Opinions: Can be damning to a child if not managed well

We all have opinions. What we need to teach our children is that you do not judge yourself on what others think of you. From an early age we remind our children that they are worthy of making good judgements for themselves.

Teach your children that:

• What other people say about or to you can only affect you if you believe them. This is all about building their self worth.

• You are in charge of how you feel. When you get others bringing you down keep reminding yourself that they have no value at all.

• No one can make you feel inferior without our consent, said Eleanor Roosevelt. Therefore, you do not give anyone consent to put you down.

• Be proud of your opinions and know that they are valued. Not everyone may believe them but they are yours to own and to express to others. After all success comes from believing in yourself.

• Gravitate around positive people that are not in the habit of bringing people down. This makes for happier lasting friendships.

• People that have strong opinions about others are usually very poor listeners and are not interesting to be around as a friend. In fact they can bring you down very easily as they control the conversations usually in a negative way.

• Choose friends wisely as this will be a big boost to a happy childhood.

Finally teach your children that you are there to listen to them with no judgement and that you value what they have to say. With affirming parenting, they will take advantage of your wisdom.

“Listen to your child’s opinions and applaud their creative approach to life.”

— Gail J Smith

What lifelong lessons do you want your child to adopt?

There are many lessons we teach our children but there are some that will have a longer life and will be of much value if they adopt them when they are adults. For example, you may teach your child how to ride a bike but how does that compare to teaching them how to be a well-rounded person with strong values and a love for life.

Consider the following beliefs and maybe some may particularly resonate with you:

"You are loved unconditionally."

• Lesson: No matter what happens, you are always loved and accepted for who you are.

• How to teach: Show affection through words and actions daily. When they make mistakes, reassure them that mistakes don’t change your love for them. This creates emotional security.

"Your feelings are valid."

• Lesson: It's okay to feel angry, sad, happy, or confused. All emotions are part of being human.

• How to teach: Acknowledge and talk through their emotions without judgement. If they’re upset, say, "I see you're upset; it's okay to feel that way. Let's figure it out together."

"It's okay to fail; failure is how we learn."

• Lesson: Failure is a natural part of life and leads to growth.

• How to teach: Share your own failures and what you learned from them. Encourage them to try new things without fear of messing up. Praise their efforts, not just their success.

"Be kind to yourself and others."

• Lesson: Self-compassion is just as important as being kind to others.

• How to teach: Model self-kindness by speaking positively about yourself in front of them. Teach empathy by helping them understand how others feel and encouraging acts of kindness.

"You are enough just as you are."

• Lesson: You don’t need to change to be worthy of love and respect.

• How to teach: Regularly remind them of their worth. Say things like, "You are amazing just the way you are." Celebrate their unique traits and talents, reinforcing that they don't need to compare themselves to others.

"Challenges make you stronger."

• Lesson: Difficulties and obstacles help you grow and build resilience.

• How to teach: When they face a challenge, encourage them to keep going, reassuring them that struggles are part of life. Share examples of people who overcame adversity and how it shaped them.

"You always have choices."

• Lesson: Even in tough situations, you have the power to choose how you respond.

• How to teach: Give them choices from a young age, allowing them to make decisions and understand the consequences. Teach them that they can’t control everything, but they can control how they react.

"Take care of your mind and body."

• Lesson: Your mental and physical well-being are interconnected, and both need care.

• How to teach: Teach healthy habits like eating well, staying active, and practicing mindfulness. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and take breaks when overwhelmed.

"Be true to yourself."

• Lesson: Follow your heart, and don’t live to please others.

• How to teach: Encourage self-expression and support their interests, even if they are different from your own. Reinforce the idea that their happiness is not about pleasing others but about being authentic.

"Life is a journey, not a race."

• Lesson: There’s no need to rush; it’s okay to move at your own pace.

• How to teach: Avoid pressuring them to achieve milestones quickly. Help them appreciate the process of learning and growing instead of focusing solely on outcomes.

Simply use life experiences to teach the above lessons. There will be plenty of occasions along their journey to adulthood to test some of the beliefs above. Keep in mind that your example of how you live life will be an important guideline for your child especially if they see that you are happy in the choices you make.

“Every child deserves a champion- an adult who understands the power of connection and insists that they become the best that can possibly be.”

— Rita Pierson

Parents can teach their children to make wiser choices.

As your child matures they begin to develop reasoning and start to reflect on a deeper understanding of what life and decisions are all about. As a parent you can encourage behaviour that will lead to your child valuing wiser decisions.

Consider the following:

Encourage Thinking Ahead

Parent: “Before you make a decision, try to think about what might happen next. For example, if you choose to stay up late playing games, you might be too tired for school the next day. What do you think is the best choice?”

• Lesson: Helps children develop foresight by considering the consequences of their actions.

Ask Questions, Don’t Just Give Answers

Parent: “What do you think will happen if you share your toy? How would you feel if someone did the same for you?”

• Lesson: Teaches them to evaluate situations from different perspectives rather than just reacting impulsively.

Teach the Power of Pausing

Parent: “When you feel unsure or upset, it’s okay to pause for a moment before making a choice. Taking a deep breath can help you think more clearly.”

• Lesson: Encourages emotional regulation and thoughtful decision-making, rather than acting on impulse.

Model Wise Decision-Making

Parent: “I was going to buy this thing, but then I realized we don’t really need it right now. I’ll wait until we save more money, and if we still want it then, I’ll get it.”

• Lesson: Children learn from observing how their parents weigh options and make responsible choices.

Give Them Controlled Choices

Parent: “You can choose to do your homework now and have free time later, or you can play now and have less time for fun later. What do you think is the better choice?”

• Lesson: Provides practice with decision-making and lets them experience the outcomes of their choices in a safe, controlled environment.

Discuss Past Decisions

Parent: “Remember when you didn’t wear a jacket last time and got cold? How will you choose differently today when it’s chilly?”

• Lesson: Reflecting on past decisions helps children connect past experiences to better future choices.

Teach Problem-Solving Steps

Parent: “When you have to make a choice, try to follow these steps: 1) Identify the problem, 2) Think of possible solutions, 3) Consider what might happen with each solution, and 4) Make your choice.”

• Lesson: Provides a framework for making informed decisions and builds confidence in their ability to think through problems.

Explain the Impact of Peer Pressure

Parent: “Sometimes friends might ask you to do something that doesn’t feel right. It’s okay to say no if you think it’s not a good choice for you.”

• Lesson: Helps them understand the importance of staying true to their own values and making independent choices, even under pressure.

These examples help guide children in learning to pause, think, and consider the consequences of their actions, leading to wiser decision-making over time.

Teaching wisdom from an early age will lead your child to make and want decisions based on clear thinking and planned decision making. This will help them cope better with the rigours of adolescence, peer group pressure etc.

“Be a wise parent and teach your child the value of making wise decisions.”

— Gail J Smith

Teaching children about the value of making good choices

We can all choose to make choices that can either hinder or enlighten our lives. For example you can choose to have a go or you can choose to not have a go. We should encourage our children to learn the difference and to understand that when we make those choices they can affect our life in different ways.

Who we are is a result of the choices we make.

Consider the following ideas about the impact on a child when they make their own choices:

Promotes Responsibility: When children learn that their choices have consequences, they develop a sense of accountability. They understand that choosing to work hard or make responsible decisions directly impacts their success and happiness.

Builds Self-Confidence: Allowing children to make choices reinforces their belief in their own abilities. Whether they succeed or fail, knowing that they had the power to choose builds confidence in their decision-making skills.

Fosters Independence: By making their own decisions, children learn to rely on themselves instead of always seeking approval or guidance from others. This fosters independence and helps them navigate life with more confidence.

Develops Critical Thinking: When children are taught to weigh the pros and cons of their choices, they develop critical thinking skills. They learn how to assess situations, predict outcomes, and make thoughtful decisions rather than impulsive ones.

Supports Emotional Growth: Understanding that they have control over their actions and thoughts (e.g. choosing to think positively) helps children manage their emotions. They learn that their choices can influence how they feel and respond to situations, which is key to emotional resilience.

These lessons empower children to shape their lives with intention and self-awareness. Don’t forget to affirm them when you see positive outcomes from choices they make themselves.

“The more a child experiences positive outcomes from making good choices, the more insight they develop about themselves.”

— Gail J Smith

Let’s look at conversations to have with your child

Here are five great conversation topics that parents can frequently discuss with their children to support mental health, foster a positive disposition, and reassure them of being loved. Frequent positive reminders are healthy ways to give a positive outlook to a growing child and to build emotional intelligence.

Emotions and Feelings

• Topic: "How are you feeling today? It's okay to have all kinds of emotions."

• Purpose: Encourage emotional expression and validation of feelings. This helps children understand that it’s normal to have a range of emotions and that their feelings are important.

• Reassuring Message: "No matter how you feel, I'm always here to listen and support you."

Self-Worth and Inner Strength

• Topic: "What do you think makes you special or unique?"

• Purpose: This encourages self-reflection and builds self-esteem by helping the child recognize their strengths, talents, and individuality.

• Reassuring Message: "You are amazing just the way you are, and I love you for who you are."

Challenges and Problem-Solving

• Topic: "What was something challenging today, and how did you handle it?"

• Purpose: Encouraging conversations about handling challenges reinforces resilience and problem-solving skills, helping children approach difficulties with a positive mindset.

• Reassuring Message: "No matter what happens, you’re strong, and I believe in your ability to get through tough times."

Gratitude and Positivity

• Topic: "What are three things you’re thankful for today?"

• Purpose: Fostering gratitude can shift the focus toward the positive aspects of life, promoting optimism and mental well-being.

• Reassuring Message: "Even when things are hard, there’s always something good, and I’m grateful to have you in my life."

Love and Belonging

• Topic: "What’s something fun we could do together soon?"

• Purpose: Strengthen the parent-child bond by focusing on shared experiences, making the child feel valued and connected.

• Reassuring Message: "You are always loved, no matter what, and spending time with you makes me happy."

Frequent conversations on these topics not only build a child's mental resilience but also provide the emotional security that they are loved and supported unconditionally. Every child needs reassurance and will from time to time need that extra reassurance that their world is fine.

“A parent’s positive reassurance is a life line to a child.”

— Gail J Smith

What you say to your child sticks.

As your child grows, how wonderful it would be if they just knew how you valued them and how consistently you talked about matters that mattered to them. The statements below are powerful suggestions of words that can be repeated time and time again over the years. It doesn't matter if children are three years of age or late teenagers. These statements are powerful tools in driving the right message into them. Consider building them into your repertoire.

"I believe in you, no matter what."

Impact: This statement reinforces your unwavering faith in your child's abilities and character, helping them feel confident and supported even during challenging times.

"You are loved just the way you are."

Impact: Letting your child know that they are loved unconditionally helps them feel secure and accepted, fostering a strong sense of self-worth.

"I’m proud of you for being who you are."

Impact: This acknowledgement celebrates your child’s individuality and encourages them to embrace their unique qualities with pride.

"Your feelings matter to me."

Impact: By affirming the importance of their emotions, you validate your child’s experiences and teach them that their thoughts and feelings are valuable.

"You have the strength to overcome any challenge."

Impact: Empowering your child with this belief helps them develop resilience and the confidence to face obstacles with determination.

These statements repeated throughout your child’s life send a very clear message of your unwavering love and support as they grow into well-developed young adults. Repeat them often for a strong effect.

“Use words well around children. They listen with sharp ears.”

— -Gail J Smith

Mental well being needs to be nourished over the years

There is no quick fix to building a healthy mental state with our children. Slow steady consistent habits developed in your family can be great boosters for mental health.

Consider:

• Affirm the small achievements.

  They do not need to be on a large scale but you recognize in your child some simple milestones that they have made. That could be at school, sporting efforts, improved attitudes, showing generosity, demonstrating gratitude etc.

• Give them the liberty of talking about issues.

  Sometimes we jump in fairly quickly and can place judgement on what they have to say. Just be an effective listener without showing strong opinions and let the conversation flow. You may learn something interesting.

• Play and enjoy their childhood.

  A happy child who plays often and lives in a world where they can be creative and free show a greater ability to be less stressed throughout life. We all need a good childhood. Play with them.

• Gradually build their independence.

  From birth, a child is working to be more independent. Your support in giving them small opportunities as the years go by, will give them personal satisfaction in managing themselves. As they grow in independence, they feel emotionally in charge and ready for more challenges. They accept failure more easily and see it as a learning curve.

• Let them think critically

  A critical thinking child develops strong emotional independence. Talk frequently to your child and let them ask questions often. Guide them in thinking about optional viewpoints and keep their minds open to new ideas. A closed mind is dangerous

A child who learns to inquire about life is not frightened about the challenges it offers. In fact they invite them.

“Those foundation years need ongoing nourishment and enrichment to keep developing good mental health.”

— Gail J Smith

It is important to speak well to your children

Speaking well to children is a language all its own. Children register very quickly from what you say and how you say it, what kind of value you place in them.

Here are six sound reasons why speaking well to children is important and it also highlights damage that can be caused if we do not speak well.

Building Self-Esteem

• When children hear positive words and encouragement, they feel valued and loved. This helps them develop a healthy sense of self-worth.

• However, harsh words can make children doubt their abilities and feel unimportant, leading to low self-esteem.

Fostering Emotional Security

Kind and understanding words create a safe emotional environment. Children feel secure knowing they can express themselves without fear of judgement. However, negative communication can make children anxious or fearful, feeling like they must always be on guard.

Encouraging Positive Behaviour

Praise and positive reinforcement motivate children to repeat good behaviour and make better choices. However, constant criticism can lead to rebellion or a lack of motivation to try their best.

Developing Language Skills

Hearing rich and positive language helps children expand their vocabulary and communication skills, crucial for their overall development. However, exposure to negative or limited language can hinder their ability to express themselves effectively.

Modelling Respectful Communication

Children learn by observing. Speaking well to them teaches them how to communicate respectfully with others. However, if children hear harsh or disrespectful language, they might imitate this behaviour in their interactions.

Strengthening Parent-Child Bond

Positive communication fosters a strong, trusting relationship between parents and children, which is the foundation for a healthy family dynamic. However, negative interactions can create distance and weaken the parent-child bond, making it harder for children to confide in their parents.

When a child feels confident to talk to you about important matters and when they are relaxed in how they communicate with you, this is a sign that you are speaking well to your child. All they want is to feel safe through your dialogue and welcomed in your conversations.

“Speak well to your child and they will speak well back.”

— Gail J Smith

Keep A Look Out For Signs Of Stress In Your Child

We live in a world where we intermittently check in on our children's mental health. The pressures through social media and other youth-driven challenges alert us to the need to be vigilant. Below are some known triggers that can be a sign of unacceptable stress in your child. Some stress is normal, and we live with it, finding ways to work it through our life. However, when stress is out of control, we need to intervene.  Occasionally tap into your child's well-being index by checking in to these signs:

Changes in Sleep Patterns

Difficulty falling or staying asleep or frequent nightmares can indicate stress. Conversely, a child may sleep excessively to escape stressful feelings.

Behavioural Changes

Increased irritability, mood swings, or withdrawal from family and friends can be signs of stress. A usually outgoing child becoming withdrawn or a calm child suddenly acting out can be indicators.

Physical Symptoms

 Complaints of headaches, stomachaches, or other unexplained physical symptoms can manifest as stress. These symptoms often occur without a medical cause and can be recurring.

Academic Performance

 A sudden drop in grades, lack of interest in school, or difficulty concentrating on schoolwork can be signs of stress. Stress can impact cognitive functions and overall academic engagement. Always check first with the teacher.

Changes in Eating Habits

Noticeable changes in appetite, such as eating much more or much less than usual, can be a response to stress. This includes skipping meals or binge eating.

Regression to Earlier Behaviours

 Reverting to behaviours typical of a younger age, such as bed wetting, clinginess, or thumb-sucking, can indicate that a child is experiencing stress and is seeking comfort.

 Frequent Crying

A child who cries easily or often without a clear reason may be experiencing stress. This can be a way for them to release pent-up emotions.

Avoidance Behaviours

 A child might try to avoid certain situations or activities that they previously enjoyed, or that are typical for their age group. This could include avoiding school, social events, or specific tasks.

Increased Dependency

 A stressed child may become more clingy or dependent on their parents or caregivers, seeking constant reassurance and comfort.

Excessive Worrying or Fearfulness

Persistent worry about various aspects of their life, including school, family, or friends, can be a sign of stress. This might manifest as asking repetitive questions about upcoming events or expressing fears that seem disproportionate to the situation.

When you build a relationship that is open and honest with your child, you will find that your child is more willing to talk to you about their feelings of stress. The above thoughts are just a guiding tool to raise your awareness of symptoms of unacceptable stress that may appear in your child from time to time.

 The stress your child feels will be lightened by your ever loving and understanding presence.  -Gail J Smith

Be Authentic With Your Child - It Builds Strong And Trusting Relationships

 Builds Trust

When you are honest and genuine with your child, you build a foundation of trust. They learn that they can rely on you to be truthful, which strengthens your bond and makes them feel secure. This means that they will come to you more with tricky problems.

Models Healthy Relationships

Being real with your child shows them how to have healthy, authentic relationships. They see how to express their feelings, communicate openly, and resolve conflicts, which are vital skills for their future interactions. This encourages strong stable friendships with others.

 Encourages Emotional Growth

Children learn how to process and express their emotions by observing their parents. When you are authentic about your own feelings, you teach your child that it's okay to feel and express a wide range of emotions. Your child becomes less intimidated to express their feelings in front of others.

 Promotes Self-Acceptance

When parents are real, it shows children that it's okay to be themselves. They learn that they don't have to hide their true selves to be loved and accepted, fostering their self-esteem and self-acceptance. This is all about liking yourself, and you do not need to prove anything to others.

 Enhances Communication

Being genuine encourages open and honest communication. Your child will feel more comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with you, leading to better understanding and connection. This means they feel in an environment of complete trust.

 Prepares Them for the Real World

Life isn't always perfect, and being authentic helps your child understand this reality. They learn to deal with disappointments, setbacks, and challenges more effectively when they see their parents handling real-life situations with honesty and resilience.

Being authentic allows you to be yourself in all its glory and with all its failures. Your child needs to see the real you and to learn from your life journey. It is so much easier parenting when you are not pretending to be something different.

Never Underestimate How Important You Are To Your Child At Any Age

How easy it is to forget the value that our children place on us. At times we feel their trust and love have diminished but it actually hibernates for a while as they grow through different stages. Our children are on a mission from childbirth to be independent and that journey can often challenge their relationship with us. However, their great desire is ultimately to take us with them into adulthood. The thoughts below are an excellent reminder of how valuable we are to our children.

• Parents are the original Google. They answer endless questions about the world, from why the sky is blue to why you can't have ice cream for breakfast (even though they secretly wish they could too).

• No matter how many times you "decorate" the walls with crayons or bring home a pet frog, parents love you anyway. They're the ultimate cheerleaders, always in your corner.

• Parents show you how to be an adult. From tying your shoes to filing taxes, they model the art of surviving and thriving in the grown-up world. Plus, they’re living proof that yes, you can survive without a nap.

• Parents are like a safety net in a circus act. When life gets wobbly, they're there to catch you, dust you off, and send you back into the ring, with a little more wisdom each time.

• Whether it's a skinned knee or a broken heart, parents are the go-to fixers. They're like emotional band-aids, always ready to make the hurt feel a little less painful with a hug or a cookie.

• Parents teach you the difference between right and wrong, like why it's not okay to swipe your sibling's dessert (even if they weren't eating it fast enough).

• From cooking a meal to changing a tyre, parents equip you with the skills you need to navigate life. They're the original DIY experts, minus the YouTube tutorials.

• Parents can be surprisingly fun. They tell the best (or worst) jokes, make silly faces, and sometimes dance in the kitchen like no one is watching, even when everyone is.

Every now and again, when you feel the fatigue of parenting or think that you are making no difference, keep in mind that parenting is a long-haul process. It is not so much geared to short-term success, but it is more about the ongoing support and unconditional love you show them.

If you are emotionally and physically present for your child, you are a parent with impact.

Gail J Smith

It really matters to listen to your child

Listening to your child will make all the difference in building and strengthening that important relationship with them. Here are 5 very clear reasons why it does matter to listen well.

1. Builds Trust and Connection:

Why it matters: When parents actively listen to their children, it fosters a sense of trust and strengthens the parent-child bond. Children feel valued and understood. They are then more likely to share their thoughts and feelings.

2. Encourages Emotional Intelligence:

Why it matters: Listening helps children learn to express their emotions and understand others. By validating their feelings and discussing them, parents can guide children in developing empathy.

3. Promotes Problem-Solving Skills:

Why it matters: When parents listen and engage in conversations about challenges, children learn to think critically and come up with solutions. This practice enhances their problem-solving abilities and independence.

4. Enhances Communication Skills:

Why it matters: Children who are listened to tend to become better communicators. They learn how to articulate their thoughts clearly and respectfully, skills that are crucial for their personal and professional lives.

5. Identifies and Addresses Issues Early:

Why it matters: Active listening allows parents to detect any issues or concerns their children may be facing early on. This early intervention can prevent problems from escalating and makes for a calmer house.

“There is so much to gain by listening well to your child.”

— Gail J Smith

Let's get our kids involved in sport and fitness

As a family you can have quite an influence on your child developing a love for physical activities and sport. Your home can become an active environment where sport and fitness are highly valued as lifestyles. As a result, your child will see that enjoying and participating in sport is a way of life.

Consider:

Be Active Together: Set aside time for family activities like biking, hiking, or playing catch. Seeing you enjoy physical activity will inspire them to join in.

Find Their Interest: Expose them to various sports and activities to see what they enjoy most. Whether it is soccer, swimming, or dance, finding something they love increases their motivation. They will one it if they choose it!

Celebrate Efforts, Not Just Wins: Praise their participation and effort in sports, not just victories. This builds confidence and demonstrates simply the joy of being involved.

Create a Fun Environment: Make physical activity fun with games and playful challenges. Organize neighbourhood play dates or mini-tournaments with their friends. Use your backyard for sporty games with balls. Netball rings etc.

Set a Routine: Incorporate regular physical activity into their daily schedule. Consistency will breed more interest in repeating the activities.

Limit Screen Time: Encourage breaks from screens by setting specific times for physical activities. This can be all part of your weekly home routine.

Involve Their Friends: Arrange play dates or group activities with their friends. Children are more likely to engage in sports if their friends are participating too.

Join a Local Team or Class: Sign them up for local sports teams or classes. Being part of a team provides structure, social interaction, and a sense of belonging, which can be very motivating. Share in the sports activities by being a coach or becoming a member of the club etc.

Set Goals and Track Progress: Help them set achievable goals and track their progress. Celebrate milestones, no matter how small, to keep them motivated and focused. Smaller and more frequent goals are the best.

Active family conversation: Be a family that enjoys talking about sports. Celebrate some great achievements that you hear about such as the Matildas and Australia winning international events etc.

Developing good mental health in your child

We hear much about the importance of strengthening our children's mental health. We understand that in childhood there are certain cues that can activate positive thoughts about themselves. Here are some suggestions to strengthen your child's mental health on those sensitive early years.

Consider:

• Be a talkative family that likes to openly discuss everything. Do this from an early age. They need to feel they can talk to you about their problems.

• Demonstrate healthy ways to cope with stress and emotions, as children often

  mimic their parents. Look more on the brighter side of life when working

  through problems.

• Provide structure with consistent daily routines to create a sense of stability

  and security.

• Help your child build strong, supportive friendships and connections with

  family members. Let them invite friends into your house. Accept all their

  friends they will come and go over the years.

• Encourage regular exercise, which can boost mood and overall mental well-

  being. Join them in games and physical exercise.

• Introduce simple mindfulness exercises or relaxation techniques to help your

  child manage stress. This can be done as a routine with the family. Make it an

  enjoyable time together.

• Monitor and limit the amount of time your child spends on screens to ensure

  they engage in diverse activities. Leading an active family life will help cut

  down this time.

• Support your child in exploring and developing their interests and talents. Show interest in their passions and hobbies no matter how unusual they may

  seem to you.

• Acknowledge and praise your child's efforts and achievements to build their

  self-esteem. Find the time to catch them when they are good even over small

  deeds.

• Spend quality time with your child, showing that you are there for them and

  interested in their lives. Always keep promises that you will follow up with

  conversations.

When a child lives in an environment that gives them the scope to express themselves in different ways they learn to be creative which is such a stress buster and a wonderful way to nurture good mental health.

“The foundation to good mental health in a child is to feel safe and happy in themselves.”

— Gail J Smith

Ten Steps to more effective parenting

Here is a checklist to help you reflect on some good parenting habits. As parents we are not perfect and sometimes changing life situations have a way of limiting our ability to do our best. However, it is worth checking in to see how you can from time to time improve on your parenting style. You will probably surprise yourself that you are doing a great job!

Consider:

• Always keep up boosting your child’s sense of self-worth. They need to feel valued. If it comes from you it is special.

• Notice the times when you can reward them. We call this catching them when they are good. This can be for little things, ‘How clever you are to open that box. It seems tightly sealed.’

• Setting boundaries are important. A child feels safer with boundaries and needs to be clear with the directions you give them. Try not to overload them with too many directions and instructions.

• Always find time for your child. They grow quickly but need your constant presence in their life especially when they are young.

• Your image with your child is critical if you want them to follow your values. Your modelling will have a big impact on how they see and interpret the world.

• Always work hard to make communication a key feature of your relationship. Find the time to talk to them and listen with sensitivity to what they have to say.

• As a parent you will need to be flexible and open to frequent changes. A child’s life is not static and prepare to grow yourself as a parent over the years.

• To show that your love is unconditional having a strong and constant presence in their life is so important. You will, from time to time be disappointed but your love does not come with conditions.

• Try to introduce some regular patterns into family life. This could be the ritual of a family meal together, reading at bed time etc. Children find ritual comforting.

• Try to be a positive person. We know that sound mental health can be directly linked to having a positive disposition. A child feels more secure around a happy parent.

• Try not to make judgements too quickly when your child talks to you about challenging situations. They need to feel safe talking to you without feeling that you will disapprove.

All our children ask of us is to be the best we can. That means being authentic, accepting your mistakes and treating them with the dignity and care that you wish for yourself.

“Parenthood... it’s about guiding the next generation and forgiving the last.’”

— Peter Krause

Let’s reflect on how we are going in our parenting

Every now and again it is worth checking in to see how you are travelling as a parent. Here are some thoughts that may trigger some simple changes that benefit you in building a stronger relationship with your child.

• How do you feel about your current communication with your child? Do you think you are communicating well? Keep in mind the importance of simply listening to your child.

• Are there areas in your parenting where you feel confident, and where do you feel you could improve? Think about how you could improve in certain areas. Perhaps look on line for courses or simply chat to other parents. It is wonderful to do some critical reflection in this area.

• What strategies do you use to connect with your child on an emotional level? Think about how you talk about emotions. Are you an open person in this area of communication or not?

• How do you handle conflicts or disagreements with your child? Do you need to work on this area, learning to be more compromising and prepared to be a negotiator? This can be quite a stopping block in communicating with our children.

• Are you satisfied with the balance between setting boundaries and fostering independence in your child? Are you prepared to keep adjusting that line of giving your child progressively more independence? They of course will keep up the demand for more independence overtime.

• What values or principles do you prioritize in your parenting approach? Am I prepared to accept other values? Remember we don’t have access to all the truth about such matters as dress, proper language, beliefs etc.

• How do you manage stress or frustration when parenting becomes challenging? This is an area that we need to reflect on as we model so much to our children. Your anxiety can easily transfer to them.

• Are there any specific aspects of your relationship with your child that you would like to strengthen? It is always good to reflect on the quality of our parenting as our children grow and change overtime and their parenting needs keep shifting.

• How do you express love and appreciation to your child? Children need regularly to be nurtured and reassured. Do you need to press the refresh button in this area from time to time.

• What changes, if any, would you like to make in your parenting style or approach? If you genuinely feel a need for change there are many parenting courses on offer. The more we understand about parenting, the safer and more reliable the journey as a parent.

• Do I think I am getting my own needs met and my feelings of self worth as a parent? Feeling mentally strong and healthy yourself will make all the difference to your parenting.

Finally, always keep everything in perspective. Parenting is part of the human condition and it is not a perfect discipline. We are constantly evolving as parents and growing children and with that comes shifting demands and needs of parenting. Some of it is trial and error. Some comes automatically, some comes learnt from family habits and some is simply learnt on the spot. Parenting is a very fluid process of adjusting to constantly developing needs of children. As our children grow, we should keep growing as parents.

“I came to parenting the way most of us do- knowing nothing and trying to learn everything.”

— Mayim Bialik

Building resilience in girls around today's Social Challenges

We have all been appalled and shocked by the recent outbreaks of violence to women. There is much to address in this serious matter and it is a socially distressing sign that all is not well in our society.

Here I am thinking of how parents can be so helpful in building strength in our girls to support their growing years where they are forming ideas, values and most importantly long lasting self worth. I have always been a great believer that the stronger the girl, the more personally confident they are in making choices with friends, partners etc. that will be the very best for them.

The recent tragedies indicate that we have much to do to educate men on how to treat women and how to respect and value them in the highest possible way. This will not happen overnight and so I now turn my attention to how we can strengthen our girls to be observant, mature and feel confident enough to walk away from situations that make them unsafe. This is not as easy as it sounds and in many cases it may be impossible as we have seen from some recent tragedies. However, what can we as parents do to help our developing girls feel stronger and safer. Our role is vital in giving our girls skills in supporting themselves.

Consider:

• always talk positively to your girl and reassure them that they are worthwhile and a valued member of the family. Use effective language around them that makes them feel good about themselves. Definitely no put downs or sarcasm that can lead to feelings of doubt about themselves. Take care to ensure that male siblings treat their sister with respect at all times.

• Encourage their independence affirming them when they show an ability to initiate and create new ways of being. Let them be themselves.

• Allow them to have a strong voice in the family. When they have something to say we listen with interest and belief in the worthwhile nature of what they have to say.

• Encourage them to play sport and get involved in team games building personal stamina and physical fitness. Sport is great for building leadership qualities. A strong girl is one that can engage across many environments and is constantly growing physically, intellectually and emotionally.

• Formal education is a wonderful way to escape social dependency. When a girl is articulate and feels a capable learner, they are using their intellect to feel strong. This is a wonderful way of self empowerment. Education is liberating.

• In their tentative years they will be in and out of friendship groups. Keep the conversations alive about how important their friendship groups are to making them feel stronger. They will have disappointments, but hopefully will learn who really constitutes a true friend.

• Take care not to be quick to place judgement on their decisions. They need to feel that their opinions count. This is where you keep talking to them. Have healthy discussions about what they value and let them see how you are happy to negotiate with them to ease them into more independence. Their voice counts in your family.

• Modelling your own beliefs about how girls should be treated is vital as an effective parent. Show them that you will not tolerate poor treatment of women in your own life and you have high expectations of their ability to be successful.

• Talk about some great examples of womanhood that you admire. Talk about what makes them strong and encourage your girl to aspire to being a strong, capable women.

These ideas are just to remind us that as parents we can start to develop positive thinking in our girls about their self worth and capabilities from a very early age. A girl's foundational years can strongly influence their self perception and their confidence and intuition to make well informed decisions that will give them happy outcomes in their life. We want them fully in charge of themselves.

Unlocking Creativity: Fun and Imaginative Activities for Parents to Inspire Their Children

Be creative with your child. It is a wonderful way to engage and to do things together that are memorable and intellectually stimulating.

Consider:

• Embark on storytelling adventures with your child. This could involve creating collaborative stories where each family member adds a sentence or taking turns inventing characters and plot twists. This is great for language development as well.

• Provide ideas for artistic exploration, such as setting up a "creation station" with various art supplies and letting your child experiment with different mediums and techniques. It doesn’t need to be tidied up regularly.

• Share simple and safe science experiments that you can do with your child at home. From creating homemade volcanoes to experimenting with colour-changing potions, these hands-on activities will spark curiosity and encourage scientific exploration.

• As a family go on outdoor nature hunts, where your child can use their senses to explore the natural world around them. Consider creating scavenger hunt lists or nature bingo cards to guide their exploration and encourage observation skills. Give them a magnifying glass to explore what’s in the grass. It is great fun.

• There are so many benefits of dramatic play in fostering creativity and imagination. As the parent you can set up themed dress-up corners or provide props and costumes for children to act out their own stories, plays, or adventures.

• Consider musical exploration by exposing your child to a variety of musical genres and instruments. From creating homemade instruments to having dance parties, there are endless opportunities for musical discovery and expression.

• Share kid-friendly cooking and baking recipes that parents can make with their children. Cooking together not only teaches valuable life skills but also encourages creativity and experimentation in the kitchen. Creating mess can be a healthy thing!

• Consider building and construction challenges using materials like LEGO, blocks, or recycled materials. You can challenge your child to build tall towers, intricate structures, or imaginative worlds, fostering spatial reasoning and problem-solving skills. Find a safe and suitable space in the house to

  spread out with all the blocks.

• As the parent, offer tips for creating imaginative play spaces within the home, such as building forts, creating sensory bins, or transforming cardboard boxes into playhouses. These dedicated spaces provide your child with opportunities for open-ended play and imaginative exploration.

• Cultivate a love for reading and storytelling by sharing a variety of books and stories with your child. Engage your child in discussions about characters, settings, and plot lines, inspiring their imagination and creativity. Try dramatizing sections of the book.

It is amazing how you the parent can inspire your child to be imaginative and creative. Look within your own home to find ways and means to be creative. You do not need to look far.

“A creative, imaginative child has an insatiable appetite for learning.”

— -Gail J Smith

Nurturing a Growth Mindset in Your Child

In simple terms this is all about encouraging positivity and a belief in your child’s ability to be an achiever.

Consider the following:

• Explain to your child the concept of a growth mindset versing a fixed mindset, highlighting the importance of believing in one's ability to improve through effort and practice.

• As a parent celebrate when your child tackles a difficult task or shows resilience in the face of challenges. Let them see that effort is rewarding.

• As the parent, help your child re frame statements like "I can't do this" to "I can't do this yet," emphasizing the idea of growth and progress over time. It’s about never say never.

• As the parent model a growth mindset in your own life. Share stories of your own challenges and successes, demonstrating perseverance and a positive attitude towards learning.

• Parents can provide constructive feedback to their child that focuses on effort, progress, and specific actions rather than fixed traits or abilities. Use phrases like, "I noticed you worked really hard on that" or "What strategies did you try?"

• Set realistic, achievable goals that align with your child’s interests and abilities. Involve your child in the goal-setting process and celebrate milestones along the way. All goals should be reasonable.

• Provide a supportive home environment that encourages exploration, curiosity, and a love for learning. This could include having a designated study space, providing access to educational resources, and engaging in activities that foster creativity and critical thinking.

• Re frame mistakes as valuable learning opportunities rather than failures. Discuss strategies for helping your child learn from their mistakes, such as problem-solving, reflection, and seeking help when needed. Making mistakes is a human process.

• Celebrate your child's growth and progress, no matter how small. This could involve creating a growth mindset journal where children document their achievements and areas of improvement or holding a "growth mindset celebration" to recognize efforts.

• Offer consistent support, encouragement, and reassurance to your child as they navigate challenges and strive for growth. Not everything will be perfect but their efforts are given much encouragement.

As your child grows they need to grow with a positive mindset where there is much personal belief and a sense that all is possible.

“Courage to continue matters more than success or failure”

— Winston Churchill