What to think about at this stage of the school year
This school year is coming to an end. Here are some parenting suggestions to prepare and positively embrace change with your child.
Everyone is starting to feel the weariness of a long school year. The talk is out and about that the school year is coming to an end and what surprises will this bring to the school? There is a growing sense of anticipation about finishing and also this brings anxious thoughts about change and what will it mean to me.
Perhaps you the parent have had some unsettling moments at the school this year and you feel in yourself the desire to bring it all to a close, which is natural.. For a child, this is a time to think about what they want to hang onto and what they want to let go. Mixed messages and emotions can run high.
The following thoughts may help you plan a little better with your child in getting ready for the school closure:
Remember that a child will become anxious about losing friends to another class. This is an excellent opportunity to talk to them about establishing new networks and building on current friendships.
Teachers will plan the classes based on many factors, but I always have faith in their mature ability to put the best in place. This may cause some emotional challenges for your child, but try to let the school make these decisions as attempting to influence who your child associates with are thwart with problems. Growth happens often with the child meeting new friends and learning new ways to communicate.
Talk about change as a positive thing and as a family, talk about all the positive experiences that come from change. I was always fascinated when new children started at the school throughout the year. In most cases they not only found friends quickly, but actually blossomed under new structures and rules. Our children are more flexible than sometimes we give them credit.
Teachers will discuss and ask your child who they would like to be placed with in the new year. This is a great conversation to have at home. A great way to talk about how change can be exciting at a social level. It also touches on who they think is the best person that helps them keep focussed. This may not always be their best friend.
If your child is starting to get anxious about the change, have a chat with their teacher. They do great work in this area to help children adjust to change.
If your teacher has had strong bonds with their teacher, letting them go can be hard. However, talk about that teacher’s strengths and what you look forward to in the next teacher. Positive talk is the key here.
Saying goodbyes well is an important art to teach our children. Discuss how your child will say goodbye for the year and how they will express themselves when they say goodbye. This is a great chance to talk about manners and to reflect on all the generous support given to your child over the year. Let them create positive and effective ways to say goodbye and thank you. There will be many small occasions to think about where someone helped your child during the year.
As it is a time for closure, ask your child to be responsible and bring home all that is necessary. Let them be responsible for keeping you in the loop about school events etc. Their ownership here is so important.
Try not to have days where school is skipped because everything is winding down and not being in attendance doesn’t matter. Bring the school year to a glorious closure, where your child’s attendance is seen as important and a statement about the total value of school. This teaches your child about the responsibility of regularity.
Above all, enjoy the closing weeks of school and together, as a family, discuss and celebrate all the highs and lows that are a natural part of school life. Maybe there are some reflections on things that your child will change in the new year? This leads to great discussions about self-improvement, setting goals etc. Whilst they are important, so too is the approaching feeling of warm, summer days and rest for all the family.
‘Don’t cry because it’s over.
Smile because it happened.’
-Dr Seuss
9 Tips about how to help your child love learning
Learning is a crucial part of life and the development of a child. Here are nine simple parenting tips which may encourage learning for your child.
The whole learning process for our children can be considered without a doubt, a family affair. Research over many years tells us that the more parents are interested and show an inquiring attitude to their child’s learning, the more successful the learner. You are after all the child’s first teacher. From infancy through to young adulthood, your child will depend on you physically, emotionally and socially. Challenges will come their way but you still remain a primary source for their learning and developing a passion for learning.
On many levels, you set the stage for understanding the value and richness of learning. Sounds like a tall order, but your work is done slowly and steadily over the years. It is not an overnight job and the more you take it on as a serious part of your role, the more likely the child will be engaged in their learning from a younger age.
Here are some simple tips that help us along the way from infancy through to well…. Adulthood:
Establishing a daily routine is important. Build it into all the expectations of the day and understand what school requirements are to be considered in your plan. Setting up a routine includes providing a quiet spot for them to learn at home. Consider the background noise issues, lighting and of course interruptions like younger siblings.
Regular conversations about school each day can keep the dialogue going in a positive way about what was learnt, achieved or found interesting. Remember this is not about an inquisition into the school day, but a gentle interest in what the child learnt or did in their time. Sometimes you may get a response, sometimes that may not happen.
Set tasks for your child that are manageable and within reasons. You can help them set goals in doing jobs at home. Also help them balance their homework time, play time and reading time. Teach them that the more they plan and balance their time, the happier they will be. Point out that by being organised, they get the recreation and play time that they want and deserve.
A most important aid in helping your child become a true learner is the modelling you give them. By your example such as reading, writing or being active in a range of learning activities, the child sees that this is the way to go. When you play as a family be intuitive and choose activities, games etc. that have a learning component to them, but at the same time they are fun. Learning to link fun and joy is the best way forward for a child. Also be an inquirer. Teach your child that asking questions is important. Have various ways of seeking information through books internet, conversations etc.
Set high expectations for your child, but make them achievable. A child needs to feel inspirational, but not have unreal expectations placed on them. Be proud of their efforts and affirm how hard they try to achieve their goals. ‘I am so impressed with all the effort you put into learning about elephants. You must have got so much good information.’
Be aware of their special talents and praise their uniqueness in all sorts of ways. Every child has unique gifts. Spell them out often.
Be proud to show their work to other members of the family. Learning is about a celebration of knowledge and achievements in many forms. We demonstrate that all learning should be boldly acknowledged.
Encourage overall development. This can be through their physical efforts, intellectual efforts, artistic endeavours etc. Show your child that there are many ways of achieving success in learning and you recognise so many of them in your child.
Be a connector with the school. This shows your child that you value their learning space throughout the day. Connect to libraries, take your child to museums, places where creativity and adventure are alive. Keep an eye out for opportunities that introduce new concepts and open their minds in different ways. Show your child that you enjoy discovering new ways of seeing and understanding the world.
Finally, the learning process over the years is slow and steady. At times it will accelerate as different teachers and circumstances excite the imagination. Your role is to be the constant, everyday reminder that learning is an ongoing and life-giving experience. It is a growth that keeps developing all your life if the foundations teach you well. Be the ever-present learner in the life of your child.
‘Once you stop learning you start dying.’
-Albert Einstein
Choose your battles. That’s the best win.
When raising a child, it is important you pick your battles wisely. Read some parenting tips you may find helpful in these situations.
Sometimes being right is not always the best outcome for the situation. Naturally, the feeling of being right can be overpowering and we feel compelled to set everything on the right curve. After all, if you know what’s right, you naturally want to do the right thing.
Actually, we need to think beyond that and realise that choosing your battles will actually empower you better, when working out issues with your children. Resistance comes fast and furious if you are the one with all the answers. Children learn to shut down, not listen and sometimes work in a rebellious way.
Knowing which battles to fight and which ones to leave is a powerful lesson.
Consider:
Is winning all the time teaching the child any lessons? Sometimes allowing them to decide even though mistakes are made is a great learning lesson. If your child thinks you are always right and have the answers, how will they ever learn themselves? Here the child becomes dependent on the parent and never seeks answers and solutions for themselves. This is a dangerous direction, leading to very poor self-esteem and I might add poor school performance.
By demonstrating to your child that you don’t have all the answers and sometimes you let things go, teaches your child the very human face that you present to them. It is a wise parent that sometimes lets things go.
Remember that some battles are quite insignificant. Consider whether or not it is important to win small victories. Often these are insignificant but can mount up if you are out to win all battles.
Children learn the art of avoidance very quickly if they have dominant parents that seem to know everything. It is much easier for them not to discuss matters with you. Silence, when used, is a great trick or developed skill. Your child will feel happier not going into battle over matters that they know they will lose. This sets a dangerous precedence and your child will seek out their needs elsewhere.
When a battle is brewing and you think it is important to bring up, go gently into active listening. Hear their concerns. Try to resolve the matter with some understanding of their needs. Negotiation is the best way forward and will lead to their confidence in approaching you again.
Think across a day, a week, a month etc. and try not to go into battle too often. It is habit-forming. Try walking away, counting to ten, practise some deep breathing. Find strategies that will reduce your anger and invite more reflection on whether it was worth the battle.
After you learn to be more intuitive with regard to what is worth the battle, you may find yourself relaxing more and not taking everything so seriously.
Finally, your relationship is not about the battles won but the battles that need to be avoided and the relationship that strengthens by less confrontation.
Some children will press your buttons more than others. Think about what is the driver in their behaviour that makes you so upset. Try to reflect on ways around that and it may be by counting to ten, breathing slowly or simply walking away. Quick reactions leading to control can only reduce your healthy relationship, so be alert to how your child interacts with you.
‘Choose your battles wisely because if you fight them all you’ll be too tired to win the really important ones’.
-The MindsJournal.com
Tiredness can be a killer at times
This blog provides helpful parenting tips when tiredness is affecting parent and child communication, read more.
This is just a brief reminder that tiredness can be an enemy in building relationships at times. When we are tired our capacity to think straight, our interest in doing things well and our ability to pay attention are down. When we are like this and more vulnerable, we are more inclined to damage and neglect relationships, which then leads to the need to recover and repair.
Teachers who are skilled in understanding their levels of tiredness choose to teach according to how they feel. I always remember coming to school one day with no voice! Not a sensible thing to do. The children then decided to have a silent day! Well, it worked, but in hindsight, I should have been at home resting. A teacher will redirect their planned work if they are not feeling up to the mark. This flexibility is a responsible way of managing your work and ensuring that your performance fits how you feel.
Consider:
When you are tired, debating issues with your child can be a lose/ lose scenario. Delay such a plan. Nobody wants to go into damage control if possible.
Being tired leaves you open to say things more loosely. It can also quicken your temper. Nobody wants to go into damage control while tired. Remember that things said take a while to unravel.
Do you really listen to everything with clarity when you are tired? Take care not to agree to certain matters while tired. You could regret that later. Children can be very clever in choosing their time!
Sometimes it is easier not to be too present with your child on that day when you are feeling tired. This is being proactive and avoiding conflictual situations. Are there others that can deal with the matter?
Your child may not understand that tiredness affects your judgement. This is especially the case with younger children. Tell them that when tired, it is not the best time to discuss important matters. Tiredness limits how you can best help them.
Sometimes our comprehension of situations can be dulled when tired. Try not to make important decisions with your child or final statements when not feeling ready.
Do not be too hard on yourself if you feel that you just can’t deal with your child’s issue at that time. You are human and respect the fact that you want to give the best to your child. Being tired is not the best time.
‘I am feeling a little tired now. Can we discuss that matter later today?’
The more you let your child understand how you feel, the more likely they will be to approach you when ready. After all, they also want the best from the conversation and especially to be really heard. They learn quickly to choose the best time to satisfy their needs.
‘The worst thing about being tired is the negative twist of perception’
-Rosamond Rice
How to motivate your child to learn
Motivating your child to learn can be quite challenging, here’s a few parenting tips on how to keep your child motivated to learn inside and outside of the classroom.
This can be a challenge for some children who can lose motivation at school and find the whole exercise of school just too much. They can develop a flight or fight mentality to escape school or simply disengage, which is such a frustrating and helpless experience for the family to understand. Merely encouraging them or advising them about the advantages of school does not make a great deal of difference. In fact the more we talk about it, the more they can feel a failure in your eyes and further reject school.
Consider the following ideas to help motivate a child about school:
• Develop at home an atmosphere where learning is seen as a good thing. Talk about how you learn and what you enjoy when you want to read a book etc. Keep reading alive at home as we know that being able to read is a key to being happy and successful at school. The process of learning to read helps keep the brain active in processing information and communication. A child who reads will have less problems being motivated at school. Reading excites the imagination and keeps the interest high in learning.
• Encourage your child to be independent in their learning. Try not to put controls on them or limit what they must learn. We now know that children learn in all different ways and this creative process should be encouraged. Give them choices and affirm what they choose to learn. A motivated child will always want to follow their passions.
• Keep the conversations going and keep them frequent. Make them positive and full of reassurance and confidence in their efforts. Listen to their opinions and applaud creative thinking. A child needs to feel that how they learn has value and that what they have to say is important. They may challenge you in the way they think but that is OK!
• Notice the uniqueness of your child and home in on their interests. Sometimes their passions and interests last a short while, sometimes they last forever. Either way, your child needs to be supported in those interests and made to feel that their passions are powerful and valued. Help them to discover more about their passions. Perhaps if fishing is their interest go to the library together and collect books on fishing.
• All children learn differently. Any teacher will tell you this. Don't be critical of their learning style. Allow them to discover their best way of learning. When we force their hand at changing how they learn, this can destroy a child’s confidence and they can begin to doubt their ability to learn.
• Consider sharing games together. They are a great family activity but also reinforce that learning is a successful tool in playing games. A child works out that to be successful at the game they should try harder and understand more.
• Remember that the process of learning is what is important. Reward and acknowledge the effort, not the outcome. Remember that a child looks for your approval and is more motivated by your acceptance of their efforts rather than how they were successful. If absolute success is your goal, a child will become anxious about rising to meet that challenge. This is where disengagement can happen.
• Every child has strengths. It is easy for us to see our weaknesses and so important for a child to feel success through their strengths. Teachers are very good at picking up on this in class and will focus on a child’s strength to give them reassurance that they can easily learn. It also makes children less anxious about their weaknesses. This also teaches a child that failure is part of life and that we use it as a means to learn. Focusing on their weakness only shrouds them in a sense of failure and disengagement from school is not far away.
• Be a learner yourself and use opportunities around you to engage your child in learning. This is about developing an inquiring mind. Learning is catchy and your child will see you as someone helping them to develop an inquiring mind and to be curious about all sorts of things.
• Children can from time to time lose some motivation at school.
Remember they are children and may need time to simply rest a little from formal learning. Your teacher has an excellent knowledge on how your child learns and I would recommend you speak to them when motivation drops off.
‘There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly
-Buckskin Fuller
How to get the best from your child’s teacher
It makes sense that as a parent you feel confident and that you are in a solid relationship with your child’s teacher. It is important to your teacher, and child also. There are many factors that go into running a school and teaching. Parents are naturally emotional when it comes to their children, so if you have any concerns, you’ll have a better chance of being heard when you are calm and responsibly talk about concerns with your child’s teacher.
We all know that building a strong relationship with your child’s teacher is the best way to support your child across a long school year. The teacher has five hours a day across forty weeks with your child and this is such a critical time in their development, physically, socially, emotionally and intellectually. It, therefore, makes sense that as a parent you feel confident and that you are in a solid relationship with your child’s teacher.
Here are some important messages that will help build and ensure you maintain that relationship:
Consider:
Firstly, the teacher needs to feel that they are respected for their work. In today’s world of high order criticism, teachers are easy targets and yet their work and contribution to the life of children is vitally important.
Let your teacher know that you respect the pressure they are under as teachers are accountable to higher authorities, policy documents, etc. Sometimes decisions made are out of their hands can be confusing and misleading for some parents.
Take care that when you are unsettled about some matter concerning your child at school do not talk about it unfavourably in front of the child. Talk to your teacher first. Children can get very confused when they hear parents being critical of their teacher with whom they build so much trust and respect.
Keep an eye out for notes, emails etc that come from the school. The better you are informed, the happier your child is that you are valuing their school life. Schools are big informers so keep an eye out for regular correspondence.
From time to time your child’s teacher may call you up to discuss disciplinary action for your child. Listen carefully to what they have to say and do not react in a way that down plays the teacher’s action. Have a mature discussion about the matter and try to support the teacher’s actions. This is certainly a way of showing respect for them.
Family situations keep changing. Make sure that you keep the teacher abreast of any new information that may affect the child’s school. Teachers are quick to pick up an emotional change in the child. Sometimes they may approach you with concerns.
When you do have an issue always show respect for the teacher and talk to them first. Going to the Principal first only complicates the matter as the principal will talk to the teacher and generally refer the issue back to them.
If you are unhappy with school policies, rules and regulations remember that these have not come from your teacher. They come from Parent Bodies, Education Department rules and the whole school staff. Best to talk to the Principal when concerned rather than thrashing out the issue with the teacher. Their role is specifically the teaching and care of your child.
Take care not to write long winded emails to your teacher. Often what you need to say can be said simply or spoken to the teacher. Emails should be written with care and not used as a vehicle to be offensive. This may sound harsh but sadly I have seen many such emails which have only led to deterioration of relationship with teacher and school. Parents have a better chance of being heard when they are calm and responsibly talk about their concerns. This is also an important example to give our children.
Finally, there is so much enjoyment for a parent to be happily engaged with the school. Also your child feels more content when they see how interested and involved you are in their school life. In my experience, parental support is a driving force for all the staff and school community. Everyone benefits.
‘Schools are great places for all the family’
-Gail Smith
Developing the two halves of our brain.
Read here for tips to help develop both sides of your child’s brain.
Both sides need good interconnection to think well.
If your child is actively engaged in sports that is a wonderful beginning to balancing both sides of the brain. We are born with this amazing computer but as a muscle we need to give it considerable exercise. Neuroscientists have found that the two sides of the brain are engaged at the same time. Left brain people focus on logical and clear thinking. They are drawn to order and structure being analytical and focusing on accuracy. If your child is right brain focused, it is more about creativity, emotions and aesthetics, intuition and thoughtfulness. They are your sensitive children.
Think about your child for a moment. Can you see some aptitude in other direction? The trick is to balance both sides giving the individual a chance to develop greater potential in their thinking and processing.
It is natural to drift back to what you are most comfortable with and this can easily happen when a child does a project, writes stories, plays games etc. A child who loves order and takes pride in having everything clearly laid out, can sometimes become anxious when taking risks. Often they don’t like failure and become anxious when they are not prepared.
On the other hand, children who are very creative can be far too sensitive and not cope with criticism and become quite unsettled when people challenge them. In reality, we can probably see both elements in our child from time to time, but nonetheless, it is worthwhile encouraging your child to work on balance.
Consider:
Try to practice reading at different speeds and putting emphasis on different words to create different feelings about the story.
Play ball games where children use both hands for catching or change the rules to encourage different ways to think through the game.
When a child creatively writes a story invite them to itemise the main concepts.
Involve your child in learning a craft that requires change and pattern building. Activities such as knitting, sewing, sculpture etc. are wonderful for learning order and design. Simply reading a pattern requires thinking on a deeper level.
I know how creative Lego is but it could be used to think through different ways to be creative and not just building structures. Challenging the thinking in this area really gets the brain working.
Cooking and improving recipes is another great way of challenging the thinking process.
It can be as simple as having a conversation about how the practice went and then ask your child to suggest strategies that would improve the game.
Leave lists of tasks to be done on the fridge. They are to be marked off when done. Sometimes vary the lists and invite your child to draw up their own or rewrite amended lists.
When visiting good games shops you will find quite a variety of games that challenge the child to be creative and at the same time think logically. Spend some time perusing these games as they can be great family fun and really stretch the thinking in different ways.
Highly sensitive children can be more emotional. You may need to spend more time with them conditioning them to think about positive thoughts when they become overwhelmed by issues. They will need to learn strategies to help them overcome sensitive feelings.
Teachers know to change the look of the classroom around to stimulate different thinking and to challenge the children with questioning and memory.
These exercises are illustrations of developing a balance and recognising that at times you need to refocus your child when the emphasis lies too heavily on one side of the brain. The more children exercise their thinking in various ways the greater capacity they have to learn and accept challenges that come their way.
‘When you want new results, it requires new thinking.’ -Richard Brandler
11 ways to help your child become settled and have the best opportunities at school
Read here for 11 ways to help your child become settled and have the best opportunities at school.
Always trust the school. If you have doubts those doubts will translate into concerns for your child very quickly. If you have concerns talk to the school but take care about how your child interprets your concerns.
Be diligent in checking notes sent home which are mostly electronic noways but it is most important to attend parent nights. Of course, parent-teacher interviews are a must.
Be available to help the school in various ways. This can be a simple as manning a stand at Fair time through to being on the school board. You learn so much more by connecting to the school this way.
Support homework expectations. This does not mean doing the homework but providing a climate at home that enables the child to do their homework. If they have significant difficulty contact the teacher as homework is the responsibility of the teacher who set it.
When your child leaves for school in the morning ensure they are ready mentally and physically. Have they had enough sleep, eaten a good breakfast and left without emotionally unresolved matters to deal with at home? Are they walking to school, riding etc? A child ready for school makes a great deal of difference in their day’s effectiveness.
At home demonstrate how organisation is important. Keep the balance right. A child that lives around structure and routine will have a better balanced week and feel more in charge of what they are doing. This also includes checking on after-school activities that need to be balanced with sleep, homework, play etc.
By reading the school’s website you become more familiar with all the rules and regulations. This is helpful especially when an incident occurs and you need to understand how the school plans to handle the matter. Staff are regularly in serviced on their policies and procedures and when dealing with children will refer to them regularly.
Keep the conversation of school alive throughout the week. Children need to see that you value their school experiences and it flows into the family psyche. Positive family talk around the richness of school life and its influences on a child’s life, should be the order of the day.
Keep the home environment alive with learning material around the house. Demonstrate that books are available and in sight. Leave school notes on fridge and use dinner time as a chance to talk about the day at school.
Demonstrate to your child that you are proud of their school and impressed with how it helps your child learn. Talk out loud to others in front of your child about the school and the teachers. All positive of course. This builds reassurance for the child that they are in the right place and much valued by you, the parent.
Finally, be in touch regularly with your child’s teacher. In this way communication channels are always wide open and having a relationship with the teachers gives you more opportunities to be in touch with everyday matters.
‘The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you.’ B.B.King
Children who find school a struggle
Many children have times when they feel they are struggling not just with school but also with friends, home issues, siblings, etc. Children can and do have down times. If your child is struggling, read here for some tips.
Many children have times when they feel they are struggling not just with school but also with friends, home issues, siblings, etc. Children can and do have down times. It’s natural. Also there are some children who really find the process of school difficult academically and socially. There are many shades in between but it is reasonable to say that most children will have some struggles along the way. A proportion of this is acceptable, but when it gets out of hand it is necessary to intervene but effectively.
Consider:
If your child has outbursts of frustration then these must just happen. Sometimes frustration comes out through poor behaviour, moodiness, etc., but these feelings need to be expelled. It is their way of letting you know how poor they feel and they want you to have that same feeling. Best to let it happen and gently talk to them:
‘Seems like you have something on your mind. You are so upset.’
Here you are giving them a chance to simply talk about the matter. You are not asking the question, why?
Creating space when tension builds is a great vehicle for a child letting off steam and it gives you the parent a chance to process what has just happened with the outburst. Many a time in the classroom, when tension was building up, we all went out for a quick run on the oval. It was an amazing way to break from the stress and it set the scene for a new direction. Fresh air and a quick walk can make all the difference for all parties concerned.
After a child becomes reactive you cannot go straight into conversations, trying to make sense of what has happened. They are simply not listening at that point and probably will not hear the logic of what you are saying. In our best interest we want to understand the behaviour but think about yourself after you have been quite upset, do you hear what people are saying to you? The same happens after shocks. That immediate follow up time is a time when listening is non existent.
There is a tendency to naturally help our children excessively especially when we see them struggling. Whilst your assistance is needed and valued it, should be tempered with the child learning about failure and accepting that we learn through failure. However, a child must have feelings of success along the way. So I appreciate the care and balance you make as a caring parent when helping your child.
Keep the school close to you. They are the key figures in formal learning for the child. They set homework and should take responsibility if it is too much for the child. Homework is very secondary as a learning tool and should not come between you and the child. Remember you are not the arbitrator of what the child learns. You are the loving parent giving reassurance.
Helping your child put organisation into their life is a great way of supporting their learning. Many children can get overwhelmed by the school’s expectations and if you gently assist in helping them plan out the week this can reduce pressure.
If you have a child inclined to build anxiety quickly then consider slowing down the expectations for the week. Tailor those expectations to suit how the child is coping and be flexible when it comes to domestic expectations etc. A change in pace can make all the difference for an anxious child who lacks confidence.
Plenty of sleep and exercise is a critical dimension to a child’s life. Sometimes when a child is struggling at school they may have success through sport and they feel so much better.
Try not to keep asking how are they going at school? They will tell you in due time. Asking too often can only encourage them to shut down and not talk about school at all. After all who wants to talk about feeling a failure? Turn your questions about school into a positive framework:
‘You seemed happy coming out of the classroom, I wonder what that was about?’
Classroom teachers are very conscious of providing daily balance for the children throughout the whole week. This balance is all about ensuring they have successes and they learn from mistakes. They should have moments of feeling good about their achievements and moments of being socially well accepted. It’s all about the right checks and balances and so too is our parenting, especially with those children more vulnerable.
‘There are two gifts we should give our children, is roots and the other is wings.’
The importance of getting support when needed
As parents, we simply don’t have all the answers. Just when we think we are on top of matters, our child surprises us with new challenges. It is mentally healthy to recognise that seeking help is an excellent response when needed.
As parents we simply don’t have all the answers. Just when we think we are on top of matters, our child surprises us with new challenges. They are growing all the time and with that growth comes new interests and new exposures to different experiences and challenges. We need to be ready and prepared as our parenting changes to accommodate our growing child.
It is mentally healthy to recognise that seeking help is an excellent response when needed.
Think about it for a moment. How you talk and parent a seven-year-old will be completely different to how you parent that child when turning fourteen. Who gives you the advice as your parenting needs to adjust to a child who is on the path to seeking independence and demanding personal space, independent thinking etc? This article is to remind you, the parent that seeking advice and help is a natural part of your ever evolving growth as a parent. You see we have to change as well as the child.
Sometimes we can develop irrational thoughts on seeking advice.
Negative thoughts could include:
If I cannot manage my child’s behaviour, I must be a failure as a parent. I don’t deserve that feeling when I try so hard.
If I am in control I would not be at loggerheads with my child and feel useless in managing their behaviour. Why do I have these feelings of inadequacy when it is my child who has behaviour problems?
I am embarrassed that I cannot manage my child and other people must consider me a bad parent.
Perhaps my child is really bad and I have done a poor job in rearing them. Perhaps it is my fault after all.
These irrational thoughts can steer us aware from seeking help.
When you seek help:
You demonstrate that you value education. The more you know, the more capable, calm and confident you are in understanding the situation for what it is. It is a sound thing for your child to see that you are keen to learn more about parenting.
It shows you care enough about your child to go beyond your own fears and seek others out for advice.
It also demonstrates that you can recognise that there is a problem and that independent support is to be valued and respected.
It shows your maturity in recognising that there are many ways to solve problems and using experienced support will be welcomed.
When seeking help consider places such as your local school and of course talking to your child’s teachers. They are wise enough to understand that home behaviour can be different from school.
Nowadays it is not difficult to look online for parental support and everything from psychologists to the local councils, welfare agencies etc. often run courses to help parents.
By engaging such support, you will:
Realise that your parenting is normal. There is no such thing as perfect parenting.
They will provide moral and emotional support.
They can help you work out a plan to address your concerns. Organisations can give you other networks to assist as well.
Above all consider:
It is normal to come across roadblocks in parenting. In fact, expect them from time to time. They are challenge points.
As children grow their needs change and this will naturally challenge your parenting.
It is mentally healthy to recognise that seeking help is an excellent response when needed.
Throughout your life as a parent, you are learning how to parent. It is not a static process and just like any form of learning we all need good teachers.
‘Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.’
-Charles R Swindoll
6 simple tips on easing back into school
Here are 6 simple tips on easing back into school.
1. Be prepared
Involve the children in the general preparation for starting school. Have plenty of good conversations around all the items they will need. Talk about their new teacher and chat about their friendships that they will re-establish. Treat starting school as a normal process and one which will be exciting, a happy experience and full of a healthy hope. It’s amazing how positive talk can influence a person’s well being by building a healthy set of attitudes.
2. What is normal now?
There is no escaping the need for a robust conversation on where the pandemic is at and how schools will manage the situation (age-appropriate discussion of course.) Our children need to be part of the real world and take ownership of themselves when it comes to good hygiene habits. Simply relying on the teachers will not work. Children need to feel in control of their personal situation.
3. Sound home routines and yet be adjustable
6 Simple Steps on Easing Back into School
Now is the time to start talking about the weekly routines and what that will look like for everyone in the family. In such discussions be inclusive of strategies you take as a family to be safe from the virus. We now acknowledge that we live with this reality. This may mean at times accepting chaos and flowing with changes as they come. This will ultimately reduce stress.
4. Dealing with school feelings in the presence of the virus
Some children may have anxieties already about going back to school away from their safe home. Chat about the positive actions taken by schools and the Government to keep them safe at school. They need your reassurance that this is best for them. Try listing all the facts that lead to a safe setting. For example, using sanitiser in class, wearing masks etc. The list will mount up and give your child some reassurance.
5. The reluctant learner
Our children have recently experienced less classroom contact than ever before. Therefore, they have become familiar with less conversation, interaction and stimulus from group activities. This can be more of a problem for quieter, less confident children. A good way to strengthen and build their confidence is to keep robust chatter going at home. Provide games and challenges to stimulate engagement with others. Keep the home life an interactive environment where conversation is a strong force in all members of the family and not just the noisy ones.
6. Developing the best attitude for 2022
A helpful goal this year is to work on our mental attitude to the pandemic. The quality of our thoughts ripples through our actions. How we reflect on the changing situation can hinder or help my mental health and also impact on our children. We can consciously choose our attitude when we hear of new developments. If we choose to see the best and positively work to being optimistic, our children will feel happier and more secure. Teach them to be an owner and not a blamer through the current crisis.
A few thoughts as school closes for the year
It has occurred to me recently that some families are feeling some delayed anxiety over what formal schooling the children have missed for yet another year. Understandably, this can play on your mind. Perhaps you should be compensating for missed contact hours at school? Below are some thoughts to set your mind at ease.
It has been a level playing field for all schools. Therefore, teachers in the new year will adjust in their teaching to accommodate the previously dishevelled year. Teachers will plan with this in mind in the new year and allow time for children to catch up. Their job is to work from where the child is at in their learning.
The best way to support your child during the holidays is to keep up with reading. For younger children you will be more involved and for the independent readers just plan time in the family when reading is part of the daily routine.
Keep conversations alive in the family and invite your child to talk as much as possible. This helps develop oral language and also feeds into auditory learning where listening is important. Therefore, ask your child questions and allow them time to respond. We need to keep all aspects of learning and developing literacy as high as possible.
Play games together. Jigsaw puzzles are wonderful for developing the brain. Reduce activities that are solo based. The more group activities involving coordination, conversation, negotiation and team efforts are excellent for further developing intuitive thought.
Schools teach through the Inquiry approach which is all about questioning. When you see something worth discussing have robust discussions and invite opinions and questions by your child. This means giving less answers and being less opinionated or correct as the adult. Nothing stops a child more from talking than an opiniated adult or one that has all the answers.
Affirm your child when they show initiatives in different directions. Creativity is so important to nurture in our children. This is all about a child developing a curious and uninhibited attitude to life. Remember, whatever they try is a success and not a failure. They will be more inclined to keep showing initiative when encouraged.
During the holidays keep the variety of activities going throughout the break. This invites a child to use their brain in different ways. Of course, we all know how long hours on the computer is sole destroying for enlivening the brain. It deadens the spirit an destroys healthy conversation.
Even though formal school time was down in 2021, a child’s summer break is incredibly important for revival, sunshine, fresh air and childhood joy. If we deprive them of this, they will not have the recovery needed to begin another school year well. They will start 2022 with some residual unhappy feelings of the previous, interrupted school year. A refreshing holiday revives their spirit and enthusiasm to begin again with hope. I refer here to mental health which will have a direct impact on next year’s success if not handled well. Preparation is everything.
If you have a child that likes to write, give them a journal for Christmas and invite them to record their holiday experiences in it. Less reluctant writers could write out shopping lists, etc.
Finally, worry less about what this year had to offer for your child as they will quickly reflect on your attitude and this can put doubt in their mind about moving forward positively and successfully. You cannot change what has happened this year but you can influence a developing perception of next year. Children learn best when free of anxiety and self doubt.
‘We are what we believe we are.’
-C S Lewis
All things Covid19 - resource list.
Covid19 and the various levels of lockdown have been extremely stressful for parents, to say the least. How do we explain this situation to our children when we’re feeling immense levels of stress ourselves?
Here’s a recourse list to help explain all things Covid19 to our children.
What to say when tricky questions are asked about Coronavirus
How to stop the worry with issues like coronavirus.
Isolation and being at a distance - what does that mean?
Another lockdown and more home schooling. How important is it?
So, we are back working on line from home.
Let’s take away the fear and replace it with positive thinking.
A few tips on helping with home schooling
8 quick tips to keep the mood positive in these tricky times
“Lockdown again,” I hear you say.
Crazy creative ideas for long stays at home.
Getting back to routine after lockdown
Back to school and living the new norm
Everyone is concerned about their child’s education in lockdown
What is your cause and how do we pass it on to our children?
To some degree, this is all about ethics. It is about our ability to have beliefs and stick by them through our words and actions. Every day we are modelling our beliefs to our children. They are quick to observe how we live out those beliefs and especially if we are consistent with such beliefs… No pressure!
Their observations give them an insight into what we value and are prepared to live by. For example, if you have a particular faith that you live by, are you consistent in its practice? Do your causes play a big role in the life of the family or are they just personal causes that you live by? Either way, they will influence your child directly and indirectly.
For example, the environmental issues of the day have captured the minds and hearts of the youth. Do you live with a cause to being environmentally friendly? If so, are you living out your values and sharing them with your family? The agenda of environmental impact is a wonderful and current cause in which to work with your children.
This blog is simply to remind us that we are great influencers of our children who keenly watch what we value and how we demonstrate honesty and consistency to our causes. Little eyes are always watching and observing to see if our words and actions are aligned.
In a school setting, children are aware that causes are an important part of the world of teachers and the school community. They expect, nay, demand from their teacher’s, consistency in their actions and values. If their teacher is not consistent in their causes, such as the belief of working hard, being consistent and planning well, they lose respect and their interest in following that teacher’s directions falls away.
As a principal in working with children they knew that I had a strong cause to engage with them and listen. If my listening dropped off, so too did their interest in chatting about matters that affected them. I suddenly became much less credible in their eyes.
When we are honest to our cause, children no matter how negative they feel to our beliefs, respect our efforts in honouring what is important to us. When they see consistency and dedication to our mission, they are more inclined to respect our efforts even though at times we fail.
Your causes will influence your child directly and indirectly.
Consider:
Do you have causes that are visibly displayed and lived out at home? It is valuable articulating the causes that are important to you.
Do these causes have a big impact on how you parent?
Reflect on the message you are giving to your child about what and how you value that cause.
Our children need to see how ethical we are as parents. Do I clearly articulate to my child what is important to me?
As a family discuss the many and varied global causes that are in today’s world. This gives you a chance to talk about how passionate people become with important causes. Perhaps your child has a strong interest in some cause or is developing a passion that can blossom into a full-blown cause. This sets them on a mission to learn and do more.
If your child is demonstrating a strong interest in some cause, it is worth teasing that out and inviting your child to reflect on how to support and strengthen that developing purpose and passion. Be open to a different understanding that with each generation comes a new interpretation of what the world values.
Remember from little seeds big things grow.
“Tell me and I’ll forget. Teach me and I’ll learn.”
8 quick tips to keep the mood positive in these tricky times
With the lockdown yet again comes some very low, unsettling feelings for some families. Here are some quick tips to keep a positive momentum happening at home in the long days.
Be positive. Talk to your child about the life-saving measures of lockdown including the fact that our government is putting our safety ahead of all other matters. This is an important part of a humane society. Try to keep the political discussion out of it.
Talk about the amazing speed of vaccine development. It has happened so quickly and very skilled scientists are working around the clock to improve our health and to find solutions quickly.
Talk about contact tracing and how measures are put in place to locate people exposed to the virus. The organisation in this exercise is immense.
Keep the work online in proportion to the day’s events. Too much online school activities can make for being alone and unhappy. It is hard to feel successful while working online with school activities. Build in sport or some other recreation and spontaneous laughter during the day. After all, this is a quality time to be with the family, where there is the least interference.
Give your child updated information, age-appropriate of course. With all the negative and unsettling news, children need the truth about the state of the coronavirus outbreak.
Keep them away from unsettling newspapers that focus on dramatic headlines that are questionable in truth. This is not a time for whipping up more anxiety.
Build a few happy, surprise treats into the day. A little bit of extra sugar won’t hurt but can lift the spirits across the days. We are in unique times and we just need to be creative in the way we engage with our family. We need to be more flexible and use our initiative to break the tension that builds.
Whilst I am always arguing about monitoring the use of technology in the hands of children, now is an important time for them to be in touch with their friends. Talking to friendship groups is comforting and reassuring for children.
Finally, keep in mind that your children will look back on these extreme times and appreciate how you managed their journey through the pandemic and most especially, the lockdowns etc. Being present for them, conscious to keep a happy momentum, informing accurately and capitalising on quality time together is the answer to managing these difficult times.
“Laughter is a tranquiller with no side effects.”
Back to school and living the new norm
What is that new norm? It is about living with Covid 19 present around us. It is also having a raised awareness of how the condition can influence our lives. We are still reeling from the difficult year we had in 2020. Now our children return to school and try to start afresh with a new teacher, new friendships, challenges on the yard etc. We all remember the time when so suddenly school was shut and children went online at home to study. No surprises that we have some residual grief about the losses and isolation we all had to endure.
With the above in mind, I recommend that parents consider the following thoughts for a year that, for our children, will be a new norm. The schools may have changed some rules to adjust with dealing with the pandemic and children are aware that washing hands, keeping a distance etc. are all new rules we are living around.
Consider:
When planning for term one, go easy. The children may take extra time to adjust to the new school year and term one is all about meeting and greeting, setting boundaries and establishing oneself in the classroom.
Check in regularly with your child.
“This year has started well. How are you finding the new start?”
Be in touch with the teacher to ensure that your child is starting well. Best to do this early rather than finding out after too many unsettling times have occurred for the child.
Setting up a routine is important. Invite your child to help with the plan for that routine. Establish where they will do their homework and talk about the balance of activities across the week. Given the break they had last year, a whole term of afterschool activities across a week could be quite a task.
Ensure that bedtime is regular. Given the recent holidays and the different patterns of last year, establishing routine bedtime could be difficult for some time.
Talk occasionally as a family about the unique journey everyone had in the family last year. There may be some grief and disappointments that your child needs to talk about. Perhaps some anxiety about being away from you more often this year. Also, talk about the positive side to the home schooling and to your time together. It was, after all a unique year, unlikely to ever be repeated.
It is also important to talk generally about the state of the pandemic and how we are managing ourselves. There will be the new issue of the vaccination and there will be much talk about this matter both in the media and amongst the community. Let your child know that keeping abreast of current information that is accurate is important.
Are there aspects of last year that you wish to take up in 2021? Many families are already bemoaning the fact that they will have less quality time with their children. Plan to keep up some good habits you may have developed from last year when in isolation.
We all go into this new year with the hope that it will be better for everyone. As a family, we have grown in so many ways being together so intimately. We have initiated new ways to entertain ourselves and just be family. May the new year, bring with it recently acquired wisdom from 2020 and the hope that we go forward well prepared for 2021 and the new norm.
“Children will listen to you after they feel listened too.”
Back to school post covid
SO, WE ARE ALL BACK IN ACTION!
How does it feel to be back into weekly routine with the children at school? Much relief I imagine as well as mixed feelings of having less connection to the children throughout the whole day. These times are curious indeed and we will all have various feelings about what is happening, is about to change again and what is safe and constant in our life. As we approach the normal anxiety that comes with Christmas preparations, we are still dealing with settling the children back into school for a few weeks and planning those summer holidays hopefully with more choice than we have at the moment.
No surprises that the family will be a little unsettled as everyone fits back into a routine, wears masks, shops within 25 Kms etc.
Post Covid 19 - and our new routines.
Unusual times calls for some unusual actions to get everyone through the darkest hours. Here are some thoughts to help ease the stress.
Be kind to yourself, if routine isn’t as you knew it, so be it for the remainder of the year.
Allow the children to be moody and unsettled as they are still finding their balance back at school and in the home.
Check in with your child to ensure that they understand what is happening and that they are not being guided by misinformation which can happen through schoolyard gossip.
Reassure your child that we are getting to the end of the year and with this comes hope for the New Year. We need to build in that component of hope as we work to simply getting better.
Share family time as with the return of school this will mean less time together and to date, you have had an amazing quality time together.
Keep up with family activities as these have probably increased over the past few months and they have been a great healing time together. Reduced family time will be a loss for the children.
Expectations at school will be different and so it is still important to tune into what is being asked of your child. This tells them that your interest in school is still alive.
Keep family conversations going about how everyone is settling back into routine. The child will feel some loss and gain in all sorts of ways. It is best to talk about these feelings and together work through those shifting emotions.
With a few weeks of the school year left and with the approach of Christmas I have three thoughts on my mind:
Slow down
laugh together
share conversations about this year’s journey.
Ten general thoughts about school life
1. Make it inclusive. Ensure school is seen as an important factor in your family. It should not sit as an added extra but be seen as an integral part of family life across the year. Talk often about school as a family. Discuss the activities and events that are present in the life of the school.
2. If you become more actively engaged with school activities you will have more understanding of the internal structure of the school. This brings home and school much closer together. It puts your child at ease. They are proud to have the presence of their parents in their school environment.
3. Invite your child to read newsletters to you and to talk about forthcoming events.
4. Ensure you have a presence in the school. Playgrounds are great places to chat with other families and talk about the events at school.
5. Consider the number of hours per day a child spends at school. This cannot be dismissed at the end of the day if the child is keen to talk about school. Let it all flow.
6. Ask yourself what can I learn as apparent from the school? If you keep your focus on what is happening you will be amazed at the learning you gain.
7. As your child connects to the school, you will also discover new networks of parents who often become great friends over the years. Afterall you are sharing a journey together with these families.
8. School life for your child may bring back nostalgic memories of your time at school both positive and negative. Take care to keep in mind that this is your child’s journey in a different era and will present different challenges and opportunities that should not be clouded by your own memories.
9. Children will come home influenced by so many varied opinions and attitudes. They will challenge us as we may hear them expressing views that are contradictory to our own. A school must be open to differences and will educate inviting your child to consider optional points of view. We need to be ready for this. It may challenge us to discuss other values, beliefs etc. with our child.
10. Make your home a space where the influences of school are present. For example, display children’s work on fridges, leave school newsletters around the home, ensure the child has a comfortable space to do homework etc. Leave school notes visible to read for all. School is a definite way of life and the more the child can move comfortably between home and school, the easier the process for all.
Ten thoughts about school life
On the very important subject of learning to read while at home.
There is no escaping the fact that there is one particular age group of students that will feel the disadvantage of not being in a school environment for a while. That age group are the children starting school and are in their foundational years. This is especially the first two to three years of school.
Learning to read in ISO
Here I refer particularly to the disadvantage of not learning reading in a school setting. The child, at those early ages, is like a sponge and the total stimulus provided by the classroom and teacher sets them off on an amazing discovery of reading. It is like a light bulb goes off in their brain and suddenly you see a massive acceleration in learning. There is no question that reading is the key to so much learning that follows in those early years.
Parents cannot be providing the stimulus that is on offer in a classroom. Therefore, don’t feel guilty that you are in any way responsible for what your young child is missing out on.
However, given the nature of our limited year with the pandemic, we make the best of what we have and help the child in the most effective way possible. Keep in mind that this is a level playing field for all children who should be happily ensconced in school across the five days. Education will need to make adjustments to their teaching and learning to compensate for the deficit of learning in those early years.
Here are some suggestions to give your child opportunities to get on the gravy train of reading. But beware! Make it an enjoyable experience and one where your child feels successful and not anxious that they are displeasing you. Such a reaction will shut down the child when it comes to learning. Throughout the process, it should be seen as an adventure to discover words etc.
Read daily to your child. Choose suitable books that are age-appropriate.
Allow your child to mimic words. At some point, they may learn the story off by heart. Let them tell the story and this is also a legitimate way to learn to read.
Label their bedroom and kitchen etc. with simple words depicting the room. For example, write words like bed, fridge, seat etc. Don’t make this too complicated.
Recite poetry and sing songs regularly. The rhythm and pattern of simple poems and songs helps the reading process.
Point our words in the street such as Stop and GO.
Write simple sentences for your child and read them out together. Sometimes putting words on cardboard can be a fun word game.
When they draw a picture together you can write what it is under the image. Ensure all attempts at writing are visibly displayed around the house.
Obtain audiobooks where the child can follow the prompts and sound to turn pages. These can be found in libraries and online.
If the child attempts to read something that is difficult, simply guide them and praise their efforts at having a go.
Simple words that sound out with phonetics can be introduced as well. Remember nothing is a test or trial. It is all about experimenting with words and being positive.
Learning to read is complex but also needs your simple input with providing the stimulus around the house. Leave plenty of paper and pencils around as experimentation with writing words is a legitimate way of learning to read. You role is not to correct their writing but talk about it and copy below the correct version.
Keep the conversation going with children. Allow them to talk a lot and experiment with new words. Reading, writing and speaking are strongly linked together in the learning process. One feeds off the other.
There are many online reading programs to be used. Take care not to spend too much time on them as they can defeat the purpose if they totally consume the child. Remember, literacy is all around us and children can learn to read with so much stimulus that you offer on a daily basis.
“We should teach our children to dream with their eyes open.”
A few tips on helping with home schooling
We are still in tricky times. Here are a few basic tips on making the learning environment easier and more palatable for everyone concerned.
Tips to help Remote Learning easier for your chileren.
Teachers believe in moving children into different spaces in the classroom from time to time. Talk to your child about how comfortable they are and invite a change of space if they feel this would give them a fresh new perspective.
Ensure there is adequate light where they are working and of course they should be working away from too much stimulus and distractions.
Noise can be a significant factor given they need to concentrate on a screen.
Keep the area around the child uncluttered so that they can concentrate and speared themselves out as best they can. They need to have ownership of their learning space.
Ensure that they have quiet times on the computer so that they can balance talking with you and working independently.
The chair they use should give them some comfort and flexibility of movements.
Parents can help by occasionally tapping into them as they work quietly.
At the end of the day when school activities are finished, it is still important to respect the space they have set up. If possible, keep it intact for tomorrow. This shows that you value what they are doing and that their work is credible.
If they are doing some work, sketches etc. on paper suggest that it is displayed on the fridge. Here we continue to acknowledge their daily work.
Ensure in the morning that they have everything they need before starting. In a busy family set up, pencils etc. Can go missing very quickly. Your aim is to reduce the pressure for them.
Classrooms are busy places and children move quite frequently in and around their spaces. Invite your child to take breaks and sometimes such stretching and walking across the room is enough to clear the head and reduce cobwebs.
Try to avoid setting your child up in spaces that are used as walkways to kitchens etc. Daily traffic can be disturbing.
If a child is using their bedroom it is important to check occasionally as working independently in isolation is difficult for primary aged children.
If your child struggles with working independently it will be best to situate them near you as they will feel comforted by the support. This is also what teachers do in classrooms. They set up situations to check in with children who need more assistance.
At the end of the school day, reward your child for all the efforts and have a brief discussion on what your child feels they have achieved. It is common practice in the classroom to revisit the day’s activities towards the end of a school day.
Ask them the following morning what goals they have planned for the day. Be careful not to instruct but listen with interest. Your child is used to teachers checking in with them in the classroom.
If your child is waiting around for a zoom etc, provide something to entertain them on the table. Some artwork, playdough etc. Classrooms set up many alternative activities to fill in times.
Finally, remember that you are assisting them and guiding them into good work habits. However, as parents, you are not assessing their work or are you accountable for providing daily education. At that point overstepping the line can cause quite some anxiety for the child. Just be the parent who gently guides the school day at home.
“Educations begins the moment we see children as innately wise and capable beings. Only then can we play along with them in their world.”