Think about having one-on-one time with your children

We are starting to reflect on what lies ahead for 2024. In your planning consider allocating some individual time for each of your children. Providing such time gives your child a wonderful sense of being important in their own right. It will make quite a difference in building that relationship with each child as they can express their uniqueness and feel their story is being heard. It also lessens sibling rivalry, which can be quite damaging amongst children.

Think about these reflections that provide sound reasons why one on one time with each child has its value for you and your child.

Special Connection: One-on-one time creates a special connection between you and your child. It makes them feel valued and loved for who they are as an individual..

Open Communication: It encourages open communication, helping your child feel comfortable sharing thoughts and feelings. Being on their own with you invites them to talk more openly about matters that are important to them.

Boosts Confidence: Individual attention boosts their confidence, showing them that their uniqueness is celebrated. They are not competing with their siblings who may have a stronger personality and can express themselves more confidently..

Tailored Support: It allows for tailored support, addressing specific needs and interests that might get overlooked in a group setting. With each child you will hear about their specific hopes and dreams.

Strengthens Bonds: One-on-one time strengthens the parent-child bond, building a foundation of trust and understanding. Your child will feel better understood and therefore more keen to engage with you on important matters.

A family can be a noisy, bustling space where stronger temperaments get heard quickly and where some children may have greater needs to be met, physical or emotional. Giving each child some regular one on one time provides some personal safe space in which each child can be themselves and feel personally connected in a deeper way to their parents.

“We can empathize with our children more deeply when we give them one on one time.”

— Gail J Smith

Managing anger around children.

Anger management can be quite an issue when we live busy lives, have many and varied pressures on us and our children are unsettled. It’s a natural part of life to feel anger. What we need to understand is that a child can often misinterpret our anger and will often take on much of the blame when we have a meltdown. Managing our anger around children is the best way to ensure that your child is not overpowered by your feelings. Our angry outbursts can sometimes lead them to shut down and to avoid being in our presence.

 Here are some thoughts on how your anger can influence your child.

• Children need a safe and nurturing environment. Uncontrolled anger can create fear and emotional insecurity, impacting a child's sense of safety at home. The home should be a very safe place for them.

•  Witnessing frequent anger can harm a child's mental health. It may lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and difficulty in managing emotions. Often they blame themselves for the anger.

• Children learn by observing. Constant exposure to anger might lead them to imitate aggressive behaviours, affecting their own ways of handling stress and conflicts. What they see is often what they think is the way to operate.

• A calm environment encourages open communication. When parents manage anger, it fosters trust, allowing children to feel comfortable sharing their feelings without fear of harsh reactions.

• Children learn about healthy relationships from their parents. Managing anger positively teaches them constructive ways to handle conflicts, promoting healthier relationships in the future. When they see healthy relationships, they desire to have them in their life.

If the family household contains a lot of anger, it can put your child at risk of mental health problems later in life. It also suggests that they may become aggressive and exhibit behavioural problems themselves.

Consider the three R’s of anger- Recognise, Reflect and Respond. Also, when feeling really angry, step away from the feeling for a while. This helps reduce the angry feeling.

 As a parent, understand how you cope emotionally with your child.  Being aware will make all the difference to yourself and especially your child.

 ‘For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Be a little on the wild side and explore adventure with your child

Adventures and surprises in doing varied and different things with your child is life giving and very stimulating for broader learning. Don't underestimate that what you expose your children to can have an amazing impact on their intellectual and emotional growth. Consider the following ideas and examples of how you can make a difference to your child’s life by being open to many ideas.

1. Fosters Learning and Curiosity:

   Adventure and exploration stimulate a child's curiosity and love for learning, providing them with new knowledge and experiences.

   Reason: Children become more adventurous and interested in change as you give them exposure and broad opportunities.

   Example: Parents can take their child on educational trips to museums, zoos, or historical sites, encouraging them to ask questions and explore exhibits. Look at what is advertised around town and beyond.

2. Builds Resilience and Confidence:

   Reason: Facing new challenges and unfamiliar situations helps children build resilience and self-confidence as they navigate and conquer obstacles. It’s all about exposing them to new moments in their life.

   Example: Parents can enrol their child in a sports team, music lessons, or an art class, where they can develop skills and gain confidence in their abilities.

3. Encourages Independence:

   Reason: Adventures allow children to make decisions and problem-solve independently, fostering a sense of self-reliance. Such independence builds emotional maturity and personal confidence. We want our children to feel that they can take control

   Example: Parents can let their child plan a family day trip, where they research and choose the destination, create an itinerary, and lead the way.

4. Creates Lasting Memories:

   Reason: Exploring new places and trying new activities can result in cherished family memories that bring joy for years to come. The more positive happy memories you have the greater longer term happy thoughts children have of growing up

   Example: Parents can plan a family camping trip, complete with storytelling around the campfire and stargazing, creating memorable experiences.

5. Fosters Cultural Awareness:

   Reason: Exposure to different cultures and traditions through travel can broaden a child's perspective and promote cultural understanding. In our global world today we need tolerance and understanding. The more your child is exposed to difference, the better informed that are about life.

   Example: Parents can take their child on international trips or visit cultural festivals and events in their own community to embrace diversity. Check out some of the documentaries on other cultures and watch the program together.

6. Promotes a Sense of Wonder:

   Reason: Adventure encourages children to see the world with wonder and excitement, fostering a lifelong appreciation for the beauty of the world. Surprise them by taking them to places that step away from comfort zones. Let them experience nature through touching, feeling, smelling and experiencing.

   Example: Parents can take their child on nature hikes or expeditions, where they can discover the wonders of the natural world, such as unique plants, animals, and landscapes.

   Be a parent who is open to difference and  welcome ideas that are unique. Not everyone has to be an Indiana Jones but within your scope as a family  look to what is possible and will stretch their imagination. You will enjoy this journey of discovery yourself.

Go a little on the wild side, be adventurous with your child.

 -Gail J Smith

Teaching good manners is a great life skill

If we want our children to be well accepted and socially adapt then teaching and modelling good manners gives them a great advantage in life. Manners are a good way for you to show gratitude, display respect and demonstrate kindness. Well mannered children are highly sort after for leadership, advanced learning opportunities, senior roles etc.

Here are five key reasons outlining the benefits:

Social Skills and Relationships

Good manners help children interact positively with others, building strong relationships. When a child has good manners they are welcomed into groups. Other children feel comfortable around them and not threatened by unpredictable behaviour. Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others.

Respect and Empathy

Manners teach children to be respectful and empathetic towards others' feelings and perspectives. A well mannered child is very conscious about how to address people and how to engage with someone in difficult circumstances. Their powers of observation in dealing with people is more acute

 Confidence and Self-Esteem

Practising good manners boosts children's confidence and self-esteem in social situations. They feel more sure about themselves knowing that how they communicate often sets the scene for conversation.

Success in School and Future Career

Having good manners positively influences academic success and future career prospects. People are attracted to well mannered people and are comfortable in engaging with them.

Positive Reputation and Liability

Children with good manners are often well-liked and respected by peers and adults. There is nothing more pleasant than being around people that make you feel comfortable.

A child who has acquired the good habit of using manners is in a class of people who are self assured, understand boundaries and who will intuitively use their language to keep the quality of conversation at a high level.

‘ Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.’ Clarence Thomas

Be a proactive parent

When you adopt a more proactive style as a parent your child will feel a lot more relaxed when interacting with you. They will also feel optimistic in talking more openly to you and will feel more hopeful that you will be a great listener.

Here are 5 reasons why taking a proactive stand as a parent will benefit your child.

Consider:

1.  Building a Strong Connection

   Being proactive strengthens your bond with your child.

   For example, instead of waiting for them to share their day, ask specific questions like "What was the best part of your day?" It shows you're interested and helps build trust. Have an optimistic approach and talk about positive aspects of your day.

2.  Creating a Positive Environment

   Proactive parenting helps create a happy and positive home. The household is generally more relaxed and invites all kinds of conversations..Everyone feels safe.

   For example, instead of reacting to a messy room, set up a routine to tidy up together. It turns a potential conflict into a positive habit.

3. Teaching Responsibility

   Being proactive teaches your child to be responsible.

   For example, rather than reminding them about homework every day, create a study schedule together. It helps them take charge of their responsibilities. Think ahead wherever possible.

4. Nurturing Independence

   Proactive parenting helps your child become more independent. They feel more confident in doing things on their own and trusting in your confidence in them.

   For example, instead of always doing things for them, let them take on age-appropriate tasks. It builds their confidence and independence. Making mistakes seems a normal part  of their efforts.

5. Preventing Issues Before They Arise

   Being proactive helps avoid problems before they happen. Less problems makes for a happier home.

   For example, instead of waiting for bedtime battles, establish a calming routine. It helps prevent bedtime struggles and ensures a smoother transition to sleep.

   Being a proactive parent is like steering the ship before it hits rough waters. It involves staying ahead of potential challenges, fostering positive habits, and creating an environment where your child can thrive. The more you avoid problems, the less conflict is in the home, and the more peaceful environment is present allowing more creativity and joy.

‘Remember the old saying: Prevention is better than cure.’
-Gail J Smith

Six important parenting practices with an upbeat approach

Parenting sometimes needs an upbeat approach to getting children involved. This way it takes some of the burden away and lightens the whole idea that parenting is all about control and discipline.

1. Give Lots of High-Fives for Good Stuff

   When your child does something good, give them a high-five or a thumbs up! Make it a positive moment for both of you.
   For example: "Awesome job on your drawing! High-five for all your hard work!"

2. Make Clear Rules Like a Superhero Guide

   Be a superhero with clear rules. Imagine you're creating a superhero guide for your family.
   For example: "Our superhero guide says we have a bedtime routine to help us sleep like superheroes. What do you think?" Keep it light and amusing.

3. Talk and Listen Like Best Friends Do

   Talk and listen like you're each other's best friends.
   For example: "Tell me about your day! I'm here to listen, just like best friends do."

4. Show How It's Done, Super Parent Style

   Show your child how to be super by being a super parent!
   For example: "I'll show you how to clean up, and we'll be superheroes together! Ready?"

5. Let Them Be the Captain, with You as Co-Captain

   Your child is the captain, and you're the co-captain. Help them steer!
   For example: "You're in charge of choosing today's snack. Captain's choice!"

6. Create Fun Times, Like a Weekly Family Fiesta

   Have a weekly family fiesta with games, stories, or just hanging out.
   For example: "It's our special family time! What fun thing should we do this week for our family fiesta?"

   These ideas are all about creating a happy environment where the whole business of parenting is treated in a warm and engaging way with your child. Good parenting is about preventing problem behaviour and engaging with your child in a warm and authentic way. The more you listen effectively and give time, energy and love to your child, the more you will create the best climate to rear your child.

 ‘All children love a little theatre. Build it into your parenting’.

-Gail J Smith

Careful about jumping to conclusions

How often do we immediately have an answer for something? Sometimes when we hear news that can be unsettling, we can spontaneously jump to conclusions. Often this can lead us straight to the negative, and we skip the whole idea of looking at the issue rationally and logically. We all tend to do this from time to time. I believe it is part of our mental defence against getting hurt in any way.

When we do this in front of our children, we teach them that a quick reaction is the best and most likely accurate response.

Consider:

• When we feel like jumping to conclusions, a good response is simply to slow down, take a breath and reflect before saying too much. Remember what we say are powerful messages to our children.

• Sometimes your child might hear about something happening at school and immediately jump to a negative conclusion for them. This is a great opportunity to teach them to stop, take a breath and talk about the issue. After a discussion, the issue often does not seem so bad and rational conversation can happen.

• Consider just learning to stop and think before jumping to a conclusion. It is all about training yourself to slow down and reflect. Initial silence, rather than a quick response, allows you time to think it through more carefully. Your child will get to know that this is how you respond to news. You carefully process it and then talk about it.

• When you jump to conclusions, it can often lead to wrong assumptions that require you to reverse your thinking. However, in the interim, you have made statements that may have been better left unsaid. Using the skill of stopping and thinking first, shows your child that being cautious before interpreting something is the best and least harmful way to go.

• Jumping to conclusions is all about feeling that the worst is about to happen. This is anxiety, and we need to train ourselves to stop thinking the worst all the time. Our children need to see that the worst is not always the case, and through simple reflection, we can rationalise things better.

Finally, keep the knee-jerk reactions to a minimum. Train yourself to feel calmer and, above all show your child that all is not negative when you take a good hard look at it. The world is still a beautiful place.

          ‘Snap judgements often lead to regrets for those whose only exercise is jumping to conclusions.’

                                                                               Recite... Piccsy .com

Helping your child develop strong emotional intelligence

We all talk about the avenues to build intellectual intelligence. We also need to recognise that the growth of emotional intelligence is critical for a person to cope well in society and to feel inclusive. Strong emotional intelligence helps us regulate our emotions and view the world in a broader way. Our well-being is best enhanced by developing high levels of emotional intelligence.

There are various simple ways we can help build emotional intelligence in our children. Here are some suggestions:

1. Talk About Feelings:

   Ask your child how they're feeling and why. Encourage them to express their emotions, like happiness, sadness, or anger. Use those words in conversations about how they are feeling. Talking about feelings is seen as a positive sign of building and understanding well-being. Let them see that you have feelings and can manage those feelings. We all have strengths and weaknesses.

2. Listen Actively:

   When your child talks about their feelings, listen carefully without interrupting. Show that you understand and care about what they're saying. Place no judgement on their feelings or emotional state. They will regulate themselves better if you are calm and steady.

3. Teach Problem-Solving:

   Help your child find solutions when they face problems or conflicts. Ask questions like, "What can we do to make this better?" Be prepared to use negotiation with your child.

4. Manage Your Own Emotions:

   Show your child how you handle your own feelings. If you're upset, explain why and how you're trying to feel better. Be authentic when you talk about your feelings and talk about the strategies you will employ to help you through the problem.

5. Empathy and Understanding:

   Teach your child to think about how others might feel. When they see someone sad, ask, "How do you think they're feeling?" Demonstrate empathy in your own life and apply it to the family. If a child sees you empathetic they learn it quickly. Your modelling is so important here.

6. Use Books and Stories:

   Read books or tell stories that explore emotions and situations. Discuss the characters' feelings and ask your child how they would react. Watch movies together that highlight empathy and sympathy. Talk about them as a family

In simple terms, parents can help their children develop emotional intelligence by talking about feelings, listening, problem-solving, setting a good example with their own emotions, teaching empathy, and using stories to explore emotions together. Each day there will be occasions where you can highlight in little ways the importance of being emotionally switched on to life matters.

Be a parent who embraces healthy emotions and recognises the occasions where you can be helpful in strengthening emotional intelligence.

‘One can be the master of what one does, but never of what one feels.”

                                                                            -Gustav Flaubert

Being authentic and honest with your child is the best way forward

Being honest and authentic with your children is crucial for building trust, fostering healthy relationships, and promoting their emotional and moral development.

Here are six sound reasons, along with examples of what honesty and authenticity look like in parenting:

1. Building Trust: When you are honest and authentic, your children learn that they can trust you. This trust forms the foundation of a strong parent-child relationship. For example, if your child asks where babies come from, you can provide age-appropriate, honest information instead of making up a story. Tell the truth. Consider of course that it is age-appropriate conversations.

2. Setting a Positive Example: Children often model their behaviour after their parents. They look to you for learning about life. When you demonstrate honesty and authenticity, you set a positive example for them to follow. For instance, if you make a mistake, acknowledge it, apologise, and explain how you plan to make amends. This teaches your child the importance of taking responsibility for their actions. Let them see how you deal with mistakes and accept them as a learning process.

3. Enhancing Communication: Being authentic in your communication encourages open and honest conversations with your children. For instance, if you're going through a challenging time, sharing your feelings and concerns can help your child understand and empathise with your situation. This, in turn, can encourage them to confide in you when they face difficulties and eases the feeling that they will be judged.

4. Fostering Emotional Intelligence: Honesty and authenticity help children develop emotional intelligence. When you express your own emotions honestly and explain how you manage them, your child learns valuable emotional regulation skills. For example, if you're feeling stressed, you can explain that stress is a normal emotion and share healthy coping strategies you use. Letting them see that you are stressed is an acceptable behaviour.

5. Teaching Values and Morality: Authenticity in parenting allows you to impart your values and morals consistently. For example, if you believe in kindness and empathy, you can demonstrate these values in your interactions with others and explain why they are important to you. This helps your child understand the principles that guide your family. Involve them in the way you demonstrate your values. For example, if you are involved in a fundraiser get them involved.

6. Resolving Conflicts: Authenticity is essential when addressing conflicts or disagreements within the family. Instead of avoiding difficult conversations, address them honestly and constructively. For example, if there's a disagreement between siblings, you can facilitate a conversation where each child has the opportunity to express their feelings and thoughts while maintaining a respectful and open atmosphere. If you feel conflictual with your child, sit down together and discuss the issue.

Being authentic becomes easier over time. Here you are not setting up situations that are not sustainable. Your child will come to expect and in fact, demand an authentic relationship. This brings you into a close and intimate relationship with your child.

Being authentic around your child gives them a model of how life works.

Gail Smith

Your child needs your patience as they progress through school

Patience is a vital virtue for parents with children in school because:

Learning Takes Time: Learning is a gradual process, and children need time to absorb new information and develop their skills. Being patient allows them the necessary space to learn at their own pace. Nothing happens overnight and consider that your child will developmentally keep evolving and growing in their own time.

Individual Progress Varies: Every child has a unique learning style and pace. Patience is essential to recognise and respect these individual differences without imposing unrealistic expectations. Allow your child their right to pace their learning, this gives them time to process and to observe and learn what is happening around them. There are no rewards for speed. Remember the story of the turtle and the hare.

Mistakes Are Part of Learning: Children often make mistakes as they learn. This is a natural part of learning. Patience enables parents to offer support and guidance rather than react negatively to errors, fostering a more positive learning environment. Being patient allows your child their right to grow at their own pace.

Building Resilience: Patience helps children build resilience and develop a growth mindset. When they face challenges, patient parents can encourage perseverance and a willingness to learn from setbacks. Resilient people are not quick to be anxious and develop a maturity around them that allows time and space to heal and recover.

Effective Communication: Patient parents are better at listening and understanding their children's concerns and questions about school. This open communication fosters a stronger parent-child relationship and a more supportive educational experience. If you listen well you need to take time and be prepared that there is no timeline for listening effectively.

Modelling Behaviour: Parents who demonstrate patience serve as very effective role models for their children. When children see their parents remaining patient in the face of difficulties, they are more likely to adopt this valuable trait themselves, which can benefit their academic and personal lives. A child will comfortably approach a parent who will be calm, present and patient. That is such an inviting way to present your case when nervous.

Finally, patience can and should be acquired by everyone. It sets the scene for healthy relationships with your child. No one can resist a patient person. There is no need to feel that your child should be at a level of development that is expected of them. Who sets those expectations? Children are individuals and over time and with supportive environments, they will learn best at their own pace. Better quality learning spread over time than demanding and setting targets.

‘Let your child breathe gently and comfortably through their learning journey.’ 

-Gail J Smith

Supporting your child’s individual learning style

We are not all learning like robots. We all develop our own individual learning style which needs to be nourished and encouraged from an early age. If we block our child’s ability to learn in their own way it can inhibit their ability to learn, it will devour their self-confidence and their interest in learning will spiral down very fast.

Here are some sound reasons why supporting their individual style will accelerate your child’s learning: Let them take ownership of their learning style.

Optimised Learning: Tailoring your support to your child's learning style ensures they can absorb and retain information more effectively. This optimisation leads to better academic performance and a deeper understanding of the material. A child will remember much more if they are in control of their learning. The brain is wired to connect to the child’s learning in a way that will be deeper and richer if the child is in control of what and how they learn.

Boosted Confidence: When children are taught in a way that aligns with their learning style, they tend to feel more confident about their abilities. This increased self-assurance can lead to a more positive attitude toward learning and taking on challenges. A confident child will learn with more gusto and memorise the content for longer.

Reduced Frustration: If a child's learning style isn't accommodated, they may become frustrated and discouraged. Shutting down to learning could be the outcome. Understanding and supporting their preferred learning approach can reduce their frustration and make the learning process more enjoyable. Try not to understand their learning style and accept that it works for them.

Enhanced Motivation: Children are more motivated to learn when they find the learning process engaging and relevant to their interests and preferences. Catering to their learning style can spark their curiosity and enthusiasm for learning.

Improved Communication: Understanding your child's learning style allows for better communication between you and your child's educators. It enables you to advocate for your child's needs and collaborate effectively with teachers to create a conducive learning environment. Accept that your child is unique and in the classroom teachers know how to accommodate such variation in a child’s learning. Be there to talk to the teacher about how your child chooses to learn.

Personal Growth: Supporting your child's learning style fosters their ability to adapt and learn independently. They develop problem-solving skills and the capacity to explore various learning methods, which are valuable life skills. Your child’s individual style when encouraged strengthens their sense of self-worth and they value how they learn.

In summary, recognising and supporting your child's learning style can lead to more effective learning experiences, increased confidence, reduced frustration, enhanced motivation, improved communication with educators, and personal growth. A child will perform better when happy and are more conducive to learning when they feel confident that they know how best to learn. Give them space to experiment with how they learn and you will see a child taking more ownership of their learning.

Managing our anger around our children

We all find ourselves angry from time to time. When we are around children. it is so important to manage and control our anger, especially when dealing with concerning issues. Anger is a powerful force. Dysfunction arises when you use your anger to hurt yourself and others. A child will read into our anger not the least of which is disapproval. Extreme anger can be frightening and is a violation of your child’s right to feel safe. Therefore, understanding that anger must be well managed around children is important for all parents to grasp.

Here are some positive reasons why managing anger well benefits relationships with your child:

Emotional Role Modelling: Children learn how to manage their own emotions by observing their parents. When parents manage their anger in a healthy and controlled manner, children are more likely to adopt similar strategies when faced with challenging situations. This is all about emotional intelligence. The more we understand that anger can be destructive and useless in resolving matters, the more we are using our emotional intelligence.

Healthy Communication: Managing anger fosters open and effective communication within the family. When parents express their feelings calmly and respectfully, it creates an environment where children feel safe to express themselves. This encourages healthy discussions, problem-solving, and understanding. When a child feels safe, that anger will not be a feature of discussions and telecommunications are more inclined to be honest and engaging with parents.

Positive Conflict Resolution: Every family faces disagreements, but how parents handle conflicts directly impacts children's perception of conflict resolution. By addressing issues calmly and constructively, parents teach children that conflicts can be resolved without resorting to aggression or hostility. This is where we listen with sincerity, negotiate fairly and affirm your child for engaging in this process. It works for everyone in the family.

Emotional Safety and Trust: Children thrive in an environment where they feel emotionally safe and secure. When parents manage their anger, they create a stable and nurturing atmosphere where children know they won't face unnecessary outbursts or unpredictable reactions. This fosters trust and allows children to approach their parents with their concerns and fears. Living in a household of no fear guarantees a happy and inviting space in which to grow and prosper.

Promoting Self-Esteem: Children are sensitive to their parents' emotions and can internalise negative reactions as personal failures. Self-confidence will easily deteriorate if they feel that their parents are negatively responding to them. By managing anger, parents prevent unnecessary blame and criticism that could harm a child's self-esteem. Instead, a controlled response helps children understand that mistakes are a natural part of learning and that they're still loved and valued despite any missteps. Harmful words live long with a child.

Increased listening: When there is gentle conversation and no stress connected to the conversations, a child will listen with more attention and interest. If anger is present children will shut down and their ability to listen effectively is reduced immensely.

Improved use of quality language: When we speak without anger and we are still dealing with issues the use of our language is important and is much more sophisticated than the use of angry words.

When you feel the urge to be angry around your child, take a deep breath and allow some time before speaking out. This drives down some angry intent and will lead to better outcomes when working through issues. It gives you more time to think about the problem and perhaps put things into a better perspective.

“Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds Nothing, but it can destroy everything.”

                                    -Lawrence Douglas Wilder.

The Life giving Power of Politeness: Why Teaching Good Manners Boosts Your Child's Education!

In all my years as Principal and in my experience as a teacher, polite children always won the day! Such children are often popular because they speak well of others and provide no threat. They attract attention because their politeness is attractive and creates an illusion that they are in control of people who use intelligence as their main vehicle of communication. It is quite amazing how a polite child is so valued and attractive to others.

Here are five ideas to demonstrate how teaching good manners is effective and beneficial to the child, especially when taught by the parents.

1. Social Skills for Success: Good manners lay the foundation for positive social interactions, enabling children to build strong relationships with peers and adults alike. Polite children tend to be more confident in social settings, making them more approachable, likeable, and adept at resolving conflicts. These essential social skills pave the way for better academic collaboration and extracurricular involvement, fostering a well-rounded education. Never underestimate how politeness can make a child a lot happier socially.

2. Improved Communication Skills: Teaching children good manners involves emphasising active listening, respectful communication, and empathy. These skills not only improve their ability to express themselves effectively but also foster a deeper understanding of others' perspectives. As a result, children become more articulate and empathetic communicators, which bolsters their academic performance, participation in class discussions, and presentation abilities. A child with strong communication skills is a much more confident child

3. Positive Classroom Environment: When children practice good manners, they contribute to creating a positive and respectful classroom environment. Polite behaviour encourages cooperation, teamwork, and a sense of community, promoting a conducive atmosphere for learning and academic growth. Teachers can focus more on teaching, and students can concentrate better on their studies when the classroom is characterised by courtesy and mutual respect. By being polite, the quality of the learning environment improves. Children listen and hear better when the atmosphere is respectful.

4. Developing Emotional Intelligence: Good manners are closely linked to emotional intelligence—the ability to recognise and manage emotions, both in oneself and others. Children who are taught good manners are more likely to be emotionally aware and capable of handling stress and frustrations constructively. They read the signs very well. Emotional intelligence positively impacts their academic performance by improving their self-regulation, problem-solving skills, and resilience in the face of challenges. There is considerable self discipline demonstrated through politeness and this feeds into improved emotional intelligence. There is more interest in being grateful than feeling entitled.

5. Preparation for Future Success: Beyond the classroom, good manners are essential in preparing children for future success in their personal and professional lives. Employers often seek candidates with strong interpersonal skills and a respectful demeanour, making good manners a valuable asset in the job market. Additionally, individuals who practice good manners are more likely to cultivate supportive networks, mentorship, and opportunities throughout their lives. It’s as though in this ever-changing world, instilling good manners in your child's upbringing is a life giving investment that not only improves their education but also nurtures their overall growth and success. We could easily say that politeness is a measure of success in a world that can easily spin out of control.

As the parent, demonstrate through your own life how politeness has served you well. If a child comes from a family where politeness is valued, it then stands to reason that they will comfortably and confidently adopt that model.

‘Better good manners than good looks.’

                                                                                               -Proverbs

Simple suggestions to help build empathy and kindness in your child

The difference you can make in how you teach and model empathy and kindness is amazing. See it as a way of life that is common practice in your family.

• Be a good example: Show kindness and caring by helping others, like sharing toys with a sibling or comforting a friend who is sad.

• Understand how others feel: Imagine how someone else might feel in a situation. For example, think about how a friend might feel if they didn't get invited to a party. Are you inclusive when you send out invitations? Share your feelings: Talk about your own emotions and encourage your child to express their feelings too. Let them know it's okay to feel happy, sad, or angry.

• Listen and pay attention: When your child talks, give them your full attention. Show that you care about what they say by looking at them and responding kindly.

• Do kind things for others: Encourage your child to do nice things, like saying "thank you" to their teacher or helping a classmate with a task.

• Learn about different cultures: Read books or watch shows that teach about different ways of life. Talk about the traditions and customs of other cultures.

• Solve problems without fighting: Help your child find solutions when they have a disagreement. Encourage them to listen to others, find common ground, and work things out peacefully. Teach them the powers of negotiation.

• Talk about real-life examples: Have conversations about news stories or events that involve kindness and helping others. Discuss how they can make a positive difference too.

• Stay positive: Encourage your child to see the good in people and situations. Talk about happy news or share stories of people being kind to each other.

• Say "thank you" and be grateful: Teach your child to appreciate what they have and show gratitude. Encourage them to say "thank you" and be thankful for acts of kindness.

• Help others in need: Encourage your child to lend a helping hand to those who need it. They can assist an elderly neighbour with carrying groceries, offer to walk a friend's dog when they're busy, or help a classmate with their schoolwork. Teach them how to notice where there is a need.

• Apologise and forgive: Teach your child the importance of apologising when they have hurt someone's feelings. For example, if they accidentally break a friend's toy, guide them to say sorry and find a way to make amends. Also, encourage them to forgive others when they receive apologies, promoting empathy and understanding. Talk about what reconciliation is all about.

• Stand up against bullying: Teach your child to be kind and compassionate by speaking up against bullying. Encourage them to support classmates who are being treated unkindly, be a friend to someone who is feeling left out, or report bullying incidents to a trusted adult.

These ideas give some suggestions as to how to build empathy and compassion in your child. Be spontaneous and look for occasions where you can build their awareness and sensitivity to others and the world around them.

‘A smile can brighten someone’s day and enlighten their spirits.

                                                                                 - Gail J Smith

Supporting our Upper Primary Students: Encouraging Growth and Independence

Have you noticed your older primary child wanting more independence? Sometimes they demand it, other times they just take it! It's natural for them to seek more freedom and change how they respond to school. Socialising with friends becomes important as they build their identity. The upper primary years can be challenging as they go through puberty.

As a parent, you might wonder how to best support them during this time of change. Here are some simple ideas:

1. Listen attentively. They need to be heard, and what they say may be changing!

2. Focus on their learning, not just their work. Are they doing homework regularly, using the library, or talking about projects?

3. Help with school projects. Assist them in researching topics and discussing their work.

4. Use adult language. Respect their maturity by avoiding baby talk. Try using new words and have fun conversations.

5. Encourage trying new things. Suggest exploring different sports or activities.

6. Watch the news together and discuss it. They can understand more complex ideas now.

7. Talk about time management. As school demands increase, discuss how they plan and cope.

8. Promote balance between school and recreation. Show them how to maintain a healthy lifestyle by engaging in activities together.

9. Provide emotional support. Understand their changing emotions and be there for them. Stay in touch with their teacher too.

Remember, as your child grows, your role as a parent will change too. Be a loving and attentive presence and listen to their needs.

‘Though it's bittersweet to see your child grow up, celebrate their bright spirit as they prepare to spread their wings.’

                                                      -Gail J Smith

Nine Proactive Strategies for Fostering Mental Health in Children

Promoting mental health in children is of utmost importance, particularly in our current world.

Here are several insightful strategies that can be employed to nurture and sustain mental well-being in our young ones:

1. Demonstrate Positive Emotions: Being a consistent source of happiness and positivity around your child is critical. Let your joy radiate visibly, providing them with a secure feeling that everything is alright. Your smile can serve as a comforting reassurance.

2. Encourage Physical Activity: Exercise is known to boost mood and overall well-being. Engage in regular physical activities with your child and make it a family routine. This not only benefits their physical health but also their mental state.

3. Cultivate a Love for Music: Music has a profound impact on our emotions and can uplift the spirit. Incorporate a variety of music into your family life, utilising it as a background score to your everyday activities. This creates an ambience of positivity and serves as an effective stress reliever.

4. Foster Positive Associations: Direct your child's attention to the good things happening around them. Discuss amusing anecdotes, talk about jovial and optimistic individuals you know, and celebrate the positive aspects of life.

5. Promote Generosity: Demonstrate to your child the power of giving. Instilling a sense of generosity can enhance their mental well-being and give them a broader perspective on life. You can exemplify this through simple actions like donating toys they've outgrown.

6. Encourage Proper Rest: Adequate sleep is crucial for a child's mental and physical health. It helps their brain process the day's activities and sets them up for optimal performance the next day.

7. Teach Healthy Recreation: Equip them with various recreational activities like sports, reading, or simply relaxing. These pursuits can help them carve out mental space for themselves when needed. Your role modelling in this area is vital.

8. Cultivate a Sense of Humour: Encourage them to appreciate the lighter side of life. Too often we focus on the negatives or the potential risks, but teaching them to find humour can provide them with a more balanced view of life.

9. Nurture Social Relationships: Facilitate the presence of your child's friends in their lives. Friendships play a significant role in their social development, and your active involvement in fostering these relationships can be highly beneficial.
   
   Above all, it's crucial to create an environment where positivity thrives, life is cherished, and the world is perceived as a beautiful place to live. By being such a parent, you can positively shape your child's outlook and foster their mental health.

‘Life is always better with a smile on your face’

                    - Gail J Smith

Talking positively to your child makes all the difference.

Engaging positively with your child can have a transformative effect. The manner in which you converse with your child significantly influences their communication style and their receptiveness to you.

Bear in mind the following:

• Show genuine interest and engagement when they speak. Treat these moments as invaluable opportunities for them to convey their thoughts to you.

• Employ a gentle and soothing tone of voice. Harsh tones not only discourage attentive listening, but also inadvertently convey negativity. Strive to soften your voice, even when discipline becomes challenging.

• Your child is more inclined to listen attentively and emulate good speech habits if they consistently hear a pleasant and comfortable tone from you. They will reciprocate the same respectful way of speaking if it's consistently modelled for them.

• Consider the power of respectful speech. Using a gentle tone makes the conversation more engaging for everyone involved, fostering an atmosphere of respect.

• Pay attention to your choice of words. Could your language be improved to express ideas more effectively? Implementing a rich vocabulary can be an excellent tool for enhancing communication.

Why speaking well to children is important.

1. Boosts Self-Esteem: Children often view themselves through the lens of their parents' comments and reactions. Speaking positively and constructively helps build their self-esteem and self-confidence, shaping a more positive self-image.

2. Improves Cognitive Development: Language-rich interactions can enhance children's cognitive development. Varied and complex vocabulary can stimulate their brain, encouraging them to learn and understand new words and concepts.

3. Promotes Healthy Relationships: Effective and respectful communication sets the groundwork for building strong, healthy relationships. By speaking well to your child, you're teaching them the importance of clear, kind, and respectful communication, a skill that will benefit them in all their future relationships.

Can we control everything?

At this stage of the year, there are plans to be made and decisions settled on for the year, especially regarding school. The question I pose is, is it necessary to be in control of everything?

There is always a small control freak in all of us. If not fragrantly displayed, it’s hidden somewhere in the deep recesses of our mind which, on occasion, makes its appearance. The more we know and the more we control, the safer we often feel.

Your children are taking on a new leaf at school this year. They are going up a notch and teachers will expect them to take on more responsibility. Perhaps this is a time to let loose a little and not be so preoccupied with everything that happens around your child. They may start telling you a little less about their day. That’s OK!

Here are some sound reasons for controlling a little less and supporting a little more of your child’s sense of personal freedom:

• You certainly control your opinions but not always the external events that happen around your child. They are independent of you.

• Developing an honest understanding of what is really within our control makes for realistic thinking and reduces worry.

• The challenges put ahead of your child at school are their challenges and should, to a large degree, be managed by them. Of course, when issues are out of control, parental support may be necessary.

• The more we let them develop independent thought and self-manage their plans the more they slowly and steadily grow stronger. The cocoon is dying and the butterfly will arise with strength and beauty after its struggle to come through that dark cocoon.

• The research is clear. If a child takes ownership of their own life, they learn faster and develop independent thinking earlier and display more creative thought. They become less vulnerable to risk, are more resilient and feel happier in themselves. This builds healthy mental habits.

• If we take too much control, a child will no longer own the problem and pass it over to you. It becomes your problem. Time and time again I have seen this at school when a parent wants to solve their child’s problems.

• When you listen to your child talking about an issue, listen with interest and sincerity, but first, see it as their problem where you have some clear expectation that they will try to solve it. ‘I am sad to hear that Mark was mean to you at school. I am wondering how you will deal with that?’

• With each new year at school comes differing challenges. Reflect on how your child is choosing to manage them and quietly step back where possible.

• Think about your role as a parent. Do you have all the answers to your child’s needs? It is another generation with shifting expectations. You are there to listen and support, perhaps consult, but it is their world to own. It is their world to solve. Slightly different in expectations from yours.

• School holidays are over, but that does not mean that we take some of that relaxed summer feel into our new year plan. No need to suddenly over control or feel that without good management, everything will fall apart. The chaos theory is all about the fact that out of disorder comes order. So the challenge is to let loose a little more. Can the children pack their own lunches, be responsible for school notes etc? Try to find new areas in which it is all about your child taking a little more control over themselves.

From my observations at school, I always found that when parents reduced their worry and felt less accountable for their children, they relaxed and often enjoyed the experiences of their children more fully. They enjoyed the little things and would often find pleasure in just the ordinary experiences of the day. It was like a cloud was lifted. Let loose a little and see the joy in the simple day-to-day experiences with your child.

‘I learnt that when you try to control everything, you enjoy nothing.’

                                                                                       -QuotesGram

Now after Mother's Day what is there to celebrate?

I say keep the party going by keeping your image above water.

The job of a mother is too complex to put in one sentence or paragraph. It is different for everyone and everyone will respond differently to being a mother. I believe there are some important thoughts you need to keep in mind as you enter the post-Mother’s Day period.

• You are human and this means you are allowed to make mistakes. In fact, your child will see the real you by being authentic. That’s all they want anyway.

• Being positive with your child all the time is hard work, so if you need a break from being a mum for a short while, take it. In the longer run, you will feel better and be happier. More content women make better mums.

• Don’t be too hard on yourself when the day doesn't work out the way you wanted it to. Sometimes, our children will be disappointed and that’s OK. They need to see and learn about the real world, that it doesn’t entirely revolve around them!

• Plan each day with yourself included. This could be just a short walk or sipping tea on your own. You have a right to feel content throughout the day.

• Remember that you don't have to do everything around the house. The more independent you make your children by giving them jobs, the better they will develop independent skills.

• Friends and chats have a great healing capacity. Make sure you allow personal time for chats with good friends throughout the week.

• Little treats help to keep up the spirits. Discover a treat that makes you feel good and build it in occasionally. Don’t feel guilty. Children need to see that you need nurturing as well.

• Remember that you are working hard to be the best mum. That means that you don’t need to knock yourself out all the time to prove it. Slow and steady nurturing parenting does the job. In the longer term, this is what is remembered and valued.

• Your child loves you for who you are. You don't need to keep justifying why you do the things you do, this can get very tiring. Just be content that you are a work in progress as a great mum. That’s good enough.

 Finally, keep up your dignity. Tired mums often feel lowly about themselves. A little lipstick and powder and the right t-shirt can lift the spirits for the day.

 Happy Mother’s Year 2023-2024.

Poor behaviour can get you down - 9 ways to better manage

From time to time, continued poor behaviour can be tiring and may cause a frustrated parent to overreact on the littlest of issues. It is always wise to remind yourself of one important fact, when taken seriously, it helps to ease the pressures when things just get too hard. Remember what you are seeing with your child is simply behaviour. It is acted out because of some reasons where satisfaction has not been gained. It is a call for help. It is not the nature of the child nor should you begin to feel guilty because you have feelings of not liking your child. What you do not like is the behaviour, which is temporary and is not the child.

Here are nine thoughts to help understand the best ways to respond when poor behaviour interferes with your relationship with your child:

1. Be a proactive parent. This is where you are actively engaged in their life and always on the lookout to be proactive. This means spending time with your child, talking to them, playing, reading together and encouraging independence. It is all about having an active presence in their life. You have more chance of being heard when disciplining and will be respected by your child when rules, routines and rituals are put in place to enrich the family.

2. Catch them when they are good and keep the affirmation at a high level. Be specific and let them know what you affirm them for rather than just general acknowledgement.‘Well done. You put the dishes away and now I can go to bed a little earlier.’

3. When problem behaviour occurs, try to think about what and why the behaviour has occurred. Finding the reason takes away the feelings of disappointment and reduces angry disappointed feelings. Listen to your child and hear what they have to say.

4. Prevention is better than cure. Here I suggest you make sure your child knows what is expected of them and this may mean demonstrating the expected behaviour to the child. Having regular routines is helpful in developing regular behaviour patterns. Younger children especially, may not know what is expected of them.

5. When disciplining, take care to criticise the behaviour of the child and not the child. Upset children can misinterpret very quickly that you dislike them. It is all about disliking the behaviour, not the child.

6. Learn to negotiate with your child and get them involved in talking about the consequences of their actions. Keep the punishment to only suit the crime and move on quickly. Never surprise your child with some new way of dealing with the problem. Keep consequences familiar and consistent. Check-in with them later to make sure you are back on track with your relationship.

7. Are there some situations that you can let go and decide that some things can just pass? It is OK to just forgive, forget and make a fresh start. This is important to be intuitive enough to know what is best left alone.

8. In solving problems, it is vital that it’s done with the child. Once the problem is established, look together at possible ways to deal with it. Together, choose a solution to trial. Try it and later evaluate if it worked. This is the best way to teach them how to solve problems.

9. Keep things as simple as possible. When a child is upset, their capacity to reason and be logical drops immensely. They need you to be clear about the concern and to direct them into managing the problem calmly and with a belief in solving the problem together.

Finally, when we think about supporting our children with behavioural issues and problems, keep in mind that children have rights. One is to be treated fairly and consistently. Parents have rights also. One is to decide what standards of behaviour are acceptable in their own home. The invitation is clear. Treat your child with dignity as you educate them into managing themselves in a loving, respectful family, where effective listening and appreciation of each others’ rights are paramount. This can start from a very early age.

‘Challenging behaviour occurs when the demands and expectations being placed upon a child outstrip the skills they have to respond.’

                                                                                  -Youth Dynamics