Nine Proactive Strategies for Fostering Mental Health in Children

Promoting mental health in children is of utmost importance, particularly in our current world.

Here are several insightful strategies that can be employed to nurture and sustain mental well-being in our young ones:

1. Demonstrate Positive Emotions: Being a consistent source of happiness and positivity around your child is critical. Let your joy radiate visibly, providing them with a secure feeling that everything is alright. Your smile can serve as a comforting reassurance.

2. Encourage Physical Activity: Exercise is known to boost mood and overall well-being. Engage in regular physical activities with your child and make it a family routine. This not only benefits their physical health but also their mental state.

3. Cultivate a Love for Music: Music has a profound impact on our emotions and can uplift the spirit. Incorporate a variety of music into your family life, utilising it as a background score to your everyday activities. This creates an ambience of positivity and serves as an effective stress reliever.

4. Foster Positive Associations: Direct your child's attention to the good things happening around them. Discuss amusing anecdotes, talk about jovial and optimistic individuals you know, and celebrate the positive aspects of life.

5. Promote Generosity: Demonstrate to your child the power of giving. Instilling a sense of generosity can enhance their mental well-being and give them a broader perspective on life. You can exemplify this through simple actions like donating toys they've outgrown.

6. Encourage Proper Rest: Adequate sleep is crucial for a child's mental and physical health. It helps their brain process the day's activities and sets them up for optimal performance the next day.

7. Teach Healthy Recreation: Equip them with various recreational activities like sports, reading, or simply relaxing. These pursuits can help them carve out mental space for themselves when needed. Your role modelling in this area is vital.

8. Cultivate a Sense of Humour: Encourage them to appreciate the lighter side of life. Too often we focus on the negatives or the potential risks, but teaching them to find humour can provide them with a more balanced view of life.

9. Nurture Social Relationships: Facilitate the presence of your child's friends in their lives. Friendships play a significant role in their social development, and your active involvement in fostering these relationships can be highly beneficial.
   
   Above all, it's crucial to create an environment where positivity thrives, life is cherished, and the world is perceived as a beautiful place to live. By being such a parent, you can positively shape your child's outlook and foster their mental health.

‘Life is always better with a smile on your face’

                    - Gail J Smith

How many battles do you need to win?

In the business of the week and with all sorts of family issues to address, the question is how many battles with your child do you want to win?

Perhaps the better question is, how many battles do you need to win to keep stability and balance in the home and to remain sane? Teachers are quite clever at picking their battles in the classroom. They recognise that some issues should simply be left alone. They have a way of taking care of themselves. Other issues can be dealt with at an appropriate time and some may need immediate action. The skill comes in recognising the issues that need addressing and why you, the teacher are concerned about them.

There are several factors that drive our motivation to deal with taking on battles with our children. These include:

• Tiredness.

• Preoccupation.

• Busy times.

• Focusing on what presses your buttons.

• Irritability.

• Opinions of others about your parenting.

• Wanting to always win.

• Frightened to be out of control as the parent.

What we need to do as parents is take a step back and when an issue has come up, try to reflect on how important is it to resolve.

• Is now the best time to deal with it?

• Are we in the best framework to manage the situation?

• Is it an important issue?

If you are questioning whether you want to deal with the issue, this is an excellent way to start reflecting on how, when and if necessary you will deal with it.

Here I say:

• Be confident that you will make the best decision of how to deal with it. After all you are now giving it some thought!

• Allowing time to reflect slows down some anxious thoughts and makes the situation less heated.

• You will evaluate the worth of going into battle if you simply stop and think about it.

• It is always important to evaluate why you are angry and this should guide you in the best response. What is driving your anger is an important and often revealing thought to explore.

Finally, our children challenge us in many ways. We are definitely challenged by simply choosing how we respond to those situations. Our response will dictate how our relationship keeps developing.

‘Perfect parents exist but they do not yet have children.’

-Unknown

Practical Ways to Nurture Learning: A Guide for Busy Parents

Parenting can be demanding, but incorporating learning into your child's daily life doesn't have to be an uphill struggle.

Here are some hands-on steps with accompanying examples to make the process easier and more enjoyable:

1. Establish Routines: Life's rhythm can simplify many things. Set up routines like breakfast time, homework hour, and bedtime rituals. For example, an after-school routine could involve a snack, a break, homework time, and then free play.
   
   2. Promote Positive Conversations: Maintain an encouraging dialogue about their school work. For instance, instead of concentrating on scores, discuss what they found exciting in their science project or history lesson.
   
   3. Utilise Incidental Learning: A casual chat during a car ride about how engines work or a discussion about photosynthesis while gardening can lead to learning moments.
   
   4. Optimise Lighting: A well-lit space enhances productivity. Ensure their study area has plenty of natural light during the day and an effective lamp for evening studies.
   
   5. Encourage Physical Activity: Play games that require movement, like a family soccer match. This balance ensures they're not stuck in front of screens all day.
   
   6. Initiate Engaging Conversations: Find topics they're interested in and discuss them. If your child loves space, for example, a dinner conversation might revolve around recent Mars missions.
   
   7. Celebrate Their Passions: Even if your child's fascination with drumming seems noisy, support them. Set 'drumming hours' to manage the noise and encourage their passion.
   
   8. Express Confidence in Them: Show excitement for what excites them. Your positive reactions, especially when they master a challenging task like a tough math problem, can do wonders for their confidence.
   
   9. Nurture a Reading Culture: Fill your home with varied reading materials. Leave books in their room, the living room, even in the kitchen. A family reading hour can be a fantastic daily habit.
   
   10. Foster Independence: Allow them to make choices, whether it's picking their outfit or deciding the weekend meal. This autonomy builds their confidence and decision-making skills.
   
   11. Model Positivity and Problem-Solving: Maintain a positive attitude and frame challenges as solvable problems. If a favourite toy gets lost, turn it into a fun detective game to find it.
   
   12. Personalised Learning: Tie their tasks to their interests. If your child is a football fan, use the sport to teach concepts such as angles and speed, or percentages by analysing player statistics.

Remember, every child learns differently. Embrace the diversity of experiences as learning opportunities and stay spontaneous. As Leonardo Da Vinci aptly put it, 'Learning never exhausts the mind.' This approach fosters a lifelong love of learning in your child.

Helping the shy, less confident child

For some of our children, finding the confidence to speak up is a hard process. In fact, it can become quite a habit to sit back, observe others and have no expectations of putting yourself forward in a group situation. The confident, more dominant personality, will take centre stage and the quieter child will become the audience. There are some strategies you can use to help build a child’s stamina in this area.

 Consider:

• If you are a louder, more prominent personality, try to tone it down around your child. They will step back and not engage as effectively if they feel that you are taking over.

• If there are other more confident siblings around, make sure that your quiet child gets their voice heard. Perhaps at dinner time, everyone takes turns to talk about their day.

• Reassure with plenty of ‘I’ statements. ‘I like it when you tell me what happened.’ ‘I am so happy to hear that story.’ ‘Well done. That is a great idea. Tell me more.’

• Choose your words carefully and avoid harsh criticism. This is such a setback for a less confident child. They remember all the negative words.

• Giving them more independence builds their self-confidence. Start doing things for them but pull back and let them finish the tasks.

• Exercise listening more to what they have to say. This will affirm their worth. Give excellent eye contact and undisturbed attention when they talk. Choose a special time on your own to have those chats.

• Talking in front of groups can be difficult. Invite them to practise in front of the family, talk about their hobbies etc.

• Joining extracurricular activities means they will need to engage with others. Being a team member means committing to collaboration and engagement with others. Learning an instrument means presenting in front of people. It all helps.

• Encourage friendships. Having a friend requires effort and commitment.

• Remember when you praise be specific. ‘I was so impressed with how you spoke to your friend who was upset. You were so sympathetic.’

• Use open-ended questions. This gives them scope to answer expressively. ‘Tell me about the project?’ ‘What have you learnt at basketball training today?” We don’t want ‘yes, no’ answers.

• Surprisingly shy children act out in plays very well. In fact, they enjoy taking on another character. Encourage joining a drama group or simply dress up and reenact fairy tales at home. Home can become a great uninhibited theatre for the whole family. Perhaps your child can act out what happened at school that day.

• Reading stories out loud to the whole family is helpful. How about a family novel where each child reads a small section after dinner?

• When you hear of some lack of confidence they display with regard to something at school, encourage them to set little goals to work on the issue. Then praise them for their efforts.

• Set realistic expectations at home. They want to please you and if they succeed they feel so much more secure in themselves.

• Play often with your child. This helps with building positive self-talk. They feel confident and happy to plough through the play and learn more about themselves.

Little by little your shy, less confident child can become quite a strong, capable personality over time. Slow, steady encouragement while at the same time respecting their emotional and social stage of development is the best way forward.

‘Believe you can and you’re halfway there.”

                                                                            -Theodore Roosevelt

How to motivate children to write

Teachers will work on teaching children the structures of writing. This does not have to be your job. However, there are some great ideas to stimulate your child to enjoy writing, These simple strategies can be applied at home and in an enjoyable way together. We want writing to simply flow from talking and reading.

Consider:

• Have fun making up sentences. For example. Start with: ‘Yesterday I learnt that……’ Let your child finish the sentence.

• Play the ‘And’ game.‘I opened my wardrobe and……’ ‘I walked to the park and….’

• Have an ideas book. Encourage them to write in it when they get an idea for a story. At the end of the week read out the ideas and have a chat together.

• Find a special writing space in your house. Make it creative with plenty of light and encourage children to use it when they get ideas for a story.

• Always have the writing materials available and ready to be used.

• Have fun in the car. ‘There I see a sad man on the corner. He looks…….’ Let them finish the sentence.

• When your child does write a story you can turn it into a book quite easily.

• Some children especially boys are more practical and like writing about real items. Suggest they write about their bike, ball games, sports activities, Lego sets etc. It does not have to be about fantasy all the time. Excellent writers can be practical writers who enjoy writing for a purpose.

• Encouraging drawing can lead to writing and this is helpful, especially for the reluctant young writer. Let them talk to you about their drawings and hear the story behind them.

• Be the model and write a lot. Keep all your lists available to be read. Together write messages that need to be remembered and used.

• Write a letter to someone together.

• When reading to your child invite them to make up a different ending to the story or perhaps change the beginning or introduce new characters. Read together and talk about the progress of the story.

• Message boards with notes to each other is a great visual tool to encourage writing.

• Encourage writing a journal. This can be their special words just for their eyes alone.

Finally, writing for many children takes time to evolve. Encourage them to write freely and without reserve. Accept their ideas and let them think through their sentences. The more they feel in control the less they rely on you and their ideas start to take shape. Here it is not about making or correcting their mistakes. No author would ever put punctuation and grammar ahead of good ideas. 

‘You can make anything by writing.’                                                                 -C.S.Lewis                 

Keeping perspective on what is important

Time goes so quickly with children. One minute they are a helpless infant and then the terrible two-year-old and then the sweet five-year-old ready for school. We cannot keep tabs on every moment, but we can try to reflect a little more deeply on just simply enjoying some moments, especially those that tell us more about our child.

I always remember how quickly a year went in a classroom. There were some precious moments with the children that you try and keep in your memory banks. Time can so easily diminish those memories.

This blog is inviting you to value those special moments as they will be those lasting and important memories going into your future. Do you remember when your child first walked? Perhaps you have a wonderful memory of them smiling at you for the first time. These special moments will become the fabric of your memories over the years. It is important to recognise that they have value and you need to look for those moments that are unique and special to you and your child. Their uniqueness makes them memorable.

Consider:

• The more you identify those special moments, the greater appreciation you have for your child’s development. You begin to notice so much more of their subtle aspects of growth.

• Each day, find something special that you notice about your child. Think about it and look for occasions when it is evident.

• Talk about those special moments to others. There is nothing more reinforcing than having conversations about those moments you cherished.

• Keep it simple. The very best moment can be found in the simplest of situations.

• Find humour in what your child does during the day. Try to avoid getting frustrated by their actions. In some cases, there can be quite delightful moments in seemingly difficult situations.

• If you see your child in a positive light, you will easily see those special moments in your child. They are not difficult to find.

• Sometimes saying nothing and just watching your child interacting with play or with others can give you such satisfaction.

• Some parents keep a journal of those special moments and enjoy going back over them through the years.

• Opportunities will pass you by if you are rushing through life. Each moment has its own merit and we often are too focused on what lies ahead and what we must do to get there.

• Never underestimate the value of that special moment that you are feeling with your child. It is precious and unique to you. Learn to look all around in odd places to find that moment.

• If you haven’t found that special moment for a while, take some time to slow down and just enjoy your child for a little while. That moment will come.

 Finally, because life is on the move all the time, freeze frame some moments to store for your future reflection of your child.

‘Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.’

 -Dr. Seuss

A happy classroom is a healthy place in which to learn

Children learn best when they are happy. We know that their learning involves a medley of cognitive, social, emotional and physical growth to make it all happen. However, the greatest catalyst for stimulating all those factors comes from a happy and emotionally sound classroom environment.

We know that if a child feels secure in these spaces, they are not questioning whether they are liked or valued, they are not looking over their shoulder to see if their peers are questioning what they have to say. Spontaneously and creatively they will question out loud and have a go at all types of problem-solving unafraid that getting something wrong matters. Such a utopia is certainly driven by high-quality teaching and it requires the skill of a teacher to make all children feel safe and welcome.

We know that to be an effective learner in any of those four areas as mentioned, you must be prepared to question, to probe and to feel comfortable to be yourself amongst all the others in the classroom.

Such a classroom is a hive of industry where children lay out their strengths and weaknesses and look to others to support their needs and together everyone collaborates and engages. This culture is a learning environment where success is inevitable.

Utopia you say. To some degree yes, as everyday is not perfect and that in its own right is about finding ways as a class and as an individual student to get better in some way or to simply learn from others. Failure is a natural process accepted in those settings as a legitimate way to learn.

It is always worthwhile checking in with your child about how happy they are in their classroom. No child should feel isolated or use disengaging tactics to survive. A regular check in with your child is helpful and if necessary you can do the following to help your child feel happier and settled at school.

• Always keep regular contact with the teacher. It is most important to let them know when your child is losing a sense of contentment in the classroom.

• Invite your child to write about their day at school. This can be quite revealing as well.

• It is also worthwhile to note if your child talks happily about their day at school. Some children are slow when questioned about their day but occasionally asking; ‘I am wondering what kind of a day you had today.”.. is reasonable.

• Notice if your child is engaging with their friends well. Are they coming home to play etc? Are they regularly mentioning their names in a happy way?

• Is your child showing interest in joining clubs etc. after school? This is often a sign of wanting to be included and of carrying on from engagement in the school day.

• Does your child talk positively about their teachers? When children feel accepted they are often buzzing around what the teacher did that day.

• Is your child quick to get up in the morning and get started for school? Reticent starts to the day can be a sign of feeling anxious about the forthcoming day.

School should be a happy place where a child feels stimulated to learn across those four levels. These include intellectual, emotional, social and physical. There is no one time where there is a complete picture of what is being learnt. There is no one assessment that can tell you everything as it is a gradual evolving exercise built around a strong encouraging environment. As a parent tap into it from time to time to ensure that for your child it is an alive and actively happy place.

‘Give the child a happy learning environment and watch how they    succeed.’

                                                      -Gail J Smith

Help your child improve their mental capacity

We can do many things to help our child improve their mental capacity. Some of them are very simple and are already in place. However, each day in different ways, we can keep building that capacity by challenging them across different formats.

• All children need adequate sleep. The rest they get will influence how they operate the next day. Teachers will tell you the difference it makes when a child comes to school having not slept well. Their learning capacity is considerably down and their mood and temperament makes them have quite a sluggish and dull day.

• Teach your child different ways to self-regulate. This is all about being self-disciplined and emotionally capable of controlling themselves. In the home, there are many ways in which your child can be disciplined and together work on their ability to manage themselves, show independence and take ownership of jobs and duties around the house. Your patience and tolerance are needed here.

• Play games with your child. Read with them and challenge each other through board games. All this is about building mental capacity and teaching them to work on problem-solving and healthy competition. Let them see that you enjoy problem-solving with them.

• Conversations at home should be open and as positive as possible. Give your child plenty of room to talk and tell their story. Be an effective listener so they feel that they are taken seriously. Having family discussions and debates stimulates their thinking and encourages healthy dialogue. Allow them to be confident in what they have to say.

• Challenge them through problem-solving of all sorts. This could be driving in the car and searching for addresses. It could be working through a recipe, fixing broken toys, building Lego shapes etc. When you see an opportunity for them to problem solve, invite them to have a go. Look to them for assistance in solving the problem. Let them know that you work through the solution together.

• When they ask questions throw the concept back with another question:‘You want to know why that lid doesn't open? Have you seen other jars like that before?’ It’s all about posing inquiring questions that make them think through solutions themselves. Let them accept that you will not always give them the answer.

• Laugh a lot and enjoy the jokes that you share with each other. Developing a sense of humour also enlightens the mental capacity to see the world from a different perspective. The world is not always black and white.

• Do crosswords together. Perhaps a jigsaw or have an ongoing game of Scrabble on the table. Keep them working on thinking through the process.

• When school problems arise, especially with friends, talk through possible solutions that can be managed by your child. Let them see that you expect them to have an idea of how best to solve it. Emotional challenges are sometimes difficult for children but mentally, they need to work through the process as best they can. The more they can regulate their emotional responses, the stronger their mental capacity.

• Teaching gratitude in your child is also a strengthening mental process. People that show and demonstrate gratitude have a stronger mental approach to life. 

Finally, there are many and varied ways to strengthen a child’s mental capacity. Just be the catalyst that presents challenges and doesn't always offer the solution. Value what contributions they make. After a while, the child takes more ownership of themselves and feels mentally safer and confident.

‘Be the catalyst to a healthy mental approach for your child.’

                                             -Gail J Smith

Keep our children active and physical

We are often focused on developing our intelligence which involves social, emotional and cognitive skills. What we need to keep in mind is that physical activity connects very much to our developing mindset and that children need to keep working on their physical development throughout their lives. In some cases, this is not difficult, as many children demand to be active and commit to different sports etc. very early in their life. There are of course some children who are reticent to be active and participate in team sports which are so beneficial for them on a range of levels.

There is considerable evidence that mental well-being is improved through physical activity. The synchronicity of mind and body is critical to good mental health. Who doesn’t really feel good when they are not physically active and moving well? Learning involves the brain, the body and the soul. At any age, physical activity helps us grow and feel so much better in ourselves. We learn better, we think better and we act better when we are more active.

This article is to remind us of the importance of keeping our children active and invigorating their days with movement of some sort.

Consider:

• When a child joins a sporting team, they gain immense skills in socially engaging with others, learning to be a team member and working in a collaborative manner under pressure.

• Keep your child regularly active. Consider joining them daily with a bike ride or just a walk around the park. The habit is a powerful reminder of what will make a difference to them in the long run.

• Use your backyard. Put up a basketball ring, a bounce set etc. Let them use all their domestic spaces to exercise and feel free.

• Talk about physical fitness frequently. Chat about heroes that work to keep fit.

• Set up routines with physical fitness for the family. It might be weekly bike rides or walks in parks. Develop a pattern where your children think that routine fitness is a family affair and one that is important to you.

• We often find after exercise that we are mentally more alert and keen to take on the challenges of the day. Choose the best time of the day for family exercise. Timing is everything in this matter.

• School has excellent opportunities for children to join various sporting teams. Encourage this and support them by attending sessions where possible. Children learn a lot more social skills when playing sports with peers. They also learn about empathy and cooperation as a team member.

• If your child does not show interest in sports, at least take them walking, hiking, cycling etc. to keep them interested in being physical. Competitive sport is not for everyone. Lead by example and take them along for different physical experiences.

• Children talk up their sports and enjoy engaging with each other through games etc. Keep your child aware of the value of being active and physical. This keeps them in tune with their peers and strengthens their relationships with them.

• No child likes to feel unaligned with their peers. Being in tune with their physical needs and educated in the value of physical fitness gives them mental aptitude. They cope well with their peers and feel equal.

• It is all about alignment with mind and body. As your child grows, teach them that being physically active can improve general health and give them a great sense of personal satisfaction. As they become more familiar with the benefits of being fit they will want to keep up the momentum. They will notice the difference themselves.

Finally, with all that is said today about mental health, I cannot recommend anything better for family stability than collective involvement in family physical activities. It is so good for the body and spirit and that wonderful sense of togetherness without complications.

‘Exercise not only changes your body, it changes your mind, your attitude and your mood’’

                                                                                          Unknown

Can we control everything?

At this stage of the year, there are plans to be made and decisions settled on for the year, especially regarding school. The question I pose is, is it necessary to be in control of everything?

There is always a small control freak in all of us. If not fragrantly displayed, it’s hidden somewhere in the deep recesses of our mind which, on occasion, makes its appearance. The more we know and the more we control, the safer we often feel.

Your children are taking on a new leaf at school this year. They are going up a notch and teachers will expect them to take on more responsibility. Perhaps this is a time to let loose a little and not be so preoccupied with everything that happens around your child. They may start telling you a little less about their day. That’s OK!

Here are some sound reasons for controlling a little less and supporting a little more of your child’s sense of personal freedom:

• You certainly control your opinions but not always the external events that happen around your child. They are independent of you.

• Developing an honest understanding of what is really within our control makes for realistic thinking and reduces worry.

• The challenges put ahead of your child at school are their challenges and should, to a large degree, be managed by them. Of course, when issues are out of control, parental support may be necessary.

• The more we let them develop independent thought and self-manage their plans the more they slowly and steadily grow stronger. The cocoon is dying and the butterfly will arise with strength and beauty after its struggle to come through that dark cocoon.

• The research is clear. If a child takes ownership of their own life, they learn faster and develop independent thinking earlier and display more creative thought. They become less vulnerable to risk, are more resilient and feel happier in themselves. This builds healthy mental habits.

• If we take too much control, a child will no longer own the problem and pass it over to you. It becomes your problem. Time and time again I have seen this at school when a parent wants to solve their child’s problems.

• When you listen to your child talking about an issue, listen with interest and sincerity, but first, see it as their problem where you have some clear expectation that they will try to solve it. ‘I am sad to hear that Mark was mean to you at school. I am wondering how you will deal with that?’

• With each new year at school comes differing challenges. Reflect on how your child is choosing to manage them and quietly step back where possible.

• Think about your role as a parent. Do you have all the answers to your child’s needs? It is another generation with shifting expectations. You are there to listen and support, perhaps consult, but it is their world to own. It is their world to solve. Slightly different in expectations from yours.

• School holidays are over, but that does not mean that we take some of that relaxed summer feel into our new year plan. No need to suddenly over control or feel that without good management, everything will fall apart. The chaos theory is all about the fact that out of disorder comes order. So the challenge is to let loose a little more. Can the children pack their own lunches, be responsible for school notes etc? Try to find new areas in which it is all about your child taking a little more control over themselves.

From my observations at school, I always found that when parents reduced their worry and felt less accountable for their children, they relaxed and often enjoyed the experiences of their children more fully. They enjoyed the little things and would often find pleasure in just the ordinary experiences of the day. It was like a cloud was lifted. Let loose a little and see the joy in the simple day-to-day experiences with your child.

‘I learnt that when you try to control everything, you enjoy nothing.’

                                                                                       -QuotesGram

Watch out for self doubting. It can creep in slowly and stealthily

Now that children are back at school and getting orientated around a new school year, keep an eye out for the creeping nature of self-doubting or more destructively known as self-downing. Children are very prone to make comparisons with other children. It is natural. What is a concern is when they begin to see themselves as less worthy or less capable. They can make strong connections between their self-worth and their performance.

From an early age, we need to build a sense of self-acceptance. This is separate from performance. It is all about building a strong self-image and yes that will come with some failures and lack of success from time to time. That’s touching on building resilience which should strengthen self-acceptance.

Consider:

• Be repetitive. Tell them often that they are worthwhile and outline what makes them unique.

• Notice that they start to recognise that they can’t be perfect at everything and affirm that concept.‘Well done. You know how capable you are and sometimes not everything goes your way. That’s normal.’

• Teach them by your own example, that making mistakes is natural. It has nothing to do with how worthwhile you are as a person. You still like and value who you are.

• Show them that we all have strengths and weaknesses. It’s part of life. Let them see that we can also learn from experiences where we are a little weak. That makes us stronger and feeds into our self-worth.

• I have heard of an activity where you set up a box and from time to time, write down qualities that you notice about your child. Some parents do this as a journal and at the end of each week, they talk about what the journal has to say. Children love hearing about themselves in such a way.

• Watch the language. Take care not to use downing words with your child. When they hear them, that is all they hear, even though you may have thought what you had to say was helpful. Downing words are powerful destroyers of rational thinking.

• When your child tells you that others have put them down, remind them that sticks and stones may break bones but they are fly-away words. Teach them to shut down when they hear such negative talk. Learning to shut down on such words reminds them that self-approval will not be interfered with by such talk. I am stronger than this!   

• Always keep in touch with your child’s teacher if your child is troubled by some downing at school. Teachers are very skilled at managing these issues which can become quite unsettling in classroom situations from time to time.

• Listen to the conversations they have about self-acceptance. For example, if they feel they are useless because they failed a test, put it into perspective.‘OK, so this test you were not successful in but given how determined and capable you are, you can move on from this test’.

Here you are separating their sense of being worthwhile from a simple test.

• When you spot examples of them talking about how they feel strong and competent, jump on it and reinforce the various aspects you notice that demonstrate their personal strength. Try not to use general words but rather be specific.‘You are so skilled in organising those games with your friends. So wonderful to be an organiser.”

In your day-to-day experiences, talk about how mistakes are natural. Just making a mistake is part of how we learn. It does not reflect who we are or suggest how vulnerable we are as people. At all times remind them that they are worthwhile and have much to offer the world. 

                  ‘The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.’

                                                                                       -Sylvia Plath

14 easy parenting strategies

There are countless ideas in parenting courses, not the least of which is from my book: ‘The Primary Years. A principal’s perspective on raising happy kids.’ Here I have compiled a list of easy-to-apply strategies that can have a remarkable impact on making parenting a little easier. These strategies will be well received by your child who feels more easily connected to you. We could call them the simple language of parenting.

Consider:

• Become a natural, spontaneous parent in praising children where possible. Try to mention why you are praising them. This hits home very quickly with a child.

• Behaviour that we favour is especially valuable in rewarding. ‘You are such a caring person to hug your little brother when he cries.’

• Be very clear when setting expectations. Keep the message short and use simple words that make it easy for a child to translate. Sometimes asking them to repeat back what was asked of them ensures that everyone is on the same page. This is especially important for younger children.

• Be a problem solver with your child. Sit with them and together execute planned ways of looking at problems together. Share in the process of working through problems and make it a family habit. Point out that you do not have, nor should you have all the answers.

• Slow down the anger. Being quick to anger can escalate the problem. Allowing some breathing space brings the anger down a notch or two. It also gives you time to better assess the situation.

• Live out your values happily. Talk about them often. This way your child knows what is important to you even though they will change over time.

• Gradually provide opportunities for building your child’s independence. From the minute they are born, we should be finding ways to let them build their independence.

• Involve your child in family decision-making. This can be part of your family culture to be inclusive and to engage with them about holidays, activities etc.

• Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. This means that you are prepared to listen and compromise. This is all about being fair, just and respecting your child’s opinions.

• Wherever possible be the coach not the lecturer. This is about giving independent guidance but not having expectations that they will always follow suit.

• Create a safe happy home where your child feels that they have a voice and are valued.

• When setting expectations, make them age appropriate and realistic. This way, your child will not be overwhelmed or feel intimidated.

• Create a home that is also a creative and positive learning environment. Spread books around the house, ensure that there is plenty of light and good study facilities near and around the family room. Have music playing. Talk about articles you have read.

• Be engaged and involved with your child’s school. Talk about it a lot and show interest in what work comes home. Volunteer and find out how you can support the school.

This list gives you some ideas for building a stronger relationship with your child. You can, with practice, get better at using these strategies and once you feel some success it is amazing how you condition yourself to keep them up. You may find that some will be easier to adopt than others. You may also find that you are successfully and naturally doing these strategies already. If so just keep up the great work!

‘The golden rule of parenting is to always show your children the kind of person you want them to be’

-Elizabeth Roxas

Now after Mother's Day what is there to celebrate?

I say keep the party going by keeping your image above water.

The job of a mother is too complex to put in one sentence or paragraph. It is different for everyone and everyone will respond differently to being a mother. I believe there are some important thoughts you need to keep in mind as you enter the post-Mother’s Day period.

• You are human and this means you are allowed to make mistakes. In fact, your child will see the real you by being authentic. That’s all they want anyway.

• Being positive with your child all the time is hard work, so if you need a break from being a mum for a short while, take it. In the longer run, you will feel better and be happier. More content women make better mums.

• Don’t be too hard on yourself when the day doesn't work out the way you wanted it to. Sometimes, our children will be disappointed and that’s OK. They need to see and learn about the real world, that it doesn’t entirely revolve around them!

• Plan each day with yourself included. This could be just a short walk or sipping tea on your own. You have a right to feel content throughout the day.

• Remember that you don't have to do everything around the house. The more independent you make your children by giving them jobs, the better they will develop independent skills.

• Friends and chats have a great healing capacity. Make sure you allow personal time for chats with good friends throughout the week.

• Little treats help to keep up the spirits. Discover a treat that makes you feel good and build it in occasionally. Don’t feel guilty. Children need to see that you need nurturing as well.

• Remember that you are working hard to be the best mum. That means that you don’t need to knock yourself out all the time to prove it. Slow and steady nurturing parenting does the job. In the longer term, this is what is remembered and valued.

• Your child loves you for who you are. You don't need to keep justifying why you do the things you do, this can get very tiring. Just be content that you are a work in progress as a great mum. That’s good enough.

 Finally, keep up your dignity. Tired mums often feel lowly about themselves. A little lipstick and powder and the right t-shirt can lift the spirits for the day.

 Happy Mother’s Year 2023-2024.

How to get the best from your child's teacher

Teachers lead a busy, demanding, life and each day presents a range of challenges that can surprise them in so many ways. Being in tune with the teacher and sensitive to the changeable nature of their day can mean that you get the best from your teacher when you want and need a chat with them.

Here are some reflections that might help you plan a more productive time with the teacher.

• Sometimes talking about matters on the hop at the classroom door can be frustrating for you and the teacher. Gauge how busy the teacher is, if you wish to approach them at the beginning or end of the day. Sometimes this can be not the best time to resolve matters. You may leave feeling quite frustrated. Respect the business of that time.

• If you have several matters to discuss, I recommend writing a list. Three points at the most. Make an appointment with the teacher. This way they are better prepared and more relaxed to chat.

• Take care if you have an issue regarding an incident in which your child was involved. Talk as though you appreciate that your child may have some accountability in the issue. There is nothing more frustrating for a teacher when a parent doesn't take a balanced approach. Your teacher is very astute at seeing how your child works and operates around their peers. You want and need an honest appraisal of the situation.

• If you are meeting to talk about concerns, ask about the positive aspects that your teachers see in your child. This is always important for a teacher to talk about the aspects that they really love about their students. This changes the tone of a meeting in a heartbeat.

• Occasional notes to your teacher thanking them for noticeable care of your child goes a long way. You can imagine that many of the parent calls they receive are always about problems.

• Helping in the classroom also creates a positive, more authentic relationship with your child’s teacher. Here they are prepared to be public with their teaching and your confidentiality and professional approach goes a long way to building relationships.

• Remember that if you have concerns regarding some matter in the classroom always address it to the teacher first, not the Principal. This shows loyalty and trust. Obviously, if the problem is unresolved then you could take it further.

• Try not to write long emails that are all about a concern that has unsettled you. These can be quite frustrating to teachers and if written late at night, a teacher can find them quite intrusive and in some cases intimidating. If unsettled about something, deal with it in the morning and make that appointment. Sometimes waiting some time can get you to reflect more reasonably on what is best to talk about. Angry emails only complicate the situation.

Teachers spend an amazing amount of time with your child throughout the year. It is a privileged position and gives an amazing insight into your child. Trust what they have to say and support their work throughout the year. In this way, your child and yourself will get the very best from their school experience.

         ‘Your children need your presence more than your presents.

                                                                               -Jesse Jackson.

Poor behaviour can get you down - 9 ways to better manage

From time to time, continued poor behaviour can be tiring and may cause a frustrated parent to overreact on the littlest of issues. It is always wise to remind yourself of one important fact, when taken seriously, it helps to ease the pressures when things just get too hard. Remember what you are seeing with your child is simply behaviour. It is acted out because of some reasons where satisfaction has not been gained. It is a call for help. It is not the nature of the child nor should you begin to feel guilty because you have feelings of not liking your child. What you do not like is the behaviour, which is temporary and is not the child.

Here are nine thoughts to help understand the best ways to respond when poor behaviour interferes with your relationship with your child:

1. Be a proactive parent. This is where you are actively engaged in their life and always on the lookout to be proactive. This means spending time with your child, talking to them, playing, reading together and encouraging independence. It is all about having an active presence in their life. You have more chance of being heard when disciplining and will be respected by your child when rules, routines and rituals are put in place to enrich the family.

2. Catch them when they are good and keep the affirmation at a high level. Be specific and let them know what you affirm them for rather than just general acknowledgement.‘Well done. You put the dishes away and now I can go to bed a little earlier.’

3. When problem behaviour occurs, try to think about what and why the behaviour has occurred. Finding the reason takes away the feelings of disappointment and reduces angry disappointed feelings. Listen to your child and hear what they have to say.

4. Prevention is better than cure. Here I suggest you make sure your child knows what is expected of them and this may mean demonstrating the expected behaviour to the child. Having regular routines is helpful in developing regular behaviour patterns. Younger children especially, may not know what is expected of them.

5. When disciplining, take care to criticise the behaviour of the child and not the child. Upset children can misinterpret very quickly that you dislike them. It is all about disliking the behaviour, not the child.

6. Learn to negotiate with your child and get them involved in talking about the consequences of their actions. Keep the punishment to only suit the crime and move on quickly. Never surprise your child with some new way of dealing with the problem. Keep consequences familiar and consistent. Check-in with them later to make sure you are back on track with your relationship.

7. Are there some situations that you can let go and decide that some things can just pass? It is OK to just forgive, forget and make a fresh start. This is important to be intuitive enough to know what is best left alone.

8. In solving problems, it is vital that it’s done with the child. Once the problem is established, look together at possible ways to deal with it. Together, choose a solution to trial. Try it and later evaluate if it worked. This is the best way to teach them how to solve problems.

9. Keep things as simple as possible. When a child is upset, their capacity to reason and be logical drops immensely. They need you to be clear about the concern and to direct them into managing the problem calmly and with a belief in solving the problem together.

Finally, when we think about supporting our children with behavioural issues and problems, keep in mind that children have rights. One is to be treated fairly and consistently. Parents have rights also. One is to decide what standards of behaviour are acceptable in their own home. The invitation is clear. Treat your child with dignity as you educate them into managing themselves in a loving, respectful family, where effective listening and appreciation of each others’ rights are paramount. This can start from a very early age.

‘Challenging behaviour occurs when the demands and expectations being placed upon a child outstrip the skills they have to respond.’

                                                                                  -Youth Dynamics

What about our so-called underachievers?

I have real concerns about the word ‘underachiever’, especially when referring to children. This implies there are children who can perform much better, but actually do not perform well. The name and hence label ‘underachiever’ puts a very damning perception on a child. It implies that they are just not up to the mark and will always be below the line.

In my experience as a school principal for 30 years, I have seen many children, who for a variety of reasons, underperform in some way. Yet over those same years, through sound support and shifting social and emotional growth, they no longer underperform. We all are evolving and morphing into well-rounded human beings. There will always be variations as we grow in how we perform.

If a child has a perception that they are an underperformer, they feel a sense of failure in many and varied ways. It totally saturates their sense of self-worth and their endeavours to do better are very poor. They have little motivation to change that perception.

Here are some reflections to help your child if they feel they are underachieving:

• Look at your own parental attitudes towards achievement. Take care not to demand unrealistic high performance. Are your expectations appropriate in light of your child’s anxiety in this area? Remember every child is different.

• If you have little interest in your child’s performance and general school work, they can’t see the point in trying too hard. Always show interest that demonstrates excitement in their work. It is easy to disengage when interest from parents is low.

• Be careful not to put your child down if they perform less than perfect. Always acknowledge their efforts, applaud the process and celebrate how far they have come. Affirming their performance only because it reaches your suitable expectations can lead a child to be very angry, frustrated and disheartened. They will feel despondent because they cannot reach such expectations all the time.

• Some children will underperform, as they do not want to be different from their peers. I have seen this quite a few times. Easier to be one of the gang, than to stand out with a good effort. In this case, discussions need to be had with the teacher to establish how socially active your child is and how they engage with others. This is more about self-esteem matters.

• If your child is underachieving, take little steps. Affirm their work along the way. If they write a story, affirm the stages they are at and compliment them on their efforts.

• Play games where they sometimes win and talk about the fun of having a go and succeeding. Simple games like snakes and ladders can build confidence in young children. Building blocks are a great tool for seeing success through the endeavour.

• If your child hates chores and says they are boring, simplify the chore. When they finish, have some fun and tell them how finishing the chore makes your life easier.

• Select small attainable goals at home. They will be less frustrated as quickly and feel that they want to finish it off. Sometimes doing the goal with them can be helpful as well.

• It can become a habit to underachieve. Find occasions at home to notice when they did complete tasks well. Talk about them and make a fuss about the success it showed.

• Use positive upbeat language. Not words that can easily put down your child. Words like:‘Wonderful effort’,‘Great show’, ‘Much appreciated’, ‘What an outstanding effort’ and‘Wow what a great job’. It’s all about getting them to hear positive thoughts about their achievements, no matter how inconsequential.

• Little positive notes around the house, in their bedroom and in lunchboxes, about how they did well to achieve certain things is a very effective visual way of letting them feel like an achiever. I used to put a little positive note in each child’s desk each night. This made such a difference to their motivation and drive.

We all have periods of underachieving. Our children will have shifting emotions that, from time to time, may lead them down that path. Just keep up the positive talk and minimise occasions where that sense of hopelessness and reduced drive can linger longer. We don’t want over-achievers; we want natural achievers. 

‘The achiever is the only individual who is truly alive.’

                                                                                          George Allen

9 ideas to get the term off to a good start

Term two begins in school with a whole different feel. By now there is a general expectation that relationships have formed in the classroom and that children have a good understanding of where they sit with their teacher. Not to say that this is still a work in progress and children need to feel secure and valued over the school year. Sometimes, with more vulnerable children, that can take some time to develop.

1. Routines should be well set up at home. This should especially apply to before-school routines and homework patterns. Providing such an order does keep children busy and focused. This reduces small anxieties about school that can creep up, particularly in the morning.

2. Every now and then check in with your child that they are keeping in touch with their teacher. A measure of this is usually that they talk about them at home. If you have concerns, talk to your child and follow up with the teacher. They need to be kept in the loop.

3. Routines are well underway in a classroom. Children know the routines, the regular test patterns and the extras that are built into the day. Chat about how their day works. This shows interest and that you have up-to-date information.

4. The teacher will have set expectations of how the children should work by now. It is important that your child understands and is in the swing of following the routines of the school day. A chat at home is also helpful here.

5. Sometimes, with younger children, fatigue can set in and occasionally you may hear ‘I don’t want to go to school.’ Sometimes it comes in the form of stomach aches etc. Here it is important to be strong and keep up with regular school attendance. Research shows that more and more absences from school becomes a habit and has a significant impact on learning.

6. Try to keep up with parent nights, sports days etc. I know the year gets complicated but your continual, ongoing presence in their school life, keeps their optimism up for the year. It can wain once the weather gets colder and days darker.

7. As the winter sets in and the children seem less engaged, maybe this could be the time to throw in some treats or simply reduce duties etc. A little lighter period on everyone can ease the winter blues.

8. Keep up the important family rituals such as having meals together. Such regularity helps everyone feel consistently connected and necessary.

9. Bedtime rituals are important as the year rolls on. Children enjoy that time to often disclose concerns or simply feel connected in a special way to their parents.

Finally, the school year can be challenging for some children. It can also put undue strain on a family that is busy and has a range of expectations. As a parent, keeping the happy momentum is what it is all about. This may need some adjustment and maybe adaptation from time to time. It may also require that you check in with your own needs across the year. Your mental health has a direct impact on the well-being of your children.

         ‘One way to keep up the momentum going is to have constantly greater goals.’

 -Michael Korda

Be confident as a parent you have what it takes

By nature of being a parent, you come with many capabilities. It is easy to underestimate how skilled you are, but by nature of being an adult, you have already learnt many skills that can be translated into useful tips for your child. A parent who feels confident about their skills gives a strong message to their child and this feeds into successful parenting. Confidence breeds reassurance in others.

It is also natural to feel anxious about providing the best advice and council to your growing child. After all, the world they are entering has altered from your world and the skills they need have shifted from the demands and expectations placed on you whilst growing up.

Here are a few thoughts on feeling and growing confident in being the best parent possible:

• Never underestimate your child. Understand that they have special gifts that are unique to them and that we should focus on all that makes them special and unique. Consider that they may not understand you, but your task is to understand them and respect what it is that they want. This can be difficult, but to understand them better you need to understand their world. You have more confidence in supporting your child when you really feel you know them.

• Take care not to compare. Each child is an individual and thinks and processes quite differently. We need to understand how they think and what drives their world. The more we show respect and understand our child, the greater union between you and your child.

• The education of your child takes such a priority. Know what your child is learning. Be part of that journey. Show interest and be available when and if they need your support. Learning is a lifelong journey and it happens in many ways. Your child needs to see that you are open to learning yourself and enjoying their journey through their schooling years. Don’t be anxious about what you know and what you have to offer. You have much to offer!!!

• Know that learning more about parenting is what all parents can benefit from. Read books on parenting. Look up journal items etc. Gain information and be an ongoing learner in the field of parenting.

• Find creative ways to be family. Real learning comes from joint experiences. Rock climb together. Kayak as a family. Keep the adventure coming. Take a few risks together. This always strengthens the bonding and builds family confidence.

• An important and easy way to parent well is to set up stable routines. Here, I refer to meal times, chores, morning expectations etc. Routine gives you clear directions and everyone knows what the expectations are for all. Start early when the children are little.

• You know your child very well. Have faith in your gut and intuitive sense. Parents have a natural sense when it comes to intuitive matters. Rely on your good sense when talking and negotiating with your child. But be an effective listener!

• Be natural and accept your mistakes. Children respect you when you show your human face and act in an authentic way. Nothing is gained by false confidence or bravado. Show them it is OK to make a mistake and that you can grow and learn from making mistakes. You will be less anxious about making errors when you accept that making mistakes is a normal part of parenting.

• Being a strong, active presence in the life of your child is a powerful way to parent well. Never underestimate that such a presence presents confidence and reassurance with all its foibles and successes.

• You will see many models of parenting over the years. Some will come with outstanding qualifications and some will challenge you especially when your child says: ‘Mary’s parents let her go to the party!’

Don’t be put off by all the models of ‘would be’ great parenting. You are the parents. You are the rock and you have such sensitivity to your child, that can only be understood by the intimacy of being their parent. Despite the fact that you may not have all the answers, you are there for all the right reasons. Just ensure that you listen effectively and are prepared to appreciate other ways of seeing the world. With confidence, you are in the best position to deal with many and varied matters of childhood.

Over the years in my role as Principal, I saw many families crossing my door. It was always a joy to observe families who were closely bonded by the nature of who they were. These families enjoyed being part of their family where expectations were normal, understanding and tolerance strong and no undue pressure appeared to bother them. Family for them was a natural process, with all its foibles and successes. Being family shouldn’t be complicated and above all you, the parent have much to offer your fledglings.

         ‘Behind every young child who believes in himself is a parent who believed in him first.’

                                                                                           - Pinterest

Parent involvement reaps all the benefits

No doubt about it, when parents are actively involved and interested in their child’s learning, the child has an optimal chance of being successful at school.

When your child feels that their school life is connected to their home life and that parents enjoy and participate where possible, great expectations are the order of the day.

Here are some of the outcomes when parents show interest in their child’s schooling:

• A child will have a more positive attitude to their work when they know that parents are interested in what they are learning. This becomes a normal part of home life, talking about the activities and discussions held at school.

• Reading accelerates early when parents engage with them in reading at home. Keep books visible around the house and demonstrate to your child that reading is a natural family experience across the week.

• Parents interested in their child’s learning are always keen to be around at homework time. They understand that there are expectations set by the school and their support makes it easier for children to fall into the routine of doing homework.

• Interested parents are naturally encouraging their children in the whole learning process. Therefore, it’s no surprise that these children are developing an interest in learning and higher education.

• A parent involved in their child’s education also gains some joy from learning new ways and being part of the bigger life of the school. There is nothing more enriching than a school community in full swing.

• When school problems appear, engaged parents are quick to respond and given their insightfulness, problems can be solved more quickly and with less interference.

• Parents engaged with the school build a strong relationship with the teachers. This makes such a difference when issues occur. Teachers are more at ease with interested parents. They feel very comfortable talking to them.

• Talking about school regularly as a family builds a happy image of the paramount importance of school in the life of the child and family.

• A great way to support your child’s learning is to set an example by reading, writing and engaging in other learning activities. Children then see how you value the learning process for yourself.

• A parent is involved when they develop a communication style that invites questions, enjoys problem-solving and having open conversations. The more you show an inquisitive style to a conversation and invite alternative solutions to problems, the more you are teaching your child to think laterally and become a problem solver.

• Proudly boast your child’s school work by having pieces on display around the house. This shows your approval and praise of their work.

• Children who get support from parents do feel more competent at learning. Parent support gives them this boost. It also keeps their interest in attending school regularly.

• When parents show interest the child is happier and their morale is high. This affects their whole disposition to school. They are more inclined to be interested in engaging in more activities.

• Teaching children to value education and is solidified if parents are actively interested in their child’s learning.

Finally, enjoy the journey. You will learn so much from being an active participant in your child’s learning. Nothing is ever lost from exposure to learning and your child will feel more secure knowing that you are walking the path with them.

                          ‘If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.’

-Milton Berle

At what age should a child start at school?

This is always a serious question that parents ask and it does require some thought and primarily, an understanding of your child. I have seen many children start school far too early and this will bring some concerns that can have an impact on the child’s happiness level and sense of feeling connected and successful.

Here are some thoughts to get you thinking about the suitability of school for your child:

• If your child is age appropriate to go to school, generally this will give them the maturity to cope, especially with the prep year. Talk to your kinder teacher who would have an excellent understanding of their readiness.

• Keep in mind that whilst prep is all about getting familiar with the teacher and class, by the end of term one, teachers are working hard to get the children on the reading continuum. It would be fair to say that this can cause some concern for children who take longer. As the year progresses, there is marked acceleration with a prep class and the expectations will rise as the year progresses. Such acceleration is often driven by the excited preps who are doing well, converse easily and socialise well.

• Is your child developing language skills and some mathematical vocabulary? This is a positive sign when they comfortably can demonstrate such developing skills. Kindergarten focuses on number facts and language skills.

• As a family, are you ready for your child to start school? Think about support networks for the child. Is the home set up to enable the child to read at home and do school activities? At home is the child developing independent skills? Do they dress themselves, toilet properly and have some independent chores? The home and family settings should both show signs of readiness for school.

• Socially, your child should and will form friends over time. This can be an easy experience for some, but less mature children are often not ready to engage, converse and interact at a level that is of a faster pace.

• Remember that once your child starts school, the likelihood of repeating a year, if you believe that they need it, is strongly discouraged in schools. They will argue that it will interfere with their social world and give the child a sense of failure. Repeating a class has been done occasionally and in many cases, the child moves schools to make it more socially comfortable for them. It can be done successfully, but needs careful management and support from the school and parents.

• The prep year is a long year for your child. They will need to be prepared to be able to learn the routine, sustain a whole day of curriculum and keep up socially with the life of the school as it unfolds for them. Emotional regulation is important as many challenges appear across the school day.

• In prep, there is a high expectation from the teacher that you have a strong presence. They will invite you into various classroom activities and set expectations that you may help in the classroom. Once your child is at school, your world will change as you become an active participant in their learning and daily expectations.

• If your child is going to school in the new year, talk about the school, visit it with your child, drive past it regularly and chat about the exciting journey they will have. Which is excellent preparation work for their transition to school.

• Prep teachers are chosen with great care and consideration for the age of the children. You should feel very comfortable approaching your child’s prep teacher throughout the year. It is also important that your child sees you having a relationship with the teacher. This is all about building trust which is so important to your child.

Finally, a prep year starts with great excitement and anticipation of what lies ahead. Your child will mould themselves into the prep year. There will be some anxiety about making it successful. The best opportunities come when they are receptive to what is offered, are able to emotionally engage with the journey of friends and success and feel that they are in an environment that makes their parent’s happy. Your role in acceptance and participation in their prep year is critical for success. Their readiness for school will be linked to your preparedness to have your child at school.

         ‘Your education is a dress rehearsal for a life that is yours to lead.’

                                             -Nora Ephron