Being a parent is a challenge but also an absolute joy
Six great strategies to help parents see the enjoyable side of parenting.
Parenting can be challenging, but it is also a fulfilling and enjoyable journey.
Here are six great strategies to help parents see the enjoyable side of parenting: The process needs to be enjoyed and savoured as a unique part of your life.
Practise Gratitude: Take time each day to reflect on the positive aspects of parenting. Focus on the moments that brought joy and fulfilment, no matter how small they may seem. When you look at your child feel gratitude that they are looking back at you!
Celebrate Milestones: Celebrate your child's milestones, big or small, and recognise your role in their growth and development. Whether it's their first steps, a good grade at school, or simply mastering a new skill, acknowledging these accomplishments can bring joy and pride to both you and your child. Take photos and keep mementos of special occasions. Keep the fire alive in celebrating all sorts of situations.
Spend Quality Time: Make an effort to spend quality time with your child doing activities you both enjoy. Engaging in fun and playful activities together creates positive memories and strengthens the parent-child bond. Quality time can be short or long but needs to be regular and become a normal part of family life. Be active with your quality time. Games and sports are a great way of enjoying each other.
Find Humour in Parenting: Parenting can be filled with many humorous moments, and finding humour in everyday challenges can lighten the mood. Laughing about the messy situations or innocent remarks your child makes, can turn potentially stressful situations into amusing anecdotes. The world of parenting is messy and comes with all sorts of challenges. Keep the world of parenting light and see the beauty and humour of simple things. There it will be found.
Connect with Other Parents: Building a supportive network of other parents can be a great way to share experiences, advice, and humour. You need not be alone. Join parenting groups, attend social events, or connect with parents in your community to feel a sense of camaraderie and understanding. Laugh at yourself and your parenting style from time to time. Everyone will parent differently and that is fine.
Self-Care for Parents: Taking care of yourself is essential for enjoying parenting. Ensure you get enough rest, engage in hobbies or activities you love, and don't hesitate to ask for help when needed. When parents are well-rested and emotionally fulfilled, they are more likely to appreciate the enjoyable moments of parenting. Take breaks where necessary and see them as a time of respite. For this, you will parent much better.
Being a parent is an active, changing business. It comes with challenges that can be turned into great moments of discovery and joy. Nothing ventured, nothing gained is true of parenting. You need to get in there hands and feet. Above all, enjoy the journey and keep reminding yourself of the preciousness of your role.
‘One of the greatest titles in the world is a parent, and one of the biggest blessings in the world is to have parents to call mum and dad.’
-Jim DeMint
Navigating the Emotional Roller coaster: Supporting Parents with Children at School
For some children, school can be challenging on many different levels. This blog aims to provide emotional support and practical strategies for parents to navigate the ups and downs of their children's school lives.
The journey of parenting can be a roller coaster of emotions, especially when it comes to supporting your children's experiences at school. As parents, we all want the best for our kids and wish to see them thrive in their academic and social lives. However, it is not uncommon to encounter various challenges that may leave us feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or even helpless.
This blog aims to provide emotional support and practical strategies for parents to navigate the ups and downs of their children's school lives. For some children and parents school can be a very challenging environment on many levels.
Understanding the Emotional Landscape of School Life:
Embrace the joy of seeing your child explore and learn new things at school, even though it may come with challenges like stress and anxiety.
Celebrate your child's bravery as they face peer pressure and academic demands, knowing that they will grow stronger through these experiences.
Remember, it's okay to feel a mix of emotions as a parent – from worry to pride – it shows how much you care about your child's well-being and success.
Effective Communication with Your Child:
Share laughter and light-hearted moments with your child when talking about their school life. A good sense of humour can bridge any communication gaps.
Rejoice in being a trusted confidante for your child, where they can freely share their frustrations and feelings about school.
Cherish those spontaneous moments when your child needs you, knowing that your attentive presence helps them navigate through their challenges.
Building Resilience in Your Child:
Celebrate your child's growth mindset and the positive attitude they develop towards learning and setbacks. Their resilience will lead them to greater achievements.
Embrace the joy of teaching your child coping skills like yoga, mindfulness, or deep breathing, knowing you're giving them valuable tools for life.
Witness the strength and resilience your child exhibits when facing stress and anxiety, and be proud of their ability to overcome obstacles.
Dealing with Academic Pressures:
Take pride in your child's efforts and progress, letting them know that their hard work is appreciated regardless of the outcome.
Find joy in striking a balance between supporting your child's academics and allowing them to grow independently, fostering their self-confidence.
Celebrate each step of improvement and acknowledge your child's accomplishments, boosting their self-esteem along the way.
Handling Social and Peer-Related Issues:
Find joy in being your child's pillar of support during friendship struggles, knowing you play a crucial role in their social development.
Celebrate the moments when your child shows empathy and inclusiveness, as they cultivate healthy social skills and create meaningful friendships.
Rejoice in the close connections you build with other parents and the valuable support network that helps normalize your concerns.
Coping with Transitions:
Treasure the joy of witnessing your child navigate significant transitions, like starting school or changing schools, and seeing them grow in adaptability.
Celebrate the milestones and graduations in your child's life, knowing that you've been there for them during every step of the journey.
Self-Care for Parents:
Embrace the joy of prioritising self-care, as it not only benefits you but also positively influences your child's emotional well-being.
Take pride in practicing self-care strategies that make you feel good and rejuvenated, allowing you to be the best version of yourself for your child.
Celebrate the moments when you find peace and balance in your life, it sets a positive example for your child's self-care habits.
Connecting with Other Parents and Support Networks:
Rejoice in the joy of finding a supportive network of fellow parents, where you can share experiences and find comfort in knowing you're not alone.
Celebrate the benefits of seeking professional support when needed, it shows your dedication to being the best parent you can be.
Parenting is a beautiful journey filled with ups and downs, and by embracing the joy of supporting your child emotionally through their school years, you create a nurturing environment for them to flourish and grow into confident, resilient individuals.
‘As your child grows and changes, you too grow and change as a parent. Embrace it.’
-Gail J Smith
Looking after yourself a key ingredient into coping
There is an old saying which says, “If mama isn’t right, the whole house isn’t right.” Here we mean that keeping yourself well and feeling mentally on top of things is critical for the mental health of the whole family. You, the parent is a major driver in the mental health of the family.
No pressure I hear you say loud and clear!
Here are some thoughts on keeping mentally healthy during these difficult times where we feel so unsettled and disillusioned by the news we hear on a daily basis about the pandemic.
Watch out for the triggers in your life that will unsettle you easily. We all have buttons once pressed that make us feel unhappy, angry disappointed, etc. If you can recognise those triggers then perhaps you can avoid them. This may mean some restructuring in your day, perhaps avoiding the news, conversations etc. When you think about it, there are occasions and situations that will bring you into an unsettled state. Seek out ways to avoid them. It could be as simple as not watching the news, reading the paper, not discussing the daily numbers with the virus, etc.
Take care not to blame yourself when things go wrong. This can happen easily when you are feeling down. For example, if your child doesn’t complete work online do not immediately see yourself as the bad parent. The more we see ourselves as the one to take the blame, the less capable we are to manage the situation effectively. Very quickly we begin to spiral down and only see the negative in situations. You are not the source of all problems and circumstances often outside your control dictate outcomes!
Try to focus on the positive. Today is sunny, this means Spring is coming and we can do more activities outside. Sometimes just reflecting on the simple positives just cheer you up. This does require developing a mindset that looks to the positive. When you start thinking that way you begin to have more gratitude for the good things around you and this shrinks negative feelings.
Be conscious of developing unhealthy coping skills. This can mean going to places and comfort zones that give us short term relief. Of course, alcohol would be in this category.
Think about what really works for you that makes you happy. Everyone is different in this area. Some people love yoga, others like to jog, cook, read, sew etc. The more you gravitate and feed your personal passions the better you feel.
Ensure you find yourself in situations where you get rewarded. It is important to hear affirmation from those around you. Of course, your children are a wonderful source of showing you how much they love you. Never underestimate the power of hearing positive talk about yourself. After all you are worth it!
Treat yourself to little indulgences. Some people love a bath, some enjoy a quiet time in the garden etc. Your personal space is very necessary to rejuvenate the spirit. If flowers make you feel happy, buy some each week.
Finally, talk to friends. There is nothing more enjoyable than simply having conversations with those that you value most in life.
Remind yourself that powers outside your control have led to our pandemic situation. We are just trying to create an environment that brings some light and joy into a difficult situation. However, in order to be a giver of joy, we must look after ourselves first in whatever way works for you.
“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.”
Don’t forget: You the career need nurture.
As we enter into our new norm, post coronavirus, how are you a parent and carer coping? There will be change all around us. Some we cannot control and other aspects we may have some control over. Think about how you are entering this new norm and ensure that it includes your wellbeing. The carer needs to be cared for.
Sometimes as a parent we go on overdrive to ensure that our children have all their needs met and this overdrive can make us quite irritable and out of sorts. Notice the signs in yourself as you get back to normal routines. Are you getting tired now that the situation has changed? Are you also getting enough sleep and personal space to ensure that you are as balanced as possible in how you manage your children?
In working with children and in meeting regularly with parents, it became very clear that a tired parent was not a good listener to their children and sometimes had feelings of being quite inadequate in their parenting. This often had a spiralling down effect and the child quickly picked up on the vulnerable state of the parent. This then fuelled anxiety in the child which sometimes manifested in very poor behaviour.
The more vulnerable and less satisfied the parent, the greater propensity for unsettled behaviour in the child.
Don’t forget. You matter too.
I hear you say that there is the plight of the parent.
Consider the following tips on keeping your own life in check which also includes a good dose of happiness.
In each day where does, the “you” time fit in? This could only be ten minutes but some personal time makes us all feel mentally rested.
Look at the balance of the week with all the timetable and activities set. Can anything change to make your life easier? Remember this may mean sacrificing some aspect of your child’s planned week. However, it is necessary to include your needs in the weeks.
It is important to let your child see how you value some personal time. Have this conversation with them:
“Today I will go to bed earlier as I need some time just to read my book. Please help with the clean up after dinner.”
Do you connect well with friends? Conversations between friends especially those in the same situation can remind you that you are all in a busy time of your life. Ensure that these are positive chats and not just ones to bring you down. Avoid the negative talk as it can be quite destructive.
Bring laughter into your life often. I know one woman that watches 30 minutes of the comedy show a day just to have a laugh and feel better. When you need to address issues with your child, consider how you feel, try to talk about matters when you are less tired and reactive.
Take a walk often. Even a short one around the neighbourhood. Fresh air lifts the spirit and creates some personal space.
Do you have a passion? It could be reading, jogging, the gym etc. Ensure that this is a regular part of your week and try not to reduce this precious time because of busy circumstances. Ensure you let the children know how important this time is to you.
Ensure that around the house are important objects that make you feel better. Photos are great. Flowers enlighten the day, cups of tea are easily accessible. Keep your running gear close at hand. It is all about ensuring the home also is your comfort station and not a working family space.
Catching up with friends for short intervals can also lift the spirits. It is amazing how short intervals of feeling better can generally improve your mood.
Leave messages around the house to remind you about things that are important to you. On the fridge mention your gym days. In the bedroom have your book etc. near the bed. Keep your runners near the door.
Giving yourself visual images of what is important to you, lift the spirit and raise the importance of the activity in the life of the family.
These thoughts are about ensuring that you matter. The more you raise the family’s awareness of the importance of having your special time, the more the family understands that care is for everyone and everyone feeds off each other’s care.
“Be there for others but never leave yourself behind.”