Parents can teach their children to make wiser choices.

As your child matures they begin to develop reasoning and start to reflect on a deeper understanding of what life and decisions are all about. As a parent you can encourage behaviour that will lead to your child valuing wiser decisions.

Consider the following:

Encourage Thinking Ahead

Parent: “Before you make a decision, try to think about what might happen next. For example, if you choose to stay up late playing games, you might be too tired for school the next day. What do you think is the best choice?”

• Lesson: Helps children develop foresight by considering the consequences of their actions.

Ask Questions, Don’t Just Give Answers

Parent: “What do you think will happen if you share your toy? How would you feel if someone did the same for you?”

• Lesson: Teaches them to evaluate situations from different perspectives rather than just reacting impulsively.

Teach the Power of Pausing

Parent: “When you feel unsure or upset, it’s okay to pause for a moment before making a choice. Taking a deep breath can help you think more clearly.”

• Lesson: Encourages emotional regulation and thoughtful decision-making, rather than acting on impulse.

Model Wise Decision-Making

Parent: “I was going to buy this thing, but then I realized we don’t really need it right now. I’ll wait until we save more money, and if we still want it then, I’ll get it.”

• Lesson: Children learn from observing how their parents weigh options and make responsible choices.

Give Them Controlled Choices

Parent: “You can choose to do your homework now and have free time later, or you can play now and have less time for fun later. What do you think is the better choice?”

• Lesson: Provides practice with decision-making and lets them experience the outcomes of their choices in a safe, controlled environment.

Discuss Past Decisions

Parent: “Remember when you didn’t wear a jacket last time and got cold? How will you choose differently today when it’s chilly?”

• Lesson: Reflecting on past decisions helps children connect past experiences to better future choices.

Teach Problem-Solving Steps

Parent: “When you have to make a choice, try to follow these steps: 1) Identify the problem, 2) Think of possible solutions, 3) Consider what might happen with each solution, and 4) Make your choice.”

• Lesson: Provides a framework for making informed decisions and builds confidence in their ability to think through problems.

Explain the Impact of Peer Pressure

Parent: “Sometimes friends might ask you to do something that doesn’t feel right. It’s okay to say no if you think it’s not a good choice for you.”

• Lesson: Helps them understand the importance of staying true to their own values and making independent choices, even under pressure.

These examples help guide children in learning to pause, think, and consider the consequences of their actions, leading to wiser decision-making over time.

Teaching wisdom from an early age will lead your child to make and want decisions based on clear thinking and planned decision making. This will help them cope better with the rigours of adolescence, peer group pressure etc.

“Be a wise parent and teach your child the value of making wise decisions.”

— Gail J Smith

Teaching children about the value of making good choices

We can all choose to make choices that can either hinder or enlighten our lives. For example you can choose to have a go or you can choose to not have a go. We should encourage our children to learn the difference and to understand that when we make those choices they can affect our life in different ways.

Who we are is a result of the choices we make.

Consider the following ideas about the impact on a child when they make their own choices:

Promotes Responsibility: When children learn that their choices have consequences, they develop a sense of accountability. They understand that choosing to work hard or make responsible decisions directly impacts their success and happiness.

Builds Self-Confidence: Allowing children to make choices reinforces their belief in their own abilities. Whether they succeed or fail, knowing that they had the power to choose builds confidence in their decision-making skills.

Fosters Independence: By making their own decisions, children learn to rely on themselves instead of always seeking approval or guidance from others. This fosters independence and helps them navigate life with more confidence.

Develops Critical Thinking: When children are taught to weigh the pros and cons of their choices, they develop critical thinking skills. They learn how to assess situations, predict outcomes, and make thoughtful decisions rather than impulsive ones.

Supports Emotional Growth: Understanding that they have control over their actions and thoughts (e.g. choosing to think positively) helps children manage their emotions. They learn that their choices can influence how they feel and respond to situations, which is key to emotional resilience.

These lessons empower children to shape their lives with intention and self-awareness. Don’t forget to affirm them when you see positive outcomes from choices they make themselves.

“The more a child experiences positive outcomes from making good choices, the more insight they develop about themselves.”

— Gail J Smith

Let’s look at conversations to have with your child

Here are five great conversation topics that parents can frequently discuss with their children to support mental health, foster a positive disposition, and reassure them of being loved. Frequent positive reminders are healthy ways to give a positive outlook to a growing child and to build emotional intelligence.

Emotions and Feelings

• Topic: "How are you feeling today? It's okay to have all kinds of emotions."

• Purpose: Encourage emotional expression and validation of feelings. This helps children understand that it’s normal to have a range of emotions and that their feelings are important.

• Reassuring Message: "No matter how you feel, I'm always here to listen and support you."

Self-Worth and Inner Strength

• Topic: "What do you think makes you special or unique?"

• Purpose: This encourages self-reflection and builds self-esteem by helping the child recognize their strengths, talents, and individuality.

• Reassuring Message: "You are amazing just the way you are, and I love you for who you are."

Challenges and Problem-Solving

• Topic: "What was something challenging today, and how did you handle it?"

• Purpose: Encouraging conversations about handling challenges reinforces resilience and problem-solving skills, helping children approach difficulties with a positive mindset.

• Reassuring Message: "No matter what happens, you’re strong, and I believe in your ability to get through tough times."

Gratitude and Positivity

• Topic: "What are three things you’re thankful for today?"

• Purpose: Fostering gratitude can shift the focus toward the positive aspects of life, promoting optimism and mental well-being.

• Reassuring Message: "Even when things are hard, there’s always something good, and I’m grateful to have you in my life."

Love and Belonging

• Topic: "What’s something fun we could do together soon?"

• Purpose: Strengthen the parent-child bond by focusing on shared experiences, making the child feel valued and connected.

• Reassuring Message: "You are always loved, no matter what, and spending time with you makes me happy."

Frequent conversations on these topics not only build a child's mental resilience but also provide the emotional security that they are loved and supported unconditionally. Every child needs reassurance and will from time to time need that extra reassurance that their world is fine.

“A parent’s positive reassurance is a life line to a child.”

— Gail J Smith

Lasting memories of a childhood

I remember Barbara, just stunning! I recently pulled her out of a dusty box that was labelled, ‘old goods’. How could that be? Barbara looked to me as fresh and alive as the day I met her. I was six and she was to be my companion doll for several long years, as I was an only child. Her bright blue eyes slowly opened and closed, Sometimes I carefully pulled down the heavy, thick dark eyelashes. I would think she was once again doing that all familiar wink and reassurance that she was there just for me.

I noticed her dress. It had been sewn together by my mother using scraps from a box. I remember thinking how clever it must have been to sew pieces of material together. They were from the factory in which my mother worked. She would often bring remnants of material home, and they all ended up in this one tall box.

Barbara seemed a little lighter than I remember her and sadly her left leg had come away from the plastic joint. I remember that had she visited a doll’s hospital to get that problem fixed or so I was told and I waited what seemed forever to get her home. She must have missed me terribly. I also had a memory flash of times when Barbara and I would have tea parties with my cat on the lawn. Strange isn’t it, as I now have allergies to cats. I wondered when I stopped liking them as I find them now a menace to my health.

Memories started to flow of times when Barbara and I would chat about who, where and what was in my small world. A few broken lines from songs came to mind, that as a child I sang, long since forgotten. At least they were a remnant of happy songs which now have faded into obscurity. It wasn’t an easy childhood, but Barbara was always there. She seemed to wear that same reassuring look and would on occasion with my encouragement, by pulling down her eyelash, give me a wink.

These scattered memories took me into a happy, secure place and reminded me, that as a child, we take with us various images that can still play a small part in our older life. Thanks Barbara! I will now show my appreciation by placing you on a shelf where I can glance at you occasionally when I have those darker moments. I know you will be a stable, secure influence that I take from my somewhat disheveled childhood. You will always have those bright, red cheeks and your hair will look so smart, not a wave out of place. I like that idea of stillness and stability.

I wonder what all our children today will take with them into adulthood.As parents, we help in creating some of those lasting images and in every child. I hope they find their Barbara.

What lessons in life do you want to teach your children?

There are many lessons we teach our children, but some should have more reticence than others for our children to have happy well-balanced lives. Consider the five lessons below and it may be worth reflecting on how we teach our children these lessons.

Kindness Matters

• Lesson: Always treat others with kindness and respect, no matter the situation.

• How Taught: You've modelled kindness in your own interactions, showing empathy and compassion in everyday situations, whether it's helping a neighbour or speaking politely to strangers.

Be True to Yourself

• Lesson: Stay true to who you are, even when it's difficult. Your uniqueness is your strength.

• How Taught: You've encouraged your child to pursue their passions and supported them in making choices that align with their values, even if those choices are different from the norm.

Learn from Mistakes

• Lesson: Mistakes are part of life. Learn from them and keep moving forward.

• How Taught: You've shared your own mistakes openly and discussed what you learned from them. You've also reassured your child that it’s okay to fail, as long as they try again.

Hard Work Pays Off

• Lesson: Success comes from hard work and perseverance, not just luck.

• How Taught: You've demonstrated a strong work ethic, whether through your job or personal projects, and involved your child in tasks that require effort and patience, showing them the value of dedication.

Take Care of Yourself

• Lesson: Your well-being is important. Take care of your mind and body.

• How Taught: You've prioritized self-care in your own life, whether through exercise, healthy eating, or taking time to relax. You’ve also encouraged your child to express their feelings and take breaks when needed.

It is amazing what a child takes into their life from their childhood. Your efforts need be no more than being authentic and sharing your life with your child. Best to make it worthwhile for both you and your child.

“Leave your child with memories of a happy, well-balanced childhood. It pays dividends for them in their older life.”

— Gail J Smith

Be Present for your child. It supports their mental Health

Being present for your child is one of the most impactful things you can do as a parent.

Here are five outstanding reasons why your presence is crucial, particularly for your child’s mental health:

Emotional Security and Trust

• When parents are consistently present, children feel secure knowing that they have a reliable support system. This sense of security forms the foundation for trust, which is essential for healthy emotional development.

• Mental Health Impact: A secure attachment with parents reduces anxiety and stress, fostering resilience and emotional stability.

Building Self-Esteem

• Parental presence, through active engagement and positive reinforcement, helps children develop a strong sense of self-worth. They feel valued when their parents show interest in their thoughts, feelings, and activities.

• Mental Health Impact: High self-esteem is closely linked to lower rates of depression and anxiety. Children who feel good about themselves are more likely to take on challenges and develop healthy social relationships.

Role Modelling Positive Behaviour

• Children learn by observing their parents. When parents are present, they can model positive behaviours such as empathy, patience, and problem-solving skills, which children are likely to emulate.

• Mental Health Impact: Positive role modelling helps children develop healthy coping mechanisms and social skills, reducing the likelihood of developing mental health issues related to poor interpersonal relationships.

Supporting Emotional Expression

• Being present allows parents to create a safe space for their children to express their emotions. When children know they can share their feelings without judgement, they learn to process emotions in a healthy way.

• Mental Health Impact: This open communication reduces the risk of emotional repression, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges later in life.

Enhancing Cognitive Development

• Active involvement in your child’s learning and development—through play, reading, or helping with homework—stimulates their cognitive growth. It also encourages a love for learning and curiosity.

• Mental Health Impact: Cognitive stimulation and a positive learning environment reduce stress and anxiety related to school and social pressures. This, in turn, promotes a healthier mental state and a more positive outlook on life.

You can be present with your child in many and varied ways. It does not require perfection but simple healthy, regular engagement with your child nourishes their spirit and sense of well being.

“Enjoy the moments with your child. They become hours, days and fruitful years.”

— Gail J Smith

Encouraging your child to write well

Some children find writing a difficult task. They seem to feel blocked and struggle to start stories and certainly struggle to continue with them. Parents can help by providing some stimulating activities for their child to do that are not difficult but can motivate a child to write.

 Consider:

• Encourage Daily Journaling: Suggest that your child keep a daily journal. Writing about their day, feelings, or even imaginary stories can help them practise and improve their writing skills regularly.

•  Read Together Regularly: Expose your child to a variety of writing styles by reading together. Discuss the books, focusing on how different authors use language, structure their stories, and create vivid descriptions.

• Use Writing Prompts: Provide fun and engaging writing prompts to spark their creativity. Prompts like "Imagine you have a superpower for a day. What would you do?" can make writing exciting and less of a chore.

• Play Word Games: Engage in word games like Scrabble or Boggle. These games can expand vocabulary and improve language skills in a playful and interactive way.

• Incorporate Technology: Use writing apps and websites designed for kids. Programs like Grammar for Kids or fun writing games online can make writing more engaging and educational. Talk to your child’s teacher about what they would recommend.

• Write Letters: Encourage your child to write letters to family members, friends, or even pen pals. Writing letters can be a fun way to practise different writing and communication styles.

• Create a Family Newspaper: Start a family newspaper where everyone contributes articles, stories, or comics. This can be a collaborative project that makes writing a shared and enjoyable activity.

• Provide Constructive Feedback: When reviewing your child’s writing, offer positive feedback along with gentle suggestions for improvement. Focus on specific aspects, like adding more descriptive words or varying sentence structure.

• Use Visual Aids: Encourage your child to create storyboards or mind maps before writing. Visual planning can help them organise their thoughts and improve the overall structure of their writing.

• Set a Writing Example: Share your own writing with your child. Show them drafts, edits, and final versions to demonstrate the writing process and the importance of revision and improvement.

• Start A Sentence: Make it a game. You start a sentence, and they finish it. “Yesterday I found an interesting rock. It was……”

• Play with Reading Books: When you are reading a book occasionally stop. Let them see that the written word has power and invite your child to change the story. Perhaps they could suggest a different ending.

Have plenty of books and magazines around the house and occasionally read little segments from them out loud. A child's imagination will be enlivened when they begin to talk about their passions and interests. When they start to be motivated about something, encourage them to write about it. Let them see that the written word has power.

“When we write, we feel, see and hear the words.’

 -Gail J Smith

Why it is important to monitor the mental health of your child

It is such a complicated world now that we are always in the throws of social media etc. There is much for our children to absorb and to learn. We know that keeping our children happy and feeling secure in the early years is critical to building mental stamina.

The following thoughts remind us of the importance of being aware of how your child is handling their mental health.

Good mental health in the early years can:

• Prevent Anxiety and Depression: Early monitoring helps identify signs of anxiety and depression, allowing for timely intervention and reducing long-term impacts.

• Promote Academic Success: A mentally healthy child is more focused, engaged, and motivated in school, leading to better academic performance.

• Encourage Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Regular check-ins teach children how to manage stress and emotions, fostering resilience and emotional intelligence.

• Strengthen Parent-Child Connection: Being attentive to a child's mental health builds trust and opens lines of communication, making children more likely to share their feelings.

• Reduce Risk of Substance Abuse: Monitoring mental well-being can help prevent negative behaviours, such as substance abuse, that children might turn to as coping mechanisms.

• Support Long-Term Well-being: Ensuring good mental health in childhood sets the foundation for a happier, more balanced adult life, with fewer mental health issues.

Of course we do not live in a perfect world and from time to time your child will be challenged on various levels especially socially and emotionally. Simply be there, understand, listen well and together find solutions to problems. That kind of nurture builds resilience and reassurance in children.

“Tears fall for a reason and they are your strength not weakness.”

— Charlie Mackesy

Keep yourself well and healthy as a parent

We focus so much on our children that it is easy to forget the importance of our own well being as the parent. We owe it to ourselves to consider our well being as critical in being the best parent possible.

The more we feel well and mentally fit the greater capacity we have to parent our children well and be happy in the process.

Consider:

• Emotional Availability: When parents take care of their mental and emotional health, they are better equipped to be emotionally available for their children. This means they can provide the support, empathy, and understanding that children need to feel secure and loved, fostering strong emotional bonds and a stable home environment.

• Enhanced Patience and Resilience: Parenting can be challenging and demanding. Parents who maintain their well-being have greater patience and resilience, enabling them to handle stress, conflicts, and the inevitable ups and downs of parenting with a calm and composed demeanour. This helps in creating a peaceful and nurturing atmosphere at home.

• Preventing Burnout: Parenting is a full-time job that can lead to burnout if self-care is neglected. Prioritising personal well-being helps parents recharge and avoid the physical and emotional exhaustion that can come from constantly putting others' needs before their own. This ensures they have the energy and enthusiasm to engage fully with their children.

• Improved Problem-Solving and Decision-Making: A healthy mind and body contribute to better cognitive functioning. Parents who look after their well-being are more likely to make sound decisions and solve problems effectively, whether it's navigating everyday challenges or making important choices about their children's education, health, and future.

When we feel well and happy we tolerate more, see humour in life and enjoy and savour what is around. To get the best of being a parent, keep your well being at the forefront of your mind.

“A happy parent gives themselves a high priority.”

— Gail J Smith

Keep A Look Out For Signs Of Stress In Your Child

We live in a world where we intermittently check in on our children's mental health. The pressures through social media and other youth-driven challenges alert us to the need to be vigilant. Below are some known triggers that can be a sign of unacceptable stress in your child. Some stress is normal, and we live with it, finding ways to work it through our life. However, when stress is out of control, we need to intervene.  Occasionally tap into your child's well-being index by checking in to these signs:

Changes in Sleep Patterns

Difficulty falling or staying asleep or frequent nightmares can indicate stress. Conversely, a child may sleep excessively to escape stressful feelings.

Behavioural Changes

Increased irritability, mood swings, or withdrawal from family and friends can be signs of stress. A usually outgoing child becoming withdrawn or a calm child suddenly acting out can be indicators.

Physical Symptoms

 Complaints of headaches, stomachaches, or other unexplained physical symptoms can manifest as stress. These symptoms often occur without a medical cause and can be recurring.

Academic Performance

 A sudden drop in grades, lack of interest in school, or difficulty concentrating on schoolwork can be signs of stress. Stress can impact cognitive functions and overall academic engagement. Always check first with the teacher.

Changes in Eating Habits

Noticeable changes in appetite, such as eating much more or much less than usual, can be a response to stress. This includes skipping meals or binge eating.

Regression to Earlier Behaviours

 Reverting to behaviours typical of a younger age, such as bed wetting, clinginess, or thumb-sucking, can indicate that a child is experiencing stress and is seeking comfort.

 Frequent Crying

A child who cries easily or often without a clear reason may be experiencing stress. This can be a way for them to release pent-up emotions.

Avoidance Behaviours

 A child might try to avoid certain situations or activities that they previously enjoyed, or that are typical for their age group. This could include avoiding school, social events, or specific tasks.

Increased Dependency

 A stressed child may become more clingy or dependent on their parents or caregivers, seeking constant reassurance and comfort.

Excessive Worrying or Fearfulness

Persistent worry about various aspects of their life, including school, family, or friends, can be a sign of stress. This might manifest as asking repetitive questions about upcoming events or expressing fears that seem disproportionate to the situation.

When you build a relationship that is open and honest with your child, you will find that your child is more willing to talk to you about their feelings of stress. The above thoughts are just a guiding tool to raise your awareness of symptoms of unacceptable stress that may appear in your child from time to time.

 The stress your child feels will be lightened by your ever loving and understanding presence.  -Gail J Smith

Keep An Eye On Your Child's Mental Health

From time to time check in on your child's mental health. Situations can change quickly for a child such as school issues, friendships etc and parents need to notice if there are shifts in their child's behaviour or general mood. A child's life is very fluid and we need to swim with them in the shifting emotional waters where there are ebbs and flows throughout the years. 

Consider:

Early Detection of Issues:

Why it matters: Just like physical health, early detection of mental health issues can lead to more effective treatment.

Example: If a parent notices their child is unusually withdrawn or anxious, addressing it early can prevent more serious issues like depression or anxiety disorders. Be alert to changed moods.

Impact on Academic Performance:

Why it matters: Mental health significantly affects a child's ability to learn and perform in school.

Example: A child struggling with undiagnosed ADHD or anxiety may have trouble focusing or completing homework, leading to poor grades and low self-esteem. Poor performance can have a lot to do with diminishing self-confidence.

Social Development:

Why it matters: Healthy mental well-being is essential for developing strong social skills and forming healthy relationships.

Example: A child with unmanaged social anxiety might struggle to make friends or interact with peers, affecting their social development. Shifts in friendship groups can also impact their emotional well-being and inability to manage bullying.

Preventing Harmful Behaviours:

Why it matters: Unaddressed mental health issues can sometimes lead to harmful behaviours, such as substance abuse or self-harm.

Example: Recognising signs of distress and providing support can steer a child away from coping mechanisms that can be harmful in the long run. Keep an eye on eating patterns as eating disorders can become serious mental health issues.

Building Resilience:

Why it matters: Understanding and managing mental health from a young age helps children develop resilience, which is crucial for coping with life's challenges.

Example: Teaching children healthy coping mechanisms and emotional regulation skills can prepare them to handle stress and adversity more effectively as they grow.

A major foundational tool in preventing mental health issues is building in a child a strong sense of self-worth. Being parents who listen well to their children, place no judgement on them and affirm them regularly in a loving way strengthens their sense of self-worth.

Little by little affirm those little successes you see each day in your child. Those little successes become strong foundational blocks for building a pyramid of emotional well being.

 -Gail J Smith

Information every parent should know about their child's school

Every school is different. The culture is different and how a school thinks and operates varies. As a parent, keeping in touch with your child's school, is the key to getting the best from the experience. Here are some ideas facts that you should consider so that you understand and gain a rich experience from the school as a parent.

• Know the daily schedule, including start and end times, and keep track of important dates like holidays, parent-teacher conferences, and special events.

• Understand what subjects are being taught and any key projects or assignments your child will have throughout the year. Teachers will publish all these details often early in the year.

• Get to know your child’s teachers, their teaching styles, and how to contact them for any concerns or questions. Every teacher will have a different style and knowing them will help you understand what they have to say.

• Familiarize yourself with the school’s policies on attendance, discipline, homework, and dress code. A school will always rely on their major policies especially when things go wrong.

• Learn about the extracurricular options available, such as sports teams, clubs, and arts programs, and encourage your child to participate.

• Be aware of any support services the school offers, like counselling, special education, tutoring, and health services.

• Find out how you can get involved, whether through volunteering, joining the PTA, or attending school board meetings. There are many day events across the year and perhaps tapping into these occasions will give you more awareness of school life.

• Know how the school communicates with parents (emails, newsletters, apps) and stay updated on any announcements or alerts.

• Understand the school’s safety protocols, including procedures for emergencies, lock downs, and how they handle bullying.

• Learn about the school’s culture, values, and any unique programs or initiatives they have to support student development.

• Know the details of your child's transportation options, including bus routes, pick-up/drop- off times, and safety rules.

Schools are complex places but when you feel connected to the school, doors are open a lot easier and your knowledge of school life will ease your anxieties when unhealthy rumours spread. It is simply a matter of being in touch across the year and together with your child, enjoying the experience of learning.

“Your child’s school should be a happy learning space for yourself as well as your child.”

— Gail J Smith

Listening to your child is important for many reasons

We know that our children are so influenced by social media that draw them away from connecting to the family. It therefore makes sense to be an effective listener with your child as they will show more interest in being around you if you are prepared to listen. Here are some strong reasons to keep yourself well in tune with your child.

• Listening shows you care, building trust and a strong bond with your child.

• When you listen, kids open up more about their lives. They are really grateful that you listen.

• Catch issues early by paying attention to what your child says. Give them time to do their talking.

• Kids feel valued and confident when they know you’re listening. Therefore they are more inclined to keep up that habit as they grow older.

• Listening helps kids understand and express their feelings better. This is great for nurturing good mental health.

• Show them how to be good listeners and communicators by doing it yourself.

• Listening helps kids feel supported, empowering them to solve problems. If they feel supported they will keep returning for a chat.

• Kids learn better when they know their thoughts are heard and valued.

• Quality listening time builds happy, memorable moments together. You discover a lot about your child through listening.

When a child grows up around parents that really take the time to listen to their child, they feel their views are valued and feelings of self worth grow. This will become a very healthy pattern for a child to go to their parents when they need to talk.

“The first duty of love is to listen.”

— Paul Tillich

As a parent be involved in your child's school.

Here are several effective ways for parents to ensure excellent communication and involvement in their child's school life. The more you learn about your child's school life, the happier your child will be feeling that their school is seen by you as important.

• Regularly attending scheduled parent-teacher conferences to discuss your child's progress and address any concerns is important in being connected to the school.

• Offer to help with school events, field trips, or in the classroom to stay engaged and understand the school environment better. This is a great way to get to know the staff more informally who are teaching your child.

• Become a member of the Parent-Teacher Association or school council to stay informed and contribute to decision-making processes. Here you can have an input into school policy and curriculum development.

• Actively use school communication platforms such as emails, apps, or newsletters to stay updated on school news and your child's activities. You can always make an appointment to see your child's teacher when concerned about matters.

• Set up regular informal check-ins with your child's teacher to monitor academic and social progress. This can be casual or more formal. A spontaneous chat with the teacher can make a lot of difference in easing tensions etc.

• Set up a consistent homework routine and offer help when needed, showing interest in your child's schoolwork. Remember homework set by the teacher is the responsibility of the school. If a child is struggling with homework demand then contact the teacher.

• Go to school programs, assemblies, and performances to show support for your child's extracurricular activities. Your presence will become a powerful statement at the school.

• Attend workshops or seminars offered by the school to better understand educational methods and child development. The more comfortable you are with educational matters the easier it is to be an active member at the school.

• Get involved in school fundraisers and community events to support the school's resources and network with other parents. You learn a lot about the school culture by participating in events.

• Talk to your child daily about their school experiences, listen to their concerns, and celebrate their achievements. In this way they know that you are genuinely interested in them.

Your child spends many hours per week at school. It will become a consuming part of their life. By sharing their journey at school you are reinforcing the value of formal learning and supporting their emotional and intellectual growth that will be immensely influenced by the school environment. For that reason, you need to be part of that experience.

“A parent who engages well with the school, gains so much more enjoyment of their child.”

— Gail J Smith

Developing good mental health in your child

We hear much about the importance of strengthening our children's mental health. We understand that in childhood there are certain cues that can activate positive thoughts about themselves. Here are some suggestions to strengthen your child's mental health on those sensitive early years.

Consider:

• Be a talkative family that likes to openly discuss everything. Do this from an early age. They need to feel they can talk to you about their problems.

• Demonstrate healthy ways to cope with stress and emotions, as children often

  mimic their parents. Look more on the brighter side of life when working

  through problems.

• Provide structure with consistent daily routines to create a sense of stability

  and security.

• Help your child build strong, supportive friendships and connections with

  family members. Let them invite friends into your house. Accept all their

  friends they will come and go over the years.

• Encourage regular exercise, which can boost mood and overall mental well-

  being. Join them in games and physical exercise.

• Introduce simple mindfulness exercises or relaxation techniques to help your

  child manage stress. This can be done as a routine with the family. Make it an

  enjoyable time together.

• Monitor and limit the amount of time your child spends on screens to ensure

  they engage in diverse activities. Leading an active family life will help cut

  down this time.

• Support your child in exploring and developing their interests and talents. Show interest in their passions and hobbies no matter how unusual they may

  seem to you.

• Acknowledge and praise your child's efforts and achievements to build their

  self-esteem. Find the time to catch them when they are good even over small

  deeds.

• Spend quality time with your child, showing that you are there for them and

  interested in their lives. Always keep promises that you will follow up with

  conversations.

When a child lives in an environment that gives them the scope to express themselves in different ways they learn to be creative which is such a stress buster and a wonderful way to nurture good mental health.

“The foundation to good mental health in a child is to feel safe and happy in themselves.”

— Gail J Smith

Ten Steps to more effective parenting

Here is a checklist to help you reflect on some good parenting habits. As parents we are not perfect and sometimes changing life situations have a way of limiting our ability to do our best. However, it is worth checking in to see how you can from time to time improve on your parenting style. You will probably surprise yourself that you are doing a great job!

Consider:

• Always keep up boosting your child’s sense of self-worth. They need to feel valued. If it comes from you it is special.

• Notice the times when you can reward them. We call this catching them when they are good. This can be for little things, ‘How clever you are to open that box. It seems tightly sealed.’

• Setting boundaries are important. A child feels safer with boundaries and needs to be clear with the directions you give them. Try not to overload them with too many directions and instructions.

• Always find time for your child. They grow quickly but need your constant presence in their life especially when they are young.

• Your image with your child is critical if you want them to follow your values. Your modelling will have a big impact on how they see and interpret the world.

• Always work hard to make communication a key feature of your relationship. Find the time to talk to them and listen with sensitivity to what they have to say.

• As a parent you will need to be flexible and open to frequent changes. A child’s life is not static and prepare to grow yourself as a parent over the years.

• To show that your love is unconditional having a strong and constant presence in their life is so important. You will, from time to time be disappointed but your love does not come with conditions.

• Try to introduce some regular patterns into family life. This could be the ritual of a family meal together, reading at bed time etc. Children find ritual comforting.

• Try to be a positive person. We know that sound mental health can be directly linked to having a positive disposition. A child feels more secure around a happy parent.

• Try not to make judgements too quickly when your child talks to you about challenging situations. They need to feel safe talking to you without feeling that you will disapprove.

All our children ask of us is to be the best we can. That means being authentic, accepting your mistakes and treating them with the dignity and care that you wish for yourself.

“Parenthood... it’s about guiding the next generation and forgiving the last.’”

— Peter Krause

Valuable resources for mastering effective communication with your child

In the rush of the busy day, we sometimes talk to our children in short sharp bursts. This can be frustrating for the parent and the child, both struggling to be heard and to have their needs met. It is no wonder that we become irritated when we don't get an answer or we feel no one is listening.

Here are some helpful skills that we can use to support a child who needs to be heard. Acquiring these skills can significantly enhance the quality of our conversations.

• When a child starts talking and you feel it is important to listen, then attending is a key skill to learn. This involves really being with the child, making appropriate eye contact, being still and focusing on what they have to say. This is all about using the right body language to let your child know that you are really listening. Here you give your total attention to the child.

• Silence is a wonderful tool in showing your child that you are really listening. This means no interruptions to their talk and passively hearing what they have to say. Silence can be very powerful in communicating. It is especially helpful if the child is upset, angry or anxious.

• As the child talks in order to let them know you are truly listening you can give head nods or perhaps mutter for example, ’Hmm, Really, Yes.” This gives them ongoing reassurance that you are listening and not making any judgements on what they have to say.

• Encourage them to keep talking. ‘Would you like to talk more about that?’ This is indicating that you are there to listen and you want them to have every opportunity to talk for as long as they feel necessary. This is very helpful to young children who find it hard to articulate what they have to say.

• If you feel your child needs the time to be heard, find a suitable place to have the conversations. Distractions, noise etc. can stop their flow of conversation leading to disappointment and frustration.

• Keep to the same level as your child instead of towering over them. This makes them feel that you are genuinely listening.

• Have a positive disposition as they talk. This may mean smiling and reassuring them that their feelings are valued.

• When talking back use a gentle tone of voice where the child feels that there is no judgement or disappointment.

• Finally, you can use active listening. This is picking up on what they see and repeating the essence of their conversation. ‘You said that when you fell on the school yard you felt so sad.’ Picking up the essence of their talk and especially the emotion will give them fuel for talking back with more information.

To help your child after they have disclosed something important and you have listened well, be clear in what you have to say, be correct in your response and always show compassion. In this way you develop trust.

“If you respect your child, then listen to what they have to say.”

— Gail J Smith

The best way to influence your child is through modelling

When you build a strong relationship with your child you have a greater capacity to influence them in a healthy way. This is such a positive way of effectively passing on your values and beliefs in a safe and reliable way. Children particularly model after admired adults. Think about your childhood. Were you strongly influenced by adults that you admired and respected?

Let’s consider why modelling is such an effective way of influencing our children without using power or other means that certainly don't have a long life.

• There are few risks in damaging your relationship with your child. By modelling what you believe in you are not directly or adversely attempting to change the child. You are just being yourself.

• Your modelling is how you live and what you value. The child can see how happy it makes you and how you enjoy living by your standards.

• When you model some behaviour that puts you in a certain direction it demonstrates your convictions. For example, if you believe in a clean house, a clear message is being sent to your child that cleanliness is important in your life.

• Being credible is important. Sticking by your convictions sends a very clear message to your child that being rock solid in beliefs is important.

• The effects of modelling may take years. Be patient with your child, who will want to experiment with change along the way.

• The advantage of modelling is that you are not using power to influence your child. You are just demonstrating that how you live is an acceptable way to operate. In this way your relationship continues to grow. The use of power can result in the rejection of you as a model.

• Modelling is all about the longer-term effect for the child. You want them to reflect positively on your model when they are adults making their own decisions. Of course, being another generation there may be a few twists and turns to your influences but none the less they will be useful if valued.

• Modelling well is not about being perfect. Just be authentic around your child. They know our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. What they observe is how we handle them.

Finally, never underestimate your capacity to influence your child in the longer term. However, once we use power to exercise and influence, we can damage our relationship and cloud our ability to be of value to your child.

“Be yourself, true and honest to your child. That makes them feel safe and happy.”

— Gail J Smith

Nurturing a Growth Mindset in Your Child

In simple terms this is all about encouraging positivity and a belief in your child’s ability to be an achiever.

Consider the following:

• Explain to your child the concept of a growth mindset versing a fixed mindset, highlighting the importance of believing in one's ability to improve through effort and practice.

• As a parent celebrate when your child tackles a difficult task or shows resilience in the face of challenges. Let them see that effort is rewarding.

• As the parent, help your child re frame statements like "I can't do this" to "I can't do this yet," emphasizing the idea of growth and progress over time. It’s about never say never.

• As the parent model a growth mindset in your own life. Share stories of your own challenges and successes, demonstrating perseverance and a positive attitude towards learning.

• Parents can provide constructive feedback to their child that focuses on effort, progress, and specific actions rather than fixed traits or abilities. Use phrases like, "I noticed you worked really hard on that" or "What strategies did you try?"

• Set realistic, achievable goals that align with your child’s interests and abilities. Involve your child in the goal-setting process and celebrate milestones along the way. All goals should be reasonable.

• Provide a supportive home environment that encourages exploration, curiosity, and a love for learning. This could include having a designated study space, providing access to educational resources, and engaging in activities that foster creativity and critical thinking.

• Re frame mistakes as valuable learning opportunities rather than failures. Discuss strategies for helping your child learn from their mistakes, such as problem-solving, reflection, and seeking help when needed. Making mistakes is a human process.

• Celebrate your child's growth and progress, no matter how small. This could involve creating a growth mindset journal where children document their achievements and areas of improvement or holding a "growth mindset celebration" to recognize efforts.

• Offer consistent support, encouragement, and reassurance to your child as they navigate challenges and strive for growth. Not everything will be perfect but their efforts are given much encouragement.

As your child grows they need to grow with a positive mindset where there is much personal belief and a sense that all is possible.

“Courage to continue matters more than success or failure”

— Winston Churchill

Build self confidence in your child. You can make a big difference.

Never underestimate the difference you can make for your child’s self confidence. Your child trusts your judgement and above all believes in you as their mentor and life support. They take what you say very seriously and need your reassurance. Here are some examples of how to keep up the important role of boosting their self confidence.

• Encourage your child to celebrate their achievements, no matter how small. Whether it's mastering a new skill, completing a task independently, or showing kindness to others, take the time to celebrate their successes.

• Provide specific and genuine praise for your child's efforts and accomplishments. Instead of just saying "good job," highlight what they did well and why it matters. They need to understand why they are receiving the praise, so label it.

• Teach your child to use positive self-talk by affirming their strengths and abilities. Tell them how you like to hear them talk about their achievements out loud.

• Help your child set realistic goals that they can work towards. Break larger goals into smaller steps and celebrate each milestone. This helps build a sense of accomplishment and confidence. Also they need to receive regular reassurance especially younger children.

• Encourage your child to take healthy risks and step out of their comfort zone. Whether it's trying a new activity, speaking up in class, or making new friends. Teach them that making mistakes is part of life.

• Give your child opportunities to make decisions and choices independently. Whether it's choosing what to wear, what to eat for snack, or what game to play, they will be more personally satisfied and more engaged in activities etc. if they take responsibility.

• Teach your child resilience by helping them bounce back from setbacks and failures. Encourage them to learn from mistakes, problem-solve, and persevere in the face of challenges. Talk about how you do this in your life.

• Be a positive role model for self-confidence by demonstrating confidence in yourself. Show your child how to handle challenges and how to embrace your strengths and weaknesses. Be authentic when you talk about yourself and all your foibles.

• Above all, provide your child with unconditional love, acceptance, and support. Let them know that you believe in them, no matter what, and that you are always there to help them succeed.

• You love them for who they are and in all circumstances.

Building self confidence in your child is all about teaching them that they can confidently be in charge of their own lives as time progresses. Here we are building emotional intelligence.

“Confident, happy children feel good about themselves and achieve well. It’s natural.”

— Gail J Smith