Using our language well

One of our greatest gifts is the power of speech. It starts from birth with simple sounds and some not so little. As we develop language, we listen and learn about what is said around us. Even intonations are often picked up from family connections and familiarity with people. Language can be used for good and sadly for evil. We teach our children how to use language from our own way of communicating and how we send messages to others.

When we use language effectively, there is so much more to gain and in its own right, it carries more power than blustering through conversations that are reliant on aggressive expression.

Let us think about how effective language can make a difference for your child:

• When you speak calmly and without raising your voice, people will listen with more sincerity. Louder more aggressive tones are often ignored or overrode by people who can become anxious with what is said.

• When you speak, stop and think. Just a little thought about what you have to say can make such a difference in the way you express yourself to others.

• When responding, keep a positive tone. Throw in a little affirmation and reassurance sometimes. ‘Thanks for the lunch. I really enjoyed my time with you.’

• Use words that are not harmful at all times. There are ways of expressing your displeasure, but be careful, using words that label will stick.

• Every now and again check your vocabulary. Can you increase it and find words that are more enriching when explaining situations to others?

• I have always said fewer words are better. This is true, especially if what you have to say is about something negative. Say it and move on. Repeating it does not give it extra merit.

• Children always look for reassurance in your words. Keep a mental check of how you are speaking to them and build positive thoughts about your children. Everyone loves to hear something nice about themselves.

• Remember the ‘I’ statements. ‘I am angry that you broke the vase. That was my favourite gift from my aunty’. When angry, an ‘I’ statement with a logical reason behind it is more effective than using poor language and just being angry.

• Play games like scrabble. They increase your vocabulary and teach your children the benefits of having a broad range of words as back up.

• Remember, when speaking, talk at a pace and a level of hearing that works for your child. Talking too fast may mean that they do not hear or listen to what you say. Choose a pace and volume that works.

• Do not use an aggressive voice when dealing with children. Hostility can be picked up from the voice and this can very easily intimidate and overwhelm your child.

• When your child speaks, become a good listener. Try not to interrupt. They need to express their thoughts in complete sentences and with time to reflect. Jumping in quickly undermines their voice.

• Practise expressing your words clearly. Avoid abbreviations and take your time saying what you need to say. Your child is learning from you, the art of speaking well.

• Monitor your body language when speaking. A lot can be said from poor body language.

• Try to focus when talking and not drift away onto other topics. Children will listen more if you talk about what is important and nothing more. Idol chatter is seldom heard.

• Speaking can use empathy and other essential emotions that are important in building relations with children. Use these motions wisely and not for manipulative purposes.

• Speaking well to children helps them shape their emotional development and builds relationships with others, A child who is spoken to with dignity and respect learns to like and value themselves.

• If children are surrounded by good language, their literacy skills improve immensely and their confidence in using good language grows. Such growth feeds into their self-esteem and the child feels able-bodied in independently talking about things that matter to them. A confident, well-spoken child is a joy to behold.

Finally, a parent who uses language as a skill that will give their child a better chance in life is a wise parent.

‘The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.’

-Ludwig Wittgenstein

Do you ever feel like you have hit rock bottom as a parent?

We all have those moments and sometimes they turn into hours!

In my work as a school principal, I was always noticing the major changes and adjustments that families made as time went on. Crisis can hit, but as time went on, circumstances shifted and new life came into what were very difficult situations.

Fear is often an issue with parents when they think about the worst-case scenario. They think about the dreaded, ‘What if’ factor. This can become quite a preoccupation. It can cloud common sense responses to situations and can limit a parent’s ability to open their minds to options.

Here are some ideas to keep you going and to remind you that being human, making mistakes, etc. is all part of parenting:

• Nothing is permanent. If you have a crisis or just hitting rock bottom, it will pass. Time has a way of shifting the ebbs and flows of life experiences. Everything has its season.

• Children keep changing and evolving. Their thoughts and ideas keep shifting and their needs and demands will change as we, the parents, change with them. Therefore, worrying unduly or overthinking about one issue is pointless. Sometimes preoccupying ourselves can mean the problem just disappears, without any of our interference.

• The problems children have are children’s problems, so I recommend putting things into perspective and worrying less. Children’s problems come and go and they often take charge of them themselves. Everything of course within reason.

• Your children will surprise you! When it comes, enjoy the challenge and try not to become anxious about its implications.

• If you are getting tired from just parenting, perhaps you are working at it too hard. Are you overthinking matters? Perhaps you are demanding too much control? Some of the best parenting I have seen came from relaxed and easy-going people who were quite happy to let things just be at times and not interfere too much with their children’s issues. Simply having a presence can at times be enough.

• Don’t forget to not lose yourself in parenting. Allow some time for yourself to develop who you are. The happier you are as a person in your own right, the better you will be as a parent. Think about exercising or doing some activity that gives you joy. Permit yourself to be a parent that makes room for yourself.

• If you are feeling overwhelmed, learn to reduce the pressure. Find ways to cut back on planned activities or slow down from adding to the list of things to do. Your child wants you as a happy parent, not a fatigued parent. Less is better when it all gets too much!

• Be honest with your child. If you are tired tell them. If you haven't the time to do what is requested, talk about it. Your child needs to learn and understand your limits. Be authentic with them and they will appreciate your honesty. This is how they learn empathy, compassion and tolerance. This is also about setting responsible boundaries that support your needs.

• If you are hitting a low point, seek out friends and companions that have a similar journey. A lot can be gained by having such a support group to call on. We all need to rely on others. Parenting has been around since the cavemen.

• Sometimes saying less when things get heated is the best way not to overcomplicate situations and tire yourself out. We often try to be available and solve situations on the run. Saying less and even silence at times creates some emotional respite which can be a calming time.

• If discipline is needed, are you the one to deal with it if you are not in the right space? Perhaps delay discipline if you are not able to deal with it at the time. You need to be well and in a good mental space to be disciplining children.

• Try not to be critical of yourself as a parent. You are doing the best you can. Don’t compare yourself to others. You can go into dangerous emotional spaces when you do this comparison. Your child loves and values you for who you are, warts and all so keep up with just loving your child and doing your best. By the way, I have never met a perfect parent!

 Finally play often with your child. The more you play, the less intense you are and that greater feeling of being connected to your child tends to wash away some of those feelings of it all being too much. Play is a wonderful healing agent. We all need to play from time to time.

         ‘Self care is turning some of the nurturing energy you give to your child, towards yourself.’

                                                                       -Kristi Yeh LMFT

Teach our children to be flexible and with this, determination

We live in a world that demands a flexible and open way of being and doing. The more obstinate and single minded we become, the more obstacles we have and the lack of interest people will show in our causes. This blog is a combination of thinking about flexibility and with it the importance of being determined.

Let’s teach our children that they can be flexible and when things don’t go their way, they can change direction, try another way and with determination, keep going. How many times do things go wrong and we are left with the question of what now? A determined mind and a disposition to be flexible and try a different way, shows stamina and invariably leads to success and most definitely more satisfaction.

Take for example a child who struggles to understand subtraction. Try as they might they just can’t understand how it works. In this case, if he decides to learn a different way or perhaps set up separate lessons with his teacher, he is showing determination and a flexible approach to solving subtraction. Here there is no defeat, but a stoic approach to getting on top of the problem. What great resilience to teach your child. What wonderful feelings of being successful a child will have.

 Consider:

• There will be times when a problem gets on top of you. Talk to your child about all the approaches you will try to solve the problem. Let them know that with flexibility and new way of thinking, the problem can be solved. There will be no walking away from the situation.

• Your child will need help from time to time. If it’s homework, avoid frustration and look for alternative ways to solve the issue. It may be a simple solution of just talking to the teacher. Either way, you let them know that it is important to get on top of the problem.

• When you see your child struggling with their toys, games etc, rather than putting them away making excuses like, ‘it’s too hard or you’re so tired’, try working on suggestions: ‘Let’s find another way to put that Lego together.’ ‘The jigsaw is tricky, let’s turn it around and start from the other end.’

Here we are saying that all is possible with new ideas and the belief that you can do it.

• How many times do we put things away to avoid increasing problems or disappointments? Show them that conquering the problem is the way to go using creativity and finding flexible tools. The reward is to complete the task which is so satisfying. Of course, everything within reason and a responsible parent knows when enough effort is enough.

Try to teach the principle.‘If we can’t do this, then we can have a go another way.’

Teach them that something tackled is worth finishing and that finding different ways around the problem is very satisfying.

• Children can often get disappointed because they discover that they are not good runners, or they are poor at spelling. This is where we move in by reminding them that you find other things that they are good at. Teachers are very capable of redirecting a child’s focus when they feel let down when they are not showing skill in a certain area. This is being determined to not be put down by failure, but redirecting one’s thinking to what makes you shine. It is also recognising that we cannot be perfect at everything.

• We all have losses and we all recognise that some things may not be obtainable but if we teach our children to be flexible and keep persevering, who knows where this life lesson goes? How many stories do we hear of brave acts such as sailing solo around the world with major disabilities?

A child who learns the value of perseverance and has an optimistic approach to solving problems in different ways is a fortunate child. They learn that having a go may mean failure but having another go, it might just work!

        ‘They can’t use up creativity. The more you use the more they have.’

                                                                           -Mayo Angelou

Watch out for the impostor syndrome that can creep up slowly

Have you ever felt that you were just not worthy of rewards or that you felt that people had misjudged you or that you weren’t as capable as people thought. Perhaps somebody else should have your position? Beware, this is called the impostor syndrome. This is where we tend to believe that we are fooling others and rising above our status and capabilities. It can be one of those syndromes that can start early and I have seen, in some children, a lack of willingness to take awards, or put themselves first, because they thought others were more worthy. A child can start to develop stepping back approach to and not expecting to be chosen because of their feeling of unworthiness.

Let us consider how we can ensure that our children reduce their feelings of insecurity:

• Always try to reinforce with them why they have succeeded. In this way you are being specific about their achievements. They are real and clearly being stated “Well done. You won that award because you can run so fast. It is a great skill of yours.”

• Encourage your child to put their names forward for all types of events and opportunities. Explain that better to be in the race than not.

• Talk about how you cope with feelings that others deserve it more than you. Perhaps you have had times when you were reluctant to put yourself forward. How did you handle it?

• Having knowledge that you are capable and that there are good reasons why you should be chosen is a key to being on top of this problem.

• Reinforce regularly to your children that we all have some fear about taking on new steps but that they are worthy and that they should feel proud of all their achievements.

• Sometimes it’s worth just listing all the capabilities your child demonstrates. Sometimes seeing it gives a strong message of their sense of worth.

• Talk to your child’s teacher and ask if there are any signs that your child is choosing to stand back from being chosen or is reluctant to put up their hands. Teachers are very good at bringing children into the scene and ensuring that their engagement in the class is full and healthy. The classroom is an especially important space for your child to feel strong and confident in themselves amongst their peers. So much of this impostor syndrome is about you feeling less worthy than others.

• Try to avoid put downs to your child. These are sure fired ways of making them feel less worthy. Words stick and can be remembered for a long time.

• Take care not to rush to negative talk when a situation develops. Here we are trying to encourage our children not to immediately focus on the negative. When a tricky situation occurs think about the positive first. Be drawn to thinking about good outcomes before honing in on the negative.

Finally, we all can suffer from being a little nervous but here we are trying to ensure that our children do not become conditioned to stepping back and feeling less worthy than others. A healthy dose of personal confidence and feeling of worthiness is what we seek for our children. It is a very healthy disposition to like yourself and feel achievable and worthy.

                   ‘Love isn’t something you have to deserve.’

                                                                                  -Jennifer Echols

Keep an eye out for perfectionism

Perfectionism is closely aligned to anxiety of various sorts. It can be triggered in many ways, but once it takes hold it can very destructive. It can become toxic. Children particularly can be affected by perfectionism. It may manifest itself when doing a test. It can be all about not completing work for fear of getting it wrong. It can also encourage procrastination where a child chooses not to make decisions. There are many irrational beliefs that a child can develop when perfectionism creeps in. I have noticed that first children can have reservations about completing tasks that are not good enough. Often, the second child was more relaxed, the first child showed reservations caught up with fear of making a mistake. Here it was about not letting anyone see their mistakes, the least of which was parents. Perfectionism holds you back from achieving your goals.

As parents, we can be partially responsible for our children having fears and doubts, as they do not want to disappoint us. This is very big in their mind, especially as they see how excited we are about their achievements. At a very early age, they see the excitement on the face of their parents when they are successful.

Consider:

• When affirming your child, try to comment on their efforts not focusing too much on the outright success. The measuring of success can make a child anxious. Sometimes good is good enough.‘You got everything right just like the other day. How smart you are.’ This can set a precedence where the child has to keep up the performance. Nothing less that perfect is what is required!

• Explain that nobody is perfect and it is all about the effort and outcomes that come from the drive.‘You certainly put all the effort into your work. Congratulations.’

• When you talk about your child’s strengths, occasionally mention those areas that they are working on.‘I notice how great you are at helping with setting the table. Thank you. Sometimes help with the dishes is good also. Let me show you the best way to stack the dishwasher’. Here we say we are always working to improve and learn new skills.

• Always state that you do not expect your child to be perfect. In fact perfection is a myth. It is important to articulate that to your child. Sometimes they simply need to hear it! Often! Remember perfectionism is all about earning approval.

• Use the rating scale. It comes in handy. Ask your child occasionally what number out of ten do they give themselves for some activity. Talking about the number reminds everyone that life is a work in progress. It is all about continuous improvement.

• Children love heroes. Talk about some of their idols such as sporting heroes and their struggles and determination to overcome being the perfect athlete etc. How do they manage being satisfied with their performance especially when they don’t win? How do they manage a lack of perfection? Where or how do they find contentment in their flaws?

• Sometimes simply making one mistake can be catastrophic and take over a child’s belief that they are a complete failure. We could call this self abuse! This is of course a major problem for some children. From an early age focus not on the performance but the effort and passions that your child shows. Affirm their contributions and applaud their recognition of other children’s efforts. ‘Well done. You tried so hard and worked so long with that project. Such endurance. It is also pleasing to see that some children also showed great creativity in their work.’ Teaching them to share the glory strengthens empathy. It defuses the        importance on the child as well.

Finally, children learn from an early age to compare themselves to others. Many external influences are out of your control. Your role is simply to remind them by word and deed that they are a special individual and that performance is not a measure of how successful they are as a person.

‘Perfectionism is the art of never being satisfied.’

                                                                                          -Unknown

10 strategies to get the best from school as the year begins

Now that your child has started school, think about what we control and what we don’t. There will be many challenges for your child in the classroom but they are their challenges and we simply listen and encourage them through the process.

1. You will have many pressures on you as the year progresses. You can start to say ‘no’ so that you scrutinise what you are doing. This will give more time identify what is important in the family and with your child. Start discerning what is really important so that you can unclutter your time.

2. Your child is back at school. Make everyday a learning day. Listen to what they tell you after school and enjoy all the new learning that comes their way. Be excited and interested in what new aspects of school life they have discovered.

3. When you talk to your child about school days, keep in mind that their world is to be owned by them. Be an active listener and not invasive in helping them solve their problems. Be a consultant and listen with interest.

4. Keep up healthy morning rituals to get the children up and running. A strong, consistent morning routine helps them stay focused and get to school with the least distraction. This is especially important for the more anxious child.

5. Don’t be angry in the mornings. Make them a happy, stable space for the child in getting ready for school. They need to go to school in a happy disposition. Otherwise, a child will only contemplate that angry feeling over the day, which will limit their opportunities.

6. Try to keep insignificant matters down to a minimum. There is much to absorb when school starts and the more insignificance we bring into our time, the less we focus on the important things. Keep things simple and uncomplicated.

7. Be careful not to dive into saying things that could be best left unsaid. You will hear much from your child when they come home each day. Listen and process the information. Pause and think before you have an opinion. They will pick up your judgement very quickly.

8. As the weeks and the year unfolds, you will learn much about the class, teachers, etc. you may change your opinion over time. Take care not to be too opinionated early in the year. Your child needs to make their own judgements and learn from that experience.

9. Concentrate on the present situation at school. Try not to worry about future issues that may occur. What is surprising, is the twist and turns that happen over a school year. Much is unpredictable and we cannot plan for it. Just enjoy the moments as your child finds their way through the first few weeks of school. Everything is a discovery.

10. When you hear some negative talk, try to give the school the benefit of the doubt. Schools work very hard to build strong foundations with parents and often what you hear may not be the truth. Your child needs to feel that you trust and have faith in their school. This gives them the reassurance they need every day. Let the school year be a growing time for your child with all the optimism and hope that it can possibly carry for the year.

‘Optimism isn’t a belief that things will automatically get better, it’s a conviction that we can make things better.’

-Melinda Gates

A few thoughts about what your child wants from school this year

School is such an immense part of a child’s life as well as having a major impact on the whole family. Of course we expect it to be a time that fulfils many objectives including stimulating a child’s imagination and developing a love for learning. We have high expectations when our child steps into the school and we trust that the environment will be a good fit for our child.

What make a child happy when at school? This is important as we now happy students are motivated students.

• They need and want to be an active participant in class. This gives them credibility and a feeling of inclusion.

• A busy school with plenty of activities excites and stimulates a child to become actively involved. Schools should not be docile places.

• Every child needs to feel appreciated, to regularly have affirmation and acknowledgement for their efforts. No one copes well without feeling that they are capable of success and that they are recognised for their efforts by others that they value.

• Regular success feeds the desire to keep learning. A school that focuses on success is a winner.

• A child needs to be in relationship with other children. Developing friendships is critical to a child. Their social world is such an important part of their emotional growth. In a school setting, a child can have a powerful journey in building relationships over the years.

Here are some basic thoughts to aid and abet your child getting the best from school this year:

•      Listen well to what they have to say

•      Be available which may mean adjusting your busy schedule.

•      Be a parent and not a friend which at times may take you in a different direction.

•      Let them take ownership as much as possible independence is key to better learning.

• Talk about school regularly and postively so that it comfortably intertwines with family life.

• Remember that it is their school and their journey, which means at times you may need to step back and let them work through issues themselves.

• Read everything that comes home from school and talk about all the activities available. Show as much interest as you can in what your child is doing at school.

Finally, for your child to be happy and get the best from the school you need to a be a parent that presents a happy face and shows great pride in all their endeavours.

Good luck family in starting the new school year!

          ‘It’s one of my favourite seasons of the year: back to school.’

                                                                                       -Dana Perino

Start the year understanding ourselves better

Consider what is holding us back in many ways. If we are always focusing on helping our children, we also need to think about matters that we can turn around in our own life.

Sometimes we preoccupy ourselves with self doubt. We are quick to think its too hard, too difficult or not within our realm of capabilities. We have a tendency to inflate the threat in our mind and this can cause a shutdown of interest, in pushing further with the idea or activity. Show your child that we can manage self doubt by focusing on positive feelings about achievement. If your child sees how you push ahead with determination and avoid the negative feelings that make you doubt your ability, they will learn to be determined and start to develop a non defeatist mentality.

Beware perfectionism. It’s a killer when it comes to living comfortably around all sorts of things on a daily basis. It can make you feel vulnerable and never satisfied, anxious about not completing things. Even if you have this tendency, talk to your child about how it can make life difficult for you. Show them that perfectionism can bring you down and take care not to put too much pressure on them. Remind your child that they are good enough to do all sorts of things and they should take up opportunities where possible.

Remember that we have moments of feeling socially disengaged ourselves. Sometimes it is easier to stay disengaged and not put ourselves out there with others. Talk to your child if you have these feelings and tell them how you are working to solve them. Being socially engaged is critical for self development. Keep an eye on your child’s swings as your role is to motivate and encourage their social skills across many groups.

Remember we are not perfect individuals. As adults and parents we have all the usual fears and phobias that anyone can have across the years. The challenge for us is to be honest with our children and let them see that life is a work in progress. You are working on your own agendas and by inviting your child into learning about the strategies and tactics you use to help you, real understanding and teaching occurs. Your child loves you implicitly. They will be very sympathetic and will understand your journey better if you keep them in the loop. Rather than letting your child live around your own struggles and challenges, allow them in to see how you work on feeling better, getting better and setting goals. They are very sensitive to your emotional triggers and the more they understand about what presses your buttons, the more tolerant they are to the situation.  

You will be surprised how their developing empathy and love can do a lot of good for all the family. 

                   ‘I don’t want my children to follow in my footsteps

           I want them to take the path next to me and go further than

                   I could have ever dreamt possible.’

                                                                               -Picture quotes.com

8 dos and don'ts as your child starts school

This is a busy and exciting time for your child. They are about to be bombarded with a new class environment and all that involves. Now is a time for you to give them some space in the early days of starting school.

Consider these thoughts about a few don'ts at the beginning of the year.

1. Let your child settle in. Try not to ask too many questions especially in the first few weeks where your child is just getting their head around the changes.

2. Don’t set too high expectations so soon into the year. Your child will learn how the dynamics of the classroom works, they are in the early days of forming a relationship with their teacher and this may take some time to solidify.

3. Don’t put excessive demands on them at this stage of the year. They will have new demands on them which will take time to work through in their mind.

4. Have a presence at the school but give them space. They will be busy forming relationship or reacquainting themselves with friends. This can be a sensitive matter for some children.

5. Try to keep the social life of the family to a minimum in the first bracket of the year. Your child will come home from school tired and needing time to reorientate themselves to a new school year. Plenty of sleep and a balanced program is the best.

6. If you have queries about your child’s teachers, classroom situation etc. don’t speak too openly about your concerns to your child. They are forming their own opinions which will ultimately impact on their learning. Talk to your child’s teacher and be discreet about the nature of the conversations. Early opinions can often be wrong.

7. Everyone takes time to come out of holiday mode and into schools and routine. Don’t be too critical if it takes them a little time to reorientate. We all need adjustment time. After all it’s still Summer!

8. Try not to comment on their friendships. These may be changing and your child needs time to sift through all the children that are now part of their circle. Their emotional growth will come from being discerning, making mistakes and learning how to sustain friends. Remember they are not your friends.

 Finally, these first few weeks will not look like the last two weeks even of this term. The classroom environment will evolve over time. Be patient let the grass settle and let your child find their roots in the new environment of school they are embracing for 2023. Teachers always plan term one as being a very flexible term, where they expect the unexpected and begin to build harmonious relationships with the children. All this takes time.

                           ‘Slow and steady wins the race.’

                                                                 -Robert Lloyd

Is bullying an issue for your child?

Sadly, this is an area that we are dealing with across all schools. From time-to-time, schools develop great policies that seem to work to protect the victim and to change the behaviour of the offender. However, they can break down and once a child feels the pressure of repeated bullying, it can become quite a consuming and damaging part of their life. In many cases it is not forgotten.

Of course, there is the argument that we need to toughen our children to the real world. I would agree with this, except bullying has an incredibly damaging impact on a child’s wellbeing, which can be lasting and have major impact on a child’s sense of self-worth. A child’s school performance will drop quickly if they lose their sense of personal confidence.

Here are a few ideas to keep you focused on the issue of bullying:

• When chatting with your child, listen to any statements being made about feeling less interested in school. Of course, there are obvious signs such as bruising etc. but sometimes a child wants to simply not attend school because of the passive aggressive pressure being placed on them. Gently ask questions to establish why they have lost interest in school.

• If you suspect some bullying, take care not to be too direct in questioning. That can sometimes scare them off. Also, they fear that your interference can make it worse. This is a big issue with children not disclosing bullying, if they think their parents will intervene and overreact.

‘You seem unhappy with school now. I wonder what makes you feels so sad?’ Ask gentle, general questions.

• A child needs to feel that when they tell you about it, you are really listening and not just treating it lightly. When a child is bullied, they need reassurance and faith that their parents will take it seriously.

• Of course, overreacting and wanting to solve the problem by approaching the bully yourself is not the answer. If your child thinks that you will deal with it that way, they are more inclined not to tell you. Take care not to be the person who solves the problem on your own. That behaviour does not make for a better parent.

• Listen carefully and get an accurate picture of what is happening. Let them talk about their feelings and ask them to be specific about the bullying.

·       Who is doing it?

·       What are they actually doing to your child?

·       How often does it happen?

·       When and how does your child deal with it now?

• Sometimes children can be vague about the bullying because they are anxious and feel interference will make it worse. Go gently and gain accurate and specific information. Try not to put thoughts in their mind that their behaviour has caused this to happen. However, try to learn what aggravates this behaviour.

• Discuss the actions to take with your child. Give them strategies but also go straight to the school initially deal with the teacher and discuss how it will be handled. A Principal will most often refer this back to the teacher who understands more about the dynamics of their class.

• Your child needs to be aware of all the actions that needs to be taken and what the school expects of them. Read their school policy on bullying very carefully. It will contain expectations on the part of the one bullying and the victim.

• Ongoing discussion with your child will ensure that they know you are concerned and that no one rests until the bullying has stopped. Keep in regular touch with the school to ensure that the action has gone away. If still unsatisfied, talk to the Principal.

• Discuss with your child how they are feeling and have they learnt any strategies to deal with such issues in the future. Whilst we all have strong feelings about consequences for the one bullying, we want our child to learn how to prevent further bullying occurring.

• Keep in touch with the school to be satisfied that the issue of bullying is still being addressed. Bullying can transform itself in various ways and creep back without ongoing maintenance from the school and parents.

A child has a fundamental right to feel safe and to be treated fairly and respectfully. Schools and parents need to work together to ensure that emotional, intellectual, social and physical safety is a given at their school.

‘If children feel safe, they can take risks, ask questions, make mistakes, learn to trust and share their feelings and grow.’

-Alfie Kohn

Learn to have some fun

There is not a lot written about the value of being happy but we know that there are some wonderful psychological advantages to just having fun. Here I make the distinction to humour. Within fun we can have a lot of humour. It is present when we become excited or find something that makes us feel good.

Teachers know that when an element of spontaneous fun is included in their day or week, the mood and temper of the children increases tenfold. Many teachers would also say that the presence of fun builds trust with children. A child feels secure when they see their teacher relax and display a happy spontaneous style in the classroom. There is something honest and healthy about simply having some fun.

Let’s think about the value of having fun with your child:

• When you have fun together, you show your child that there is a child in you, the adult. Bringing back the child in you is a positive life-giving thing.

• We are always trying to be in control. It is a massive driver for us as responsible parents. How about letting go sometimes and simply have some spontaneous unplanned fun with your child. It could last five minutes or much longer. It does not make you a less reliable, organised person, but it shows your child that having fun is alive in you.

• By having fun together you are bringing yourself to the same level as your child. This is quite a moment for both of you to share.

• Children will remember the fun times. Nobody wants to remember the serious times. They simply bring you down. However, being a fun-loving parent is memorable.

• To be an effective adult, one must also understand the lighter side of being human. We need to have fun as well and we need to show our children how we enjoy it. It is a well-being component built into our DNA.

• Fun can be any form of having a wonderful time together. Let it be spontaneous, which may take you away from routine and schedules sometimes. It can be a short sharp moment of fun. If you look around it is not hard to see the fun side of so much of life. Point it out to your child.

• We often talk about how important it is to play with your child. Similarly, it is important for developing good mental health that you simply have fun. It can only bring out the best in you and there are no boundaries there with your child. It can serve as a quick pick me up when moodiness is around and it can lighten the spirit when feelings of sadness are prevailing around our children.

Try to build in a bit of fun over the week. It could be as simple as tickling on the couch, throwing pillars around the room or blowing bubbles through your drink. No one said it has to be sensible.

        ‘Let go of preconceived notions and prejudices. Expect surprises. Expect miracles’

                                                             -Michael Joseph

Are you prepared to change your opinions?

Are you prepared to change your opinions? We all have our way of doing and thinking. We all develop opinions and have preferences and dare I say it, biases. It’s natural. It's all part of building your own way of being. How often do we meet people and have an instant belief of who and what they are? Do we along the track learn that we are always right?

Are we sometimes challenged about our opinions and when do we demonstrate an open approach to learning and changing perspectives?

These thoughts are inviting us to reflect on how opinionated we are around our children. No mistaking it, they know what we feel and what we think is acceptable etc. They know our biases and recognise our preconceptions. So what, I hear you say, isn’t that about giving them our values and what is good and wholesome about us?

Take care because we can be incidentally teaching them about certainty, mistrust and a sense of arrogance in being right.

The following thoughts help us to be a little more open in our ideas, where we can see the value of questioning and humility at learning something new. It teaches we are open to rethinking and reevaluating our much loved beliefs.

• Try to develop an inquiring attitude to life. Rather than making bold statements about what you believe to be right, introduce questioning. ‘I wonder what is making people angry to be in that protest. Let’s look at the concern they have.” Here you have room to discuss and also put your opinions in a safe place.

• Listen to the strange and wonderful things that your child comes home with from school. Don’t be shocked, but rather invite conversation about what is on their mind. You can learn much from what is said and what is not said!

• When you see something controversial on the media, feel free to talk about it and show interest in the various positions held by different people. Here you show your child that you are not a closed book when it comes to holding a position. You welcome conversation, you hold a position but you are prepared to listen to others.

• We all think we are wise about matters. After all, we have age and experience behind us. However, we are often not as wise as we think we are, but we can be very wise if we are prepared to occasionally reflect on new thoughts and change your understandings. This is a powerful lesson to children. If we are prepared to reflect and occasionally change our opinions, we teach them about open mindedness and flexibility. It shows compassion and lack of arrogance.

• Talk about people that you admire who have learnt and changed opinions. Talk about the courage it took to make such a fundamental change to their thinking and perhaps living experience.

• By all means tell your child that for a range of reasons you have certain opinions that you believe are true and that you hold dearly. A child will know what those are generally. However, show them that you a listener and always open to hear the other point of view. Nothing is permanent. Life is always on the move. Circumstances change and society shifts with laws and opinions. You want your child to see all the variants and to keep healthy questioning going.

• Our prejudices are a liability. A child will soon learn that our opinions can be locked in time and may have no real place in current society. That is definitely not the case if they see how you are always questioning and that you are prepared to take on new information. They will respect your opinions if they know they come out of thought provoking questioning and probing.

‘Am I right here?’

‘Could I be wrong?’

‘What new information do I need to know?’

‘Is there more information that I have not read?’

This questioning implies that you are open to learn new information to inform your opinions. Perhaps you don’t have all the answers, but ongoing questioning can either further inform your opinions or change them.

For a child there is nothing more liberating than an open minded parent. They need such a refreshing environment when growing through so much change in their life.

‘Try being informed rather than opinionated.’

-Anonymous

The use of good language around our children

One of the greatest tools we have in working and supporting our children is our language. It is such a powerful tool that can change relationships, build stronger relationships and can strengthen personal self-esteem. As a parent, you have the opportunity to encourage good language and to teach your child that using the very best language is a very empowering part of life.

As a child grows, their language will gradually increase and with your assistance, it can reach new heights. This means that as a parent when you speak to your child, you can gradually increase vocabulary that they will learn and enjoy using. Let them experiment with new words. It’s fun!- For example, try replacing words like ‘nice’ with more descriptive adjectives. This highlights your conversation more sharply and your child learns to use better words that describe a situation better.

In some classrooms, I have seen teachers leave a column on the board where they build on vocabulary across the week. It is amazing how it catches on and children start using more interesting language and this takes them up a notch in feeling self-assured. People notice when a child demonstrates good articulation.

Another great trick teachers use is to invite children to build a vocabulary bank and use those words in their writing. All strategies help.

Teachers would sometimes introduce a new word for the day and children had to find ways of using that word in their work and conversation.

Here are some ideas that can support your work in building a child’s vocabulary:

• Instead of playing ‘I spy’ in the car, try playing ‘I spy something that is……….’ and use interesting vocab to describe it.

• Some families set up a vocab bank on their fridge where words are added that are interesting throughout the week.

• When you are describing something to your child, think about the words you are using and occasionally throw in a new word.

‘I bought some croissants. They smell so delicious and fresh.’

• When reading to your child, talk about some of the words used to describe situations, people etc. Invite them to think of other descriptive words for the characters.

• When your child writes a story, challenge them to introduce one or two new words that make the story more interesting.

• Playing around with google can be interesting where you can show your child the various words that can replace just one word.

• A game such as scrabble can be fun as you are exposing your child to new words.

• Play word games. There are many available in game stores and these can also provide hours of entertainment.

• Remember that learning new creative words should be fun and spontaneous. The more the child relaxes and experiments with words the greater confidence they will gain in using them both in speech and in writing.

• Reading books is a natural way of increasing one’s vocabulary. Leave plenty of books around at home for the children to pick up.

Increasing one’s ability to express themselves well will naturally present an attractive manner to others and who knows where and with whom it takes you.

‘Words are in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic.’

                                                 -J K Rowling’s character, Dumbledore

Getting back on track after a damage to the relationship with your child

We all go through cycles, from being strong and happy in our relationship, to needing some damage control. Given our human frailty, we often make mistakes. We can become tired and less able-bodied in giving the right response at the right time. Our children are also human and may react in ways that we find unusual or confusing. This can be driven by fatigue, anxiety, misunderstanding etc. Our human condition reminds us that being in a perfect relationship is not the case all the time.

What we need to develop are some skills that help us recover from the damage and move on quickly. The last thing we want is prolonged silences or continued poor behaviour which can escalate quickly.

 Consider:

• We cannot always be prepared but keep the value of silence up your sleeve. In other words, when an incident happens and your readiness to respond is not there, try walking away, delaying the conversation. Quick unprepared responses can create more damage. Silence does not add to the problem. Of course, prolonged silences do.

• If an incident has occurred have some suitable words ready.

‘I can see that you are not happy by your behaviours, we need to sit down and talk about it.’

Best to do this than to react to the poor behaviour

• When in discussion about the breakdown, be in a calm space. If you are agitated the child will pick up the vibes and be more resistant.

• Have the discussion at a time that suits you and in an environment without noise and interruption from other family members. It does not take much to unsettle such situations.

• For a very young child, it is more about a tantrum, speak softly and approach it using words that are gentle and do not sound too intimidating.

• If after the discussion there are some consequences, try to involve your child in making a decision about how those consequences should be. Make it a negotiation.

• Timing is everything. Teachers are very skilled in choosing their time to talk to children when damage has occurred, sometimes the wait makes for a better result.

• Remember that when a breakdown occurs, both yourself and your child feel poorly. Never underestimate that even though they appear angry, they are feeling the loss and trust of the relationship which they need.

• After there is reparation, keep the mood positive and make sure that you have moved on. Carrying residual anger or disappointment can only further damage the relationship and delay healing.

 Finally, keep in mind that no matter how sad or disappointed you feel about the breakdown, you are dealing with a child’s problem. Keep things into perspective so that life goes on, both you and your child are happy and peace in your relationship continues.

‘The wound is not my fault. But the healing is my responsibility.’

-Marianne Williamson

Learning about being responsible

As an adult, we understand why responsibility is such an important part of our makeup. Without it, as an adult, we cannot survive. We learn also over time that different responsibilities come our way and this challenges us in new and sometimes difficult ways. I always remember bringing our first child home from the hospital and thinking, how can I look after this little individual? I don’t have the skills. Fortunately, she survived and I learnt quickly. This is how developing new and challenging responsibilities comes our way.

For a child, it is all about learning that responsibilities are actually important and that this may mean some sacrifice, compromise, etc. It is about learning that responsibilities must be understood and followed through with and there is often regularity to responsibilities. All of these learned traits take a while for children to grasp. I am sure you have had some issues with getting your child to take on and keep up with responsibilities. It just takes time and perseverance.

Teachers will automatically assign responsibilities to their class so that the classroom functions well. They can be rotating duties or they can have a responsibility for the whole year. These responsibilities work well because the child learns that they are accountable to others for their actions.

Here are some thoughts on helping your child learn responsibility.

• Firstly, take care that if you give your child a job, they follow it through. Don’t finish the job for them as this teaches them that responsibilities are not genuine. Show them that it is a satisfying thing to finish a job yourself.

• A child having a pet is a great responsibility and one that cannot be part-time. If you take this on, make sure your child is mature enough to take on this responsibility.

• Talk about all your responsibilities and how you work through them during the week. Maybe there are some that are short term and others, long term, (like being a parent).

• Before your child takes on a responsibility make sure they understand its length and breadth. Often younger children do not have a sense of time and become overwhelmed or disengage earlier. The responsibility should be age appropriate and should have the satisfaction of completion.

• Take care when a child shows an interest in a sport such as tennis lessons, gymnastics etc. can they see the term through, finishing halfway is not honouring the responsibility to the program.

• Always affirm your child when they complete their responsibilities. They need to know that it is a job well done and has impact on others in the family.

• As a family, plan weekly chores and at the end of the week thank your child for their completion. Jobs such as setting the table, putting bins out, putting toys away etc. are all responsibilities that need attention.

• Teaching your child that they own the responsibility is important. They need to know that others rely on their actions and without the job done others are affected. This is why it is important that they complete the task even if it means some inconvenience on your part.

• If a child is irresponsible, try not to be simply angry and disappointed. Sit them down and listen to why they could not complete the task. Give them the opportunity to explain. Perhaps it was too much, perhaps they did not realise its importance etc.

Finally, build into your teaching about the responsibility that if they fail the child learns to blame no one else but comes to accept responsibility themselves. This is quite a mature concept but one to work towards. This is all about building strong foundations in emotional intelligence.

“It is not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves. That will make them successful individuals.’

-Ann Landers

Children can start thinking about bringing Christmas cheer to others

So many things to do and so many things to think about, plan for and to do before Christmas. With the children getting ready to leave school for the year, how about turning their heads to positive thoughts about sending good wishes to others? This is the season where gratitude and empathy are strong emotions that come out in our thoughts about people. It is a wonderful opportunity to build relationships, reconnect with others, build bridges and reconcile old wounds. It is a time to teach our children how to be the best at Christmas time and to see the best in others.

Consider:

• Invite your child to think about who they want to thank for all their help over the year. Invite them to make a list and reflect on how others have been instrumental in supporting them. Talk about how they could thank them. Some may be verbally thanked, others may receive a card etc.

• This is a great time for craft activities. Give the children polystyrene balls to let them create their own Christmas ball for the tree. This ball should be relevant to 2022 and tell a story about how the year has been for them. Making decorations for the tree has endless possibilities.

• Invite your child to keep a journal, this can be like a pre-Christmas calendar, only each day talks about something that has happened leading us happily to Christmas. It could be simply writing in:‘Today, December 1st I hugged my best friend.’ Each day has a happy statement about making Christmas a positive experience. It can be simple, but have a punch.

• Talk to your child about how you will thank their teacher and discuss what you want to say. Point out that it is about how their teacher has helped them throughout the year.

• Gift giving can be great, but it can get out of hand. Can some of these gifts be simple objects like scented candles that come with a message? Children need to learn that the size of the gift is not as important as the words on the card. Perhaps the card can be made by the child. Sometimes just a simple visit and a thank you is all you need to do.

• How about talking to your child about visiting family or friends not seen for a while? Invite them to think about who that would be. This is about inviting them to reflect on the less noticed and bringing them into the fold. Stepping outside our comfort zones is all about the Christmas spirit lived.

• There are many charities around at this time of the year. Could it be a time for your child to clear out their old toys and unused games? They could take them to one of the Christmas donation centres as part of their annual Christmas clear out.

• There are Christmas trees around town, set up to donate a gift to a child disadvantaged. Is it possible that your child buys a small gift using their pocket money? Let them reflect on giving to others less fortunate. This is called compassion.

• Class teachers in the last few weeks talk about the spirit of giving and sometimes school or the classroom takes a focus at Christmas. Is this something you can be part of as well as the family preparations for Christmas? Take part in school concerts class, Christmas lunches etc. Bring the season to life in many ways.

• Families will have many traditions over this time and it is important that those rituals are kept. Whatever your ritual consider the possibility of being a little more inclusive. This shows your child that you are inclusive and want the spirit of Christmas to be an open, not a closed environment.

• Remember, Christmas is a warm and happy time. When planning all the busy activities, try to let your child see the joy in the preparation and not the burden. It can be tiring but part of the joy is the anticipation and the waiting. After all, Father Christmas is coming! 

There is so much to think about at Christmas time and it is easy to simply follow the usual patterns. Make this Christmas a little different by introducing some new element that lifts the spirit and highlights the uniqueness and opportunities in each new Christmas. Do this with your child so that they see that being creative, enriches each year with a new spirit of the season and a new direction.

                  ‘Christmas isn’t a season, it’s a feeling.’

                                                                               -Edna Ferber

Slow down and gain more time. It makes for better parenting and personal growth

There are so many varied reasons why slowing down is almost impossible when living a busy life as a parent etc. However, should you learn some skills to slow down, who knows, you may regain some precious parent or personal time. In small ways, it may be possible to reclaim some time and to enjoy your child just a little bit more. Childhood moves quickly and soon we will be looking back and wondering where did the years go, did I parent well? What did I miss?

The following thoughts may trigger some thinking for yourself in finding strategies that can simply help slow you down a little to smell the roses with your child:

• When feeling stressed, take your mind to a place where you were very happy. Think about it for a while and you will be surprised how it eases some tension.

• Think about the pace that you keep. If others demand more of you, consider if that it’s fair and reasonable. Why should I change my pace which works for me? Everything has their pace in life. Be comfortable with yours.

• Take little moments of time out. Step into the yard, look at the flowers or simply enjoy the breeze. Those moments are great to reduce moments of stress.

• Try not to over plan. Leave some space, just for space itself. It certainly is easy to fill, but question is that really necessary?

• Your children are a great source of learning for you. The more you play with them, the more you become relaxed in their company. Allow it to just happen and enjoy the moment.

• Physical exercise is such a stress breaker. Even simply walking is life giving and takes your mind in fresher and healthier directions. Choose physical exercise that suits you.

• When we worry about something it can consume us. Let me ask you….. can you just let it go? Does worrying improve the situation? Do things change for the better when you worry? When you have those feelings simply look to your child. They are a warm, happy feeling.

• Are there some times when you can just stop the business and rest. Turn down the lights a little and reduce the pace. It can feel better because there is less.

• Some people like being busy with their hands and finding creative things to do. Giving time to chat with friends is a great stress buster. What do you like to do that makes you happy?

• Is it possible to give your self a full day off? How about half a day? Find a little more time for yourself not to do busy things but to enjoy yourself in your own space.

• Sometimes doing less and focusing on doing those things really well gives us more satisfaction. Being busy and doing more is a formula for lack of satisfaction in all areas.

• Are you tired from lots of talk? Busy conversations can be tiring and it is healthy to rest from talking. Maybe you can find some time to talk less, listen to music, walk etc.

• Think about two or three things that give you pleasure. Can you spend more time around those things. Be generous to yourself. Everyone likes a massage, but we can massage our sense of well being by having more of what makes us happy.

• Parents develop excellent skills in feeling guilty if they put themselves forward. This can be so destructive to well being, which after all, needs to be strong and constant to be an effective parent. Your personal well being is essential.

Finally, your child wants you well and happy. They become quite anxious when they see you unsettled and under pressure. They need to understand that your needs should be nurtured and that being a parent is balancing act between focusing on family and looking after yourself. That way everyone learns and benefits all round.

          ‘The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one                                             thought over another.’

                                                                                  -William James

What to think about at this stage of the school year

Everyone is starting to feel the weariness of a long school year. The talk is out and about that the school year is coming to an end and what surprises will this bring to the school? There is a growing sense of anticipation about finishing and also this brings anxious thoughts about change and what will it mean to me.

Perhaps you the parent have had some unsettling moments at the school this year and you feel in yourself the desire to bring it all to a close, which is natural.. For a child, this is a time to think about what they want to hang onto and what they want to let go. Mixed messages and emotions can run high.

The following thoughts may help you plan a little better with your child in getting ready for the school closure:

• Remember that a child will become anxious about losing friends to another class. This is an excellent opportunity to talk to them about establishing new networks and building on current friendships.

• Teachers will plan the classes based on many factors, but I always have faith in their mature ability to put the best in place. This may cause some emotional challenges for your child, but try to let the school make these decisions as attempting to influence who your child associates with are thwart with problems. Growth happens often with the child meeting new friends and learning new ways to communicate.

• Talk about change as a positive thing and as a family, talk about all the positive experiences that come from change. I was always fascinated when new children started at the school throughout the year. In most cases they not only found friends quickly, but actually blossomed under new structures and rules. Our children are more flexible than sometimes we give them credit.

• Teachers will discuss and ask your child who they would like to be placed with in the new year. This is a great conversation to have at home. A great way to talk about how change can be exciting at a social level. It also touches on who they think is the best person that helps them keep focussed. This may not always be their best friend.

• If your child is starting to get anxious about the change, have a chat with their teacher. They do great work in this area to help children adjust to change.

• If your teacher has had strong bonds with their teacher, letting them go can be hard. However, talk about that teacher’s strengths and what you look forward to in the next teacher. Positive talk is the key here.

• Saying goodbyes well is an important art to teach our children. Discuss how your child will say goodbye for the year and how they will express themselves when they say goodbye. This is a great chance to talk about manners and to reflect on all the generous support given to your child over the year. Let them create positive and effective ways to say goodbye and thank you. There will be many small occasions to think about where someone helped your child during the year.

• As it is a time for closure, ask your child to be responsible and bring home all that is necessary. Let them be responsible for keeping you in the loop about school events etc. Their ownership here is so important.

• Try not to have days where school is skipped because everything is winding down and not being in attendance doesn’t matter. Bring the school year to a glorious closure, where your child’s attendance is seen as important and a statement about the total value of school. This teaches your child about the responsibility of regularity.

Above all, enjoy the closing weeks of school and together, as a family, discuss and celebrate all the highs and lows that are a natural part of school life. Maybe there are some reflections on things that your child will change in the new year? This leads to great discussions about self-improvement, setting goals etc. Whilst they are important, so too is the approaching feeling of warm, summer days and rest for all the family.

‘Don’t cry because it’s over.

Smile because it happened.’

                                                                -Dr Seuss

Keeping the stress level down is a great asset as a parent

Have you noticed that parenting, being an active person and managing a family can be stressful? Stress is a very natural part of everyone’s life.

Here’s the thing! You will be a more effective parent if you can learn to lessen the stress that can so easily creep into your life. Also, you will feel happier, which is such an important component in the business of being a parent. Your body is not meant to be on alert in a constant crisis mode, as unrelieved stress can impair so much of your faculties.

Think about how the following skills which can be gradually learnt or built into your daily routine. At the very least understand them as common factors that can increase stress levels.

Consider:

• Are you quick to respond to stress? Do your reactions to stressful situations increase or reduce your feelings of well-being? Is it best to remove yourself from some situations to reduce the stress in your life? Sometimes it’s best to read the signs and walk away from such situations leaving yourself in control.

• Are you a person that is always in a rush? Is that rush all about succeeding, doing the right thing or just trying to be in control? Remember, too much rush can mean you stop listening and miss the best part of life.

• Are you inclined to make issues bigger than they are? Easily done when gossip and unhealthy discussion is around. Try to put things into proportion. In time, everything passes and all will be well.

• Are you inclined to be a perfectionist? Striving for perfection is exhausting and never satisfying especially around children. Start to accept and appreciate that life is all about ups and downs and this is normal.

• When there are anxious times do you need to handle them on your own? Try asking for help and building confidence to ask for the help you need. You do not need to fight battles on your own.

• When you are compassionate, you are more aware and sensitive of others. This can lower your feelings of stress. Feelings of compassion and gratitude take you into a more gentle and appreciative framework.

• Recognise the negative self-talk which can creep up when feeling poorly. This is especially the case when you are feeling tired. Keep feeding yourself positive “I” Statements.

‘I am really good at….’

‘I am talented at…..’

‘People like my….’

Focus on how you are an achiever.

You don’t need everyone’s approval nor do you need to please everyone. Take care to understand why you feel tired trying to please everyone.

• It’s a well known support for stress but it works. When feeling anxious simply take slow deep breaths. Allow the time and feel stronger from the silence and pace of the breathing.

• Mindfulness is all about savouring the goodness of the moment. A focus on this can distract from the moment of anxiety.

• Be mindful that you need to create some personal interruption free time. This gives you time to simply catch up.

• Try physical exercise on a regular basis. Simply walking daily is so therapeutic.

• Do something creative for yourself each day. Your spirit is lifted when being creative.

• Take a walk into nature. Feel the wind. It lifts the spirit. Keep nature close at hand. It’s such a friend to the spirit.

• Humour is a great healer. Find laughter and humour in your daily experiences.

 These are all ideas to help you work on reducing stress. Your child will quickly recognise you are working to control stress to be a happier person. This is all good modelling. Remember we are human and our best efforts as parents are to provide a model of a parent working towards feeling and being better.

9 Tips about how to help your child love learning

The whole learning process for our children can be considered without a doubt, a family affair. Research over many years tells us that the more parents are interested and show an inquiring attitude to their child’s learning, the more successful the learner. You are after all the child’s first teacher. From infancy through to young adulthood, your child will depend on you physically, emotionally and socially. Challenges will come their way but you still remain a primary source for their learning and developing a passion for learning.

On many levels, you set the stage for understanding the value and richness of learning. Sounds like a tall order, but your work is done slowly and steadily over the years. It is not an overnight job and the more you take it on as a serious part of your role, the more likely the child will be engaged in their learning from a younger age.

Here are some simple tips that help us along the way from infancy through to well…. Adulthood:

1. Establishing a daily routine is important. Build it into all the expectations of the day and understand what school requirements are to be considered in your plan. Setting up a routine includes providing a quiet spot for them to learn at home. Consider the background noise issues, lighting and of course interruptions like younger siblings.

2. Regular conversations about school each day can keep the dialogue going in a positive way about what was learnt, achieved or found interesting. Remember this is not about an inquisition into the school day, but a gentle interest in what the child learnt or did in their time. Sometimes you may get a response, sometimes that may not happen.

3. Set tasks for your child that are manageable and within reasons. You can help them set goals in doing jobs at home. Also help them balance their homework time, play time and reading time. Teach them that the more they plan and balance their time, the happier they will be. Point out that by being organised, they get the recreation and play time that they want and deserve.

4. A most important aid in helping your child become a true learner is the modelling you give them. By your example such as reading, writing or being active in a range of learning activities, the child sees that this is the way to go. When you play as a family be intuitive and choose activities, games etc. that have a learning component to them, but at the same time they are fun. Learning to link fun and joy is the best way forward for a child. Also be an inquirer. Teach your child that asking questions is important. Have various ways of seeking information through books internet, conversations etc.

5. Set high expectations for your child, but make them achievable. A child needs to feel inspirational, but not have unreal expectations placed on them. Be proud of their efforts and affirm how hard they try to achieve their goals. ‘I am so impressed with all the effort you put into learning about elephants. You must have got so much good information.’

6. Be aware of their special talents and praise their uniqueness in all sorts of ways. Every child has unique gifts. Spell them out often.

7. Be proud to show their work to other members of the family. Learning is about a celebration of knowledge and achievements in many forms. We demonstrate that all learning should be boldly acknowledged.

8. Encourage overall development. This can be through their physical efforts, intellectual efforts, artistic endeavours etc. Show your child that there are many ways of achieving success in learning and you recognise so many of them in your child.

9. Be a connector with the school. This shows your child that you value their learning space throughout the day. Connect to libraries, take your child to museums, places where creativity and adventure are alive. Keep an eye out for opportunities that introduce new concepts and open their minds in different ways. Show your child that you enjoy discovering new ways of seeing and understanding the world.

Finally, the learning process over the years is slow and steady. At times it will accelerate as different teachers and circumstances excite the imagination. Your role is to be the constant, everyday reminder that learning is an ongoing and life-giving experience. It is a growth that keeps developing all your life if the foundations teach you well. Be the ever-present learner in the life of your child.

                        ‘Once you stop learning you start dying.’

                                                                                -Albert Einstein