Teach your child to set goals. It is a great life skill.
The more your child develops their independence by relying less on others and more on themselves, the more they become inclined to set their own personal goals with confidence and determination. In her insightful discussion, Gail Smith shares some practical and effective suggestions to help your child in this important area of growth and self-discovery.
Sometimes the thought of setting up goals can be daunting. If however, you teach your child to start small and build up slowly, their expectations will grow steadily and they will gradually see the fruits of their labour. Once feeling success from setting goals the interest grows in setting up more goals.
Here are some suggestions to help your child in this area. The examples are helpful to put goal setting in context.
Start Small
Encourage setting small, achievable goals to build confidence.
• Example: "This week, let's try to clean up your toys every day before dinner."
Lead by Example
Show them how you set and achieve your own goals.
• Example: "I want to read one book this month. What goal can you set for yourself?"
Break Big Goals into Steps
Teach them to divide larger goals into manageable tasks.
• Example: "You want to finish your school project. Let's start by gathering materials today."
Celebrate Progress
Recognize and reward efforts to keep motivation high.
• Example: "You practised piano for 10 minutes every day this week—let's celebrate with a special treat!"
Make Goals Fun
Turn goal-setting into a game or challenge.
• Example: "Let’s see if you can improve your running time by 10 seconds each week. We'll keep track together!"
Teach Reflection
Encourage them to think about what worked and what didn't after achieving (or not achieving) their goal.
• Example: "You finished your book! How did breaking it into chapters help you reach your goal?"
Encourage Long-term Goals
Help them think ahead and set goals that take longer to achieve.
• Example: "You want to learn to ride a bike without training wheels. Let’s practice for 15 minutes every day."
Provide Support and Guidance
Offer help without doing it for them, so they feel ownership of their goals.
• Example: "I'll help you study for your spelling test, but you can choose the words you need to practice."
In simple ways you can use goals setting as a way of life. The more your child grows independent of relying less on others and more on themselves, the more they are inclined to set their own goals with confidence.
“Be a goal setter in your own life and see how your child will easily adapt to such habits.”
What lifelong lessons do you want your child to adopt?
While we teach our children many valuable lessons throughout their formative years, some hold a special, lasting significance that will undoubtedly benefit them well into adulthood. Gail Smith wisely compiled a list of important beliefs and practical strategies on how to effectively impart them to your children.
There are many lessons we teach our children but there are some that will have a longer life and will be of much value if they adopt them when they are adults. For example, you may teach your child how to ride a bike but how does that compare to teaching them how to be a well-rounded person with strong values and a love for life.
Consider the following beliefs and maybe some may particularly resonate with you:
"You are loved unconditionally."
Lesson: No matter what happens, you are always loved and accepted for who you are.
How to teach: Show affection through words and actions daily. When they make mistakes, reassure them that mistakes don’t change your love for them. This creates emotional security.
"Your feelings are valid."
Lesson: It's okay to feel angry, sad, happy, or confused. All emotions are part of being human.
How to teach: Acknowledge and talk through their emotions without judgement. If they’re upset, say, "I see you're upset; it's okay to feel that way. Let's figure it out together."
"It's okay to fail; failure is how we learn."
Lesson: Failure is a natural part of life and leads to growth.
How to teach: Share your own failures and what you learned from them. Encourage them to try new things without fear of messing up. Praise their efforts, not just their success.
"Be kind to yourself and others."
Lesson: Self-compassion is just as important as being kind to others.
How to teach: Model self-kindness by speaking positively about yourself in front of them. Teach empathy by helping them understand how others feel and encouraging acts of kindness.
"You are enough just as you are."
Lesson: You don’t need to change to be worthy of love and respect.
How to teach: Regularly remind them of their worth. Say things like, "You are amazing just the way you are." Celebrate their unique traits and talents, reinforcing that they don't need to compare themselves to others.
"Challenges make you stronger."
Lesson: Difficulties and obstacles help you grow and build resilience.
How to teach: When they face a challenge, encourage them to keep going, reassuring them that struggles are part of life. Share examples of people who overcame adversity and how it shaped them.
"You always have choices."
Lesson: Even in tough situations, you have the power to choose how you respond.
How to teach: Give them choices from a young age, allowing them to make decisions and understand the consequences. Teach them that they can’t control everything, but they can control how they react.
"Take care of your mind and body."
Lesson: Your mental and physical well-being are interconnected, and both need care.
How to teach: Teach healthy habits like eating well, staying active, and practicing mindfulness. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and take breaks when overwhelmed.
"Be true to yourself."
Lesson: Follow your heart, and don’t live to please others.
How to teach: Encourage self-expression and support their interests, even if they are different from your own. Reinforce the idea that their happiness is not about pleasing others but about being authentic.
"Life is a journey, not a race."
Lesson: There’s no need to rush; it’s okay to move at your own pace.
How to teach: Avoid pressuring them to achieve milestones quickly. Help them appreciate the process of learning and growing instead of focusing solely on outcomes.
Simply use life experiences to teach the above lessons. There will be plenty of occasions along their journey to adulthood to test some of the beliefs above. Keep in mind that your example of how you live life will be an important guideline for your child especially if they see that you are happy in the choices you make.
“Every child deserves a champion- an adult who understands the power of connection and insists that they become the best that can possibly be.”
Parents can teach their children to make wiser choices.
As parents, you can teach your children to make wiser decisions. Follow these steps to guide them in learning how to pause, think, and consider the consequences of their actions, which will lead to wiser decision-making over time.
As your child matures they begin to develop reasoning and start to reflect on a deeper understanding of what life and decisions are all about. As a parent you can encourage behaviour that will lead to your child valuing wiser decisions.
Consider the following:
Encourage Thinking Ahead
Parent: “Before you make a decision, try to think about what might happen next. For example, if you choose to stay up late playing games, you might be too tired for school the next day. What do you think is the best choice?”
Lesson: Helps children develop foresight by considering the consequences of their actions.
Ask Questions, Don’t Just Give Answers
Parent: “What do you think will happen if you share your toy? How would you feel if someone did the same for you?”
Lesson: Teaches them to evaluate situations from different perspectives rather than just reacting impulsively.
Teach the Power of Pausing
Parent: “When you feel unsure or upset, it’s okay to pause for a moment before making a choice. Taking a deep breath can help you think more clearly.”
Lesson: Encourages emotional regulation and thoughtful decision-making, rather than acting on impulse.
Model Wise Decision-Making
Parent: “I was going to buy this thing, but then I realized we don’t really need it right now. I’ll wait until we save more money, and if we still want it then, I’ll get it.”
Lesson: Children learn from observing how their parents weigh options and make responsible choices.
Give Them Controlled Choices
Parent: “You can choose to do your homework now and have free time later, or you can play now and have less time for fun later. What do you think is the better choice?”
Lesson: Provides practice with decision-making and lets them experience the outcomes of their choices in a safe, controlled environment.
Discuss Past Decisions
Parent: “Remember when you didn’t wear a jacket last time and got cold? How will you choose differently today when it’s chilly?”
Lesson: Reflecting on past decisions helps children connect past experiences to better future choices.
Teach Problem-Solving Steps
Parent: “When you have to make a choice, try to follow these steps: 1) Identify the problem, 2) Think of possible solutions, 3) Consider what might happen with each solution, and 4) Make your choice.”
Lesson: Provides a framework for making informed decisions and builds confidence in their ability to think through problems.
Explain the Impact of Peer Pressure
Parent: “Sometimes friends might ask you to do something that doesn’t feel right. It’s okay to say no if you think it’s not a good choice for you.”
Lesson: Helps them understand the importance of staying true to their own values and making independent choices, even under pressure.
These examples help guide children in learning to pause, think, and consider the consequences of their actions, leading to wiser decision-making over time.
Teaching wisdom from an early age will lead your child to make and want decisions based on clear thinking and planned decision making. This will help them cope better with the rigours of adolescence, peer group pressure etc.
“Be a wise parent and teach your child the value of making wise decisions.”
Encourage your child to be different
Encouraging your child to be different not only nurtures their individuality but also fosters critical thinking. Gail Smith shares insightful reasons why empowering children to question the status quo leads to personal growth. By teaching them not to always accept things as they are, we invite healthy curiosity and a deeper understanding of the world around them.
Let your child be themselves as much as possible. We know that people who make a big difference in the world have their own unique ideas and do things their way.
Encourage your child to see that all their ideas are important and should be respected. Some may come to fruition over time.
Here are some sound reasons why encouraging your child to be different will benefit them in many ways and will invite them to not always accept things as they are. This invites healthy questioning of the world.
Fosters Authenticity and Self-Expression
Encouraging children to be different helps them stay true to who they are, without feeling pressured to fit in. This builds their confidence in expressing their thoughts, feelings, and ideas without fear of judgement.
Benefit: When children feel free to be themselves, they develop a strong sense of identity and self-worth.
Builds Resilience Against Peer Pressure
Children who are comfortable being different are less likely to succumb to peer pressure. They develop the courage to stand up for their values and make decisions based on their own beliefs rather than following the crowd.
Benefit: This resilience fosters independent thinking and reduces the likelihood of engaging in harmful behaviours.
Encourages Creativity and Innovation
Being different often means thinking outside the box and approaching problems in unique ways. Encouraging this mindset promotes creativity and innovation, which can be valuable skills throughout life.
Benefit: Children learn to embrace their originality, which can lead to greater success in problem-solving and creative pursuits.
Strengthens Confidence and Self-Esteem
When children are encouraged to be different, they gain confidence in their individuality. They learn that they don’t need to conform to others' expectations to be valued, which bolsters their self-esteem.
Benefit: High self-esteem helps children take risks, pursue passions, and feel secure in their own skin.
Teaches Acceptance of Others
By embracing their own differences, children also learn to accept and appreciate the uniqueness of others. This cultivates empathy and understanding, reducing prejudice and promoting positive social interactions.
Benefit: Children who value diversity are more open-minded and compassionate, making them better friends and more inclusive members of society.
Encouraging a child to be different nurtures their individuality and helps them navigate the world with confidence, creativity, and kindness.
You can help by being open to their ideas and affirming their thinking when they are on a creative bend.
Your example of being a parent who values difference in your own life will have an amazing impact on how they see themselves and the world.
“Decide to be whatever you decide to be and celebrate your difference.”
Teaching children about the value of making good choices
It’s important to encourage our children to recognize the difference and to understand that their choices can shape their lives in profound ways. Who they become is a reflection of the decisions they make. Gail Smith emphasizes the importance of empowering children to make their own choices, highlighting the positive impact it can have on their growth and development.
We can all choose to make choices that can either hinder or enlighten our lives. For example you can choose to have a go or you can choose to not have a go. We should encourage our children to learn the difference and to understand that when we make those choices they can affect our life in different ways.
Who we are is a result of the choices we make.
Consider the following ideas about the impact on a child when they make their own choices:
Promotes Responsibility: When children learn that their choices have consequences, they develop a sense of accountability. They understand that choosing to work hard or make responsible decisions directly impacts their success and happiness.
Builds Self-Confidence: Allowing children to make choices reinforces their belief in their own abilities. Whether they succeed or fail, knowing that they had the power to choose builds confidence in their decision-making skills.
Fosters Independence: By making their own decisions, children learn to rely on themselves instead of always seeking approval or guidance from others. This fosters independence and helps them navigate life with more confidence.
Develops Critical Thinking: When children are taught to weigh the pros and cons of their choices, they develop critical thinking skills. They learn how to assess situations, predict outcomes, and make thoughtful decisions rather than impulsive ones.
Supports Emotional Growth: Understanding that they have control over their actions and thoughts (e.g. choosing to think positively) helps children manage their emotions. They learn that their choices can influence how they feel and respond to situations, which is key to emotional resilience.
These lessons empower children to shape their lives with intention and self-awareness. Don’t forget to affirm them when you see positive outcomes from choices they make themselves.
“The more a child experiences positive outcomes from making good choices, the more insight they develop about themselves.”
Let’s look at conversations to have with your child
By having regular, open conversations, parents can nurture a positive outlook in their child’s life. Here are five meaningful topics parents can frequently discuss to support mental health, instill confidence, and remind children that they are always loved. Read on to learn how these conversations can help your child grow with confidence and emotional security.
Here are five great conversation topics that parents can frequently discuss with their children to support mental health, foster a positive disposition, and reassure them of being loved. Frequent positive reminders are healthy ways to give a positive outlook to a growing child and to build emotional intelligence.
Emotions and Feelings
Topic: "How are you feeling today? It's okay to have all kinds of emotions."
Purpose: Encourage emotional expression and validation of feelings. This helps children understand that it’s normal to have a range of emotions and that their feelings are important.
Reassuring Message: "No matter how you feel, I'm always here to listen and support you."
Self-Worth and Inner Strength
Topic: "What do you think makes you special or unique?"
Purpose: This encourages self-reflection and builds self-esteem by helping the child recognize their strengths, talents, and individuality.
Reassuring Message: "You are amazing just the way you are, and I love you for who you are."
Challenges and Problem-Solving
Topic: "What was something challenging today, and how did you handle it?"
Purpose: Encouraging conversations about handling challenges reinforces resilience and problem-solving skills, helping children approach difficulties with a positive mindset.
Reassuring Message: "No matter what happens, you’re strong, and I believe in your ability to get through tough times."
Gratitude and Positivity
Topic: "What are three things you’re thankful for today?"
Purpose: Fostering gratitude can shift the focus toward the positive aspects of life, promoting optimism and mental well-being.
Reassuring Message: "Even when things are hard, there’s always something good, and I’m grateful to have you in my life."
Love and Belonging
Topic: "What’s something fun we could do together soon?"
Purpose: Strengthen the parent-child bond by focusing on shared experiences, making the child feel valued and connected.
Reassuring Message: "You are always loved, no matter what, and spending time with you makes me happy."
Frequent conversations on these topics not only build a child's mental resilience but also provide the emotional security that they are loved and supported unconditionally. Every child needs reassurance and will from time to time need that extra reassurance that their world is fine.
“A parent’s positive reassurance is a life line to a child.”
Lasting memories of a childhood
Gail Smith fondly reminisces about her childhood companion, a beloved doll named Barbara. Even as an adult, with life full of daily challenges, Barbara still evokes sweet memories of simpler times. Gail hopes that every child finds their own "Barbara"—a source of comfort and cherished memories that will last a lifetime.
I remember Barbara, just stunning! I recently pulled her out of a dusty box that was labelled, ‘old goods’. How could that be? Barbara looked to me as fresh and alive as the day I met her. I was six and she was to be my companion doll for several long years, as I was an only child. Her bright blue eyes slowly opened and closed, Sometimes I carefully pulled down the heavy, thick dark eyelashes. I would think she was once again doing that all familiar wink and reassurance that she was there just for me.
I noticed her dress. It had been sewn together by my mother using scraps from a box. I remember thinking how clever it must have been to sew pieces of material together. They were from the factory in which my mother worked. She would often bring remnants of material home, and they all ended up in this one tall box.
Barbara seemed a little lighter than I remember her and sadly her left leg had come away from the plastic joint. I remember that had she visited a doll’s hospital to get that problem fixed or so I was told and I waited what seemed forever to get her home. She must have missed me terribly. I also had a memory flash of times when Barbara and I would have tea parties with my cat on the lawn. Strange isn’t it, as I now have allergies to cats. I wondered when I stopped liking them as I find them now a menace to my health.
Memories started to flow of times when Barbara and I would chat about who, where and what was in my small world. A few broken lines from songs came to mind, that as a child I sang, long since forgotten. At least they were a remnant of happy songs which now have faded into obscurity. It wasn’t an easy childhood, but Barbara was always there. She seemed to wear that same reassuring look and would on occasion with my encouragement, by pulling down her eyelash, give me a wink.
These scattered memories took me into a happy, secure place and reminded me, that as a child, we take with us various images that can still play a small part in our older life. Thanks Barbara! I will now show my appreciation by placing you on a shelf where I can glance at you occasionally when I have those darker moments. I know you will be a stable, secure influence that I take from my somewhat disheveled childhood. You will always have those bright, red cheeks and your hair will look so smart, not a wave out of place. I like that idea of stillness and stability.
I wonder what all our children today will take with them into adulthood.As parents, we help in creating some of those lasting images and in every child. I hope they find their Barbara.
What lessons in life do you want to teach your children?
As parents, we teach our children countless lessons, but some hold a special significance in shaping their happiness and balance in life. The five lessons below are particularly important to instill, not through grand gestures, but through authenticity and sharing our everyday experiences. Ultimately, being truthful and genuine in our interactions with our children is the most powerful way to guide them.
There are many lessons we teach our children, but some should have more reticence than others for our children to have happy well-balanced lives. Consider the five lessons below and it may be worth reflecting on how we teach our children these lessons.
Kindness Matters
Lesson: Always treat others with kindness and respect, no matter the situation.
How Taught: You've modelled kindness in your own interactions, showing empathy and compassion in everyday situations, whether it's helping a neighbour or speaking politely to strangers.
Be True to Yourself
Lesson: Stay true to who you are, even when it's difficult. Your uniqueness is your strength.
How Taught: You've encouraged your child to pursue their passions and supported them in making choices that align with their values, even if those choices are different from the norm.
Learn from Mistakes
Lesson: Mistakes are part of life. Learn from them and keep moving forward.
How Taught: You've shared your own mistakes openly and discussed what you learned from them. You've also reassured your child that it’s okay to fail, as long as they try again.
Hard Work Pays Off
Lesson: Success comes from hard work and perseverance, not just luck.
How Taught: You've demonstrated a strong work ethic, whether through your job or personal projects, and involved your child in tasks that require effort and patience, showing them the value of dedication.
Take Care of Yourself
Lesson: Your well-being is important. Take care of your mind and body.
How Taught: You've prioritized self-care in your own life, whether through exercise, healthy eating, or taking time to relax. You’ve also encouraged your child to express their feelings and take breaks when needed.
It is amazing what a child takes into their life from their childhood. Your efforts need be no more than being authentic and sharing your life with your child. Best to make it worthwhile for both you and your child.
“Leave your child with memories of a happy, well-balanced childhood. It pays dividends for them in their older life.”
Good principles of parenting
The idea of being a perfect parent is a myth. Instead, Gail Smith shares some fundamental principles that can guide us through the ups and downs of parenting. These practices will help you navigate challenges and changes with greater confidence throughout your parenting journey.
Let’s keep in mind that our parenting will keep changing as we gradually grow into it and as our children grow older and their needs change. It is in constant evolution. What we need to keep stable are some fundamental principles of good parenting. They will hold us in good stead in times of turbulence and change throughout our parenting years.
Consider the following principles:
Unconditional Love
Love your child for who they are, not just for what they do. Your love is their safe haven in the world. Unconditional love means that despite behaviour that you do not like, you still love the child. It is only behaviour driven by some anxiety.
Active Listening
When you listen to your child with an open heart, you show them that their voice matters. It's the key to understanding and connection. Effective listening allows the child to feel heard and valued. They are then more inclined to go to you when they are anxious and need to be heard.
Setting Boundaries with Empathy
Boundaries are like the walls of a safe playground. Set them with love and understanding, so your child can explore the world confidently. Boundaries allow the child to know where they stand and what matters to you the parent.
Positive Reinforcement
Praise their effort and progress, not just the end result. Your encouragement fuels their motivation to learn and grow. Be specific when praising. Let the child know what is valued in the praise.
Teaching Through Example
Your actions speak louder than words. Be the role model you want your child to follow, and they'll learn from your example.
Embracing Mistakes as Learning
Mistakes are stepping stones, not stumbling blocks. Show your child that it's okay to make mistakes; it's how we learn and improve. Let them see in your own life how you use mistakes to inform your life. Talk openly about how mistakes are a great learning tool.
Provide a safe haven
A child that feels safe takes more risks and learns more confidently through their home environment. Set it up so that conversation is encouraged and affirmation is given regularly. Let there be no judgement on their efforts.
Set up a positive learning environment
This should be a creative space where your child feels safe to talk about issues, develop ideas and discuss topics. Allow your child to explore their thinking in a home and family environment that is open to ideas and questions all the time. They will feel free to be creative and extend ideas and thoughts well beyond the conventional.
We can never be the perfect parent. That is a myth. We can however be a parent that understands and works hard to practise some basis principles that hold strong and true through your rearing years.
“Learning some basic principles of parenting provides a safety zone for good parenting.”
Let’s look at some ways in which life can be easier for our working mums.
Mothers, it's important not to underestimate the value of personal time. Balancing family responsibilities while staying calm and rested is no small feat. Though there's no one-size-fits-all solution, it's worth considering ways to make life a bit easier. Parenting shouldn't feel like an overwhelming burden on top of managing home and work. Gail Smith offers practical steps to help you navigate those hectic school weeks with a little more ease.
Mothers have a huge load on their shoulders when they work. Balancing all the family responsibilities and remaining calm and rested is a challenge. There is no easy answer, but it is worthwhile to reflect on how and what can make life a little easier. Parenting should not become an immense burden on top of managing home and work. Let’s look at some steps that could make it a little easier across those busy weeks of school.
Prioritize and Delegate
Focus on what truly matters each day and learn to delegate tasks, whether at work or home. This could mean assigning age-appropriate chores to children or seeking help from a partner or family member for certain responsibilities.
Embrace “Good Enough”
Let go of perfectionism. Not every task needs to be done flawlessly. Sometimes, it’s okay if things are simply “good enough.” This mindset can reduce stress and free up time.
Meal Planning and Prep
Dedicate a bit of time on weekends to plan meals for the week and prepare ingredients in advance. This small investment can save a lot of time and stress on busy weeknights.
Use Technology to Stay Organized
Leverage apps and tools for managing schedules, reminders, and to-do lists. Simple tools like shared family calendars or task management apps can help keep everyone on track and reduce mental load.
Set Boundaries
Establish clear boundaries between work and personal time. This could mean setting specific work hours and sticking to them, or designating certain times in the day as phone-free, family time.
Practice Mindful Breaks
Incorporate short, mindful breaks into the day, even if it’s jus 5-10 minutes. A quick walk, deep breathing, or a brief moment of meditation can refresh the mind and reduce stress, making it easier to tackle the next task.
Above all factor yourself into the week. Your personal care is necessary to keep the week functioning well. Never undervalue your need for personal time. Such is the oil that lubricates all the machinery that needs to be operating for a family to have an effective week.
“Try to find some balance and harmony to the busy week. This brings happiness and less feelings of being overwhelmed.”
What you say to your child sticks.
Here are some of the most powerful phrases you can say to your children, no matter their age. Repeating these words often shows your unwavering love and support as they grow. Whether your child is a toddler or a teen, these statements can help build their confidence and emotional strength. Make them a regular part of your conversations to reinforce your commitment to their well-being.
As your child grows, how wonderful it would be if they just knew how you valued them and how consistently you talked about matters that mattered to them. The statements below are powerful suggestions of words that can be repeated time and time again over the years. It doesn't matter if children are three years of age or late teenagers. These statements are powerful tools in driving the right message into them. Consider building them into your repertoire.
"I believe in you, no matter what."
Impact: This statement reinforces your unwavering faith in your child's abilities and character, helping them feel confident and supported even during challenging times.
"You are loved just the way you are."
Impact: Letting your child know that they are loved unconditionally helps them feel secure and accepted, fostering a strong sense of self-worth.
"I’m proud of you for being who you are."
Impact: This acknowledgement celebrates your child’s individuality and encourages them to embrace their unique qualities with pride.
"Your feelings matter to me."
Impact: By affirming the importance of their emotions, you validate your child’s experiences and teach them that their thoughts and feelings are valuable.
"You have the strength to overcome any challenge."
Impact: Empowering your child with this belief helps them develop resilience and the confidence to face obstacles with determination.
These statements repeated throughout your child’s life send a very clear message of your unwavering love and support as they grow into well-developed young adults. Repeat them often for a strong effect.
“Use words well around children. They listen with sharp ears.”
Be Present for your child. It supports their mental Health
Being present for your child is one of the most impactful things you can do as a parent. It’s not about grand gestures or extravagant outings; it’s the simple, healthy, and regular engagement that truly nourishes your child's spirit and sense of well-being. Gail Smith emphasizes that these consistent interactions are crucial for your child's mental health. Read on to find out why.
Being present for your child is one of the most impactful things you can do as a parent.
Here are five outstanding reasons why your presence is crucial, particularly for your child’s mental health:
Emotional Security and Trust
When parents are consistently present, children feel secure knowing that they have a reliable support system. This sense of security forms the foundation for trust, which is essential for healthy emotional development.
Mental Health Impact: A secure attachment with parents reduces anxiety and stress, fostering resilience and emotional stability.
Building Self-Esteem
Parental presence, through active engagement and positive reinforcement, helps children develop a strong sense of self-worth. They feel valued when their parents show interest in their thoughts, feelings, and activities.
Mental Health Impact: High self-esteem is closely linked to lower rates of depression and anxiety. Children who feel good about themselves are more likely to take on challenges and develop healthy social relationships.
Role Modelling Positive Behaviour
Children learn by observing their parents. When parents are present, they can model positive behaviours such as empathy, patience, and problem-solving skills, which children are likely to emulate.
Mental Health Impact: Positive role modelling helps children develop healthy coping mechanisms and social skills, reducing the likelihood of developing mental health issues related to poor interpersonal relationships.
Supporting Emotional Expression
Being present allows parents to create a safe space for their children to express their emotions. When children know they can share their feelings without judgement, they learn to process emotions in a healthy way.
Mental Health Impact: This open communication reduces the risk of emotional repression, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges later in life.
Enhancing Cognitive Development
Active involvement in your child’s learning and development—through play, reading, or helping with homework—stimulates their cognitive growth. It also encourages a love for learning and curiosity.
Mental Health Impact: Cognitive stimulation and a positive learning environment reduce stress and anxiety related to school and social pressures. This, in turn, promotes a healthier mental state and a more positive outlook on life.
You can be present with your child in many and varied ways. It does not require perfection but simple healthy, regular engagement with your child nourishes their spirit and sense of well being.
“Enjoy the moments with your child. They become hours, days and fruitful years.”
Mental well being needs to be nourished over the years
Building a healthy mental state in children doesn't happen overnight—it's about cultivating steady, consistent habits within the family. When children learn to explore and inquire about life, they become more resilient, embracing challenges rather than fearing them. Gail Smith offers practical suggestions to help boost your child's mental health, fostering a mindset where curiosity and confidence flourish.
There is no quick fix to building a healthy mental state with our children. Slow steady consistent habits developed in your family can be great boosters for mental health.
Consider:
Affirm the small achievements.
They do not need to be on a large scale but you recognize in your child some simple milestones that they have made. That could be at school, sporting efforts, improved attitudes, showing generosity, demonstrating gratitude etc.
Give them the liberty of talking about issues.
Sometimes we jump in fairly quickly and can place judgement on what they have to say. Just be an effective listener without showing strong opinions and let the conversation flow. You may learn something interesting.
Play and enjoy their childhood.
A happy child who plays often and lives in a world where they can be creative and free show a greater ability to be less stressed throughout life. We all need a good childhood. Play with them.
Gradually build their independence.
From birth, a child is working to be more independent. Your support in giving them small opportunities as the years go by, will give them personal satisfaction in managing themselves. As they grow in independence, they feel emotionally in charge and ready for more challenges. They accept failure more easily and see it as a learning curve.
Let them think critically
A critical thinking child develops strong emotional independence. Talk frequently to your child and let them ask questions often. Guide them in thinking about optional viewpoints and keep their minds open to new ideas. A closed mind is dangerous
A child who learns to inquire about life is not frightened about the challenges it offers. In fact they invite them.
“Those foundation years need ongoing nourishment and enrichment to keep developing good mental health.”
Be the parent and not the friend to your child - that’s what they need
Be your children's best friend or be their parent? While we naturally want to support and comfort our children, sometimes the best way to do that is by making clear, rational decisions—even when it means not always being their best friend. After all, being the best parent often means making tough choices for the well-being of your child.
We all want that close and connected relationship with our child. We sometimes think that being their close friend is the best way to show how much you love your child. Whilst all goes well it may seem a perfect situation but at some point you will need to be the parents as this may come with some stresses and strains on the relationship. Your child really looks for the parent in you and that comes with responsibility and accountability.
The following ideas are sound and compelling reasons why being the parent gives you the greatest chance to have a strong and healthy relationship where you can share friendship and joy in a balanced way. Parents need to be parents, not friends:
1. Boundaries Create Security and Structure for Children!
2. Children Need Guidance, Not Peer-Level Approval!
3. Discipline from a Parent Shapes Responsible Adults!
4. A Parent’s Authority Builds Respect and Trust!
5. Children Look to Parents for Leadership, Not Friendship!
6. Parenting with Authority Encourages Healthy Decision-Making!
We all want to be there for our children when they need us. This may require clear thinking and rational decision making. This does not always mean that you are their best friend but in fact their best parent.
“Your child needs the parent in you. Not the child.”
Encouraging your child to write well
Some children struggle with writing, finding it difficult to start and continue their stories. Parents can help by providing engaging activities that spark motivation. Gail Smith offers suggestions to show children the power of the written word. Read on to discover more on how to encourage your child's writing journey!
Some children find writing a difficult task. They seem to feel blocked and struggle to start stories and certainly struggle to continue with them. Parents can help by providing some stimulating activities for their child to do that are not difficult but can motivate a child to write.
Consider:
Encourage Daily Journaling: Suggest that your child keep a daily journal. Writing about their day, feelings, or even imaginary stories can help them practise and improve their writing skills regularly.
Read Together Regularly: Expose your child to a variety of writing styles by reading together. Discuss the books, focusing on how different authors use language, structure their stories, and create vivid descriptions.
Use Writing Prompts: Provide fun and engaging writing prompts to spark their creativity. Prompts like "Imagine you have a superpower for a day. What would you do?" can make writing exciting and less of a chore.
Play Word Games: Engage in word games like Scrabble or Boggle. These games can expand vocabulary and improve language skills in a playful and interactive way.
Incorporate Technology: Use writing apps and websites designed for kids. Programs like Grammar for Kids or fun writing games online can make writing more engaging and educational. Talk to your child’s teacher about what they would recommend.
Write Letters: Encourage your child to write letters to family members, friends, or even pen pals. Writing letters can be a fun way to practise different writing and communication styles.
Create a Family Newspaper: Start a family newspaper where everyone contributes articles, stories, or comics. This can be a collaborative project that makes writing a shared and enjoyable activity.
Provide Constructive Feedback: When reviewing your child’s writing, offer positive feedback along with gentle suggestions for improvement. Focus on specific aspects, like adding more descriptive words or varying sentence structure.
Use Visual Aids: Encourage your child to create storyboards or mind maps before writing. Visual planning can help them organise their thoughts and improve the overall structure of their writing.
Set a Writing Example: Share your own writing with your child. Show them drafts, edits, and final versions to demonstrate the writing process and the importance of revision and improvement.
Start A Sentence: Make it a game. You start a sentence, and they finish it. “Yesterday I found an interesting rock. It was……”
Play with Reading Books: When you are reading a book occasionally stop. Let them see that the written word has power and invite your child to change the story. Perhaps they could suggest a different ending.
Have plenty of books and magazines around the house and occasionally read little segments from them out loud. A child's imagination will be enlivened when they begin to talk about their passions and interests. When they start to be motivated about something, encourage them to write about it. Let them see that the written word has power.
“When we write, we feel, see and hear the words.’
-Gail J Smith
Why it is important to monitor the mental health of your child
In today's complex world, children face an overwhelming influx of information from social media and other sources. It's crucial to ensure their happiness and sense of security during the early years to build mental resilience. By being present, listening well, and working together to solve problems, parents can foster resilience and reassurance in their children. Gail Smith emphasizes the importance of monitoring and supporting your child's mental health.
It is such a complicated world now that we are always in the throws of social media etc. There is much for our children to absorb and to learn. We know that keeping our children happy and feeling secure in the early years is critical to building mental stamina.
The following thoughts remind us of the importance of being aware of how your child is handling their mental health.
Good mental health in the early years can:
• Prevent Anxiety and Depression: Early monitoring helps identify signs of anxiety and depression, allowing for timely intervention and reducing long-term impacts.
• Promote Academic Success: A mentally healthy child is more focused, engaged, and motivated in school, leading to better academic performance.
• Encourage Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Regular check-ins teach children how to manage stress and emotions, fostering resilience and emotional intelligence.
• Strengthen Parent-Child Connection: Being attentive to a child's mental health builds trust and opens lines of communication, making children more likely to share their feelings.
• Reduce Risk of Substance Abuse: Monitoring mental well-being can help prevent negative behaviours, such as substance abuse, that children might turn to as coping mechanisms.
• Support Long-Term Well-being: Ensuring good mental health in childhood sets the foundation for a happier, more balanced adult life, with fewer mental health issues.
Of course we do not live in a perfect world and from time to time your child will be challenged on various levels especially socially and emotionally. Simply be there, understand, listen well and together find solutions to problems. That kind of nurture builds resilience and reassurance in children.
“Tears fall for a reason and they are your strength not weakness.”
Six reasons why giving your child quality time works
The time you spend with your child is invaluable and leaves a lasting impact on their sense of being loved and secure. As they grow into teenagers and become more independent, those shared moments become even more precious. Gail Smith shares six surprising benefits of dedicating time to your child in this insightful blog post.
The time you give to your child is valuable and has a lasting effect on their feelings of being loved and feeling secure.
Here are six surprising outcomes when you give of your time to your child:
Your effort:
Promotes Creativity: Engaging in imaginative play with parents stimulates children's creative thinking and problem-solving skills.
Reduces Stress: Shared activities and positive interactions can lower stress levels in children, leading to better overall mental health.
Teaches Conflict Resolution: Quality time allows parents to model healthy ways to handle
disagreements, helping children develop strong conflict resolution skills.
Enhances Cultural Awareness: Parents can introduce children to diverse cultures and traditions, broadening their understanding of the world.
Improves Physical Health: Active play and shared physical activities encourage healthy habits and improve physical fitness.
Fosters Independence: By spending time together, parents can teach essential life skills, empowering children to become more self-reliant and confident in their abilities.
Giving quality time to your child is all about sharing more of your life with them. There will come a time when they disappear out of sight and we struggle to bring them into our presence. This is of course the teenage years. Therefore value those moments you share together. It is rewarded a hundred fold.
“Shared time with your child builds strong mental health in all the family”
Keep yourself well and healthy as a parent
As parents, it's easy to focus solely on our children's well-being and overlook our own. However, maintaining our own mental and physical health is crucial for effective parenting. Gail Smith explains how prioritizing self-care enhances our ability to be the best parents we can be. Keep your well-being at the forefront to savor the joys of parenting.
We focus so much on our children that it is easy to forget the importance of our own well being as the parent. We owe it to ourselves to consider our well being as critical in being the best parent possible.
The more we feel well and mentally fit the greater capacity we have to parent our children well and be happy in the process.
Consider:
Emotional Availability: When parents take care of their mental and emotional health, they are better equipped to be emotionally available for their children. This means they can provide the support, empathy, and understanding that children need to feel secure and loved, fostering strong emotional bonds and a stable home environment.
Enhanced Patience and Resilience: Parenting can be challenging and demanding. Parents who maintain their well-being have greater patience and resilience, enabling them to handle stress, conflicts, and the inevitable ups and downs of parenting with a calm and composed demeanour. This helps in creating a peaceful and nurturing atmosphere at home.
Preventing Burnout: Parenting is a full-time job that can lead to burnout if self-care is neglected. Prioritising personal well-being helps parents recharge and avoid the physical and emotional exhaustion that can come from constantly putting others' needs before their own. This ensures they have the energy and enthusiasm to engage fully with their children.
Improved Problem-Solving and Decision-Making: A healthy mind and body contribute to better cognitive functioning. Parents who look after their well-being are more likely to make sound decisions and solve problems effectively, whether it's navigating everyday challenges or making important choices about their children's education, health, and future.
When we feel well and happy we tolerate more, see humour in life and enjoy and savour what is around. To get the best of being a parent, keep your well being at the forefront of your mind.
“A happy parent gives themselves a high priority.”
It is important to speak well to your children
Children quickly pick up on what you say and how you say it, understanding the value you place on them. Gail Smith highlights six compelling reasons why speaking positively to children is crucial and the potential harm caused when we don’t. This insightful blog post sheds light on the importance of nurturing communication.
Speaking well to children is a language all its own. Children register very quickly from what you say and how you say it, what kind of value you place in them.
Here are six sound reasons why speaking well to children is important and it also highlights damage that can be caused if we do not speak well.
Building Self-Esteem
When children hear positive words and encouragement, they feel valued and loved. This helps them develop a healthy sense of self-worth.
However, harsh words can make children doubt their abilities and feel unimportant, leading to low self-esteem.
Fostering Emotional Security
Kind and understanding words create a safe emotional environment. Children feel secure knowing they can express themselves without fear of judgement. However, negative communication can make children anxious or fearful, feeling like they must always be on guard.
Encouraging Positive Behaviour
Praise and positive reinforcement motivate children to repeat good behaviour and make better choices. However, constant criticism can lead to rebellion or a lack of motivation to try their best.
Developing Language Skills
Hearing rich and positive language helps children expand their vocabulary and communication skills, crucial for their overall development. However, exposure to negative or limited language can hinder their ability to express themselves effectively.
Modelling Respectful Communication
Children learn by observing. Speaking well to them teaches them how to communicate respectfully with others. However, if children hear harsh or disrespectful language, they might imitate this behaviour in their interactions.
Strengthening Parent-Child Bond
Positive communication fosters a strong, trusting relationship between parents and children, which is the foundation for a healthy family dynamic. However, negative interactions can create distance and weaken the parent-child bond, making it harder for children to confide in their parents.
When a child feels confident to talk to you about important matters and when they are relaxed in how they communicate with you, this is a sign that you are speaking well to your child. All they want is to feel safe through your dialogue and welcomed in your conversations.
“Speak well to your child and they will speak well back.”
How To Keep Your Anger Under Control Around Children
Feeling angry from time to time is natural, especially when tired or overwhelmed, but frequent displays of anger can significantly impact children. Intermittent anger can confuse and distress them, often causing them to withdraw. Gail Smith shares useful strategies to help you manage your anger.
Being angry from time to time is natural. We cannot be even tempered all the time and there are often triggers that will set us off. Tiredness and being over busy are catalysts for feeling anger. We know that children can become quite anxious if a parent shows a lot of anger from time to time. Intermittent anger can be very confusing for a child and they will often withdraw when that happens. Uncontrolled anger from a parent can have severe effects on a child.
Below are some recommendations to practise reducing your anger. They are excellent strategies to use which will also have a calming effect on yourself. This will benefit your moods and overall well being. There is strength in calmness.
Consider:
Practice Deep Breathing: When you feel anger rising, take a moment to breathe deeply. Inhale slowly for a count of four, hold for a count of four, and exhale for a count of four. Repeat this a few times to help calm your mind and body.
Take a Timeout: Just like children, parents can benefit from a timeout. If you feel overwhelmed, step away for a few minutes to collect your thoughts. This can help prevent you from saying or doing something in anger that you might regret later.
Identify Triggers: Pay attention to what specific situations or behaviours trigger your anger. Understanding your triggers allows you to anticipate and manage them better, reducing the likelihood of an outburst.
Use Positive Self-Talk: Remind yourself that anger is a natural emotion but it can be controlled. Use phrases like “I can handle this calmly” or “I am in control of my emotions” to re frame your mindset in stressful situations.
Implement Physical Activity: Physical exercise is a great way to release built-up tension and stress. Incorporate regular physical activity into your routine, whether it’s a daily walk, yoga, or a quick workout, to help manage your anger levels.
Communicate Openly: Express your feelings in a calm and constructive manner. Use “I” statements to explain how you feel and why, without blaming or criticising your child. For example, say “I feel frustrated when the toys are left out because it makes the room messy” instead of “You never clean up your toys.”
Be Authentic: Your child knows you well. Talk to them about the things that can make you upset and this will help them take more responsibility when they bring up certain topics. It is also a positive family thing to do when families talk about what makes them angry.
Through managing your anger you are setting a great example for your child. They will see the effort being made and recognise that controlling anger is a necessary skill to live effectively.
‘Being calm, you show strength through your actions.’
-Gail J Smith