Be a Parent with Purpose: 5 Outstanding Ways to Parent with Intention
Gail Smith shares 5 powerful ways to parent with intention, helping you build trust, love, and growth in your child’s life. It’s about being mindful, consistent, and present—not perfect.
We don’t have to try too hard but with simple behaviour that is solid and reliable you can make a big difference for your child.
Model Values You Want to Teach
Children learn more from what they see than what they’re told. Be intentional about modelling kindness, patience, respect, and responsibility.
Example: If you want your child to be empathetic, let them see you helping others and speaking kindly, even when things are tough.
Create Meaningful Family Rituals
Family traditions foster connection and give children a sense of belonging. Purposeful rituals—like a weekly game night or gratitude journal — build memories and reinforce family values.
Example: Start each day by sharing affirmations with your child.
Focus on Connection Over Perfection
It’s easy to get caught up in the desire to parent perfectly, but children thrive when they feel emotionally connected to their parents. Spend time listening, hugging, and laughing together.
Example: Instead of correcting every mistake, use them as opportunities to bond and teach. For instance, say, “I love you even when things go wrong.”
Encourage Independence with Guidance
Purposeful parents prepare their children for the real world by teaching problem-solving, accountability, and independence. Step back when appropriate but offer a safety net when needed.
Example: Give your child age-appropriate responsibilities, like managing their homework, and discuss their challenges instead of solving problems for them.
Prioritize Presence Over Multitasking
Being present means giving your full attention, even if just for a few minutes each day. It’s not about the amount of time but the quality of your engagement.
Example: Set aside 15-20 minutes daily to talk without distractions—no phones, just undivided attention. Ask open-ended questions like, “What was the best part of your day?”
These strategies will help parents embrace their roles with intention, fostering trust, love, and growth in their children’s lives. Being a purposeful parent means being mindful, consistent, and engaged—not perfect, just present.
“Your presence around your child gives them comfort and reassurance.”
Practical tips for parents to help their children develop executive function skills
Are you struggling to boost your child's executive function skills at home? In this blog, Gail Smith shares simple yet practical tips to help improve their school performance with easy, everyday activities that can all operate from the home environment.
We are always keen to help our children improve their learning capacity at school. There are some practical and useful ways we can support them in this area. Many of the things you currently do may be also useful in supporting your child’s learning. Consider the ideas below that can all operate from the home environment. Perhaps you are currently using these techniques as part of your routine?
Create Daily Routines and Visual Schedules
Why: Routines build predictability, helping children develop organisation and time management skills.
How: Work with your child to create a visual schedule for school days, including tasks like homework, chores, and downtime. Use calendars, to-do lists, or apps that show progress, such as a checklist where they can cross off completed tasks.
Encourage Breaks and Time Management.
Why: Children learn to manage their focus and energy better when they alternate between work and rest. We all need to learn the balance.
How: Teach them to study for 25-minute blocks followed by 5-minute breaks (Pomodoro technique). Use timers to keep track, making it easier to stay focused and avoid burnout.
Use Games and Activities to Strengthen Working Memory
Why: Strong working memory helps children hold and use information for tasks like following instructions and solving problems.
How: Play memory-boosting games such as card-matching games, Simon Says, or apps designed to challenge working memory (e.g., puzzles or brain-training games).
Model and Teach Self-Regulation Strategies
Why: Self-regulation helps children manage emotions and impulses, crucial for staying on task and following through on assignments.
How: Practice mindfulness techniques together, such as deep breathing or counting to ten. Encourage them to pause before reacting impulsively to frustration or distractions.
Promote Independence Through Goal Setting and Reflection
Why: Setting goals fosters accountability and helps children develop problem-solving skills.
How: Start with small, achievable goals (e.g., “Complete maths homework by 5 PM”). Afterwards, discuss what worked and what could improve. This reflection builds self-awareness and teaches them to adjust their strategies over time.
These tips provide hands-on ways for parents to nurture their child’s executive function skills, making academic tasks easier and improving school performance. You will enjoy being actively involved with them and demonstrating how you also value ways to improve your ongoing learning.
“The wider the range of possibilities we offer children, the more intense will be their motivations and the richer their experiences.”
A child's mind is a garden—nurture it with love, or weeds of doubt will grow.
As caring parents, we play a vital role in shaping our children’s mental well-being. In this blog, we are exploring the thoughts that reflect the difference we can make to building good mental health in our children.
Your care shapes their mental world. The below thoughts reflect the difference we make to building good mental health in our children.
Your presence today builds their strength for tomorrow. Show up now—secure their future resilience.
Silence breeds shadows—talk to your child before the darkness grows.
Speak up to stop emotional struggles.
Your words are the bricks that build their self-worth.
Every word moulds their confidence.
Neglect the mind, and the heart will follow—mental health is family health.
Mental wellness starts at home.
A child’s laughter today is their shield for tomorrow’s battles.
Joy builds lifelong emotional armour.
You hold the key to unlocking their inner strength.
Your support empowers their resilience.
A parent’s love is the first line of defence against the world.
Your care protects their mental well-being.
Being a caring parent, recognizes that your work involves building strong mental health in your child.
“Promise me you’ll always remember you’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
Teach your child to like themselves
One of the keys to success is helping children accept and like who they are. They need to believe they deserve kindness and good things in life. Gail Smith shares why it's essential for parents to teach their kids self-acceptance and self-worth.
One of the keys to success is to accept and like who you are. A child needs to believe that they deserve to be treated well and that they deserve good things in their life. They need to nurture the belief that they are as good as anyone else. It takes time for a child to mature into really recognizing their own value so start early as a a parent in teaching them their worth.
Here are five reasons why parents need to teach their children to like and accept themselves, along with examples of how they can do it:
1. Builds Confidence
When children learn to accept themselves, they become more confident in their abilities and decisions. For example, if a child feels unsure about their looks or talents, parents can remind them of their strengths and help them embrace their uniqueness. Complimenting their efforts, not just results, can help reinforce this.
2. Develops Emotional Resilience
Self-acceptance helps children cope better with challenges and failures. Parents can encourage this by framing mistakes as learning opportunities. For instance, if a child doesn’t win a competition, remind them it’s okay to fail sometimes and that they still have value regardless of the outcome.
3. Promotes Healthy Relationships
Children who accept themselves are more likely to build strong, positive relationships because they don’t rely on others for validation. Parents can encourage healthy relationships by teaching their children not to compare themselves to others and to value friends who respect them for who they are.
4. Reduces Anxiety and Stress
When children are comfortable with who they are, they feel less pressure to meet unrealistic expectations. Parents can help by reassuring their children that they don’t have to be perfect. For example, if a child is stressed about grades, parents can focus on the effort and improvement rather than demanding perfection.
5. Fosters Independence and Decision-Making
Self-accepting children trust themselves and their instincts, leading to better decision-making. Parents can nurture this by allowing children to make age-appropriate choices, like choosing their clothes or hobbies, while guiding them gently without taking control. This shows them that their opinions matter. By teaching self-acceptance, parents provide their children with the emotional tools they need to lead happier, more fulfilling lives.
As the parent show your child how your life reflects treating yourself with dignity and nurture. Your lifestyle and self-management will be watched carefully by your child.
“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will makes them successful human beings.”
Opinions: Can be damning to a child if not managed well
Everyone has opinions, but it’s important to teach children not to base their self-worth on what others think. Gail Smith shares tips on how to help kids understand that they are capable of making good decisions for themselves and should trust their own judgment.
We all have opinions. What we need to teach our children is that you do not judge yourself on what others think of you. From an early age we remind our children that they are worthy of making good judgements for themselves.
Teach your children that:
• What other people say about or to you can only affect you if you believe them. This is all about building their self worth.
• You are in charge of how you feel. When you get others bringing you down keep reminding yourself that they have no value at all.
• No one can make you feel inferior without our consent, said Eleanor Roosevelt. Therefore, you do not give anyone consent to put you down.
• Be proud of your opinions and know that they are valued. Not everyone may believe them but they are yours to own and to express to others. After all success comes from believing in yourself.
• Gravitate around positive people that are not in the habit of bringing people down. This makes for happier lasting friendships.
• People that have strong opinions about others are usually very poor listeners and are not interesting to be around as a friend. In fact they can bring you down very easily as they control the conversations usually in a negative way.
• Choose friends wisely as this will be a big boost to a happy childhood.
Finally teach your children that you are there to listen to them with no judgement and that you value what they have to say. With affirming parenting, they will take advantage of your wisdom.
“Listen to your child’s opinions and applaud their creative approach to life.”
A happy child is on the way to developing good mental health
Helping children develop good mental health starts with teaching them the value of positivity and optimism. Gail Smith highlights five key reasons why keeping kids happy plays a crucial role in their mental well-being. Keep reading to learn more about the benefits of nurturing happiness in your child’s life.
In developing good mental health in our children, we need to show and teach them that being positive and optimistic increases one’s feeling of being happy. This is a state we should try and live in as much as possible. Of course, sadness will from time to time come into a child’s life but generally they should be and feel happy in their own skin as often as possible.
Here are five reasons why maintaining a child's happiness is important for their mental well-being:
Boosts Emotional Resilience
Children who experience happiness regularly tend to develop emotional resilience. This helps them navigate life's challenges, setbacks, and stress in a healthy way, making them less prone to anxiety and depression later in life.
Fosters Positive Relationships
A happy child is more likely to develop and maintain healthy relationships with peers, family members, and adults. Positive interactions help children build social skills and a sense of belonging, which are essential for mental health and emotional stability.
Promotes Cognitive Development
Happiness has a direct impact on brain function. When children are happy, they are more engaged, curious, and willing to learn. Positive emotions enhance concentration and creativity, contributing to better cognitive development and academic performance.
Builds Self-Esteem and Confidence
A happy child typically has a positive self-image and feels confident in their abilities. This boosts their self-esteem, which is vital for mental health. High self-esteem makes children more capable of handling challenges and more likely to take on new opportunities without fear of failure.
Reduces Behavioural Problems
Children who are consistently happy tend to have fewer behavioural issues. They are less likely to act out, feel frustrated, or develop aggressive tendencies. A positive emotional state contributes to better emotional regulation, reducing stress and encouraging more constructive behaviours.
Creating environments where children feel supported, loved, and valued helps nurture their happiness and contributes to their long-term mental health.
“Happiness is not ready made. It comes from your own actions”
What lifelong lessons do you want your child to adopt?
While we teach our children many valuable lessons throughout their formative years, some hold a special, lasting significance that will undoubtedly benefit them well into adulthood. Gail Smith wisely compiled a list of important beliefs and practical strategies on how to effectively impart them to your children.
There are many lessons we teach our children but there are some that will have a longer life and will be of much value if they adopt them when they are adults. For example, you may teach your child how to ride a bike but how does that compare to teaching them how to be a well-rounded person with strong values and a love for life.
Consider the following beliefs and maybe some may particularly resonate with you:
"You are loved unconditionally."
Lesson: No matter what happens, you are always loved and accepted for who you are.
How to teach: Show affection through words and actions daily. When they make mistakes, reassure them that mistakes don’t change your love for them. This creates emotional security.
"Your feelings are valid."
Lesson: It's okay to feel angry, sad, happy, or confused. All emotions are part of being human.
How to teach: Acknowledge and talk through their emotions without judgement. If they’re upset, say, "I see you're upset; it's okay to feel that way. Let's figure it out together."
"It's okay to fail; failure is how we learn."
Lesson: Failure is a natural part of life and leads to growth.
How to teach: Share your own failures and what you learned from them. Encourage them to try new things without fear of messing up. Praise their efforts, not just their success.
"Be kind to yourself and others."
Lesson: Self-compassion is just as important as being kind to others.
How to teach: Model self-kindness by speaking positively about yourself in front of them. Teach empathy by helping them understand how others feel and encouraging acts of kindness.
"You are enough just as you are."
Lesson: You don’t need to change to be worthy of love and respect.
How to teach: Regularly remind them of their worth. Say things like, "You are amazing just the way you are." Celebrate their unique traits and talents, reinforcing that they don't need to compare themselves to others.
"Challenges make you stronger."
Lesson: Difficulties and obstacles help you grow and build resilience.
How to teach: When they face a challenge, encourage them to keep going, reassuring them that struggles are part of life. Share examples of people who overcame adversity and how it shaped them.
"You always have choices."
Lesson: Even in tough situations, you have the power to choose how you respond.
How to teach: Give them choices from a young age, allowing them to make decisions and understand the consequences. Teach them that they can’t control everything, but they can control how they react.
"Take care of your mind and body."
Lesson: Your mental and physical well-being are interconnected, and both need care.
How to teach: Teach healthy habits like eating well, staying active, and practicing mindfulness. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and take breaks when overwhelmed.
"Be true to yourself."
Lesson: Follow your heart, and don’t live to please others.
How to teach: Encourage self-expression and support their interests, even if they are different from your own. Reinforce the idea that their happiness is not about pleasing others but about being authentic.
"Life is a journey, not a race."
Lesson: There’s no need to rush; it’s okay to move at your own pace.
How to teach: Avoid pressuring them to achieve milestones quickly. Help them appreciate the process of learning and growing instead of focusing solely on outcomes.
Simply use life experiences to teach the above lessons. There will be plenty of occasions along their journey to adulthood to test some of the beliefs above. Keep in mind that your example of how you live life will be an important guideline for your child especially if they see that you are happy in the choices you make.
“Every child deserves a champion- an adult who understands the power of connection and insists that they become the best that can possibly be.”
Let’s look at conversations to have with your child
By having regular, open conversations, parents can nurture a positive outlook in their child’s life. Here are five meaningful topics parents can frequently discuss to support mental health, instill confidence, and remind children that they are always loved. Read on to learn how these conversations can help your child grow with confidence and emotional security.
Here are five great conversation topics that parents can frequently discuss with their children to support mental health, foster a positive disposition, and reassure them of being loved. Frequent positive reminders are healthy ways to give a positive outlook to a growing child and to build emotional intelligence.
Emotions and Feelings
Topic: "How are you feeling today? It's okay to have all kinds of emotions."
Purpose: Encourage emotional expression and validation of feelings. This helps children understand that it’s normal to have a range of emotions and that their feelings are important.
Reassuring Message: "No matter how you feel, I'm always here to listen and support you."
Self-Worth and Inner Strength
Topic: "What do you think makes you special or unique?"
Purpose: This encourages self-reflection and builds self-esteem by helping the child recognize their strengths, talents, and individuality.
Reassuring Message: "You are amazing just the way you are, and I love you for who you are."
Challenges and Problem-Solving
Topic: "What was something challenging today, and how did you handle it?"
Purpose: Encouraging conversations about handling challenges reinforces resilience and problem-solving skills, helping children approach difficulties with a positive mindset.
Reassuring Message: "No matter what happens, you’re strong, and I believe in your ability to get through tough times."
Gratitude and Positivity
Topic: "What are three things you’re thankful for today?"
Purpose: Fostering gratitude can shift the focus toward the positive aspects of life, promoting optimism and mental well-being.
Reassuring Message: "Even when things are hard, there’s always something good, and I’m grateful to have you in my life."
Love and Belonging
Topic: "What’s something fun we could do together soon?"
Purpose: Strengthen the parent-child bond by focusing on shared experiences, making the child feel valued and connected.
Reassuring Message: "You are always loved, no matter what, and spending time with you makes me happy."
Frequent conversations on these topics not only build a child's mental resilience but also provide the emotional security that they are loved and supported unconditionally. Every child needs reassurance and will from time to time need that extra reassurance that their world is fine.
“A parent’s positive reassurance is a life line to a child.”
Lasting memories of a childhood
Gail Smith fondly reminisces about her childhood companion, a beloved doll named Barbara. Even as an adult, with life full of daily challenges, Barbara still evokes sweet memories of simpler times. Gail hopes that every child finds their own "Barbara"—a source of comfort and cherished memories that will last a lifetime.
I remember Barbara, just stunning! I recently pulled her out of a dusty box that was labelled, ‘old goods’. How could that be? Barbara looked to me as fresh and alive as the day I met her. I was six and she was to be my companion doll for several long years, as I was an only child. Her bright blue eyes slowly opened and closed, Sometimes I carefully pulled down the heavy, thick dark eyelashes. I would think she was once again doing that all familiar wink and reassurance that she was there just for me.
I noticed her dress. It had been sewn together by my mother using scraps from a box. I remember thinking how clever it must have been to sew pieces of material together. They were from the factory in which my mother worked. She would often bring remnants of material home, and they all ended up in this one tall box.
Barbara seemed a little lighter than I remember her and sadly her left leg had come away from the plastic joint. I remember that had she visited a doll’s hospital to get that problem fixed or so I was told and I waited what seemed forever to get her home. She must have missed me terribly. I also had a memory flash of times when Barbara and I would have tea parties with my cat on the lawn. Strange isn’t it, as I now have allergies to cats. I wondered when I stopped liking them as I find them now a menace to my health.
Memories started to flow of times when Barbara and I would chat about who, where and what was in my small world. A few broken lines from songs came to mind, that as a child I sang, long since forgotten. At least they were a remnant of happy songs which now have faded into obscurity. It wasn’t an easy childhood, but Barbara was always there. She seemed to wear that same reassuring look and would on occasion with my encouragement, by pulling down her eyelash, give me a wink.
These scattered memories took me into a happy, secure place and reminded me, that as a child, we take with us various images that can still play a small part in our older life. Thanks Barbara! I will now show my appreciation by placing you on a shelf where I can glance at you occasionally when I have those darker moments. I know you will be a stable, secure influence that I take from my somewhat disheveled childhood. You will always have those bright, red cheeks and your hair will look so smart, not a wave out of place. I like that idea of stillness and stability.
I wonder what all our children today will take with them into adulthood.As parents, we help in creating some of those lasting images and in every child. I hope they find their Barbara.
What lessons in life do you want to teach your children?
As parents, we teach our children countless lessons, but some hold a special significance in shaping their happiness and balance in life. The five lessons below are particularly important to instill, not through grand gestures, but through authenticity and sharing our everyday experiences. Ultimately, being truthful and genuine in our interactions with our children is the most powerful way to guide them.
There are many lessons we teach our children, but some should have more reticence than others for our children to have happy well-balanced lives. Consider the five lessons below and it may be worth reflecting on how we teach our children these lessons.
Kindness Matters
Lesson: Always treat others with kindness and respect, no matter the situation.
How Taught: You've modelled kindness in your own interactions, showing empathy and compassion in everyday situations, whether it's helping a neighbour or speaking politely to strangers.
Be True to Yourself
Lesson: Stay true to who you are, even when it's difficult. Your uniqueness is your strength.
How Taught: You've encouraged your child to pursue their passions and supported them in making choices that align with their values, even if those choices are different from the norm.
Learn from Mistakes
Lesson: Mistakes are part of life. Learn from them and keep moving forward.
How Taught: You've shared your own mistakes openly and discussed what you learned from them. You've also reassured your child that it’s okay to fail, as long as they try again.
Hard Work Pays Off
Lesson: Success comes from hard work and perseverance, not just luck.
How Taught: You've demonstrated a strong work ethic, whether through your job or personal projects, and involved your child in tasks that require effort and patience, showing them the value of dedication.
Take Care of Yourself
Lesson: Your well-being is important. Take care of your mind and body.
How Taught: You've prioritized self-care in your own life, whether through exercise, healthy eating, or taking time to relax. You’ve also encouraged your child to express their feelings and take breaks when needed.
It is amazing what a child takes into their life from their childhood. Your efforts need be no more than being authentic and sharing your life with your child. Best to make it worthwhile for both you and your child.
“Leave your child with memories of a happy, well-balanced childhood. It pays dividends for them in their older life.”
What you say to your child sticks.
Here are some of the most powerful phrases you can say to your children, no matter their age. Repeating these words often shows your unwavering love and support as they grow. Whether your child is a toddler or a teen, these statements can help build their confidence and emotional strength. Make them a regular part of your conversations to reinforce your commitment to their well-being.
As your child grows, how wonderful it would be if they just knew how you valued them and how consistently you talked about matters that mattered to them. The statements below are powerful suggestions of words that can be repeated time and time again over the years. It doesn't matter if children are three years of age or late teenagers. These statements are powerful tools in driving the right message into them. Consider building them into your repertoire.
"I believe in you, no matter what."
Impact: This statement reinforces your unwavering faith in your child's abilities and character, helping them feel confident and supported even during challenging times.
"You are loved just the way you are."
Impact: Letting your child know that they are loved unconditionally helps them feel secure and accepted, fostering a strong sense of self-worth.
"I’m proud of you for being who you are."
Impact: This acknowledgement celebrates your child’s individuality and encourages them to embrace their unique qualities with pride.
"Your feelings matter to me."
Impact: By affirming the importance of their emotions, you validate your child’s experiences and teach them that their thoughts and feelings are valuable.
"You have the strength to overcome any challenge."
Impact: Empowering your child with this belief helps them develop resilience and the confidence to face obstacles with determination.
These statements repeated throughout your child’s life send a very clear message of your unwavering love and support as they grow into well-developed young adults. Repeat them often for a strong effect.
“Use words well around children. They listen with sharp ears.”
Be Present for your child. It supports their mental Health
Being present for your child is one of the most impactful things you can do as a parent. It’s not about grand gestures or extravagant outings; it’s the simple, healthy, and regular engagement that truly nourishes your child's spirit and sense of well-being. Gail Smith emphasizes that these consistent interactions are crucial for your child's mental health. Read on to find out why.
Being present for your child is one of the most impactful things you can do as a parent.
Here are five outstanding reasons why your presence is crucial, particularly for your child’s mental health:
Emotional Security and Trust
When parents are consistently present, children feel secure knowing that they have a reliable support system. This sense of security forms the foundation for trust, which is essential for healthy emotional development.
Mental Health Impact: A secure attachment with parents reduces anxiety and stress, fostering resilience and emotional stability.
Building Self-Esteem
Parental presence, through active engagement and positive reinforcement, helps children develop a strong sense of self-worth. They feel valued when their parents show interest in their thoughts, feelings, and activities.
Mental Health Impact: High self-esteem is closely linked to lower rates of depression and anxiety. Children who feel good about themselves are more likely to take on challenges and develop healthy social relationships.
Role Modelling Positive Behaviour
Children learn by observing their parents. When parents are present, they can model positive behaviours such as empathy, patience, and problem-solving skills, which children are likely to emulate.
Mental Health Impact: Positive role modelling helps children develop healthy coping mechanisms and social skills, reducing the likelihood of developing mental health issues related to poor interpersonal relationships.
Supporting Emotional Expression
Being present allows parents to create a safe space for their children to express their emotions. When children know they can share their feelings without judgement, they learn to process emotions in a healthy way.
Mental Health Impact: This open communication reduces the risk of emotional repression, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges later in life.
Enhancing Cognitive Development
Active involvement in your child’s learning and development—through play, reading, or helping with homework—stimulates their cognitive growth. It also encourages a love for learning and curiosity.
Mental Health Impact: Cognitive stimulation and a positive learning environment reduce stress and anxiety related to school and social pressures. This, in turn, promotes a healthier mental state and a more positive outlook on life.
You can be present with your child in many and varied ways. It does not require perfection but simple healthy, regular engagement with your child nourishes their spirit and sense of well being.
“Enjoy the moments with your child. They become hours, days and fruitful years.”
Mental well being needs to be nourished over the years
Building a healthy mental state in children doesn't happen overnight—it's about cultivating steady, consistent habits within the family. When children learn to explore and inquire about life, they become more resilient, embracing challenges rather than fearing them. Gail Smith offers practical suggestions to help boost your child's mental health, fostering a mindset where curiosity and confidence flourish.
There is no quick fix to building a healthy mental state with our children. Slow steady consistent habits developed in your family can be great boosters for mental health.
Consider:
Affirm the small achievements.
They do not need to be on a large scale but you recognize in your child some simple milestones that they have made. That could be at school, sporting efforts, improved attitudes, showing generosity, demonstrating gratitude etc.
Give them the liberty of talking about issues.
Sometimes we jump in fairly quickly and can place judgement on what they have to say. Just be an effective listener without showing strong opinions and let the conversation flow. You may learn something interesting.
Play and enjoy their childhood.
A happy child who plays often and lives in a world where they can be creative and free show a greater ability to be less stressed throughout life. We all need a good childhood. Play with them.
Gradually build their independence.
From birth, a child is working to be more independent. Your support in giving them small opportunities as the years go by, will give them personal satisfaction in managing themselves. As they grow in independence, they feel emotionally in charge and ready for more challenges. They accept failure more easily and see it as a learning curve.
Let them think critically
A critical thinking child develops strong emotional independence. Talk frequently to your child and let them ask questions often. Guide them in thinking about optional viewpoints and keep their minds open to new ideas. A closed mind is dangerous
A child who learns to inquire about life is not frightened about the challenges it offers. In fact they invite them.
“Those foundation years need ongoing nourishment and enrichment to keep developing good mental health.”
Be the parent and not the friend to your child - that’s what they need
Be your children's best friend or be their parent? While we naturally want to support and comfort our children, sometimes the best way to do that is by making clear, rational decisions—even when it means not always being their best friend. After all, being the best parent often means making tough choices for the well-being of your child.
We all want that close and connected relationship with our child. We sometimes think that being their close friend is the best way to show how much you love your child. Whilst all goes well it may seem a perfect situation but at some point you will need to be the parents as this may come with some stresses and strains on the relationship. Your child really looks for the parent in you and that comes with responsibility and accountability.
The following ideas are sound and compelling reasons why being the parent gives you the greatest chance to have a strong and healthy relationship where you can share friendship and joy in a balanced way. Parents need to be parents, not friends:
1. Boundaries Create Security and Structure for Children!
2. Children Need Guidance, Not Peer-Level Approval!
3. Discipline from a Parent Shapes Responsible Adults!
4. A Parent’s Authority Builds Respect and Trust!
5. Children Look to Parents for Leadership, Not Friendship!
6. Parenting with Authority Encourages Healthy Decision-Making!
We all want to be there for our children when they need us. This may require clear thinking and rational decision making. This does not always mean that you are their best friend but in fact their best parent.
“Your child needs the parent in you. Not the child.”
Encouraging your child to write well
Some children struggle with writing, finding it difficult to start and continue their stories. Parents can help by providing engaging activities that spark motivation. Gail Smith offers suggestions to show children the power of the written word. Read on to discover more on how to encourage your child's writing journey!
Some children find writing a difficult task. They seem to feel blocked and struggle to start stories and certainly struggle to continue with them. Parents can help by providing some stimulating activities for their child to do that are not difficult but can motivate a child to write.
Consider:
Encourage Daily Journaling: Suggest that your child keep a daily journal. Writing about their day, feelings, or even imaginary stories can help them practise and improve their writing skills regularly.
Read Together Regularly: Expose your child to a variety of writing styles by reading together. Discuss the books, focusing on how different authors use language, structure their stories, and create vivid descriptions.
Use Writing Prompts: Provide fun and engaging writing prompts to spark their creativity. Prompts like "Imagine you have a superpower for a day. What would you do?" can make writing exciting and less of a chore.
Play Word Games: Engage in word games like Scrabble or Boggle. These games can expand vocabulary and improve language skills in a playful and interactive way.
Incorporate Technology: Use writing apps and websites designed for kids. Programs like Grammar for Kids or fun writing games online can make writing more engaging and educational. Talk to your child’s teacher about what they would recommend.
Write Letters: Encourage your child to write letters to family members, friends, or even pen pals. Writing letters can be a fun way to practise different writing and communication styles.
Create a Family Newspaper: Start a family newspaper where everyone contributes articles, stories, or comics. This can be a collaborative project that makes writing a shared and enjoyable activity.
Provide Constructive Feedback: When reviewing your child’s writing, offer positive feedback along with gentle suggestions for improvement. Focus on specific aspects, like adding more descriptive words or varying sentence structure.
Use Visual Aids: Encourage your child to create storyboards or mind maps before writing. Visual planning can help them organise their thoughts and improve the overall structure of their writing.
Set a Writing Example: Share your own writing with your child. Show them drafts, edits, and final versions to demonstrate the writing process and the importance of revision and improvement.
Start A Sentence: Make it a game. You start a sentence, and they finish it. “Yesterday I found an interesting rock. It was……”
Play with Reading Books: When you are reading a book occasionally stop. Let them see that the written word has power and invite your child to change the story. Perhaps they could suggest a different ending.
Have plenty of books and magazines around the house and occasionally read little segments from them out loud. A child's imagination will be enlivened when they begin to talk about their passions and interests. When they start to be motivated about something, encourage them to write about it. Let them see that the written word has power.
“When we write, we feel, see and hear the words.’
-Gail J Smith
Six reasons why giving your child quality time works
The time you spend with your child is invaluable and leaves a lasting impact on their sense of being loved and secure. As they grow into teenagers and become more independent, those shared moments become even more precious. Gail Smith shares six surprising benefits of dedicating time to your child in this insightful blog post.
The time you give to your child is valuable and has a lasting effect on their feelings of being loved and feeling secure.
Here are six surprising outcomes when you give of your time to your child:
Your effort:
Promotes Creativity: Engaging in imaginative play with parents stimulates children's creative thinking and problem-solving skills.
Reduces Stress: Shared activities and positive interactions can lower stress levels in children, leading to better overall mental health.
Teaches Conflict Resolution: Quality time allows parents to model healthy ways to handle
disagreements, helping children develop strong conflict resolution skills.
Enhances Cultural Awareness: Parents can introduce children to diverse cultures and traditions, broadening their understanding of the world.
Improves Physical Health: Active play and shared physical activities encourage healthy habits and improve physical fitness.
Fosters Independence: By spending time together, parents can teach essential life skills, empowering children to become more self-reliant and confident in their abilities.
Giving quality time to your child is all about sharing more of your life with them. There will come a time when they disappear out of sight and we struggle to bring them into our presence. This is of course the teenage years. Therefore value those moments you share together. It is rewarded a hundred fold.
“Shared time with your child builds strong mental health in all the family”
It is important to speak well to your children
Children quickly pick up on what you say and how you say it, understanding the value you place on them. Gail Smith highlights six compelling reasons why speaking positively to children is crucial and the potential harm caused when we don’t. This insightful blog post sheds light on the importance of nurturing communication.
Speaking well to children is a language all its own. Children register very quickly from what you say and how you say it, what kind of value you place in them.
Here are six sound reasons why speaking well to children is important and it also highlights damage that can be caused if we do not speak well.
Building Self-Esteem
When children hear positive words and encouragement, they feel valued and loved. This helps them develop a healthy sense of self-worth.
However, harsh words can make children doubt their abilities and feel unimportant, leading to low self-esteem.
Fostering Emotional Security
Kind and understanding words create a safe emotional environment. Children feel secure knowing they can express themselves without fear of judgement. However, negative communication can make children anxious or fearful, feeling like they must always be on guard.
Encouraging Positive Behaviour
Praise and positive reinforcement motivate children to repeat good behaviour and make better choices. However, constant criticism can lead to rebellion or a lack of motivation to try their best.
Developing Language Skills
Hearing rich and positive language helps children expand their vocabulary and communication skills, crucial for their overall development. However, exposure to negative or limited language can hinder their ability to express themselves effectively.
Modelling Respectful Communication
Children learn by observing. Speaking well to them teaches them how to communicate respectfully with others. However, if children hear harsh or disrespectful language, they might imitate this behaviour in their interactions.
Strengthening Parent-Child Bond
Positive communication fosters a strong, trusting relationship between parents and children, which is the foundation for a healthy family dynamic. However, negative interactions can create distance and weaken the parent-child bond, making it harder for children to confide in their parents.
When a child feels confident to talk to you about important matters and when they are relaxed in how they communicate with you, this is a sign that you are speaking well to your child. All they want is to feel safe through your dialogue and welcomed in your conversations.
“Speak well to your child and they will speak well back.”
How To Keep Your Anger Under Control Around Children
Feeling angry from time to time is natural, especially when tired or overwhelmed, but frequent displays of anger can significantly impact children. Intermittent anger can confuse and distress them, often causing them to withdraw. Gail Smith shares useful strategies to help you manage your anger.
Being angry from time to time is natural. We cannot be even tempered all the time and there are often triggers that will set us off. Tiredness and being over busy are catalysts for feeling anger. We know that children can become quite anxious if a parent shows a lot of anger from time to time. Intermittent anger can be very confusing for a child and they will often withdraw when that happens. Uncontrolled anger from a parent can have severe effects on a child.
Below are some recommendations to practise reducing your anger. They are excellent strategies to use which will also have a calming effect on yourself. This will benefit your moods and overall well being. There is strength in calmness.
Consider:
Practice Deep Breathing: When you feel anger rising, take a moment to breathe deeply. Inhale slowly for a count of four, hold for a count of four, and exhale for a count of four. Repeat this a few times to help calm your mind and body.
Take a Timeout: Just like children, parents can benefit from a timeout. If you feel overwhelmed, step away for a few minutes to collect your thoughts. This can help prevent you from saying or doing something in anger that you might regret later.
Identify Triggers: Pay attention to what specific situations or behaviours trigger your anger. Understanding your triggers allows you to anticipate and manage them better, reducing the likelihood of an outburst.
Use Positive Self-Talk: Remind yourself that anger is a natural emotion but it can be controlled. Use phrases like “I can handle this calmly” or “I am in control of my emotions” to re frame your mindset in stressful situations.
Implement Physical Activity: Physical exercise is a great way to release built-up tension and stress. Incorporate regular physical activity into your routine, whether it’s a daily walk, yoga, or a quick workout, to help manage your anger levels.
Communicate Openly: Express your feelings in a calm and constructive manner. Use “I” statements to explain how you feel and why, without blaming or criticising your child. For example, say “I feel frustrated when the toys are left out because it makes the room messy” instead of “You never clean up your toys.”
Be Authentic: Your child knows you well. Talk to them about the things that can make you upset and this will help them take more responsibility when they bring up certain topics. It is also a positive family thing to do when families talk about what makes them angry.
Through managing your anger you are setting a great example for your child. They will see the effort being made and recognise that controlling anger is a necessary skill to live effectively.
‘Being calm, you show strength through your actions.’
-Gail J Smith
Persevering as a parent makes such a difference to your child
Parenting can be incredibly challenging, especially on days when you’re exhausted and overwhelmed. While scaling back on some parenting responsibilities might ease your burden, remember that perseverance will ultimately pay off. Gail Smith highlights the benefits of maintaining perseverance in parenting.
At times it can be so difficult to keep up the parenting especially when you are tired and have a lot on your mind. Of course simply toning down the parenting is a great idea to ease some pressure from you, but your endurance and doing the hard yards will pay off.
Consider when you are consistent:
You build strong Bonds
Perseverance fosters deep, lasting relationships. By sticking with your child through thick and thin, you create a strong bond built on trust and love. This connection provides a safe foundation for them to grow and thrive.
You model Resilience
Children learn by watching their parents. When they see you handling challenges with grace and determination, they learn resilience. This invaluable lesson will help them navigate their own obstacles in life with courage and confidence.
You encourage Independence
Through consistent support and guidance, children gain the confidence to explore and learn on their own. Your perseverance helps them develop the skills and independence needed to succeed in the world.
You foster Emotional Stability
Children need stability to feel secure. By being a constant presence in their lives, you provide a sense of security that allows them to express their emotions freely and develop a healthy emotional foundation.
You celebrate Milestones Together
Persevering through the tough times makes the joyous moments even sweeter. Celebrating your child's achievements, big or small, becomes more meaningful when you’ve been there every step of the way.
You create a Legacy of Love
Your unwavering support leaves a lasting impact on your child's life. They will remember your love and dedication and likely pass these values on to their own children, creating a legacy of love and perseverance that spans generations.
Above all, remember that you are human and there is no such thing as a perfect parent. When you are feeling vulnerable, be honest and tell your child that today is not my best day and perhaps we will do things differently. Your child simply wants honesty and acceptance. They will respond better to your moods and temperament if they understand them better.
“Be open and honest with your child: it pays off overtime.”
Keep A Look Out For Signs Of Stress In Your Child
In today's world, we often check in on our children's mental health. Social media and other challenges faced by youth remind us to stay vigilant. Gail Smith points out some common triggers that may indicate your child is under too much stress. By recognizing these signs, you can better gauge your child's well-being and offer support when needed. It's important to keep an eye out for these cues to ensure your child feels safe and supported.
We live in a world where we intermittently check in on our children's mental health. The pressures through social media and other youth-driven challenges alert us to the need to be vigilant. Below are some known triggers that can be a sign of unacceptable stress in your child. Some stress is normal, and we live with it, finding ways to work it through our life. However, when stress is out of control, we need to intervene. Occasionally tap into your child's well-being index by checking in to these signs:
Changes in Sleep Patterns
Difficulty falling or staying asleep or frequent nightmares can indicate stress. Conversely, a child may sleep excessively to escape stressful feelings.
Behavioural Changes
Increased irritability, mood swings, or withdrawal from family and friends can be signs of stress. A usually outgoing child becoming withdrawn or a calm child suddenly acting out can be indicators.
Physical Symptoms
Complaints of headaches, stomachaches, or other unexplained physical symptoms can manifest as stress. These symptoms often occur without a medical cause and can be recurring.
Academic Performance
A sudden drop in grades, lack of interest in school, or difficulty concentrating on schoolwork can be signs of stress. Stress can impact cognitive functions and overall academic engagement. Always check first with the teacher.
Changes in Eating Habits
Noticeable changes in appetite, such as eating much more or much less than usual, can be a response to stress. This includes skipping meals or binge eating.
Regression to Earlier Behaviours
Reverting to behaviours typical of a younger age, such as bed wetting, clinginess, or thumb-sucking, can indicate that a child is experiencing stress and is seeking comfort.
Frequent Crying
A child who cries easily or often without a clear reason may be experiencing stress. This can be a way for them to release pent-up emotions.
Avoidance Behaviours
A child might try to avoid certain situations or activities that they previously enjoyed, or that are typical for their age group. This could include avoiding school, social events, or specific tasks.
Increased Dependency
A stressed child may become more clingy or dependent on their parents or caregivers, seeking constant reassurance and comfort.
Excessive Worrying or Fearfulness
Persistent worry about various aspects of their life, including school, family, or friends, can be a sign of stress. This might manifest as asking repetitive questions about upcoming events or expressing fears that seem disproportionate to the situation.
When you build a relationship that is open and honest with your child, you will find that your child is more willing to talk to you about their feelings of stress. The above thoughts are just a guiding tool to raise your awareness of symptoms of unacceptable stress that may appear in your child from time to time.
The stress your child feels will be lightened by your ever loving and understanding presence. -Gail J Smith