Six mini moments of joy and care to your child

Here are some ideas for giving mini moments of support and encouragement to your child. It is amazing how little encouragement along the way can make all the difference for your child. It doesn’t have to be long and protracted. It just needs to be spontaneous and joyful where the child feels happy, reassured and valued.

1. Getting Closer: Hugging and comforting your child help you become closer, like best friends. It makes them feel safe and close to you.

2. Understanding Feelings: When your child is sad or mad, talking to them and comforting them helps them understand and deal with their feelings better.

3. Feeling Awesome: Saying nice things about what your child does, even if it's a small thing, makes them feel great about themselves. It’s all about positive talk.

4. Being Kind: When you show kindness to your child, like helping them when they're hurt or upset, they learn to be kind to others too. This develops empathy and sympathy.

5. Growing Healthy: Giving your child healthy food, playing with them, and helping them learn new things helps them grow strong and smart.

6. Happy Memories: Doing fun things with your child, like reading stories, baking cookies, or playing games, creates happy memories that they'll remember when they're older. Best to make wonderful long-term memories that will be recounted in their adulthood.

In simple terms, being a good parent means showing love, being there, and doing fun things with your child every day. These little moments of care add up to help your child feel loved while growing up happy and strong. Make it a habit to find occasions to provide those mini moments of care. They will soon add up to a wealth of encouragement.

‘Building blocks of life can start with mini moments of giving joy to your child.’

                                          -Gail J Smith

Celebrate your efforts as the first educators of your child

As a parent doing their best, take a bow. You are the first and primary educators of your child and all your efforts will not go unnoticed by your child. The years of effort and the untiring work you put into the rearing of your child will come to fruition as they mature. Of course, the world is not a perfect place and all that should be asked of any parent is that you simply do your best. There will be influences along the way that will impact on your child-rearing work but being consistent and determined with your heart in the right place will win out on this occasion.

Let’s now reflect on how you impact your child as the first and primary educator. The following reasons show you why you make all the difference.

Foundation of Values and Morals: Parents instil their values, ethics, and morals in their children from an early age. It naturally happens that way. This foundation helps shape the child's character and guides them in making ethical decisions throughout their life. They are listening and learning from an early age.

Language and Communication Skills: Parents are the primary source of language development for children. They help children build their vocabulary, improve communication skills, and foster a love for reading and learning. Speak to them well and listen well to what they have to say. How you use your language skills will influence how they use their language skills to others.

Emotional Well-Being: Parents provide emotional support, love, and care that create a secure attachment in children. This secure attachment serves as a strong emotional foundation, promoting positive mental health and resilience. Your emotional support perhaps I should say, this emotional security is the foundation of building self-esteem.

Cultural and Religious Identity: Parents often pass down cultural and religious traditions, customs, and beliefs. This helps children understand their heritage and cultural identity, promoting a sense of belonging. All that you do which is ritual and contains family values will give your child stability and a connection to the past.

Early Learning and Curiosity: Parents stimulate a child's curiosity by answering questions, engaging in activities, and encouraging exploration. This early exposure to learning fosters a lifelong love for knowledge and learning. Being an active, engaging parent will provide the stimulus and interest in learning.

Responsibility and Work Ethic: Parents teach children about responsibility, work ethic, and the importance of setting and achieving goals. These lessons help children develop a strong sense of personal responsibility and motivation. Your modelling in this area happens on a daily basis. They observe how you live and how you live up to your expectations.

In essence, parents play a crucial role in shaping their child's values, identity, emotional well-being, and learning experiences. Being the first educators, they have a profound impact on their children's development, helping them become well-rounded individuals who are prepared to navigate the world with confidence and integrity. The ball is in your court. Enjoy the game.

‘Parents are teachers, and home is a child’s first and most important classroom.’

-Hillary Clinton

Be excited for your child as they attend school each day

Imagine educating your child on your own! There is so much excitement and anticipation when your child starts school as they will be exposed to myriads of opportunities and challenges. You will journey through the school experience and together with your child enjoy the long and winding process together. You are in partnership with the school which sees you as a critical educator and contributor to your child’s education.

A school’s environment will have much to offer your child. Below are some very realistic outcomes that you can expect from the school.

Social Development: School is a place where children interact with peers and learn valuable social skills like sharing, cooperation, and making friends. Parents can be happy about their child's chance to develop important social relationships. Their ability to make friends, keep them and practice the art of good communication comes from the school setting. Such an environment enlivens your child’s emotional and social growth. They learn a lot about self-esteem by studying their peers.

Independence and Responsibility: School teaches children to become more independent and responsible for their actions. Parents can look forward to seeing their child grow in maturity and self-sufficiency as they take on new responsibilities. A school will support the work you do in teaching your child all about being responsible. Teachers work hard to encourage independence in learning and set expectations and goals for your child.

Broadening Horizons: School exposes children to a wide range of subjects, ideas, and experiences that they may not encounter at home. Parents can be excited about the opportunity for their child to explore different interests and broaden their horizons. You cannot do everything. A school presents topics that can be discussed openly and challenges your child to think differently. The setting of a school sets the scene for healthy, vibrant conversation. It encourages your child to think differently.

Emotional and Cognitive Development: School not only focuses on academic learning but also on emotional and cognitive development. Parents can be happy knowing that their child will receive guidance and support in developing important life skills and emotional intelligence. As your child grows, the school will set social and emotional expectations to match their age and learning. It will challenge your child in different ways to enrich their emotional intelligence.

Future Opportunities: A good education lays the foundation for future opportunities and success. Parents can feel excited about the doors that may open for their child as they progress through their educational journey. Who knows what your child will do and become after they leave school? The excitement is to watch how school broadens their thinking and expectations. You are not alone in preparing them for life.

In summary, school offers children a host of benefits, from educational and social growth to independence and future opportunities, which can make parents excited and happy about their child's educational journey. So be happy when you send them off to school. Understand that school will be a setting to parallel all the good work that you do through parenting.

“Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.’’                                                                                             

Einstein.

Your child needs your patience as they progress through school

Patience is a vital virtue for parents with children in school because:

Learning Takes Time: Learning is a gradual process, and children need time to absorb new information and develop their skills. Being patient allows them the necessary space to learn at their own pace. Nothing happens overnight and consider that your child will developmentally keep evolving and growing in their own time.

Individual Progress Varies: Every child has a unique learning style and pace. Patience is essential to recognise and respect these individual differences without imposing unrealistic expectations. Allow your child their right to pace their learning, this gives them time to process and to observe and learn what is happening around them. There are no rewards for speed. Remember the story of the turtle and the hare.

Mistakes Are Part of Learning: Children often make mistakes as they learn. This is a natural part of learning. Patience enables parents to offer support and guidance rather than react negatively to errors, fostering a more positive learning environment. Being patient allows your child their right to grow at their own pace.

Building Resilience: Patience helps children build resilience and develop a growth mindset. When they face challenges, patient parents can encourage perseverance and a willingness to learn from setbacks. Resilient people are not quick to be anxious and develop a maturity around them that allows time and space to heal and recover.

Effective Communication: Patient parents are better at listening and understanding their children's concerns and questions about school. This open communication fosters a stronger parent-child relationship and a more supportive educational experience. If you listen well you need to take time and be prepared that there is no timeline for listening effectively.

Modelling Behaviour: Parents who demonstrate patience serve as very effective role models for their children. When children see their parents remaining patient in the face of difficulties, they are more likely to adopt this valuable trait themselves, which can benefit their academic and personal lives. A child will comfortably approach a parent who will be calm, present and patient. That is such an inviting way to present your case when nervous.

Finally, patience can and should be acquired by everyone. It sets the scene for healthy relationships with your child. No one can resist a patient person. There is no need to feel that your child should be at a level of development that is expected of them. Who sets those expectations? Children are individuals and over time and with supportive environments, they will learn best at their own pace. Better quality learning spread over time than demanding and setting targets.

‘Let your child breathe gently and comfortably through their learning journey.’ 

-Gail J Smith

What parents need to think about when our children go to school

As parents of children in school, there are several important concepts and considerations that you should always keep in mind to support your child's education and overall wellbeing.  These concepts are all about good parenting skills that help you keep your eye on that all-important issue of education.

Communication: Maintain open and regular communication with your child's teachers and school staff. Effective communication is essential for ongoing connection between the school and teacher. If things were to change you would learn about them quickly.

Support and Encouragement: Encourage your child's curiosity and love for learning. Provide emotional support and praise for their efforts, achievements, and resilience in the face of challenges. Be a positive parent who encourages their efforts and celebrates achievements of all sorts.

Active Involvement: Be actively involved in your child's education by attending parent-teacher conferences, school events, and volunteering when possible. Your presence and engagement can have a positive impact. Such involvement will show your child how you value their education and love learning. Be a partner with the school.

Consistency: Establish consistent routines at home to support your child's learning. This includes setting regular study times, creating a conducive homework environment, and ensuring a balanced daily schedule. Encourage your child to be part of the weekly planning of the family routine.

Individualised Learning: Recognise that each child is unique with their own strengths,        weaknesses, and learning styles. Support and advocate for individualised instruction when needed. Recognise your child in their own learning style and avoid labelling them.

Wellness and Health: Prioritise your child's physical and mental health. Ensure they get enough sleep, maintain a healthy diet, and engage in regular physical activity. Address any health or emotional concerns promptly. Talk openly about maintaining good health and encourage open conversation about what makes you feel well and happy.

Homework and Study Skills: Help your child develop effective study habits and time management skills. Encourage them to take responsibility for their homework and assignments. The more independent they are here, the more effective the homework will be.

Reading and Literacy: Foster a love of reading and literacy. Encourage reading both at school and at home, and provide access to a variety of age-appropriate books. Make your house a visual delight with books and magazines scattered throughout.

Technology and Media Literacy: Monitor your child's use of technology and media. Teach them responsible digital citizenship and ensure they have access to safe and educational online resources. Discuss electronic safety with the school as they have ways and resources to help parents cope at home.

Critical Thinking: Encourage critical thinking and problem-solving skills. Ask open-ended questions and engage in discussions that promote curiosity and independent thinking. Have plenty of games around the house and discuss news items that can lead to healthy debate.

Respect for Diversity: Promote an appreciation for diversity and being inclusive. Teach your child to respect others' backgrounds, cultures, and perspectives. Be open to invitations and show your child that exclusivity is a dangerous and narrow position to take.

Advocacy: Be an advocate for your child when necessary. If you have concerns about your child's education or wellbeing, communicate with the school and seek solutions together. Work cooperatively with the school and listen to what they have to tell you.

Lifelong Learning: Emphasise the importance of lifelong learning. Show your child that learning is a continuous and enriching journey that extends beyond the classroom. Talk about how you keep learning and what excites your imagination when discovering new facts.

Balanced Expectations: Set realistic expectations for your child's academic performance, recognising that success may vary from subject to subject and year to year. Also, focus on rewarding the efforts put into their work rather than the results.

Positive Role Model: Be a positive role model for your child by demonstrating a commitment to learning, resilience in the face of challenges, and a growth mindset. Discuss from time to time what makes you tick and find opportunities to show the way using common sense and emotional maturity

Self-Care: Remember to take care of yourself as a parent. Maintaining your own wellbeing and balance is essential for being able to support your child effectively. Also, your child needs to see that your self-care is essential for everyone’s wellbeing.

These ideas help you as a parent develop healthy and effective parenting skills to support their learning. The path is never even but keeping them on the right track steers them in the right direction.

‘There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one.’

Sue Atkins.

The fun of joint projects with your child

Finding good reasons to spend time together shows that you are keen to build a strong relationship with your child. Finding projects that you can share together is not only educational but leads you both on a journey of discovery together. Shared projects mean you are both actively engaged to discover and learn new things. What better way than to show your child how you value learning as much as them.

In a shared project there is give and take and lots of healthy questioning along the way. It means that conversations with your child are rich and lead to happy negotiations between the two of you.

To find joint projects, look at things you do at home that can be shared. Think about what motivates you and what will motivate your child. Once you have a good sense of an activity that you both will enjoy then go for it. The project does need to be wanted and accepted by both of you. It will fail if the passion wears off quickly. Think about how your family operates and what interests them enough to join in with you on project developments.

Here are some suggestions:

• Gardening, setting up veggie areas together.

• Building a small cubby house.

• Fixing bikes and toys together

• Cooking, experimenting with new recipes.

• Doing a drawing course together.

• Painting the child’s room together.

• Building a major Lego set.

• Sewing and learning about patterns.

• Build a bird feeder.

• Art and craft activities with toilet rolls etc.

• Be involved in exercise together.

• Nature activities, setting up equipment together.

• Research together where next to go on holidays.

• Develop a family scrapbook together.

 The list is endless and is only limited by your imagination.

Together you are teaching your child more about the world, showing them new skills and deepening your relationship with them. You are also fostering teamwork and bonding. Your child needs to see how you value learning and want to share your wisdom with them.

‘Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.’

                                                       -Albert Einstein.

Teach your child about life from outside the classroom

Teaching children about learning beyond the classroom is essential for their overall development.

Here are eight simple but effective examples for parents to help their children learn outside of school:

Remember, learning from the classroom is only one form of learning in what should be a lifelong experience.

1. Nature Exploration: Take your child on hikes or nature walks. Encourage them to observe and ask questions about plants, animals, and the environment. Use field guides or smartphone apps to identify species. This fosters curiosity and a love for science and the natural world. Have you considered having all the gear? Bikes, walking shoes for hiking etc. Let your child know how you value outdoor learning.

2. Cooking Together: Involve your child in meal preparation. Teach them about measurements, fractions, and the science of cooking. Discuss nutrition and make it fun by experimenting with recipes. This enhances maths and science skills while promoting a life skill. Talk to them whilst cooking as maths is best taught through conversation, experience and trial and error. Have cookbooks lying around the house.

3. Library Visits: Regular trips to the library expose children to a wide variety of books and resources. Let them choose their reading material, whether it's fiction, non-fiction, or graphic novels. Encourage discussions about what they've read to improve comprehension and critical thinking. Just spend some time together reading at the library. Talk to the librarians who have much to offer.

4. Art and Creativity: Provide art supplies and encourage your child to express themselves through drawing, painting, or crafting. Discuss famous artists, styles, and the history of art. This cultivates creativity, self-expression, and an appreciation for the arts. Take them on excursions to galleries, art houses etc.

5. Home Gardening: Start a small garden together, whether it's in your backyard or on a windowsill. Teach your child about plants' life cycles, photosynthesis, and responsible care for living things. Gardening also instils patience and a sense of responsibility. Collect books on gardening and read them together. Visit special gardens that are on display.

6. Museum Visits: Plan trips to museums, science centres, or historical sites. These outings expose children to culture, history, and science in an interactive way. Engage in discussions about what they've seen and encourage them to ask questions. Let them look up various places of interest to visit.

7. Find the right moment: When walking together or simply watching television, you will find the occasion to talk about life outside the classroom.

8. Be Curious about life: Notice things and talk about them. Question why you see birds in trees and notice how the waves change. The more you seem inquiring about outside life the more your child will show interest and curiosity. They begin to be more observant.

Outside the classroom, you open the door to many more learning opportunities. Here you provide direct personal contact with nature which is enjoyable, excites the imagination and encourages inquiry. Outside the classroom knowledge meets adventure and children are easily motivated to learn and explore in a much more natural way.

‘From a very early age. I had to interrupt my education to go to school.’

                                                          -George Bernard Shaw

Six great ideas that parents can use to build their child's interest in learning:

For some children, school can be long, demanding and tedious. The key is to keep your child interested in learning and to be excited about what is possible. We can really encourage a love for learning by demonstrating how we love to learn new things in our own lives.

Here are six great ideas that parents can use to build their child's interest in learning:

1. Make Learning Fun and Engaging: Create a positive and enjoyable learning environment by incorporating games, hands-on activities, and interactive experiences. Use educational apps, puzzles, and creative projects to make learning feel like play. Show your children how you enjoy learning all the time. Set your house up for easy access to books and all sorts of learning materials. Make it a visual feast of all things that lead to reading and discovery

2. Follow Their Interests: Pay attention to your child's natural interests and passions. Tailor learning experiences to align with their curiosity, whether it's dinosaurs, outer space, art, or animals. When children see that learning can be related to their interests, they become more motivated to explore and discover. Have fun with them when they do projects. Here you can use all sorts of materials and discuss many and varied topics.

3. Read Together: Reading is one of the best ways to foster a love for learning. Set aside regular time for reading together, exploring a variety of genres and topics. Discuss the stories, ask open-ended questions, and let your child's imagination flourish. Have plenty of reading material around the house.

4. Encourage Curiosity: Create an atmosphere where questions are welcomed and encouraged. When your child asks a question, help them find answers through research, experiments, or discussions. This shows them that learning is about satisfying their curiosity and finding solutions. Play games in the car where you learn and discover about the surroundings. Make life a learning experience all round.

5. Connect Learning to the Real World: Help your child see the practical applications of what they're learning. For instance, involve them in cooking to teach maths and science concepts, or go on nature walks to explore biology and ecology. Showing how learning connects to everyday life can make it more meaningful.

6. Provide a Variety of Learning Experiences: Expose your child to a diverse range of learning experiences, such as visits to museums, science centres, historical sites, and cultural events. Exposure to different subjects and fields can spark new interests and expand their horizons. Whilst being consistent has its values this is about putting variety into their thinking processes.

 Remember, the key is to create a positive and supportive atmosphere that encourages your child to explore, discover, and enjoy the process of learning. Be patient, flexible and adaptable to your child's learning style. Always be ready to celebrate their achievements and efforts, no matter how small. Don’t be surprised when they come up with strange and wonderful ideas. Let all that flow into creativity and a love for learning. Finally don’t worry about mistakes being made. We all learn best from our mistakes. Here we grow!

‘Learning is a pure journey of discovery.’

                                                            -Gail Smith

Navigating the Emotional Roller coaster: Supporting Parents with Children at School

The journey of parenting can be a roller coaster of emotions, especially when it comes to supporting your children's experiences at school. As parents, we all want the best for our kids and wish to see them thrive in their academic and social lives. However, it is not uncommon to encounter various challenges that may leave us feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or even helpless.

This blog aims to provide emotional support and practical strategies for parents to navigate the ups and downs of their children's school lives. For some children and parents school can be a very challenging environment on many levels.

Understanding the Emotional Landscape of School Life:

• Embrace the joy of seeing your child explore and learn new things at school, even though it may come with challenges like stress and anxiety.

• Celebrate your child's bravery as they face peer pressure and academic demands, knowing that they will grow stronger through these experiences.

• Remember, it's okay to feel a mix of emotions as a parent – from worry to pride – it shows how much you care about your child's well-being and success.

Effective Communication with Your Child:

• Share laughter and light-hearted moments with your child when talking about their school life. A good sense of humour can bridge any communication gaps.

• Rejoice in being a trusted confidante for your child, where they can freely share their frustrations and feelings about school.

• Cherish those spontaneous moments when your child needs you, knowing that your attentive presence helps them navigate through their challenges.

Building Resilience in Your Child:

• Celebrate your child's growth mindset and the positive attitude they develop towards learning and setbacks. Their resilience will lead them to greater achievements.

• Embrace the joy of teaching your child coping skills like yoga, mindfulness, or deep breathing, knowing you're giving them valuable tools for life.

• Witness the strength and resilience your child exhibits when facing stress and anxiety, and be proud of their ability to overcome obstacles.

Dealing with Academic Pressures:

• Take pride in your child's efforts and progress, letting them know that their hard work is appreciated regardless of the outcome.

• Find joy in striking a balance between supporting your child's academics and allowing them to grow independently, fostering their self-confidence.

• Celebrate each step of improvement and acknowledge your child's accomplishments, boosting their self-esteem along the way.

Handling Social and Peer-Related Issues:

• Find joy in being your child's pillar of support during friendship struggles, knowing you play a crucial role in their social development.

• Celebrate the moments when your child shows empathy and inclusiveness, as they cultivate healthy social skills and create meaningful friendships.

• Rejoice in the close connections you build with other parents and the valuable support network that helps normalize your concerns.

Coping with Transitions:

• Treasure the joy of witnessing your child navigate significant transitions, like starting school or changing schools, and seeing them grow in adaptability.

• Celebrate the milestones and graduations in your child's life, knowing that you've been there for them during every step of the journey.

Self-Care for Parents:

• Embrace the joy of prioritising self-care, as it not only benefits you but also positively influences your child's emotional well-being.

• Take pride in practicing self-care strategies that make you feel good and rejuvenated, allowing you to be the best version of yourself for your child.

• Celebrate the moments when you find peace and balance in your life, it sets a positive example for your child's self-care habits.

Connecting with Other Parents and Support Networks:

• Rejoice in the joy of finding a supportive network of fellow parents, where you can share experiences and find comfort in knowing you're not alone.

• Celebrate the benefits of seeking professional support when needed, it shows your dedication to being the best parent you can be.

Parenting is a beautiful journey filled with ups and downs, and by embracing the joy of supporting your child emotionally through their school years, you create a nurturing environment for them to flourish and grow into confident, resilient individuals.

        ‘As your child grows and changes, you too grow and change as a parent. Embrace it.’                                                                          

-Gail J Smith

Time to remind yourself that being a parent is a wonderful experience

Unconditional Love: Being a parent allows you to experience a deep and unconditional love for your child. Something unique and special develops between you and the child. It is precious. It is irreplaceable. You own it.

Example: Seeing your child's smiling face when they wake up in the morning or hearing their laughter when you play together fills your heart with pure joy.

Milestone Moments: As a parent, you get to witness and celebrate numerous milestone moments in your child's life. You are part of it and you can take pride in all your contributions over the years. Each achievement becomes a source of immense pride and happiness.

Example: Capturing the moment when your child takes their first step or saying their first words creates memories that you'll cherish forever.

Sense of Purpose: Parenting gives you a strong sense of purpose and meaning. Nurturing and guiding a child through life's challenges allows you to make a positive impact and shape their future.

Example: Knowing that you are raising a compassionate, kind, and responsible individual who will contribute positively to society, fills you with a sense of purpose and fulfilment.

Having a child in your life reignites the wonders of life through a child’s eyes. It awakens in us the child we were and it invites us to share in simple joys and pleasures. It clears the cobwebs that can develop as we plough through our adult life.

Example: Watching your child marvel at a rainbow or discover the beauty of a butterfly can remind you of the wonders that often go unnoticed in the hustle and bustle of adult life. They awaken in you the child and that is liberating.

Learning and Growing Together: Parenthood offers continuous opportunities for personal growth and learning. As you navigate the challenges and joys of raising a child, you gain valuable insights, patience, and resilience. Having another individual in your life that relies on you, needs care and understanding will demand from you your absolute attention. There is no escaping building tolerance, understanding, empathy etc.

Example: Overcoming sleepless nights, mastering the art of multitasking, and learning to be patient during tantrums are all experiences that help you grow and become a better version of yourself.

Emotional Satisfaction: Parenting brings immense emotional fulfilment. The love, laughter, and moments of connection you share with your child create a deep sense of happiness and contentment. How emotionally satisfying it is to see yourself in your child.

Example: Embracing your child in a warm hug after a long day or hearing them say, "I love you, Mom/Dad," can instantly fill your heart with overwhelming joy and gratitude. Enjoy those special little moments. They come spontaneously and frequently.

Creating Life Memories: Being a parent allows you to create lasting memories that you and your child will cherish throughout your lives. From family vacations to everyday adventures, these moments become the foundation of a lifetime of shared experiences.

Example: Going on a family road trip and exploring new places together, or even simple activities like baking cakes and having picnics in the park, become treasured memories that you can reminisce about in the future.

Building Strong Bonds: Parenthood enables you to build deep and lasting bonds with your child. The connection you form with them becomes an unbreakable bond that provides a source of strength, love, and support. You take them from dependence to independence and you build foundations that are unique to you and your child.

Example: Sharing quality time with your child, engaging in conversations, and being there for them during both good and challenging times strengthen your relationship and create a lifelong connection.

The journey you share with your child is likened to weaving a tapestry. There will be various shades that brighten and darken the work. Sometimes the weave will be thick and full of texture, and other times lighter and softly woven. It builds into a magical imagery of your life shared with your child that has been created lovingly over the years.

‘We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.’                                           

                                                                         -Henry Ward Beecher                                             

14 easy parenting strategies

There are countless ideas in parenting courses, not the least of which is from my book: ‘The Primary Years. A principal’s perspective on raising happy kids.’ Here I have compiled a list of easy-to-apply strategies that can have a remarkable impact on making parenting a little easier. These strategies will be well received by your child who feels more easily connected to you. We could call them the simple language of parenting.

Consider:

• Become a natural, spontaneous parent in praising children where possible. Try to mention why you are praising them. This hits home very quickly with a child.

• Behaviour that we favour is especially valuable in rewarding. ‘You are such a caring person to hug your little brother when he cries.’

• Be very clear when setting expectations. Keep the message short and use simple words that make it easy for a child to translate. Sometimes asking them to repeat back what was asked of them ensures that everyone is on the same page. This is especially important for younger children.

• Be a problem solver with your child. Sit with them and together execute planned ways of looking at problems together. Share in the process of working through problems and make it a family habit. Point out that you do not have, nor should you have all the answers.

• Slow down the anger. Being quick to anger can escalate the problem. Allowing some breathing space brings the anger down a notch or two. It also gives you time to better assess the situation.

• Live out your values happily. Talk about them often. This way your child knows what is important to you even though they will change over time.

• Gradually provide opportunities for building your child’s independence. From the minute they are born, we should be finding ways to let them build their independence.

• Involve your child in family decision-making. This can be part of your family culture to be inclusive and to engage with them about holidays, activities etc.

• Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. This means that you are prepared to listen and compromise. This is all about being fair, just and respecting your child’s opinions.

• Wherever possible be the coach not the lecturer. This is about giving independent guidance but not having expectations that they will always follow suit.

• Create a safe happy home where your child feels that they have a voice and are valued.

• When setting expectations, make them age appropriate and realistic. This way, your child will not be overwhelmed or feel intimidated.

• Create a home that is also a creative and positive learning environment. Spread books around the house, ensure that there is plenty of light and good study facilities near and around the family room. Have music playing. Talk about articles you have read.

• Be engaged and involved with your child’s school. Talk about it a lot and show interest in what work comes home. Volunteer and find out how you can support the school.

This list gives you some ideas for building a stronger relationship with your child. You can, with practice, get better at using these strategies and once you feel some success it is amazing how you condition yourself to keep them up. You may find that some will be easier to adopt than others. You may also find that you are successfully and naturally doing these strategies already. If so just keep up the great work!

‘The golden rule of parenting is to always show your children the kind of person you want them to be’

-Elizabeth Roxas

Parent involvement reaps all the benefits

No doubt about it, when parents are actively involved and interested in their child’s learning, the child has an optimal chance of being successful at school.

When your child feels that their school life is connected to their home life and that parents enjoy and participate where possible, great expectations are the order of the day.

Here are some of the outcomes when parents show interest in their child’s schooling:

• A child will have a more positive attitude to their work when they know that parents are interested in what they are learning. This becomes a normal part of home life, talking about the activities and discussions held at school.

• Reading accelerates early when parents engage with them in reading at home. Keep books visible around the house and demonstrate to your child that reading is a natural family experience across the week.

• Parents interested in their child’s learning are always keen to be around at homework time. They understand that there are expectations set by the school and their support makes it easier for children to fall into the routine of doing homework.

• Interested parents are naturally encouraging their children in the whole learning process. Therefore, it’s no surprise that these children are developing an interest in learning and higher education.

• A parent involved in their child’s education also gains some joy from learning new ways and being part of the bigger life of the school. There is nothing more enriching than a school community in full swing.

• When school problems appear, engaged parents are quick to respond and given their insightfulness, problems can be solved more quickly and with less interference.

• Parents engaged with the school build a strong relationship with the teachers. This makes such a difference when issues occur. Teachers are more at ease with interested parents. They feel very comfortable talking to them.

• Talking about school regularly as a family builds a happy image of the paramount importance of school in the life of the child and family.

• A great way to support your child’s learning is to set an example by reading, writing and engaging in other learning activities. Children then see how you value the learning process for yourself.

• A parent is involved when they develop a communication style that invites questions, enjoys problem-solving and having open conversations. The more you show an inquisitive style to a conversation and invite alternative solutions to problems, the more you are teaching your child to think laterally and become a problem solver.

• Proudly boast your child’s school work by having pieces on display around the house. This shows your approval and praise of their work.

• Children who get support from parents do feel more competent at learning. Parent support gives them this boost. It also keeps their interest in attending school regularly.

• When parents show interest the child is happier and their morale is high. This affects their whole disposition to school. They are more inclined to be interested in engaging in more activities.

• Teaching children to value education and is solidified if parents are actively interested in their child’s learning.

Finally, enjoy the journey. You will learn so much from being an active participant in your child’s learning. Nothing is ever lost from exposure to learning and your child will feel more secure knowing that you are walking the path with them.

                          ‘If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.’

-Milton Berle

Watch out for the impostor syndrome that can creep up slowly

Have you ever felt that you were just not worthy of rewards or that you felt that people had misjudged you or that you weren’t as capable as people thought. Perhaps somebody else should have your position? Beware, this is called the impostor syndrome. This is where we tend to believe that we are fooling others and rising above our status and capabilities. It can be one of those syndromes that can start early and I have seen, in some children, a lack of willingness to take awards, or put themselves first, because they thought others were more worthy. A child can start to develop stepping back approach to and not expecting to be chosen because of their feeling of unworthiness.

Let us consider how we can ensure that our children reduce their feelings of insecurity:

• Always try to reinforce with them why they have succeeded. In this way you are being specific about their achievements. They are real and clearly being stated “Well done. You won that award because you can run so fast. It is a great skill of yours.”

• Encourage your child to put their names forward for all types of events and opportunities. Explain that better to be in the race than not.

• Talk about how you cope with feelings that others deserve it more than you. Perhaps you have had times when you were reluctant to put yourself forward. How did you handle it?

• Having knowledge that you are capable and that there are good reasons why you should be chosen is a key to being on top of this problem.

• Reinforce regularly to your children that we all have some fear about taking on new steps but that they are worthy and that they should feel proud of all their achievements.

• Sometimes it’s worth just listing all the capabilities your child demonstrates. Sometimes seeing it gives a strong message of their sense of worth.

• Talk to your child’s teacher and ask if there are any signs that your child is choosing to stand back from being chosen or is reluctant to put up their hands. Teachers are very good at bringing children into the scene and ensuring that their engagement in the class is full and healthy. The classroom is an especially important space for your child to feel strong and confident in themselves amongst their peers. So much of this impostor syndrome is about you feeling less worthy than others.

• Try to avoid put downs to your child. These are sure fired ways of making them feel less worthy. Words stick and can be remembered for a long time.

• Take care not to rush to negative talk when a situation develops. Here we are trying to encourage our children not to immediately focus on the negative. When a tricky situation occurs think about the positive first. Be drawn to thinking about good outcomes before honing in on the negative.

Finally, we all can suffer from being a little nervous but here we are trying to ensure that our children do not become conditioned to stepping back and feeling less worthy than others. A healthy dose of personal confidence and feeling of worthiness is what we seek for our children. It is a very healthy disposition to like yourself and feel achievable and worthy.

                   ‘Love isn’t something you have to deserve.’

                                                                                  -Jennifer Echols

Sibling matters really matter!

It is such a natural part of family life to have to deal with sibling issues. Children come in different shapes and sizes and their place in the family, age and temperament will determine how they respond to sibling matters. Do not be too surprised when there are fall outs and they say how they hate their brother or sister. The parent’s role is to negotiate their way through these times which will always be changing. The fact that family dynamics are constantly on the move as children grow and family circumstances shift, reminds us that we need not get too stressed when there is a sibling blow out! It is amazing how their feelings towards each other will vacillate according to shifting circumstances, mood, temperament and wellbeing. Don’t be surprised when the pendulum swings from one end to the other.

The parent’s role is to be the navigators through these situations. The following thoughts remind us not to worry too much, but to use some strategies to ensure that navigation is as accurate and smooth as possible:

• When squabbles occur, remember to be an effective listener, but despite what you may think, do not take one side over the other.

• Encourage them always to resolve matters themselves where possible. This is always the best option, but consider their age and capacity to work through the matter.

• Try to be fair and just when discussing consequences. Make sure that the discipline given is understood and accepted by the child or children.

• Keep in mind the age of your child. Younger children will not be able to comprehend the situation the same way as an older child can understand. Each child should be spoken to for age appropriateness and readiness to listen. This means that the nature of the discipline should fit their age.

• Sometimes we worry far too much about their fights. Always check in with them as sometimes the dispute is already resolved and your involvement is not necessary.

• On the positive side, having a sibling and learning to share, negotiate and sometimes compromise is a great way to learn life skills. So occasional fights and healthy resolutions can be a positive thing.

• Remember it is your home and you set many of the rules. Sometimes they just have to go by the rules with no negotiation.

• Being fair is so important as lack of fairness can build further resentment.

• When talking about your children, avoid negative talk about one child in front of the other. This can be unsettling and misunderstood easily.

• As a family, set up rules about how you deal with fights. Ensure fairness and listening to both sides is built into the plan.

• Be aware that they see how you manage conflict with your partner, other children, family members etc. Your model is so important.

• Always aim to problem solve. Invite both children to come up with ideas to resolve the matter and let them settle on a resolution where both needs are understood. Then check in later to see how it all went for both of them.

• Remember that sibling relationships will include at times feelings of jealousy. Bickering is common and often they feel resentful. It is all about sharing affection and feeling that you have a fair share of family love. Try to give individual time to each child. It is amazing what you learn and your child feels happier being personally connected to you.

• Pick the battles you think are necessary. Sometimes avoiding less significant issues means less conflict at home.

• Always remain calm and steady when a conflict breaks out! Your emotional reaction can easily inflame a situation.

• Try not to encourage competition between them. They are all different and celebrating differences is the key. Find time as a family to celebrate all their differences and make this a key feature of what you love about each of your children.

• Being fair does mean that what they get does not always have to be equal. Teach them that there are different reasons for giving each child what they need. Remember siblings are the people you practise on in becoming a full human.

• Plan family fun time together on a regular basis. This way, cooperation and happy moments together is valued in the family. When there is tension building with siblings, take them out for some exercise. Just breaking up those tense moments can defuse a situation. It’s all about being proactive and defusing potential conflict. Exercise is a great stress buster!

• If you are giving some consequences to a child, don’t make it public. Embarrassment and feelings of being inferior in front of others can build long lasting resentment.

Finally, the fact that sibling issues occur across their family lifetime gives them the opportunity to grow in understanding important lessons in life such as forgiveness, tolerance, patience, empathy etc. Your strong presence in providing a climate where they feel they are dealt with fairly will fuel their emotional and social intelligence. This will help them forge strong effective relationships where they can live cooperatively with others.

                     ‘Siblings: Your only enemy you can’t live without.’

                                                                                             Anonymous

9 Tips about how to help your child love learning

The whole learning process for our children can be considered without a doubt, a family affair. Research over many years tells us that the more parents are interested and show an inquiring attitude to their child’s learning, the more successful the learner. You are after all the child’s first teacher. From infancy through to young adulthood, your child will depend on you physically, emotionally and socially. Challenges will come their way but you still remain a primary source for their learning and developing a passion for learning.

On many levels, you set the stage for understanding the value and richness of learning. Sounds like a tall order, but your work is done slowly and steadily over the years. It is not an overnight job and the more you take it on as a serious part of your role, the more likely the child will be engaged in their learning from a younger age.

Here are some simple tips that help us along the way from infancy through to well…. Adulthood:

1. Establishing a daily routine is important. Build it into all the expectations of the day and understand what school requirements are to be considered in your plan. Setting up a routine includes providing a quiet spot for them to learn at home. Consider the background noise issues, lighting and of course interruptions like younger siblings.

2. Regular conversations about school each day can keep the dialogue going in a positive way about what was learnt, achieved or found interesting. Remember this is not about an inquisition into the school day, but a gentle interest in what the child learnt or did in their time. Sometimes you may get a response, sometimes that may not happen.

3. Set tasks for your child that are manageable and within reasons. You can help them set goals in doing jobs at home. Also help them balance their homework time, play time and reading time. Teach them that the more they plan and balance their time, the happier they will be. Point out that by being organised, they get the recreation and play time that they want and deserve.

4. A most important aid in helping your child become a true learner is the modelling you give them. By your example such as reading, writing or being active in a range of learning activities, the child sees that this is the way to go. When you play as a family be intuitive and choose activities, games etc. that have a learning component to them, but at the same time they are fun. Learning to link fun and joy is the best way forward for a child. Also be an inquirer. Teach your child that asking questions is important. Have various ways of seeking information through books internet, conversations etc.

5. Set high expectations for your child, but make them achievable. A child needs to feel inspirational, but not have unreal expectations placed on them. Be proud of their efforts and affirm how hard they try to achieve their goals. ‘I am so impressed with all the effort you put into learning about elephants. You must have got so much good information.’

6. Be aware of their special talents and praise their uniqueness in all sorts of ways. Every child has unique gifts. Spell them out often.

7. Be proud to show their work to other members of the family. Learning is about a celebration of knowledge and achievements in many forms. We demonstrate that all learning should be boldly acknowledged.

8. Encourage overall development. This can be through their physical efforts, intellectual efforts, artistic endeavours etc. Show your child that there are many ways of achieving success in learning and you recognise so many of them in your child.

9. Be a connector with the school. This shows your child that you value their learning space throughout the day. Connect to libraries, take your child to museums, places where creativity and adventure are alive. Keep an eye out for opportunities that introduce new concepts and open their minds in different ways. Show your child that you enjoy discovering new ways of seeing and understanding the world.

Finally, the learning process over the years is slow and steady. At times it will accelerate as different teachers and circumstances excite the imagination. Your role is to be the constant, everyday reminder that learning is an ongoing and life-giving experience. It is a growth that keeps developing all your life if the foundations teach you well. Be the ever-present learner in the life of your child.

                        ‘Once you stop learning you start dying.’

                                                                                -Albert Einstein

The art of bringing happiness to your child

We are always seeking and wanting our children to have a happy life. It’s a natural instinct as a parent to embrace happiness for our children. Of course life comes in all forms and challenges will bring failures, distress, unhappiness and unwelcome surprises to a child’s life. Managing your way through that maze is part of the role of parenting. It also builds character and strengthens a child’s emotional reserve.

Here are a few thoughts that I have reached from my experiences with children that may help build a child's level of happiness.

 Consider:

• The first thought is that a happy parent makes for a happy child. Children will reflect your mood and sense of well being. Having the presence of a happy parent around is a strong indication to the child that the world is all well.

• Keep encouraging persistence and effort. You are not rewarding perfection but you value the journey a child makes in their efforts to do well. Frequent affirmations around the efforts they make keeps the momentum going and shows the child that it is all about the ongoing contributions and not a perfect result.

• By your own modelling teach them how to make friends. Show them how best you do this and what skills you need such as listening effectively, empathy, patience, humour etc. Your example will go a long way in teaching them how to build and sustain relationships.

• See the optimistic approach to life. Find the positive in situations and when your child focuses on the negative, see the glass as half full. An optimistic approach attracts people and builds a strong happiness component.

• We are working on building emotional intelligence in our children. This means that you should show them an intelligent approach to situations rather than using anxiety and reaction to deal with situations. Talk through with them their problems looking at a mature approach to solving matters. Of course how you personally demonstrate emotional responses to situations will teach your child, the best way possible.

• Encourage self discipline. This can be done through insisting on finishing projects, completing jobs etc. Perhaps encourage children to wait for special treats rather than have everything instantly.

• Be active as a family. Physical fitness and keeping engaged in activities such as sport give so much joy and feeling of self worth to growing children.

• Allow failure into the life of your child. They need to learn that failure is part of life and we can learn form such experiences. This means not immediately trying to bail them out of trouble or solving their problems for them.

• Slowly give your child progressive independence. Reward them with it when they demonstrate that they can be trusted. Feeling independent is a life giving experience and can be a significant growth curve for a child.

• Keep play alive in your family. No matter what age everyone enjoys playing together. Find new and different ways of keeping play alive in your family.

 A happy child is one that feels secure and has strong supports around them that intelligently allow the child to grow in an environment that is open, engaging and inclusive. As parents we try our best and the human side of us sometimes fails to hit the right mark. Good I say as after all we teach our children to be human.

                ‘Sometimes we forget that parenting like love, is a verb.’

                                                   - Jessica Joelle  Alexander

Strengthening a child’s interest and endurance with reading

This can be a tricky area if you have a child who is reticent to read.  In my experience, I have seen this behaviour more in boys than girls and therefore a parent must connect to a child’s interest in reading to help them become more of a motivated reader.  It can be a fine line between pushing the child to read and gently setting the scene to help them.

 Consider;

• Generally, children will not read without some purpose in mind. As a parent talk about what they are reading and why they may be enjoying it. Never question or make a judgement on whether it is a magazine, novel, cartoon series etc. you are just talking about what makes them want to read it.

• The family can play a big part in encouraging reading. Some families read a novel after dinner together. Some ask older siblings to read to younger ones. Some children look forward to bed reading with a parent. There are many shades of a family reading together and as long as reading is seen as an important icon and is a regular part of the week, the message is clear. Reading is here to stay.

• With younger children reading aloud is valuable and children enjoy the family experience of reading and sharing the story together. Repeating the same books over and over again is very acceptable as it shows how enriching the story is and the heightened level of enjoyment. Sometimes young prereaders enjoy reciting the words of the story which is a great precursor to reading.

• Talk to your child about where in the house is the best and most comfortable place to read. Keep the area away from distractions such as television and if the child likes to read in their bedroom until they are active highly engaged readers they can find many distractions in such a space. The environment must be conducive for reading with comfort.

• Some families use dinner time to talk about the book they are readings. Talking about books keeps the interest alive in the home.

• Don’t be perturbed by what the child chooses to read. They need to explore different reading material before they really discover what interests them.

• Boys need encouragement and will often choose books that are cartoon based, or more inclined to be fact-driven. All of this is acceptable. The important point is to keep your boy engaged in the act of reading. Take care not to force books on them as this can cause a block to reading. Consider audio books as an option.

• Don’t forget the importance of you, being a critical model. The more you demonstrate a love for reading you are giving your child a clear message that reading enriches your life and it is a force of great joy.

• Ensure easy access to books. Perhaps regular trips to the library or simply leaving easy reads around the house. Consider downloading free e books for your child.

• The child should feel happy and willing to choose the book. They will have more success with reading if they own what they read. The reluctant reader still has interests and maybe passions in different areas. This is where you can talk about their interests and bring home books that talk about their passions. Often this can stimulate a child to look into a book that might satisfy their thirst for knowledge. A reluctant reader can be tempted by books that give them important information that accommodates their interests.

• It was common practice in classrooms to have a dedicated thirty minutes to silent reading often after lunch. Children looked forward to this time which was mandated across the year and understood as an important part of a child’s learning across the week. Is something like this possible in your home?

• People will read for different purposes and this is always acceptable and the more likely reason for reading. Children will over time, gravitate to what they really enjoy in reading. Some love reading for pleasure, others read for information gathering and instructions. We all gain different outcomes from our reading experiences but while we are learning the art of reading we need to feel embraced by various options to read and to feel that we are enjoying the process.          

Everyone is entitled to be literate and to have access to information to help them through life. Reading, acquired early in life and in a climate of trust builds our confidence and provides necessary skills invaluable for life.

           ‘To learn to red is to light a fire; every syllable that is spelled out is a spark.’

                                                                              -Victor Hugo

Developing the two halves of our brain.

 Both sides need good interconnection to think well.

 If your child is actively engaged in sports that is a wonderful beginning to balancing both sides of the brain. We are born with this amazing computer but as a muscle we need to give it considerable exercise. Neuroscientists have found that the two sides of the brain are engaged at the same time. Left brain people focus on logical and clear thinking. They are drawn to order and structure being analytical and focusing on accuracy. If your child is right brain focused, it is more about creativity, emotions and aesthetics, intuition and thoughtfulness. They are your sensitive children.

Think about your child for a moment. Can you see some aptitude in other direction? The trick is to balance both sides giving the individual a chance to develop greater potential in their thinking and processing.

It is natural to drift back to what you are most comfortable with and this can easily happen when a child does a project, writes stories, plays games etc. A child who loves order and takes pride in having everything clearly laid out, can sometimes become anxious when taking risks. Often they don’t like failure and become anxious when they are not prepared.

 On the other hand, children who are very creative can be far too sensitive and not cope with criticism and become quite unsettled when people challenge them. In reality, we can probably see both elements in our child from time to time, but nonetheless, it is worthwhile encouraging your child to work on balance.

Consider:

• Try to practice reading at different speeds and putting emphasis on different words to create different feelings about the story.

• Play ball games where children use both hands for catching or change the rules to encourage different ways to think through the game.

• When a child creatively writes a story invite them to itemise the main concepts.

• Involve your child in learning a craft that requires change and pattern building. Activities such as knitting, sewing,  sculpture etc. are wonderful for learning order and design. Simply reading a pattern requires thinking on a deeper level.

• I know how creative Lego is but it could be used to think through different ways to be creative and not just building structures. Challenging the thinking in this area really gets the brain working.

• Cooking and improving recipes is another great way of challenging the thinking process.

• It can be as simple as having a conversation about how the practice went and then ask your child to suggest strategies that would improve the game.

• Leave lists of tasks to be done on the fridge. They are to be marked off when done. Sometimes vary the lists and invite your child to draw up their own or rewrite amended lists.

• When visiting good games shops you will find quite a variety of games that challenge the child to be creative and at the same time think logically. Spend some time perusing these games as they can be great family fun and really stretch the thinking in different ways.

• Highly sensitive children can be more emotional. You may need to spend more time with them conditioning them to think about positive thoughts when they become overwhelmed by issues. They will need to learn strategies to help them overcome sensitive feelings.

• Teachers know to change the look of the classroom around to stimulate different thinking and to challenge the children with questioning and memory.

These exercises are illustrations of developing a balance and recognising that at times you need to refocus your child when the emphasis lies too heavily on one side of the brain. The more children exercise their thinking in various ways the greater capacity they have to learn and accept challenges that come their way.

‘When you want new results, it requires new thinking.’                                                                                                                                                                      -Richard Brandler

Children who find school a struggle

Many children have times when they feel they are struggling not just with school but also with friends, home issues, siblings, etc. Children can and do have down times. It’s natural. Also there are some children who really find the process of school difficult academically and socially. There are many shades in between but it is reasonable to say that most children will have some struggles along the way. A proportion of this is acceptable, but when it gets out of hand it is necessary to intervene but effectively.

 Consider:

• If your child has outbursts of frustration then these must just happen. Sometimes frustration comes out through poor behaviour, moodiness, etc., but these feelings need to be expelled. It is their way of letting you know how poor they feel and they want you to have that same feeling. Best to let it happen and gently talk to them:

           ‘Seems like you have something on your mind. You are so upset.’

Here you are giving them a chance to simply talk about the matter. You are not asking the question, why?

• Creating space when tension builds is a great vehicle for a child letting off steam and it gives you the parent a chance to process what has just happened with the outburst. Many a time in the classroom, when tension was building up, we all went out for a quick run on the oval. It was an amazing way to break from the stress and it set the scene for a new direction. Fresh air and a quick walk can make all the difference for all parties concerned.

• After a child becomes reactive you cannot go straight into conversations,  trying to make sense of what has happened. They are simply not listening at that point and probably will not hear the logic of what you are saying. In our best interest we want to understand the behaviour but think about yourself after you have been quite upset, do you hear what people are saying to you? The same happens after shocks. That immediate follow up time is a time when listening is non existent.

• There is a tendency to naturally help our children excessively especially when we see them struggling. Whilst your assistance is needed and valued it, should be tempered with the child learning about failure and accepting that we learn through failure. However, a child must have feelings of success along the way. So I appreciate the care and balance you make as a caring parent when helping your child.

• Keep the school close to you. They are the key figures in formal learning for the child. They set homework and should take responsibility if it is too much for the child. Homework is very secondary as a learning tool and should not come between you and the child. Remember you are not the arbitrator of what the child learns. You are the loving parent giving reassurance.

• Helping your child put organisation into their life is a great way of supporting their learning. Many children can get overwhelmed by the school’s expectations and if you gently assist in helping them plan out the week this can reduce pressure.

• If you have a child inclined to build anxiety quickly then consider slowing down the expectations for the week. Tailor those expectations to suit how the child is coping and be flexible when it comes to domestic expectations etc. A change in pace can make all the difference for an anxious child who lacks confidence.

• Plenty of sleep and exercise is a critical dimension to a child’s life. Sometimes when a child is struggling at school they may have success through sport and they feel so much better.

• Try not to keep asking how are they going at school? They will tell you in due time. Asking too often can only encourage them to shut down and not talk about school at all. After all who wants to talk about feeling a failure? Turn your questions about school into a positive framework:

             ‘You seemed happy coming out of the classroom, I wonder what that was about?’

Classroom teachers are very conscious of providing daily balance for the children throughout the whole week. This balance is all about ensuring they have successes and they learn from mistakes. They should have moments of feeling good about their achievements and moments of being socially well accepted. It’s all about the right checks and balances and so too is our parenting, especially with those children more vulnerable.

‘There are two gifts we should give our children, is roots and the other is wings.’  

Teach our children to be courteous

Sounds like it would be just a natural process of learning for a child. Perhaps something you pick up along the way. However, we live in a world where so much is instant gratification and things must happen fast. This comes at a cost of how people treat each other and at times common courtesy is one of the first virtues that can go out the window and be sacrificed for supposedly better outcomes.

A classroom is an environment where courtesy is presented as a valued gift and one that should be present throughout the school day. In fact it is mandatory. If a child does not show courtesy to other students, such behaviour is seen as negative and will be challenged. When working with children I was always aware that if I did not show the child respect and speak to them with courtesy and sincerity, I would fail to build their trust and further conversations would be damaged.

Your child will learn courtesy from you, especially when they see how you treat others and you use language and behaviour that is positive and not destructive towards others. They watch and observe and in their own way make judgements about how you, the parent dealt with certain people. It is amazing how little minds watch and observe and learn quickly all about the human condition. It should become a healthy habit to simply be a courteous person even when situations challenge us.

Thomas Fuller once said, “all doors open to courtesy”. Let’s consider how using courtesy as a child will improve their life.

• Children that are courteous stand out from a crowd. They are more often chosen or spoken to with respect due to their reliability and noticeability.

• When a child shows courtesy to others, they are reflecting on that other person and putting them in a safe space. Everyone feels comfortable when people are courteous to them.

• A child who uses courtesy is learning to value the other person. It is much easier for them to think positively of people as their first thoughts are not negative.

• Children who learn to use courtesy as a tool of communication can easily slip into effective language, where they listen and affirm others well. This well developed language gives them a higher order level of emotional maturity.

• If you are courteous, people are attracted to you and gravitate around you more given that they feel welcomed. This is important for a child to feel that others like their company. A child can feel very isolated from others if they do not have such good skills of communication.

• Children need to learn the art of courtesy and this is where your example comes into play. It is also worth taking to them about how a person is valued and should be treated with dignity and courtesy no matter how complicated that person can be.

Finally, there is a silent, steady power present in being courteous. You are stronger by nature of your courteous style. By treating someone with dignity no matter how different your thoughts are, there is little with which to argue. After all, they see how you accept them as legitimate. You accept their right to have a voice.

‘Your children will become what you are.

So be what you want them to be.’

-Love hope dream