Think about having one-on-one time with your children

We are starting to reflect on what lies ahead for 2024. In your planning consider allocating some individual time for each of your children. Providing such time gives your child a wonderful sense of being important in their own right. It will make quite a difference in building that relationship with each child as they can express their uniqueness and feel their story is being heard. It also lessens sibling rivalry, which can be quite damaging amongst children.

Think about these reflections that provide sound reasons why one on one time with each child has its value for you and your child.

Special Connection: One-on-one time creates a special connection between you and your child. It makes them feel valued and loved for who they are as an individual..

Open Communication: It encourages open communication, helping your child feel comfortable sharing thoughts and feelings. Being on their own with you invites them to talk more openly about matters that are important to them.

Boosts Confidence: Individual attention boosts their confidence, showing them that their uniqueness is celebrated. They are not competing with their siblings who may have a stronger personality and can express themselves more confidently..

Tailored Support: It allows for tailored support, addressing specific needs and interests that might get overlooked in a group setting. With each child you will hear about their specific hopes and dreams.

Strengthens Bonds: One-on-one time strengthens the parent-child bond, building a foundation of trust and understanding. Your child will feel better understood and therefore more keen to engage with you on important matters.

A family can be a noisy, bustling space where stronger temperaments get heard quickly and where some children may have greater needs to be met, physical or emotional. Giving each child some regular one on one time provides some personal safe space in which each child can be themselves and feel personally connected in a deeper way to their parents.

“We can empathize with our children more deeply when we give them one on one time.”

— Gail J Smith

The value of building independence in our children

Doing things for our children is a natural part of our role as parents. We do know however that the more we encourage independence in our children, the faster they learn and the more confidence they gain in themselves. Sometimes giving more independence can be scary as they may take risks, venture into the unknown without you and discover new horizons on their own.

Be that as it may, you want your child to be slowly and steadily finding their own way, forging their own direction. Consider the following reasons why encouraging independence with your child is a sign of good parenting.

Teaching Independence builds Confidence and Self-Esteem: Teaching independence allows children to accomplish tasks on their own, fostering a sense of achievement. As they successfully navigate challenges independently, their confidence and self-esteem naturally grow, laying a strong foundation for a positive self-image. The more confident a child becomes, the quicker they learn.

Being independent promotes Problem-Solving Skills: Encouraging independence requires children to think critically and problem-solve. When they face challenges without immediate assistance, they learn to analyze situations, make decisions, and find solutions, honing valuable problem-solving skills that will benefit them throughout life. They learn to make mistakes and move on quickly.

Independence fosters Responsibility and Accountability: Independence goes hand-in-hand with responsibility. When children are entrusted with age-appropriate tasks and responsibilities, they learn to take ownership of their actions. This sense of accountability contributes to the development of a responsible and conscientious mindset. From an early age you can teach your child to be responsible whether its sorting toys, cleaning rooms or managing money, it all counts.

Independence encourages Initiative and Creativity: Independent children are more likely to take initiative and explore their interests. By allowing them the freedom to pursue activities on their own, you nurture a spirit of curiosity and creativity. This independence encourages them to discover their passions and express their unique selves without interference.

Independence prepares for Future Challenges: Teaching independence equips children with essential life skills necessary for adulthood. From basic self-care tasks to decision-making and time management, independent children are better prepared to face the challenges of adolescence and adulthood. This preparation instils resilience and adaptability, essential qualities for navigating the complexities of life. The world they grow into is far different from their parent’s world and will require a new set of skills in certain areas.

Just as a child grows and changes, so too should our parenting. We need to evolve as a parent and recognize that our child will gradually seek independence. We demonstrate understanding by supporting their independence and respecting their choices and we are happy to work with them as we gradually remove ourselves, as dependency on us decreases.

“Start giving your child a sense of control. Build independence in them so they grow stronger.”

— Gail J Smith

Listening to your children is incredibly important for several reasons

We all need to feel heard. We need to express our needs to gain help. Children get the support they need by being listened to from a caring and patient parent. Consider the following reasons why active listening is so important:

Building Trust and Connection: When you listen attentively to your children, it strengthens the bond between you. It shows them that their thoughts, feelings, and opinions matter, creating a foundation of trust and openness in your relationship. Children feel safer when being really listened to effectively.

Developing Healthy Communication Skills: By actively listening, you teach your children the importance of effective communication. They learn how to express themselves, articulate their thoughts, and engage in meaningful conversations. Children enjoy being around a child that listens well. They feel reassured and valued.

Boosting Self-Esteem and Confidence: When children feel heard and understood, it boosts their self- esteem. It gives them the confidence to express themselves without fear of judgement, nurturing their sense of self-worth. Being truly heard means that you value that person and believe that what they have to say has credibility.

Understanding Their World: Listening to your children helps you understand their world better. It provides insights into their interests, concerns, and challenges, allowing you to offer guidance and support tailored to their needs. You form better relationships with your child when you understand and appreciate their world.

Building Emotional Intelligence: Listening well nurtures emotional intelligence in children. They learn to identify and express their emotions, leading to better self-regulation and empathy towards others.

Encouraging Problem-Solving Skills: Active listening teaches children problem-solving skills. By allowing them to express their thoughts and feelings, they learn to analyze situations and find solutions independently. This is all about believing in themselves and having trusting people around them that listen.

Strengthening Parent-Child Relationship: When children feel heard and valued, it strengthens the parent-child relationship. It creates a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing their joys and concerns, leading to a deeper connection.

Setting the tone of conversation: When you listen well you are often calm and talk in a comfortable, unstressed manner. This sets the scene for a relaxed and peaceful chat that has value to your child.

By setting up a culture of listening well to your child, you set the scene for an environment where conversation is encouraged and where everyone feels valued and makes contributions.

“Listen well to your child. They will return this compliment later.”

— Gail Smith

Nurturing Your Child's Well-Being: A Guide for Parents to Cultivate Hope and Resilience

In the whirlwind of modern parenting, nurturing a child’s well-being has taken on new dimensions. With the challenges children face today, from academic pressures to social media’s influence, fostering their mental and emotional health has never been more important. As a parent, you play a pivotal role in guiding and supporting your child on this journey towards well-being. Here are some strategies and insights to help you in this enriching yet sometimes challenging endeavour.

1. Encourage Open Communication

   Communication is the cornerstone of understanding your child's world. Create an environment where your child feels safe to express their thoughts and emotions. Such an environment will give your child the liberty to talk freely and to feel that their opinions and ideas are valued. This environment places no judgement and is open to listen at all times

2. Foster a Supportive Environment

   Children flourish when they feel supported. Whether it's a difficult maths problem or a problem with a friend, show your child that you're there to offer guidance and encouragement.  Achievements are to be celebrated as much as the effort that is put into activities. Such a supportive environment is also one that makes a child feel safe being around reliable and trusted people.

3. Prioritise Mental and Physical Health

   A healthy mind resides in a healthy body. Encourage regular physical activity, nutritious meals, and adequate sleep. There many ways to work on mental and physical health and your modelling is very important here. A child needs to see that you value your own good health and well being. Talk about healthy ideas and associate with environments that nourish positive thinking about eating well and living well.

4. Instil Resilience and Coping Skills

   Life is full of ups and downs, and teaching your child to navigate these fluctuations is a priceless gift. Resilience is such a key catalyst in building emotional maturity. Teach your child how failure can be a positive growth curve and that we learn best by taking risks and having a go. Putting ourselves in challenging situations is also another way of learning resilience.

5. Set Realistic Expectations

   While it's natural to want the best for your child, it's crucial to set realistic expectations. Each child is unique and has their own pace of development. It is most important to learn about balance and to recognise what is a realistic challenge for your child. Take care that they set goals that are within reach. Progressive success along the way is the best form of encouragement.

6. Lead by Example

   Children often emulate the behaviours they observe in their parents. Show them how you handle stress, make decisions, and maintain a positive outlook. Being a model can be tiring and so your child simply wants your honest efforts put forward. Be authentic, when you make a mistake be honest about it but let your child know how you keep trying.

Well being is a life long journey of discovery about yourself. As a parent you have the joy of being such an important part of their early well being. You cannot be  perfect in this area in fact if you try too hard you will wear yourself out and feel frustrated by your lack of achievements. Simply be yourself and take care to provide a climate that is inviting and welcoming to your growing child.

‘A happy home is full of grace and well being’

- Gail J Smith

Prepare well for the new year

Here are some ideas to start us thinking about creative ways to introduce our children to 2024. With each new year comes opportunities to change, shift thinking, grow in different directions, challenge current ideas etc. Perhaps some suggestions may set you in a new direction as you prepare for what’s ahead.

Family Vision Board Party: Set up a family vision board to set intentions and aspirations for the year ahead. Gather magazines, art supplies, and create vision boards together, depicting hopes, dreams, and goals for each family member.

New Year's Eve Time Capsule: Create a time capsule filled with small mementos, notes, or drawings representing memorable moments from the past year. Seal it and set a date to open it together next year to reminisce and see how much has changed. Place it in a safe and memorable place easy to access.

Setting Family Resolutions: Discuss and set family resolutions together. Encourage everyone to share one goal or resolution they'd like to achieve throughout the year. It's a fun way to support each other's aspirations.

Reflective Family Dinner: Host a reflective family dinner where everyone shares their favourite memories from the past year. Make it festive by dressing up, cooking a special meal, and enjoying quality time together. Keep it upbeat and the memories positive.

Gratitude Jar for the New Year: Start a gratitude jar specifically for the new year. Each day, encourage family members to write down something they're grateful for and place it in the jar. By the end of the year, read and reflect on the abundance of blessings collected.

Family Meeting and Planning: Hold a family meeting to discuss plans and activities for the upcoming year. Brainstorm ideas for vacations, outings, or special family events, allowing everyone to contribute to the planning process.

Family diary: Set up a calendar for the new year. Make it very visible and invite family to start writing up events that they know about. Make it a discussion piece so that the family can discuss whether there are too many busy events etc.

House remodeling: Is there any changes you need to make in the home to improve conditions for your growing family? Perhaps discuss where study areas are allocated and how entertainment areas will work for the year. Think about how you can improve movement and circulation around the house for all the family.

The New Year should be a time where we start to reflect on our hopes and aspirations for the new year. We all seek to keep growing and improving. We recognize that our children are changing and we take that into consideration as we reflect on our needs and expectations for the forthcoming months.

“Each year we begin again. A chance to refresh ourselves on so many levels.”

— Gail Smith

The value of spending time and having fun with your child

Having fun with your child is all about finding quality time that is a such a precious and valuable way of building lasting and healthy relationships. Positive memories of childhood are often seen through those wonderful relaxed times, with no expectation placed on you other than enjoying each other’s company. Consider the following thoughts that give good reasons why this is valuable time spent in the company of your child.

1. Building Strong Emotional Bonds

   Emotional Connection:

   Spending quality time creates a strong emotional bond between you and your child. It fosters trust and security, which is essential for their emotional development. There is nothing more exhilarating than simply playing with your child.

2.  Nurturing Self-Esteem and Confidence

   Boosting Self-Esteem:

   Engaging in fun activities with your child helps them feel valued and important. Positive interactions and shared experiences contribute to building their self-esteem and confidence. They feel secure and confident that they are valued and that your time with them is precious.

3. Enhancing Communication and Understanding

   Open Communication:

   Quality time together often leads to better communication. It offers opportunities for meaningful conversations and understanding each other's thoughts, feelings, and interests. You are more inclined to listen to each other and to be less intimidated by what they have to say.

4.  Promoting Mental and Emotional Well-being

   Reducing Stress and Anxiety:

   Fun activities and shared experiences can reduce stress and anxiety, both for the child and the parent. Laughter and play contribute to a positive emotional state. The less stress the better and safer the environment for the child. We think more clearly and act more responsibly when less stressed.

5.  Creating Lasting Memories and Values

   Building Memories and Values:

   The time spent together creates lasting memories that your child will cherish. It also helps instil important values, such as the significance of relationships and having fun in life. Never underestimate the imprint you make as your child builds their tapestry of memories. It is well known that happy spontaneous moments can easily become life long memories.

We sometimes can become preoccupied with providing full on activities and experiences for our children. Remember that for them images of being together with you, relaxed and happy is the key to sharing lasting joy together. One of my most vivid and happy childhood memories is my grandmother putting a red tea towel on her head and doing a Spanish dance around the kitchen.

I was six!

 ‘Have fun with your child. There is much to gain for both of you.’

 - Gail J Smith

Speaking well to children

It’s amazing! What we say can have such an impact on our children. Our tone of voice, volume, even speed of speaking can send messages to our children. They are always looking for cues and clues in how you speak to determine how emotionally safe they are and to feel reassured. Consider the following thoughts about the positive impact speaking well has on your child.

When we use encouraging and positive words, it helps your child feel good about themselves. They grow up feeling confident and sure of who they are. Everyone likes and needs to hear positive talk about themselves.

 Speaking kindly builds a beautiful bond between you and your child. It's like wrapping them in a warm, comforting hug. It helps them know they're loved and understood.

 When we talk to them with love and respect, it creates a safe space for them to share their thoughts and feelings. In that space they will come to you more often, especially when anxious about matters.

 Using gentle words helps them learn how to express themselves better. It's like giving them a key to open the door to clear and easy conversations. They will model your style of language and feel very comfortable in a style that is built around caring words.

 When we use uplifting words, it's like planting seeds of confidence in their hearts. They start believing in themselves and become their own biggest fans. Personal self worth grows stronger around comfortable speech.

 Fostering a Cozy Nest: Using gentle words wraps them in a cozy blanket of security and love. It's like creating a safe haven where they feel accepted and cherished.

 Sowing Seeds of Kindness: By speaking with warmth, we teach them the power of kindness and respect. They grow to prefer that way of speaking and adopt it comfortably themselves.

How we talk to our children is a direct statement about how we value and respect them. When feeling unsure and unsettled try walking away and saying nothing until you are calmer. It makes such a difference to the outcome.

“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”

— Peggy O'Mara

Encourage creativity in our children

Einstein once said: Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.

All great learners were creative. They experimented with ideas, challenged their thoughts, looked outside the square and developed a vision of what they wanted to achieve. As a parent you can find many ways to develop your child’s creativity and of course encourage them to follow their passions. The thoughts below are a guide to reflecting on how creativity can be a major driving force of learning for your child.

Creativity encourages Inquisitiveness and Exploration
Creativity sparks curiosity, prompting children to explore and question the world around them. Let them ask those important questions.

A child encouraged to ask "What if?" might explore science experiments, leading to a lifelong interest in discovery and learning. There is no room for self doubt with creativity.

Creativity develops Critical Thinking and Problem-Solving Skills
Creative activities challenge children to think critically and solve problems, essential skills for effective learning.

Building with blocks or solving a puzzle encourages creative problem-solving, laying the foundation for analytical thinking. Play games with your child and encourage different types of formal learning such as chess, dominoes etc.

Creativity fosters a Love for Learning
Creative pursuits make learning enjoyable, fostering a love for discovering new things. This is all about following those passions that drive your interest

Engaging in imaginative storytelling or creative writing can make literature and language exciting, creating a positive association with learning. Encourage your child with reading.

Creativity enhances Communication and Expression
Creative activities provide children with various avenues to express themselves, improving communication skills. Think about how wonderful drama is to enrich the spirit.

Drawing, painting, or even acting out stories allows children to convey their thoughts and feelings, enhancing their ability to communicate effectively. Allow your child to sing, dance, recite invent plays etc. It is all about being creative.

Creativity promotes Adaptability and Resilience

Creativity encourages adaptability and resilience by teaching children to approach challenges with an open mind. They should not be afraid of failure but see it as an opportunity to rethink.

When faced with a setback, a child accustomed to creative problem-solving might see it as an opportunity to try a different approach. In fact they enjoy the challenge looking at alternative ways of thinking..

If our children are encouraged to explore and to see the world through creative eyes, they will be creators, innovators, leaders etc. Creativity gives you the confidence to think freely and to take risks in learning that can lead you into new directions. Be the parent that invites creativity into the life of your child. They will be happier and richer for the experience.

‘Creativity is intelligence having fun’

-Albert Einstein

Enjoyable reasons to rest and celebrate family after Christmas:

Enough is enough. You have had a busy year. Now it’s time to savour those rolling days of summer with your family. Consider the ideas below to enrich those family experiences.

Exploring New Adventures: Post-Christmas holidays are a perfect time for spontaneous adventures. It's like setting sail on an unplanned journey, discovering hidden gems in your own backyard or exploring nearby attractions. Find the new feeling to holidays.

Creating. Crafty Fun: Get crafty and unleash creativity with family projects. It's like an artsy workshop, where you turn leftover wrapping paper into handmade cards or transform pine cones into adorable decorations.

Appreciating Slow Mornings: Enjoy lazy mornings without rush or schedules. It's like savouring a hot cup of cocoa while wearing pyjamas until noon – relishing those precious moments of peacefulness. Simply slow down.

Reflecting on the year past: Have fun talking about the adventures, mishaps and funny moments of the last year. It is good to reflect as it helps you think about plans and goals for the new year.

Playing games together: When you are well rested you are more inclined to play together and enjoy those relaxed happy moments. You will laugh more and be a little mindful of the precious times you are spending together as a family.

“Roll out those lazy, hazy crazy days of Summer”

— Song by Nat King Cole

Let’s bring the warmth of Christmas into our family

These reflections are about how you can keep the spirit of Christmas alive in the family. Some may spark ideas which are unique for your family.

Creating Lasting Memories: Embrace the opportunity to create lasting memories with your children during this festive season. Laugh, enjoy each other’s company and play together.

Nurturing Traditions: Embrace and cherish family traditions that bring joy and unity. This could be about decorating the tree or cooking traditions. It doesn’t matter how simple and uncomplicated the rituals are just own them as your own.

Fostering Gratitude and Generosity: Talk about those people that have had an impact on you this year. Encourage lots of thank yous and recognition of other people’s efforts in your life.

Embracing Togetherness: Embrace the joy of being together as a family. This is the time to spend mote time together. It can be idle time or coordinated. It’s about the quality of time spent together that matters.

Finding Peace and Reflection: Amidst the hustle and bustle, take moments for peaceful reflection. Enjoy having some mental space and let go of some unresolved matters. Free yourself up mentally over Christmas. You need that respite.

Cultivating Hope and Optimism: Adopt a happy disposition and talk hopefully about the new year. Let your child feel that all the effort made throughout the year is worth it.

Embracing Simplicity and Graciousness: Embrace simplicity and graciousness in celebrations. It's not about extravagance but about the love and warmth shared among family and friends.

Teaching the Joy of Giving: Teach your children the joy of giving. Whether it's through small gestures or volunteering, instill the joy of making a positive difference in somebody's life. There are many charity organization out and about at the moment and needing assistance.

Treasuring the Present Moments: So much fun and happy moments can happen over these relaxing times. Enjoy it all. Look for those spontaneous moments of joy.

Sharing Family Stories: Share family stories and anecdotes from your own childhood or heritage. These stories help connect generations and instill a sense of belonging and pride in family history.

The list above is not meant to be onerous. Just think about the uniqueness of your family and use opportunities to embrace each other and celebrate what makes you special.

We wish all families a merry Christmas

Worthwhile thoughts to give our children as we approach Christmas.

Let’s simplify Christmas and bring home to our children some important reminders about the goodwill and cheer that Christmas should bring.

Focus on Presence Over Presents: Remind yourself that the joy of the holiday season comes from being together, creating memories, and spending quality time with family. Emphasize the value of experiences and meaningful moments over material gifts. Talk about those wonderful experiences that make you family.

Teach Gratitude and Generosity: Encourage your children to appreciate what they have and to express gratitude. Use this time to instil the importance of giving, kindness, and generosity by involving them in charitable activities or teaching them to create handmade gifts for loved ones. Now is a time to say thank you to all those who have helped you throughout the year. It is time also to put our bad feelings behind us.

Manage Expectations: Help your children manage expectations about gifts and festivities. Explain that while gifts are a part of the celebration, the true spirit of Christmas lies in love, togetherness, and spreading joy, not solely in the number or value of presents received. Introduce simple gift ideas that they can make. Perhaps writing cards etc.

Create Traditions and Rituals: Consider establishing family traditions that reflect the values you want to instil. Whether decorating the tree together, baking cookies, or volunteering as a family, these rituals create lasting memories and reinforce the spirit of Christmas beyond material aspects. Every family can create their own rituals, and the children feel secure around them.

Emphasize Balance and Relaxation: Amidst the hustle and bustle, prioritize balance and relaxation. Ensure that the holiday season doesn't become overwhelming for your children. Encourage them to take breaks, engage in self-care activities, and find joy in the simple pleasures of the season. Let them plan holidays with you, and sometimes this may simply mean quiet times together.

Above all, embrace your Christmas with warmth, friendship and family connections. 

Managing anger around children.

Anger management can be quite an issue when we live busy lives, have many and varied pressures on us and our children are unsettled. It’s a natural part of life to feel anger. What we need to understand is that a child can often misinterpret our anger and will often take on much of the blame when we have a meltdown. Managing our anger around children is the best way to ensure that your child is not overpowered by your feelings. Our angry outbursts can sometimes lead them to shut down and to avoid being in our presence.

 Here are some thoughts on how your anger can influence your child.

• Children need a safe and nurturing environment. Uncontrolled anger can create fear and emotional insecurity, impacting a child's sense of safety at home. The home should be a very safe place for them.

•  Witnessing frequent anger can harm a child's mental health. It may lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and difficulty in managing emotions. Often they blame themselves for the anger.

• Children learn by observing. Constant exposure to anger might lead them to imitate aggressive behaviours, affecting their own ways of handling stress and conflicts. What they see is often what they think is the way to operate.

• A calm environment encourages open communication. When parents manage anger, it fosters trust, allowing children to feel comfortable sharing their feelings without fear of harsh reactions.

• Children learn about healthy relationships from their parents. Managing anger positively teaches them constructive ways to handle conflicts, promoting healthier relationships in the future. When they see healthy relationships, they desire to have them in their life.

If the family household contains a lot of anger, it can put your child at risk of mental health problems later in life. It also suggests that they may become aggressive and exhibit behavioural problems themselves.

Consider the three R’s of anger- Recognise, Reflect and Respond. Also, when feeling really angry, step away from the feeling for a while. This helps reduce the angry feeling.

 As a parent, understand how you cope emotionally with your child.  Being aware will make all the difference to yourself and especially your child.

 ‘For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Teach your child to have a go and to be a risk taker

Just because you do not know something is not a reason for avoiding the situation or perhaps going around the problem. We want our children to have an embedded belief locked into them. They need to feel confident to have a go and take a risk. If a child automatically puts themselves forward when a challenge comes their way they have learnt how to learn.

Look at the following great advantages of being a child who takes risks.

1. Boosts Confidence and Self-Esteem
   Advantage: Taking risks helps children believe in themselves and feel more confident. They grow in self esteem.

2. Encourages Problem-Solving Skills
   Advantage: Risk-taking teaches kids to find solutions when things don't go as planned. It is a natural process for them to keep trying different ways and means of getting solutions.

3. Fosters Creativity and Innovation
   Advantage: Trying new things sparks creativity and helps kids come up with new ideas. Once you start something different, new ideas and concepts grow.

4. Promotes Independence and Resilience
   Advantage: Taking risks makes kids more independent and resilient when facing challenges. They are not anxious about making mistakes but in fact see them as part of the learning process.

5. Develops a Positive Attitude Towards Learning
   Advantage: Being willing to have a go creates a positive attitude towards learning new things. Once a learner always a learner.

As a parent your child will observe how you embrace risk taking in your life. Invite your child into discussing all sorts of options that involve having a go and taking a risk. Enjoy this adventure together.

‘Don’t let what you don’t know stop you from having a go’

Lisamessenger

Managing anger in children

There are many ways we can respond to anger. Consider the following ideas to help with managing anger.

Teach Your Child Acceptable Responses to Anger

• They can simply walk away from the person making them angry.

• Find a spot to cool off.

• Think about positive thoughts that take you away form the anger

• Tell yourself to keep calm.

Teaching How to Handle Big Feelings

• Kids need to learn how to handle their big feelings like anger. It helps them deal with tough situations better. Talk about what is a big feeling.

• Teach simple breathing exercises or offer a cosy spot when they're upset. Show them it's okay to talk about feelings and find ways to let out anger without hurting anyone, like drawing or going for a run.

• Solving problems and talking nicely

• Learning to manage anger teaches children how to fix problems without fighting and how to talk nicely.

• Practise talking about what's bothering them without yelling. Show how to listen when someone else is upset and find ways to fix things together. Always create  a calm, warm atmosphere when talking about anxious matters.

Making Friends and Being Happy

•  Handling anger nicely helps kids make good friends and be happy in school and at home.

•  Role-play situations where they can practise talking without getting mad. Encourage being kind and understanding to others to build strong friendships.

 Feeling Calm and Relaxed

•  Managing anger helps kids feel calm and relaxed instead of stressed or upset all the time.

•  Try relaxation activities like deep breaths or listening to calming music. Doing fun activities or games that they enjoy also helps release stress. A basketball ring outside in the yard is a great stress buster

Getting Stronger and Smarter

• Learning to handle anger makes kids strong and smart. It helps them learn from mistakes and not give up. With anger under control they are more socially engaging with everyone.

•  Encourage them to think positively when things go wrong. Show how trying different ways to solve a problem can make them better at handling tough situations.

We all have a right to feel angry. It is a natural response when we are disappointed, hurt etc. Teaching our children how to deal with anger in a positive way develops their emotional intelligence and gives them great strategies to operate in many and varied life situations. A person’s well being is really enhanced if they have great skills in managing anger.

‘Teaching your child how their behaviour effects others raises their sensitivities and invites them to rethink their anger.’

 - Gail J Smith

A few good tips when managing your child.

We are all learning how to parent on a daily basis. It keeps evolving as new experiences come our way. There is nothing that is constant as our children are developing and changing over the years.

Here are some reflections on what really works well when engaging with your child.

• Always respect them and let them know they are valued no matter how old they are.

• When you give consequences, be clear about them and ensure they are in proportion to what the problem was about.

• Always consider negotiating with them so that they feel that they have been heard. Giving a little every so often reaps many benefits.

• Your child needs frequent validation and reassurance that they are loved.

• We often talk a lot as a parent. Practise listening and really hearing what they have to say. Be patient and still when listening.

• Encouraging independence slowly and steadily builds their confidence and feelings of self-worth. They can fail without fear of needing reprisal.

• Put reasonable structures and routines in place.

• Be authentic. Let them see the real you with all its success and foibles.

 Practices that should be avoided:

• Name-calling and sarcasm. Words are powerful tools or weapons

• Rules that have no real purpose. A child needs to understand why a rule is in place.

• Too much control and too many noes.

• Be careful with put-downs. Children have a long memory.

• Take care not to overprotect. The apple does not fall far from the tree anyway.

• Too many outbursts of anger around your child. This can send them into silence around you.

In a perfect world, we would not have to think about our parenting. However, we are human, make mistakes and need to keep learning.

The best parenting is when you are always open to change and ready to learn.

 ‘The best inheritance a parent can give his children is a few minutes of his time each day.’

                                   -O A Battista

Teaching good manners is a great life skill

If we want our children to be well accepted and socially adapt then teaching and modelling good manners gives them a great advantage in life. Manners are a good way for you to show gratitude, display respect and demonstrate kindness. Well mannered children are highly sort after for leadership, advanced learning opportunities, senior roles etc.

Here are five key reasons outlining the benefits:

Social Skills and Relationships

Good manners help children interact positively with others, building strong relationships. When a child has good manners they are welcomed into groups. Other children feel comfortable around them and not threatened by unpredictable behaviour. Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others.

Respect and Empathy

Manners teach children to be respectful and empathetic towards others' feelings and perspectives. A well mannered child is very conscious about how to address people and how to engage with someone in difficult circumstances. Their powers of observation in dealing with people is more acute

 Confidence and Self-Esteem

Practising good manners boosts children's confidence and self-esteem in social situations. They feel more sure about themselves knowing that how they communicate often sets the scene for conversation.

Success in School and Future Career

Having good manners positively influences academic success and future career prospects. People are attracted to well mannered people and are comfortable in engaging with them.

Positive Reputation and Liability

Children with good manners are often well-liked and respected by peers and adults. There is nothing more pleasant than being around people that make you feel comfortable.

A child who has acquired the good habit of using manners is in a class of people who are self assured, understand boundaries and who will intuitively use their language to keep the quality of conversation at a high level.

‘ Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.’ Clarence Thomas

Be a proactive parent

When you adopt a more proactive style as a parent your child will feel a lot more relaxed when interacting with you. They will also feel optimistic in talking more openly to you and will feel more hopeful that you will be a great listener.

Here are 5 reasons why taking a proactive stand as a parent will benefit your child.

Consider:

1.  Building a Strong Connection

   Being proactive strengthens your bond with your child.

   For example, instead of waiting for them to share their day, ask specific questions like "What was the best part of your day?" It shows you're interested and helps build trust. Have an optimistic approach and talk about positive aspects of your day.

2.  Creating a Positive Environment

   Proactive parenting helps create a happy and positive home. The household is generally more relaxed and invites all kinds of conversations..Everyone feels safe.

   For example, instead of reacting to a messy room, set up a routine to tidy up together. It turns a potential conflict into a positive habit.

3. Teaching Responsibility

   Being proactive teaches your child to be responsible.

   For example, rather than reminding them about homework every day, create a study schedule together. It helps them take charge of their responsibilities. Think ahead wherever possible.

4. Nurturing Independence

   Proactive parenting helps your child become more independent. They feel more confident in doing things on their own and trusting in your confidence in them.

   For example, instead of always doing things for them, let them take on age-appropriate tasks. It builds their confidence and independence. Making mistakes seems a normal part  of their efforts.

5. Preventing Issues Before They Arise

   Being proactive helps avoid problems before they happen. Less problems makes for a happier home.

   For example, instead of waiting for bedtime battles, establish a calming routine. It helps prevent bedtime struggles and ensures a smoother transition to sleep.

   Being a proactive parent is like steering the ship before it hits rough waters. It involves staying ahead of potential challenges, fostering positive habits, and creating an environment where your child can thrive. The more you avoid problems, the less conflict is in the home, and the more peaceful environment is present allowing more creativity and joy.

‘Remember the old saying: Prevention is better than cure.’
-Gail J Smith

Six important parenting practices with an upbeat approach

Parenting sometimes needs an upbeat approach to getting children involved. This way it takes some of the burden away and lightens the whole idea that parenting is all about control and discipline.

1. Give Lots of High-Fives for Good Stuff

   When your child does something good, give them a high-five or a thumbs up! Make it a positive moment for both of you.
   For example: "Awesome job on your drawing! High-five for all your hard work!"

2. Make Clear Rules Like a Superhero Guide

   Be a superhero with clear rules. Imagine you're creating a superhero guide for your family.
   For example: "Our superhero guide says we have a bedtime routine to help us sleep like superheroes. What do you think?" Keep it light and amusing.

3. Talk and Listen Like Best Friends Do

   Talk and listen like you're each other's best friends.
   For example: "Tell me about your day! I'm here to listen, just like best friends do."

4. Show How It's Done, Super Parent Style

   Show your child how to be super by being a super parent!
   For example: "I'll show you how to clean up, and we'll be superheroes together! Ready?"

5. Let Them Be the Captain, with You as Co-Captain

   Your child is the captain, and you're the co-captain. Help them steer!
   For example: "You're in charge of choosing today's snack. Captain's choice!"

6. Create Fun Times, Like a Weekly Family Fiesta

   Have a weekly family fiesta with games, stories, or just hanging out.
   For example: "It's our special family time! What fun thing should we do this week for our family fiesta?"

   These ideas are all about creating a happy environment where the whole business of parenting is treated in a warm and engaging way with your child. Good parenting is about preventing problem behaviour and engaging with your child in a warm and authentic way. The more you listen effectively and give time, energy and love to your child, the more you will create the best climate to rear your child.

 ‘All children love a little theatre. Build it into your parenting’.

-Gail J Smith

Teach your child to overcome safe comfort zones

Encouraging children to step out of their comfort zones and take risks is essential for their personal growth and development. It is easy to live with what we know is comfortable and secure. Staying in our comfort zone is a cosy and warm place to be. After all we are wired to stay in it.

Here are six simple and enjoyable ways to inspire them to step outside those comfort zones:

1. Discover New Interests:

   Example: "Let's try a new hobby or activity together, like painting or playing a musical instrument. It's exciting to learn something new!" Keep them interested in the idea that new interests are attractive and should be tried. Show them how you adopt new interests.

2. Embrace Mistakes as Learning Opportunities:

   Example: "Remember, it's okay to make mistakes. When you do, you're actually getting smarter! Let's try solving this puzzle even if we get some answers wrong." Laugh about mistakes. Treat them with respect as they are a way forward in learning new things. Making a mistake leads to rethinking new ideas and strategies

3. Set Achievable Challenges:

   Example: "Pick a goal that seems a little challenging but not too hard, like reading a new book or learning to ride a bike without training wheels. You'll feel so proud when you achieve it!" Let them see that there’s a great feeling of achievement when you achieve a goal. This encourages them to keep seeking out new goals.

4. Explore New Places:

   Example: "How about we visit a new park or go on an adventure hike? Exploring new places can be so much fun, and we can learn new things along the way." Be adventurous. Talk about new places and possible adventures. Invite them to plan your next outdoor adventure.

5. Encourage Trying New Foods:

   Example: "Let's have a 'Try Something New' day where we taste foods we've never had before. Who knows, you might discover a new favourite!" Every now and then, introduce a new food into their diet. Talk about it and invite their comments on what they notice is different.

6. Celebrate Effort and Courage:

   Example: "I'm so impressed by your bravery in trying new things. Let's celebrate your courage with a little family party or a special treat!" When you see them stretch their wings, affirm their efforts. Let them see how you value change and effort leading to new learning.

By incorporating these simple and enjoyable approaches, parents can instil a sense of curiosity, resilience, and a willingness to take healthy risks in their children's lives. Teach them that you are not afraid of difference and that exploration into the unknown is quite exhilarating and offers new challenges. Teach them to reduce the fear of trying something new.

            ‘The ship is always safe at the shore but that is not what it is built for’

                                                                                      -Albert Einstein

Children: Dealing with traumatic war news stories

It is easy to understand how our children can become anxious when they see and hear about the atrocities that are going on in Gaza at the moment. They can easily feel distress and confusion and have a sense of hopelessness when they see some of the graphic scenes of people and children suffering. We know that the media will be drawn to those emotionally charged scenes that are upsetting to all of us. As adults, we process these scenes in our own way, but for a child, such scenes can be quite disturbing and frightening. The memory can last for a long time. It takes the child away from what they understand is safe and guaranteed in their life experiences.

Here are some suggestions on how to control your child’s exposure to such trauma. If your child talks about the war, it is important to have a conversation explaining the situation in a caring way. You would make this conversation age-appropriate and talk about it in a comfortable undistracted environment. Also, reassure them that their world is safe and check in from time to time to ensure that they understood what you had to tell them. After all, they will hear from others, especially their peers, about the situation.

Limit Exposure to News and Images

Control the amount of media exposure your children have. Constantly watching distressing news can heighten anxiety. Consider limiting their exposure to a specific time window or providing age-appropriate summaries yourself to avoid overwhelming content.

Monitor and Filter Content

Stay informed about the news your children consume. Be selective about which sources or channels they access. Opt for child-friendly or filtered news outlets that present information in a less alarming way. Have a strong presence when they are watching television. Perhaps locate the television in a prominent section of the home.

Provide Reassurance and Open Discussion

Encourage open discussions. Explain events in an age-appropriate manner, providing reassurance and emphasizing that they are safe. Answer their questions honestly but with a focus on hope and resilience. They will look to you for a guarantee of their safety when they see or hear disturbing news.

Offer Alternative Activities

Engage in activities that redirect their focus away from distressing news. Encourage hobbies, play, or family activities to create a positive atmosphere and reduce stress levels.

Model Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Children learn from observing their parents. Model healthy coping mechanisms such as taking breaks from news, practising relaxation techniques, or engaging in physical activities. Show how you manage your stress to provide them with coping strategies.

Create Safe Spaces

Designate safe spaces or routines that offer comfort and security. This could be a cosy reading corner, family game nights, or any activity that helps your child feel safe and grounded despite external events. The home for them should be their sanctuary. They will certainly be distressed when they see children from Gaza without that sense of safety.

What is your child’s school doing about it

Schools have policies on how they deal with such matters as global issues and trauma. Check-in with your child’s teacher to see how they talk about the war in the classroom and get some tips to support your discussions at home. You both need to be on the same page here.

Newspapers at home

If they are often lying loosely around the house take care to have them away from your child’s sight if they have graphic images and words about the war.

Finally, these thoughts are all about ensuring that your child has a balanced understanding of the situation for their age. With their growing knowledge of the broader world will come some more emotional maturity. You can ease them into talking about what has happened and discussing the broader philosophical viewpoint on war. It’s all in your responsible hands.

‘Your child will listen very carefully to what you say. So be aware of what you say and how you say it.’ -Gail J Smith