Supporting our Upper Primary Students: Encouraging Growth and Independence
Raising teenagers can be a challenge, here are some tips on how to encourage growth and independence.
Have you noticed your older primary child wanting more independence? Sometimes they demand it, other times they just take it! It's natural for them to seek more freedom and change how they respond to school. Socialising with friends becomes important as they build their identity. The upper primary years can be challenging as they go through puberty.
As a parent, you might wonder how to best support them during this time of change. Here are some simple ideas:
Listen attentively. They need to be heard, and what they say may be changing!
Focus on their learning, not just their work. Are they doing homework regularly, using the library, or talking about projects?
Help with school projects. Assist them in researching topics and discussing their work.
Use adult language. Respect their maturity by avoiding baby talk. Try using new words and have fun conversations.
Encourage trying new things. Suggest exploring different sports or activities.
Watch the news together and discuss it. They can understand more complex ideas now.
Talk about time management. As school demands increase, discuss how they plan and cope.
Promote balance between school and recreation. Show them how to maintain a healthy lifestyle by engaging in activities together.
Provide emotional support. Understand their changing emotions and be there for them. Stay in touch with their teacher too.
Remember, as your child grows, your role as a parent will change too. Be a loving and attentive presence and listen to their needs.
‘Though it's bittersweet to see your child grow up, celebrate their bright spirit as they prepare to spread their wings.’
-Gail J Smith
Are you ready for your child becoming a teenager?
Raising a teenager can be difficult. Read some parenting tips on how to strengthen your relationship with your teenager.
Maybe you have already seen some signs in your 10, 11 or 12 year old. Signs of adolescents can gradually creep into your child’s changing behaviour slowly, or with an almighty thud! Either way its best to know and understand the signs so that you, now the proud parent of a teenager, can adjust. Believe me, adjusting is necessary for your continued growth as a parent.
As your child becomes a teenager, parents will be challenged and of course there will be some moments of grief, realising that you have lost the child that seemed so vulnerable and needy. In fact you may struggle to recognise what they have become and especially if their attitude turns brittle and defensive. Fear not they all come out the other end as caring, young adults, just like the butterfly from the cocoon. However, you play a part in this transformation. So your adjustment and change in living and empathetically working with your emerging teenager is so necessary.
Think back to when you became a teenager. Did you have challenges with your parents? How were they handled? What would have helped you through that time? Do you have fond memories of those adults that listened and understood you?
Consider:
Becoming a teenager means that they will be more sensitive about what you say to them and how you speak to them. They are gradually discovering who they are and need your understanding in cutting them some slack when they say and do things that seem unacceptable to you. They are also very conscious about their looks, their weight and how their peers see them. They will be in and out of feeling good about themselves. Your gentle encouragement here and acceptance of their change is really needed. I would say tolerance is especially needed.
They are at an age where they want to be making their own decisions. Guide them in this. Be a negotiator with gradual authority going over to them. Include them in family plans. Invite their opinion and listen to suggestions they make. They need to feel credible and valued. Affirm their thoughts and sometimes consider giving way to some things that are important to you. There will be mistakes, but this is a time of learning and discovery.
Now that they are a teenager they will want and need their own space. They need to feel freer and less exposed to all the family, especially younger siblings. If it is possible to find some more space for them this would be helpful. Now is a time to recognise that they are individuals who want some privacy.
When having family discussions, try to be more inclusive of their opinions. Let them see that you appreciate their opinions and their ideas are considered when planning. This may mean having conversations that are considered a bit more for an adult without younger siblings present. The more your adolescent feels that you are making allowances for their maturation, the happier will be your relationship.
Give them space and don’t be surprised if you notice changes in how they think, what they believe in and who they now want to befriend. It is a time for sorting out and taking on new values etc. Be a listener and gently affirm their actions of course within reason. Never compromise your values, but you are showing that you are a reasonable person that is happy to accept change within reason.
Understand that differences will be evident and they will naturally want to reject some of your much loved values and beliefs. Be patient and whilst you still need to maintain your own credibility, show tolerance for the differences they are now presenting.
Finally there is an expression:
‘The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.’
In my experience the foundations you have set will be deeply entrenched overtime in your child. They may go through a period of rejection as they challenge what has been given to them. When they take on adulthood you may find your values repeated in their life. Maybe with a few modern twists thrown in.
‘Let go of preconceived notions and prejudices. Expect surprises; expect miracles.’
Michael Joseph