Keeping an eye on the quiet child.

Do you have a quiet child? This refers to a child who generally takes a quiet stand on different matters. They may seem to be the child that sits and listens more or perhaps just responds to questions with one word answers. They may be the child that does not want to stand out in a crowd or appears happy to follow the others in various activities. In every classroom there will be those children who will not make their presence felt or who simply enjoy being part of a group in a non distinguishable way.

Many people are by nature quiet, shy or timid in their approach to communication with others. Whilst this is an acceptable trait, it is still worth monitoring children who appear exceptionally quiet or disinterested in engaging with others. There could be many reasons why remaining quiet and unnoticed is a preferred option for a child.

Whilst a child is developing intellectually, physically, emotionally and socially, this is the time to encourage them to be comfortable and confident in speaking out. A child needs to develop their voice, feel it is heard and gain success from people’s response. If a child remains too silent, they can build up resentment and feel frustrated that they are not achieving success like other children. They will also become conditioned into operating this way which becomes an accepted pattern of communicating where everyone around them adjusts to their silence.

It is also important to encourage the conversation as the child can become quite dependent on their silence which acts as a defence mechanism avoiding social issues etc. We need our children to deal with matters that arise using language with growing confidence.

In today’s world where we are very aware of child safety matters, we need to give our children confidence that their voice is heard and valued.

In working with children, I was especially aware that in talking to the quiet child I needed to ask very open ended questions. I also needed to speak in a quiet and comforting voice that did not take on authority over the conversation. If at any point I spoke as though I was in charge of the conversation, it would clearly stop on the part of the child.

Here are a few tips on how to encourage the quiet child to use and strengthen their voice.

• When talking as a family unit, check in with the quiet child, asking questions that do not put them in any distress, especially when in front of other members of the family.

• Ask open ended questions, not closed ones. For example,

“When you were at school, today tell me some happy things that happened.”

• Some families have starter up sentences which they play as a family.

“Today I went to the park and ………

“I like breakfast because……

This can be turned into a fun activity. The principal here is to encourage longer responses to the statement.

• Affirm your child when they give you a sound explanation.

“Thanks for telling me that story. You explained it so well.”

• Writing stories and reading them out aloud is another way of a child hearing their voice and others responding to it, questioning and affirming.

• Take care not to dominate a conversation. This can be easily done as quiet children will simply let you keep on with the conversation.

No surprises when I say that excessive use of technology further limits their voice. Technology replaces their voice especially through the use of games.

In today’s world where we are very aware of child safety matters, we need to give our children confidence that their voice is heard and valued.