Strengthening a child’s interest and endurance with reading

This can be a tricky area if you have a child who is reticent to read.  In my experience, I have seen this behaviour more in boys than girls and therefore a parent must connect to a child’s interest in reading to help them become more of a motivated reader.  It can be a fine line between pushing the child to read and gently setting the scene to help them.

 Consider;

• Generally, children will not read without some purpose in mind. As a parent talk about what they are reading and why they may be enjoying it. Never question or make a judgement on whether it is a magazine, novel, cartoon series etc. you are just talking about what makes them want to read it.

• The family can play a big part in encouraging reading. Some families read a novel after dinner together. Some ask older siblings to read to younger ones. Some children look forward to bed reading with a parent. There are many shades of a family reading together and as long as reading is seen as an important icon and is a regular part of the week, the message is clear. Reading is here to stay.

• With younger children reading aloud is valuable and children enjoy the family experience of reading and sharing the story together. Repeating the same books over and over again is very acceptable as it shows how enriching the story is and the heightened level of enjoyment. Sometimes young prereaders enjoy reciting the words of the story which is a great precursor to reading.

• Talk to your child about where in the house is the best and most comfortable place to read. Keep the area away from distractions such as television and if the child likes to read in their bedroom until they are active highly engaged readers they can find many distractions in such a space. The environment must be conducive for reading with comfort.

• Some families use dinner time to talk about the book they are readings. Talking about books keeps the interest alive in the home.

• Don’t be perturbed by what the child chooses to read. They need to explore different reading material before they really discover what interests them.

• Boys need encouragement and will often choose books that are cartoon based, or more inclined to be fact-driven. All of this is acceptable. The important point is to keep your boy engaged in the act of reading. Take care not to force books on them as this can cause a block to reading. Consider audio books as an option.

• Don’t forget the importance of you, being a critical model. The more you demonstrate a love for reading you are giving your child a clear message that reading enriches your life and it is a force of great joy.

• Ensure easy access to books. Perhaps regular trips to the library or simply leaving easy reads around the house. Consider downloading free e books for your child.

• The child should feel happy and willing to choose the book. They will have more success with reading if they own what they read. The reluctant reader still has interests and maybe passions in different areas. This is where you can talk about their interests and bring home books that talk about their passions. Often this can stimulate a child to look into a book that might satisfy their thirst for knowledge. A reluctant reader can be tempted by books that give them important information that accommodates their interests.

• It was common practice in classrooms to have a dedicated thirty minutes to silent reading often after lunch. Children looked forward to this time which was mandated across the year and understood as an important part of a child’s learning across the week. Is something like this possible in your home?

• People will read for different purposes and this is always acceptable and the more likely reason for reading. Children will over time, gravitate to what they really enjoy in reading. Some love reading for pleasure, others read for information gathering and instructions. We all gain different outcomes from our reading experiences but while we are learning the art of reading we need to feel embraced by various options to read and to feel that we are enjoying the process.          

Everyone is entitled to be literate and to have access to information to help them through life. Reading, acquired early in life and in a climate of trust builds our confidence and provides necessary skills invaluable for life.

           ‘To learn to red is to light a fire; every syllable that is spelled out is a spark.’

                                                                              -Victor Hugo

Developing the two halves of our brain.

 Both sides need good interconnection to think well.

 If your child is actively engaged in sports that is a wonderful beginning to balancing both sides of the brain. We are born with this amazing computer but as a muscle we need to give it considerable exercise. Neuroscientists have found that the two sides of the brain are engaged at the same time. Left brain people focus on logical and clear thinking. They are drawn to order and structure being analytical and focusing on accuracy. If your child is right brain focused, it is more about creativity, emotions and aesthetics, intuition and thoughtfulness. They are your sensitive children.

Think about your child for a moment. Can you see some aptitude in other direction? The trick is to balance both sides giving the individual a chance to develop greater potential in their thinking and processing.

It is natural to drift back to what you are most comfortable with and this can easily happen when a child does a project, writes stories, plays games etc. A child who loves order and takes pride in having everything clearly laid out, can sometimes become anxious when taking risks. Often they don’t like failure and become anxious when they are not prepared.

 On the other hand, children who are very creative can be far too sensitive and not cope with criticism and become quite unsettled when people challenge them. In reality, we can probably see both elements in our child from time to time, but nonetheless, it is worthwhile encouraging your child to work on balance.

Consider:

• Try to practice reading at different speeds and putting emphasis on different words to create different feelings about the story.

• Play ball games where children use both hands for catching or change the rules to encourage different ways to think through the game.

• When a child creatively writes a story invite them to itemise the main concepts.

• Involve your child in learning a craft that requires change and pattern building. Activities such as knitting, sewing,  sculpture etc. are wonderful for learning order and design. Simply reading a pattern requires thinking on a deeper level.

• I know how creative Lego is but it could be used to think through different ways to be creative and not just building structures. Challenging the thinking in this area really gets the brain working.

• Cooking and improving recipes is another great way of challenging the thinking process.

• It can be as simple as having a conversation about how the practice went and then ask your child to suggest strategies that would improve the game.

• Leave lists of tasks to be done on the fridge. They are to be marked off when done. Sometimes vary the lists and invite your child to draw up their own or rewrite amended lists.

• When visiting good games shops you will find quite a variety of games that challenge the child to be creative and at the same time think logically. Spend some time perusing these games as they can be great family fun and really stretch the thinking in different ways.

• Highly sensitive children can be more emotional. You may need to spend more time with them conditioning them to think about positive thoughts when they become overwhelmed by issues. They will need to learn strategies to help them overcome sensitive feelings.

• Teachers know to change the look of the classroom around to stimulate different thinking and to challenge the children with questioning and memory.

These exercises are illustrations of developing a balance and recognising that at times you need to refocus your child when the emphasis lies too heavily on one side of the brain. The more children exercise their thinking in various ways the greater capacity they have to learn and accept challenges that come their way.

‘When you want new results, it requires new thinking.’                                                                                                                                                                      -Richard Brandler

11 ways to help your child become settled and have the best opportunities at school

1. Always trust the school. If you have doubts those doubts will translate into concerns for your child very quickly. If you have concerns talk to the school but take care about how your child interprets your concerns.

2. Be diligent in checking notes sent home which are mostly electronic noways but it is most important to attend parent nights. Of course, parent-teacher interviews are a must.

3. Be available to help the school in various ways. This can be a simple as manning a stand at Fair time through to being on the school board. You learn so much more by connecting to the school this way.

4. Support homework expectations. This does not mean doing the homework but providing a climate at home that enables the child to do their homework. If they have significant difficulty contact the teacher as homework is the responsibility of the teacher who set it.

5. When your child leaves for school in the morning ensure they are ready mentally and physically. Have they had enough sleep, eaten a good breakfast and left without emotionally unresolved matters to deal with at home? Are they walking to school, riding etc? A child ready for school makes a great deal of difference in their day’s effectiveness.

6. At home demonstrate how organisation is important. Keep the balance right. A child that lives around structure and routine will have a better balanced week and feel more in charge of what they are doing. This also includes checking on after-school activities that need to be balanced with sleep, homework, play etc.

7. By reading the school’s website you become more familiar with all the rules and regulations. This is helpful especially when an incident occurs and you need to understand how the school plans to handle the matter. Staff are regularly in serviced on their policies and procedures and when dealing with children will refer to them regularly.

8. Keep the conversation of school alive throughout the week. Children need to see that you value their school experiences and it flows into the family psyche. Positive family talk around the richness of school life and its influences on a child’s life, should be the order of the day.

9. Keep the home environment alive with learning material around the house. Demonstrate that books are available and in sight. Leave school notes on fridge and use dinner time as a chance to talk about the day at school.

10. Demonstrate to your child that you are proud of their school and impressed with how it helps your child learn. Talk out loud to others in front of your child about the school and the teachers. All positive of course. This builds reassurance for the child that they are in the right place and much valued by you, the parent.

11. Finally, be in touch regularly with your child’s teacher. In this way communication channels are always wide open and having a relationship with the teachers gives you more opportunities to be in touch with everyday matters.

 ‘The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you.’                                                                                                                                                                                        B.B.King

Children who find school a struggle

Many children have times when they feel they are struggling not just with school but also with friends, home issues, siblings, etc. Children can and do have down times. It’s natural. Also there are some children who really find the process of school difficult academically and socially. There are many shades in between but it is reasonable to say that most children will have some struggles along the way. A proportion of this is acceptable, but when it gets out of hand it is necessary to intervene but effectively.

 Consider:

• If your child has outbursts of frustration then these must just happen. Sometimes frustration comes out through poor behaviour, moodiness, etc., but these feelings need to be expelled. It is their way of letting you know how poor they feel and they want you to have that same feeling. Best to let it happen and gently talk to them:

           ‘Seems like you have something on your mind. You are so upset.’

Here you are giving them a chance to simply talk about the matter. You are not asking the question, why?

• Creating space when tension builds is a great vehicle for a child letting off steam and it gives you the parent a chance to process what has just happened with the outburst. Many a time in the classroom, when tension was building up, we all went out for a quick run on the oval. It was an amazing way to break from the stress and it set the scene for a new direction. Fresh air and a quick walk can make all the difference for all parties concerned.

• After a child becomes reactive you cannot go straight into conversations,  trying to make sense of what has happened. They are simply not listening at that point and probably will not hear the logic of what you are saying. In our best interest we want to understand the behaviour but think about yourself after you have been quite upset, do you hear what people are saying to you? The same happens after shocks. That immediate follow up time is a time when listening is non existent.

• There is a tendency to naturally help our children excessively especially when we see them struggling. Whilst your assistance is needed and valued it, should be tempered with the child learning about failure and accepting that we learn through failure. However, a child must have feelings of success along the way. So I appreciate the care and balance you make as a caring parent when helping your child.

• Keep the school close to you. They are the key figures in formal learning for the child. They set homework and should take responsibility if it is too much for the child. Homework is very secondary as a learning tool and should not come between you and the child. Remember you are not the arbitrator of what the child learns. You are the loving parent giving reassurance.

• Helping your child put organisation into their life is a great way of supporting their learning. Many children can get overwhelmed by the school’s expectations and if you gently assist in helping them plan out the week this can reduce pressure.

• If you have a child inclined to build anxiety quickly then consider slowing down the expectations for the week. Tailor those expectations to suit how the child is coping and be flexible when it comes to domestic expectations etc. A change in pace can make all the difference for an anxious child who lacks confidence.

• Plenty of sleep and exercise is a critical dimension to a child’s life. Sometimes when a child is struggling at school they may have success through sport and they feel so much better.

• Try not to keep asking how are they going at school? They will tell you in due time. Asking too often can only encourage them to shut down and not talk about school at all. After all who wants to talk about feeling a failure? Turn your questions about school into a positive framework:

             ‘You seemed happy coming out of the classroom, I wonder what that was about?’

Classroom teachers are very conscious of providing daily balance for the children throughout the whole week. This balance is all about ensuring they have successes and they learn from mistakes. They should have moments of feeling good about their achievements and moments of being socially well accepted. It’s all about the right checks and balances and so too is our parenting, especially with those children more vulnerable.

‘There are two gifts we should give our children, is roots and the other is wings.’  

Perfectionism...to be discouraged in our children

This can be a problem for some children who really struggle to accept anything less than perfect. How frustrating this can be for them as they never seem to be at peace unless they are correct 100% of the time. For themselves, they set very high standards. They also see that other people value them for how much they have achieved rather than for who they are. These are unsafe values upon which to be basing your sense of self. A child who is a perfectionist does not feel free to make any mistakes and we know that mistakes are an important form of learning for your child. If the child feels too anxious to make mistakes their confidence drops and all sorts of behavioural complications can enter the scenario. There is no joy in working from perfectionism and it can be seen as early as young children not writing a sentence for fear they make mistakes.

Teachers are very astute when they find students reticent to have a go or reluctant to put themselves forward. They realise the more they allow the child to step back and make no attempt, the more poor conditioning steps in and the harder it is to get them back in the groove of doing activities.

 At home there are ways to help the child begin to overcome this problem.

 Consider:

• Firstly and most importantly consider if you are a perfectionist. You can have a major influence on your child if they see you operating as a perfectionist.

• Show your child how you work through problems. Let them see that making a mistake is a way of learning.

• When they show you their work, affirm its worth. Remember it is the effort you are affirming and not the quality of the work as a final product. This habit should start with very young children to be successful.

• For these children, competition is important but within reason. Very young children are often keen to show you what they have done be it a drawing, sand sculpture etc. This is a tender age for building the understanding that you are impressed with all their attempts.

• Keep installing the value of ‘have a go’ and telling your child that through trial and effort learning occurs happily.

• With older children, it is worth talking about some great successes such as Einstein who based his life on learning from taking risks and mistakes.

• Use practical examples in your own life when things went wrong and still you learnt.

• Wherever possible take away the pressure to succeed. That may mean talking to your child’s teacher about potential problems that could stem in the classroom. It could mean putting your child in situations where there is not an obsessive focus on success. Healthy competition is important but some environments may be not suitable for your child who becomes fixated on being perfect.

• When a challenge comes your child’s way, we do not talk about meeting that challenge for fear of failing. We meet it to simply have a go and improve in some capacity.

                   ‘Have go at swimming backstroke. You will learn so much from just making an attempt.’

                   ‘Well done you made a great effort and for the first time swam a little on your back.’

Here it is about picking up on the effort and noticing a difference. There is no focus on being perfect.

• Children who have a tendency to be perfect often prefer to stay in their comfort zones. This give them assurance and they don’t need to try as they may fail. Give your child various opportunities to try different things. Take them out of their comfort zones and challenge them to do different things. This could be through sports,family holidays etc.

• Sometimes children feel under pressure when the issue of success comes up. For example, school tests,sports event, social event etc. Preparing the child before the event is helpful by reminding them of the time they had a go and it worked out. Also reinforcing how you award the effort not so much the outcome.

• Try to avoid being an overprotective parent. Such a model limits the child’s opportunities to take risks and discover their own potential.

Finally, as a parent whose child has perfectionist tendencies try to be more relaxed and let your child see how the value in life is about not fearing the unknown and learning to embrace some risk and challenge. Let them gradually feel the joy of simply exposing themselves to change and feeling success from the experience.

                               ‘Focus on progress not perfection’

                                                                     -Bill Philips

A helpful child is a useful thing. I guess?

There has been some recent research released from Latrobe University stating that children that do jobs at home develop into more rounded individuals capable of taking on responsibility and managing themselves well. That sounds wonderful and why not engage your child with home duties? There is quite a lot to learn for a child taking responsibilities in the home not the least of which is that they occupy the home space and should take some ownership.

This article is to invite us to find the balance of a child having home duties and to take into consideration all the other responsibilities and pressures that are on a child. When working with children myself a significant factor in supporting them was to help them overcome their sense of being overwhelmed by all the social pressures and other demands in life.

The home should be a place of rest, safety and feeling secure in a child’s own skin. Of course duties around the house are important but should not overwhelm the child nor should they become a battleground with parents. I stress this as I have seen many unsettled children grow unhappy due to demands at home.

 Consider:

• Plan jobs together as a family and check in regularly as to how they are going. Gives lots of affirmation when a job is done well.

• A regular family meeting should not become a tense bun fight because jobs are not done well. At these meetings negotiate with your child around suitable tasks that are fair and reasonable. Understand that a child’s expectations may be different.

• If your child has a busy week at school or extra demands on them in some other way, consider modifying your expectations around the house. We all need respite from tasks from time to time.

• A child is more willing to do tasks if they see the value in them. Tidying their room is often not a value they care about and can often become a sore spot with parents. Talk to your child about what they see is important around the house and relegate those tasks to them.

• Try to not discuss tasks that are not done in front of other people. Try to create an environment at home that is inviting and happy for the child. Discuss with them your concerns in private with an attitude to listen well to your child.

• As the child grows older the tasks will change and always keep in mind that a child is less interested in spending time with the dishes then being outside with their friends. Therefore, encouraging them to support you must be handled carefully.

‘Let’s do the dishes quickly so that you have more time to play   with your friend.’
Here you recognise what is important to them and you use encouraging ways to help them. Showing this support goes a long way with the child who sees that you still expect the job done but understands what is the real driver for your child. You have no expectation that they should love doing the dishes.

• As the child grows into a teenager there are of course more expectations to be placed on them but remember that for a teenager to enjoy home it should be filled with happiness and understanding as it is too easy to escape the scene. Jobs should be allocated fairly and in consideration of the teenager’s changing expectations. Who knows any teenager that likes home jobs!!

Finally, a supportive word for the child. We all only have one chance to have a great childhood and this should be filled later with memories of happy experiences and a home that is not punitive but just and loving. It should be an environment where the child takes adequate responsibility in a space that invites negotiation, is open to change and willingly listens to concerns.

Long may home duties exist for a child but finely balanced so as to not stifle the joy of childhood.

‘A home should be a stockade, a refuge from the flaming arrows of anxiety, tension and worry.’

                                                                                     -Wilfred Peterson

The words we choose to use.

When you think about your impact on the world and most specially your children, consider that what you say delivers important messages and sends out clear vibes to all within earshot.

          According to a very early philosopher, Horace 65-8BC

                   “words once spoken can never be revoked”

Sounds harsh and yes, we all make mistakes in how and what we say from time to time, but the impact can be great and the words lasting, if hurtful. Children are particularly sensitised to the words we use when we talk to them. Careless speech can have a longer-term memory with children. Name calling is taken to heart and can come under the banner of emotional bullying.

Teachers know all so well that the words they use around children will have an impact on teaching them. They realise very early in their career that their use of language can make or break a child’s interest in learning.

Here are some thoughts on how to manage ourselves in using effective speak around our children.

• It is often said to have your mind well ahead of your mouth. By reflecting on what we are about to say, we can choose our words carefully, which do no harm, but deliver a good message. Some say stop and think before speaking. A small moment of thought can also slow down any quick temper we may have, which can influence how and what we say.

• Watch the tiredness. When we are feeling tired, we are less likely to speak well, but rather more focussed on just getting the message across. Consider if you are tired is it necessary to have an in-depth conversation with your child? Sometimes it is best to wait. Silence can be very effective at times. It allows some mental breathing space.

• Using words well can do an amazing amount of good with our children. They often hang on our words and listen carefully for the intent. The more we speak affectionately using a positive tone of voice, they feel reassured and valued. Never fall into the trap of thinking a louder, sterner voice has more impact. It in fact shuts people down from listening. Minds close in an effort to protect themselves from bombarding sounds.

• Our children live in a world where less speak and more action on social media which is isolating is seen as better. Therefore, sound, healthy discussions using positive language and reassuring words is important to counterman the shrinking oral language used around our children.

• To build a strong relationship which your child you will need to be using language to get messages across, reassure them and nurture them. There is nothing more delightful than hearing words used by a parent that are positive, reassuring, loving and wholesome.

• This is about using words wisely and understanding the power of them to build relationships. Careless, thoughtless words are hurtful and damaging. They serve no positive purpose in strengthening relationships.

• Of course, we can say sorry for careless words used and ask for forgiveness. The challenge is to train ourselves to avoid such language and if necessary, say nothing. Less careless words used presents a very reassuring image as a parent.

An old saying is: if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all. What a fine message this is to finish the blog!

          ‘Choose your words wisely. They reveal your inner character.

                                                          -Jim George

Keep on with the rules at home

When you make rules yourself to live by, you do become a much stronger, self-disciplined person. These rules generally reflect your values and the things in life that are important to you. When you have a clear and strong belief about how those rules are to be lived, people notice how important they are and respect your position. So too your children. If they see that you have strong beliefs and operate around rules that work for you, they are more inclined to accept some of the chores you set them. The more careless we are with rules, the greater propensity for our children to not take them seriously. Having said that, everything within reason. If you are too intense and rigid with those rules, your children will react to your intensity and move away mentally from the value you place in them.

 Consider:

• Your rules need to be balanced and not extreme if you are involving your children in them and expecting them to live by them. Always keep in mind that you are setting up those rules and how they affect everyone.

• Consider that children are not self-disciplined adults and when you set rules for them, make them reasonable and within their grasp mentally and physically.

• Be fair if you have family rules for all the children. Are they equitable and does the younger child need to be so involved as the older child?

• Be clear about your rules. Make sure that you explain why they are important and the difference they make to everyone.

‘Everyone needs to take shoes off at the door. This means the floors don’t get scratched and are easier to clean.’

Here you are giving clear and logical reasons why the rule has value for everyone in the family. In this way you should get more compliance and less resistance when introducing rules.

• Rules can and should adjust to suit the shifting nature of families. Regular family meetings about house rules are a good idea to keep everyone on the same page and to reiterate why they still have value.

• Affirm your child when they do acknowledge the rules. Never take for granted that they see the same value in the rules. After all they are children.

• When important rules are broken take care to discuss them carefully and listen to what your child has to say. It may mean that a slight adjustment to the rules may be in order. This means that you are listening to your child and understand their maturing needs. Without having this degree of flexibility as your child grows there will be less likelihood of full-blown resistance.

• Remember you are teaching your child that rules strengthen your values and make you live more safely, comfortably and happier. People see you as a more disciplined person when you live by rules. Children need to see a rule as something that works and can have changes when needed. In this way they will see that rules can work for them.

• Be open-minded. Understand that your child may never fully see the value in your rule. As they grow into an adult and start putting their own plans in place, they will reflect on the rules they lived by as a growing child and will want to discard some, adopt some and modify others. This is natural and to be expected. The last thing you want is your child having memories of being forced to fit into a set of rules that they didn’t understand or value. The happier they see you in your embodiment of rules, the clearer vison they will have of how rules can have value in their life strengthening them emotionally and mentally.

‘Children do learn what they live. Then they grow up to live what they learned’

                                                                                         -Dorothy Notte

Feeling overwhelmed? It can happen to our children.

As the child grows from infancy to early childhood to adolescence, they are developing their ability to process information. This is a slow and steady progress and one which enables a child to understand and interpret the world they live in. To some degree, we simply take it for granted that our child understands and interprets the world and its surroundings the way we do. Not so!

This is where we can sometimes fall short of understanding where our child is at. They are processing at a different pace to us and will interpret situations based on what they see and understand. It is well understood that if a child is on the spectrum, they can easily be overcome by too much stimulus and the best way forward is to slow down what you put in front of your child. This actually applies to all our children. Do we expect too much of them when they are still absorbing and processing all sorts of information? It can easily be an overload.

Teachers are very skilled in planning their teaching to accommodate what the child is capable of interpreting and they set their expectations understanding that each child is on a learning continuum that continually shifts. An overstimulated and noisy room can be a deterrent to some children’s learning. Overtalking and presenting too many things at once can confuse and make a child feel vulnerable.

Think about your child and their ability to process what you say and how you ask them to do. The more we understand and reflect on their ability to process information, the better we communicate with them. We then begin to set realistic goals and enjoy the fruits of their labour.

Consider the following:

• The younger the child, the slower the processing and therefore it is important to only introduce new concepts one at a time. A child will listen and respond well if they are understanding the simple uncomplicated instructions.

                   For example,

‘Can you please pick up your toys’

‘Can you please pick up your toys, put the box in the corner and then help me set the table?’

Too complicated makes it too hard to follow the directions and so the child is lost in the maze of instructions.

• Get acquainted with how your child processes and choose the best times to give instructions.

• When reading stories together, talk about the sequence of events in the story. This helps develop their sense of processing information.

• Of course, the older the child, the more we expect them to process bigger slabs of information. This will vary from child to child and it can be a source of anxiety if the child is not keeping up with class expectations. If so, talk to the teacher about this matter.

• When a child feels overwhelmed by too much information, they simply shut down as a defence. When this happens, slowly unravel the details to make it more understandable to the child. Can you make things simpler so that the child comprehends the situation?

• Some children simply process at a slower pace than other children. There is nothing wrong with this as they often are children who want be accurate and get things right.

• When a child feels overwhelmed by too many instructions etc they can lose their confidence and feel a failure. We need to reassure our child that the pace of processing is irrelevant. We need to listen and take in some information slowly. Working at an almighty pace is not the goal to success. We live in an overstimulated world driven by speedy technology which seems to suggest faster is better.

• Understand that from time to time your child will feel overwhelmed. Help them by breaking down what is troubling them so that they can find a simple way of working through the issue.

Finally teaching your child to take things a little slower and smell the roses is not an easy lesson in today’s world. However, if you demonstrate how being more relaxed and less overwhelmed gives you a sense of personal satisfaction, it helps immensely.

‘When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, its our job to share our calm, not to join them.’

                                                                            -L.R.Knost.

Personality: We need to nurture its development

When, as adults we look back on our childhood (or even our own children who are now adults), do we recognise the child in them or within ourselves? Do we reflect on those developing personalities over the years? Do you see many changes in the personalities in your own children over the years?

There are many varied beliefs and studies about personalities and still the research goes on about what constitutes personality and how they influence our behaviour and performance as a person. What we do know for certain is that as parents we have a responsibility to nurture our child’s personality and allow them to express themselves and learn about who they really are. Developing a strong sense of self awareness is what it is all about. If we attempt to stifle them and change certain traits in their personality, we will undoubtedly do them a misjustice. Of course, from time to time we seek to change certain behaviours that are unacceptable. This is different from influencing their personality. Take care to know the difference as we can be easily unsettled by unattractive behaviour.

Teachers are very aware that enhancing and affirming a child’s personality in the classroom will give them a creative opportunity to learn about themselves. A child may learn that some of their personality traits work well with people and some aspects may not. It is all about trial and error in discovering and liking themselves. It is also about developing self-awareness and accepting who they are.

 Consider:

• When you see those quirky and delightful aspects of your child’s personality coming out, affirm them, highlight those moments and show them that they are being quite the little individual.

• Talk to your child’s teacher about how your child expresses themselves in the classroom. Often how a child acts in a classroom is quite different than home.

• Give your child opportunities to express themselves and talk and act in ways that make them feel complete. Sometimes adult conversations can dominate and control the room space making it difficult for children to have their voice. Give them space to be themselves.

• The friends your child chooses often reflect their personalities. Accept and be inclusive with all their friends as over time your child will be discerning with friendships. They do not need our instructions on who to associate with. They will learn over time the ins and outs of relationships and who best fits into their circle of friends.

• Be an opportunist when you see your child expressing quirky aspects of their personality embrace the moment and applaud their style. Don’t be intimidated by differences that you notice in your child.

• As a family watching movies together is a great occasion to talk about the characters and personality traits that you admired in the characters. This is a way of reinforcing what you value without imposing your beliefs.

• We often hear parents boasting that their child is so similar to them in how they operate. Perhaps this is true as the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. However, every child has a different twist in the way they see and interpret the world. Each generation is presented with challenges and opportunities that stimulate their thinking in different ways. No one person is a replica of another. Look for and celebrate the differences you see in your children. Allow them to be themselves with their own personality traits driving their directions in life. Some aspects of that personality will be challenging for them and other aspects will give them great joy and satisfaction. Only through learning and exposure to life will they understand their personality as an important tool in how happily they live their life.

          ‘The most important thing you wear is your personality.’

- America Ferrera

How to deal with trauma such as the recent school shooting in the USA.

No easy answer here. We are confronted by what recently happened in Texas with the mass killing of young children in a school. It is almost impossible to get our heads around this atrocity and as parents, we shudder with the reminder that a parent’s grief for their lost child would be immeasurable.

Who can make sense of such an act and how do we explain this to our children?

There is no escaping that it did happen and that it was publicly displayed in many forms of media. Therefore, at some point your child will most likely have learnt about it from others. Given that second hand information can be quite dangerous, it makes sense to have your own discussions with your child about the incident. In this way you have a better grasp of what your child knows, understands and how they have interpreted the situation.

 Consider:

• Talk to your child in a quiet and safe place about the incident. Truth is the best but of course you tailor what you say to suit the age of your child.

• Children need hope and look for it. Talk about the care that the children in the school will receive and how everyone will be looking after their wellbeing. Remind them that in the midst of that horror there were many people trying to do the right thing.

• Understanding such violence and the death of children is hard for a child and so simply mention that sometimes people’s behaviour can be out of control and this can lead to devastating consequences. That is the truth and that is sadly what we need to explain carefully to our children. The world is not a perfect place but a child looks for the good and the hope so build that into your conversations at all times.

• Reassure your child of all the safety that is surrounding your child and the care that is taken to make them safe both at school and home. In fact, list all the safety and care aspects built into their life. Younger children may enjoy drawing them as a way of talking about feeling safe.

• If your child is still feeling unsafe, mention this to your teacher who will follow through in the school setting. Every school will have strategies in how to talk to the children should it be necessary.

• Sadly, the conversations of guns may come up, particularly with older children. Here there is much reassurance to be given about our gun laws and how Australia strategically deals with these issues.

• After initial discussion with your child, take care that they are not watching too much news about the incident, as this prolongs feelings of anxiety and builds up further unsettling thoughts.

• Check in with your child to see if they are still reflecting on the incident and if they are moving on with their thoughts about it.

• Try to avoid adult conversations around them that talk about the incident. Little ears will be picking up on your feelings of distress about the incident.

The trauma that occurred will live in the hearts of Americans for a long time. Teaching our children about the strong safety net we have in Australia, gives them reassurance and settles down some anxiety about it happening to them. Overtime, as they feel happier and focus less on the trauma, feelings about the incident will fade away. Your role is to nurture well, giving them feelings of security and above all happiness. This conquers lingering feelings of doubt and insecurity through childhood.

‘We believe that the ultimate treasures on earth and in heaven are our children.’

                                                -Elder Dalli H Oaks

Enjoy the present - it’s here for you now to enjoy

Did you realize that it is actually a skill to learn how to enjoy the present? Sometimes our focus is often on the past or busy planning for what next in the future. Far too often we use the present to simply prepare for the future without acknowledging the very real presence of the now. Think of how photos slow us down. We stop for a minute and reflect on that powerful image. It was a moment in time that we hold dear.

Teachers have learned the art of capturing the moment with children. Often when something special happens, a teacher will stop the class and together all children will reflect on what it is that drew their attention. This is a way of capturing memorable moments. I remember one teacher who kept a diary of those moments and at the end of the school year the children turned it into a book retelling the special moments that built up the charisma of the class.

Children that love school look forward often to the surprise highlights of the day which make for happy moments and collective joy. Teachers know that such a classroom environment where elements of the day are surprisingly highlighted, will excite children who are alive with interest.

If we notice that what we have now is giving us happiness we are more inclined to weather the unsavoury small stuff that can easily interfere with the day, lowering our mood and temperament. Did you wake up this morning and hear birds singing? Was the sun shining? Did your child give you a hug? Did you enjoy breakfast? These incidences are the small but influential stuff that can give us joy along the way.

I believe that if we highlight around our children the joy of noticing and feeling positive about the moment, it will have a positive effect on how our children monitor and identify their day. This is all about developing a healthy habit of living positively in the present.

Consider how such a disposition can be helpful in the development of emotional maturity and the mental health of your child:

• If your child looks to see what is good and happy around them, will they not feel better in themselves?

• Children who are by nature happy attract other children who like to feel happy.

• Good mental health has a strong base in feeling good and in not letting incidences get you down. With a stronger capacity to see and want the happy moments, a child is drawn less to feeling sad and unhappy.

• Children who are conditioned into looking to the positive and happy opportunities of the day are less likely to be drawn into the darker side of unattractive social media etc.

• There is so much to learn from the moments of now. If your child is geared to searching for those moments, they will have less interest in the underbelly of trouble which can easily find its way into the daylight.

• This is all about choosing an attitude where life has much to offer and I want to actively engage in those activities that are life-giving. Just as you are probably involved in a sport that gives such life joy think about simple opportunities throughout the day that give a positive vibe to life. Go for a walk with your child, cycle together, play games draw together etc.

We all see how playing sport as a child is about enjoying the moment, feeling the exhilaration of what it is that you are doing with the ball etc. If we can transfer some of that happy feeling into moments of the day, we have come a long way in understanding the life-giving habit of celebrating the moment.

A child needs to grow a strong belief in themselves

How difficult is it for any of us to feel confident, have a go, put ourselves forward etc. without having a strong belief in ourselves? Do we take initiative if low in self-confidence? How about the time we avoid situations or people because we just haven’t the confidence to be part of a group or offer opinions? So much of engaging in the world is lost to us if we lack a strong belief in ourselves. We tend to avoid, omit, regress and simply lay silent.

Our children need to be steadily building a strong belief in themselves. They will put themselves forward and receive some knockdowns but climbing the ladder of being strongly connected to the world will come with mounting strong self-belief.

The following thoughts give us guidance into how we help build a strong foundation in our children in self-belief.

• If a child lacks self-confidence their learning can be affected as they are not disclosing what they need to know. Reminding our children to ask questions, be inquisitive is a right and a responsibility in learning.

• Having a strong positive self-image presents to others as a confident person. It is important as parents that we talk about all the positive aspects you notice in your child especially with regard to attitudes and values. They need to hear it loud and clear that they are worthwhile people with much to offer.

• When we are successful, it often has a boost with our self-esteem. Ensure that your child has plenty of opportunities to be successful. Teachers work off the philosophy that a child will be successful if they feel good about themselves. No surprises that in a classroom each day, teachers set up scenarios where children are successful in some form.

• Think about the little successes your child makes at home. They could be as small as showing courtesy to others, working hard to keep their room tidy etc. Simply affirm the success. Remember success begets more success

                ‘What a hero you are. The room is tidy and now we can read a story’.

• The more self-esteem builds, the more engaged the child will be in all that is around them. There is nothing more concerning than a disengaged child. Their world shrinks and their interests become more solo such as excessive use of games, television, social media etc. The more outward thinking the child, the greater propensity for building a strong self-image.

• Take care that when you correct your child due to some disappointments etc, you use language that is not harmful and will not attack the child’s self-confidence. Be disappointed with the deed but still love the child. Check that there are not too many negative conversations in a row as such patterns start to build a negative feeling of self-worth and everything can easily spiral downwards.

• Make broad sweeping announcements in front of others about how pleased you are with your child’s successes. (Everything within reason of course) There is a wonderful feeling that comes from hearing publicly how pleased your parents are with you.

As parents we are daily building foundational tools for our children. The words we use, the actions we display and the frequent appreciation of our children that we show, all build the framework for developing a well-rounded individual with a strong sense of self belief.

                   ‘As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.’

                                      -Johanne Wolfgang Von Goethe

Always keep the bright side of situations as your focus

How quickly we fall into disrepair here when it comes to looking at the sunny side of life. Some of us are wired to see the negative and focus on the disadvantages of situations. Negative information can attract us a lot quicker than positive information. We seem to be drawn to details that make us unhappy and anxious. There is some belief that being drawn to the negative was a safety mechanism for survival thousands of years ago when early man was all about simply surviving.

Nowadays we do not need those cues and our modern world can easily play havoc with our anxious moments and negative impacts. Social media is a perfect example of how we can become anxious and feel negative.

Consider the following to help you as a parent modify some of those negative responses:

• Parenting come with a sense of being cautious and protecting your child. That is why we sometimes become more negative and question decisions etc. for the sake of the child. Try to decipher in your mind how valid are your fears when reflecting on what is best for your child. Keep in mind that your child will grow when exposed to challenges and try to look for the best in those challenges.

• Your parenting is at its best when you are just doing your best under what circumstances are in front of you. Trying to be the perfect parent comes with a lot of stress and negative feelings of not being good enough. Remember the best style of parenting is when you are happy and accept that your efforts are good enough. Parenting will shift according to your human condition at the time such as tiredness, fatigue, work overload, etc.

• Try to recognise how quickly you resort to negative thoughts when dealing with your parenting. Are you able to shift mental gears and see the positive side of what your child is asking. The more you understand about your reactions, the more you will let some sunshine into your decisions.

• Remember that it takes practice to change the way you process your thoughts. Your first reaction as a parent is to protect, but look beyond this to see how your parenting can be more about listening and negotiating with your child. Bring in the positive thoughts in your discussions and try to see where you child is coming from with their ideas and demands.

Finally, learn more about yourself when you react to situations. If you learn that you are quick to be negative, try to slow it down and see the light in what your child is saying or doing. Be less afraid of taking a risk and letting in some positive thoughts.

                             ‘If you have good thoughts

                             They will shine out of your face like Sunbeams

                             And you will always look lovely.’

-The Twits. Roald Dahl

Being credible is such an important part in parenting

We build our relationships into healthy vibrant relationships when we have built up trust amongst others. It is as simple and as complicated as that.  Children have a natural disposition to trust their parents, which puts you in a very precious and precarious position if at any time that trust breaks down. Younger children trust implicitly, but as the child grows older and they question and probe how we think and challenge our beliefs etc, this is where trust comes into play so importantly.

Teachers are always in the firing line with children if they are not credible and as such their ability to teach is limited. Credibility builds trust and a teacher is in a wonderful situation to teach when they have the trust of their students.

Parents start off with automatic credibility with their child. As they mature and start to question, they will of course challenge you but still expect you to be credible holding all your values true to yourself.

Consider the following ideas that remind us of our credible role in your child’s life:

• Your relationship with your child will remain intact if to them you are seen as a credible and consistent person. It will not only remain intact but it will grow existentially.

• Your child relies on your credibility to gain verification for many aspects of life. What you tell them and how you express your beliefs is an important model to your child when they start making choices on their own.

• A child will be more interested in checking in with you as they grow older if they find you to be credible. There is so much constant change in their world. Sometimes just coming home to what they see as true and credible can be the best option. Especially in times of confusion.

• Given your credibility with your child there is less worry and more reassurance from the trust you give and take from your child. Anxiety can easily spread when doubt comes into play.

• Being credible does not mean that you cannot be flexible, vary your ideas or even head in alternative directions. That thread of credibility is all about being true to yourself and to others being authentic and human at the same time.

• There is nothing more comforting and reassuring than connecting to a credible person. In the fast-moving world that is ever changing for your developing child, how satisfying to feel that you their parents can be trustworthy and reliable when so much around them is shifting directions. You remain the axis upon which they gravitate.

By nature of being a parent you are invited to present such fine qualities as credibility and trust to your child. Never underestimate that such an opportunity is also all about developing yourself as a fully rounded, emotionally intelligent person. Like it or not parenting forces us to grow up!

‘To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.’

                                                                             -George MacDonald

Teach our children to be courteous

Sounds like it would be just a natural process of learning for a child. Perhaps something you pick up along the way. However, we live in a world where so much is instant gratification and things must happen fast. This comes at a cost of how people treat each other and at times common courtesy is one of the first virtues that can go out the window and be sacrificed for supposedly better outcomes.

A classroom is an environment where courtesy is presented as a valued gift and one that should be present throughout the school day. In fact it is mandatory. If a child does not show courtesy to other students, such behaviour is seen as negative and will be challenged. When working with children I was always aware that if I did not show the child respect and speak to them with courtesy and sincerity, I would fail to build their trust and further conversations would be damaged.

Your child will learn courtesy from you, especially when they see how you treat others and you use language and behaviour that is positive and not destructive towards others. They watch and observe and in their own way make judgements about how you, the parent dealt with certain people. It is amazing how little minds watch and observe and learn quickly all about the human condition. It should become a healthy habit to simply be a courteous person even when situations challenge us.

Thomas Fuller once said, “all doors open to courtesy”. Let’s consider how using courtesy as a child will improve their life.

• Children that are courteous stand out from a crowd. They are more often chosen or spoken to with respect due to their reliability and noticeability.

• When a child shows courtesy to others, they are reflecting on that other person and putting them in a safe space. Everyone feels comfortable when people are courteous to them.

• A child who uses courtesy is learning to value the other person. It is much easier for them to think positively of people as their first thoughts are not negative.

• Children who learn to use courtesy as a tool of communication can easily slip into effective language, where they listen and affirm others well. This well developed language gives them a higher order level of emotional maturity.

• If you are courteous, people are attracted to you and gravitate around you more given that they feel welcomed. This is important for a child to feel that others like their company. A child can feel very isolated from others if they do not have such good skills of communication.

• Children need to learn the art of courtesy and this is where your example comes into play. It is also worth taking to them about how a person is valued and should be treated with dignity and courtesy no matter how complicated that person can be.

Finally, there is a silent, steady power present in being courteous. You are stronger by nature of your courteous style. By treating someone with dignity no matter how different your thoughts are, there is little with which to argue. After all, they see how you accept them as legitimate. You accept their right to have a voice.

‘Your children will become what you are.

So be what you want them to be.’

-Love hope dream

The value you have to your child

So often as a busy parent we forget about the value we have to our children. We appreciate that we are important and that we hold great responsibility and balance of power in taking care of our child. I wonder how often we think about the value we give to our child.

          Dr Seuss said

“To the world you may be one person; but to one person you may be the world.”

Our busy lives strip away the sentimentality and time for reflection on such matters. However, stop for a minute and think:

• You make such a powerful impact on the developing life of your child. This then reminds us to take care on how we model ourselves and what messages we give to our children.

• The things you value will be initially valued by your child. After some time, they become more scrutinising but are greatly influenced by what you value in your life. For example, if you value being neat and tidy this will be a strong message to your child about how to live.

• Your well being is so important if you are to be a parent of much influence with your child. A healthy happy disposition shows your child that personal care is taken seriously by you and strongly valued.

• If you are so heavily valued by your child, remember that being authentic is showing your child that you are human and make mistakes, recognise difficulties, celebrate good times and do the best you can. When we aim to be perfect it usually goes pear-shaped and this gives a confusing message to our appreciative child.

• A helpful way of looking at it is to imagine your child grown up. What do you think they will think of you? Will they have a very distinctive way of looking back or will it be a mixed memory of how your acted and treated them. Think of your own parents and that journey. By focussing on this thought you realise that we carry images of ourselves into the future and you want them to be memorably happy moments. After all, you were for many years their heroes. They valued what you had to offer them.

• In working with children one of the clearest messages I received from children was how they knew their parents. To them, they were an important anchor and bearer of truth. Your word was taken seriously even though some behaviour may have suggested others. This almost spiritual value that you hold as a parent is quite sacred and such a precious parental gift you have been given. Use it wisely so that your child will carry forward all the lessons taught and learnt. They will discard some but they will value many as an adult and especially as they begin to parent themselves. Where else will they get their examples from?

          ‘Children learn more from what you are than what you teach.’

                                                                -W.E.B DuBois

Are you planning everything around your children?

The answer could simply be yes as our children have busy, demanding schedules with school, outside sports activities and friendship demands. Of course, we feel the expanding pressure of always being available and ensuring that their outside school needs are met by us. There is a common belief that providing a full complement of activities outside the school will be satisfying for the children and will demonstrate how effective I am as a parent in ensuring that my child is offered all that is available.

 Beware. This can be a trap where as parents we want only to have our children fulfilled and active throughout the day. Whatever happened to simply just being as a family and not setting busy expectations for everyone. Downtime with the family is a vital time to replenish the family spirit, refresh relationships and simply enjoy each other’s company. There is a lot to be learnt from each other and of course, this will come with sibling tensions, disappointments, misunderstandings etc. However, what a time this is to learn more about tolerance and differences with each other.

 A family is by nature a medley of people who are stretching and growing in a space that is built around trust, love and companionship. With every stretch will come a strain and a new challenge in how the family operates as a whole. When teachers set up their classrooms they are every conscious to provide special times where the students simply learn about each other and grow from what they learn. Teachers realise that the best learning comes from exploring each other through exposing them to challenges and opportunities. Accepting each other’s differences is a big part of growing as a team.

Consider the following thoughts on why relaxing more as a family with less constraints feeds the soul of the family:

• Unstructured family time can lead to the children exercising their own imagination in what to do.

• Don’t be afraid about doing nothing. It’s amazing how emptiness can quickly fill when children are involved.

• By providing some quiet family time that is unstructured you are telling your children that it is legitimate and mentally healthy to simply be as a family without set agendas. The unchartered waters of unstructured family time can mean many things to different members of the family.

• Provide a climate where children can visually see the possibilities of playing board games, reading, scrabble etc. Let them be the ones to choose how best to fill that family space. A home that is inviting to children is one that gives them opportunities to create and is easily accessible in many ways without obsessive controls.

• Most busy families set priorities for the day. This enables routine and daily planning to run smoothly. This is all about being productive which can lead to feeling overwhelmed. Start thinking that a priority across the week is to simply plan for relaxed, unstructured family time where an element of peace is the goal. Sometimes late on a Sunday may be the best time. Build it in with as much authority as other major activities for the week. Let your children know that it has a significant role in the plan of the week and has substance.

Talk about this family time as important to you to simply have a presence with your children. In today's world there is instant gratification and immediate response as a sign of the times. It needs to be taught to your children that simply just hanging out together with no agenda or planned expectations is healthy and valued.

                                    ‘In every conceivable manner,

                                     The family is the link to our past,

                                      The Bridge to our future.’

                                                                                     -YourTango

Being a mum - something to think about

Over the many years of being a principal and having such deep involvement with families, I have huge respect for the role women play as the mother in the family. Yes, it has a special place in everyone’s heart. I have learnt some precious realities in watching mums raise a family, live with it and through it, suffer all the hardships, carry the weak moments and rise above the troubled spots. Now that’s being a mum!

As a treat and a time to reflect on your importance and value, consider the following awareness that I have acquired watching and observing mothers over the years:

• No matter how the days and weeks pan out, you are still a pivotal point in the life of your child. That is an absolute.

• Across the day, a child thinks and talks about their mum quite often. Mums are very much part of their daily thinking in and out of school. Thoughts of their mums rarely leave their consciousness.

• Have you ever seen how your child looks at you? Those powerful glances where they seek your approval and know that therein lies ultimate truth. They can rely on that truth.

• When your child is annoyed or irritable with you, it is often because they don’t like the fallout with someone so precious in their life. Their balance is skewed and they want you front and centre in their consciousness.

• Your journey with your child will have many roads and some a little challenging. Whatever the path, it is a journey that you share together and is precious to you both. Along the path, there will be troughs and smooth paths but together you will navigate the best route forward in rain and sunshine. Just follow that yellow brick road!

• The unconditional love you have for your child has such incredible potential. Are there are many things where unconditional love is valued more? Your child knows this feeling and gains immense feelings of security and well-being from it.

• Being a mum should be fun and even though it can express all the emotions from fatigue to anger, joy to sorrow, would you have it any other way? Try to build in more fun. Nothing happier than to see play and joy between mother and child.

• That little individual you have given birth to will, one day independently take part fully in life. Your influence in this is immense and lasting. But remember if you hold onto their hands too long, they cannot come back to hug you.

• Once a mum always a mum and then a grandmother and then just a powerful wisdom long lasting in the life of the family. What a treasure you become to so many overtime!

• Your journey as a fully rounded individual must be attributed in part to being a mum. Think of all the lessons in life you have learnt since becoming a mother. Your rich sense of compassion, empathy, astuteness, selflessness etc. must have all been stimulated by what you have learnt along the way, especially during motherhood.

Finally, find time to celebrate your motherhood. Have a special bath, a glass of champagne, an extra run in the park, whatever makes you happy. You deserve it and thanks for helping to shape good mankind.

          ‘Being a mother is about learning about strengths you didn’t know you had.’

                                      -Linda Wooten

What will your child remember about you?

As your child grows and the years swiftly move on you will notice that the things you say and what you do is quickly forgotten and replaced with new thoughts, plans and directions as a family. Do we fixate too much on the smaller details of each day? Time seems to work against us as we busily engage with our children over the years. They are preoccupied with years full of different agendas and the shifting demands that are placed on us. What do our children really think about us? Are they aware of all our efforts? Do they remember the little details and the extra efforts we make over the years? What is their level of appreciation of us the parents?

No matter what effort you made, your child will never forget how you made them feel about themselves. They will have images in their mind of how they felt in your presence and how you treated them and valued them as people. These are lasting images and will influence their longer term memories of their childhood and of your parenting. No pressure!

Think for a minute of your favourite teacher. What did you like about them? I am sure that how they treated you was a big part of your longer-term images of them.

The following thoughts may help you feel less pressured and happy in your own faith as an effective parent:

•  Little mistakes don’t really register in the longer term.

• Being a parent with the best intentions is good enough. If things do not go perfectly as planned so be it. Children need to learn that disappointment is part of growing up.

• Always watch the way and the intent of how you talk to your child. Be consistent in how you discuss matters. Changing tactics becoming angry etc. will unsettle your child.

• Your child does not expect you to be perfect. In fact, they like your natural style and value your honesty when making a mistake. Such honesty and ease in apologising, reassures them that you are human and will be empathetic to their needs.

• Whilst it is important to affirm them regularly, they also appreciate your honest appraisal of some of their activities. Listen to their concerns and be available for consultation when asked. Try to involve your child in as much decision making as possible. The more they feel part of the decisions, the more they engage and feel connected to the story.

• In making your child feel good about themselves, you need to be honest and open with them. They deserve honesty and value your truth when at times it comes with disappointment and loss. What is a parent if it is not to rear and nurture a happy, healthy individual born from the experience of being a happy child?

• Your disposition also has a strong influence on how your child feels and copes around you. The more they feel welcomed and find it easy to engage with you, the happier and more fulfilled they feel. It may seem strange but your style of parenting plays heavily on their sense of feeling valued and developing a healthy self-esteem.

• Think about what your child says about their favourite teacher. It is interesting to hear what makes them happy in being around them. No surprise that it will be linked to how much they feel valued and can trust their teacher.

Finally, just relax and take stock of all the good ways in which you parent. Don’t be troubled by small stuff, but keep your eye on the ball which is the longer-term gain of having reared a happy child whose memories of childhood will be warm and comforting thanks to you!

          ‘A happy childhood is perhaps the most important gift in life.’

                                                                    -Dorothy Richardson