spirit of others
“I was so impressed when I saw how your friend shared his toys.”
Many of the movies you share together as a family often carry simple messages about humility and gratefulness. Talk about these virtues as a family. Of course, you can teach a great deal through reading books together.
When you are working through problems with your child, consider how you are communicating with them and how you show compassion through their problems.
Do you become overwhelmed by the issue or do you discuss it with a calm disposition and a tolerance for mistakes?
Developing highly effective listening skills with your child is an excellent way to demonstrate that you are a calm and reasonable person who values their child.
Take care in choosing the right language when speaking to your children. Positive language that is consistent and reinforcing to the child is very important. Take care that inappropriate or indirect name-calling is not present.
When discussing situations with your child that may be on the news or perhaps issues that have happened at school always look to being compassionate in how you interpret the situation. Definitely stay away from the “blame game” and from talking inappropriately about a person. Here you are teaching your child that you respect the integrity of others even though the situation may be difficult.
When your child talks about their special needs here you can open up their thinking to think of others.
“I understand that you were hurt with rough play but I wonder if others also felt that pain?”
Sharing and collaborating are great skills to develop. Where possible teach your child to be inclusive and to reach out to others. Demonstrate this in your own life when dealing with others.
“Those chocolates look lovely that grandma gave you. Do you plan to share them with your friends?”
The idea here is to encourage thinking of others as more important in sharing in the pleasure than simply eating them alone.
When opportunities present invite people into your child’s life. This teaches them that sharing experiences has more joy in it than being in isolation.
Being inclusive with birthday parties, family social events etc. teaches your child to enjoy many and varied people.
In a world where children are exposed to so much stimulus and with so many messages about firstly looking after yourself, it is important to build a balance between selfcare and the care and awareness of others.
Sound modelling from inclusive parents provides a climate in which a child learns to see the world from a much broader perspective.
“It’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.”