We need to regulate our angry responses around children

Maintaining composure and not getting too angry too quickly is crucial for effective parenting. Here are six reasons why this is important. The examples given are helpful in identifying the sorts of issues that happen at home. It is very easy and quick to turn to anger when disappointed in some behaviour, tired, irritable or just plain out of sorts. A child often doesn’t understand why you reach that point. So taking care to keep levels of anger down and to take time out before addressing the issue is the best resolution.

1. Modelling Emotional Regulation: When a child spills a drink accidentally, instead of getting angry immediately, say, "It's okay, accidents happen. Let's clean it up together." By staying calm, you teach your child how to manage their own emotions. They also listen and don’t shut down when you keep calm.

2. Teaching Problem-Solving Skills: If your child forgets their homework, rather than reacting with anger, say, "Let's figure out a solution together. How can we make sure you remember your homework in the future?" This approach helps your child learn to address challenges constructively. If they expect you to react angrily they will build anxiety over time and will avoid being in contact with you.

3. Promoting a Safe and Trusting Environment: If your child confesses to a mistake, like breaking a toy, avoid immediate anger and instead say, "Thank you for telling me the truth. We can find a way to fix it together." This encourages honesty and trust. We don’t want them to develop a fear over telling the truth

4. Preventing Escalation of Conflict: If a sibling argument arises, try not to jump in with anger. Instead, say, "Let's all take a deep breath and talk about what happened calmly." By staying composed, you prevent conflicts from worsening.

5. Maintaining Effective Communication: If your child receives a poor grade, don't react with anger. Instead, say, "Let's talk about what happened and how we can help you improve." This approach encourages open communication and problem-solving.

6. Protecting Your Child's Self-Esteem: If your child struggles with a task, don't express frustration. Instead, say, "It's okay to find this challenging. We all have things we need to practice." This protects their self-esteem and promotes a growth mindset.

Keeping your anger under control is all about emotional regulation. If a child believes that anger is your first response, your relationship with them will deteriorate and in many cases, children shut down or simply keep you out of the loop. That is their survival tactic to avoid the repercussions of anger, which is seen as a form of power and control.

If you have a relaxed and understanding approach and keep your tone calm and sympathetic, your child will approach you comfortably and with the absolute truth.

‘My job as a parent isn’t to control my child’s emotions. My job as a parent is to control mine.’

                                                            -Shelley Robinson

Helping children cope with distressing media

Addressing distressing media is crucial, especially for parents navigating this digital age with their children. Of course, we need to live in the real world and there has been some very distressing news which needs to be processed with our children in a way that they can understand.

Here are some thoughts on how to educate our children in understanding our modern world where social media can be consumptive:

• Establish healthy boundaries around screen time for both yourself and your children. Setting specific hours for media consumption can help mitigate exposure to distressing content. After all, how much media do we need on a daily basis?

• Create safe spaces online where children can explore content that is curated and monitored by parents. This could include setting up restricted profiles on streaming services or utilizing parental controls on devices.

• Stress the importance of open communication between yourself and your children regarding media consumption. Create a supportive environment where children feel comfortable discussing anything they may find distressing online.

• Talk to your child about how media can have confusion and sensationalism built in. Teach children how to critically analyze media content. This includes helping them understand bias, fact-checking information, and recognizing manipulation tactics used in media. It is most important that they learn not to believe everything they hear and see.

• Monitor your child’s social media usage and be aware of the platforms they are using. Set privacy settings and discuss appropriate online behaviour with your child.

• Prioritize your own well-being when consuming media. Take breaks from news and social media if it becomes overwhelming and engage in activities that promote relaxation and stress relief. This demonstrates to your child that you want and need a balance in your life.

• Offer suggestions for alternative activities that you as a family can engage in together that doesn’t involve screens, such as outdoor adventures, board games, or creative projects.

• It is important as the parent to model healthy media behaviour for your child. Children often mimic their parents’ habits, so it is essential for parents to demonstrate balanced media consumption themselves. Take care how you talk about the media content in front of your child.

• Stay informed about current events but do so mindfully. Consuming excessive news coverage of distressing events can take a toll on mental health, so it’s important to strike a balance between staying informed and protecting one’s well-being.

• Have frequent talks about how understanding media is critical to get only the best out of information that is posted in some way.

• Involving your child in a busy, active life with sports activities, hobbies etc. throughout the week will give them a very happy lifestyle where the focus is not so much on social media.

• When explaining issues to children that have been emblazoned in the news take your time and use language that your child will understand. Sometimes the sensational nature of how words are used can be very intimidating for a child. Check in with them later to see if they understood what you had to say.

Our children live in this digital age and whilst it fills so much of their day they still need to be in control. They need to see it as a tool that be can be used for good and at times not for good. They need to be scrutinizing and be in charge when it comes to deciding how to use it. In this way they are running the show and will be more in control of what they read and how they interpret material. Such maturity will be accelerated with your guidance and direction on how best to be engaged with the digital world.

“Social media is a very, very powerful tool. It also gives power to tools.”

— Chris Young

Building resilience in girls around today's Social Challenges

We have all been appalled and shocked by the recent outbreaks of violence to women. There is much to address in this serious matter and it is a socially distressing sign that all is not well in our society.

Here I am thinking of how parents can be so helpful in building strength in our girls to support their growing years where they are forming ideas, values and most importantly long lasting self worth. I have always been a great believer that the stronger the girl, the more personally confident they are in making choices with friends, partners etc. that will be the very best for them.

The recent tragedies indicate that we have much to do to educate men on how to treat women and how to respect and value them in the highest possible way. This will not happen overnight and so I now turn my attention to how we can strengthen our girls to be observant, mature and feel confident enough to walk away from situations that make them unsafe. This is not as easy as it sounds and in many cases it may be impossible as we have seen from some recent tragedies. However, what can we as parents do to help our developing girls feel stronger and safer. Our role is vital in giving our girls skills in supporting themselves.

Consider:

• always talk positively to your girl and reassure them that they are worthwhile and a valued member of the family. Use effective language around them that makes them feel good about themselves. Definitely no put downs or sarcasm that can lead to feelings of doubt about themselves. Take care to ensure that male siblings treat their sister with respect at all times.

• Encourage their independence affirming them when they show an ability to initiate and create new ways of being. Let them be themselves.

• Allow them to have a strong voice in the family. When they have something to say we listen with interest and belief in the worthwhile nature of what they have to say.

• Encourage them to play sport and get involved in team games building personal stamina and physical fitness. Sport is great for building leadership qualities. A strong girl is one that can engage across many environments and is constantly growing physically, intellectually and emotionally.

• Formal education is a wonderful way to escape social dependency. When a girl is articulate and feels a capable learner, they are using their intellect to feel strong. This is a wonderful way of self empowerment. Education is liberating.

• In their tentative years they will be in and out of friendship groups. Keep the conversations alive about how important their friendship groups are to making them feel stronger. They will have disappointments, but hopefully will learn who really constitutes a true friend.

• Take care not to be quick to place judgement on their decisions. They need to feel that their opinions count. This is where you keep talking to them. Have healthy discussions about what they value and let them see how you are happy to negotiate with them to ease them into more independence. Their voice counts in your family.

• Modelling your own beliefs about how girls should be treated is vital as an effective parent. Show them that you will not tolerate poor treatment of women in your own life and you have high expectations of their ability to be successful.

• Talk about some great examples of womanhood that you admire. Talk about what makes them strong and encourage your girl to aspire to being a strong, capable women.

These ideas are just to remind us that as parents we can start to develop positive thinking in our girls about their self worth and capabilities from a very early age. A girl's foundational years can strongly influence their self perception and their confidence and intuition to make well informed decisions that will give them happy outcomes in their life. We want them fully in charge of themselves.

Valuable resources for mastering effective communication with your child

In the rush of the busy day, we sometimes talk to our children in short sharp bursts. This can be frustrating for the parent and the child, both struggling to be heard and to have their needs met. It is no wonder that we become irritated when we don't get an answer or we feel no one is listening.

Here are some helpful skills that we can use to support a child who needs to be heard. Acquiring these skills can significantly enhance the quality of our conversations.

• When a child starts talking and you feel it is important to listen, then attending is a key skill to learn. This involves really being with the child, making appropriate eye contact, being still and focusing on what they have to say. This is all about using the right body language to let your child know that you are really listening. Here you give your total attention to the child.

• Silence is a wonderful tool in showing your child that you are really listening. This means no interruptions to their talk and passively hearing what they have to say. Silence can be very powerful in communicating. It is especially helpful if the child is upset, angry or anxious.

• As the child talks in order to let them know you are truly listening you can give head nods or perhaps mutter for example, ’Hmm, Really, Yes.” This gives them ongoing reassurance that you are listening and not making any judgements on what they have to say.

• Encourage them to keep talking. ‘Would you like to talk more about that?’ This is indicating that you are there to listen and you want them to have every opportunity to talk for as long as they feel necessary. This is very helpful to young children who find it hard to articulate what they have to say.

• If you feel your child needs the time to be heard, find a suitable place to have the conversations. Distractions, noise etc. can stop their flow of conversation leading to disappointment and frustration.

• Keep to the same level as your child instead of towering over them. This makes them feel that you are genuinely listening.

• Have a positive disposition as they talk. This may mean smiling and reassuring them that their feelings are valued.

• When talking back use a gentle tone of voice where the child feels that there is no judgement or disappointment.

• Finally, you can use active listening. This is picking up on what they see and repeating the essence of their conversation. ‘You said that when you fell on the school yard you felt so sad.’ Picking up the essence of their talk and especially the emotion will give them fuel for talking back with more information.

To help your child after they have disclosed something important and you have listened well, be clear in what you have to say, be correct in your response and always show compassion. In this way you develop trust.

“If you respect your child, then listen to what they have to say.”

— Gail J Smith

The best way to influence your child is through modelling

When you build a strong relationship with your child you have a greater capacity to influence them in a healthy way. This is such a positive way of effectively passing on your values and beliefs in a safe and reliable way. Children particularly model after admired adults. Think about your childhood. Were you strongly influenced by adults that you admired and respected?

Let’s consider why modelling is such an effective way of influencing our children without using power or other means that certainly don't have a long life.

• There are few risks in damaging your relationship with your child. By modelling what you believe in you are not directly or adversely attempting to change the child. You are just being yourself.

• Your modelling is how you live and what you value. The child can see how happy it makes you and how you enjoy living by your standards.

• When you model some behaviour that puts you in a certain direction it demonstrates your convictions. For example, if you believe in a clean house, a clear message is being sent to your child that cleanliness is important in your life.

• Being credible is important. Sticking by your convictions sends a very clear message to your child that being rock solid in beliefs is important.

• The effects of modelling may take years. Be patient with your child, who will want to experiment with change along the way.

• The advantage of modelling is that you are not using power to influence your child. You are just demonstrating that how you live is an acceptable way to operate. In this way your relationship continues to grow. The use of power can result in the rejection of you as a model.

• Modelling is all about the longer-term effect for the child. You want them to reflect positively on your model when they are adults making their own decisions. Of course, being another generation there may be a few twists and turns to your influences but none the less they will be useful if valued.

• Modelling well is not about being perfect. Just be authentic around your child. They know our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. What they observe is how we handle them.

Finally, never underestimate your capacity to influence your child in the longer term. However, once we use power to exercise and influence, we can damage our relationship and cloud our ability to be of value to your child.

“Be yourself, true and honest to your child. That makes them feel safe and happy.”

— Gail J Smith

Using 'I' statements to get your message across to your child

An 'I' statement is all about self disclosure. It lets the person know that you have needs and feelings. It also let's the other person know your genuine thoughts. When you use 'I' statements with your child they have a much better understanding of how you feel.

Consider the positive 'I' statement:

“I am happy that you have cleared the table”.

“I feel better now that you are working on your homework”.

“I am excited that you got such a great result for your test. You tried so hard”.

• Giving your child a better understanding of your feelings gives them a stronger message and one that they appreciate and internalize more.

• Take care not to use the 'You' statement. It sounds so judgmental and evaluative. All the child hears is that sense of being judged even if it is a positive statement.

“You did the right thing by cleaning your room.” Here you feel that cleaning the room was almost a punishment! How about saying: “I am so pleased you cleaned the room. It looks so tidy now.”

• All positive 'I' messages should be a natural, spontaneous expression of your feelings. Your child will feel more secure when you use positive 'I' statements to deliver messages. They will hear your needs and respond in a happier way. I would even argue that they will listen with more intent.

Finally, when you give your child an 'I' statement, you are inviting them to address something that concerns you or perhaps you are praising them for something wonderful you noticed about them. The primary thoughts behind an 'I' statement are coming from you.

Beware the roadblocks to good communication with your child

Sometimes we wonder why our children are not listening or are reacting in unacceptable ways to what we have to say and do. Often it's as simple as the fact that we set up roadblocks to good communications with them. We often do this incidentally without any awareness that we are setting up barriers to talking with them without irritation and understanding. Consider below some of the barriers that we can set up often innocently and thinking we are operating in their best interest.

• Take care not to be just giving out orders. After a while a child tunes out and the orders fall on deaf ears.

• Sometimes we can get so tired that we just give warnings to stop poor behaviour as quickly as possible. If you keep swinging on the gate you will fall over on the concrete and hurt yourself.

• As parents we know we have the responsibility of caring but sometimes we think we need to give the solutions to all their problems. How often do you ask others to tell you how to solve your problems.

• Be careful with the use of language. When you use word like “stupid' and 'dumb” the child will only here that word and will think that you believe they are dumb. Language is a powerful tool or it can become a weapon. Take care with how you use it.

• Try not to probe all the time. When you ask too many questions you will eventually get no response.

• Try not to over analyze a child's behaviour. Often it is as simple as a child making a mistake. Move on quickly making it less complicated.

• Sometimes we can use sarcasm to ward off a concern they have. Take care not to use adult wit to control conversations with a child. They know that it is a put down.

• When we are busy we can change the subject very quickly. Always listen to your child and if busy say that you will talk about their concern later when you have more time. Remember that following up is important.

When we use roadblocks we can easily recognize how a child will shut down and lose an interest in talking to you. We are not about solving our child's problems. We are all about responsible parenting and not being a therapist. We slowly and steadily develop their independent thinking skills. We are an adviser and a wise model. We listen with care and we respect their right to have an opinion.

“A child feels heard when they hear no roadblocks limiting their conversations.”

— Gail J Smith

A Few Tips on keeping a Calm Household

We all know that busy families make for busy lives which of course leads to tiredness and tension from time to time. It is natural that being calm and steady throughout the busy week can almost become impossible. Below are a few simple tips on reducing weekly domestic tension with your child.

• Try to be less a perfectionist. This can make you very unsettled if in a busy week your ideal plan does not go well. Remember you are dealing with children and their lives are messy and changing frequently. Being more flexible and less demanding of expectations on your part will make life easier.

• Try to keep to routines and have schedules clearly visible for all to see. A child feels more secure when they know predicable patterns across the week occur. They are more unsettled when change occurs.

• Plenty of sleep for everyone in the house is important. You need it as much as your child. Find some personal time in the day, just a few moments that you can call you own. How about that coffee in a cafe for five minutes?

• On the weekend check in with your child for the week ahead. Talk about expectations you have and also discuss those days where your child will need to be contributing more. Getting them involved in planning the week ahead is vital for success.

• When your child talks to you remember to be an effective listener. This may mean that you say, “I can't talk right now but after school we will sit down and I can listen to what you have to say.” Follow through with this as your child will not forget.

• Use bedtime as a time to have more intimate chats with your child. They love to feel special and to know that you are really available.

• With younger children talk at a slower pace if you are giving instructions. They will listen and respond better if they understand what you want from them.

• During the day keep regular affirmations going. This gives your child reassurance that all is well. 'I love the way you pack your lunch for school. It makes a difference in getting to school on time.'

• When having a stressed moment stop and take a deep breath before your respond to your child. It can make such a difference with your response which will carry less frustration to your child.

• Try to keep down the clutter in the house. A very cluttered and disorganized environment makes for less calm children.

• At the end of a week assess with your child how it all went. Were their positive moments and did you both get the best from the way it was organized? Being reflective may make for a better week next time.

• All children work towards independence. From an early age they seek to do things on their own. This actually makes them happier. Consider whether you can give your child more responsibility for themselves. They will love the independence. Don't worry too much when it all goes poorly. Mistakes happen. That is how we all learn.

• Be well aware of what is happening at school. There is nothing more frustrating than catching up with news when it is all too late. Read notices, plan ahead for dress up days. Etc. You will enjoy your child's school much more by being engaged.

• Homework can be a stressful time for the household. Work out the best time for your child to do homework and have it set up in a comfortable, light filled space. You will be more relaxed knowing that your child is in an optimum environment for homework to be done. Also remember that teachers set homework and that if a child is struggling refer it back to the teacher.

Finally we live in an ever changing world with our child. There are always reasons why change must occur or plans altered due to illness, fatigue etc. Expect the unexpected but don't place the burden on yourself when everything does not go to plan. Flexibility and creativity will get you through those tricky moments.

“A parent who understands the changing nature of family, not only survives but thrives.”

— Gail J Smith

Nurturing a Growth Mindset in Your Child

In simple terms this is all about encouraging positivity and a belief in your child’s ability to be an achiever.

Consider the following:

• Explain to your child the concept of a growth mindset versing a fixed mindset, highlighting the importance of believing in one's ability to improve through effort and practice.

• As a parent celebrate when your child tackles a difficult task or shows resilience in the face of challenges. Let them see that effort is rewarding.

• As the parent, help your child re frame statements like "I can't do this" to "I can't do this yet," emphasizing the idea of growth and progress over time. It’s about never say never.

• As the parent model a growth mindset in your own life. Share stories of your own challenges and successes, demonstrating perseverance and a positive attitude towards learning.

• Parents can provide constructive feedback to their child that focuses on effort, progress, and specific actions rather than fixed traits or abilities. Use phrases like, "I noticed you worked really hard on that" or "What strategies did you try?"

• Set realistic, achievable goals that align with your child’s interests and abilities. Involve your child in the goal-setting process and celebrate milestones along the way. All goals should be reasonable.

• Provide a supportive home environment that encourages exploration, curiosity, and a love for learning. This could include having a designated study space, providing access to educational resources, and engaging in activities that foster creativity and critical thinking.

• Re frame mistakes as valuable learning opportunities rather than failures. Discuss strategies for helping your child learn from their mistakes, such as problem-solving, reflection, and seeking help when needed. Making mistakes is a human process.

• Celebrate your child's growth and progress, no matter how small. This could involve creating a growth mindset journal where children document their achievements and areas of improvement or holding a "growth mindset celebration" to recognize efforts.

• Offer consistent support, encouragement, and reassurance to your child as they navigate challenges and strive for growth. Not everything will be perfect but their efforts are given much encouragement.

As your child grows they need to grow with a positive mindset where there is much personal belief and a sense that all is possible.

“Courage to continue matters more than success or failure”

— Winston Churchill

What brings joy to you and your child?

It doesn’t take much for a child to feel joy. We can always help them feel that joy by our own actions. The more we share that joy the deeper and richer connection we make with our child. It also makes us very happy. It triggers a host of significant physiological and psychological changes that improves our physical and mental health.

 Here are some examples of what brings joy to your child. Embrace it!

1. Seeing Your Child Laugh and Play Is Pure Joy

   Watching your child burst into giggles while playing with their favourite toy or sharing a fun moment with friends at the park. Laugh with them. Feel the muscles move in your chest and enjoy the moment together.

2. Their Smile Brightens Up Your Day

   When your child greets you with a big, toothy grin after school, or when they proudly show you a drawing they made. Notice how enlivening is their smile and how it makes you feel so much better.

3. Hearing Their Stories and Ideas Fills Your Heart with Joy

   When your child excitedly tells you about their day at school, recounts a funny story, or shares their imaginative ideas for a new adventure.

   Listen to what they have to say. There is so much joy in the way they express themselves and how they see the world.

4. Celebrating Milestones and Achievements Is a Source of Happiness

   Witnessing your child take their first steps, reading their first book, or seeing them receive a certificate for a school accomplishment. With each milestone you know that your child is well on the way to being an independent individual. That should bring a smile to your face.

5. Quality Time Together Creates Special Memories and Joy

   Enjoying a family game night, going on a nature hike, or having a cosy movie night complete with popcorn and snuggles. Find those special moments as a family. They don’t have to be large or complex. Make them spontaneous occasions where you can be together without any outside pressure. Build it into your week. Make it a family ritual that you get together and have some form of quality time.

6. Supporting Their Passions and Interests Brings Joy to Both of You

   Encouraging your child's love for art by setting up a mini art studio at home or helping them explore their interest in science with exciting experiments.

   Indulging your child’s passions will bring extreme pleasure and joy to your child. They will learn so much as they are keen to participate. Join them and learn from their excitement and joy. Its amazing how passions can become a life habit.

Our world is so much richer and calmer when there is a strong presence of joy in the world. Children are natural ‘joists’. They find joy in the simplest and least complicated aspects of life.

If you decide to join them you will lighten your world and build happy bridges with your child.

   ‘Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls”

- Mother Theresa

Encourage your child to write well

Some children find it difficult to write. There are ways we can help them and of course, the best way to help is to write ourselves. There are many intellectual, physiological and emotional benefits to writing. It goes hand in glove with reading and cannot be seen as the poor cousin. It is believed that writing has wonderful therapeutic benefits and gives a child a voice. Words disappear into the ether, but written words can remain forever.

Here are some ideas to help your child build up an interest in writing which is very much at the heart of education.

• Designate a special area in your home where your child can write comfortably. It could be a cozy corner with a desk or even just a designated cushion with a lap desk. Let them see that writing is encouraged in your home. Have plenty of writing materials hanging around.

• Make sure your child has access to various writing materials such as pencils, pens, markers, crayons, and different types of paper. Let them experiment with different tools. For young children chalk on the ground is great fun.

• Establish a regular time each day for writing. It could be before bedtime, after school, or during a quiet period on weekends. Consistency is key to forming good writing habits.

• Encourage your child to keep a journal where they can write about their thoughts, feelings, daily experiences, or even stories they make up. Journaling can be a great way for children to express themselves freely. Perhaps giving your child a diary could be a great gift and introduction to writing.

• Praise your child's writing efforts and celebrate their achievements, whether it's completing a story, writing neatly, or coming up with creative ideas. Display their work proudly or share it with family and friends.

• Let your child see you writing. Whether it's making a grocery list, writing emails, or working on a personal project, show them that writing is a valuable skill used in everyday life.

• Reading and writing go hand in hand. Encourage your child to read regularly and discuss the stories or information they encounter. Reading can inspire writing and improve vocabulary and language skills.

• Present your child with fun writing challenges, such as writing a poem, creating a comic strip, or crafting a short story with a specific theme or word count. Joining in with these activities will make all the difference to your child.

• Help your child understand the importance of writing by showing them how words can inform, entertain, persuade, and connect people. Encourage them to use their writing to express themselves and make a positive impact. Read sections of the newspaper to them that have an impact.

• Enjoy reading what they have written. Together you can talk about the content and purpose of writing. Let them read aloud some of your writing as well.

• Try suggesting to your child when they want to explain something that you would prefer they write it down for you to read. Sometimes an upset child can write down their feelings easier than talking about them.

• Writing is a concrete statement. It can be kept and treasured. Promote your child’s writing by displaying it on fridges etc.

‘Once your child writes down their thoughts, they are expressing to the world a deeper statement about themselves.’ - Gail J Smith

Let’s find ways to help improve our children’s language skills

Recent research published talks about the danger of children losing valuable literacy skills due to too much screen time. It is true that the more screen time a child is exposed to, the less language they hear and the less skilled they are in speaking, listening, writing and comprehending. A child needs to be exposed to language as often as possible. Their vocabulary should be growing daily and their understandings of conversations and their use of language should be a regular daily event. After all, our use of language is a deep reflection of ourselves. Here are some helpful ideas to get you thinking about ways to ensure that your child has regular exposure to good language.

• Establish clear limits on the amount of screen time allowed each day, including time spent on devices, watching TV, and playing video games. Use tools like parental controls or screen time management apps to enforce limits and track usage.

• Create designated screen-free zones and times in the home, such as during meals, family gatherings, and bedtime. Encourage conversation and interaction by keeping screens out of these areas and times. Make clear rules about when and where screen time is allowed.

• Be a positive role model by demonstrating healthy screen habits yourself. Limit your own screen time, especially when interacting with your child. As a family focus on sports activities, games etc. that are a wonderful alternative to docile screen time. Be an active outdoor family where possible.

• Provide alternative activities that promote language development and communication skills, such as reading together, playing board games, doing puzzles, or engaging in imaginative play. Encourage outdoor play and physical activities that stimulate language skills.

• Make time for meaningful conversations with your child every day. Ask open-ended questions, listen actively, and respond with interest and enthusiasm. Try to talk less and let your child be a dominant talker from time to time.

• Make reading a daily habit by incorporating story time into your child's routine. Choose a variety of age-appropriate books that capture their interest and stimulate their imagination. Encourage active participation by asking questions and discussing the story together.

• Minimize background noise from TVs, radios, and electronic devices, as it can interfere with language development and comprehension. Create a quiet and calm environment that allows for focused listening and communication. The less noise and surround sound, the better.

• Expose your child to a rich and varied language environment by incorporating vocabulary-building activities into everyday life. Use descriptive language, introduce new words, and encourage your child to use language creatively. How about introducing new words every few days. Celebrate when your child uses those words.

• Be mindful of the content your child is exposed to on screens and ensure that it is age-appropriate and educational. Choose high-quality programming and apps that promote learning and language development. Be selective in this area.

• Foster opportunities for social interaction and communication with peers, family members, and caregivers. Arrange play dates, join community activities, and participate in group settings where your child can practise social skills and language use. Let them rely on their language to connect to others.

Be a family where language is a major way of communicating used frequently and valued as a major source of communication. Let your child see and experience that through using good language skills they gain the attention of so many, are valued for their skills and recognized as having something worthwhile to say.

“The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.”

— Ludwig Wittgenstein

Supporting your child with homework and developing good study habits

Homework can be controversial in many teaching circles. However, if a child is given homework, it is important to support their efforts and let it be seen that extended learning from school is valued in your home and you will be a support.

Consider the following:

• Set aside a designated time and space for homework each day to create a consistent routine. This helps children develop a sense of structure and responsibility. Find a comfortable space for your child in which to complete the homework.

• Break down homework assignments into smaller, more manageable tasks. Encourage your child to focus on completing one task at a time. Sometimes they can be daunted by looking at the amount of work to do overnight or in a few days.

• Do not labour over homework tasks that the child is finding too difficult. Stress that they can discuss it with the teacher on the next day. After all the teacher set the homework.

• Create a quiet and organized study space free from distractions, such as television or electronic devices. Offer support and encouragement as needed, but encourage independence and problem-solving skills. Watch the time that the homework is completed. Doing homework when a child is tired or anxious

  is doomed for failure.

• Teach your child effective time management skills, such as prioritizing tasks, setting goals, and creating a homework schedule. Help them learn to plan their homework out well.

• Encourage your child to take regular breaks during homework sessions to rest and recharge. Encourage physical activity, proper nutrition, and adequate sleep to support overall well-being. Create an enjoyable atmosphere around homework time.

• Provide guidance and support when needed, but avoid completing assignments for your child. Encourage them to ask questions, seek clarification from teachers, and use available resources such as textbooks, websites, or tutoring services. Take care not to get in an argument about their completing homework when they are struggling with the activity. This is where you need teacher intervention.

• Encourage a growth mindset by praising effort, persistence, and improvement rather than focusing solely on grades or outcomes. Let their homework time be a time for learning in an inquiring way but with no tension.

• Celebrate your child's successes and achievements, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement helps build confidence and motivation to continue working hard.

• Stay informed about your child's progress and any challenges they may be facing with homework. Communicate regularly with teachers to address concerns and seek additional support or resources if needed. Talk to their teacher about your child’s capacity to do the homework.

• Model good study habits and a positive attitude toward learning in your own behaviour. Let your child see you reading, learning, and problem-solving in your daily life. Perhaps you could sometimes have a quite study time while they are doing their homework

There are various professional opinions about the value of homework. Keep yourself optimistic when your child brings home work to complete. Let them see that learning is ongoing and not just between the school hours.

“Teach your child that learning happens all the time. Homework is merely one component of a very big picture.”

— Gail J Smith

The value of being positive around your child

We live in a world where we are constantly addressing mental health as it is such an interfering and common part of our society. Your child learns so much from you and it is amazing how your disposition can help your child see the world in a positive light.

Consider the following:

• When you portray yourself positively as a parent, your child learns a great deal. They like to copy you and see you in a very positive light.

• If you exhibit a positive presence as a parent, your child absorbs significant learning. They will want to imitate it and they will see how much better the world appears from that perspective.

• If you project positivity as a parent, your child picks up on important lessons. This is a great way of teaching optimism.

• If you see the world as a happy place in which to live that will influence their world.

• Being an optimistic around your child invites them to problem solve in an optimistic way rather than focusing on unsolvable problems

• It is a matter of conditioning your child to being positive. It’s a safer place in which to live.

• When your child adopts positivity it attracts people who enjoy life. Don’t forget to use laughter as part of your persona around your child. Laughter is a happy space in which to live.

• By demonstrating a positive disposition your child will be less anxious to approach you over matters that trouble them.

A bright happy parents who savours life is a mindful person who can teach their child to see the world as a hopeful place. What better mental health lesson can you find?

“Keep your eyes on the sun and you will not see the shadows”

— Aboriginal proverb

Build resilience in your child

As parents, from the very beginning, we see ourselves as the primary nurturer. We should also be seeing ourselves as the primary builder of resilience in our children. We want them to be strong, independent people, who can cope in life, without relying too heavily on us the parents. Sometimes, because we become cautious and anxious to ensure that our children are coping well, we forget about our role to strengthen their resilience and give them the skills they need to survive outside of the family cave.

Consider the following:

• Teach children how to identify problems, brainstorm solutions and take action to address challenges.

• Encourage them to think creatively and persistently seek solutions, even when faced with setbacks. Let them see that failure is part of life.

• Help children develop a growth mindset by emphasizing the power of positive thinking and seeing challenges as opportunities for growth. Encourage them to focus on their strengths. See life as an opportunity and stay focused on solving problems not being overcome by them.

• Create a supportive and nurturing environment where children feel comfortable expressing their emotions openly and seeking support when needed. Offer empathy and encouragement. Let them see how possible it is for them to work through a successful process.

• Equip children with effective coping skills to manage stress, such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness practices, and relaxation techniques. Encourage them to develop healthy outlets for expressing emotions, such as writing in diaries, art, or physical activity.

• Foster independence in children by encouraging them to take on age-appropriate

  responsibilities. Allow them to experience natural consequences and learn from their mistakes in a supportive environment.

• Cultivate strong, supportive relationships with family members, friends, and other trusted adults who can serve as positive role models.. Your child needs all the positive help they can get.

• Expose children to stories of resilience through books, movies, and real-life examples. Highlight individuals who have overcome adversity and achieved success . Talk about them and especially their qualities.

• Focus on effort rather than outcomes and celebrate children's achievements, big and small. Praise their hard work, resilience, and perseverance. Celebrating the process not so much the results of the outcomes.

• Create a sense of belonging within the family and community by involving children in meaningful activities, traditions, and rituals. There are many charitable organizations with which they can engage themselves.

• Be a positive role model for resilience by demonstrating healthy coping strategies, and positive problem-solving skills. Show children that setbacks and failures are opportunities for growth and learning.

• When you are around your child be an optimistic person. Let them see that life is a hopeful experience. Moody environments can breed anxiety.

Be prepared to nurture independence in your child as this will be a major hallmark of strength for your child. Let them slowly engage with the world by themselves as this will gradually build strong resilience leading to a happier individual.

“Encouraging independence and building resilience in your child is a life saver”

— Gail J Smith

Teach mindfulness to your child

Teaching mindfulness is a powerful tool in overcoming the overstimulated world in which our children live. By offering slow and steady activities to your child where they recognize and sensitize to their environment can be nothing short of a helpful tool in coping with stress and the hectic world that children experience with such distractions as social media etc.

The following activities offer some relief from the busy world and teach your child to be sensitive to the moment.

• Take a few moments each day to practise deep breathing exercises with your child. Encourage them to notice the sensation of their breath as it enters and leaves their body, helping them anchor themselves in the present moment. This could be done at times that are built into routine such as before meals, at bedtime, before school etc.

• Engage in a mindful listening exercise with your child. Sit quietly together and listen carefully to various sounds in your environment, such as birds chirping or cars passing by. Discuss what you noticed afterwards, such as the different pitches or rhythms of the sounds. Great fun to do in the backyard, at parks, the beach etc.

• Practise mindful body scans with your child. Lie down together in a comfortable position and guide them through a relaxation exercise, focusing on each part of the body from head to toe. Encourage them to notice any sensations or feelings without judgement.

• Practise loving-kindness meditation with your child. Sit together in a comfortable position and guide them to silently repeat phrases of well-wishes for themselves and others, such as "May I be happy, may you be happy, may all beings be happy."

• Create a mindful art project with your child, such as colouring mandalas or painting rocks. Focus on the process rather than the end result, encouraging open conversation and exploration of thoughts and feelings during the activity. Come back later and talk about what you created and what it meant to you.

• Take a mindful nature walk with your child. Explore your surroundings together, noticing the colours, textures, and smells of the natural world around you. Encourage your child to engage their senses and appreciate the beauty of the outdoors. The local park can do the job as well.

• Cooking can be a mindful experience as you mix food together and reflect on the texture and feel of the ingredients as they morph into a new food. Also follow up with a mindful time of enjoying the various flavours.

• Music is a great vehicle for mindful activities. Lie together on the floor and just

  take in the music. Let the child enjoy their music as well as other music you may introduce.

Mindfulness is all about learning to savour the moment and to appreciate and be sensitive to what is happening around you. In our world of over stimulation, it is wonderful to introduce to our children, the art of slowing down and simply smelling the roses. One they feel the advantage they will adopt the principal themselves. Here you give them a great new life source.

“Wake up to what’s around you and savour the moment with your child.”

— Gail J Smith

Understanding difficult behaviour

Parenting has many aspects to it. However, one of the most complex aspects is dealing with difficult behaviour. It will happen from time to time and as a parent it is all about what you tolerate and what you believe is acceptable behaviour. One of the very best things you can do is to teach your child to behave well. Your modelling and teaching is vital in this area.

Let’s consider how difficult behaviour can manifest itself:

• Children with high activity or are clearly unsettled are more likely to misbehave

• Sometimes it’s all about attention seeking.

• Perhaps getting their own way is important to them.

• Sometimes revenge to show how angry they are.

• A child will model bad behaviour from other children.

• It can happen when guidelines are unclear at home.

• Some children need to be specifically taught the correct behaviour.

• When a child is stressed. Difficult behaviour can be an outcome.

These are only a few examples of why poor behaviour can happen. Consider tackling the difficult behaviour in the following way:

• Listen effectively to what they have to say. This is active listening.

• Then talk about ways to address their concerns.

• Some negotiation may be need. Work together on this plan.

• Then together think about a resolution which may involve consequences for the child. This is real problem solving.

• Check in later after action has been taken and affirm your child for going through the process.

Prevention is better than cure so think about why the problem behaviour has occurred. The more you understand, the less problems will continue to evolve.

“When you catch their good behaviour, reward well. It’s the best antidote to misbehaviour.”

— Gail J Smith

Building confidence in your child

From the moment a child is born there will be small signs of seeking independence. Perhaps ever so subtle but none the less there is a definite presence of wanting to be independent. As parents our role is to be the nurturer and provide safety and security for our child. For a parent, letting go of your responsibility can be difficult. Research tells us, that as a child reaches out for more independence, we demonstrate better parenting, if we gently walk with them as they take steps to strengthen their personal growth. There are many reasons why being alongside your child as they take independent steps is a mature way of parenting. Consider:

• Developing independence empowers children to believe in themselves and their abilities. As they accomplish tasks on their own, they gain confidence in their skills and decision-making capabilities. There is nothing like feeling successful when taking a new independent step.

• Independence fosters problem-solving skills. When children face challenges independently, they learn to think critically, adapt to new situations, and find creative solutions. They understand that they must rely on themselves and this does not frighten them.

• Learning to be independent instils a sense of responsibility in children. They understand the consequences of their actions and take ownership of tasks, fostering accountability and self-reliance. They will try different solutions to problems and not be intimidated by an occasional failure.

• Independence allows children to make decisions and choices on their own. Through these experiences, they learn to weigh options, consider consequences, and develop sound decision-making abilities. There is nothing more liberating than making your own decisions.

• Independence encourages self-reliance. Children become more resourceful and resilient as they learn to depend on themselves to accomplish tasks and overcome obstacles. They will ask questions but not expect to be given the answer.

• Developing independence prepares children for adulthood. By learning essential life skills and becoming self-sufficient, they gain the confidence and competence to thrive in the responsibilities of adulthood. Little by little they step into an adult world, well prepared with less surprises.

• Independence contributes to building healthy relationships. Children who are independent are better able to communicate their needs, assert boundaries, and engage in mutually respectful interactions with others. This is all about developing emotional maturity.

• Independence fosters a spirit of exploration and creativity. When children have the freedom to pursue their interests and ideas independently, they are more likely to discover new passions and talents. They become better risk takers and enjoy the challenge.

• Developing independence helps children form their own identity. As they make choices and pursue interests that align with their values and preferences, they gain a clearer sense of who they are and what they stand for. A child with such confidence will attract like minded children. This makes for forming healthy relationships.

In my experience as school principal, it was always the case that children who were given opportunities to demonstrate independence appeared happy and self assured. They engaged with all sorts of peers and were comfortable in many settings.

“Building independence in your child is all about sound parenting.”

— Gail J Smith

The Magic of Creative Thinking

Encouraging your child to be creative is such a critical part of their development. Remember, being creative is not about being right or wrong. It is also not about failure. It is all about the ability to express oneself in an open uncompromised way. Encouraging your child to be creative can be in many forms. It can be through art, plays, drama, music etc. It is all about the child expressing themselves and feeling satisfied that they find ways to do just that, be expressive!

• Encouraging your child's creativity is like unlocking a magical door to their imagination. It lets them explore new worlds of ideas, making everyday life more enchanting and filled with possibilities. Be open to all their ideas and place no judgement on their efforts.

• Creative activities are like giving your child a pair of confidence wings. As they let their creativity soar, they discover their own abilities and gain the self-assurance to take on new challenges. They become real risk takers.

• Creativity is an exciting adventure in the land of problem-solving. It's like giving your child a treasure map to navigate challenges, encouraging them to discover clever solutions with a spirit of curiosity. It also takes away the fear of failure.

• Creativity is like having a playground for the imagination. It lets your child swing from the heights of their dreams, slide into new possibilities, and build castles of ideas in the ever-expansive world of their own imagination.

• Creative activities offer your child an expressive color palette for their emotions. It's like painting a canvas with feelings, allowing them to express the vibrant hues of joy, the deep shades of introspection, and the bright tones of excitement.

• Fostering creativity is like packing a picnic basket of innovation for your child's future. It equips them with a delightful array of inventive snacks, ensuring they're ready to feast on fresh ideas and contribute uniquely to the ever-evolving feast of life.

“The power of imagination will be a driving force for your child’s creative process”

— Gail Smith

Learning to be tolerant around your child

In busy households with so much happening it is easy to lose your patience with your child. After all we are human and there are certain things that push our buttons. If we learn to be more tolerant around our child such modelling will reflect in the way our children treat us and others. There is much to be said about showing tolerance to our child.

• We live in a global world. Practizing tolerance helps children appreciate and embrace diversity. It fosters an understanding that people come from different backgrounds, cultures, and perspectives, enriching their worldview.

• Tolerance teaches children compassion and empathy. When they learn to accept and respect others, they are more likely to show kindness and understanding in their interactions. So your modelling of tolerance will mean that you demonstrate compassion and empathy.

• Tolerant individuals tend to have stronger social skills. Teaching children tolerance helps them navigate diverse social environments, communicate effectively, and build positive relationships.

• Tolerance challenges and reduces prejudiced attitudes and stereotypes. It encourages children to see individuals for who they are rather than making assumptions based on superficial characteristics. Your example of treating everyone well will make a difference to your child’s perception of how to operate around different people

• Tolerance contributes to the creation of inclusive communities. When children learn to appreciate differences, they actively contribute to fostering an environment where everyone feels welcome and valued.

• In a tolerant learning environment, children feel more comfortable expressing themselves and sharing their ideas. This openness enhances the overall educational experience and encourages creativity. Your home should embrace tolerance which makes for a safe environment.

• Tolerance is a key factor in preventing bullying and conflict. When children understand and accept each other's differences, there is less room for negative behaviours based on prejudice or discrimination. Children don't go looking for differences when they are open to accepting others.

• In an increasingly globalized world, tolerance is a crucial skill. Children who learn to appreciate and respect diversity are better prepared to navigate an interconnected and multicultural society. Our children need to understand the bigger world

• Tolerance contributes to the development of emotional intelligence. Children learn to manage their emotions in response to diverse situations, fostering resilience and adaptability. They see the world from a more mature perspective.

A home where there is tolerance is a safe haven for a child. If a child feels that they will be given space to talk about their concerns they are more likely to talk more openly and comfortably about what is on their mind.

“To build tolerance, practise breathing slowly before dealing with confronting issues. Space makes all the difference.”

— Gail J Smith