Keep A Look Out For Signs Of Stress In Your Child
In today's world, we often check in on our children's mental health. Social media and other challenges faced by youth remind us to stay vigilant. Gail Smith points out some common triggers that may indicate your child is under too much stress. By recognizing these signs, you can better gauge your child's well-being and offer support when needed. It's important to keep an eye out for these cues to ensure your child feels safe and supported.
We live in a world where we intermittently check in on our children's mental health. The pressures through social media and other youth-driven challenges alert us to the need to be vigilant. Below are some known triggers that can be a sign of unacceptable stress in your child. Some stress is normal, and we live with it, finding ways to work it through our life. However, when stress is out of control, we need to intervene. Occasionally tap into your child's well-being index by checking in to these signs:
Changes in Sleep Patterns
Difficulty falling or staying asleep or frequent nightmares can indicate stress. Conversely, a child may sleep excessively to escape stressful feelings.
Behavioural Changes
Increased irritability, mood swings, or withdrawal from family and friends can be signs of stress. A usually outgoing child becoming withdrawn or a calm child suddenly acting out can be indicators.
Physical Symptoms
Complaints of headaches, stomachaches, or other unexplained physical symptoms can manifest as stress. These symptoms often occur without a medical cause and can be recurring.
Academic Performance
A sudden drop in grades, lack of interest in school, or difficulty concentrating on schoolwork can be signs of stress. Stress can impact cognitive functions and overall academic engagement. Always check first with the teacher.
Changes in Eating Habits
Noticeable changes in appetite, such as eating much more or much less than usual, can be a response to stress. This includes skipping meals or binge eating.
Regression to Earlier Behaviours
Reverting to behaviours typical of a younger age, such as bed wetting, clinginess, or thumb-sucking, can indicate that a child is experiencing stress and is seeking comfort.
Frequent Crying
A child who cries easily or often without a clear reason may be experiencing stress. This can be a way for them to release pent-up emotions.
Avoidance Behaviours
A child might try to avoid certain situations or activities that they previously enjoyed, or that are typical for their age group. This could include avoiding school, social events, or specific tasks.
Increased Dependency
A stressed child may become more clingy or dependent on their parents or caregivers, seeking constant reassurance and comfort.
Excessive Worrying or Fearfulness
Persistent worry about various aspects of their life, including school, family, or friends, can be a sign of stress. This might manifest as asking repetitive questions about upcoming events or expressing fears that seem disproportionate to the situation.
When you build a relationship that is open and honest with your child, you will find that your child is more willing to talk to you about their feelings of stress. The above thoughts are just a guiding tool to raise your awareness of symptoms of unacceptable stress that may appear in your child from time to time.
The stress your child feels will be lightened by your ever loving and understanding presence. -Gail J Smith
It really matters to listen to your child
Listening to your child is crucial for building and strengthening your relationship with them. Gail Smith explains five compelling reasons why attentive listening truly matters.
Listening to your child will make all the difference in building and strengthening that important relationship with them. Here are 5 very clear reasons why it does matter to listen well.
1. Builds Trust and Connection:
Why it matters: When parents actively listen to their children, it fosters a sense of trust and strengthens the parent-child bond. Children feel valued and understood. They are then more likely to share their thoughts and feelings.
2. Encourages Emotional Intelligence:
Why it matters: Listening helps children learn to express their emotions and understand others. By validating their feelings and discussing them, parents can guide children in developing empathy.
3. Promotes Problem-Solving Skills:
Why it matters: When parents listen and engage in conversations about challenges, children learn to think critically and come up with solutions. This practice enhances their problem-solving abilities and independence.
4. Enhances Communication Skills:
Why it matters: Children who are listened to tend to become better communicators. They learn how to articulate their thoughts clearly and respectfully, skills that are crucial for their personal and professional lives.
5. Identifies and Addresses Issues Early:
Why it matters: Active listening allows parents to detect any issues or concerns their children may be facing early on. This early intervention can prevent problems from escalating and makes for a calmer house.
“There is so much to gain by listening well to your child.”
Helping your child navigate social challenges at school
Social challenges at school are a normal part of growing up. When your child navigates these situations well, they grow in both intellectual and social maturity. Encouraging your child to stay optimistic and believe in their ability to overcome social issues is crucial. Here are some tips to help them understand that there are many ways to work through social challenges.
There will always different forms of social challenges at school. There is no denying it and when your child navigates those occasions well, they grow both in intellectual and social maturity. Here are some ideas to support them:
Teach Effective Communication:
Role-play with your child to practice different communication scenarios, such as how to ask for help, express their feelings, or resolve conflicts with classmates. Teach them how to express an ‘I’ statement that clearly states their feelings. For example: “I am sad that… I am unhappy when you….”
Encourage Empathy and Kindness:
Discuss real-life situations with your child where empathy made a difference, like helping a friend who was feeling sad or being inclusive during group activities. Also your modelling in demonstrating empathy and kindness are so important.
Promote Social Skills Development:
Enrol your child in extracurricular activities like drama, art, or team sports to improve their social skills, teamwork, and cooperation. Regularly engagement in sports and other group activities also teaches self discipline, learning to accept disappointments etc.
Provide Problem-Solving Strategies:
Share the "STOP" strategy with your child (Stop, Think, Options, Pick one), which can help them make thoughtful choices when faced with social challenges. Also teach about negotiation and resolving conflicts where compromise and understanding are included.
Foster Resilience:
When your child encounters setbacks or rejection, discuss the importance of learning from failures and trying again, emphasising that challenges are opportunities for growth. Talk about famous people who have experienced failure in their efforts to be successful.
Open Lines of Communication:
Create a safe and non-judgmental environment at home for your child to share their experiences and concerns about school. Regularly ask open-ended questions like, "How was your day?" to encourage conversation. Remember that in being non-judgmental your child will feel safe in talking about matters that are on their mind.
Encourage your child to be an optimistic and to feel that they can overcome social issues that they `come across. Let them learn (from the above suggestions) that there are many ways and means to work through social challenges. Of course the more personally confident a child becomes the easier the process of working more confidently through social challenges.
‘Promise me you’ll always remember:
you’re braver than you believe,
and stronger than you see,
and smarter that you think.
- Christopher Robin
Developing good mental health in your child
Building a strong foundation for your child's mental health starts with ensuring they feel safe and happy. Discover practical tips to nurture their well-being during those crucial early years. Gail Smith shares some suggestions to help your child thrive emotionally and mentally.
We hear much about the importance of strengthening our children's mental health. We understand that in childhood there are certain cues that can activate positive thoughts about themselves. Here are some suggestions to strengthen your child's mental health on those sensitive early years.
Consider:
Be a talkative family that likes to openly discuss everything. Do this from an early age. They need to feel they can talk to you about their problems.
Demonstrate healthy ways to cope with stress and emotions, as children often
mimic their parents. Look more on the brighter side of life when working
through problems.
Provide structure with consistent daily routines to create a sense of stability
and security.
Help your child build strong, supportive friendships and connections with
family members. Let them invite friends into your house. Accept all their
friends they will come and go over the years.
Encourage regular exercise, which can boost mood and overall mental well-
being. Join them in games and physical exercise.
Introduce simple mindfulness exercises or relaxation techniques to help your
child manage stress. This can be done as a routine with the family. Make it an
enjoyable time together.
Monitor and limit the amount of time your child spends on screens to ensure
they engage in diverse activities. Leading an active family life will help cut
down this time.
Support your child in exploring and developing their interests and talents. Show interest in their passions and hobbies no matter how unusual they may
seem to you.
Acknowledge and praise your child's efforts and achievements to build their
self-esteem. Find the time to catch them when they are good even over small
deeds.
Spend quality time with your child, showing that you are there for them and
interested in their lives. Always keep promises that you will follow up with
conversations.
When a child lives in an environment that gives them the scope to express themselves in different ways they learn to be creative which is such a stress buster and a wonderful way to nurture good mental health.
“The foundation to good mental health in a child is to feel safe and happy in themselves.”
Let’s reflect on how we are going in our parenting
Parenting is like a river, always moving and changing with our children's needs. As they grow, we should grow too. Take a moment now and then to see how you're doing as a parent. Gail Smiths shares some great ideas to help you build an even better bond with your child.
Every now and again it is worth checking in to see how you are travelling as a parent. Here are some thoughts that may trigger some simple changes that benefit you in building a stronger relationship with your child.
How do you feel about your current communication with your child? Do you think you are communicating well? Keep in mind the importance of simply listening to your child.
Are there areas in your parenting where you feel confident, and where do you feel you could improve? Think about how you could improve in certain areas. Perhaps look on line for courses or simply chat to other parents. It is wonderful to do some critical reflection in this area.
What strategies do you use to connect with your child on an emotional level? Think about how you talk about emotions. Are you an open person in this area of communication or not?
How do you handle conflicts or disagreements with your child? Do you need to work on this area, learning to be more compromising and prepared to be a negotiator? This can be quite a stopping block in communicating with our children.
Are you satisfied with the balance between setting boundaries and fostering independence in your child? Are you prepared to keep adjusting that line of giving your child progressively more independence? They of course will keep up the demand for more independence overtime.
What values or principles do you prioritize in your parenting approach? Am I prepared to accept other values? Remember we don’t have access to all the truth about such matters as dress, proper language, beliefs etc.
How do you manage stress or frustration when parenting becomes challenging? This is an area that we need to reflect on as we model so much to our children. Your anxiety can easily transfer to them.
Are there any specific aspects of your relationship with your child that you would like to strengthen? It is always good to reflect on the quality of our parenting as our children grow and change overtime and their parenting needs keep shifting.
How do you express love and appreciation to your child? Children need regularly to be nurtured and reassured. Do you need to press the refresh button in this area from time to time.
What changes, if any, would you like to make in your parenting style or approach? If you genuinely feel a need for change there are many parenting courses on offer. The more we understand about parenting, the safer and more reliable the journey as a parent.
Do I think I am getting my own needs met and my feelings of self worth as a parent? Feeling mentally strong and healthy yourself will make all the difference to your parenting.
Finally, always keep everything in perspective. Parenting is part of the human condition and it is not a perfect discipline. We are constantly evolving as parents and growing children and with that comes shifting demands and needs of parenting. Some of it is trial and error. Some comes automatically, some comes learnt from family habits and some is simply learnt on the spot. Parenting is a very fluid process of adjusting to constantly developing needs of children. As our children grow, we should keep growing as parents.
“I came to parenting the way most of us do- knowing nothing and trying to learn everything.”
We need to regulate our angry responses around children
It's important for parents to stay calm and not get too angry too quickly. This helps in handling issues at home effectively. When parents get angry, children might not understand why and it can harm the parent-child relationship. It's best to manage anger by taking a break before addressing the problem, as this shows emotional control and helps maintain a positive relationship with your child.
Maintaining composure and not getting too angry too quickly is crucial for effective parenting. Here are six reasons why this is important. The examples given are helpful in identifying the sorts of issues that happen at home. It is very easy and quick to turn to anger when disappointed in some behaviour, tired, irritable or just plain out of sorts. A child often doesn’t understand why you reach that point. So taking care to keep levels of anger down and to take time out before addressing the issue is the best resolution.
Modelling Emotional Regulation: When a child spills a drink accidentally, instead of getting angry immediately, say, "It's okay, accidents happen. Let's clean it up together." By staying calm, you teach your child how to manage their own emotions. They also listen and don’t shut down when you keep calm.
Teaching Problem-Solving Skills: If your child forgets their homework, rather than reacting with anger, say, "Let's figure out a solution together. How can we make sure you remember your homework in the future?" This approach helps your child learn to address challenges constructively. If they expect you to react angrily they will build anxiety over time and will avoid being in contact with you.
Promoting a Safe and Trusting Environment: If your child confesses to a mistake, like breaking a toy, avoid immediate anger and instead say, "Thank you for telling me the truth. We can find a way to fix it together." This encourages honesty and trust. We don’t want them to develop a fear over telling the truth
Preventing Escalation of Conflict: If a sibling argument arises, try not to jump in with anger. Instead, say, "Let's all take a deep breath and talk about what happened calmly." By staying composed, you prevent conflicts from worsening.
Maintaining Effective Communication: If your child receives a poor grade, don't react with anger. Instead, say, "Let's talk about what happened and how we can help you improve." This approach encourages open communication and problem-solving.
Protecting Your Child's Self-Esteem: If your child struggles with a task, don't express frustration. Instead, say, "It's okay to find this challenging. We all have things we need to practice." This protects their self-esteem and promotes a growth mindset.
Keeping your anger under control is all about emotional regulation. If a child believes that anger is your first response, your relationship with them will deteriorate and in many cases, children shut down or simply keep you out of the loop. That is their survival tactic to avoid the repercussions of anger, which is seen as a form of power and control.
If you have a relaxed and understanding approach and keep your tone calm and sympathetic, your child will approach you comfortably and with the absolute truth.
‘My job as a parent isn’t to control my child’s emotions. My job as a parent is to control mine.’
-Shelley Robinson
Valuable resources for mastering effective communication with your child
In the hustle of a busy day, we might find ourselves talking quickly and sharply to our children. This can be frustrating for both parents and kids, as everyone wants to be heard and understood. It's normal to feel irritated when we don't get a response or feel like no one is listening. Gail Smith has some great tips to help us support our children and improve our conversations. Learning these skills can make a huge difference in how we communicate.
In the rush of the busy day, we sometimes talk to our children in short sharp bursts. This can be frustrating for the parent and the child, both struggling to be heard and to have their needs met. It is no wonder that we become irritated when we don't get an answer or we feel no one is listening.
Here are some helpful skills that we can use to support a child who needs to be heard. Acquiring these skills can significantly enhance the quality of our conversations.
When a child starts talking and you feel it is important to listen, then attending is a key skill to learn. This involves really being with the child, making appropriate eye contact, being still and focusing on what they have to say. This is all about using the right body language to let your child know that you are really listening. Here you give your total attention to the child.
Silence is a wonderful tool in showing your child that you are really listening. This means no interruptions to their talk and passively hearing what they have to say. Silence can be very powerful in communicating. It is especially helpful if the child is upset, angry or anxious.
As the child talks in order to let them know you are truly listening you can give head nods or perhaps mutter for example, ’Hmm, Really, Yes.” This gives them ongoing reassurance that you are listening and not making any judgements on what they have to say.
Encourage them to keep talking. ‘Would you like to talk more about that?’ This is indicating that you are there to listen and you want them to have every opportunity to talk for as long as they feel necessary. This is very helpful to young children who find it hard to articulate what they have to say.
If you feel your child needs the time to be heard, find a suitable place to have the conversations. Distractions, noise etc. can stop their flow of conversation leading to disappointment and frustration.
Keep to the same level as your child instead of towering over them. This makes them feel that you are genuinely listening.
Have a positive disposition as they talk. This may mean smiling and reassuring them that their feelings are valued.
When talking back use a gentle tone of voice where the child feels that there is no judgement or disappointment.
Finally, you can use active listening. This is picking up on what they see and repeating the essence of their conversation. ‘You said that when you fell on the school yard you felt so sad.’ Picking up the essence of their talk and especially the emotion will give them fuel for talking back with more information.
To help your child after they have disclosed something important and you have listened well, be clear in what you have to say, be correct in your response and always show compassion. In this way you develop trust.
“If you respect your child, then listen to what they have to say.”
Using 'I' statements to get your message across to your child
"I" statements are about expressing your needs and feelings directly, fostering genuine communication. They help your child understand your perspective better, whether you're addressing a concern or praising their actions. Together with Gail Smith, let’s explore the impact of "I" statements in family communication.
An 'I' statement is all about self disclosure. It lets the person know that you have needs and feelings. It also let's the other person know your genuine thoughts. When you use 'I' statements with your child they have a much better understanding of how you feel.
Consider the positive 'I' statement:
“I am happy that you have cleared the table”.
“I feel better now that you are working on your homework”.
“I am excited that you got such a great result for your test. You tried so hard”.
• Giving your child a better understanding of your feelings gives them a stronger message and one that they appreciate and internalize more.
• Take care not to use the 'You' statement. It sounds so judgmental and evaluative. All the child hears is that sense of being judged even if it is a positive statement.
“You did the right thing by cleaning your room.” Here you feel that cleaning the room was almost a punishment! How about saying: “I am so pleased you cleaned the room. It looks so tidy now.”
• All positive 'I' messages should be a natural, spontaneous expression of your feelings. Your child will feel more secure when you use positive 'I' statements to deliver messages. They will hear your needs and respond in a happier way. I would even argue that they will listen with more intent.
Finally, when you give your child an 'I' statement, you are inviting them to address something that concerns you or perhaps you are praising them for something wonderful you noticed about them. The primary thoughts behind an 'I' statement are coming from you.
Beware the roadblocks to good communication with your child
Have you ever noticed that sometimes our kids seem to tune us out or react in unexpected ways? It might be because we unintentionally create barriers to good communication with them. Discover with Gail Smith some common roadblocks we might unknowingly set up, thinking we're doing what's best for them.
Sometimes we wonder why our children are not listening or are reacting in unacceptable ways to what we have to say and do. Often it's as simple as the fact that we set up roadblocks to good communications with them. We often do this incidentally without any awareness that we are setting up barriers to talking with them without irritation and understanding. Consider below some of the barriers that we can set up often innocently and thinking we are operating in their best interest.
Take care not to be just giving out orders. After a while a child tunes out and the orders fall on deaf ears.
Sometimes we can get so tired that we just give warnings to stop poor behaviour as quickly as possible. If you keep swinging on the gate you will fall over on the concrete and hurt yourself.
As parents we know we have the responsibility of caring but sometimes we think we need to give the solutions to all their problems. How often do you ask others to tell you how to solve your problems.
Be careful with the use of language. When you use word like “stupid' and 'dumb” the child will only here that word and will think that you believe they are dumb. Language is a powerful tool or it can become a weapon. Take care with how you use it.
Try not to probe all the time. When you ask too many questions you will eventually get no response.
Try not to over analyze a child's behaviour. Often it is as simple as a child making a mistake. Move on quickly making it less complicated.
Sometimes we can use sarcasm to ward off a concern they have. Take care not to use adult wit to control conversations with a child. They know that it is a put down.
When we are busy we can change the subject very quickly. Always listen to your child and if busy say that you will talk about their concern later when you have more time. Remember that following up is important.
When we use roadblocks we can easily recognize how a child will shut down and lose an interest in talking to you. We are not about solving our child's problems. We are all about responsible parenting and not being a therapist. We slowly and steadily develop their independent thinking skills. We are an adviser and a wise model. We listen with care and we respect their right to have an opinion.
“A child feels heard when they hear no roadblocks limiting their conversations.”
A Few Tips on keeping a Calm Household
Navigating the hustle and bustle of family life can sometimes leave us feeling worn out and frazzled. Staying calm during the busy week can be hard. Here are some simple tips from Gail Smith to help reduce tension at home with your child.
We all know that busy families make for busy lives which of course leads to tiredness and tension from time to time. It is natural that being calm and steady throughout the busy week can almost become impossible. Below are a few simple tips on reducing weekly domestic tension with your child.
Try to be less a perfectionist. This can make you very unsettled if in a busy week your ideal plan does not go well. Remember you are dealing with children and their lives are messy and changing frequently. Being more flexible and less demanding of expectations on your part will make life easier.
Try to keep to routines and have schedules clearly visible for all to see. A child feels more secure when they know predicable patterns across the week occur. They are more unsettled when change occurs.
Plenty of sleep for everyone in the house is important. You need it as much as your child. Find some personal time in the day, just a few moments that you can call you own. How about that coffee in a cafe for five minutes?
On the weekend check in with your child for the week ahead. Talk about expectations you have and also discuss those days where your child will need to be contributing more. Getting them involved in planning the week ahead is vital for success.
When your child talks to you remember to be an effective listener. This may mean that you say, “I can't talk right now but after school we will sit down and I can listen to what you have to say.” Follow through with this as your child will not forget.
Use bedtime as a time to have more intimate chats with your child. They love to feel special and to know that you are really available.
With younger children talk at a slower pace if you are giving instructions. They will listen and respond better if they understand what you want from them.
During the day keep regular affirmations going. This gives your child reassurance that all is well. 'I love the way you pack your lunch for school. It makes a difference in getting to school on time.'
When having a stressed moment stop and take a deep breath before your respond to your child. It can make such a difference with your response which will carry less frustration to your child.
Try to keep down the clutter in the house. A very cluttered and disorganized environment makes for less calm children.
At the end of a week assess with your child how it all went. Were their positive moments and did you both get the best from the way it was organized? Being reflective may make for a better week next time.
All children work towards independence. From an early age they seek to do things on their own. This actually makes them happier. Consider whether you can give your child more responsibility for themselves. They will love the independence. Don't worry too much when it all goes poorly. Mistakes happen. That is how we all learn.
Be well aware of what is happening at school. There is nothing more frustrating than catching up with news when it is all too late. Read notices, plan ahead for dress up days. Etc. You will enjoy your child's school much more by being engaged.
Homework can be a stressful time for the household. Work out the best time for your child to do homework and have it set up in a comfortable, light filled space. You will be more relaxed knowing that your child is in an optimum environment for homework to be done. Also remember that teachers set homework and that if a child is struggling refer it back to the teacher.
Finally we live in an ever changing world with our child. There are always reasons why change must occur or plans altered due to illness, fatigue etc. Expect the unexpected but don't place the burden on yourself when everything does not go to plan. Flexibility and creativity will get you through those tricky moments.
“A parent who understands the changing nature of family, not only survives but thrives.”
What brings joy to you and your child?
The more we share joy with our children, the deeper and richer connection we make with them. Sharing joy triggers a host of significant physiological and psychological changes that improve our physical and mental health. Gail Smith shares some examples of what brings joy to your child.
It doesn’t take much for a child to feel joy. We can always help them feel that joy by our own actions. The more we share that joy the deeper and richer connection we make with our child. It also makes us very happy. It triggers a host of significant physiological and psychological changes that improves our physical and mental health.
Here are some examples of what brings joy to your child. Embrace it!
Seeing Your Child Laugh and Play Is Pure Joy
Watching your child burst into giggles while playing with their favourite toy or sharing a fun moment with friends at the park. Laugh with them. Feel the muscles move in your chest and enjoy the moment together.
Their Smile Brightens Up Your Day
When your child greets you with a big, toothy grin after school, or when they proudly show you a drawing they made. Notice how enlivening is their smile and how it makes you feel so much better.
Hearing Their Stories and Ideas Fills Your Heart with Joy
When your child excitedly tells you about their day at school, recounts a funny story, or shares their imaginative ideas for a new adventure.
Listen to what they have to say. There is so much joy in the way they express themselves and how they see the world.
Celebrating Milestones and Achievements Is a Source of Happiness
Witnessing your child take their first steps, reading their first book, or seeing them receive a certificate for a school accomplishment. With each milestone you know that your child is well on the way to being an independent individual. That should bring a smile to your face.
Quality Time Together Creates Special Memories and Joy
Enjoying a family game night, going on a nature hike, or having a cosy movie night complete with popcorn and snuggles. Find those special moments as a family. They don’t have to be large or complex. Make them spontaneous occasions where you can be together without any outside pressure. Build it into your week. Make it a family ritual that you get together and have some form of quality time.
Supporting Their Passions and Interests Brings Joy to Both of You
Encouraging your child's love for art by setting up a mini art studio at home or helping them explore their interest in science with exciting experiments.
Indulging your child’s passions will bring extreme pleasure and joy to your child. They will learn so much as they are keen to participate. Join them and learn from their excitement and joy. Its amazing how passions can become a life habit.
Our world is so much richer and calmer when there is a strong presence of joy in the world. Children are natural ‘joists’. They find joy in the simplest and least complicated aspects of life.
If you decide to join them you will lighten your world and build happy bridges with your child.
‘Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls”
- Mother Theresa
Encourage your child to write well
Writing is like giving your child a superpower—a way to express themselves, explore their thoughts, and tap into a world of creativity. It's not just about words on paper; it's about unlocking a whole new level of intellectual, physiological, and emotional growth. Dive into these exciting ideas by Gail Smith to cultivate your child's passion for writing, a skill that lies at the core of education!
Some children find it difficult to write. There are ways we can help them and of course, the best way to help is to write ourselves. There are many intellectual, physiological and emotional benefits to writing. It goes hand in glove with reading and cannot be seen as the poor cousin. It is believed that writing has wonderful therapeutic benefits and gives a child a voice. Words disappear into the ether, but written words can remain forever.
Here are some ideas to help your child build up an interest in writing which is very much at the heart of education.
Designate a special area in your home where your child can write comfortably. It could be a cozy corner with a desk or even just a designated cushion with a lap desk. Let them see that writing is encouraged in your home. Have plenty of writing materials hanging around.
Make sure your child has access to various writing materials such as pencils, pens, markers, crayons, and different types of paper. Let them experiment with different tools. For young children chalk on the ground is great fun.
Establish a regular time each day for writing. It could be before bedtime, after school, or during a quiet period on weekends. Consistency is key to forming good writing habits.
Encourage your child to keep a journal where they can write about their thoughts, feelings, daily experiences, or even stories they make up. Journaling can be a great way for children to express themselves freely. Perhaps giving your child a diary could be a great gift and introduction to writing.
Praise your child's writing efforts and celebrate their achievements, whether it's completing a story, writing neatly, or coming up with creative ideas. Display their work proudly or share it with family and friends.
Let your child see you writing. Whether it's making a grocery list, writing emails, or working on a personal project, show them that writing is a valuable skill used in everyday life.
Reading and writing go hand in hand. Encourage your child to read regularly and discuss the stories or information they encounter. Reading can inspire writing and improve vocabulary and language skills.
Present your child with fun writing challenges, such as writing a poem, creating a comic strip, or crafting a short story with a specific theme or word count. Joining in with these activities will make all the difference to your child.
Help your child understand the importance of writing by showing them how words can inform, entertain, persuade, and connect people. Encourage them to use their writing to express themselves and make a positive impact. Read sections of the newspaper to them that have an impact.
Enjoy reading what they have written. Together you can talk about the content and purpose of writing. Let them read aloud some of your writing as well.
Try suggesting to your child when they want to explain something that you would prefer they write it down for you to read. Sometimes an upset child can write down their feelings easier than talking about them.
Writing is a concrete statement. It can be kept and treasured. Promote your child’s writing by displaying it on fridges etc.
‘Once your child writes down their thoughts, they are expressing to the world a deeper statement about themselves.’ - Gail J Smith
Some simple ideas to slow down tension at home
Managing a bustling household often leads to tension, with everyone juggling tasks and schedules. To avoid potential issues, try these simple tips for a more harmonious home. Remember, small changes can make a big difference, so be kind to yourself as you navigate the challenges of parenting.
Busy home life can mean a build up of tension as everyone rushes around to complete jobs, homework, work schedules, sport practice etc. There is no shortage of activities that need to be done and as tension builds we can find ourselves angry and behaving in ways that we regret later.
Here are some simple suggestions to ward off problems that can arise from running a busy household where tension can easily build.
When you find yourself angry at some behaviour, take time out. It may only be a few minutes but it will slow down heightened feelings of anger and give you a chance to respond in a calmer way.
Be proactive. If you see some potential ares in which trouble can be brewing try to change patterns. For example, if siblings are fighting can you separate them to have time apart.
If you find yourself very tired, perhaps lighten your load and don’t expect as much of yourself on that day. Fatigue is a great stimulant for losing patience quickly.
When solving problems with your child choose language that is simple and uncomplicated. When a child is stressed they will not always hear everything you say, so keep it simple and to the point.
Avoid triggers that will set you off in an angry state. Also consider the triggers that set off your child. Are there some situations that can be avoided. Prevention is better that cure.
Practice breathing exercises. The more you learn to be calm and breathe well when a difficult situation presents itself, the better you will mange the situation.
Sometimes you can let things go! Consider, does everything have to be solved. Decide which is best, to be happy or to be right all the time.
Sometimes it is worthwhile to check in on why you are upset. Is it necessary? Is it really an issue for you?
Think about how damaging it is to the family to be angry and upset. Think about its importance to be resolved.
Remember the big picture. In the schema of life do you need to be angry over so many things. Consider that being a good enough parent is what is adequate. After all your journey with your child will be over many years. What can you let go that will make your life easier?
We do not live in a perfect world. Families can be a messy business and we have many pressures on us as parents to always make the best decisions for our children. Take little steps and be gentle on yourself as a parent. Allow your human side to be evident to all and find a peaceful style of working with your children.
“Children do not need us to shape them. They need us to respond to who they are.”
Parenting through uncertain times
In our fast-paced world, the internet and social media greatly influence how we see things. As a parent, navigating this can be tough. Check out Gail Smith's tips for creating a safe and supportive home environment for your child in this digital age.
We live in a fast moving world where internet and especially social media impact so much on how we see and interpret the world. I appreciate that for parents finding the right path to direct and support their child over their growing years comes with challenges.
The following thoughts may help to provide a domestic climate where a child feels safe and enabled in such an overstimulated world:
Communication is a vital key to supporting your children. Encourage open and honest communication with your children about what is happening. Provide age- appropriate information about the situation and answer their questions truthfully. Let them know that it's okay to feel scared or confused. Let them see how you are open to talking about all sorts of matters with no judgement.
Establishing and maintaining a consistent daily routine can provide children with a sense of stability and predictability during uncertain times. Routine and family rituals are comforting to a child who needs to know their boundaries and limitations.
Limit children's exposure to news coverage and social media discussions about the uncertain situation. Instead, provide updates and information in a calm and reassuring manner. Read newspapers with information that is appropriate to be read.
Validate your child's feelings and emotions regularly, acknowledging that it's normal to feel scared, anxious, or uncertain during challenging times. Encourage them to express their feelings through talking, drawing, or writing them. Let them see how you manage your emotions and deal with unsettling situations. Be authentic.
Help children focus on what they can control in the situation, such as practicing good hygiene, following safety guidelines, and engaging in activities that promote well-being. Empower them to take positive actions within their control. Talk about what is reasonable to be in their control.
If a child can learn to problem solve they become independent learners. Teach children problem-solving skills and encourage them to brainstorm solutions to the challenges they are facing. Sometimes breaking down problems into smaller parts makes solutions easier to manage.
Model self-care behaviours for your children by taking care of your own physical and emotional well-being. Let them see that you value personal care to nurture your self interests.
Help children stay connected with friends and loved ones through virtual means, such as video calls, online games etc. Social connections can provide comfort and support during uncertain times. Remember it takes a village to bring up a child.
Encourage resilience by highlighting examples of resilience in stories, movies, or real-life experiences. Help children recognize their own strengths and abilities to overcome challenges and bounce back from adversity. Affirm regularly their strengths when you notice them.
If you notice signs of significant distress, don't hesitate to seek professional help from a counsellor, therapist, or mental health professional who specializes in working with children. Such help is readily available to families.
Let’s be optimistic and positive with our children letting them see that with good care and proper directions today’s world can be understood and managed. As a parent negotiating your own way through today’s world will be a challenge. However, with a little bit of reflection and care you can make such a difference for your child.
“Whilst we live in uncertain times, let’s be certain we value effective parenting
to make the difference for our children.”
The importance of helping your child develop a positive body image
In today's world, our children can face many challenges when it comes to body image. It's important to help them develop a positive view of themselves. Gail Smith explains why this is so crucial and offers tips on how you can support your child in this process.
As parents we can be very helpful in our children’s formation years, encouraging them to love themselves and to appreciate how they look and feel about themselves. There are many challenges in today’s world with body image and our children can be exposed to some very unhealthy misconceptions. In their vulnerable years, they can be easily influenced and our role as parents is to offer a nurturing, gentle introduction to developing in themselves, a positive body image, where self-love takes a focus.
Consider the following suggestions:
Model positive body image and self-confidence in your own attitudes and
behaviours. Avoid making negative comments about your own body. Talk about
how you work on building a healthy body. Show them that you are very
comfortable in your skin.
Teach your child to use positive self-talk and affirmations to promote self-
acceptance and confidence. Encourage them to focus on their strengths, rather
than comparing themselves to others. Talk openly about feeling good about
yourself is so important.
Shift the focus from appearance to health by emphasizing the importance of
nourishing their bodies with nutritious foods, getting regular exercise, and
getting enough rest. Encourage them to listen to their body's cues and prioritise
self-care. Present images of healthy looking people and keep away from the body
beautiful image.
Talk to your child about the unrealistic beauty standards portrayed in media and
how they can distort perceptions of body image. Help them develop critical
thinking skills to question media messages. Beauty comes in many forms is an
important message.
Celebrate diversity and teach your child to appreciate the beauty of different body types, ethnicity, and cultures. Talk about differences and how healthy it is that we have variations in our body shapes and attitudes to others.
Encourage your child to engage in activities that make them feel good about
themselves and their bodies, such as sports, dance, art, or hobbies. Focus on the
joy of movement and the sense of accomplishment rather than appearance or
performance. Keep an eye on how they dress and affirm responsible dress ware.
Create a supportive and inclusive environment at home where your child feels
accepted and valued for who they are. Encourage open communication and
provide reassurance and encouragement when they express insecurities. Make
your home a comfortable inclusive space for everyone in all shapes and sizes.
Emphasise the importance of inner qualities such as kindness, compassion,
intelligence, and creativity over external appearance. Help your child develop a
strong sense of self-worth based on their character and values rather than
superficial attributes. It is not what we look like it is alley about what is inside.
Limit exposure to media that promotes unrealistic beauty standards or negative
body image messages. Encourage your child to follow positive role models and
influences who promote self-love, body positivism, and exclusivity. Leave
healthy journals and magazines around the house promoting good health and
hygiene.
If you notice signs of body image issues or low self-esteem in your child, seek
professional help from a therapist or counsellor who specialises in body image
and self-esteem issues. Monitor your child’s changing attitudes to themselves
especially when they enter teenage years.
Take care to have no negative talk about body images that you see on television, social media etc. Be a safe house where you understand that people are basically different and that’s OK!
“Dear Body,
You were never a problem. There is nothing wrong with your size.... You’re good enough already.”
Understanding difficult behaviour
Parenting can get tricky, especially when dealing with difficult behaviour. Check out Gail Smith’s suggestions on handling those challenging moments with your child.
Parenting has many aspects to it. However, one of the most complex aspects is dealing with difficult behaviour. It will happen from time to time and as a parent it is all about what you tolerate and what you believe is acceptable behaviour. One of the very best things you can do is to teach your child to behave well. Your modelling and teaching is vital in this area.
Let’s consider how difficult behaviour can manifest itself:
Children with high activity or are clearly unsettled are more likely to misbehave
Sometimes it’s all about attention seeking.
Perhaps getting their own way is important to them.
Sometimes revenge to show how angry they are.
A child will model bad behaviour from other children.
It can happen when guidelines are unclear at home.
Some children need to be specifically taught the correct behaviour.
When a child is stressed. Difficult behaviour can be an outcome.
These are only a few examples of why poor behaviour can happen. Consider tackling the difficult behaviour in the following way:
Listen effectively to what they have to say. This is active listening.
Then talk about ways to address their concerns.
Some negotiation may be need. Work together on this plan.
Then together think about a resolution which may involve consequences for the child. This is real problem solving.
Check in later after action has been taken and affirm your child for going through the process.
Prevention is better than cure so think about why the problem behaviour has occurred. The more you understand, the less problems will continue to evolve.
“When you catch their good behaviour, reward well. It’s the best antidote to misbehaviour.”
Be available to listen to your child at this early stage of the school year
When you listen well to your child you see your child more clearly. Explore the reasons for effective listening with Gail Smith, especially at this early stage of the school year.
At this early stage of the school year it is most important to be a good listener to your child. There will be the usual challenges and adjustments with a new classroom teacher and a different culture of children in a class. They need to have your ear when they come home. Some reasons for effective listening are listed below. You may identify with some as only you know how your child responds to change.
Being a good listener builds trust between you and your child. Once trust is established they will talk more about their deep concerns. They will safe to talk.
By actively listening, you can understand any concerns or anxieties your child may have about the new school year. Addressing these concerns helps them feel supported.
Listening attentively to your child's thoughts and feelings promotes their emotional well-being. It provides a safe space for them to express themselves, reducing stress and fostering a positive mindset.
Effective listening helps you identify your child's needs, whether they're related to schoolwork, social interactions, or personal challenges. This allows you to provide appropriate support and guidance. It is different for every child.
When you listen well you will actually be surprised at what you hear. Then asking simple questions may help get to the bottom of the problem sooner.
When children feel heard and understood, it boosts their confidence. Knowing that their opinions and experiences matter encourages them to engage more actively in school and other social situations. Sometimes just talking it through is enough!
Actively listening to your child strengthens the bond between you. It creates a sense of connection and security, making them more likely to turn to you for guidance and support. That is the right place for your child to get the support.
Understanding your child's thoughts about school allows you to provide targeted support for their academic success. You can address any challenges they may be facing and work together on solutions.
When you get into the habit of listening well your child will expect nothing less. However the reward is the richness of conversation that develops.
A child who feels vulnerable in talking about their concerns will only disclose if they are genuinely listened to in a safe and trusting environment. Know your child’s needs.
Time is needed to be an active listener. You cannot do it on the run. Allow time when your child needs to talk.
At this early stage of the year is it a good idea to be readily available to listen to your child. They may need that comfortable ear.
“When you listen well to your child you see your child more clearly”
Listening to your children is incredibly important for several reasons
Talk less, listen more next time when you are having a conversation with your children. Consider the following reasons why active listening is so important by Gail Smith.
We all need to feel heard. We need to express our needs to gain help. Children get the support they need by being listened to from a caring and patient parent. Consider the following reasons why active listening is so important:
Building Trust and Connection: When you listen attentively to your children, it strengthens the bond between you. It shows them that their thoughts, feelings, and opinions matter, creating a foundation of trust and openness in your relationship. Children feel safer when being really listened to effectively.
Developing Healthy Communication Skills: By actively listening, you teach your children the importance of effective communication. They learn how to express themselves, articulate their thoughts, and engage in meaningful conversations. Children enjoy being around a child that listens well. They feel reassured and valued.
Boosting Self-Esteem and Confidence: When children feel heard and understood, it boosts their self- esteem. It gives them the confidence to express themselves without fear of judgement, nurturing their sense of self-worth. Being truly heard means that you value that person and believe that what they have to say has credibility.
Understanding Their World: Listening to your children helps you understand their world better. It provides insights into their interests, concerns, and challenges, allowing you to offer guidance and support tailored to their needs. You form better relationships with your child when you understand and appreciate their world.
Building Emotional Intelligence: Listening well nurtures emotional intelligence in children. They learn to identify and express their emotions, leading to better self-regulation and empathy towards others.
Encouraging Problem-Solving Skills: Active listening teaches children problem-solving skills. By allowing them to express their thoughts and feelings, they learn to analyze situations and find solutions independently. This is all about believing in themselves and having trusting people around them that listen.
Strengthening Parent-Child Relationship: When children feel heard and valued, it strengthens the parent-child relationship. It creates a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing their joys and concerns, leading to a deeper connection.
Setting the tone of conversation: When you listen well you are often calm and talk in a comfortable, unstressed manner. This sets the scene for a relaxed and peaceful chat that has value to your child.
By setting up a culture of listening well to your child, you set the scene for an environment where conversation is encouraged and where everyone feels valued and makes contributions.
“Listen well to your child. They will return this compliment later.”
Nurturing Your Child's Well-Being: A Guide for Parents to Cultivate Hope and Resilience
With the challenges children face today, from academic pressures to social media’s influence, fostering their mental and emotional health has never been more important. Read on for some strategies and insights to help you in this enriching yet challenging endeavour.
In the whirlwind of modern parenting, nurturing a child’s well-being has taken on new dimensions. With the challenges children face today, from academic pressures to social media’s influence, fostering their mental and emotional health has never been more important. As a parent, you play a pivotal role in guiding and supporting your child on this journey towards well-being. Here are some strategies and insights to help you in this enriching yet sometimes challenging endeavour.
Encourage Open Communication
Communication is the cornerstone of understanding your child's world. Create an environment where your child feels safe to express their thoughts and emotions. Such an environment will give your child the liberty to talk freely and to feel that their opinions and ideas are valued. This environment places no judgement and is open to listen at all times
Foster a Supportive Environment
Children flourish when they feel supported. Whether it's a difficult maths problem or a problem with a friend, show your child that you're there to offer guidance and encouragement. Achievements are to be celebrated as much as the effort that is put into activities. Such a supportive environment is also one that makes a child feel safe being around reliable and trusted people.
Prioritise Mental and Physical Health
A healthy mind resides in a healthy body. Encourage regular physical activity, nutritious meals, and adequate sleep. There many ways to work on mental and physical health and your modelling is very important here. A child needs to see that you value your own good health and well being. Talk about healthy ideas and associate with environments that nourish positive thinking about eating well and living well.
Instil Resilience and Coping Skills
Life is full of ups and downs, and teaching your child to navigate these fluctuations is a priceless gift. Resilience is such a key catalyst in building emotional maturity. Teach your child how failure can be a positive growth curve and that we learn best by taking risks and having a go. Putting ourselves in challenging situations is also another way of learning resilience.
Set Realistic Expectations
While it's natural to want the best for your child, it's crucial to set realistic expectations. Each child is unique and has their own pace of development. It is most important to learn about balance and to recognise what is a realistic challenge for your child. Take care that they set goals that are within reach. Progressive success along the way is the best form of encouragement.
Lead by Example
Children often emulate the behaviours they observe in their parents. Show them how you handle stress, make decisions, and maintain a positive outlook. Being a model can be tiring and so your child simply wants your honest efforts put forward. Be authentic, when you make a mistake be honest about it but let your child know how you keep trying.
Well being is a life long journey of discovery about yourself. As a parent you have the joy of being such an important part of their early well being. You cannot be perfect in this area in fact if you try too hard you will wear yourself out and feel frustrated by your lack of achievements. Simply be yourself and take care to provide a climate that is inviting and welcoming to your growing child.
‘A happy home is full of grace and well being’
- Gail J Smith
Encourage creativity in our children
Creativity is intelligence having fun. Read on to see how creativity can be a major driving force of learning for your child.
Einstein once said: Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.
All great learners were creative. They experimented with ideas, challenged their thoughts, looked outside the square and developed a vision of what they wanted to achieve. As a parent you can find many ways to develop your child’s creativity and of course encourage them to follow their passions. The thoughts below are a guide to reflecting on how creativity can be a major driving force of learning for your child.
Creativity encourages Inquisitiveness and Exploration
Creativity sparks curiosity, prompting children to explore and question the world around them. Let them ask those important questions.
A child encouraged to ask "What if?" might explore science experiments, leading to a lifelong interest in discovery and learning. There is no room for self doubt with creativity.
Creativity develops Critical Thinking and Problem-Solving Skills
Creative activities challenge children to think critically and solve problems, essential skills for effective learning.
Building with blocks or solving a puzzle encourages creative problem-solving, laying the foundation for analytical thinking. Play games with your child and encourage different types of formal learning such as chess, dominoes etc.
Creativity fosters a Love for Learning
Creative pursuits make learning enjoyable, fostering a love for discovering new things. This is all about following those passions that drive your interest
Engaging in imaginative storytelling or creative writing can make literature and language exciting, creating a positive association with learning. Encourage your child with reading.
Creativity enhances Communication and Expression
Creative activities provide children with various avenues to express themselves, improving communication skills. Think about how wonderful drama is to enrich the spirit.
Drawing, painting, or even acting out stories allows children to convey their thoughts and feelings, enhancing their ability to communicate effectively. Allow your child to sing, dance, recite invent plays etc. It is all about being creative.
Creativity promotes Adaptability and Resilience
Creativity encourages adaptability and resilience by teaching children to approach challenges with an open mind. They should not be afraid of failure but see it as an opportunity to rethink.
When faced with a setback, a child accustomed to creative problem-solving might see it as an opportunity to try a different approach. In fact they enjoy the challenge looking at alternative ways of thinking..
If our children are encouraged to explore and to see the world through creative eyes, they will be creators, innovators, leaders etc. Creativity gives you the confidence to think freely and to take risks in learning that can lead you into new directions. Be the parent that invites creativity into the life of your child. They will be happier and richer for the experience.
‘Creativity is intelligence having fun’
-Albert Einstein